From Dawn to Dusk (rewrite)
by ZeldaMoogle
Summary: It's been six years since the Ronin have had to be called to arms. Then Tessa and Alexa step into their lives, and a dangerous cult turns everything they thought they knew on its head. Even after all these years, the armors still hide secrets... / predominantly 1st person; language & graphic situations, including detailed depictions of mental illnesses.
1. Chapter 1

Trick or treat! And hey, look what we found—it's a brand new FDD, with some new tricks and treats in store for everyone! 8D

Those who are returning readers may have noticed the second sequel to this—Daybreak—was removed from the site. As we were rewriting FDD at the same time as writing Db, we realized the way the overall story was turning out earlier on drastically altered the feel of events that would come later in a rewritten Db; things that would have shown up there no longer reflected the actuality of the story we were telling. So, here we are—focusing on a new and improved _From Dawn to Dusk_!

New readers—welcome! Please be aware, this is an unashamed self insert story that deals with mental illness fairly graphically; as a result, **this is rated M**. For your knowledge, trigger warnings will appear at the beginning of every chapter, and if anything may be particularly graphic, a summary of some kind will be provided for that material, as well as reference points for what to skip over if necessary.

Updates should remain regular, and probably monthly for now until we're certain of the pace at which we're writing. For reference, the original version was 170,000 words. As of right now, the new draft is already at 75,000...and we're not quite even halfway through the plot. I'm fairly certain we're not even close. We hope you'll love how we've revamped stuff and added some newish things. =D

Enjoy~!

 _Edit_ : We had some feedback that sometimes the point of view changes could be quite a bit confusing due to having two different 1st person perspectives, so we're tweaking the scene break markers a bit to add some clarity. "A" will stand for Alexa, and "T" for Tessa, though for this first chapter they've been spelled out.

 **Trigger warnings:** cults, distorted eating/starving

* * *

 **From Dawn to Dusk  
** _(And Everything in Between)_ **  
**

Beginnings are a set of choices  
—

 _Chapter 1_

 _—Alexa—_

'Unrelated to anything, but the longer I'm away from my mother, the more I am convinced self help is a cult in and of itself'

I scrubbed my face as I lay on my bed awaiting a reply, processing another frustratingly fruitless and, if I was honest, triggering trip to the bookstore I had made the day previous. Even though it had been a year out of her grip, anything that gave any whiff of cult principles was at risk of sending me into a panic attack. Which, if I was honest, covered damn near everything in the self help section.

It didn't take long for Tessa to start typing. '*snort* why'm I not surprised?'

'Cause anything with a rabidly loyal following is bound to draw more than a few fanatics' I paused and raked my hand through my hair, fighting the memories trying to come to the surface. 'I don't even know why I keep going back to that section'

Except my best friend might as well be little sister knew exactly why, and voiced as much. '*hugsnugs* because it's the only thing you "know" to use when you need "fixing"?'

I audibly sighed, and translated it into text. '*sigh* something like that. And maybe trying to see if she had a point— if it is just me, and not her'

We'd had this conversation before. I couldn't count the number of times she'd given me a similar reply. 'Well looks to me like it *is* her rather than you...what with that whole section basically spouting everything she's said before'

'I guess I know that on one level or another. But it's hard to keep looking at all this success stuff especially when if I don't follow at least some of it, I'm dead in the water at work… my boss has been great but I'm wearing his patience out' That topic simply set my teeth on edge from stress, so I changed it before she had a chance to reply. 'Getting ready for Japan? :P'

'*hugsnugs*' she replied to my first, before my screen was filled with a picture of her disaster zone of a room. Her shinai was on a pile of clothes, and there were more piles of books and Stuff than I cared to identify. 'You mean "getting ready for war"? lol'

I swallowed at the reminder in a few years she actually _would_ be, but had decided a long time ago she would not hear about every flash of panic I had on the topic if only to preserve our friendship. I searched for something else to discuss instead, and settled on still being troubled by her new boyfriend's reaction to the trip. He had, for lack of a better term, hit the roof. 'So, what's Michael think of Japan? Has he warmed up to it?'

'Yeah. I think I just mostly caught him by surprise, tbh. But he's been really supportive of my fencing career, so once I explained how similar kendo is he mellowed out.' She popped up typing again. 'he said he's gonna miss me so much. Poor baby lol'

I tapped my fingers against my laptop, shifting to change into my PJs as I bought myself time to think. Nothing about that reaction sat well, _including_ the sudden acceptance he was now displaying. After he'd demanded to know what she'd been thinking taking half her summer out of the country without considering how much he'd miss her, not having easy contact. 'I was surprised when I found out you were going to military school and weren't allowed social media for five months, and I didn't react like that. I still think something's wrong, if that's the route he took'

'Well, I leave tomorrow, so…'

I paused and blinked at the screen. '... right. I am terrible with dates, have I mentioned that? Recital's taking up all my brain power, I swear to god… I just hope I can eat enough this week and next to not tank on stage.'

She'd heard about my starving too much, honestly, and reacted accordingly. '*glomphugsnugs* it'll be alright. I believe in you, sis. *heart* you got this! ^_^ '

I smirked and tried to hold onto her words. 'lol you have more faith in me than I do in myself, some days. At least after a year I'm not doing *quite* as badly. Eating minimums. Just… minimums don't cut it when you're dancing five times in a week'

'Mmmhm. But what are sisters for if not cheerleading? *heart*'

'Eeexactly lol *heart* thanks. I… should get to bed, honestly, and let you pack. Office day tomorrow and here's hoping I don't need to take ativan. Way too behind on stuff… ugh'

I could practically feel her concern through the screen. '*hugsnugs* I love you sis. Sleep tight. I'll pop in when I can tomorrow. 36 hours…yaaaaay… Never thought I'd get sick of flying'

She left the perfect opening for my big sister instincts to take over. 'Drink plenty of water! Airports are dry as hell'

'LOL right back at ya sis :P *pokes*'

'*Wrinkles nose at* I have a bottle of water right beside my bed…' I glanced at it and self consciously added, 'I'm just 700 or so militers short' before hitting send

'Haha ok *heart*' She popped up typing again.'*pokes to bed*'

I just smirked, pulled out my camera, and sent her a picture of me already under the blankets. 'G'night *heart*'

Once that was taken care of, I pulled a purple half sphere out of its blanket prison and placed it on my bedside table. Dusk was my best kept secret, and I could never leave it very far. It hardly threw off any light, but it was just enough I could convince myself nothing was hiding in the closet to take me. Ready to flow over my skin in the shell I had learned to trust more than my own often-frail body.

Cults sometimes resorted to kidnapping, to bring people back. I tried to be careful, tried to avoid anywhere my mom _could_ see me, left while she was out with no hint of my address anywhere, but today… I swore I had seen the same person every place I visited.

Part of me thought I was just being paranoid.

Anxiety didn't let me believe I was wrong.

 _—Tessa—_

Sage Date was the most calm, cool, and collected person I'd ever met.

So much so it was almost eerily unnerving.

There was also the fact his shock of thick blond hair stood out from nearly everyone else in Sendai's airport. I hadn't known what to expect of my host family other than what my kendo sensei had mentioned—the Date's prestigious reputation in the sport was widely known—but somehow he and his grandfather both were not what I'd not pegged them to be.

World travel certainly was eye-opening.

The other thing immediately noticeable about Sage, besides the fact he towered over me (not difficult, being five-foot-three and all), was the style of his hair. Alexa and I probably would joke and call it "emo hair", but even though he was reserved through our whole first meeting while his grandfather did the talking, the term didn't quite fit. To be frank, the bangs brushed over his right eye seemed more like a shield than anything else.

I was a little more concerned with navigating a relatively new language and the social complexities at the time, however. While 'Ojiisama' politely offered to speak in English to make it easier, part of the reason I'd wanted to actually make it to Japan was to sharpen my university-class-practiced skills into fluency.

Leave it to me to make something relatively easy much harder on myself. I was starting to regret that choice while I brokenly tripped over my tongue and then dropped into silence on the car ride out of the city. Luckily no one seemed to have a problem with me staring out the window and watching skyscrapers melt into a rugged countryside that was not unlike my own native Virginia.

The reserved theme stuck around. Change and adjusting to completely new things—even when I'd thought I'd been prepared for them—had always stuffed my extroverted center in a little introverted shell. Sage was gone at university classes in Sendai most of the day, so kendo practice in the family-run dojo with the other students was the most I saw of my 'host brother' until the end of the first week.

Saturday morning dawned like most of the other days had so far—birds chirping, sunlight threading its fingers through a not-so-effective-at-blocking-light shoji, and me blearily stumbling into the kitchen for brain food to wake me up.

I got more than I had initially bargained for.

Seeing the perfectly-combed head of blond hair stopped me in my tracks, blinking bleary owl eyes at the always-put-together Date heir sipping tea at the kitchen table. Aside from his kendogi, I was pretty sure I'd never seen him in anything less than a polo and slacks, so far...which was what he wore at present.

A velvety-deep voice that of course would belong to the object of my perplexed attention yanked me out of the sleep fog. Even though I'd heard him speak here and there already, somehow my brain had waited until now to piece together how properly he worded his thoughts, even (or especially) for a native speaker. "How have you enjoyed your first week here, Tessa-chan?"

It took a few more quickening revolutions of the mental gears to formulate a Japanese response, especially with the vocabulary still rusty on the tongue. "Ah…yes. This place is really pretty." After a very brief moment of awkward silence, I realized I was still standing there in the doorway, and forced myself to continue on my quest for food.

"Historical, as well," Sage replied, a dash of what I thought might be amusement behind the words. Something about it sounded like Alexa's sense of humor, but I wasn't familiar enough with Sage to identify it with certainty. "I was hoping you would accept an invitation for a tour of the monuments dedicated to Date Masamune."

The offer—as well as the unfamiliar vocabulary—took me by surprise. Again. "Would I…!" I blurted—in English. Realizing the switch and the maybe-impolite exclamation, I muddled my way through another few short phrases in Japanese. "I love history and things. It would be an honor."

He inclined his head, the faintest pull of a smile at the corners of his mouth. "I have Saturdays off from classes. We would have no time limit. We can leave whenever you wish."

I was wide awake, now. The prospect of getting to wander around a new cool place with someone who was actually familiar with the area had me practically bouncing around the kitchen. Not bothering to parse Japanese together in my head before speaking, I switched back to English as I hurried to pour a comfortingly familiar bowl of cereal for breakfast. "Just need a few minutes to eat and get ready to go!"

Fifteen minutes later, I was following Sage down a footpath along the road toward the nearest train stop. His longer strides had me walking quickly to keep up, but I wasn't unfamiliar with the concept. Once we'd reached the station and sat to wait for the train, I asked, "So, where're we going?"

He tipped his head in my direction, enough that the curtain of hair on his right side slipped to show his left eye and the soft expression on his face. "Aoba-jo— Sendai Castle," he translated.

The best way to describe my reaction was feeling like a cartoon character with stars in their eyes. "I _love_ castles!" I squeaked, clapping my hands together. I barely managed to check myself from making a snarky comment wondering if he'd read up on my favorite elementary school subjects or something. Instead, I continued (in English, I realized belatedly) with, "I've always wanted to visit one but never had the chance…!"

My exuberance elicited another of his small, polite smiles that hinted at amusement. "Only the walls are still standing, sadly. There is a digital recreation of the castle so you can see how it looked in its prime."

"Cool!" I paused, mind wandering a bit before settling on a new thought. "So, that was where your ancestor lived?"

He nodded, and I noticed as he began to explain the castle's history that he seemed to brighten from the inside more than I'd yet seen. All through describing it as being the governmental center of Masamune Date's land and its influence over the island nation, the facade of propriety incrementally broke down—a subtle change, but apparent in his restrained enthusiasm for the topic.

Conversation died down again as I took in the experience of my first train ride in Japan. While trains weren't unfamiliar to me, opportunities to travel by train in the States were fewer and farther between than most other countries. As was the way of travel, I spent most of the short trip staring out the window at the vistas rolling by. Once we reached our stop, though, I practically hopped in anticipation of disembarking before the train had entirely halted.

I was forced to temper my enthusiasm slightly simply by the fact I had little idea which way to go after getting off, though. Sage's broad-shouldered bulk easily passed through the sea of people, me following in his wake with a greater appreciation (and maybe not a little jealousy) for tall people. Even though being short had some advantages, and I was quite proud of my ability to sneak through gaps in crowds, I'd always wondered what it was like to be able to just split the human tide like a boat atop the ocean's waves.

And, y'know, actually _see_ where I was going.

All musing about what it must be like to be tall came to a halt as I spotted a large bronze statue of horse and rider in the middle of a square. Eyes lighting with fascination and excitement, I left Sage behind and darted over to it. There was probably a quite ridiculous grin on my face as I let my eyes drink in the smooth shape of the horse's flanks and the sharp edges of the mounted samurai's armor, but I didn't care. I'd found something familiar yet new in the middle of a place to which I was still adjusting, and it was the most glorious thing ever at that moment.

I finally noticed Sage standing quietly to one side of me as I dropped my gaze down to the concrete base, rather than craning my head back to stare at the powerful creature depicted in metal. "Did you know up until about the Civil War, convention was that a statue of a rearing horse—or with any two feet off the ground—signified that the rider had died in battle, and one foot up meant they'd been injured?" Self-consciously second-guessing information that I'd learned back in high school, I amended that with, "Well, at least the ones on the Gettysburg battlefield do, minus one. Pretty sure that applies to statues in general, though."

The blond inclined his head in acknowledgement. "Masamune certainly got injured in battle. He was a brilliant tactician, but he could be reckless." He turned his head briefly to look at me with his visible eye. "Do you like horses?"

So he'd caught onto that deep-seated adoration already. A blush warmed my cheeks, but did not diminish my wide smile. "Been riding since I was little. My dad and stepmom met over horses, so I've been around them my whole life."

His own smile softened his features. As he replied, I thought of all the horse pictures on my phone and delved a hand into my pocket in order to fish it out. "My friend Rowen rides horses, when he gets a chance."

Finding something to connect with my host brother was strangely relieving; I brightened, feeling my smile relax. "Cool! I know it's pretty difficult to get into that over here because of being an island nation and all, hay and land get expensive as all get out…" I'd navigated to my picture gallery as I spoke, and now lifted it to show him one of me leaning over the neck of my gangly chestnut mare. "That's my horse!"

The conversation seemed to be drawing his personality out a bit, too. Smiling a little more, he complimented, "Beautiful. He prefers to ride a black horse."

True black horses were fewer in number than many people imagined, but they were definitely on my list of favorite colors. "Ooooh…" Sensing a drop off in the conversation, I let my eyes rove over the grounds, taking everything in and seeing what might catch my attention next. Sage remained quiet—something I greatly appreciated, as it wasn't often I got to go explore places on my own, or even with someone who tolerated my butterfly nature and let me take the lead.

A towering, traditionally-shaped structure in the mid-distance drew me in. Turning back to Sage with another bright smile, I said, "C'mon! Let's go see the castle!"

He nodded, walking beside me but clearly leading the way along well-kept footpaths and past what looked to be recent construction on some of the lesser outdoor structures. We paused at a few intricately-carved shrines, and a little tiled courtyard housing a quaint modern fountain and the visitor's center. I tried not to laugh out loud at seeing a cardboard cutout-type stand of a samurai and a woman in kimono set up at the edge of the nearby garden. It was tempting to ask Sage for a picture of me with my face in the cut out, but it wouldn't be the same without someone else in the second one, and we didn't have a third person to take the picture.

 _'Maybe next time…'_

Once we'd had our fill of the main tourist area, we wandered back along the path toward the outer edge of the old castle's footprint. A clearing in the trees surrounding the ruins, which opened up to clear sky, caught my attention. Knowing Sage would simply follow me, I steered my feet in that direction to find another footpath—this time along the edge of a guardrail-ed overlook complete with convenient benches. The vista spanned the southeastern portion of Sendai and the mountains cradling it, late-afternoon summer sun spilling down from a cloudless sky onto shiny metal buildings and the human life scurrying between them.

It was not unlike the view on the mountain roads from my house to my college back in the States. A sudden stab of homesickness cut into my chest; I slowly dropped down to one of the stone benches and propped my foot on it, my elbow atop my knee and chin resting on my forearm.

"Reminds me of Virginia…" I said softly, half to myself and maybe even half to Sage, who'd come to stand beside me.

A moment of thoughtful quiet ensued before he spoke. The deep velvet of his voice wasn't quite the same in English as in Japanese, but certainly appreciated in this moment. "I suppose the differences are what come to mind." I caught a hint in my peripherals of him turning his head back toward the view. "But those differences will just make your home that much more comforting, when you return."

The philosophical response made me smile on the inside, thinking how similar he sounded to Alexa. Homesickness was still too strong to feel completely comforted by that, however. "I guess…" I sighed quietly, saying almost under my breath, "It's just. Lonely, being a one-of-a-kind in an unfamiliar place."

My host brother carefully sat beside me, letting thoughtful quiet settle over the scene. A few people passed by, but this path was a little more out of the way than the main areas we'd been in earlier, and those we saw didn't pay us any attention.

"If you wish, we could see if there are any groups of Americans in Sendai who meet regularly," Sage suggested slowly.

It was certainly a tempting thought; I tilted my head, mulling over whether I wanted common ground with people I already understood more than I disliked the thought of meeting more new and unfamiliar people. Just being relatively on my own in Japan was feeling overwhelming enough, at this point. "Maybe…"

He wasn't quiet to the point of whispering, but the softness of his words were evident and rather comforting. "I understand if there's too much unfamiliarity, at once. Do not feel pressured to do something immediately just because it is suggested."

I blinked, a tad surprised by the reassuring response, and lifted my head slightly from my arm to better glance at him. Once I saw he was still looking away, I dropped my gaze again—but this time feeling a bit less empty with the knowledge that someone here cared for my happiness. "I'll think about it." My thoughts flitted back to where we sat, and I turned a more full smile on my tour guide. "So...Date Masamune. Tell me about him?"

That was the first time I truly heard Sage chuckle, a full-bodied sound of clear amusement at my eagerness and thirst for knowledge. "He was known as the One Eyed Dragon for a _very_ good reason. He had this castle built after conquering nearly the whole Northern third of Japan. Never defeated in combat, or in a duel. And it was not for lack of opportunity."

My butterfly brain and occasional impulse-following sometimes created interesting connections and subsequent ideas. "Is that where you got your hairstyle from, Mr. Dragon?" I half-teased, reaching up in an attempt at flicking the enticingly fluffy blond bangs. I almost missed the subtle movement he made that left my fingers brushing through empty air.

I blinked, internally pouting as he chuckled briefly, again. "Rowen once said something similar," he answered vaguely—rather more of a non-answer, really, and completely avoiding my question without being rude. Since I'd mostly just been joking, anyway, I shrugged it off and let the conversation drift to the castle and the last place we wanted to stop before returning to the Date mansion.

We spent twenty minutes at the Masamune mausoleum, paying our respects to Sage's ancestor. As with most of the architecture in the region and at this site, I spent a fair portion of that time admiring the ornate woodwork and decorations. Patterns had always fascinated me, and these in particular could have held my gaze for an hour if given the opportunity.

But the sun was already fairly behind the thick foliage crowning the rocky promontory on which the castle rested. Feeling content with the visit, and more comfortable in Sage's presence than anyone else's I'd been in since arriving, we silently trooped back to the train station.

A gentle vibration in my cargo pocket reminded me it had been a while since I'd last checked my phone. I'd seen various notifications when I pulled it out to take pictures, but ignored them in favor of continuing the grand tour. Now I fished it out—only to realize it was nearly eight-thirty.

"... _shoot._ I was going to Skype my best friend in ten minutes…!"

Sage paused at my sudden statement, twisting to look back at me where I'd stopped in my tracks to get a better grip on my phone and _actually_ retrieve it. He almost appeared stunned by the unexpected topic. "Could you send a message and say we're forty five minutes away from the house?"

Seeing as I'd already planned on doing that, I simply nodded and made a sound of acknowledgement as I opened Messenger. The notification I'd gotten hadn't been a message from Alexa, and there were no new ones since earlier in the day, but she was sure to be online soon. I sighed as I finished typing an explanation and pocketed the phone again. "I'm sure she won't mind waiting. I just always feel bad when I lose track of time and forget something as important as that…" I glanced around, actually noticing where we were now that I wasn't wrapped up in my thoughts. "So...which way?"

We picked up where we left off, arriving just as the next shuttle pulled in. The train ride back was as quiet as the walk had been, but not awkward. I decided to flip idly back through the pictures I'd taken to pass the time, all the while wondering when Alexa would reply to my message. Considering she hadn't already done so, and Ottawa was thirteen hours behind Tokyo time, it finally occurred to me she was probably still asleep.

My phone remained quiet even up until we stepped into the _genkan_ and traded our shoes for house slippers (a habit I was sure to stick with when I returned to the States, I'd decided). Sage seemed to pick up on the fact there'd been no update and asked, "It's eight in the morning there, right?"

"Yes." Shaking my head, I voiced the realization I'd had on the train. "Knowing her, she's still asleep." Another idea occurred to me then, and I paused in the mouth of the hallway to ask Sage, "Would you maybe want to say hi? It'd be kinda neat if my big sis could meet my host brother, I think."

Somehow, that seemed to catch him by surprise. It was actually rather cute on his normally stoic face. "I— yes, I would, if she is willing."

"Of course!" I chirped. "Just give me a few minutes to set things up and let her know. No one likes being taken by surprise, after all."

He nodded, lagging behind in the front half of the house while I moved down the hall to my room. The first thing I did after closing the door was wake my computer up and let it load while I changed into something comfier than out-on-the-town clothes.

My phone pinged with a notification as I opened the door again so Sage would know he could enter. I quickly pulled up my internet browser and Skype before swiping open my phone.

'Okay, what time do you get up, because I have a feeling it needs to be evening for *me* instead of you. Gimme a sec'

I chuckled at my sister's characteristic dry humor, typing out a simple 'no problem' before formulating a second message. 'So...how would you feel about meeting Sage?'

The little Messenger profile image indicated she'd read my message, and then there was a momentary pause where I could imagine her processing that. '... give me more than a sec, then. I am *not* talking to a guy before brushing my hair and just in my PJs'

Another chuckle, this time shaking my head as I sent back a second acknowledging message and laid the phone back on the low table that held my computer. Slippered footsteps heralded Sage's arrival; I cast a quick smile over my shoulder before indicating the padded mats I'd laid down on the floor in lieu of tatami mats.

Skype's obnoxious ring didn't take much longer to pipe up—luckily just before the silence could grow awkward. I quickly answered it, waiting to hear her voice and know it had connected before speaking.

"Oh- _kay_ now that I don't look freshly dragged out of bed…"

I laughed quietly, waving it off. I noticed Sage appeared to be looking between the two of us with an almost unreadable expression on his face, but didn't think much of it. Indicating Sage with a small gesture, I said, "Alexa, this is Sage Date. Sage, my big sis Alexa."

He lifted his chin in greeting. "Pleasure to meet you, Alexa." I almost thought he hesitated in a brief pause, but then he asked, "Are you related, or found siblings?"

 _That_ somewhat explained the odd looks. I couldn't say I was surprised, though; Alexa and I both laughed, to different degrees. "Found family. We get the whole look-alike thing a _lot_ , though," I explained goodnaturedly.

He nodded. "It is… quite striking." I almost physically raised an eyebrow at the pause that seemed filled with some unknown meaning I didn't catch the subtleties of. Was it just me, or did he seem rather interested in my best friend?

Alexa didn't seem to notice. The oft-quipped joke that she could be the posterchild for "obliviousness" crossed my mind briefly. "I hope you're taking care of her," she said almost casually.

I snorted in amusement—leave it to my self-appointed big sister to lay down the law with any boy I talked to. Especially after that one incident with Michael…

Firmly shoving thoughts of my boyfriend out of my mind, I grinned at Sage, who showed rather distinct hints of pink at the edges of his cheeks. "Don't worry, he is! We were just out in Sendai earlier—why I was late. We went to Sendai castle, sis! It was _so cool_!"

She perked up at that. "Castle?"

"She had a very similar reaction when I proposed the idea," Sage said modestly. I'd noticed he didn't let attention fix on him very long in conversations, and this was another example of that skilled deflection.

I wasn't going to let him get away with it this time, though. "Yup! And Sage was the best guide ever—he knows so much about the history of it and his family. And the views were _gorgeous_. Reminded me of the mountains back home."

Alexa's posture clearly indicated she was open to an infodump on the topic; I gladly obliged, plucking my phone back up on occasion to send her relevant pictures via Messenger. After a few minutes sitting in and listening, Sage decided he had outstayed his welcome since he wasn't contributing any further and politely excused himself with "It was a pleasure speaking to you." While I was a little disappointed to see him leave, I didn't blame him. I probably would have done the same, considering the way he'd been watching us interact and the definite coloring to his rather pale face.

It was worth commenting on, though. "That's almost the most emotion I've seen out of him—at least that wasn't polite kindness."

She blinked. "Really?"

I nodded. "He's really quiet—but I also haven't seen too much of him yet. He takes classes at the university in town most of the week, so today was the first day I...kinda had him to myself."

Luckily Alexa was too distracted with her own thoughts to notice the brief hitch to my words and the nervous smile on the edge of my lips. She seemed disheartened by my observation, and murmured, "I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend to get jealous. Mom always said I attracted guys almost magnetically and I had to be careful not to make them too at ease before their girlfriends set ultimatums."

I pondered everything I knew about the mysterious Date heir for a moment. "I don't _think_ he does… Didn't ask, though. But I know a few of the girls in kendo class have said he gets a _lot_ of female attention." That got an amused snort. "I think it's the hair. I asked him if his hairstyle was inspired by Date Masamune, but he declined an explanation. Maybe the girls have something to do with it."

I'd become familiar with how much a topic latched on to my sister when something bothered her, and wasn't surprised by her continuing on an unrelated track to my comments. "I almost wonder what guys would say if they found out how close we are and I'm bi."

Shaking my head with a thin smile, I reassured, "The ones that matter wouldn't care, and those who think it's weird don't matter. To paraphrase Dr. Seuss...er, whoever it was."

"That's him, and the actual quote is 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' It's just…" She exhaled. "Weird, I guess… Ever since Michael flipped about you going to Japan, I've been wondering if… he'd be happy with how much time you're spending with me…"

That was something of a new twist to an old topic; I blinked, tilting my head thoughtfully. "Um...well, he...hasn't really said much, about it? I mean, he did say once that he felt I was giving you more attention than him, but it was in passing and it's been a while since he and I really hung out consistently, so…"

She lifted a hand to rub her cheek under one eye. "I _do_ take up a lot of attention…"

I shook my head again. "Even so, it's time I _want_ to spend with you. No boy gets to decide how much I choose to see or talk to you. And you mean the world to me, sis. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you, if I didn't have you in my life…"

She snorted, but visibly relaxed a fraction. "If he starts limiting your time with me, I'm going to have a _serious_ talk with him."

I chuckled, almost feeling like I could bare my teeth like a wolf at that veiled threat. "Get in line. If I have to, I'd smack him with a shinai or a sabre before I'd let him do that."

Smirking a little, she continued, "If _any_ guy lays a finger on you, they have to answer to me."

I'd never been in doubt of that—but it was always nice to hear how protective she was of me, just as I could be of her. Grinning and offering a well-practiced salute, I replied, "Yes ma'm, I'll remember that."


	2. Chapter 2

Surprise! We're pretty far along and writing at a good clip, so here's a biweekly update! ^_^

Some Japanese appears in this chapter (and will in future ones), so anything you don't quite understand and isn't directly translated in the text, hop down to the bottom of the page for a glossary. Also, the armor (yoroi) names change depending on whether the narrator's language is English or Japanese (so Tenku is the same as Strata, Kourin for Halo, etc). Any scene-change markers that aren't A or T indicate a 3rd person point of view.

Enjoy!

 **Warnings:** Stalking, gaslighting, parental abuse

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

—~—

Sage couldn't get multiple nagging feelings out of his mind as he left Skyping with the girls. He used the first excuse that came to mind before pulling up a conversation with Rowen on the app that let them talk about whatever, yoroi included, without worrying about potential hackers.

'Still looking for a date?'

He could sense Rowen's annoyance from Tokyo; it was easy to imagine the frown he had at his phone. 'Not from you. Seriously Seiji, we've been over this. Remember what happened last time you set me up on a blind date?'

He laughed at his phone, not quite recalling what had been _so_ bad about that situation. 'This does not have to be a date. One girl is in Ottawa, the other is taken, from the sounds of it. I think you would enjoy talking with Tessa.'

'...So how do you know someone in Ottawa, and why in the gods' names are you trying to offer to set me up with someone who's *taken _*_? Seijiiii…" The message might as well have come with a groan and an eye roll, it was that obvious how tired Rowen was of Sage's constant attempts. He couldn't say he cared too much— Rowen often felt out of place, without too many girls being interested in him. With the staggering number that hung out around Sage, the least he could do was help.

Now to prove why this girl was different. 'Lol I gave Tessa a tour of Aoba-jo and she had a similar reaction you did, to horses. She has her own. When I said you rode, she was very interested. Her best friend is the one in Ottawa. She is… rather stunning, and Tessa looks almost identical to her. It's uncanny.'

'Does Kourin-kun have a crush already?' he replied, deflecting the topic.

Sage snorted. 'No. I was struck by how similar the two girls looked for not being related.'

They knew each other too well; even without Tenku, Rowen could've picked up on his curiosity. 'That similar? Got any pictures?' As a reply, Sage simply sent two links he'd hunted for on each girl's Facebook profile and waited. '...wow, yeah, okay that is a bit eerie. Are they both Canadian?'

Sage nodded even though Rowen couldn't see. 'Tessa has dual citizenship, Canadian and American.'

'Intriguing…'

That message indicated Rowen was about to get lost in a cave of research. With a poke to Tenku, he continued, 'She would love to go out riding, I'm sure…'

It was only extremely obvious Rowen was trying to come up with excuses. 'It's a bit of a hike up there from Tokyo, remember. And I'm...a bit busy at the moment…'

Despite knowing Rowen had recently gone through upheaval with moving out of his dad's apartment, realizing just how much of a dad he had never gotten, Sage decided to push. Rowen needed to establish a broader social life, and with either Tessa or Alexa, and how similarly Tessa bounced from one topic to another, he thought some mutual excitement would do Rowen some good. 'She'll be here once your grading is finished, so you'd have time. And you could use the break. She's lonely, too… she feels odd, out here, and overwhelmed. Horses would give her something familiar.'

It had been a little too much. Rowen pushed back. 'When did you start borrowing Kongo's stubbornness, because you're being damn persistent'

The call-out forced Sage to realize he had other things to discuss with Rowen. 'Since I feel something's wrong about this whole situation. Kourin has been on guard since a week before she arrived, almost like Cale is watching.'

'Well, if it's /that/ serious…' He popped up typing again. 'Alright. /After/ classes are out, though. It's been tricky getting enough time to stargaze, let alone go on an out-of-town trip without using Tenku.'

Sage and Kourin relaxed, releasing tension he hadn't known he'd been holding. 'Arigato. I don't know what it is, and I don't feel comfortable telling the others— even I'm not sure if I'm imagining things.'

'The yoroi are rarely wrong, Seiji. If /you're/ sensing something odd, we're better to be on our guard than not. Kayura and the mashou have been quiet in the youjakai, but who knows who or what might be after Arago's throne now that he's gone.' While Sage was busy admitting Rowen was right, he sent another message. 'If you'd rather I tell the others…'

Sage knew he should; he was the one who had sensed things, after all. Even though the guys would accept information from any of the others, especially knowing Sage's aversion to being unsure, he had a certain amount of responsibility. He pulled up the group chat and toggled a switch to mark the conversation as important in the app— it would generate a separate bell tone that was just different enough they all knew to respond immediately— and started typing, hitting send with a deep breath. 'We might have to brace ourselves for something coming. Ever since Tessa arrived, I've been feeling like youja are watching.'

Kento was first to reply. 'think maybe it's Arago?'

Ryo was never very far behind, when it came to this particular chat. 'But he's been gone for six years. and wouldn't he start with the youjakai if he were going to try an assault on the ningenkai again?'

Sage shook his head. 'It… doesn't quite feel like him. It's still the youjakai, but… not. Like it's been corrupted.'

Cye replied to that particular comment. 'so...something new?'

Kento's typical sarcasm made exploring these sensations somewhat bearable. 'thaaaat's not creepy, not at all…'

Sage let himself ramble in text, trying to sort out what was going on. 'I don't think I would have even noticed had Sendai not been free of it for so long. I felt it today when Tessa and I were out. It doesn't feel like it originates from her, however. Just somebody near her. And maybe near her friend.'

Three people replied almost at the same time, each picking apart his words.

Ryo was first. 'so somebody's targeting them?'

Kento wasn't far behind. 'How can you be sure it's not them?'

Cye was nearly the same time as Kento. 'friend?'

Sage took a breath and sorted through the onslaught of questions with a single response, putting everything he had sensed together. 'She was on Skype this evening with a friend of hers in Ottawa. They looked remarkably similar. And I'm not sure it is them, or if it's something targeting them, but every time I have interacted with her or, today, both… something has felt wrong. And something… feels like it's *wakening*.'

Everyone paused, the yoroi filling in everyone thinking of the repercussions of those few words. Rowen was first to respond to the magnitude. 'wakening, like...when our yoroi woke?'

'Yes.'

There was nothing truly to say to that. The yoroi stretched out to Sendai to try and get glimmers of what Sage was talking about, but the feelings were so ghostly that Sage felt he could hardly get a grip on them, let alone direct the guys to the right place.

Rekka retreated first. 'what...does that /mean/…'

Sage had to admit he smiled at Kento's reply. 'is now the wrong time to say "I've got a bad feeling about this"?'

The words loosened something in his head, forcing to admit what he didn't want to. 'I… think Tessa is another Bearer. Only, her yoroi isn't strong enough for me to pick up on it.'

Sage tried not to get overwhelmed as everyone replied— and sensed Sendai— all at once.

Kento blurted out, '...you're kidding'

'another armor?' Ryo wondered.

'No way' Rowen replied.

Cye was the clearest thinking of the lot. 'Wouldn't Kaos have told us if there were others?'

Ryo answered before Sage could even think of a reply. 'Well he /was/ rather secretive, and Kayura doesn't know much more than Anubis did…'

Now it was Rowen's turn for dry humour. 'Watch, we're all going to get a dream tonight explaining everything.'

They barely needed Kongo to tell Kento was muttering. 'Typical Kaos behavior…'

'I don't know.' Sage said, trying to stop the tide of prying him for answers he didn't have. 'It's quiet, but too strong for it to be my own mind.'

'guess we'll just have to wait and see…'

Before Sage could register Ryo's reply directly, his attention went to a new notification from his conversation with Rowen. '...soooo when were you going to mention this about my potential date prospects?'

He tried not to clear his throat self consciously. 'Once I was sure of it. It… was only talking through that I even realized what I was sensing.'

'fair enough, I suppose…' Rowen began, 'but you realize if you're right, this complicates things by infinity?'

The group conversation shifted to their fun one with the click of a button, Kento talking about what to do once their summer vacation started in a little over six weeks. Sage didn't really pay attention as Kento talked about picnics and visiting Mia's— he'd have to see about Tessa, anyway. His attention stayed on mulling everything over and the conversation with Rowen. The question he couldn't help but take honestly.

'I don't know if I want to be right or not.'

There were lots of false starts typing before Rowen hit send. 'to be honest, Seiji...me neither.'

—A—

My love hate relationship with recital had gotten worse, this year. First there was getting a ride or bussing to the venue out in the middle of nowhere, then there was the high probability of my mom deciding to buy tickets in case I was in the show and I would run into her, and the way my nutrition debt was steadily increasing with this amount of physical effort. At least it was over.

There was also how I had seen the same person nearly every single place I had been for two weeks. I had thought it was just maybe coincidence— despite what Dusk was telling me— but with how my dance life and my regular life hardly ever intersected, there was no reason.

I caught my teacher's arm as she was about to leave. "Could I get a ride? I swear that guy's following me and… busing in the middle of nowhere…"

She looked around me to the guy half-obviously checking on me every thirty seconds and nodded. "Sure! Happy to help."

I let out a large breath, grabbed my stuff, and got the hell out of there. Idle chatter about seeing me next year and what my plans were occupied my mind. However, the minute I was alone with my thoughts in my apartment— behind the FOB entry, behind my locked door— I threw up.

I rested heavily against the toilet bowl, dredging my strength back up to stand, flush, and remove my makeup. My phone light flashed. I swiped open Tessa's conversation to see, 'How was recital?'

I swallowed and tossed out the first of at least three makeup wipes. 'Recital itself was fine. Being followed made me throw up. I thought it was just *really* bad coincidence but… I think imbeingstalked'

A long, glomping hug best known as a 'Tessa combo' preceded everything. 'are you okay?' she asked, meaning both my physical and mental wellbeing. Before I could answer, she popped up again. 'have you called the police to report it?'

Makeup wipe two, and the dark circles under my eyes were revealing themselves under three layers of concealer. 'I got a ride so I didn't have to bus. He never touched me. And what are the police going to do? I don't know name and it's like three guys…'

'Three?' Once her shock had worn off, she said, 'Even if they can't do anything at the moment, having it on record can be a clue if anything /does/ happen.'

The thought of interacting with police was threatening more nausea. 'Will it even go on record? I mean they already know my family is prone to false reports and I have a report open at how overbearing my mother is and the likelihood of them taking me seriously is low and I'm probably having an anxiety attack I should take ativan'

'*hugsnug* yes, you should' She sent a new message for: 'I can ask Liv, if it would make you feel better'

'Please and thank you'

She was gone for awhile, giving me a chance to get the waterproof stuff off. I looked down to a blinking phone light once the last of my mascara was gone. 'Well...technically it is stalking. Buuut as to whether they would do more than file away the paperwork…' Information out of the way, she continued. 'which tbh I would do if it were me. Then at least there's paperwork. A physical "I told you so" if it continues to develop into something...worse'

The thought of 'worse' made me heave. I went back to the toilet and threw up once more. Once I had my breathing back under control and the remains were flushed again, I typed out, 'Okay, taking ativan now…'

Another Tessa combo preceded her next message, her likely having guessed what had happened. 'I'm sorry sis… I wish there was something I could do…'

'I'm going to start taking my alarm everywhere. And signing up for a self defence class' Pill under my tongue, I pulled a dozen bobby pins out of my bun and the elastic of my ponytail, then worked on brushing through my gel-crusted hair before replying. 'I just. Don't want to do anything else but go to bed. Don't really have the energy for a shower. Considering ativan's a sleeping pill…'

'Yeah…' It took awhile for her next message to come through, her typing window popping up and down. 'Please take care of yourself, sis… Who knows why those guys are following you or what they want. And even though it can help an alarm isn't much. I...don't want anything to happen to you…'

I finished washing my face, getting the acid off my skin, and leaned against the sink before replying, emotions forcing their way out through grit teeth. 'I accepted stalking was a risk when I left. I left anyway. I accepted something could happen to me. I left anyway. I doubt I'll ever be safe, but fuck it I'm not going to live in a cage the rest of my life'

'Well said, sis. And you're not going back there. I stg they make one wrong move and I will be on a plane over there faster than you can say kendo'

Her fierceness made me smile, as tired as it was. 'Thanks. That makes me feel better' My eyes drooping made me send a new message. 'Ativan's kicking in, so I'm going to go peel off my costume and crash. Night, sis *heart*'

'G'night sis. I love you *heart*'

—T—

I sat at my desk for long minutes staring at the words in Messenger without really seeing them. The conversation I'd just had with Alexa left me cold all over and with a rock in the pit of my stomach. There had been few times in my life that I'd ever come anywhere close to fearing for my sister's safety, even at the worst of her depression and suicidality. Now, though, this feeling ranked at the top of that list.

Worse still was the sense of helplessness to do anything about it.

If something _did_ happen, I was a solid thirty-six hour plane trip away that would basically cost well over a thousand dollars. Providing I could even find a trip on short notice, it would likely be another six hours to get on that plane if I was lucky. Not to mention _customs_.

And how would I explain it to my parents? They would have to pay for the ticket, and I doubted they would let me practically throw away my summer for something like this. Liv was a police officer, and she'd say the investigations would best be left in the local authorities' hands—it would do me no good to hop on a plane after the fact.

Frustration welled like a fire in my chest, fists clenching in a way to both contain and channel my anger. There was nothing that could make me feel more like a dragon than an unjust situation. But sadly, I was only a petite human girl rather than a monstrous scaled and winged reptile that could incinerate concrete with its volcanic breath.

Normally, I'd talk to Alexa when I was in this mood. Since she was now—hopefully—sleeping, that option was out of the question. Approaching my parents about it didn't seem like a good idea—it would be awkward at best—and no one else of our mutual friends understood the situation exactly as my sister and I did.

I hesitated when my mind jumped to Michael, who had been strangely absent from my thoughts since this trip had begun. It was now nearly eleven o'clock on the East Coast, but maybe he was awake.

I slowly picked my phone up, unlocked it, and navigated to my boyfriend's text thread. Despite reasoning that I desperately needed someone to talk to, and he was the only one available, something kept me from immediately typing.

 _'Alexa probably would say I shouldn't…'_ After a few moments, I frowned and shook my head at myself. _'But I should talk to_ someone _...and what are boyfriends good for if not that?'_

Taking a deep breath, I slowly formulated how I wanted to broach the topic. Figuring I'd see if he was even up first, I ended up settling on, 'Got a minute for a bit of a heavy conversation?'

I stared at the screen as I waited for a response, mind blank. After a minute or so, my phone buzzed. 'Of course, my dove'

Exhaling—realizing I hadn't even noticed I'd been tense, holding my breath—I worked on an explanation tailored to how little he knew about my best friend. 'Alexa thinks she's being stalked. I'm scared something's going to happen to her and I won't be able to do anything about it'

'Why are you worried? It's not like you really know her.'

If I were in an anime, that probably would have been the perfect placement for a face-fault. I did, however, lightly drop my forehead to my desk in disbelief for a moment, before situating my phone on my knee to be able to stare at the screen.

When my brain had finally processed the absurdity of his comment, I started typing. There was _no_ way I was going to let him get away with that. 'You know I've been friends with her for four years and you say I don't really know her?'

'You've never met. It's not like you have a reference for what her life's really like.'

Anger and confusion both bubbled up in my chest. I gritted my teeth, turning that over in my mind for a way to poke holes in _his_ logic. This was no light matter, and here he was trying to brush it off like a speck of dust on his immaculate sleeve!

'Just because we haven't physically met doesn't mean I can't sympathize with her! And we've Skyped loads of times, so it's not like I've never been face to face with her. I met her mom a few times over Skype, too, so it's not like I don't have /any/ frame of reference!'

'It's not like you can do much. She's in Canada, and the likelihood the stalking will lead to anything worse is low. I wouldn't get worked up over it.'

That hit like a solid sabre strike to the chest. How could he not _understand_ …! I growled, trying to think of a response, but tempted to hurl my phone at the wall instead. (There was a reason I'd bought a military-grade shock-proof case for it.)

After a deep breath through my nose in an attempt to calm down, I typed, 'Yeah, well, even if I'm /not/ worked up over it, it would still be prudent to have some sort of plan in case something /should/ happen.'

'We can work on that later, if you're still upset. I need to go to bed. Goodnight, my dove. Remember to reach for peace, before anger!'

And as quickly as that, I was essentially alone again in the middle of what should have been a tranquil, sunny Sunday morning. No resolution, no one to lean on, and no closer to any sort of plan that might make me feel better.

The first hint of tears pricked my eyes, my hand tightening around my cell phone with the pent up emotions.

 _'...Probably time to go work off some steam, Tess.'_

I always had come back to fencing primarily for that reason, after all.

It didn't take long to retrieve my shoes from the front _genkan_ , snatch my sabre from its makeshift rack in the corner of my room, and stalk down the hall toward the back door. The dojo lay a short walk from the house on the opposite side of the central garden, separated from view of the main house by Japanese yew and sakura trees. I saw no one on the trek across the pebbled walk, and the dojo itself was deserted.

Perfect for hogging the huge floor and pretending to cut down a horde of Bokoblins.

Falling into stance was as familiar as breathing...normally. The physical motion was still as fluid as ever, but my emotions felt like a rising tsunami wave that demanded to crash against my heart hard enough to splinter it. Emotions always _had_ had a physical component to them, for me, and this time...

Gritting my teeth, I lashed out viciously at the first imaginary monster.

My body demanded more.

Two, three, four more slices. Four more monsters.

Parry once, twice. A wide horizontal slash, taking another two.

Turn and parry.

The stalkers' unknown faces flashed through my mind instead of creatures that only existed in a video game.

I shook my head as if to rid the images from it. Lunged at enemies—again, almost involuntarily, I saw the stalkers instead of figments of my imagination.

 _'Go_ away _!'_

A snarl, a spinning slash, and I began to feel more than anger making itself known.

Fear. Apprehension. Sick, cold dread.

I faltered on another turn, my sabre tracing a jagged line through the air rather than a smooth whistling stroke. Michael's words jumped to the front of my mind, the face of my opponents now his.

How could he have been so _callous_? Insensitive? _Dismissive_? I'd explained to him how much Alexa meant to me before in simple language that left out so much detail—but even without it, shouldn't that have been enough? Didn't he _care_ that I was hurting, and all alone a long ways from home? Didn't it mean something that I'd chosen to reach out to him before anyone else?

My knees impacting the thick mats jerked me from my thoughts, realizing my legs had gone weak, my body was shaking, and the first tear tracks wet my cheeks. A lump was growing in my throat, preventing the hole in my chest from escaping and thus shrinking.

All my emotions wanted was to curl into a ball, head tucked to my knees and fists clenched almost as if to hold myself together. Then came a sniffle, and a tiny sob, and a short, sharp breath.

And I let the dam in my chest collapse.

Perhaps a minute or two later—who knew, really?—I almost felt more than heard movement nearby. Surprised, I lifted my head to check my surroundings...and sharply inhaled at the sight of Sage in the doorway to the dojo's main hallway, dressed in his kendogi.

"S-Sage!" I sharply turned my head away, futilely trying to erase the evidence of my crying even as I sniffled again.

His voice was as gentle as a feather. "What's wrong?"

I leaned back, shifting to sit normally and then wrap my arms around my knees, but avoided eye contact. I'd never been a pretty crier, so letting someone else see my red face, puffy eyes, and wet nose was always a sensitive point. After debating whether or not—or how much—to tell him, I uneasily said, "Just...stuff at home…"

Soft footsteps crossed the matted floor as I flicked a stray teardrop from my chin. I didn't have to look to know he'd gracefully folded into _seiza_ , the kneeling-sit used at the beginning and end of a kendo session. "Do you wish to talk about it?"

As much as I wanted to resist the thought, there was no denying that he was offering what I'd just been craving when I texted Michael. Reluctantly, I gave a tiny nod. "Y-yeah…"

It took a few long moments before I could get what I wanted to say in order, however; my mind was a swirling jumble of broken phrases and half-constructed ideas that resisted cohesion. Sage continued to wait patiently, however. Deciding to take it in baby steps, I inhaled a steadying breath and started. "A—Alexa thinks she's being stalked."

I almost startled at the light hand he rested on my lower back. "What makes her think so?"

"She's seen the same three guys at different places multiple times every time she's gone out for the past while. Today was her dance recital, and she saw one of them watching her at the show." Remembering the ensuing text conversation I'd had, my fingers curled like claws into the fabric of my pants and my arms tightened around my legs. "I tried to talk to Michael—my boyfriend—about it...but...he just…"

Tears stung my eyes again, throat closing up in an effort to keep them from falling. Sage gently slid his hand up and down my spine in slow, soft motions. While it was still a bit odd to me that he was offering it, I definitely wasn't going to turn down the comfort of physical contact.

"He just what?"

I pressed my face against my knees, staring sightlessly at the plain floor and walls. "He said I couldn't possibly know what was _really_ going on and that I shouldn't get so worked up because it was probably nothing—but it's _not_ , something's wrong, I _know_ it." A brief pause to stay composed, accompanied by a small but bracing breath. "Alexa… Her mom… She practically had to run away from home in order to move out because her mom is involved in an abusive cult and she's terrified she's going to find her and bring her back any day and now that she's being stalked I just—I can't—"

Needing to take a breath at that point betrayed small sobs lodged in my throat, and no way to stop them. The traitorous tears returned, though not in the same waterfall fashion as before. I hardly registered the pause of Sage's hand halfway down my back. "A cult?" When I just nodded, unable and unwilling to form more words, his hand resumed its soothing motions. "Has she taken any steps to protect herself?"

I offered a one-shouldered half-shrug to buy time while my brain and tongue fought to work together. "S-she lives in a pretty...decent apartment complex. She has a keychain with an alarm on it that...she said she's going to start carrying. And she wants to take self-defense classes…"

Sage, I'd noticed, had a knack for speaking gently without being quiet as a mouse. "Is that enough for you to feel reassured?"

That deserved an _emphatic_ shake of my head. "But she won't feel comfortable carrying a knife, and even then laws might be funny around concealing it, and she's in Canada so getting a gun is all sorts of 'nope'..." Feeling absolutely defeated, and out of any plausible options, I trailed off and hid my face in the circle of my arms.

"What else could make you feel reassured?"

Somewhere in the back of my brain, a little voice that sounded oddly like Alexa was approving of this conversation—although 'why' escaped my conscious thought, at the moment. I was a bit more preoccupied with how badly I wanted a hug that didn't come from myself. Almost without thinking, I muttered, "A hug is usually a good start…"

I heard him shift slightly, causing me to peek out from my self-constructed cocoon to see he'd lifted an arm to indicate offering a hug. While surprising, considering both the cultural not-norm and how Sage had never struck me as the type, I _definitely_ wasn't going to question it. I turned onto one hip and wrapped both arms around his torso and felt his hands rest on my upper back.

"I just feel so _helpless_ … I want to be there for her, but it feels like there's nothing I can do about it." Pressing my face to his chest, I said despairingly, "I _hate_ feeling like this…"

We sat like that for a long while with no further words spoken. I could feel my muscles slowly relax against the embrace, though the anxiety of everything refused to allow complete release of tension. Finally, Sage quietly, hesitantly broke the silence. "I have a few friends who…could be willing to help. If that reassures you?"

It was always a weird thing to me to hear relative strangers offer sincere assistance and care for my troubles. While sometimes difficult for me to accept, it nonetheless lifted my spirits fractionally. Hesitantly drawing my head back a few inches so as to not _entirely_ muffle my voice, I asked, "R-Really…?"

I felt him nod, one hand smoothing over my back again. "If she's in trouble… Our exams are finished, soon, and none of us have been particularly good at maintaining school commitments when friends need us."

The thought of being able to truly rely on someone else in a place where I _had_ no one else brought tears back to my eyes—still, even with help, there didn't seem to be any new options open to me. Sniffling quietly again, I tightened my grip on his gi. "But...if...if I have to fly back…"

He didn't immediately say anything to the implications of the cost and repercussions associated with that course of action. "Money is… less of an object, for us. And it could be only one of us needs to go."

I mulled that over briefly—then nodded, daring to feel hopeful. My body relaxed that much more, eyes sliding closed and my chest oddly warm as I simply let Sage support me. "D-Domo arigato gozaimasu…"

If I weren't mistaken, there was a hint of a smile to his voice. "Iie, tondemonai desu."

* * *

 **Translations**

 _Kourin, Tenku, Rekka, Kongo, Suiko:_ Halo, Strata, Wildfire, Hardrock, Torrent

 _mashou:_ Warlord(s)

 _youjakai:_ Nether Realm

 _ningenkai:_ Human realm

 _Kaos:_ the Ancient One

 _kendogi:_ specific name for the kendo "uniform", including the uwagi (shirt-jacket) and hakama (pants)

 _Domo arigato gozaimasu:_ semi-formal way of accepting thanks, similar to "thank you so much" in English

 _Iie, tondemonai desu:_ formal way of accepting thanks; literally, "No, I don't deserve it"


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings:** stalking, kidnapping

 **Edit** **:** So...we did some math. Tl;dr: Rowen would have to go well over mach 15 to reach Canada in 15 minutes. Soooo we did a little reworking of some parts, and what you see now is the result. (And yes, there will be another tweak or three along the way, but it's relegated just to chapters 3 and 4.)

* * *

 _Chapter 3_

—8—

Rowen never liked being woken out of a dead sleep.

He doubly did not like being dragged out of a dead sleep by anything other than his obnoxiously-loud alarm. (And even then, "like" was a highly exaggerated description of his feelings on that issue.)

Woe to the person who decided to disturb him from a dead sleep _on a weekend_.

'I found out where the youja energy might be coming from.'

Sage the-early-bird Date _would_ have been that active, already. Rowen plopped his face back into the pillow, mentally cursing the morning hours in every language he knew. While he understood Sage's message definitely merited the crime of waking Rowen before one o'clock in the afternoon on a Sunday, his sleep-fogged brain did _not_ want to hear it.

Probably thirty seconds later, the text tone for their all-important encrypted yoroi chat tugged him away from wishful thinking that he could get another ten minutes' sleep. Sighing, he plucked his phone up and rolled onto his back to read.

Ryo had responded first. 'That… cult? That's stalking Alexa?'

'Yes. If they're into the occult, at all… then that would explain it. I would really rather not be right, however.'

Rowen frowned, the matter of a mystery shaking the rest of the sleep from his mind and kicking on the research gears. Google probably wasn't a bad place to start; but after trying numerous variations of "Ottawa", "cults", "occult", and "stalking", he was still pretty much right where he'd started.

Deciding it would have to get tacked onto his current project, he reopened the chat window where everyone else had gone on talking without him. He got four messages in before Kento commented, 'How much you wanna bet either Rowen's not even awake yet, or he's already trying to dig for dirt on them?'

Sage followed up with, 'I think everyone would bet he's researching, lol'

Tenku's bearer snorted lightly, shaking his head, then retorted, 'I'm awake, Ken. Just keeping an ear to the ground'

'you mean space, right?'

Sometimes, his childhood friend's snark really got on his nerves. A disproportionate number of those times happened within the half-hour window of being woken up. '...Kento you can't hear in space because it's a vacuum'

Mediator Cye righted the conversation train before it could completely derail. 'so what happens if they /are/ related to the youjakai?'

Sage's frustration was palpable even without the connection. 'I don't know. Tessa is worried, and I can't get much more information without revealing the yoroi to her. Alexa doesn't know I know, and I don't have any way of contacting her, really. It feels like all we can do is wait.'

'you've talked to her on Skype once, already,' Ryo pointed out hopefully. 'would you maybe be able to again?'

'I could. It's just broaching the topic with Tessa in the room…'

'well you've already had one conversation about the stalkers with her, right?' Cye reasoned. 'maybe you could say it would help you help her to know as much as you can about this cult they're presumably a part of?'

Rowen could almost hear Sage's irritated sigh. 'As I said. Alexa doesn't know I know. From the sounds of it, she's hesitant to bring it up. Tessa was, as if it was a secret. I don't want to scare her more, or make her mistrust Tessa for saying things Alexa would rather keep a secret.'

As lukewarm as he'd been toward Sage's suggestion that he meet this exchange student he was hosting, Rowen couldn't deny he sympathized with her. They all knew how much secrets could weigh on a person, and how lonely that felt without someone to share the burden.

After a moment's hesitation, he switched to his conversation with Sage. 'how is she taking all this…?'

'She was in tears from worry. And her boyfriend invalidated how she was feeling about this, which just made everything worse.'

Cold anger flared inside him. 'wow, what a jerk. Is she okay now?'

'Better than she was. I ended up offering any of us to go see Alexa, should the need arise. I… neglected to mention we could be there in an hour if we had to be.'

He snorted in amusement. Of course Sage would code the fact only _one_ of them could fly under the guise of _all_ the Ronin helping. 'thanks for not volunteering me...even though I /would/ do it'

'I know. But she doesn't… yet. I haven't decided if I should reveal Kourin.'

Rowen's brow furrowed in deep thought, a finger tapping the back of his phone subconsciously. Sage suspected she was a yoroi bearer, but as of yet had no evidence to back it up. _Youjakai_ energy seemed to be following her and possibly her friend around. The two had uncannily similar appearances, and both had been in Ottawa around the same time of their lives.

But something was still _missing._

And revealing the yoroi to someone outside their small circle was a colossal gamble. If they were wrong...

'if it comes to that…'

Sage spent a while typing; Rowen dropped his phone back to the bed to wait for the response, staring at the ceiling as all the little puzzle pieces he'd managed to dig up so far tried to fit together. When his notification dinged, he turned his head to read what his brother-in-arms had written. 'It… might. Alexa is being stalked to the point she's seeing the same person nearly every place she visits. She had to run away from her mother in order to move out. She has people who want to find her, and who want to bring her back.'

A cold shiver ran down his spine that had nothing to do with his typically low blood pressure. Snakes coiled in the pit of his stomach. 'I know it's not the best idea...but I think I have to agree with Kento on this one. I have a bad feeling about this'

It took a few long seconds for Sage to reply. 'Have you found anything else about the girls? Alexa in particular.'

'Yeah—not a lot, and not much on Alexa, but Tessa's father used to work in Ottawa. That was around the time she was born. And their birthdays are only two days apart'

'That's such a long time…' New message. 'Could you please… focus on Alexa's history? We need to know more about this cult, and about her. I don't feel comfortable asking about any health issues that could be made worse if… she is kidnapped…'

He shook his head sympathetically. This mystery was too intriguing for him _not_ to keep looking into their records. A part of him twinged with guilt at the invasion of privacy; he worked as a white hat hacker for some companies, not a black hat, but if these two were as central to this _youjakai_ activity as Sage thought they were, it needed to be done. Luckily all the records he'd found so far were publicly accessible—otherwise he risked being blacklisted from the cyber community.

'Of course, Seiji. I'm close to finding more—just having difficulty tracking down a few key threads. I'll let you know as soon as I get more' He paused, tapping his phone again, then shifted the topic slightly. 'how are /you/ holding up? sounds kinda like this is shaking you up quite a bit'

'The youja keep growing thicker. Something's going to happen, and it's on my shoulders.'

Unsettled Kento he could handle. Unsettled _Sage_ was another matter entirely. Rowen wondered if it might not be better for him to visit sooner than he'd planned, now that this was turning less into a matter of his dating life and more about his brother's wellbeing.

'I believe you'll be able to handle it, Seiji-sensei. And I'm only a yoroi call away at any time. My last exam is Tuesday, so I shouldn't have anything else to interfere with any...emergencies. Especially since Arago was so kind as to only strike on our academic break'

Kourin broadcasted his relief better than any phone call could have. 'Arigato. I'll be able to speak with Alexa again on Saturday, and in the meantime, just hope nothing happens.'

—T—

Sometimes it was more a curse than a blessing to grow up a cop's daughter. Combined with working toward a military career, I knew far too much about dangerous circumstances to have any good feelings about my sister's situation.

'Same guy. Looking at me on the bus. After self defence class. I don't know enough yet to beat him up properly'

My fingers flew across the keyboard of my computer in a familiar Tessa combo, tagged onto, 'I wish I could be there for you, sis… I don't like it. /Please/ stay safe'

Somehow, Alexa's dark humor didn't help this time. 'It gets hard to stay safe when danger decides to follow you around'

I bared my teeth and growled, eyes narrowed. The reassurance Sage had offered two weeks ago had only helped so much, especially as the stalking didn't let up; my anger at them and my helplessness was coming back. Reminded of the kendoka's offer of assistance, I reiterated my previous threat. 'Like I said, if they try anything…'

While it was nice to see the chipper side of her mood swings come out, I knew it didn't indicate actual happiness. Especially with her reply. 'As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I am also aware that likely won't happen'

Anime face shorthand had always been a useful way to convey my emotions—this particular instance was a sweatdrop. I debated whether or not to spill the beans in return for reassuring her it might _actually_ happen. 'Well…' Message number two elaborated: 'I uh...might've maybe kinda talked to Sage…justalittlebit'

There was a pause. 'What did you tell him'

Distinctly feeling caught with my hand in the cookie jar, I defended sheepishly, 'I didn't intend to it just. kinda. came out…' Another split to make it easier to read on her phone. 'I tried expressing concern to Michael because I'm scared for you and he didn't think I should be so worked up. I was blowing off steam in the dojo when Sage saw me and asked what was wrong'

Her reply took some time to type out. I watched the little bubble pop up and down anxiously. 'So my instincts about Michael were right and apparently my instincts about Sage were right so you know I'm going to ask when you're going to break up with Michael now, right? That is SO not okay what he did'

The well-meaning lecture had me squirming because deep down, I _knew_ she was right. But Michael had always been so kind and understanding about everything else—minus the trip to Japan. 'I knooooow but. just. he's been fine up 'til now and he just doesn't understand the whole situation because he doesn't /know/ that much about it. he should come around with a little more time…' It then crossed my mind I hadn't recalled her saying anything about Sage. '...wait, Sage?'

'Sage seemed to be treating you all the ways Michael doesn't aka he treats you right and validates you even though he doesn't know you and here Michael's known you how long and he's not even trying to understand who you are and bringing you to tears by invalidating you meanwhile Sage wiped them away.' A new message emphasized, 'A *boyfriend* bringing you to tears every time you express yourself isn't normal. Not at all'

Conflicting emotions rolled around my mind. On the one hand, there were times Michael hadn't had the _best_ reaction. But on the other, we were all human and not everyone was going to get along one hundred percent of the time. Misunderstandings were normal in relationships.

'It hasn't been /every/ time…'

'It's been twice in a month. Abusers work on the honeymoon-threat-apology-honeymoon cycle. He wouldn't start that way because he wants to reel you in. This is a red flag, sis' she insisted.

I bit my lip. Alexa was nothing if not persistent as a terrier when she had a sense about something. 'but I don't want to break up with him long distance... that's just not right'

'So… you're breaking up with him?'

Well then. I sighed, weighing everything that had happened and been said back and forth. This wasn't going to be something I was going to commit to just yet; I needed to let it sink in. Big decisions were always that way with me. Indecisiveness was practically the bane of my existence. 'I just...need time to think about it. but if I do, I'm not gonna cop out by doing it here.'

'Aka you're going to break up with him in person if you do break up with him?'

'*nod*'

I could just imagine the long-suffering sigh she'd probably have made upon seeing that. One reason we always joked we were sisters—we were either the exact opposite, or identical. Certain circumstances brought out the same mulish stubbornness in me as in her. 'Please bring somebody with you. Need I remind you I have spare vacation days'

I snorted. She'd only been saying it practically since the moment Michael showed any hints of behavior she called a red flag. The protectiveness was comforting, though; I wouldn't have it any other way. 'don't worry, I'll drag my brother along, or something'

'Good. I don't get a good feeling about this guy, and that's not PTSD or paranoia talking' I didn't respond to that, watching and waiting as she kept typing. 'Speaking of… my stop is coming up and that guy hasn't gotten off. I'll text you when I make it home…'

A spike of alarm shot my blood pressure sky high. 'got your alarm chain at the ready? Seriously if you have to insist on the bus driver walking you home or something…'

'*Shakes head* that's only if the stop is along the route… I wish, though. But I don't want to make somebody lose their jobs. I'll… just keep messaging actually…'

I frowned. 'are you sure? I'd rather you keep your head on a swivel…' If there was any real danger involved, then having her phone out and eyes on the screen would be a hindrance rather than a help. 'Is anyone else getting off at your stop? or anyone you could ask to escort you?'

'Nope… just me and creep. I could call…'

As much as the thought made me nauseous, I knew it would help her to stay relatively calm if she had my voice—something real—to hold onto. And she had her alarm…

'Ok'

It didn't take five seconds for my phone to ring; I snatched it up and waited for her to speak, heart sinking at the haggard breathing on the other end. "I know you're probably thinking I should have my hands free to punch but one's already on my alarm and if I'm honest I'm too scared to do much except scream."

The nausea turned into a snake in my stomach and a rock in throat. "Screaming is good. Running is also good. Where are you right now?"

"Just got off the bus. At the stop. I kind of just ran up the stairs and didn't even notice if he got off but I don't think he did. I just looked behind me and he's not there."

I let out a shaky exhale, despite knowing she wasn't quite in the clear just yet. "Ok…"

She stress-rambled as I listened to her continue walking. "I hate knowing that adrenalin is actually something worse to have going through your system it brings on tunnel vision and it makes you flighty and prone to missing things and I'm just about to get out of an easy run to the call box… I… might've been hanging out near it at the top of the bus stop…"

"Take a deep breath, sis. A couple slow ones." I felt myself needing the same advice and let out a huge exhale, feeling my chest practically cave in at the sudden exodus of air from my lungs. "Remember to keep scanning, that'll help prevent tunnel vision. Check your six, too."

A pause indicated she'd taken a moment to look behind her. "Nobody there… going to get away from the bus stop and walk home. And try to keep breathing. I'm debating just running the whole length but then somebody could pounce on me. I've never been particularly fast."

"A faster target is harder to hit…" I murmured uncertainly.

I heard a door swing open, and her head turning. "I'm… going to run. It's like three hundred feet and I've always been a sprinter and adrenalin is made for running away."

I swallowed, my voice coming out somewhat thinly. "Go for it…"

 _'Run like the wind, sis…'_

Microphone feedback, jostling, and her uneven breathing came loud in my ears for a few long seconds.

Then a yelp, the sound of an impact—two, the second more metallic and close to the speaker—and a growled voice in the background.

"Stay quiet."

I shot to my feet, otherwise frozen in horror as I listened to Alexa panic and a struggle ensue. "Alexa!"

The scuffling continued, then footsteps, scratching close to the speaker.

The call disconnected.

I'd heard all about shock from my first aid classes. I recalled none of it until my phone slipped from my hand to clatter on the floor, and I realized my body was shaking. I wanted to scream, but nothing came out.

Then it finally hit me.

Someone had kidnapped my sister.

Before my knees could buckle, I braced myself against the desk, suddenly understanding why Alexa always wanted to vomit when she was anxious. My insides felt like twisted up glue.

Then my thoughts finally latched onto one sliver of hope.

 _'Sage!'_

I bolted out of my room, flying down the hall toward the dojo where I felt most likely to find him at this time of the morning. Not even bothering to grab shoes—even tossing off the house slippers so as to run better—I flew through the door out into the garden.

"Tessa-chan!"

Sage's voice pulled me up short on the far side of the garden, adrenaline rushing like a waterfall through my veins. I turned, wide-eyed, and saw him jogging toward me from the walkway that lead to the meditation garden in the opposite wing of the house.

More mindful of the round stones beneath my socked feet, I hastened to meet him back in the middle of the garden and didn't hesitate to hug him tightly. The fear was _really_ starting to set in, now, more terrified than I'd ever been before.

He almost sounded stressed, himself, normally smooth voice edged with deep concern. "What's wrong?"

"They got her!" I blurted, fisting my hands in his button-down shirt. I could feel the panic-ramble threatening behind the overwhelming rush of tears, but tried to keep it short and upfront. "Sage I was just on the phone with her and someone grabbed her and I don't know what to do!"

One of his arms looped protectively around my shoulders; I could feel his body tense. "I… I've let my friends know what's happening. He'll be there shortly." I hardly got a chance to confusedly protest with a weak "w-what?" before he was leading me back to the house, saying, "And yes, I do mean Canada… I'll explain once we're inside."

—~—

Seeing Tessa bolt for the _youja_ filled dojo was one thing. Hearing Alexa had been kidnapped stopped Sage in his tracks.

 _'Rowen get out of bed and get to Canada._ NOW. _'_

Rowen responded with the mental equivalent of falling out of bed, tangled in sheets. _'What the hell happened, Sage?'_

He explained the situation to Tessa verbally, well-practiced in holding two conversations at once. _'Alexa got taken and Tessa nearly got taken. She_ would _have had I not called her name.'_

 _"What?"_ The yoroi connection strengthened as he cursed in all six languages he knew. _"Going. What's the address?"_

He lead her deeper in the house. "What is her address? Yes I will explain I need her address first."

She faltered, still visibly overwhelmed. "U-uh…" After a moment, she exhaled and gave him the required information, before returning to her questions. "Sage, I don't understand…"

He could only half pay attention to her lost tone; he relayed the information to Rowen, before saying through what felt like grit teeth, _'I have to reveal the yoroi. I know Alexa has one. I sensed her_ moments _before Tessa came to find me.'_

 _'Do what you have to.'_

 _'Arigato.'_ He lead her into his room, almost not believing he was doing this. He sat her on the bed and followed, holding her shoulders. "Tessa-chan… I am not sure how to say this. The only way I know how is to show you."

She nodded more on automatic than anything, still lost— he caught a swallow from nerves.

He picked Kourin up from the nightstand, the small crystal already readying for war the way it had too often. He held it out to her, expecting her confusion. The orb vanished, subarmour flowing over his body like a second skin. She gasped and scooted back, looking him up and down in shock.

"It won't hurt you. It's…" He took a deep breath to steady himself, in too deep to back out now. "Its name is Kourin. My friend Rowen has a yoroi known as Tenku. He's already flying to Canada using that yoroi."

She blinked. "B-But...but... _how_ …"

Recalling the history of the yoroi was as easy as breathing— it had been his bedtime story as a child. "Hundreds of years ago, a youja came to earth. A monk defeated him and split his body into nine separate yoroi. Five of those yoroi went to legendary daimyo in Japan. Kourin went to Date Masamune, and over the years, legend of it has been passed down from generation to generation. Rowen is from the Hashiba clan— they had been entrusted with another yoroi, Tenku. There are three others on earth, and four in another realm. The monk imbued them with abilities that would allow them to fight evil. My powers revolve around light and healing. Tenku's are wind and space."

Her voice remained as weak as it had been throughout this whole conversation. "Why...why are you showing me this? What does it have to do with Alexa being kidnapped?"

This didn't feel like his secret to say. But she had asked, and he hoped Alexa would understand if she ever found out. "The yoroi have a link between them. We can sense each other from around the world. While I was meditating… I sensed her kidnapping. She reached to me. I think she was reaching for you."

Kourin gently poked what he thought Alexa had been reaching for; a faint light emerged under her shirt. He had avoided sensing Tessa's yoroi with his own, in a way fearing this exact reaction. But his instincts couldn't be ignored anymore. Her breath caught and she fumbled for leather he'd seen around her neck but never asked about— a half orb was attached to the end. She pulled it over her head and dropped the necklace in her lap, staring at it as if it would bite.

Sage pulled Kourin down to its orb, holding it against her yoroi. The lights pulsed between the two, quickly syncing up, each pulse amplifying the next. "They respond to each other."

Her eyes filled with tears, emotions a mix of lost and sheer terror. "S-Sage…"

He put a hand over hers. "We'll get her back. Five of us were entrusted with these yoroi to protect the world from evil. We have already won a war, and rescued each other when three of us were taken as prisoners."

The tears spilled over, her practically burrowing into his chest. It didn't take long for her to start sobbing. Between them, she managed to get out: "W-Why? Why did they take her? How c-could this _happen_? She never did anyt-thing _wrong_ and—and—"

He held her as she just cried, not answering her rhetorical questions— not like he knew the answers, himself. He still didn't want to admit the cult could have ties to Arago. All he did was rub her back, already having learned how much that simple movement helped.

Eventually, Tessa stopped crying. She pulled back just enough to reach for her yoroi; she hesitated before picking it up, but eventually did. Otherwise she seemed blank, unable to process everything she had just been told.

Sage placed a hand on her shoulder. "Do you want something to drink?"

She simply nodded, struggling with words and wiping tears away.

He pulled a tissue box in her reach. "Water, tea, juice?"

She gave a soft laugh, at least, managing a small smile. "Water, or juice. Please."

That steadied him enough he could finally drag himself out of his own bubble and reach out to the others as he went to the kitchen. The others were all hovering, chomping at the bit to find out what had happened that had Rowen be awake so early and Sage so closed off for as long as he was.

 _'Alexa was kidnapped,'_ Sage said bluntly. _'Tessa nearly was.'_

Rekka turned to ice. Kongo to sand. Suiko was a storm at sea.

 _'What the hell?'_

It was near impossible to tell which parts of that sentence had been said by Kento, Ryo, and Cye.

Sage added ice to the glass and piled some cookies Tessa had taken a liking to onto a plate. _'Rowen's flying over to see what he can do, maybe get a trail. I wish I could've gone with him, but he needed speed. Tessa only just stopped crying now. Both girls have a yoroi.'_

Ryo's heartbreak was so strong it made Sage's own chest ache more than it already was. _'We need to get to Canada.'_

 _'I'm in my last exam. I won't be available for another four hours, at least.'_

Kento had some practicality in the current situation. _'Is Rowen coming back?'_

 _'He has to,'_ Sage replied. _'The police and who knows how many other forces will be involved. I don't want to explain away a yoroi.'_

 _'I'll start packing for all three of us,'_ he replied. _'Give us a head start.'_

Ryo's wildfire turned to a concentrated burn. _'I'll let Mia know, and see how soon we can get tickets.'_

Sage felt a little guilty being the hitch in the plan. _'I'll bring Tessa over as soon as she feels stable enough to pack and travel to Tokyo. I don't want to push her right now.'_

That got Ryo to soften. _'I agree. We probably won't be able to get a flight for this many people until later tomorrow, anyway. Let her come around on her own terms; I'm sure she's both shocked and grief-stricken right now. I understand, and I'm sure Rowen does, too.'_

Cye added on, _'Can you please ask about any medical conditions Alexa has? I understand if Tessa can't give the information now, but in case something catastrophic is possible… namely any medications and something like if she's diabetic.'_

Sage nodded as he gathered up the water and cookies. _'I will. I'll let you know what I discover as I do, if Tessa is willing to speak.'_

Everyone closed back off with agreement, gratitude, and support. Questions were impossible to answer, so nobody voiced them. He came back in the room to her looking at her phone, typing away. He didn't ask, simply set the dishes down beside her.

"Thank you," she murmured. She picked up a cookie, still with her phone in hand as she nibbled, before putting her phone down and taking a drink with her now-free hand. Her knees drew to her chest as she stared at the black screen.

Sage rested a hand on her foot. "Alexa will be alright. Once Rowen gets there, he can give us some idea of where she might be."

Her nod was tiny. "I just...wish I could _do_ something…"

He squeezed her foot. "So do I. Right now all we can do is prepare to fly to Canada so we can help her, and keep our senses peeled in case she manages to reach out again."

Her jaw dropped, body uncurling from a ball to stare at him in shock. "Wait— _what_? Fly— Flying— ... _What_?"

He tried not to laugh at her shock, instead giving her a warm smile. "We're not going to leave her alone with these demons. Besides… there is a very strong possibility this cult has ties to an enemy in our pasts, and if he is at the smallest risk of rising again, we need to be involved."

She blinked, tears welling up again. She held him tightly around his chest, the faintest traces of surprise and gratitude already managing to filter their way through the yoroi connection from their intensity. "Thank you. _Thank you_ …"

He held her against him. "I meant it, when I said we would help you should the worst happen. Now that it has, we need to minimize the potential damage and let her know she's safe. What better way than to have her sister be there?"

She drew back and wiped her tears again. "I'm...I'm just...so _scared_ …"

He squeezed her shoulders. "It's okay to be scared. I've been scared, too—terrified, really. It's what we do with that fear that tells us who we are."

She did manage to smile, this time, bolstered by his words. It didn't last long before she sighed and tightened her hand around her orb. "Just… I'm sure _she's_ terrified and I hate to think what her mom is going to do to her and…and I wish it would all just go away…" The lump in her throat returned. "What's going to _happen_ to her?"

He found her hand again. "Rowen will spend some time in Canada to try and track her, and get a sense of how she is. If there's any immediate danger, we'll tip the local authorities to where she is so she can be rescued sooner. Once we've found her, we can determine where to take her. We'll be right there with you both to make sure you're safe, and to give her the space to recover. All we need to know from you is what might impact her health— like if she's diabetic, or on any kind of medication. Don't worry about administering them. One of us is an EMT and is currently in medical school. He'll be able to take care of her however she needs."

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, she's…got a few things…" Her exhale was shaky, reflecting the shock she still felt. "But…just…I. Don't know if I can, right now…"

He nodded and squeezed her hand, letting her know he wasn't about to leave. "Take your time. We don't need to know right away."

Her next smile was reassured, and he knew she was feeling at least a little better when she was returned to her curiousness. "Can you…tell me more about the armors?"

He nodded and began with Arago's defeat, and the five that had ended up with the Ronin. He had just filled in Suiko, Kongo, and Rekka's histories when Rowen tapped in again— over an hour later— voice grim and worn. ' _She's gone, Seiji. No sign of struggle, but the_ energy _… It's nearly overwhelming.'_

He gave the impression of a nod. _"I got the same sense for the dojo. It's dissipated now, but she nearly walked right into it…"_

Once again, Sage heard a string of curses in multiple languages. _"So she…"_

Sage glanced down to the faintly glowing orb still in her lap. _"I'm staring at a half orb, glowing with Kourin near it, and I've never sensed it before. It's on a leather necklace she had been wearing."_ He paused, trying to lighten the mood with humour that felt more appropriate coming from Kento. _"If that isn't a yoroi, I don't know what it is."_

 _"And whoever these people are they nearly got two,"_ Rowen spat out with more curses. Knowing this topic was fruitless, he switched. _"I'm going to pack some of Alexa's things so she'll have them when we find her. Have you told the others yet?"_

He gave the impression of a nod. _'Mia's working on tickets for all of us— you need to come back and fly with us_ legally _in case the authorities are involved. We don't want to hide any more magical happenings than we have to.'_

 _'Don't have to tell me that twice,'_ Rowen said with dry humour _You have no idea how much of a pain in the neck avoiding air traffic is in this day and age, let alone everything_ else _involved in air travel…'_

That seemed to lift Sage's mood, fractionally, as he murmured apologies to Tessa and explained what Rowen had just said. Before he could get back into the story about their yoroi, Rowen yanked his attention back to the connection.

 _'Wait. You said it was a half orb?'_

Sage double checked that the orb was still a perfect half. _'Yes. Why?'_

* * *

Translations

 _kendoka:_ kendoist (lit. "one who practices the art of the sword")


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings:** kidnapping, distorted eating, emotional abuse, cults, suicidal ideation

 **EDIT:** Yup. More edits. ...Aaaand they're going to trickle into chapter 5, but hopefully that'll be the last of the _major_ edits. Everything else should be minor tweaks to reflect the emotional and plot changes in these last two/three chapters.

* * *

 _Chapter 4_

—A—

I heard her call my name. I lunged to try and get out, but a hand over my mouth yanked me back. I cried out when the back of my head hit the jamb of a car door and crumpled to avoid the pain. They yanked me into the car and shoved me against the floor, one man's feet going to the back of my neck before I could say anything. Tessa's words about screaming echoed through my mind around a throbbing headache, but I was frozen. Another man's feet rested heavily against my thighs and I sobbed more than winced.

They threw a blanket over me and the car sped off.

I kept shifting under them, sometimes earning kicks. I switched between crying, paralysis, and trying to formulate a plan. The latter was made infinitely difficult from cult energy swirling thick and ash-like around me; Dusk constantly struggled to get past it, to find that _light_ it knew all too well. I caught brushes of it, the tar quickly obscuring everything again.

The darkness thickened in a way that made Dusk stronger, thank god. I was able to _think_ , body honed into a sense of hyper-reactivity I couldn't maintain for very long, but for short bursts, it was perfect. The pressure lifted from my neck; I inhaled as they pulled me up, placing me between the two and the soles of the other's feet pulling on my skin. The wincing from scrapes didn't last long, disorientation at being shoved in the seat and a seat belt strapped around me, their hands on either wrist to keep me in place.

"We're going to let you out here," the driver said. "You're going to go with your friends in the car over there— see it? The silver one."

I nodded at the barely visible outline of a silver car in the otherwise nearly black night. The gas station wasn't particularly well lit, and the car was parked away from the pumps as it waited.

They'd have to let go of me to let me out of the car.

My gym bag, minus the alarm, was put in my lap. They had most certainly trapped me quite well— no suburbs within running distance, an otherwise deserted highway, in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't even tell if we were in Ontario or Quebec— there weren't any road signs, and brand names didn't get translated.

We pulled up into the station and the driver got out, opening the door facing the opposite car. The barrier between me and them got out, pulling me out with him. I stumbled and nearly fell out, muscles lead from lack of food, water, and sleep. Not to mention being cramped under their feet for I did not know how many hours.

Once I was safely within reaching range of the other man waiting for me, the kidnappers traded drivers and left.

I could already feel that black, icky tar trying to take over. Dusk resisted it, shining out and trying to find the familiar, external light source.

Instead of opening the car door to let me in, the man simply said, "Would you like some food at the gas station?"

I perked up and ran inside, recognizing an opportunity when I saw it. The minute I crossed the threshold the tar _broke_ , Dusk spreading out as far as it could reach and finally finding the light it had been looking for.

The tar caught me a moment later, closing the world off and leaving me with only ghosts of memories about what I had just sensed. A cautious hunt for my phone revealed it tucked at the top of the bag— dead. I swallowed and hesitantly made my way down the chips aisle, picking what I was craving. Dill pickle flavoured chips were on the list, but the moment I turned around to pay for them, they were taken out of my hands.

"Did you check if they had sugar in them?"

I paused and shook my head meekly, voiceless as he put them back for me after a tisk indicating there was, indeed, sugar in them. I grabbed salt and vinegar instead, but those were similarly taken out of my hands and put back.

"You nearly fell— you must be eating too many bad things, if you're not able to stand."

I swallowed as almonds and cashews were picked out _for_ me, barely able to find my voice. "I hate almonds."

"You need them to digest properly," he replied.

Not for the first time, I cursed my lack of verbal capacity. While I meant to say I was _allergic_ to almonds, all I could get out was another, "I hate almonds."

The headshake I got was all too familiar. The dismissive, exasperated motion that said I was incorrigible and didn't know what was best for me without guidance. He turned to walk to the cashier, already pulling out his wallet.

I darted in front of him. "I'll pay."

 _That_ got heat in his voice. "I can handle it."

She scanned the items, staying out of it. "Cash, debit, or credit?"

Before he could say anything I said, "Visa."

She cued it up. I swiped my card, not giving him a pin number to muddy my trail.

"Sign here."

My handwriting was a little shaky, but it was mine. On a receipt timestamped 4:43 am, in a gas station I had no place being. At a time I never had credit card activity.

I was ushered out of the store, and given the nuts. I didn't eat them, instead lagging behind to pull a pen out of my gym bag and writing my initials— my real ones and my fake ones really only Tessa knew about— on the price tag. I darted out to shove them between the garbage bag container and the bag itself, before I trotted to catch up with my kidnapper.

"There won't be anything else until breakfast."

I shrugged. There was a reason I'd nearly starved to death, before.

They loaded me up in the car and let me sit properly in the back, nobody looking for me anymore. Trying to make me feel welcome in an environment that screamed hostility. The back of my head still throbbed and every pulled joint was a radiating centre of chronic pain. It all just hurt.

I wanted to go home.

—8—

Rowen had just found divorce papers in Tessa's father's name last night.

 _"What's Alexa's mother's name?"_

There was a brief sense of ebb and flow as Kourin's attention waned while Sage asked the required question. The name he came back with ripped curses from the archer's tongue and knotted his stomach with dread.

Even though he hadn't yet had a chance to confirm it, he had briefly looked into Tessa's father's ex-wife to about the superficial depth of a Google search. But that was enough. Enough to know there was a connection.

 _"Sage, please tell me I'm wrong because_ gods _for once I don't_ want _to be right."_

A pregnant pause said all it needed to. _"Don't tell me that resemblance is familial."_

 _"As gods-damned familial as our yoroi lineage."_ His temper abruptly cooled, like frost on a space station window. _"TWINS, Sage. They're freakin' TWINS!"_ A string muttered curses continued to fly like arrows from his lips. Kento would have been proud of his little bookworm friend at that moment.

Sage had gone still as his mind processed the turn of events. _"Should I tell her?"_

Now uneasiness replaced anger. _"I… I don't want to stress her more by springing this on her, on top of everything else…"_

 _"I… I agree."_ Seeming to read Rowen's own sense of guilt, Sage continued softly, _"They need to know eventually. Once we've rescued her it's going to come out, anyway…"_

 _"...I know."_ He sighed, equally as resigned as his friend to that inevitability. _"I don't know how, but...we have to. They need to be able to trust us."_

 _"Hopefully this doesn't shatter what little we have."_

He nodded, silent and grim in his agreement. _"I'm going to start looking into he—_ their _mother. See what I can find that can maybe give us a clue as to where they took her."_

 _"Please do. I'm sickened to think how this woman got Tessa's information, if it was her laying the trap in the dojo…"_

The space frost returned as Rowen found her computer half covered under a sweatshirt on the couch. Hoping she didn't take the precaution to password protect her computer-thus forcing him to hack into it-he replied, _"Believe me. When I see her, I'm going to be sure to give her a piece of my mind."_

 _"I believe all of us will."_ There was another pause, his attention briefly turning away once more. _"Can you tell the others? I'm still calming Tessa and I don't want her to wonder why I'm pausing so much."_

It had taken him an hour to fly out here. The fact she was still upset to the point of needing more comfort tugged on his heart. If he weren't still standing by adrenaline alone, he would almost consider flying straight back. _"Of course."_ A moment's hesitation passed before he requested, _"Let me know how she's doing. I...remember how it felt, when my friends were abruptly taken."_

Kourin warmed with a small measure of affection. _"She's calming as I tell her about the yoroi, at least. Surprised we offered to fly over to Canada for her and Alexa."_

That melted the frost that still narrowed his eyes with ebbing fury. _"Good. I would let her know we'll find the bastards that did this in person, but…"_

Sage laughed lightly at Rowen's mental gesture to "kinda busy/working on finding her sister". _"Leave_ that _to Kento."_

He in turn responded with a laugh, as the blond withdrew completely to focus on Tessa and their next steps. Rowen, in the meantime, thanked his lucky stars the computer didn't ask for a password before stretching out to the remaining three yoroi. " _Soooo our little kidnapping situation just got_ infinitely _more complicated."_

Kento, with all the finesse of a raging bull, demanded, " _What the fuck happened_ now _?"_

 _"The cult wants Alexa and Tessa…because they're twins. Which, might I mention, just so happen to be one of the more powerful types of occultic channels."_

A shocked pause filled the connection as he typed away, navigating to and accessing his personal encrypted server. _"…You're kidding."_

 _"I wish I were._ Gods _I wish I were wrong. But I found divorce records in their father's name last night and the mother's name is a perfect match."_ Scrolling through the research he'd accumulated so far, he explained, _"I'm still looking into their mother for corroborating information, but I am ninety-nine percent certain they're related."_

 _"Do_ they _know?"_ Cye asked

 _"If they do, they sure as hell deserve actresses of the year awards, because they haven't said a word to Sage the whole time Tessa's been here."_

Sage caught the use of his name and tapped back into the conversation proper. _"What was that about saying something to me?"_

 _"Either the girls were lying to you, or they didn't know they're sisters. My money's on the latter,"_ Rowen repeated.

 _"I don't see why they would lie about it,"_ he said, matter of fact.

A silent sense from Ryo of wanting to know more preempted Sage tuning back out. Metaphorically turning to Rowen, the Ronin leader asked, _"What do you know so far?"_

 _"The divorce records are really the only hard-hitting evidence I have, so far."_ His eyes flicked across the screen, opening tabs to start a couple different internet searches. _"Even that's partly an educated guess, since her mother's most likely remarried since then. Now that I have an inkling they're related, though, I'm going back through and searching for anything with their father's last name and Alexa's first to see if I can link them by other means."_

He didn't have long to wait. He paused, eyes halting on an old scanned-in newspaper clipping from a Canadian newspaper. Two tiny pictures and a small block of text with a bold title were all it contained, but it was enough.

A birth announcement. For twins-the oldest named Alexa, the youngest named Tessa.

Words deserted him. The silent apartment pressed in on him, but he hardly felt it, eyes locked on those pictures. Half spheres, twin armor Bearers, a cult out to snatch them both back…

Nothing about this sat well with him.

Ryo had politely waited out Rowen's silence, but clearly was chomping on the bit for information. _"Found something?"_

"A birth announcement," he breathed. _"In the local paper. October 1993. Twins Alexa and Tessa Schildknect of Toronto, Canada."_

The connection went unnaturally still. Rowen swallowed, finally glancing away and rubbing one eye with the heel of his palm. His adrenaline kick was wearing off, and bone- almost soul-deep weariness was just starting to settle in.

Kento's curiosity nudged him back to the topic. _"What… what even made you think they_ were _related?"_

 _"To be honest, it started with their profile pictures,"_ he explained, stifling a sudden yawn. _"Sage noticed it first, but they have an uncanny resemblance to each other. It wasn't until just now when he told me Tessa's yoroi is a half orb, though, that the thought occurred to me—the armors have_ always _been passed down through families. Even in my case."_

Rowen was starting to get sick of the quiet that followed every revelation. Ryo broke it, this time. _"So they each have a half?"_

Sage, thankfully, chimed in to answer this one. _"I sensed Alexa's kidnapping. For a half orb, she's_ powerful _."_

The icy grip of something unnamed which had come over him earlier returned. Pieces of a puzzle circled in his mind, lacking the one defining feature that would help him put it all together. _"A cult that would kidnap to return a former member to its ranks—a_ powerful _one. A cult that wouldn't hesitate to look for her twin and, ostensibly, the same amount of power, even if untrained._ And _both of them with armors we've never heard of..."_

 _"I don't like this. I don't like it one bit,"_ Kento growled.

Cye echoed the idea that had already been plaguing Rowen and Sage. _"This smacks of Arago."_

 _"You don't have to tell me twice… now that I'm sensing Sendai, there's still_ youja _hiding."_

A flash of panic at Ryo's observation hastened Rowen's words. _"Don't let her out of your sight, Sage. I wouldn't put it past them to try again."_

 _"I do not plan to."_

Their leader, of course, would pick up on Rowen's emotions and exhaustion. _"We have things in hand over here, Rowen. Mia's looking at tickets now, and Sage won't let them get the drop on us again. Rest up for the trip back; I can't imagine we'll be taking off any sooner than tomorrow afternoon, looking at these search results. You have plenty of time."_

 _"I'll worry about packing. And yes I will bring your swim trunks,"_ Kento reassured him, traces of amusement behind Kongo.

Rowen snorted, glancing over at the suitcase he'd found in Alexa's closet just before sitting down at the computer. _"Thanks. Not like I'm not doing a little packing myself, over here…"_

Cye the medic stepped into the conversation. _"Look for any medication, please? Tessa still isn't in a state she can tell us, and we need to know if she's on anything and the dose."_

 _"I think I saw a pill bottle in the recycling, if that's any indication,"_ he noted absently. Another yawn had ambushed him, eyelids starting to slip a little more closed for a little longer, this time.

 _"We need to know if she can miss a dose. Depending on what it is, we might need to contact the authorities instead of waiting to find her,"_ he said, voice heavy with trepidation.

He nodded grimly. _"I'll take a look, Cye. Don't worry."_

Finally, he could hide his yawns from the others no longer. Warm amusement from Rekka nudged him further into half-asleep drowsiness. _"Go to bed. Everything else can wait."_

Tenku agreed with Ryo, reserves drained almost to the point of nothing after the cross-globe trek. Even half-asleep as he was, it suddenly occurred to Rowen he'd managed an incredible feat. As much as he _felt_ he should not be so tired, on an instinctive level he understood how much of a miracle it was he had even stayed on his feet as long as he had.

With a mental note to make some calculations on that once his brain could think straight, he promptly collapsed into unconsciousness.

—~—

Sage stayed beside Tessa as they got to the train connecting Sendai to Tokyo, ushering her through motions he had done dozens of times, but she seemed overwhelmed with after the events of today. _He_ was feeling a little overwhelmed with the train after events of today. It was impossible to imagine the turmoil she was going through.

They settled into the near-empty car, her beside the window, him on the outside of her and Kourin watching for any more _youja_. She seemed to relax when the train began moving, which made him relax. He let the silence sit for awhile, watching her out of the corner of his eye and softly inviting her yoroi— Akatsuki, she'd told him— to mingle with Kourin. It was a yoroi that reminded him much of his own, the faintest senses of light and green already visible as it began to wake. No wonder Alexa had mixed the two up.

The city dropped away quickly, scenery flying past from the train's speed. Tessa sighed, lost in her thoughts and both of them once again without anything to do for hours.

Talking would fill the time. "How're you feeling?"

She rubbed her face. "Tired. Maybe still...in a little shock, to be honest." Her smile was tinged with sadness. "Sure I'll feel more when that wears off."

He placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. He knew he had to spend the time they had to explain most of what the others knew, to make sure she understood the scale, but a large part of him didn't even want to entertain the thought. It had to be done, though, and he hoped this angle would prevent her from asking questions about Alexa. "I'm… going to guess part of you is wondering why we're so willingly involved."

She raised her eyebrow at the odd question, but none the less nodded.

He smiled slightly at her expression, a little more relaxed, before looking away. "We are all positive that a youja from our past has connections to the group that kidnapped Alexa. I— we learned of this because the same energy I sensed around her was also around you."

She blinked. "M-Me?"

He nodded. "We aren't completely sure how, but they seem to be aware of your armour. They would have captured you in the dojo, had you run into it."

Her eyes widened. "Who 'they', exactly…?"

"The cult Alexa was raised in," he murmured. "The same energy Rowen and I sensed around Alexa's kidnapping was in the dojo, waiting."

She rubbed one arm, looking at the floor. Her grip was more akin to hugging herself than anything else. "But—but _how_? How could they have known? And why...why would they want _me_?"

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. "The more armours they control, the more powerful they can potentially be. Even a half such as yours holds immense potential. We're here to keep you safe and out of their grip."

Only _after_ he'd said that did he realize just what that tipped his hand for. Her next question and frown indicated she wanted to continue down the path he'd opened up and had hoped to keep closed. "So...is mine going to look like yours, eventually?"

 _If it separated because of twins, not unless your sister dies_ , he thought. Not wanting to even entertain that possibility, or hint at anything _else_ about what he did not want to discuss until both girls were safe, he ran through every possible answer before settling on something that felt mostly safe. "I'm not sure. Ours were whole orbs from the start."

She sighed dejectedly. "Of _course_ mine would have to be different…"

He wanted to say Alexa's orb was likely the same, but that would just lead to questions about why he guessed that and Sage had no solid answers that didn't involve saying they were family. History was, again, the safer topic. "I don't actually know what the origin of your armour is. The nine we had previously known all came from the demon's body, and the legends never mentioned any others."

She looked down and played with the necklace that held her yoroi. "Maybe that ancient guy you told me about knew something…"

He nodded more on automatic than anything. "If we're lucky, he'll tell us in a dream. He was known to be particularly hard to reach even when he was alive."

She snorted. "Aren't all good mystics?"

That sarcasm closed the door to the path he didn't even want to think about, which just made him nod and internally exhale. Figuring he should keep her distracted, he asked, "Do you want me to tell you about the others?"

She brightened ever so slightly and nodded. "I'd like that."

He smiled. "Ryo is the one with Wildfire. He was our leader, during the… last conflict we had. When we were asleep after Arago sent us off, he woke me up, then Cye, then Rowen. I woke Kento. He has a temper to match his armour's namesake, but it comes from incredible caring and wanting to prevent harm. He has a white tiger named White Blaze."

Tessa snickered at that. "Did he name it? Because that's _so_ original."

He shook his head. "As far as we know, White Blaze is over a thousand years old."

Her expression made Sage wish he had a camera easily available. Her eyes widened as big as he'd ever seen them, jaw going slack. "...Wha… _What_?"

He kept laughter out of his tone, but he couldn't help feel fond of her. "He predates our armours, and was in the fight that created them. He acts as our protector, when we struggle to keep going— physically and emotionally."

Hopefully White Blaze would be able to soothe her like he'd soothed the Ronin. And, eventually, help Alexa. There was nothing quite like resting beside a tiger to make you feel safe, as all of them had discovered at different points.

Meanwhile, Tessa kept trying to find something to say in response to what had become normal to Sage— while he knew not everyone had pet tigers, he had never brought it up to anyone before— and eventually she settled on, "...He has a fucking _tiger_?"

Now he laughed softly. "You'll get to meet him in a few hours, once we're at Mia's house— Mia Koji helped us with researching our armours, following her grandfather's research."

"Okay…" she said, look very much asking what she had gotten herself into. She seemed to be having a harder time accepting _this_ than their yoroi. "Are the rest of you quite so...eccentric?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Define eccentric?"

It was her turn to laugh. "Any _other_ magic creatures running around, strange pets…?"

That made him pause. While he wouldn't call Suiki a pet or even particularly magical, Tessa probably would. "Cye befriended an orca as a child, who helped him retrieve his armour as a teenager, and has helped him swim halfway around Japan. We aren't completely sure she _isn't_ magic, considering her uncanny timing."

She shook her head. "I can't decide whether to squeal over the fact she's an orca, because I _adored_ them as a child, or get off at the next stop."

That had a little too much seriousness in it for Sage. He clasped her shoulder. "We're not going to let you out of our sight."

She startled, eyes going wide from fear, this time. Her hand went up to reassure him. "Just a joke. I'm not going anywhere." She looked down at her lap, hand dropping. "Can't really back out now…"

He adjusted his grip to comfort her, only now aware of the memories behind his eyes. "Apologies. We… all get on edge when one of us is missing. We've already lived through one kidnapping of Bearers."

Her hand went to Akatsuki on its cord, a single dry chuckle accompanying the movement. "Is that...what we are, now? Bearers?"

"Yes." He rubbed her back, guessing at what was running through her mind. "We're all here to help each other shoulder the responsibility that comes with that."

She swallowed. "Like...like what? Didn't—didn't you destroy Arago?"

He nodded. "We did. But the cult seems to be tapping into his lingering energy."

She went quiet and leaned against him, taking the orb out from under her shirt and studying it. He wished he knew how to soothe her, but the full ramifications of everything they had discovered today were making it difficult for Sage to soothe himself. Tessa needed him more, but maybe the previous conversation had been for himself as much as for her.

He didn't know just how deep the darkness went in his mind. He focused on the fear playing out, letting it wash over him— fear of becoming traumatized again. He had spent so long fighting the aftermath of one war, the thought of another possible trauma, another possible aftermath, was nearly overwhelming.

That was his answer for how deep the darkness went. He focused on watching the present, both Rowen napping in Ottawa and the current train ride. The others were all hovering nearby, Ryo making sure all the pieces they had were moving along, and making sure none of them were losing themselves to shock and rage. Sage appreciated the extra flame to guide him, to remind him the past wouldn't repeat because they knew what to watch out for.

Somewhere in the remainder of the train ride, he slipped into meditating, just to soothe himself. Right when he was about to pull himself back as Tokyo approached, something kept him in it.

A purple light.

Alexa's light.

She had moved southwest of Rowen's presence, a fair distance, youja swirling thick around her yoroi. Before Sage could reach out to talk to her, let her know they _would_ find her, they closed over the light and all he could sense was blackness.

He pulled himself out of meditation and looked down at Tessa, still against him but sitting much straighter.

If she hadn't been paying attention to Canada… he didn't want to think about the repercussions, not yet.

"Did you feel that?"

She looked up at him, eyes slightly wide, yoroi questioning what 'that' even _was_.

"That…" He took a breath, stopping the word 'sister' on his tongue. That word explained so much and revealed depth to their bond that none of the others could have, for how they had struggled to sense each other across Japan, let alone across the world. It took an exhale for him to even remember her name. "That was Alexa."

She sucked in a gasp. "W-What? How?"

He focused on how it had worked for him, forcing anything about family far out of his mind. "She's incredibly powerful, to be able to reach us halfway around the world. But she is able to." He reached out to Ryo, switching mental tracks. _'I hope Mia hasn't bought tickets.'_

He responded quickly, his anxiety in check but only barely that such a comment had been made. _'She was waiting for us all to get here. What's going on?'_

Tessa swallowed. "She...she was terrified."

That explained part of it, even though what he knew explained the rest. "Strong emotions increase how easily feelings are transmitted." He diverted his attention back to Ryo. _'I sensed Alexa. She's moved. I'm going to need help to figure out where she is.'_

Ryo gave the sense of a nod, funneling his anxiety into something he could _do_. While Sage was the best at sensing far-flung distances, for all he traveled and kept tabs on Rowen, none of them were particularly inept at it. Maybe with Kikoutei, and Ryo's own focus, they could sense more.

Any further conversation was cut short by the train pulling into Tokyo station. Cye and Kento were waiting on the platform, yoroi on alert for how information had sifted through everyone. Once they had navigated around the sea of people, the two came into sight in a quiet area.

Kento took one look at Tessa, still quiet against Sage's side, and came up, arms open. "C'mere."

She didn't respond to his bear hug immediately, but once she did she gripped him with strength that betrayed her fear. Kento rubbed her back while Kongo gave her yoroi something to hold onto. He, more than anyone, was the rock that anchored the group to earth— and Akatsuki needed an anchor.

When Tessa pulled away, Cye stepped forward. "Sage probably already mentioned this, but the big teddy bear is Kento. I'm Cye."

Sage nodded towards Cye. "Cye is also our EMT."

She brightened and offered a hand to shake. "Cool! My dad's a doctor. I'm sure he'd love to meet you."

Cye took her hand and shook it enough to be polite, smiling. "Maybe after we finish in Canada, we'll have the chance."

She sobered, reality of the situation once again setting in, and nodding. She turned to grab her suitcase but Kento beat her to it, lifting it like it was nothing.

Now, they shared amusement at her expression. Cye continued speaking. "You should see him with his family. They get the best games of 'airplane' ever."

She managed to laugh at that. "You really don't have to…"

Kento completely ignored her halfhearted attempt that she could do it herself. "Wanna piggyback?"

She blinked at the completely unexpected question. "Well—I mean—um…I… Really?" She looked towards Sage and Cye. "Can he really do that?"

Everyone nodded as Kento knelt so she could climb on his back. "G'head. Can't be worse than when my cousins come over!"

She laughed a little more and hopped up. "I actually can't remember the last time I got a piggyback ride...at least, not that wasn't in training."

Kento laughed. "My cousins' favourite game is playing with me. I'm their human jungle gym, some days…"

They let Kento chat with her about her military education experience, Cye and Sage debating— both internally and with each other— just how to approach everything. They were sisters, twins, with birthdays two days apart. The birth announcement hadn't mentioned why their birthdays were so far apart, and the divorce records Mia had found were equally murky other than the custody involving one twin going to each parent. Even without Rowen to answer their questions, nothing about this was normal. Nothing about this was safe.

Tessa and Kento had moved onto family— Kento saying he doesn't actually remember how many cousins he has off the top of his head— by the time they made it to Kento's car. Conversation lulled as they managed to get Sage's and Tessa's suitcases mixed in with the two others in the trunk, everyone piling in; Sage and Tessa in the back, Cye and Kento in the front.

Cye turned in his seat to face her. "I understand this is the last thing you want to think about, but I need to know Alexa's medical history. Anything you say would stay within the five of us."

She nodded, taking a moment to think before asking, "What do you want to know, again?"

"Medications, first." Cye took a small breath. "Anything that poses an immediate risk for her wellbeing, or life."

She licked her lips. "Mirtazapine. Ativan. Low doses, but...they're...for her anxiety." She avoided looking in anyone's direction, tapping two fingers together. "She...also has depression."

That word made their stomachs sink. They all knew where depression lead. Kourin brushed against Tenku, working at the wall of sleep fog to not startle him.

Cye kept speaking, "How bad is her depression?"

Her pause was answer enough. Still, she said, "I've...never been afraid for her life, before."

Cye had long practiced his expression when discussing difficult topics. Suiko betrayed his fear. "And you're afraid for it now."

She paused again before murmuring, "I...I honestly don't know."

That was enough. Kourin forced its way through the last of the sleep fog, Rowen grumbling about how tired he was of Sage waking him up but the sense from the others tempered any anger he could have. Sage let him wake up a little more, placing a hand on Tessa's shoulder. "Do you want Rowen to try and find her, to see if we can tell her we're looking for her?"

She looked up at him. "He...he'd do that?"

Sage nodded, parsing through every detail of what Rowen had done for him and why until he could focus on the broadest of generalities. "We learned, over the years, how necessary reaching out is. If you believe she'd benefit from that, he would do it."

"Yes…! Yes, definitely."

Her relief was the last straw for Sage's heart. He turned his attention completely to Rowen. _'Tessa wants you to try and find Alexa. Do_ not _try to yank her off the tracks, if you can avoid it. Who knows what they're capable of.'_

Any dread Rowen had before only intensified. _'...Do I dare ask "Why the metaphor?"'_

Memories from years ago were threatening to come back, Sage already puzzling out any possibilities for what could cause her to attempt. _'Tessa doesn't know if she fears for Alexa's life or not. Her relief when I said you would try to tell Alexa we were looking for her says she is.'_

 _'I can't decide if I'm hoping she's_ more _stubborn than you, or less,'_ Rowen replied grimly.

 _'I can't decide myself.'_ He gave the impression of a headshake. _'More stubborn in believing we're here for her. Less stubborn in certainty. Let's go with that.'_

 _'My thought exactly.'_ He paused to yawn. _'So...where do you think I should be looking? Because if that little alarm call was any indication, she's moved since we first felt her.'_

 _'She's hours southwest of you. That's as much as I can say until I have a map… you might feel a drain, if I need Kikoutei.'_ He couldn't shake the sense of _youja_ that had closed her off. _'She's going to be hard to find.'_

 _'Close enough to start with. I'll let you know if I find anything.'_ Long moments of hesitation followed his next question, to the point Sage nearly turned his attention back to the others. _'How's...Tessa holding up?'_

Leave it to Rowen to ask how everyone was doing, even if the primary focus was on one of them. Warmth for Rowen was tempered by the reminder of the extent everyone was hurting. _'Kento managed to make her feel a little better with a piggyback ride, but she's only barely keeping herself together.'_

That tugged on Rowen's heart, low growl permeating the connection. _'Let me know when we have the tickets. I'll stay as long as I can until we have to fly back over here. We'll need every advantage we can get.'_

 _'I was thankful Mia hasn't bought them yet,'_ he replied. _'I told Ryo some of what was going on so he could see about focusing. There's_ youja _in the whole region. Be careful.'_

Kento had kept an ear on the back and forth between Sage and Rowen. _'So if you're talking with Rowen…'_ He paused to emphasize a sense he knew Rowen was tired and how much energy maintaining the connection was Sage's. _'What I wanna know is how much of us sensing her was_ her _and how much of it was you.'_

That got Sage to retreat self-consciously, as teasing as it was. _'I was paying attention to the area, but Tessa was also able to sense her. I think for them it's because their yoroi are connected more deeply than ours, but… she still did forty percent of the reaching, at least.'_

Kento mentally whistled. _'Damn.'_

Cye was more shocked that impressed. _'That powerful? Through_ youja _?'_

Sage nodded grimly. _'Unfortunately, yes. I do not want to think what that means about her time with the cult.'_

* * *

Translations

 _Akatsuki:_ Dawn

 _youja:_ used here as the equivalent for "Nether Spirits" in English (generally refers to a broad category of different types of spirits/supernatural trouble makers in Japanese lore)


	5. Chapter 5

Merry Christmas, happy New Year's, and happy holidays for all the myriad other celebrations going on around this time. Sorry this is late; I just moved again, and it's been a difficult week getting into the new house. But there's been quite a bit of kindness and bright spots that have me feeling a bit better than I was a few days ago.

Enjoy the next installment of FDD!

 **EDIT:** Aaaaand we lied. More edits coming. Chapters 6, possibly 7, and a bunch of scenes throughout the story are also getting revised! Our earlier edits created a domino effect, so...enjoy the newly updated chapter, and keep an eye out for the remaining revisions! We're trying to get them done as quickly as possible, around real life, but things might look a little funny from this chapter to the next until then. So don't panic if something seems missing; just look out for the "EDIT" notes at the beginning to see where we've tweaked stuff!

 **Warnings:** anxiety, cult material, parental abuse, distorted eating

* * *

 _Chapter 5_

—T—

The melancholy mood that stole over me and filled the car following my conversation with Cye lingered most of the ride. What I'd gathered about this Mia Koji's place we were going to, though, did sound promising—driving through any countryside typically helped, as I could get lost in my own private daydreams as much as I wanted.

Thankfully, the guys left me to it, once the pertinent information had been passed.

I perked up as we turned onto a gravel drive, presumably Mia's. Through the not insignificantly sized groves of trees, one could catch a glimpse of sunlight off what I guessed to be a body of water, and—further on—white siding and dark shingles. As intriguing and excited as Sage's traditional house had been, something in me was relieved to have a chance to stay at least one night in something more familiarly Western.

An unexpected pang of homesickness I hadn't felt for a couple weeks kicked me in the gut. Only angered at how ridiculously turned upside down my life was right then, I punted it aside and focused on the house as we pulled up outside the attached garage.

Or, I tried to, anyway.

Because a massively furry and black-striped white shape seemingly appeared out of nowhere mere yards from me when I threw my car door open.

My eyes went wide, feet I'd moved to plant on the ground hopping back up to the SUV's running board. Somehow I managed to contain the tiny squeak of surprise in my throat.

 _'Right. First of the exotic mystical pets.'_

Sage came around the back of the car to see what had stopped me in my tracks. "That is White Blaze."

So I'd figured. As the powerful, absolutely _enormous_ cat padded over—more silent than the breeze in the trees—I dared to reach a hand out invitingly. "H-Hey, kitty."

His head was as big as my torso, his nose filling out the whole inside of my hand as he gently pushed it against my palm to sniff my scent. Awed by the muscled bulk that now effectively had me pinned inside the car, I smoothed my hand over his fur to carefully rub behind one black-tipped ear.

"He's pretty friendly."

I looked up and peered around White Blaze as a soft growl not unlike purring thrummed in his throat. A young black-haired man similar in age to the others stood a pace back from the car, hands in jean pockets and a small smile lighting blue eyes. Something about him—and not just the red shirt—radiated warmth that inexplicably set me at ease.

This had to be the tiger's owner, then…the Bearer of Wildfire. Or did they prefer Ronin of Wildfire? "No kidding!" I said, half-laughing. The tiger backed away as I moved to stand; this time, I remembered to give a proper Japanese bow. "I'm guessing you're Ryo?"

He nodded, returning the greeting. "Sanada Ryo, yes."

Kento joined him, a backpack and my suitcase slung over his shoulders. "It's pretty easy to spot Rowen so long as you know he has blue hair."

That revelation made me blink. Deciding to chalk it up as fitting, considering the other eccentricities of this new friend group, I replied, "Good to know, then."

Ryo smiled warmly. No wonder Wildfire was his armor. "Mia made food for you, if you're hungry." He shot what looked like a very knowing glance at Kento. "Yes, Ken, enough for you, too."

I managed a full laugh, this time. "I am, actually!"

Kento grinned and sauntered off after Cye and Sage toward the front door. "Hey, as long as Rowen's not here, I can always eat his portion. Don't worry about me!"

 _'Of course the burliest one would be the eater!'_

Mia Koji—a slight redhead about Kento's height, but a few years the Ronin's senior—met us in the foyer, White Blaze following at my hip. After a few pleasantries, she led me down the hall into the kitchen. Untouched plates of comfort foods and Western desserts greeted me, lifting my spirits some as I half-shoveled them into my mouth mere minutes later. Once the boys had deposited our luggage in some of the mansion's many rooms, they joined us.

The tiger seemed to know something was up. He stayed glued to my chair, and I certainly wasn't complaining. Every chance I got, feeling his warm bulk against my leg or running a hand over his coarse fur was a soothing reminder of my own critters waiting at home. Even moreso than that, his constant presence gave a light and hope to my spirit that was beyond natural.

It was strange... _very_ strange, but not unwelcome.

Amiable small talk died away with the sound of dishes cleared from the table and rinsed in the sink. The four boys moved out of sight around the corner and trooped up the stairs, followed by a quiet door click and silence. Slightly confused—still adjusting to the fact they could speak to each other telepathically via the armors—I turned to Mia.

"They've probably been discussing their next plan over the armour connection. I've gotten used to it," she answered my unspoken question, smiling softly as she took another sip of tea.

That confirmation got me thinking about my own armor. On a sudden flash of inspiration, I withdrew Akatsuki's—Dawn's—leather from over my head and set it on the table. Cye or Ryo or someone had said Mia was their resident armor expert…

"Have you...heard of our armors before?"

Setting her teacup down, the woman tilted her head thoughtfully. After a moment's glance asking if I would mind her taking it, she carefully scooped up the orb and examined it. "Dawn showed up in relation to the armours often," she started quietly. "Dawn and dusk. It spoke of the balance of the world, between two worlds, and often used night and day as metaphors of proper balance"

I tilted my head, studying the innocuous little half-sphere. If I weren't mistaken, I could have sworn there were more of a green hint to it than yesterday…

"Like Twilight Princess... Light and shadow are two sides of the same coin." I said, half to myself, half in reply to Mia.

I could hear a hint of a smile in her tone. "You sound like Rowen, with that reference."

I blinked at that, looking back up. Another thought overrode any question I could ask about the absent warrior, though. "Do they come from the same source, then?"

"They?" she asked clarifyingly.

I vaguely gestured upstairs. "The armors."

"The Ronin Warriors' armor came from Arago's body." I suppressed a disbelieving snort—they had a group name worthy of a boy band!—as Mia handed Dawn back. "I'm sorry, but we don't have any idea where yours are from, yet."

"Oh…" Slightly disappointed with the dead-end lead, I took it back and looped it over my neck again. glancing toward where the guys had vanished. "Any idea what they're doing, exactly?"

Mia nodded slowly. "They're using Inferno's power to try and find Alexa. Sage told Ryo she had moved, and would need help to sense where she is." A faint smirk said she anticipated my question. Part of me wondered if _she_ didn't have some level of telepathic ability, at that. "Inferno is an armour Ryo wields that allows him to combine the five others in this world to greatly increase his own abilities. Over the years, they've been able to share in that pool of power, and can each borrow it for a time."

I felt my jaw unhinge loosely. For probably the thousandth time that day. "Whaaat? Seriously? That's so cool!"

Her smirk morphed into another smile—this one somewhat more melancholy than the last few. "They've had quite the learning curve with their armours, but they're finally in a position to truly master them. Although I'm sure they're all quite surprised to find out there are now apparently two new ones."

My chuckle had similar undertones of sadness. I threaded my fingers through White Blaze's ruff, remembering what Sage had said was likely about Alexa's armor. "Well, at least it means they'll be better equipped to teach us, I guess…"

A twinkle of pride flashed in her eyes. "They learned the basics of what they could do from me. Watching them at the start of the War was... frustrating, to say the least."

I snorted out a laugh, but felt a faint stirring of concern underneath. "How...how old were they?"

Mia's teasing tone also seemed to cover a darker implication. "Fourteen. They had yet to grow into most of the decorum and tact they have now…"

Fourteen. Teenagers. Not even high schoolers, hardly. I had little I could say to that. Even at twenty, I felt too young to be contemplating the profession of war I was studying to enter in a few short years. I glanced toward the stairs again, hidden from my sight.

They had already been dealing with its effects for six years.

Silence fell between us as I simply poked at the remnants of my dessert—a slice of cheesecake. What felt forever, but according to my watch was only minutes later, the four Ronin Warriors quietly filed down the stairs once more.

"She's moving towards Mississauga, near Toronto" Ryo announced.

" _Toronto_?" I repeated disbelievingly.

Aghast, even.

Mia calmly stood, delicately sweeping up her empty teacup and saucer. "I'll rework the tickets."

Sage continued explaining to me, as she left, "Rowen was able to track her as being a short ways out of the city. We all sensed _youja_ in the area, so she has to be heading there."

My eyes went wide, my ears still not believing what I was hearing. The implications of that…

"That's over _seven hours_ from Ottawa."

Shock rippled through the room, various shades of blue and brown eyes glancing between each other. "Rowen found her on the outskirts of the city. She has to be somewhere near it."

I half-spluttered at Cye, "B-but—how'd she _get there_ so fast?"

"Wonder if they borrowed the _mashou_ 's abilities…" Ryo murmured uneasily.

The only slightly familiar term was hardly comforting, in light of what else I _didn't_ know about these so-called Warlords. With a sideways glance at him, I asked—hardly coherently—"The wha?"

Sage again took it upon himself to explain. "The _mashou_ had an uncanny ability to appear and disappear at will, making them formidable opponents during the War."

"But if that's the case," Kento posited, " _How_ did they learn it? Clearly they've been around for a while, but I thought Talpa's penetration into the _ningenkai_ only went so far as Tokyo. And supposedly the _mashou_ and Kayura have been guarding the pathways between the two since we defeated him."

Cye turned to me. "Do you know the name of this cult? Maybe Mia can research it."

Snapping myself out of fascinatedly following the speculation, I nodded. "Yeah…" Deciding it was high time I _get away_ from the whirling thoughts and emotions heavy as wet snow in this room, I excused myself by saying, "I'll...go tell her."

—

It was immensely difficult—impossible, almost—to know what to do with myself once the tickets had been bought. I didn't know whether I craved being around everyone, or just hiding somewhere small and dark. Sage and the other Ronin kept casting concerned glances my way whenever they thought I wasn't looking. Half of me tried to ignore it.

The other half hated feeling pitied.

I stayed in the office for probably an hour, arms wrapped around knees pulled to my chest and trying not to check the clock above the door every ten minutes. Mia's work on the computer was the only sound in the room, besides the ambient environmental noise. The birdsong and agonizingly slow movement of the clock hands only served as a constant reminder over and over again that it was still only early afternoon. _'I should probably eat…again…'_

But I hardly had any appetite. I couldn't even distract myself with the eclectic collection of armor and weapons scattered around the large room. Normally wild horses could not have dragged me away from the displays.

All I kept thinking about was how alone and terrified Alexa had to be. How it wasn't fair that _she_ had to be taken. She'd already been through so much in a short twenty years, and I had half a mind that if I _had_ been kidnapped in her place, at least I could have lashed out at those who had caused her such incredible, lasting pain.

"Hey, Tessa?"

Ryo's voice pulled me sharply out of my thoughts. I blinked, looking over at him in a silent invitation to continue.

"Want to play video games with us?"

That prospect perked me up, albeit hesitantly. "That...sounds nice." Curiosity bit the cat. "What do you have?"

He rattled off a few titles. Various iterations of _Mario Party_ and _Mario Kart_ , some fighting games I vaguely recognized, _Final Fantasy_ , a couple Japanese-only titles I _didn't_ recognize…

"Super Smash Brothers—both Melee and Brawl—"

Say no more. I could feel my face light up. "I love Smash! My brother and I play it all the time."

Ryo returned my grin, seeming relieved, himself. "Rowen's our reigning champion, currently, but he and Kento trade back and forth often. C'mon, we can have it set up in a flash."

The rest of the afternoon and most of the evening vanished into the various stages and matches of the best fighting game of all time. After dinner, Sage, Cye, and Mia circled the couch to watch; at much cajoling, Kento even managed to drag Cye into a couple bouts. The laughter and fast-paced action helped keep my mind off our other troubles.

It wouldn't last, however.

I stared up at the ceiling of my borrowed room long after the sun had vanished beneath the horizon, tracing patterns through the glow-in-the-dark constellation stickers with my eyes. Sleep and the blessed peace of unconsciousness refused to come, my thoughts spinning in circles at a thousand miles an hour. As much as I could resemble a log when I wanted to, the fact our plane ride was still over twelve hours away exacerbated my restless need to _hurry up_.

Right this second, something horrible could be happening to my sister.

And there I laid in bed, safe and secure by simple virtue of the fact my host brother just so happened to be supernaturally gifted.

Why couldn't he—they—have been there for _her_? God knew she needed them more than I did, right now.

Frustration at my powerlessness threatening to boil over, I growled and kicked the twisted, warm sheets off my body. Following a quick trip to the bathroom and subsequently splashing my face with cold water, I peeked into the hallway, wondering if anyone might still be awake. Even if they were, though, I wasn't one hundred percent sure I wanted to talk, anyway.

White Blaze was the only one—haloed by the faint light of a quarter moon through the large windows where he lay in the middle of the office. He chuffed a greeting as I padded across in quiet slippered feet and leaned over him.

"Hey, kitty," I murmured, reaching out to scratch behind his ear. He huffed quietly again and turned his head into the touch, curling his tail upright in a gesture of appreciation. I chuckled fondly. "A cat is a cat, huh?"

A muffled _thump_ from the balcony caused us both to come sharply to attention. Something at the edge of my perception seemed to reassure me nothing was wrong, but I couldn't place why.

And after the day's events, I'd resolved not to be caught off-guard again.

"What was that, boy?" I asked White Blaze.

The big cat hauled himself lazily to his feet as a human shape stumbled into view through the French doors. Moonlight gleamed off alternately white and dark metal encasing his form. Judging by the blue sheen to his hair, the late-night appearance, and the tiger's familiarity with him, I had a hunch who this was.

If it were indeed him, he'd hopefully recognize his own name.

"Rowen?" I called out cautiously.

I couldn't tell if he heard me or not—he'd already approached the door and moved to open it. Seeing him fumble with the mechanism, I moved over to assist. Just as I lifted my hand to grasp it, though, it successfully gave way.

Neither of us seemed to expect it.

Before I quite knew what had happened, I found myself supporting all the tall Ronin's not inconsiderable weight. Luckily, he must have caught his balance halfway down, or we would have both ended up on the floor.

Not...that I would have necessarily minded that. Sage hadn't mentioned that the flier was the cutest of his friends.

 _'Damnit Tessa, shut up! Not the time for this!'_

Eyes dark as midnight rimmed by stars blinked at me, bleary with exhaustion. No wonder the poor guy had tripped. "Thanks f'the save," he mumbled.

It took a long second to get my tongue working again. "N… Um. Ah… Y-Yeah. Ye—uh, anytime."

A moment of clarity sparked to life in his demeanor. "Oh! S-Sorry. Lemme...lemme just…" He adjusted his weight—with a hand on White Blaze's back—before, somehow, banishing the armor layer he wore.

My face flushed anew at feeling bare skin under my hand, supporting his chest. There was no time to comment on that, though, before his weight sagged again and I found myself scrambling to drape him across White Blaze. Huffing with the effort—and annoyance—I asked, "Hey, you okay?"

He groaned, hiding his face in tiger fur. "N'ver flown s'far b'fore…"

Slippers on carpet drew my attention from wondering how to find Rowen's room to the doorway. Sage had his hands folded in his outer robe sleeves, an exasperated look of affection on his face that caught me off guard. "Idiot pushed himself too hard again."

"Heard that!" Rowen slurred.

I watched, fascinated, as the kendoka ruffled Rowen's hair. "Go to sleep, Rowen."

"Wha'f I say no?"

The banter continued as Sage draped his robe over his friend—threatening something about Mia mixing a concoction into Rowen's morning coffee. I followed along like a ghost as White Blaze carried him to Sage's room, where he stood patiently beside the second, unmade bed while Sage and I helped Rowen slide under the covers.

He was out like a light the moment his head touched the pillow.

I looked from him to Sage and back as the latter retrieved his robe to hang on its proper hook. "Is that...normal, for him?" I questioned dubiously.

The blond gave the tiger a nudge and a murmured command to leave before answering. "He's always had an...interesting relationship with sleep. It's only particularly pronounced right now because he wore himself out flying so far in one go."

That reminded me of why I had been awake in the first place. I glanced at Rowen enviously. "Wish I could just conk out like that…"

His tone softened. "Having difficulty sleeping?"

I nodded, awkwardly shifting my weight from foot to foot. Another glance at the sleeping Ronin had me wishing he were still awake so I could ask about Alexa. In the commotion, it hadn't even occurred to me. "I...can't stop thinking…"

"I have nights like that." He plucked his armor orb from the nightstand, turning it over before extending it to me. "Halo helps me through them, if you want to borrow its abilities for a night."

Mouth slightly agape with awe, I looked from it back to him a few times. "Are...are you sure…? I mean, I don't…"

Sage nodded encouragingly. "We all borrow the others' armours when we need them. Halo in particular, for how it eases pain."

The same sense that had told me Rowen was a friend and not a monstrous shadow creature reassured me this ability wasn't limited to physical pain. After another moment's consideration, I hesitantly reached out and plucked the sphere from his fingers. I studied it, awed by the translucent surface, before remembering my manners and bowing. "Arigato gozaimasu."

He returned it, a small smile stretching his lips. "Iie, tondemonai desu."

True to his word, I crawled under the covers and was asleep minutes later, Halo's green glow warm in my mind.

—A—

Phone, dead. iPod, also dead. No laptop. No computer access. No video games. Any notebook I had would be read every night to make sure I hadn't been straying. All books were cult approved and focused on spreading good morals. No bus access. Open ground for miles so they would see me trying to run.

Everything that had given me sanity while I lived in the cult, taken away. And she used to let me have those things. But I had 'proven myself' to be 'untrustworthy', and unable to regulate myself. My medication— a coping strategy I had fought tooth and nail to give myself— was at home, mirtazapine's effects dropping by the day. I had missed two doses and I knew it took five days for it to completely leave my system. For how I couldn't function without _a_ dose, I was hitting paralysis near constantly.

I wondered just how long I'd be able to last. I could still sense, at least. The vastnest of space felt comforting, closer than I had ever felt it before. There was something out there. I'd be found.

Compulsion to check up on friends aside— OCD could be the bane of my existence, sometimes, but right now I preferred working myself up in a panic over whether or not friends were worried about me; it reminded me I had friends— hunger was getting nearly impossible to ignore. It wasn't that I didn't _want_ to eat. It's that nearly everything placed in front of me hurt my nose or my stomach. Brussel sprouts— her favourite meal if there ever was one— stunk up the whole farm house.

Even though I was left to fend for myself for most meals for how I refused to eat dinner with the 'ranch hands', the only food available was approved for the candida and autism cure diet. I put up with the pain nuts and kamut caused me, laying in my room in agony while my throat swelled to the point it hurt to swallow, just to get the calories I needed. I could barely sleep from the pain from everywhere, joints stiff from stress and dehydration.

She had commissioned this kidnapping and she hadn't even shown up, yet. Because of something else going on in her life. She had a party to go to, today, and couldn't drive back and forth to see me and attend.

I knew she was self absorbed, but this took it to a whole new level. Literally ordered somebody kidnapped to have them back, and isn't even there to enjoy the prize.

It took a day and a half for her to show up. Dusk retreated deep inside me and I debated whether or not I wanted to _meet_ her, and preserve some sliver of hope this room could be private, or just let her invade a space that wasn't really mine.

Before I could make up my mind, she'd barged in the door, arms open. "Alexa! It's so nice to see you again!"

My breath caught and muscles _stiffened_ , holding my hands up and pushing her away before she could hug me.

"What? You didn't miss me?"

I couldn't move. I couldn't even think anything other than 'get away', and that was about to get me into trouble.

Her energy spread out over me, Dusk bumping against hers to keep her from going too deep. She frowned. "You've forgotten how to love, I see! Why did you leave for so long?"

I scooted away from her.

Her lips pressed together and I knew I had made a _very_ big mistake.

She left the room and shut the door behind her. Within ten minutes, I heard her chanting start and the energy spread through the house. With thin walls and the HVAC system, I heard her shouting about me. I heard her asking for me to be delivered from the negativity and brought back home. Brought back under God's direction.

I burrowed under blankets and covered my head with a pillow, trying to use them as protection against the spiritual fire beginning to fill the house. I just hoped _all_ she did was chant.

* * *

Translations

 _Hajimemashite_ : "It's good to meet you"

 _Kinkou:_ "balance"


	6. Chapter 6

**Warnings:** Cult material, suicidal ideation (between the first and second —A—), parental abuse, assault aftermath

When you reach —A— use the Find command (command+F on mac, Ctrl+F on PC) to skip down to —S— which is the end of the suicidal ideation. As usual, a summary will be provided at the end.

 **Edit:** Well...we're going to give up on trying to guess how far the domino-effect will go. We're _hoping_ -crosses fingers- all the chapter rewrites will be over by about eight or nine, with only a few minor tweaks in later chapters (but we know how that goes). So, in the meantime...enjoy the next rewritten rewrite! :D

* * *

 _Chapter 6_

—T—

Seeing a real bed after over thirty-six hours of travel was an absolute godsend. I let my suitcase fall flat on the middle of the floor as I stepped into what would be my and Alexa's half of the hotel suite, ignored in favor of flopping face-first into the exceedingly soft down comforters. A deep sigh expressed my pleasure at this glorious find.

 _'Probably the only thing that could top this for comfort, right now, is a shower…'_

That was, of course, ignoring the first _obvious_ answer to that statement.

But being entirely sleep-deprived was going to do no one any good, right now—least of all Alexa. So it had been decided on the ride over in our shiny new rental minivan that while Kento and I secured our temporary quarters, Sage, Cye, and Ryo would poke around in the region Rowen had narrowed down as potentially being the cult's hideout. The latter, meanwhile, had said something about taking a hop to Ottawa, and promptly disappeared the moment he had his room key in hand.

I was too busy raising an eyebrow at the rather nice-looking decor to pay it much mind, noting the fact this was an "extended stay" type like important business people used. I'd known Sage's family was fairly well-off—being part of a prestigious line of long-standing kendo champions in Japan tended to do that—but this trip was proving it. The same went for Mia, for other reasons.

Kento popped his head in shortly after I'd flipped over and reached for my phone to pass the time. "I'm gonna catch a catnap. Wake me when Rowen's back."

"No problem."

I was left in blessed silence for another twenty minutes—time easily passed with mindless Facebook scrolling. A key click in the lock and the oddest sense of an impending gust warned me of Rowen's return.

Said Ronin leaned against my doorway as I forced myself to sit upright, a medium size suitcase next to him. "Going to take a nap after that much flying?" he asked, eyes bright with the underlying callback to how we'd just met.

I managed a tired chuckle, rubbing my face. "Probably should…"

"Kento's already face down in his pillow. If it weren't for Strata, I might be, myself."

I gave him a look that wondered why he was still standing, then. "Well?"

Rowen merely shrugged, crossing his arms. "I'm a...bit of an insomniac. Though I'm sure Sage told you otherwise."

That got a snort. "He did say you have an odd relationship with sleep." I paused, trying not to blush remembering last night. I hadn't needed to see in order to get an idea what kind of muscles his sweatshirt hid. "I mean, um...do you...typically go shirtless under your armor?"

He shifted his weight, clearing his throat and glancing at the window. "W-Well, I mean… That was…a different case. Sage woke me up, when…" Clearly uneasy with the line of conversation, he changed the topic—and I couldn't say I blamed him for it. "I could...tell you about what I saw. What I found. If you'd like."

That caught my attention. "What do you mean?"

"When I was looking for y—Alexa." He came over to sit on the other end of the mattress, retrieving Strata from his pocket as he did. The soft smile he gave me turned my stomach into butterflies. "Maybe we can help you with Dawn while we're at it."

"That's...actually the first someone's offered to do that, yet. Thank you." Swinging my legs off the bed, I took my necklace off, laid Dawn flat in my palm, and looked back at him. "So, where should we start?"

Rowen moved closer to sit beside me, similarly depositing Strata beside Dawn. A deep blue glow pulsed from somewhere within, slow and methodic. To my surprise, the faint flecks of green I'd seen in my half-sphere mirrored it—almost drowned out by the powerful blue, but more noticeable than before.

"Well, it looks like we might be able to work on sensing, at least," Rowen suggested warmly. "Maybe even telepathy, if we're lucky."

Why did everything seem to bring me back to the previous night? Desperately trying to focus, I stared down at the orbs in my hand. "Was that why I knew it was you on the balcony?" When he cocked his head at me curiously, I clarified, "I got this...sense, out of nowhere, that whatever had made that noise when you landed, it wasn't anything dangerous. Was that the armor?"

I dared a glance up to find Rowen seemed impressed. "Well, you're certainly a quick study. I think it'd be safe to say that was, indeed, Dawn." He pursed his lips and scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. "On the other hand, our armors were already awake when we found them, so...I guess I can't say for certain."

My face flushed traitorously at the praise, though I wanted to grin and punch the air excitedly. "Okay! What's next, then?"

"How about we try testing how far you can sense?"

"Like, to where the others are?"

He chuckled at my enthusiasm. "Maybe. Don't know 'til we try. Here—close your eyes."

I raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "Do I have to?"

That got a shrug. "I found it helped in the beginning. I've gotten to the point I can hold a conversation aloud and in my head at this point, so it doesn't matter. But thought I'd at least offer the advice."

Shaking my head in amusement, I obediently closed my eyes.

"Now, remember what you described to me, and focus on that."

My nose scrunched up in annoyance; I'd never done very well at such abstract mediation-like concepts. Still, eager to explore, I tried recalling the sense of air I was coming to associate with Rowen's armor. The same almost amethyst-blue of his orb filled the darkness behind my eyes, strongest from where he sat to my side. Surprised with its intensity, my eyes shot open as I turned to look at him.

He laughed lightly at the slack-jawed look on my face. "Found it?"

I nodded once. "Y-Yeah. Wow…!"

"Think you can do that with the others?"

Doubtful, but game, I pursed my lips. "Worth a try, I guess…"

Eyes closed and focusing once more—really relying on my imagination, to tell the truth—I listened carefully as Rowen coached. "Sage is probably going to be easiest of them for you to find, since Dawn was around Halo the most. He's also the strongest empath of us, so if you can't quite lock onto Halo, he can guide you from the other side."

Sage had explained light was his element. Now that I was thinking about it, imagining that brightness, something like a thunderstorm caught my attention. In my mind's eye, it was as if I could turn and reach for an emerald speck in the distance; as if a mere thought could bring it closer, like a movie zooming in on a scene.

And suddenly, there it was, emerald light butting up against the faint leaf green of my own armor's signature. Warmth and life almost spilled over from its core, of an intensity to rival the deep blue of Strata in the same room with me.

Then, like a fleeting movement out of the corner of my eye, something royal purple caught my attention. Drawn to it, I turned from the tricolored Ronin armors in an attempt to catch more than a passing glimpse.

 _"Tessa, stop!"_

Strata blue enveloped me—but not before dark orange and purple-black flame sprang out toward us. Anguished screams and spine-chilling wails assaulted my ears. Stabbing pain pierced my chest, as if I were about to be impaled.

My eyes snapped open with a gasp, my surroundings reasserting itself on my mind even as I trembled at what I'd just experienced. Numb static kept me from immediately being able to process it all. All I knew was something terribly powerful and dark had just tried to snatch me up, and Rowen had taken the brunt of its strike.

Rowen, who was now cradling me as the numbness vanished.

A strange ache like a void remained at the center of my sternum, voice frozen in my throat. Pain registered next, drawing another gasp and then a sob. Even if I'd wanted to leave Rowen's arms, I couldn't.

Then words linked to the sensations I'd felt.

Purple. Purple armor. An armor behind a wall of fire.

An armor I realized I recognized like my own heartbeat.

I plunged headfirst into the ache in my chest, reaching for that purple light—

Only to find it completely empty.

Gone.

My only connection to the other half of my armor—the other half of my life, even—was _gone_.

I didn't hear Rowen as he tried to get my attention, whether it was to scold me or console me or otherwise. I buried my face in his chest and released all the fear and horror I'd felt in a wave of tears and sobs. Somewhere in the near-wailing that racked my body, I thought I heard Kento step into the room and ask Rowen something, but I couldn't care enough to fight the overwhelming _pain_ lingering in my soul.

At that moment, I could only focus on one fear.

One fear about what no longer sensing my sister could mean.

"Tessa?" A hand carefully smoothed loose hair from my forehead, tipping it away from Rowen's chest. "Tessa, can you hear me?" I swallowed down blubbering breaths and nodded, making an attempt to focus on him. His other hand joined mine in wiping tears from my face, exceedingly gentle. "Think you can you stand?"

I sniffed and licked salty moisture from my lips, mulling it over. At my clear hesitance that was born more of a continued inability to force my jaw to form words, he reassured, "It's okay if you can't. You can just listen, for now."

At my nod, he dropped his hands from my face and continued, "What you just felt was something I ran into while searching for Alexa. The cult seems to have put up some kind of barrier around where she is. It wasn't _this_ active when I felt it, though, and Strata has a specialty with shields." He brushed a stray teardrop from my lash with his thumb. "If I had known it could cut through the connection like that, I wouldn't have told you to go near there. I'm so sorry."

Running my tongue over my teeth to loosen my jaw, I mumbled, "'S not your fault." Taking a steadying breath, I speculated, "I...I think it might have tried that anyway. If...if they were trying to get me like you said—like they got her—"

My voice cracked on another sob. As much as I wanted to believe it was purely a cult-related incident, there was still the other possibility.

The possibility that meant we might be searching for her body.

"Tessa. _Tessa_." When I reluctantly glanced up, he laid his hands on my shoulders. "We're going to go find her. Now. If you can stand, I'll take you with me and Kento. But I won't think less of you if that drained you too much to fly, and you want to stay here."

"Or you can let me help, and we would be there much faster."

The female voice startled me to the point of reaching for Rowen again, eyes wide and fists twisted in his shirt. He reacted similarly, lifting his outside arm defensively and wrapping the other around my shoulder. Kento stood in the doorway, looking apologetic for letting her past him.

But my attention was fixed on the newcomer. The longest jet black hair I'd ever seen on anyone cascaded down her back from a high ponytail, eyes so dark blue as to seem purple contemplating me with the air of sizing up the new kid on the block. She held a golden staff loosely in one hand, topped with a winged globe framed by curling rods of metal that held a set of rings at the base of the sphere. They clinked softly like chain mail as she shifted her weight.

Most startling to me was the clear air of experience in her carriage. If I had met her on the street, however, I would have guessed her to be no older than fifteen—more likely thirteen.

"Kayura?" Rowen asked disbelievingly. "What're you doing here?"

"Believe me, I tried asking her that myself," Kento explained, crossing his arms gruffly. "Before she barged in unannounced," he added in a mutter.

"Kaos called me," Kayura replied, shooting Kento a look I couldn't quite place. "He sent me to restore the balance that is lost. I'm assuming that would refer to the connection with the yoroi that was just severed."

Rowen sighed, but relaxed his stance. "Well, he certainly has an _impeccable_ sense of timing."

I blinked, glancing between the three other players in this drama. Through my still-foggy brain, I suddenly realized where I'd heard the name Kayura before.

This was one of the _mashou_ —the priestess, specifically. One of the ones whom Sage had said could teleport.

No _wonder_ we hadn't heard her come in.

"So?" Kento demanded impatiently. "What're you gonna do?"

Kayura tapped the butt of the staff against the floor, the rings whispering to each other. "We can try this two ways. Either we can see if the Staff will lead us to the other bearer, or I can attempt to repair the link from here working through your yoroi. It would likely work better if I could have direct access to the one which served as the severing's initial point of access, but at least we may be able to reestablish a faint anchor between the two."

I seized on the desperate hope this turn of events provided. "I don't care which one we try as long as it'll help us find her faster."

Rowen's hand squeezing my arm had me turn to look at him. "Are you sure you're up for this?"

His concern was touching. Suddenly tongue-tied—unable to find the right words to express my gratitude for that—I merely nodded. With a hint of reluctance, he gave my arm another encouraging squeeze before dropping his hand as Kayura approached.

Shifting to sit comfortably cross-legged on the bed, I watched nervously as the strange girl-woman closed her eyes and held her hand perpendicular to her chest, fingers pressed together and extended upward. It was difficult to resist leaning back when she lifted the staff to point the winged top at my forehead.

And then I swore I heard bells.

And then I saw green.

Asked to describe it, I would have called it liquid green—it shimmered and rippled like water over my body, seeming to restore some level of energy that the fire had taken away. For a moment, I wanted to inspect myself and get a sense of what exactly it _was_.

But a mere second later, an itch like aloe lotion over a sunburn started at the back of my head. It didn't seem to be _physical_ , though, a sensation that puzzled me even as it spread through the rest of my body and the green flashed with flecks of gold.

I closed my eyes to better focus on that feeling…and got more than I bargained for.

Naming all the flashes of light and odd, dream-like impressions was impossible. One that _did_ stand out, however, was deep purple wrapped in lightning and flickers of fire. There was so much pain in that little ball of feeling, yet something so familiar about it, as if it were a part of me I'd never known existed.

The other armor.

That was Alexa's armor. Just as the bright green represented Dawn, that dark amethyst had to be her color.

Again with the speed of a thought, I zoomed in to that faintly pulsing light, curled around the little sphere protectively. _'It's okay. I won't let them hurt you anymore.'_

I didn't expect a response.

 _'Tessa…'_

My eyes flew open when I realized I _knew_ where Alexa was.

—A—

My back pressed against the door of my room. My wrists burned, as did my temple— I knew they had handguns in here, somewhere, and there were kitchen knives. A desire to cut into that burning overwhelmed me. Throat, perhaps. Somewhere to bleed out fast. Something that was one movement, one simple movement, and I was done in minutes. If not instantly. My certainty that people had been looking for me turned into disbelief I even thought anyone would bother even missing an insignificant speck like me. There was nothing and nobody close. I was alone. I would always be alone.

Tessa…

She would be heartbroken to hear they'd found my corpse.

If she was here, she'd never let them hurt me.

It was both a blessing and a curse I knew she'd understand. She would hate it, hate me, hate herself— but she knew too much about me to _not_ understand. My mother had tried to reach through me for something, for the other half of this cursed armour that she was jealous to the point of rage over. I had closed myself off from it to prevent her from getting _anything_ , but now, when I tried to reach out, there was nothing. Except burning, pitch black tar, specks of light too far away for me to see or feel or _hold onto_.

Hopelessness joined the throbbing from a swollen forearm and too many bruises. My joints were practically fallen out from stress, ball sockets just out of alignment, complex joints pulled in every direction, and hinge joints stiff to the point of clicking. I couldn't breathe without my ribs wanting to collapse, without my throat screaming in agony, without wanting to cough so hard I pulled muscles.

I wanted out.

I wanted out _right now_.

I tried to turn on my knees, body's self preservation instincts kicking in. Hard. Did I really want to die? Did I really want to give up? Hurt everyone around me?

Part of me didn't care.

That part was slowly but surely losing.

I raked my fingers through my hair and tried not to scream at the top of my lungs, feeling _that fire_ in my veins for the first time in a year. It was slowly numbing out, slowly making me realize there were other ways out, but I didn't want them. I didn't want to look towards anything _better_. I wanted to hurt, I wanted to hurt my mother the way she had hurt me, I wanted to give her what she'd always wanted. Her freedom, away from having any responsibility of a child. I had the power to make her happy after three days of being reminded I was nothing but a disappointment.

My thoughts circled back to Tessa.

Over and over and over again.

I couldn't do that to her.

I couldn't have the last thing she ever heard be my kidnapping.

I'd told myself my last message to her would be 'I love you' if I ever did do it, and I didn't plan on breaking that promise.

Yelling from the entrance of the house made me scramble to my feet just in time for my mother to burst through the door and me to realize I wanted it _shut_.

I braced my shoulder against it, only for her to push hard enough I stumbled back and my leg jammed into the bedside table. I hissed— turning into a yelp when she grabbed my wrist and the deep tissue bruises near it.

"Let's get out of here."

Yelling was getting closer, now mixed with loud thumps. "No!"

She _tugged_ and I felt my shoulder threaten to dislocate. I stumbled forward to avoid that, only to have every self preservation instinct take hold again. "No. No no _no_."

Dusk flowed out over my skin and broke her grip with a zap, just in time for me to hear a _very_ familiar voice call out, "Get _away_ from her!"

I stayed frozen in place at being caught, feeling quickly overtaken by my brain going white when I saw my mother _vanish into thin air_.

A familiar-ish build and familiar-ish red hair surrounded by the thinnest coating of unfamiliar green light stepped in front of me. "Sis, it's me. It's really me, it's going to be okay. I'm here now."

I blinked to focus on Tessa. My brain took _long_ moments to register her voice, to register she was in front of me and I could sense her and I could sense others and she had seen this power of mine and—

Everything became too much. I inhaled sharply, like I had been drowning, and closed the space between us to _cling_. My exhale was a sob, fists bunching into her shirt. She held me back, tucking me against her body.

I had nearly killed myself, all just moments before she actually _saved me_ …

-x-x-x-x-

Something that sort of registered as 'Sage's voice' spoke from the door. "We have to hurry."

Tessa nodded and drew back just enough to look at me. Not a hair more. "Can you move?"

I returned her nod and pulled away the final bit, one hand sliding down to hers and gripping it in lieu of her whole body. Sage and another guy at the door— Sage in a dark green shell like mine, the other in a deep blue one holding my hot pink gym bag— parted and began going down the hall. I bolted after them, momentarily dragging my sister behind before she started running, too.

Sage fell level with me, both men always checking whatever threshold we were on before letting us pass.

Living room. The last room. My eyes flicked to a suit of armour beside the door and I saw it shudder.

I skidded to a halt and gripped the air with both hands, trying not to scream as Dusk severed the cult threads to the Guardian and the armour collapsed down to a useless hunk, taking the last of my energy with it. Dusk retreated completely, spent without any reserves left.

Sage caught me before I hit the floor. "May I carry you?"

I nodded, not even bothering to look up at him. He oh so gently cradled me against his chest, making sure I was settled before running out the door. Tessa yelped and I looked over Sage's shoulder to see the other guy piggybacking her and passing us.

Out. I was nearly out I was nearly safe I was nearly free of that damn farm house and I felt the moment we crossed through the shield protecting it.

I could _breathe_.

The very distinct sound of a van door sliding open followed. Sage put me down and helped me inside, me collapsing in the very back corner. Tessa followed and sat next to me, then Sage, then four other men all about Sage's age. One went to driving, the others filling the remaining seats of the van.

We sped off and I refused to look back, frozen staring at the seat in front of me.

Tessa wrapped her arms around me, gently pressing me against the seat I hadn't even realized I was rigidly sitting away from. The seat belt dug into my neck and I set myself even farther back against the seat, forcing my body to realize I was safe.

Safe.

I had forgotten the meaning of that word.

My breathing turned haggard, quickly dissolving back to sobs.

Tessa stayed glued to my side, arms wrapped around me and a hand rubbing up and down my arm. The closeness meant she was the first to sense me _tense_ , cough the first sign of a heave. I swallowed it down as I heard her ask if there was anything for me to throw up _in_.

I tried to force down the thought they would find me and take me back again.

Iron will kept nausea down the whole drive back to downtown. My stomach kept rocking, but I couldn't throw up. Not _here_. I stayed quiet through elevator rides and keycard locks, but the minute I was in the room, I turned to the bathroom and finished coughing.

Thick, mucus like bile came out. I heaved again. And again. Nobody touched me thank god, letting me just get this out of my system. Somewhere in the coughing was a door click for privacy. I ignored Tessa standing guard as I dragged myself up to flush, only to collapse back down on the ground.

Tessa knelt beside me and placed a hand on my back. "Do you want a hug?"

I tried to swallow. "Water."

She got up and filled the glass by the sink, kneeling back down to hand it to me. I barely managed to prop myself up and drink. The whole glass. In what felt like thirty seconds. The acid burns inside my throat were fresh and layered, resulting in more agony than I cared to admit. I finished the glass and sank back down to the ground, shaking slowly but surely getting worse.

She asked about a hug again. I simply nodded and she wrapped around me, rubbing my upper back.

I didn't know how long I stayed there, but it was enough I was starting to drift off. My body was heavy, and my mind didn't want to think of _anything else_.

Tessa eventually picked up on it. "Sleepy?"

The only thing I could do was nod against her shoulder. I sensed— I was sure I sensed, even in my sleep fogged brain— some sort of exchange, before the door opened and a gentle hand lay on my shoulder.

"May I pick you up?"

I cracked open one eye to see Sage kneeling over me, only for my eye to slide back shut and I knew I acknowledged, somehow, but I couldn't quite register how I did. He gathered me up in his arms and I stayed utter deadweight, unable to support myself at all.

He lay me on a cotton soft bed— worlds softer than the firm mattress that felt like it had bruised my bony joints— before brushing the hair off my face. "Comfortable?"

I nodded again, turning my head into his touch. I couldn't remember the last time I had been touched so gently, compassionately. His palm, calloused but not rough, smoothed over my forehead and hair again. Tessa crawled up beside me, murmuring how she was here and they'd all keep me safe and I was going to be okay. I wanted to turn into her, but I didn't want to move away from Sage's touch, either.

He sat on the edge of the bed, subtly encouraging me to turn over and reassuring me he wasn't going anywhere.

Moving generated a small sound of pain in the back of my throat, me otherwise too weak to yelp.

"Are you hurt?" Tessa asked, voice laced with concern.

I nodded, mentally running through a long list of injuries I'd developed over the course of… captivity, but the mere thought of that sent me back to being unable to speak. I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to sleep.

Tessa's concern only intensified. "Where? If you can point."

I lifted my arm enough for them to realize that was at least _one_ source of _a_ problem; Sage gently gripped it and pulled my sleeve back, revealing the deep purple bruise and swelling of my forearm.

Tessa hissed through her teeth in sympathy, speaking under her breath. "What _happened_?"

"Hit my arm," I somehow got out, my tongue tripping over letters. I wanted to say they had wrenched my arms apart when I crossed them in an attempt to resist, but as soon as each word formed in my head the phonemes slipped away. Or how they had tackled me to the ground when they grabbed me and I'd hit my arm on the sidewalk, it pinned against my body.

At least she didn't linger on what happened too long. "Should we...have Cye look at it?"

I blinked, caught up in unfamiliar names and thoughts and people and I just wanted to sleep. "Wha?"

"He's...familiar with stuff. From lifeguarding," she said softly. "So out of any of the guys, he'd know how...bad something really is."

I didn't _want_ to know how bad it was. I _didn't want_ to be looked over. I wanted my anxiety medication so I wouldn't throw up and a cough was threatening at the thought of being looked over and she was supposed to keep me safe not put me back out to the wolves. I couldn't stop shaking at the thought of being told my arm was broken, that I'd need to go to the _hospital_ , that I'd need a cast or a splint or something that would remind me for days or weeks that I had been caught I just wanted it all to _go away_.

Tessa rubbed my arm. "It's okay. It can wait. Do you want to rest, first?"

I nodded.

She curled back up around me and rubbed my back. "Meds?"

Relief almost overwhelmed me I would be able to think again.

Sage shifted to stand and I looked over to him, which got him smoothing over my hair again. "I'm going to get your medication. I'll come right back."

I watched him go to a suitcase— my suitcase— and pull out both my pill bottles. At the surprise that must've been plastered all over my face, Tessa said, "One of the other guys—Rowen—made a pitstop at your apartment and packed a suitcase for you. I can explain details later, but...hopefully you have all the things you use most, now."

I nodded just to acknowledge as Sage dosed out two ativan and half a mirtazapine. I took one ativan and put it in my mouth, waiting for it to dissolve, the mirtazapine between my fingers. Sage put the remaining pill back where it came from, screwing the caps back on as Tessa helped me sit up. She stayed curled up around me, seeming to apologize for pushing me to get examined so soon.

"Do you want your water bottle?" she asked.

I swallowed down the now-dissolved ativan. "It's in my bag…"

Sage went to the door and somebody else with blue hair gave it to him, before Sage vanished into the bathroom to fill it. The remaining guy lingered, holding up a pack of electrolytes. "Do you want these in it?"

I nodded vigorously. My electrolytes would keep me from coughing up the water from dehydration.

He tipped the whole near-empty pouch into the water Sage brought out, me watching to make sure they did it right and didn't put too much in and shook it properly to dissolve everything. Tessa very carefully squeezed me around the shoulders. "That's Rowen."

"I won't remember," I murmured in reply.

She rested her head against mine. "We'll do introductions later. Don't worry."

"Okay."

Sage returned my water bottle to me and I took my mirtazapine now that my stomach had stopped twisting constantly. My eyes were blinking shut, me about to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion and no longer having adrenalin in my system. He produced a small glass orb from somewhere, holding it up. "I can leave my armour, if you want, to watch over you while you sleep."

I felt the protection that radiated from it. Honest protection, honest safety. Dusk resonated in turn, burrowing into its warmth and everything stopped hurting. He put it down, taking my reaction as a yes.

Tessa rubbed my arm. "PJs?"

It took me a minute to realize there were clothes in that suitcase, familiar colours of fabric. I nodded again as she got up to get them, Sage standing to leave and Rowen already out the door. I glanced up at him, anxiety rising despite the chemical blockers already in place. He sat back down and hugged me tightly. "We're right in the other room. You're safe. We'll come if you're afraid."

Tessa joined us on the bed, pressing against my back. "It's okay, sis. I'm not going anywhere." She paused for a moment before adding, "Well. I might have to talk to the others after you're asleep...but then I'm coming back. This is our room, for now. We'll figure everything else out later."

I swallowed and really couldn't keep thinking, or feeling, or doing anything. Sage gave me one last squeeze before getting up, leaving the room and about to close the door completely before a spike of alarm at being trapped, anywhere, made him pause with it ajar. His back stayed firmly in view as I changed into my PJs, not even leaving as I crawled under the covers.

I relaxed under the influence of my medication, shifting to take up more room on the bed before falling asleep.

—T—

A glance at my watch told me it was roughly ten minutes later when Sage carefully nudged the door open to check on us. "Is she asleep?"

I nodded, shifting reluctantly in preparation to get up. My body felt like I'd run a fitness test just half an hour earlier, though; besides that, I was loathe to leave my best friend to her nightmares. She'd told me I couldn't count how many times that her mother had done just that when she'd said she wouldn't. I refused to repeat the mistake.

But so many questions had come up, and so many things needed to be discussed…

I glanced down at my peacefully-sleeping sister, heart torn with conflicting duties.

Sage stepped fully into the room. "Do you want me to stay so she won't wake up alone?"

In my exhaustion, the thought hadn't occurred to me. Relief almost made me fall back to the mattress again. "Hopefully she'll just...stay asleep," I said quietly.

"From what Cye's told us, both of her medications are sleeping pills." He now stood beside us, laying a hand on my shoulder. "She'll be fine for a few minutes. I'll call you if she needs you."

Managing a smile, I carefully extricated myself from Alexa's arms. Sage remained close as I paced to the door, half-closing it again behind me.

A quick glance at the living room window showed the sun had just set. With the curtains pulled in the bedroom, I hadn't realized how late it was. Laying down even for as long as I had had made me sleepy, and I rubbed one eye tiredly as the four Ronin turned to look at me.

The number of overwhelming colors Dawn could sense from the other armors' close proximity almost caused me to step back in surprise. Thankfully, they responded where I couldn't—both dimming their output, but offering wordless support that felt like walking onto a trampoline.

Cye stepped out of the kitchen while I processed this. Heavenly smells and aquamarine followed him as he came to my side. "How is she?"

I wrapped my arms around myself in almost a self-hug. "Asleep, now. Before? Terrified. Nonverbal. Shaking…" More thoughts I had shoved aside to deal with the last-minute rescue clawed to the surface; I wordlessly followed gentle pressure from the others to _sit_ and obeyed Cye's ushering me to the couch.

Rowen carefully sat once I'd situated myself and the EMT retraced his steps to the kitchen. "How're _you_ holding up?"

Thinking about that only caused the facade of strength to continue falling apart. Heartache and relief both threatened to completely crumble every remaining resistance I had to leaning against Rowen and breaking down in tears again. The craziest part was that I hadn't even met him twenty-four hours ago, yet.

Swallowing in an attempt to maintain my composure, I settled for, "Tired, I guess…"

Ryo—his armor burning with a soft, steady and comforting red flame—spoke next. "Need a hug?"

My chuckle-laugh betrayed how tired I was. I was already starting to lean against Rowen when I nodded, turning into him as his arm drew me closer to his side. His protectiveness was clear in the connection as he reassured, "We're here for you, too. Just because you weren't the one kidnapped doesn't mean it's any easier."

"Rowen and I had to… watch our friends get kidnapped. I ended up getting PTSD from it." Surprised at the admission, I peered out at Ryo from Rowen's embrace. "We understand."

Kento sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. "None of us came away unscathed, to be honest. Even if it doesn't show up as mental illness, we all have our physical and emotional scars."

Cye stepped out from the kitchen as his friend spoke, laying two plates on the table in front of Rowen and me. "We had to take care of each other, after the War. It's what inspired me to go into medicine."

I managed a smile at that, comparing it to my own life. "I've thought about that, too, from my training...but I didn't think my stomach could handle the worse injuries. I've heard and seen enough with my dad being an emergency doctor."

He nodded. "For me, it's what I feel responsible to do. But all of us know the importance of being there for everyone."

Ryo elaborated as Torrent's bearer returned to the kitchen. "Not opening up led to me collapsing at school cause I was running from my symptoms. So if _you_ ever need anything, we're all here. Even if it feels like nothing compared to what Alexa just went through."

Despite the call of the warm food on the table in front of me, their concern brought tears of relief to my eyes again. I could only nod, though, throat closed on a knot; I hugged Rowen's torso tightly, hiding my face. There were so many more thoughts I wanted to convey—how I couldn't have done any of this without them because I'd been so terrified and lost, but now that Alexa was safe I didn't have to worry anymore—but all that came out, eventually, was a simple "Thank you…"

Rowen's hand smoothed up and down my back, Strata radiating understanding. "You should eat then rest. We don't have to figure out anything 'til tomorrow."

My traitorous stomach growled as if to agree. Reluctantly nodding, I sat up and pulled the food Cye had set down into my lap.

Said chef had passed out more to Kento and Ryo as I did, with a detour to Sage in the other room before settling on the floor in front of the coffee table with his own plate. Contented silence fell as we ate, exhaustion from the long and eventful day accentuating our hunger. Once I'd finished—long after Kento and then Rowen had gone back for seconds—I glanced at my watch and realized it was high time I'd joined Alexa in sleep. The Ronin quietly wished me goodnight, which I returned in kind before slipping through the door back into my bedroom.

Sage was sitting beside Alexa, a hand on her back and his empty plate on the nightstand. She hadn't moved an inch since I left, a sure sign of how deep her sleep was.

I sighed with relief to see that. At this point, and after everything she'd just survived, sleep was going to be the most important factor that would determine her ability to recover.

He glanced back at me. "She's sleeping peacefully," he reassured quietly.

I could only nod, suddenly ambushed by a yawn as I moved to my suitcase for PJs. Halo hovered close over both Dawn and the other armor—Dusk, I sleepily recalled—as he stood in preparation to leave. On his way to the door, he paused to rest a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll keep watch."

Another yawn caught me off guard halfway through a grateful smile. Sage chuckled, patting my shoulder. "Oyasumenasai."

"Oyasumi," I returned quietly, tongue stumbling over the syllables tiredly.

Five minutes later, I crawled under the covers and curled up around Alexa. Despite my body demanding its rest, however, my mind continued to hop from thought to thought.

Just when I started to worry this would be a repeat of the night before, however, Strata's blue glow encircled Dawn like a blanket. The senses of the outside world that had pressed in on her and been part of the reason for my sleeplessness (I now realized) dampened considerably. Relaxation set in almost immediately, mind now on the brink of unconsciousness.

 _"Sleep well."_

I felt a hint of a smile on my lips. _"Arigato…"_

Stars guarded my dreams the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Translation**

 _Oyasumenasai/oyasumi:_ Good night


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** We have basically decided to rewrite the whole thing, at this point. Dominoes turned into 52 pickup.

We're going to try to update every 3-4 weeks.

 **Warnings:** suicide attempt discussion, assault aftermath, cult material, parental abuse, suicidal ideation

* * *

 _Chapter 7_

—#—

Ryo swallowed the last bite of his food and glanced back at the door to the girls' room as Sage stepped through it. The kendoka seemed troubled, though one couldn't have told it by his unreadable expression. The only hints of it stemmed from Rekka's connection to Kourin.

Sage caught his look and exhaled heavily. _"I wouldn't sense Alexa if you're easily triggered, right now."_

The warning came with a hint of how close to death the girl had felt. Worried for his friend, the Ronin gave Sage a meaningful nudge. _"Are_ you _alright?"_

There was clear concern for Alexa at Sage's announcement, as well, but Ryo could handle that later. Right now, Sage needed their support. Whispers and shadows of old memories and demons darkened Kourin's usual light.

He sat heavily beside Rowen. _"I have a greater understanding of what you all watched, when I attempted. I…feel like I should apologize all over again. I hadn't known how difficult it was to watch."_

Rowen laid a hand on his shoulder, murmuring, "You were still a child, as were the rest of us. We've already forgiven each other for all that. There's no need to put yourself through it again."

" _We_ would do it all over again," Kento added firmly. "We're basically a little family. And family sticks together, no matter what."

That drew a small, relieved smile from him, before he looked down at the floor again. _"A family with two new members who actually_ are _related…"_ He shook his head. "I don't think they're ready to hear anything. For how weak Alexa is, especially. She could barely speak or keep track of her concrete surroundings, let alone think."

Cye frowned, folding his arms atop his knees. "She's that bad?"

"Considering we still don't quite know what happened to her—and we won't until she wakes—I think that's as much conclusion as we can really draw, at this point." Sage dropped his gaze to the floor, hands folded in his lap and bangs almost completely hiding his face. Kourin couldn't hide the heat of anger he kept out of his voice, though. "Her facial bruising and scraping are only her visible injuries. Her forearm and wrist are badly bruised, the skin scraped there, as well. Even the back of her neck had a bruise. She could barely move without being pained."

"Do you think it's broken?" Kento asked worriedly, leaning forward in his chair.

"It wasn't terribly swollen. Tessa suggested Cye look at it, but Alexa panicked at the thought."

Rowen's eyes jumped to Ryo as the latter set his empty plate with the growing stack on the coffee table. _"So, I'm probably getting ahead of things, here…but it sounds to me like we'd better hold off on breaking the news about their family to them. At least until they're both better rested, if not after Alexa is stabilized."_

 _"I agree,"_ Sage seconded. _"She could hardly speak until she took her medication, and her forearm is the least of her injuries. She looks like she's been badly beaten up but we don't know to what extent. Kure was a brick wall when it came to me even considering sensing anything about Alexa's state, for what little I could sense of the yoroi. She's empty."_

Ryo leaned his back against the wall behind Kento's chair, frowning and making a mental note of Kourin's frustration that he couldn't yet heal her. _"Still…what if they resent us for withholding something this important? We're only just starting to establish trust with either of them."_

Suiko's bearer hesitated on a suggestion. _"We could ask if they want to hear something important, before we tell them. Then they know we have something to say, but can control when they hear it."_

 _"I could see that backfiring, what with Alexa's anxiety…"_ Rowen defended, firm voice bordering on almost a growl. Tenku communicated feeling loathe to budge for unspoken reasons. His eyes darted to the door of the girls' room and stayed there. _"And I'm not sure Tessa's in a much better place, with everything she's dealing with."_

Cool water Cye stepped into his usual mediator role. _"We can reevaluate after they've woken up and eaten. We have no idea how Alexa will feel then."_

Although he nodded reluctantly, something kept his attention on the door across from them. Ryo eyed him, Rekka keeping watch over the air yoroi as Kento spoke carefully. "If we learned anything from last time, it's that sharing sooner is better than waiting."

Sage took a deep breath, Kourin expressing that it was okay Kongo was referring to the kendoka's darkest moments. "We also learned telling the wrong person at the wrong time can lead to worse situations."

 _"They're_ related _. They need to know soon_ — _and besides, they call themselves sisters already. What's the harm in confirming that? Especially since their yoroi's powers seem to hinge on that fact,"_ Kento argued.

A split second before he could completely process Rekka's warning, a small _pop_ of displaced air heralded a new arrival in the room. All five men instinctively straightened, immediately on alert despite quickly recognizing Kayura. The gesture wasn't lost on her, either, even as they metaphorically smoothed their hackles down. She glanced from one to the other of them quizzically. "Alright, I haven't seen you glare this much since Arago. If he's back, you should tell me sooner rather than later."

Kento snorted at the irony of her words. "See! Even Kayura agrees. Sooner is better than later."

Seeing Kayura perplexed was a new experience for Ryo. Confused and angry? Yes. Perplexed? Never. "I would still like an _answer_ considering this cult seems to be using techniques the _mashou_ and I know."

Ryo's heart clenched in his chest. The icy hand of dread encircled all the elemental yoroi; for once, Ryo was glad of the fact they were keeping their yoroi distant from the twins'. "What have you found?"

"Nothing good." Kayura reached into her haori and produced a slim tome. "I'm sure you will all be excited to read about their yoroi, but from what I sensed of the cult's powers and what I sensed in Kure, there is a strong possibility it has already strayed from its purpose of protecting the nine original yoroi."

Anxious looks passed amongst them. This was the first they'd heard anything about other yoroi made to _protect_ theirs. "What do you mean?" Kento finally voiced the question in their minds.

"Kure and Akatsuki—together forming Kinkou—were created as an extension of the shakujo's power, after the _mashou_ were captured by Talpa. They were supposed to be the tools that would allow the _ningenkai_ to survive. But, somehow, it would appear the cult has managed to find the spell that made the _mashou_ so loyal to Arago in the first place, and has applied it to Kure. I only hope I have managed to dispel it."

"They what?" Rowen finally blurted out in disbelief. Tenku was now fully tuned into the conversation, after a notably long stint of silence.

Kayura laid the heavy volume on the table and continued, grimly, "When Arago originally recruited the _mashou_ , he cast a spell on them that woke their yoroi and greatly amplified their individual power, at the cost of their ability to connect with each other. They could not create a unified front against Arago, so remained his servants to maintain their power. When I reconnected Kure to Akatsuki, I sensed much the same resistance to connection the _mashou_ had. I cleared out what I could."

Sage licked his lips. "Were the _mashou_ ever…cut?" Ryo frowned, Rekka transmitting his curiosity that matched Kayura's puzzled frown. Kourin elaborated, "Kure had…red _gouges_ on its subarmour. I can only assume they came from them."

Anger with the heat and intensity of Mount Fuji flared through Ryo. Equal levels of shock and horror reverberated through the yoroi connection. Kento—again—spoke for the group. "They did _what_?"

Cye's voice was thin, clearly shaken by the news. "What…what does that mean for her?"

"If we're lucky, she has retained her youja-dispersing powers and will be able to heal," Kayura suggested, folding her hands back into her long sleeves. "If the _mashou_ —especially Anubis—could return to their yoroi's original state, then she has an even better chance."

Ryo laid a steadying hand on the back of Kento's chair. "To be honest, at this point, I'm more concerned about _our_ yoroi. We've already seen how powerful Alexa is; it's likely Tessa will be the same."

"She will," Rowen interjected firmly. "She's already sensing to impressive distances for her limited experience, and progressing at an incredible rate."

With a grateful nod to the archer for the additional information, Rekka turned back to Kayura. "If, however, they truly do have weapons that can cut through our yoroi…that makes fighting these people incredibly more difficult."

"Yeah! If Akatsuki and Kure are supposed to protect _us_ , but even _they_ can get seriously hurt by these things—what the hell chance do _we_ stand?"

Ryo moved his hand to Kento's shoulder comfortingly; the anger in his voice betrayed how much the thought rattled him as much as Cye's uncertainty did. After a moment, Kayura offered, "The _mashou_ might be able to help more than I, in this case. They have the most experience working within youja power with yoroi."

Yet _another_ thought that didn't sit well with any of the Ronin. As familiar as they had been with Anubis' change of heart—or at least, Ryo and Rowen had—the three surviving _mashou_ were another story. At least with Kayura, she hadn't known what she was doing, for the most part. They didn't blame her for Arago's mind control. His generals, on the other hand…

 _'But she just said they were, too,'_ he mused. His yoroi's energy encircled him like the embrace of an old friend, reminding him of the virtue that had formed it and then lead him true through the whole of the War.

Benevolence.

There was a reason Rekka had chosen him.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to exude calm for the other yoroi and his friends' sakes. "Well…we can cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we should all try to rest as best we can, and save our strength. Just in case." After a quick survey of the room and his fellows, he added, "We should probably also establish a watch. Who knows what else this cult is capable of?"

A massive yawn from Kento preempted any other replies. "Wehlp. I'm wiped out. Anyone else wanna volunteer for first shift?"

"I already said we'd watch. I will," Sage offered quietly.

"And we shall watch from the _youjakai_ , for now," Kayura agreed. "If you have need of us, do not hesitate to call."

Kento's dry, sarcastic wit reared its head. "And how would we do that?"

Normally, that would have come from Rowen. Ryo eyed his distracted blue-haired friend worriedly, even as Kayura explained, "Reach between worlds for the shakujo. Even if you struggle to fully sense it, I have a feeling it will find you regardless."

Even at Kayura's simple, almost unnoticeable mention of the _mashou_ , Kourin seemed ready to go on the defensive. Sage's voice reflected that caution. "And you'll keep watch?"

The priestess nodded firmly. "We will focus primarily on the cult's activities, to give you and especially the new Bearers privacy."

Ryo nodded absently, still half-focused on Rowen—not to mention everyone else's flagging strength. "Arigato."

Kayura departed as she'd arrived, with little but the left-behind book as proof of her visit. Turning to the other Ronin, he volunteered, "I'm probably not going to sleep very well. Wake me up for the second shift, Sage."

"I can take the last, since I'll already be up then." Rowen folded his arms over his chest and sank into the couch cushions behind him, muttering under his breath, "Stupid time zones."

Kento attempted a grin. "Good! Then I get to practice my expert airhead-waking strategies."

Rowen raised an eyebrow at his old friend. "Two can play that game, rockhead."

Light chuckles at their banter couldn't quite break the thick atmosphere of the hotel room. None of them knew how long this crisis might go on—or how it could possibly end. So many important pieces were up in the air, and not least of all what the cult might do next now that five other yoroi had revealed themselves. Rekka itched to get as far from them as quickly as they could, but he knew they needed this time to recoup their strength.

Still, as he and the others bedded down for the night, he couldn't completely discard the restless thoughts, or put out Rekka's watchful flame.

As their leader, whatever the outcome, the responsibility for _all_ their safety would fall to him.

—A—

I awoke warm, a distinct lack of joint pain that wasn't settling in even as I blinked sleep out of my eyes. Knots in my shoulders returned when I realized the warmth came from Tessa at my back and her arm wrapped around me, from a hotel bed whose covers felt soft and fluffy and enveloping. From a place where the air conditioning wasn't on full blast and a chill didn't permeate everything.

From escaping.

"Am I dreaming?"

A headshake and squeeze precluded her answer. "Nope."

I blinked sleep out of my eyes, looking at the clear glass sphere on the bedside. The kanji was vaguely familiar to me, from the time I had shown Dusk's kanji to Tessa and she had identified it as part of the bushido code, courage. The kanji on Sage's orb had been on the list, I thought, but I had shoved it all away and couldn't remember. Reaching out to it with Dusk revealed he was sleeping soundly in the other room. One person was awake just outside the door.

Watched, just like Sage said. Safe. Okay.

I could only laugh at the _strangeness_ of this all. "Everything about yesterday is so fuzzy it feels like a dream."

She nodded and cuddled closer, absorbed in the lazy morning. "T'past few days've been crazy…"

I burrowed under the covers, trying to ignore my body's stress-and-hunger signals, but failing miserably. "I wish I could stay in bed all day but I'm starving and smell food."

That seemed to wake her up. "Hmm, m'too… I think my stomach'd raise up an army to drag me out of here if I didn't appease it. I bet that's Cye cooking. Let's go see what it is."

I smiled at her familiar hyperbolic humour before getting out of bed, bypassing any thought of brushing my teeth or hair or even changing out of my PJs. I smelled something delicious out in the main space, and I wanted it in my stomach.

Of course, seeing _who_ was in the kitchen made me stop in my tracks with embarrassment. Pyjamas were definitely not on the list of 'appropriate clothing to wear around other genders'. "Right, five guys."

I forced my mind to go off the track I had so recently heard, about how you always had to be presentable around boys Or Else. He was a pretty cute guy, too. The type of guy I'd have a crush on as a teenager and the type of guy I'd watch get a girlfriend who wasn't me because I just wasn't the type to be a girlfriend, according to my mom.

Tessa recognized some of it, at least. She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed before stepping around me so I could hide a little. "What's cooking, doc?"

The man, Cye apparently, gave a soft smile. "Bacon and egg fried rice."

That piqued my interest, as much as I was wary about a reaction. "I've always wanted to try that."

He was already spooning it into a bowl. By the time I had gotten the sentence out, he was holding it out for me. "Well, you're in luck."

I took it cautiously, hesitating before asking, "What's in it?"

"White rice, eggs, bacon, pepper, salt, and curry powder." He grabbed the bottle of the last spice mix, turning it so the ingredients were facing me and I didn't have to juggle a bowl and a bottle.

Safe spice, safe spice, safe spice, safe spice. I'd be fine. "Thanks."

Tessa served herself, some left over in the pan once she was done. He drew my attention away from wondering why there was still more left. "I heard you had allergies"

I nodded. "A lot. I haven't figured them out yet, really. None of them are life threatening, at least."

Not wanting to continue this conversation, I turned to the living room… and noticed somebody sleeping on the couch. His blue hair was somewhat familiar, but I couldn't remember much from yesterday. He was rather good looking, too, just making me more aware of the dark circles under my eyes, chapped lips, and skeletal hands.

Cye came up behind me. "He'll sleep through anything. Go ahead and take a seat."

My sister chirped thanks before we plopped down, her addressing the sleeping giant in the room. "That's Rowen. He's the one who got your suitcase for you."

I looked over him, memory clicking into place from when he'd brought in my water bottle and asked about electrolytes. The fact I'd already munched on a few bites helped. "Can't believe I barely registered the hair yesterday…"

Tessa blinked and swallowed the bite she had just taken. "It is a bit…unusual, yeah. It's not the weirdest I've ever seen, though. A friend of my brother's dyed his hair neon orange once." She tilted her head as she thought. "Actually it looks pretty good on him."

I felt a laugh bubble up in my throat, no energy to release it other than a slightly lighter tone. "I've seen fire engine red at college. Her outfit was pure royal blue."

Cye sat down on my other side. "It's natural, for him."

She choked. "It _what_?"

"All our hair colours are natural, from Rowen to Sage." His teasing smile lightened the mood even more. "Even this red of mine."

"It's not that much more red than mine," she replied dubiously. She was trying not to stare at Rowen and failing. "But _blue_?" After a moment she added, "What is this, some kind of anime?"

I was more fascinated by something else, but not enough to forget my food. I swallowed before speaking. "I wonder how the genetics work for that."

Cye, for some reason, relaxed. "You should talk to him about it. He's our resident scientist. I know the basics of genetics from my biology courses, but he researches it in his spare time."

Tessa picked up her spoon again. "Well, I'll give him credit—that's way more effort than I'd want to put into it. Although I guess if _I_ had blue hair, I'd want to read all about it, too." She paused. "Has no one ever wanted to study him and find out _why_ it's naturally blue?"

He shook his head. "He'd rather just research it himself instead of being a science experiment. But he loves science— he's getting his master's in astrophysics right now, with an undergraduate in physics and IT he graduated from in two years."

Her eyes went wide. "…Kudos to him. I'd fail out of the first class on the first day, with those degrees."

"So would I," I murmured around a bite. "All I have is trade school."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Ryo doesn't have any college education at all, and Kento dropped out after a year. We're an odd mix of education."

The other bedroom door opening preceded Sage saying, "I'm working on kinesiology with a minor in business, in order to help with the dojo. But I nearly went with poetry."

That helped break up some tension I felt inside, for how 'writer' had been so looked down upon among my friends growing up and now there was promise. I refused to think about anything else. "I took one sci fi course for fun in college, but I didn't have a minor. Over twenty credit hours a week on _one_ topic does that to you…"

Tessa chuckled. "I hear ya, sis. Arabic, Spanish, and Japanese last semester—all on the same day—was…a challenge, to say the least!"

Cye shook his head. "I think you beat Rowen. He knows six languages, but I doubt he's studied them all in the same day."

That got him a crooked grin from my sister. "Guess I'll have to ask him when he wakes up."

Cye got up and went back to the kitchen, a conversation passing between glances. Sage took Cye's place, looking over me. "You're looking better."

I couldn't say I appreciated the reminder for what I had looked like yesterday, and the reminder he had seen me without makeup twice— the first time we'd 'met', I'd at least had the foresight to put on just enough makeup I didn't look so exhausted. I also couldn't say I appreciated being looked at by a guy who'd never give me a second glance, for how he could get any person he wanted. For how he apparently already _had_ the person he wanted, if what Tessa had said were true. "Feeling a little better." My black humour came out with a smirk. "But that's from 'death' to 'death warmed over'."

Sage's voice was far softer than I expected in reply. "That's still an improvement."

I looked down at my empty bowl, a sense of understanding between us that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Tessa offered a hand for it. "Want more?"

I nodded and handed it to her. "That was really good."

Cye peered out from the kitchen. "I can teach you how to make it, if you want."

While the thought appealed to me, I barely had the energy to move. "… Later."

Sage put a hand on my shoulder. "Take as much time as you need."

This topic was about to get very awkward, very quickly. I decided to change it. "Did Rowen bring my laptop?"

"Yup! In your suitcase," Tessa replied as she walked back in. "Mind if I take a shower, while you get that out?"

I shook my head and left my bowl on the coffee table, following her into the bedroom to grab it while she went to the bathroom. While I was in the room, I grabbed Halo's orb from the nightstand. I offered it to him as I sat back down. "I was too soundly asleep for this to help, but I appreciate it."

"If it helped you get asleep, it was worthwhile." He took it, turning over the glass. "Halo helps with my nightmares. Both it and Strata aid sleep, but I thought, for how you'd already sensed me, you'd feel safer with the familiar."

"Halo helped Ryo sleep through his PTSD, as well," Cye added from the kitchen.

I paused. The thought I wouldn't be alone in trauma for what felt like the first time in my life was overwhelming. "So you. Know how to handle mental illness?"

Sage and Cye nodded.

"Give me a few minutes to get used to that…" I pulled up various messenger apps to distract myself from the thought. From how nobody I knew in person being able to say they understood, to one person having my illness. Getting my computer on chased that line of thought away— the sheer volume of notifications was overwhelming. I'd never been away this long. I'd have to reply to them, and I'd have to offer an explanation. "Thinking of telling people I was saved by my best-friend-little-sister, her host brother, and his friends, makes this sound so weird."

Sage laughed softly, even though it was strained. "It is slightly strange when you put it that way."

I started by replying to the stuff about the web forum I was staff on, and how I wouldn't be able to handle it for the next while. I'd met Tessa on that site and it was strange not to be able to give back to them. Next up was wondering where I'd vanished off to and the guilt snagging in my chest I had worried so many people with anxiety as bad as mine.

People started asking if I was okay, now that they finally had a reply from me. I didn't know how to answer. People hugged me, said it was okay, just wanted to make sure I was safe.

I blinked and tears spilled over.

"Need a hug?" Sage said softly.

I nodded and put my computer beside me so I could turn into him, burrowing into his safety and touch. Halo wrapped me in softness and acceptance, giving me space to cry. His hand smoothed up and down my back as a door clicked open, followed by my sister kneeling beside me. "You okay, sis?"

I shook my head.

"Want to talk?" she asked softly, openness and gentleness in her voice and energy and it only made me cry harder. She moved my computer so she could sit beside me, pressing into my back.

Eventually, I managed to get out, "I don't want to tell anybody what happened but I already did and now people are asking if I'm okay and I don't know."

She rubbed my shoulder. "It's okay not to know. It'll take time to process everything. I'm…still doing that, myself."

An unfamiliar voice from the boys' room drew my attention. "Mind another person in that hug?"

I glanced at the black haired man, shaking my head with a watery laugh.

He knelt beside the couch and enveloped both me and Tessa in a hug. "It took us years to handle the after-effects of our first conflict. Cye, Kento, and Sage were captured by our enemy, and I developed PTSD from it." Ryo paused momentarily as I shifted upon realizing who he was. "None of us made it out of that unscathed. It's alright. You have us now. Armour bearers stick together."

That hit a note of memory I didn't want to admit was there. I froze. " _All_ of us?"

Tessa squeezed me to try and help me relax. "They all have one. It's…how we knew where to _find_ you."

I pulled back from everyone. "I know they do. I sense them. But _you_ , too?"

Her eyes widened in realization. She licked her lips and nodded once. "I…didn't even _know_ until…" She paused, glancing up at Sage. "Sage told me…"

I swallowed, hoping beyond hope it wasn't what I thought it was but knowing from the pull in my chest I was right no matter how much I didn't want to be. "Can… can I see it?"

She pulled something glassy out of her pocket. "It… It's name is Dawn."

"It's… a half…"

 _'The other half to your armour vanished when your father left, you have to find it.'_

 _'Your father killed your twin sister by forcing me to the hospital. I've been looking for her soul ever since.'_

 _'Your reborn sister will have the half. Once you find her and she's with us, you can progress.'_

 _'You have such a connection with Tessa! Do you think she might be your sister?'_

I could barely breathe.

Another guy with a voice not quite as deep as Sage spoke next. Considering he was the only guy without a name, he had to be Kento. "Rowen's been looking into that." I glanced up in time to see him licking a finger with an evil glint in his eye, standing beside Rowen's head.

Rowen, in turn, sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He glanced over to me, studying my posture, waiting for something to reply to. He didn't even entertain responding to the prank that had been about to be pulled on him.

The look in his eyes was a storm. A storm that matched the one in my stomach.

"You're going to tell me something I don't want to hear."

He looked at his knees, arms loosely looped around them. "I wish I could say it's not."

Tessa glanced between us. "…W-what…?"

Rowen sighed. "The armors…pass through families. And Dawn and Dusk are two parts of the same armor." He gestured to a book on the coffee table. "This armor, Balance, will only split for two bearers who are so alike as to be essentially the same, yet different enough to tell apart."

I couldn't contain the thought in my head any longer. "My sister didn't die, did she?"

Tessa froze beside me.

Rowen took a steadying breath and looked at her. "She's sitting right beside you."

I couldn't stop my sob. I covered my face with my hands and bent over my knees, body shaking too much for me to do anything except _feel_. I had tried to protect whoever my sister could be from my mom but she knew about Tessa and she knew about the armours and I had tried to convince myself it wasn't a risk.

I had tried to tell myself my mom had been wrong for so long.

Tessa wrapped around me, face to my neck. I shifted to hug her tightly, hands fisting in her shirt.

"S'okay—" Her voice hitched on a familiar word and I couldn't blame her. The cracks in her voice just made me cry harder. "S'gonna be okay."

I forced myself to calm down, to fill in the gaps for the confusion all around me. Once I could swallow air without feeling like I was drowning, I said, "My mom told me I had a twin who died in hospital because they forced her out when she refused and that soul got reborn and would have the other half to my armour and once I found her I had to recruit her. I always got the _sense_ you were but I didn't…"

Tessa rubbed my back, sniffing, herself. "It's okay. You didn't. You didn't listen to her and it's okay. I…I _know_ you wouldn't want to put me through that…"

Sage placed a hand on my shoulder. "We had hoped to tell you when you were most rested. We… hadn't realized you already knew."

Ryo spoke next. "Do you want a few minutes alone?"

I was about to nod before glancing at Rowen. He picked up on the clue, adding, "Do you want a few minutes with just me?"

Now, I half nodded, before glancing at Tessa. This was her conversation as much as mine and I couldn't just answer for me. She took a breath. "Sure…"

He stood and gestured to our room, letting us go in first. I stood with my sister, trying to control the deep muscle shaking I could already feel. Before I could be completely consumed by the thought, Kento called out, "Hey, Rowen!"

Rowen turned only for a shirt to smack him squarely in the face.

Tessa and I snickered at the glare he levelled Kento before tugging the shirt on and following us into the room. Parking myself on the bed, I waited for the door to click before asking in what I hoped wasn't an accusatory tone, "How did you _find out_?"

He sat on a chair near the bed. "I'm a white hat. Once Sage had an inkling something was going on, I…started looking into publicly available records. Eventually, I found the court records—what were available—on your parents' marriage."

I thought back to my upbringing, the past year of wondering and not daring to do any internet searches out of fear. "My mom never told me his name because she said it wasn't important…"

His smile was gentle and understanding, halfhearted from sadness. "Well, lucky for you, you told Tessa your mother's name. Without that, I wouldn't have been able to piece it together."

My eyes welled again. "I know her current name and her maiden name. She… she kept using her maiden name for her business, so I figured she'd switch back to it and to be _safe_ …"

Tessa rubbed my arm reassuringly. "I wasn't ever going to leave you with them, as long as I could do _anything_ …"

I wiped my eyes, voice quiet. "I know. Why I told you…"

"I found your birth announcement by typing in Tessa's last name with Alexa's first," Rowen said softly. "That's what confirmed it for us. We got lucky— as far as I can tell, it was only uploaded within the past few months."

He lifted one finger to indicate a pause, going out into the living room and returning with a printed sheet of paper. It had our pictures, the two of us eerily similar other than the obvious tonal differences in our hair. Hers was even paler in childhood, making us almost polar opposites in black and white.

So similar as to be indistinguishable, yet obviously different.

A laugh forced its way out. "We'd always found it weird we were born within 2 days of each other in Toronto…"

Her breath hitched. "Wait… How—why—how were we born so far apart?"

Rowen was still quiet. "Answering that would require access to hospital records which I don't have."

I swallowed at memories, stories I had heard so often I could recite them in my sleep. "Sh-she mentioned how hard the pregnancy and labour were for her…"

He hesitated his next sentence. "Cye might…have a better idea what it could've been."

"Dad probably would know, too."

I froze at that word. That symbol of a person I had heard just as many stories about. The person who had walked out on his only child and never paid child support, skipping the border and never even saying hello. Who had been so cold hearted he was nothing more than a reminder I was so unlovable, even my own blood relatives couldn't stand me.

The man who had also sent me a Christmas card last year and gotten on Skype saying I'd be welcome to visit, both Tessa and I wondering what had gotten into him, to let us Skype for three hours on Christmas day. All he'd said was he understood how hard it was to be alone on holidays.

I'd made things awkward, I could tell from Tessa's stiffness beside me. Still, she squeezed my arm in reassurance.

Rowen looked at the book. "I'm…sorry I couldn't find out more. But I can't access their divorce records, either. He's probably the only one who could answer your questions with any certainty."

Tessa glanced at me. "I…I wonder if…"

She was thinking of the exact things I was. "Christmas…"

Rowen paused, looking between us. "He acted like he knew?"

Tessa nodded. "I hardly thought anything of it, but…"

I swallowed. "He let us Skype on Christmas for hours, and even got on camera. Said I could drop over to his place any time and could have… _some_ … family…"

She put her arm around me at my progressively quieting voice, rubbing my bicep to soothe me. I leaned into her, thinking back on too many things that suddenly made too much sense, and trying to reconcile two narratives— the one I had been told, and the one that was becoming evident to me through my father's actions over the past year.

Rowen stood. "Want a few moments?"

I nodded and managed to murmur, "Thank you."

He stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. I glanced at the girl beside me. "No wonder he nearly had a heart attack when you listed me as your sister on Facebook…"

She laughed nervously. "Yeah. No kidding." Her sigh and swallow said more than words ever could about how shaken up she was by this, just as much as myself. "How—I don't want to think…how he's going to take this. Even if he thought he knew, he probably didn't know for sure."

I raked my hand through my hair, the weight of lies inside my skull creating a brewing headache. "From thinking he was nothing more than a deadbeat who'd never want anything to do with me to realizing he's the guy I've been jealous of for _years_ and…" She hugged me properly in response to that, cutting off any continuation I could have. I hugged her back, lump in my throat growing. "You're my _sister_ …"

She chuckled a little more warmly, rubbing my back. "I'm so glad. It's…kind of a relief, honestly."

That surprised me enough to blink. "You are?"

She nodded against my shoulder. "I kept feeling like there was something…missing. That it was—that _not_ being able to legally call you my sister was losing out. I treasure you so much and wished there were a way you, I dunno, could…like, be adopted? Or something?" She pulled back just enough to smile at me. "But we don't have to. You're already family."

A bitter bark of a laugh escaped. "Dad might have to re-adopt me, after… everything…" I rubbed my eyes, the enormity of everything coming to the forefront, focusing on dreams I'd had ever since leaving. Dreams of having a place to go home to, a bloodline to call my own. "I can change my name."

She smiled and rubbed my arm. "Whatever it takes to make it official. I'm sure he'll love having you in the family."

From the way she looked at me, and the smallest inklings from Dawn, I knew _she_ would be.

And I had nearly ended everything. "I… can't believe…"

She pulled me close for another hug. "It's okay, sis. You're here now. Everything's going to be fine."

It wasn't.

Not by a mile. Not with what this meant.

"She knows your name."

She squeezed me, but the stiffness in her torso made me pause.

I didn't want to think the ghostly possibilities I was trying to ignore were _real_. "Did… something… happen?"

She licked her lips and swallowed. "Sage… Sage said…there were youja, in the dojo. At the same time as your kidnapping…"

I gripped her involuntarily, _knowing_ that word. " _What_?"

She held me back, shaking her head. "All he said was that he felt the same thing that had kidnapped you. If he hadn't stopped me, when I went to find him there…"

My hands fisted in her shirt, lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. "She can sense you through me…"

Now, her voice shook with fear. "S-She can?"

"She already _has_."

I winced at my own voice breaking, a wash of depression I did not want to feel hitting me with the force of the body slam I had just received.

"When? How?"

I pulled back to get away from my sister's fearful words. "Sh-she'd coach me on how to try and… find. My missing sister. She has more access to Dusk than I do, some days. Right before you saved me she did it again and I tried to stop her but then she walled me off and. I couldn't break out."

She drew her knees to her chest, arms wrapping around it. "I…I think I felt that wall." She looked down. "I ran right into it, when Rowen was showing me how to sense. If it hadn't been for him…"

"How many times has she done it and I didn't even know…"

If she had done it once, she could do it again. She had so much control over my armour, which she called yoroi because she just had to flaunt that this was Japanese, that I didn't even know how to stop her. I knew how to stop her. I should've killed myself when I had the chance. Escaping had just put her in danger, escaping had just prolonged the pain.

"C'mere, sis," she murmured, wrapping me in a hug and pulling me to lean against the headboard.

She was the reason I'd escaped in the first place. The reason I had even bothered hanging on. I couldn't remember two words she'd said about the topic recently. "You'd hate it if I died, right?"

"Of _course_ , sis. I…" She paused, realizing my real purpose for asking that question. Her eyes lined themselves with tears. "If—if I—if we'd walked into that house a-and…and you were… And then they—and Rowen t-told m-me…"

"Once I thought of you I couldn't but… if she can track us, track you, and lay traps like this, _through_ me…" I swallowed down the rest of my words, never actually having _spoken_ about this aloud. I could make everything better, keep her safe, keep her friends safe, make Mom happy. Everything could be _right_ if I just died.

She squeezed me, burying her face in my neck. "It's not your fault. We're here for you and we're not going to let her get away with any of this."

I was too tired to tell if her anger was directed at me or not. I teared up anyway. "It's hard to believe that when there's such an easy escape…"

She shook her head. "It's not. It's a permanent solution to something temporary. We can fix this, sis. We can beat her I promise but we can't—" Her voice cracked. "—we _can't_ beat her if—if you're not here…!" She drew back, letting me see a tear fall. "If you d-die, she wins."

That firmness shattered whatever I was feeling. I _sobbed_ , overcome with the thought somebody wanted me here, somebody was here to take this on with me. I had been unsafe, I had been captured, but they had saved me and it was every dream and nightmare come true at once. I collapsed into Tessa— my sister, my light in the darkness— and clung to her, crying louder as she murmured soothing phrases about how she loved me.

When I could finally force my voice to work, I got out, "I'm so sorry."

She smoothed a hand over my hair. "I forgive you. It's not your fault. You constantly have to fight your mind in addition to her and you've been without your meds for days now."

"Without a shower, either…" I murmured, the wash of heat from a panic attack breaking having produced a copious amount of sweat. "I… I'd been scared she'd murder me if I went in…"

She squeezed me before drawing back slightly, otherwise letting me control the pace. Her voice was gentle, soft. "The guys are still keeping watch, I'm sure. You're safe, now."

"I think I'll…" I paused, feeling the overwhelming darkness pressing in on me. "There aren't any razors in the bathroom, right?"

She shook her head.

My exhale was shaky and she probably knew why I was asking that. I pulled away the remaining amount. "Alright…"

She watched as I gathered up my shower stuff, digging through unfamiliar packing. "Would you…be alright if I talked to the guys, a bit? While you're showering."

I nodded. "Go ahead. I'll probably be awhile to warm up."

She returned the gesture. "If you need anything…"

I managed a bit of a smile at the offer to ask for help. "Thanks."

Used to changing around others, I pulled my shirt off. Only to hear her inhale.

My back. My sides. My _arms_.

"I'd been avoiding looking in a mirror…"

She stayed silent, looking over me as I got my pants off. I had bruises and scrapes on my legs, too. I hadn't dared look behind me, the evidence from my front more than enough of a reminder I had been body slammed into concrete while wearing shorts and a t-shirt. The silence stretched on, me trying to ignore what else she could be looking at. "I'm just going to have a shower…"

A faint sense of love flowed through from her armour. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn't understand why.

My ribs and hip bones were visible, a hollow under my rib cage just barely filled by the food I'd had. My skin was mottled with bruises and brown scaling typical of tinea versicolor was already noticeable on my chest and neck. That wasn't even counting my face— my cheek was purple flecked with red, bleeding into the dark circles around my eyes, my lips thin and nearly white from peeling skin, my jaw akin to a sharp line. I looked like a skeleton.

I got in the shower, just wanting to get clothes back on.

* * *

 **Translations**

 _Kure:_ Dusk

 _Kinkou:_ Balance

 _Shakujo:_ Staff


	8. Chapter 8

**Warnings:** self harm, suicidal ideation, cult material, PTSD

* * *

 _Chapter 8_

—T—

Sage was standing closest to the door when I stepped out. I couldn't say it entirely surprised me, although I still jumped the tiniest bit at seeing him so close.

"How is she?" he asked gently, as I clicked the door shut behind me.

I pulled my loose hair over my shoulder, running my hands through it. The bruises mottling my sister's skin were too hauntingly fresh in my memory to get out more than a quiet "A-Alright, now… I think."

"I—We're sorry you both had to hear about it like this…" Rowen said apologetically, voice almost as quiet and downcast as mine. "And I'm…sorry for digging into your past, like that."

There weren't many words I could find to say to him, though the thought that it wasn't their fault drifted through my mind. I merely shrugged, glancing from him now upright on the couch across the room to Ryo leaning against the wall next to the window. Kento had dragged a kitchen chair over next to him and currently sat backwards in it, arms propped on its top.

That left the open spot beside Cye on the opposite side of the couch from Rowen. Unless Sage had been sitting there before, and he wanted it back. But the blond kendoka merely stood a pace behind and to the side of me—almost like a bodyguard.

All that crossed my mind in the space of a second, even as I debated where to sit and finally found words to reply to Rowen. "Had to happen sometime. I…don't blame you."

"How're you holding up?" Ryo asked, this time, unfolding his arms to stick his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

I looked down and rubbed one arm. A dry laugh punctuated the air before I spoke. "I…I feel like I'm in the middle of some fantasy anime series." Halfhearted chuckles whispered through the room from Wildfire and Hardrock's direction. Shaking my head even more as I thought about our circumstances, I added, "This doesn't happen in real life…!"

Cye nodded understandingly. "We thought the same, ourselves, a few times throughout the War."

"It's the hair, isn't it?" Rowen quipped, pointing to his own with a rakish grin.

The absurdity of that ripped a genuine laugh from my lips. Encouraged, he added, "We're even color-coded for your convenience!"

More mirth bubbled up in my chest, arms wrapped around myself and doubled over in laughter. When finally I could get the emotion under some semblance of control, I contentedly plunked down crosslegged on the floor next to the coffee table.

"I even coded the secret app we have to put the icing on the cake," the Ronin was saying as I did so.

I raised an eyebrow that said "you're kidding me" at him. "And let me guess, you even encrypted it yourself."

The Cheshire cat grin quickly showed back up. My heart flipped into my throat, inexplicably. "You bet."

Someone clearing their throat turned my attention to Ryo, his demeanor and tone bringing us back to the original topic. "We understand how difficult this must be for you two. The beginning of the War was the same for us. We'd had Kaos to mentor us, but we still struggled."

Sobering up—but still feeling better than I had when I walked in—I nodded. "Yeah, Sage mentioned that."

"We'll be able to teach you what we know, once everything's sunk in," Kento said helpfully.

Snorting, I thought of the _last_ attempt I'd made at mastering these newfound powers. "As long as it doesn't get us like we ended up yesterday…" I muttered darkly, avoiding looking at Rowen and hoping no one else noticed.

"We'll try," Cye replied—equally as dark.

A distant feeling of fear wrapped its hand around me at that implication. Staring down at my hands in my lap, threading the fingers together absently, I turned over a question in my mind. "Can Kayura help?"

Ryo's slow nod was as hesitant as my voice had been. "She and…the Warlords can help. They're all familiar with the energy this cult uses."

They allowed quiet to fall, as I mulled over whether I wanted to bring up what Sage had told me on the way from Sendai to Tokyo. The Ronin's hesitancy made me reluctant to open any old wounds on the topic; but, I reasoned, we'd need to know _some_ time. A little uncertain, I slowly asked, "But…weren't they, y'know…" One hand waved vaguely, trying to indicate the unspoken "your enemies".

A curt nod from Kento was my answer. "They were. But they changed sides before Arago died, helping us defeat him. We haven't seen them since the end of the War."

A story lingered behind his words. A long one, by the way the armors around me stayed oddly muted. Silence fell again, and part of me wondered when we would get to hear about this long-ago War they continually spoke of.

"How… _is_ Alexa holding up? Sage mentioned she was injured," Ryo at last broke the quiet.

I rubbed my arm again, debating how exactly to put into words what I'd seen in just a few short seconds. "She's…" After fighting with myself for the words, I settled on starting with, "She's…bruised…"

That put Cye's attention squarely on me. "How badly?"

I swallowed. "A—a lot."

The EMT leaned forward, Torrent trying to be reassuring in response to my small-sounding voice. "Her armour would've told us if it's life threatening, and we'll take care of her however we can. She'll be alright."

Grateful for that knowledge, I nodded—then glanced over at Rowen when he also leaned forward. His long arm stretched out enough to put a hand on my shoulder. "All joking aside…how are _you_?"

An appreciative if small smile curved my lip. The fact they'd even had to ask that a second time saddened me, however, and I looked away again. "As…well as could be expected, I guess. Still…kind of in shock, I think. Wishing I could _help_ , somehow…"

Sage quietly spoke up, now. "You're here to support her. That is the single biggest help you can give."

That didn't help as much as I was sure he'd intended it to. Feeling my shoulders slump and a cloud of sorrow settle over my expression, I sighed. "Doesn't feel like it when it all looks so hopeless, and I'm so helpless to help _her_. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and everything would be better."

Despite not looking up at him, I could sense Sage's small smile through Halo. "We…experienced that, after the War. A sense of helplessness, and wishing we could help each other. While it took time, we learned that company and love are the best ways to heal wounds such as Alexa's. Even just expressing the wish to wave a magic wand can brighten a dark day."

Ryo, I saw out of the corner of my eye, was nodding along. "Most of my PTSD is based around wanting to keep these guys safe. When all our psychological wounds started coming up, I burned myself out trying to help these guys. It…took a lot of hard conversations, but I saw what helped the most and that was just being there whenever we felt like our worlds had just ended. I know you wish you could do more, but standing beside her to hold her hand _will_ help."

"We're here to support both of you, too," Rowen pitched in his two cents. "So even if you feel like you have nothing to give, you can lean on us. And we hope, eventually, Alexa will learn the same."

Their genuine concern finally drew a small smile back to my lips. After a moment to bask in that feeling, Cye asked, "Do you think Alexa will want more food after her shower?"

Another slightly-difficult question. "Maybe? It's. Hard to say… Sometimes, even when her anxiety lets her eat, she still can't. But maybe."

"Well, when she does get hungry, it won't take us long to whip something up. Can't be any harder than working the line at my parents' restaurant," Kento said cheerfully.

I laughed lightly at his enthusiasm. "I'm sure she'd like that. Not having to go through the effort of cooking certainly helps."

Cye smirked, lightly nudging the comrade beside him with an elbow. "Rowen can tell you all about that…"

Rowen glared, but there was no malice in it. "I can make edible sustenance," he grumbled, crossing his arms.

I chuckled at the familiar reaction. "Reminds me of the way my parents insist I don't cook, I make explosives. Just because I once accidentally put a crockery dish on the stove…!"

Sage echoed my chuckle. "Sounds a little like Satsuki when she started learning."

Having tasted his younger sister's cooking at least once, I raised an eyebrow at my host brother. "She cooks way better than me already. Don't sell her short," I retorted teasingly.

"Well, even _if_ I couldn't cook—at least I live with _both_ the cooks of our little band." On that note, Rowen cleared his throat and changed the topic, reaching for his pocket as he did. "Speaking of our little band… I should add the app to your phone and Alexa's."

I agreed as he stood, phone in hand, and moved toward the guys' room to retrieve his laptop; with a quick word to tell them I would let Alexa know and grab my own phone, I moved the opposite direction.

Knocking to warn her—just in case she was changing in front of the door right that second—I carefully stepped into the room.

Concern immediately jumped to the fore as my eyes surveyed the scene in a split second. My sister sat on the bed's edge, a Kleenex dabbing at something that registered as red while similar flecks littered the skin of her back and shoulders. She had only gotten so far as to put underwear on.

She had told me about this, before.

But considering we'd only just physically met, I'd never come face to face with the evidence of her self-harming bouts.

I stepped carefully closer even as she recognized my presence and her free hand leapt from absently scratching at another bump in her skin. I couldn't think how to ask if she was okay—she clearly wasn't. "Sis…?"

Her breathing deepened, devolving into tears as she twisted her legs up on the bed and turned away from me. I hurried over to her, reaching out a hand to draw her into a hug but hesitating. She'd told me sometimes she couldn't stand touch; but Dusk assured Dawn it was okay, now. So I crawled onto the mattress and looped an arm carefully around her shoulders, waiting until she was comfortable enough to speak. "When I decide not to kill myself but it still hurts I…"

Licking my lips, I squeezed her gently and very slightly rocked us. "It's okay," I reassured in a murmur. "It's alright to feel pain. It's okay to grieve. You're allowed to _feel_."

"What're they going to think of me?" she asked, voice choked with mixed emotions I couldn't entirely name.

My hand smoothed up and down her back, mindful of her open scabs. "Care. Concern. Support. The same they've showed the whole time I've known them," I replied, drawing out the space between words as I carefully thought them.

"The police." She inhaled, switching from clarifying her meaning to replying to me. "And people can turn on a dime."

I looped my left arm more firmly around her, my interlocked hands resting at her collarbone and chin resting on her head. "They've seen countless people who've experienced the worst parts of humanity. They see horrible things every day. They won't think less of you for being a survivor." Jumping back to the second topic—as familiarly as if we were speaking in text, I noticed half-amused—I countered, "And I don't think the guys are going to turn on us. They don't strike me as the type. And from how they talk, they nor us can afford that."

Her voice came out in a very quiet, very _lost_ whisper. "What do you mean?"

"The…armors," I said, again barely a murmur as I carefully picked my words. "We can't ignore each other. We can't… We're stronger together. None of us can afford to turn on each other."

Her bark-like chuckle was watery with the pent-up remainder of tears. "I shouldn't be reassured by that."

I smoothed a hand over her hair. "You need to know you're safe. That we're not going to leave you or throw you to the wolves. There's nothing wrong with that."

She didn't say anything to that. A few moments later, she slid off the bed and resumed dressing where she'd left off. I watched while trying to hide the sadness her morose distance caused. But I was familiar enough with these moods to know staying quiet and letting her mull things over tended to be the best course of action.

For now.

We stepped back into the living room to find Ryo, this time, beside the closed door. The moment he saw Alexa, he opened his arms invitingly.

"C'mere."

I watched with a half-hidden smile as she accepted the hug, arms around his neck. He managed to lift her a couple inches off her feet, Wildfire radiating warmth that said everything would be okay. Hopefully, that same heat would ease her shaking, too.

"Want more food?" I heard him ask, as I moved toward the couch. I didn't see the nod, but I heard him ask, "Fried rice, again?"

 _My_ heart warmed at the tender care and concern he was showing.

Cye immediately vacated his place in the middle of the couch to retrieve said food, as Ryo carefully carried Alexa over and Rowen flopped down onto the floor so the black-haired Ronin could sit with her.

No one quite seemed to have an idea where to start—or even what _to_ start saying. Sage shifted in Ryo's normal spot against the wall as the microwave kicked on in the kitchen.

Kento finally cleared his throat. "Anything on your mind?" he ventured. Then, with a dry and self-deprecating laugh, he said, "Or, what comes to mind first."

"The police aren't going to believe _any_ of this…" Alexa murmured.

Ryo's voice was soft, if firm and convincing. "If they have seven people saying the same thing, they have to."

The tension that I hadn't been able to pop finally drained out of her shoulders. Tears streaked down her cheeks again, body curling around itself and Ryo; I coaxed her over to lean against me with a hand on her arm, smoothing it along her bicep. The Ronin on her other side laid an understanding hand on her shoulder.

The fridge opening and Cye rummaging through it was the only sound over the microwave and Alexa's sniffling for a minute. This time, Rowen broke the less-awkward silence. "Tessa thought you might be interested in an app I made for us," he offered brightly.

That got her to perk up. "What's it for?"

"It lets us talk without worrying about being intercepted—encryption," he explained. Handing his phone to her to look at it, he continued, "It only exists on my encrypted server and laptop, so it's not available for the public to exploit and figure out how to break into it."

The ensuing smile was the first true one I could remember her cracking since we'd left the farmhouse—sad though it was. "I nearly went into tech. Still wish I had, but I—"

I squeezed her arm encouragingly; but though I had an idea what caused her to stop, loathe to continue that sentence, I respected that reluctance and instead steered back onto the track Strata had presented. "Rowen offered to install it on our phones for us."

Her smile came more surely, now, followed with a dry laugh. "Of course I forgot to charge my phone last night…!"

Everyone laughed lightly, even Cye as he walked over and handed her the bowl of microwaved rice. "No hurry," Rowen said easily. "I can do it whenever. Doesn't take long."

"You're the one who'd know where my charger is…"

He laid a hand on her leg—the only part he could reach—at her quiet demeanor. "Do you want me to help you unpack and repack? So you know where everything is?"

I could tell even without feeling Dusk or seeing her surprised blink that the offer had taken her off-guard. "Y-yeah…"

A small, crooked smile graced his features. "If I forgot anything, I can just fly up to your apartment to get it." His countenance sombered. "I'm… sorry, for going through your apartment the way I did. For going through your past the way I did. I understand if any of that is a trigger for you."

Her hard swallow was visible, as she nodded at him. "Kind of necessary."

"It can still hurt."

She sniffled, but nodded again. The look she cast toward our room and the hidden suitcase within said now would be a good time to take up his offer. Rowen unfolded his long, lanky legs from the floor with a grace one might not have expected from that body type. Alexa followed on his heels after carefully extricating herself from between Ryo and me, her food momentarily forgotten.

Once they had disappeared through the still-open doorway, Ryo glanced around at the remaining warriors. "We should figure out the story to tell the police, to hide the armours."

Sage seemed to already be one step ahead. "We should come up with a list of stuff we need to cover, first."

"Some place cops can't find it and dig into our backgrounds," Kento pointed out, sitting properly in the chair, this time, with arms folded over his barrel chest.

Cye sounded amused. "You've been reading too many of Rowen's novels to have _that_ come to mind first."

 _'First horses, now novels,'_ I noted absently. _'What_ else _do we have in common?'_ As much to get my thoughts off the complete non-sequitur as to voice an opinion, I said aloud, with equal amusement, "Sadly, I think this might be more difficult than novels make it out to be."

Ryo had a look like he wanted to get back on topic. "So, first question. 'How did we know something was wrong?'"

Thinking about that popped the air out of my somewhat contented bubble. Drawing my knees to my chest, arms hooked around them, I shrugged at what was, in reality, the easiest question to answer. "I heard her. Heard it all…"

They allowed a moment to respect my thoughts before following up. "Why didn't we go to the police? Is probably the next," Kento said.

"And how we knew where to go," Cye added.

My laughter was dry, quiet. "They wouldn't have been fast enough." Swallowing at that thought and the implications, I remembered another reason. "And…she doesn't…trust police. Most authority figures, for that matter. Considering h— _o-our_ mother…"

Ryo laid a steadying hand on my shoulder. "We'll all be there to help her out, when we file the report."

Cye nodded in agreement, echoed by Kento and Sage. "It's alright if it's…hard to reconcile who her mother is."

I could only nod in return, not really wanting to think about it. After another pause, Kento repeated Cye's second question. "How about explaining how we knew where to find her?"

More thoughtful silence as everyone deliberated, only soft muffled voices from the other room to break our concentration.

"Maybe we can say Rowen found something about the cult that led us to Toronto, in all his researching," Sage slowly suggested, arms dropping to casually hook his thumbs over his belt.

Ryo ran a hand over his hair. "They're probably going to ask him a _lot_ about his research," he murmured.

Sage turned his violet gaze to me. "Did she ever mention Toronto as a potential hub, in talking with her?"

After a long pause to dredge my memory, I said slowly, "Maybe? We talked about so much that almost anything's possible, to be honest. And even if it's not entirely true, it's believable enough."

"Let's go with that, then," Ryo decided. "'Believable' is good enough for me."

Kento jerked a thumb towards my and Alexa's room. "Next up is what we say about her stuff."

I managed a laugh at that, only partially covering for confusion about why in the world the police would even want to know. Cye bit his lip in thought. "We might have to leave for Ottawa, after this… We can say she borrowed Tessa's things in the meantime."

I raised an eyebrow at them both, voicing my earlier thought. "Honestly, they probably won't even ask. It's really not their business, and they probably won't think anything of it. Saying she's borrowing my things should be enough either way."

"She just has to be sure to mention she _doesn't_ have her medication," Sage pointed out.

I blinked, then deflated. "Oh. Good point…"

"Good point what?" Alexa asked, coming back from the room with Rowen not far behind.

I slid a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck, letting the strands slide through my fingers. "Talking about what…to tell the police. Since, y'know, there's no such thing as magic."

The easy comfort that had covered her countenance paled back into uncertainty. She immediately closed off with a dry chuckle. "Right. Need to do that tomorrow…"

Dawn stretched out to its other half reassuringly. "Doesn't have to be so soon… You're allowed to rest."

That elicited more of the dry laughter, but she moved to sit beside me. "The longer I wait the less they'll believe me…"

I looped my arm around her again and squeezed.

"We'll be right there with you. You're not doing this alone," Rowen piped up, sliding back down into his previous spot—back against the end of the couch.

She managed a bit more of a smile, but I could still feel her shaking. She started rocking a bit, a self-stimulatory behavior I recognized. "What do you need me to do?"

"Don't mention you currently have access to your medication," Sage said, not unkindly.

"And if they ask how we knew where to find you, we figured you've told me enough I could make a guess." I looked to Rowen. "You probably found something related to cults in Toronto when you were researching, according to these yahoos," I said, waving at the other guys with a small self-satisfied smirk.

"Speaking of," Ryo piggybacked, "They're probably going to ask you a lot about that."

The blue-haired Bearer of Strata nodded. "I can handle that."

Alexa stared down at the floor. "What're we going to do after?"

Uncertainty shifted around the room, from Sage recrossing his feet to Kento's squeaky chair and Rowen cracking his neck loudly. "Well, the way I see it, we have a few options," the latter Ronin started. When no one else spoke up, but the armors prodded him to go on, he began ticking them off on his fingers. "We could stay here, but that's too…close for comfort, and besides that, would probably get expensive. Even if Mia's and Sage's families in particular have deep pockets. Second option is to go back to Ottawa, but—no offense, Alexa—your apartment will be a tight squeeze. And they already took you from there once, so what's to say they couldn't again."

"This needs to be _resolved_ before we can go back," Kento insisted firmly. Something lingered beneath the firmness, an emotion I couldn't place but that made Dawn ripple restlessly.

Rowen nodded agreement, and tapped a third digit. "There's also going back to Japan. But that doesn't exactly do anything to solve the problem."

Alexa's eyes widened almost fearfully at the notion. "I've never been outside of Canada, let alone on another continent…!"

Night-blue eyes softened sympathetically. Strata silently expressed his understanding and agreement that he didn't think it the best idea. Then, a fourth option occured to me.

Quietly, almost a whisper, I said, "We could go to my house."

I heard my sister's breath catch. "He'd… said I could drop by…"

Encouraged by her receptivity, I continued, "It's relatively not that far from here. It's somewhere familiar, and I can't see how… _she_ would know where it is."

Her laugh was watery again, but happier this time. "I'm glad I've actually met him before and know he won't hate me on sight."

I smiled—warmly, this time—and rubbed her arm affectionately. "Yeah. And even if you hadn't, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"Although he might if we just show up without warning." Sage arched an eyebrow at us—at me, I realized. Halo supplied his exact meaning.

Which Kento, true to form, echoed far more bluntly, and with a crooked grin. "Yeah, might be a good idea to call and give a heads up. I don't want to starve cuz there isn't any food in the house!"

A dry laugh and equally humorless smile hid how overwhelming the thought was to Alexa. "I don't want to call him now."

Protesting clarification came through the armor link, squarely resting the burden of that task on my shoulders. But the mere mention of _attempting_ to explain everything that had happened—to talk about something I hadn't even _considered_ until that moment, confronting my father and what he'd never _told_ me—was too much. There was no way in _hell_ I was up for that, right now, at least not until I'd even had a chance to still so many swirling thoughts the topic had gnawing at the back of my mind. "Tomorrow."

"Okay." My twin agreed. Her next words were blurred with tears. "What if she still tracks me there?"

I tightened my arm around her protectively as the guys exchanged surreptitious glances. Something just beyond my senses tickled at the silence until Cye asked gently, "What makes you think she will?"

"S-she has control over my armour… She taught me to use it and…"

This time, that niggling sense of being left out of an unspoken conversation became more certain. It wasn't long before something came of it, however. Ryo carefully knelt between the coffee table and the couch, hesitantly resting a hand on Alexa's knee. His tone light and almost impossibly gentle, he said, "Kayura…told us about that possibility. She said she felt that control in Dusk when she repaired the link between it and Dawn. She did what she could to clear it out, while she was there."

That was exactly what she needed to hear—and I was sure Wildfire could feel the full extent of my gratitude toward him as Alexa slid from her seat on the couch and into the Ronin's comforting arms. Beside him, Rowen lifted a hand to rub her shoulder soothingly; and, even though the others were too far and the space too cramped for more physical reassurance, the armors' energy crowded close around Dawn and Dusk.

I allowed myself a small, hopeful smile at the feeling.

We weren't—and wouldn't be—in this alone.

—A—

There was a cure for this. There was a way I could escape from under her thumb without cutting myself off from part of my soul.

Except.

"It still might be there?"

Ryo hesitated in answering my question, which was more than enough for me. "The…possibility exists, I guess. Kayura seemed fairly certain, though."

She could probably keep working it. That was good enough, just the possibility. "I never thought I'd be free of her…"

Kento kept the story going. "We never thought we would end up fighting against Arago beside his former Warlords. But they, too, were able to throw off his control, in the end."

I hadn't ever heard of somebody able to break out of something even similar. The weight of emptiness gave me room to _shake_ as Ryo's hand smoothed up and down my spine, Wildfire radiating he was safe. I could barely move, my body feeling heavy.

Ryo's voice was amused when he asked, "Want a nap?"

I shook my head, small laugh bubbling out. "Just. Don't want to move…"

"Do you—still want to talk about what next?" Tessa asked.

I nodded. Ryo picked me up and sat back down on the couch with me pillowed against his chest, me shifting to stay close to his warmth. I was _so_ cold and sore from damage to my body and anxiety; him being a furnace only made a dent in it.

Cye gently brought the conversation back to what they'd been talking about while Rowen and I were re-packing my suitcase. "We'd been…talking about the police, when you came in."

I nodded again, sliding back into my 'just follow orders' mindset. "And I can't mention I have access to my medication because I'm not supposed to have my suitcase."

My sister snorted, not understanding how _scared_ I was at disobeying Sage. He had given me an instruction, I knew the risk of going to police, I knew what danger I was putting them in by having them be involved. As relieved as I had been about the possibility of them not abandoning me, that thought had just turned into what if they manipulated me because if they didn't like me and couldn't get rid of me, they could control me, instead.

Just like my mom had.

That thought had me latch onto the next one, the last fade of memory before I couldn't remember leaving the house. "How do I explain her _vanishing_?"

Tessa tilted her head. "Who says they even need to know that? As far as they're concerned, we snatched you right from under her nose, and she wasn't able to follow us. Five or six on one will do that to a person."

"But if they look for her, she'll have an alibi for that time when I say she was with me…"

She'd always boasted how far she could go, how time had no meaning on her, how everything was just an illusion and if you were properly attuned to god then you could bend the laws of time and space. I had never believed her before. Until she had done it right in front of me.

How far could she have gone? Was she back in Ottawa already? Or had this been an exaggeration like everything else?

"You said she didn't come to see you there until a day later, right?" Tessa said, ticking points off her finger. "And then when we came to get you, she was there. Unless she wants to explain how she was in Toronto then, but Ottawa or wherever in less time than however long it takes to get there…"

"And besides that, she won't want to out her abilities, either," Sage added on. "Her looking delusional hurts them as much as anything about our armor abilities coming out, for the same reason."

Tessa hesitated before voicing, "We…could always _not_ file a report, if there are too many holes…"

I shook my head. "I probably have a missing person's report, a-and…" Anger bubbled up under its leash, forcing me to swallow it down. "I want her to _pay_."

Tessa put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I agree, sis. And she will, one way or another."

The thought of confronting her was almost overwhelming. I had always _run_ from her. I had always hidden my trail and covered my tracks and tried to make myself as small as possible to not draw her attention. And it had gotten me right back under her thumb. Intellectually, I knew I couldn't keep running. That didn't stop my voice from shaking. "She could use 'never left Ottawa' as an alibi, which throws everything out."

"Then we'll just have to figure out where she went, or at least where she came from," Kento replied. "If we can prove she wasn't in Ottawa the last few days, they have to seriously consider her as a suspect."

I swallowed. "Okay. I-if she actually drove down…"

Tessa rubbed my back. "We'll make it happen, sis. She can't get away forever."

I pressed my face into Ryo's chest at the enormity of the task at hand, and how hard it was to get parental abuse charges to stick. Maybe the fact I was an adult would help, it wouldn't be hearsay, it…

Rowen's arm tapping against my leg stopped my thoughts. I peered up to look at his held-up phone, blinking at what I was seeing.

The farmhands with their guns visible. My _mother_ talking to them.

"I'm really glad I thought to take these," Rowen said as he pointed to the female figure on screen. "Is that her?"

I nodded vigorously.

He grinned. "Then we have her pegged."

My eyes welled up with tears as he pulled the phone away, beginning to fiddle with it. I had evidence. I had proof of a crime I had possibly illegal weapons I had everything I needed to make the charges stick and I'd be _safe_.

Sage's voice was quiet, gentle. "Even if we didn't have these photos, we can say we pushed her aside when she grabbed you and ran out. Three of us saw that much."

Rowen put his phone back in his pocket. "Might not've been good enough— why I got the pictures. Surveillance is a key part of forensics, after all."

Tessa laughed. "You sound like an intelligence analyst."

He smirked. "Considered it for awhile. Figured it'd be more fun to work for myself."

That got a laugh out of both of us. It was nice to hear somebody talk about forensics the same way I did, the same way my mother had grilled me about because I was so obsessed with death she couldn't stand it.

Kento made one last check. "So, does that cover everything? We didn't miss something, did we?"

I shook my head. "S'all I can think of. Not like I saw much…"

Cye counted points off on his fingers. "We covered her movements, how we knew where to find you—" He turned to Rowen. "—also, they're probably going to ask how we figured out the fact that Tessa and Alexa are twins—" Looking at us again, he continued, "—and we know not to say you have your medication."

"Did we decide what to say about the suitcase, if it comes up?" Ryo added on.

"I don't have it." I glanced at Tessa. "Should… probably wear something of yours tomorrow."

She nodded. "Although, that reminds me…where do we even file the report? Nobody ever talks about jurisdiction and the like in all the TV shows and stuff."

"H-here…" I forced my voice to work over the lump in my throat, fear of my own illnesses surfacing. "I'd rather not have seven hours to obsess over it…"

Ryo rubbed my arm, Wildfire humming with a few thoughts I couldn't pick up on. "Okay."

Cye crossed his legs, shifting in his chair. "We might have to leave from Ottawa, just to say we went to pick up your things."

I nodded, thinking of _other_ things I had to do in Ottawa. "I… should probably drop off post-dated rent cheques, too…"

Kento scratched his head. "So, uh…if we _do_ go to Tessa's house—how're we going to get there? That sounds like a really long road trip."

For once, all of my hypothetical trip planning was going to come in handy. "It's fourteen hours from Ottawa to DC, thereabouts. By bus."

"We could always fly again," Rowen said.

Sage let out a dry chuckle. "I think we're a little tired of flying, after coming here."

Tessa glanced at the weary, jet-lagged faces around us. "What about a train?"

That brought a smile out of me. "Never been on one, before. We'd have to go out of Montreal, though."

"That's not that far from you, though," Tessa said lightly. "Not compared to here, anyway."

"I like the sound of a train," Cye said. "It's certainly the most familiar to us, for how we travel across Japan."

"You would know," Sage shot back. "Hagi to Tokyo how many times a year."

Cye snorted. "And you go from Sendai to Tokyo how many times a _month_."

That got me to smile a little more. "I've… looked up the route, for fun. You go from Montreal to New York City, and it's one of the most scenic routes in the world, apparently. Then it's from New York to DC. Takes… a day, I think."

"Well, it's not like we're in a hurry," Ryo said.

I exhaled. "We can take a train from Ottawa to Montreal, too. Pretty popular route."

"Then we could drop the rental in Ottawa," Tessa filled in.

Kento seemed interested in that. "Is there a train from Toronto to Ottawa?"

I nodded. Tessa had the expression of mentally face-palming at that realization.

"Sounds like a plan, then." Rowen looked up at the others. "Should we have Mia get the tickets? Here to Ottawa, Ottawa to Montreal, and Montreal to DC?"

Sage nodded.

Rowen hauled himself to his feet, pulling his phone out as he moved towards the guys' room. "I'll give her a call."

Kento leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. "How far _is_ Ottawa to Montreal, anyway?"

"Two hours, give or take," I said. "My boss has dinner meetings in the city, sometimes."

Ryo looked up at Sage. "Should be a breeze for you, then."

Sage's eyes crinkled with his laugh. To me, he added, "Sendai is two hours from Tokyo by train. As you just heard, I make that route multiple times a month."

Kento snorted. "He's the only one of us who doesn't live in Tokyo. Figured he should go to university near his family's dojo."

Ryo rubbed my back softly, easing growing tension I didn't know anything about the teasing flying around me. "Sage and Cye moved to Tokyo in their last two years of high school, so we could all… stick together, and try to get over the War." He laughed dryly. "And to keep me calm."

"All of us," Sage said softly, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. "None of us were doing particularly well, if we're honest."

Kento glanced at me. "S'why we want to stay here till it's done. We know how much it… hurts, to be alone, after your world has just… changed so much."

I shifted, almost uncomfortably. "I appreciate it…"

Sage kept his eye trained on me, inexplicably softening. "How _are_ you feeling?"

I hid deeper into myself. "I hoped you wouldn't ask me that."

Kento smiled softly. "You can say you aren't. It's okay."

I adjusted myself to get away from Ryo's heat, a little. "Not… the best…"

Sage pushed himself off against the wall. "Are you sore?"

I nodded.

"Do you think a massage would help?"

Twice in a day, now, I'd been surprised to the point of silence by one of their offers. I looked up at him, feeling my sister's silent encouragement that it was okay. I rubbed my shoulder, thinking back to the fresh self harm scabs and scrapes. Not to mention the boiling pain from my fallen out joints, everything beginning to ache now that it had had a chance to warm up.

"Sage's major means he knows how to treat muscle and joint issues," Ryo said. "He's helped me out after I've hurt myself in wildlife rescue a few times."

Tessa put a hand on my back. "Want me to go with you?"

That I could agree to. Sage followed us into our room, sitting across from me on the bed. Tessa took a chair nearby, within reach. Sage kept his attention on me. "Is anything in particular paining you?"

I rolled one shoulder. "Stuff's… dislocated…"

His visible eyebrow went up. "Dislocated?"

I nodded. "I… it happens, a lot. My joints don't stay in, so when I get stressed, they…"

He reached a hand towards my shoulder, pausing a few inches away. "May I?"

I nodded and he moved closer, murmuring for me to shift position so he could better grip my shoulder. His thumbs worked over my pulled out muscles on both my chest and near my spine, warmth from his hands seeping into my body in a way that let me know the pain would be over soon. It bolstered me through the grinding and _pop_ that was my shoulder sliding back into place.

I exhaled.

"Other side?"

I moved as an unspoken acceptance to that, him repeating the process on my other shoulder. I straightened my spine, finally not feeling pained when I breathed in through my chest. That didn't stop the agony from my locked up mid-back, however.

Sage watched from his position behind me, one hand still on my shoulder. "Is there anything I should be careful of, when massaging you?"

I laughed dryly. "I was body slammed into pavement while running. You can draw your own conclusions."

He rubbed my shoulder in sympathy. "May I see?"

I nodded and pulled my shirt up as high as it would go, the dark purple bruise down my whole side on display. He pressed on it gently, testing my reaction. At none, he moved onto the self harm scabs, but he hadn't recoiled at the sight of them. Maybe I could pass them off as part of the attack, no matter how fresh they looked.

He lifted his hands from me. "I can understand if trauma is making any part of this difficult for you."

I swallowed. "I-I'm normally fine with massages."

He shifted to put a hand on mine, fingers near the blood that I hadn't cleaned out from under my nails. "If fresh scabs are too painful for you, right now, I understand." He took a breath. "I've been in your position, before. I understand."

My breath shuddered. Dawn broadcast faint confusion at what the admission meant. For how he had come across it, I didn't have those same doubts.

He pulled up his sleeve, showing me the inside of his forearm. "I don't have scars but… I still miss the feeling. I… still sometimes thin my padding during kendo practice, if my mind is too loud."

I glanced at him, the expression on his eyes soft, the set of his mouth sympathetic. "Why do you do it?"

He glanced down, covering his arm once more. "I developed PTSD from the War."

I blinked, stunned, putting a few things together about how Sage had always been so close whenever Ryo spoke about the troubles they'd had after the War, how close he'd been to _me_ … "Is… that…"

"It's why we lived together, in high school," he said softly. "Ryo burned himself out worrying about my symptoms, when they began. Over the years, we realized I had… what you'd recognize as PTSD. Flashbacks, nightmares, the isolated but otherwise extremely powerful triggers…" He took another steadying breath. "Even if… your symptoms don't match mine, you have two people who understand the prison this illness puts you in. Rowen realized my PTSD first, and when Ryo collapsed, we realized he had it, too."

His open arms were a welcome invitation. I pressed against him and soaked up his attention to my front, Tessa against my back. Tears and shaking filled the void they left with their acceptance, for all I had hidden— for all my stepdad had suggested I go to a dermatologist because I'd picked scabs on my legs bloody.

I'd worried so much about what _they_ would think, and now finding out…

Before I could tense with the realization that the others might not know, Sage squeezed me. "They know. When they found out, Rowen flew me down to their apartment so I wouldn't be alone with my demons. Cye had bandages ready in case I needed them."

I sniffed, more tension releasing. "Did you?"

He shook his head. "My… armour lets me heal."

Heal.

I was in the arms of a healer.

It took everything in me not to rip away. " _What_?"

Mercifully, he loosened his grip. His voice wasn't exactly defensive, but I couldn't place what tone he took. "Halo allows me to sense injury, and heal myself or others. The sensing is not constant— I cannot tell what injuries you currently have other than those I can see. I control when it heals and how much it does. I will not use it if you don't want me to."

I just stared at him, still reeling from what he had just told me.

He withdrew his arms from around me, shifting back on the bed. "Would you prefer to talk, for a few moments?"

I nodded.

He smiled softly. "About anything in particular?"

I swallowed, looking down at my hands. "How did you learn you could heal?"

"A legend passed down through my family about Halo," he said, measuring every word. "It's believed that Date Masamune— my many times back great-grandfather— was never slain in battle because he possessed Halo, and any fatal wounds he did receive were nullified. When Ryo was blinded by poison trying to save me, I decided to see if light shone off the blade would heal him. It did. Later on, after an… instance with one of the Warlords, I split the armour in half only to have it fuse back together in front of my eyes. After the War, a series of injuries let me know the abilities extended to even when I wasn't wearing it. My self harm cuts were the first time I had consciously healed without wearing my armour."

He didn't _feel_ like a cult healer. Still, that was only part of it. "Did you ever seek it out?"

He shook his head. "I wasn't even sure it was possible, the first time I did it. I had simply hoped I could restore Ryo's sight— perhaps save his life. Even now, I try not to use it much to avoid suspicion. Ojiisama, my grandfather, trained me to not use it so I wouldn't grow to rely on its power and it wouldn't slip out of my control."

"And you have reason not to use it on me," I said, half to myself.

His smile had a few notes of strain. "As much as I would like to see you feel better, I would prefer the police being able to see the full extent of your injuries. A massage is the least I can do, to ease your pain."

A physical exam. I would be subjected to a physical exam. I didn't want to be touched, let alone by medical professionals. I would have to be. I didn't want to be.

Tessa put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, sis. We'll be right there with you. You don't have to go through it alone, and they have to have consent."

I took a breath. "Consent doesn't mean much if I'm so overwhelmed I just say yes to everything…"

She squeezed me. "I'm going to make sure they at least let me be with you, to prevent that. And…" She hesitated and my stomach dropped out. "Cye… In addition to lifeguarding, he's…working as an EMT."

I hadn't been expecting that, and the shock numbed out any fear. I took her hand and waited for her to grip it back before replying. "He… does…?"

Sage nodded. "He's worked as an EMT for over three years, working with the crew full time for a year. Now he only works a few shifts around his education— he's in medical school. He would know exactly what sort of examination they would give, and could easily act as your advocate at the hospital."

It dawned on me I had no idea who any of these men were, what their intentions could be, and just exactly what they were capable of. He could do everything from be an advocate to misdirect me on a form and have me sign my rights away. I stayed looking at the bed in front of me, trying not to show fear.

Sage's hand entered my field of vision. "I will not touch you without your consent. You can push my hand away or get another hug or something between. The choice is yours. I've taught Ryo, Kento, and Rowen some techniques that could help you, should you still want something but would rather I not touch you. You can have none of us touch you if that's what feels safest, right now."

Respect. Safety. Choice. Words I had forgotten the meaning of. I glanced up at him, at his bangs slightly brushed away from his eye so I could see the corner of it, and the lack of hurt in his features. There was some tension, but it was more to make sure _I_ didn't get hurt.

I pushed myself up to burrow into his arms again. He held me tightly, rubbing my back. Halo spoke of his desire to care for me, to keep the world out even for a few moments. I let myself sink into the safety— tentatively, hesitantly— and relaxed again in his grip. Even if I wasn't safe, Tessa was here. She wouldn't let them hurt me.

Pain in my back made itself known once more. "Can you work out the knots in my spine?"

"Gladly."

He shifted to let me lay down on the bed, looking away when I unclipped my bra and took it off under my shirt. Once I was settled his hands pressed on my back, finding sore spots instantly. I hissed in pain, lifting myself off the mattress.

He eased off pressure. "Too much?"

I shook my head, exhaling and forcing my body down.

He returned to pressing on muscles along my spine, in a slightly different spot this time, working out the fear curl I'd had for the past few months. My bones popped back into place, body ever-shifting to adjust for getting taller. As firm as it was, Sage's touch was still soft— the way his hands slid over my shirt, how he pressed around the bruise on my neck while still releasing my shoulders and deltoids. He even massaged out knots in my legs, my hips popping back into place.

I didn't sense any healing. Dusk was able to uncoil from its little ball, able to stop shaking and get out of its hypervigilant state. Halo was there, guarding at a distance, but it didn't flow through me. All I felt was the same warmth as before, the same warmth that finally banished the bone-deep chill in my back.

I'd forgotten what it was like to be so relaxed I wasn't in pain.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warnings:** parental abandonment, suicide attempt mention, distorted eating

* * *

 _Chapter 9_

—T—

I lay stubbornly awake that night, staring at the ugly paisley-patterned curtains. Behind me, Alexa breathed softly as she remained in medication-induced, dreamless slumber.

Part of me wished I could take that option to turn off my brain.

But as much as I could feel Strata and the other armors nearby, I also didn't want to just turn off my brain. Like it or not, I knew these thoughts would haunt me until I confronted them or found some answers.

First repetitive thought: I had a flesh and blood sister.

I had a _twin_!

As giddy as that made me, and as much as nothing had changed—considering we already called each other sister—it had nevertheless changed _everything_. So many implications I only realized now, in the urban-noise-polluted Toronto night, made it impossible to see that lexical change as meaningless.

Oddly enough, few if any of them actually had so much to do with Alexa herself as they did with Dad.

Dad hadn't told me. Dad had never breathed a _word_ about any sibling from his previous marriage. And if he hadn't told me, had he told Liv? Did my stepmother know—and had _she_ deliberately not said anything either?

 _'Were they_ both _lying to me_ the whole time _?'_

That train of thought derailed with a new realization that almost caused my heart to skip a beat.

 _'Was he_ in _the cult?'_

After a brief moment of panic over whether he might _still_ be a member, despite all evidence to the contrary, I shook that thought off. Even if he had been before—and he probably would have _had_ to profess membership to even date… _my mother_ —he certainly wasn't now.

Which brought yet another ill-tasting thought to mind, one I hated for how prevalent it had been all day.

My biological mother was an abusive God-blaspheming demon of a woman.

I had always wondered, as a child, who my mother was; what her name was, what she looked like, how she could have possibly left us. Dad had hardly described _her_ either.

Now, I realized, it was with good reason.

The sudden surge of grief that clawed through my heart caused me to inhale sharply and draw my legs to my chest. Although Liv had become as good a mother—better, even—than the one I had never had…it still _hurt_. Hurt like hell to have killed that dream, the one of a kind and gentle woman who had given birth to me, waiting somewhere in the world for me to find her. Waiting to tell me all about the wonderful experiences she'd shared with Dad and then me, despite how the marriage hadn't lasted.

Waiting to tell me she loved me.

A cool breeze—the faintest wisp of moving air, really—brushed past my hair. I lifted my head curiously, emotion still bubbling beneath the surface but temporarily forgotten at the unexpected phenomenon. Glancing around the darkened room didn't provide any real answer for it, though. The A/C unit didn't blow directly on me, and there was no overhead fan in the room.

Just when I started to think maybe I had imagined it, it came back. Soft as a breath, it caressed my cheek with invisible fingers. By the time I lifted my body up from the mattress, however, the current had vanished. Long seconds passed as I glanced around the room, waiting for it to start again—but nothing happened.

 _'Maybe there's just a draft somewhere…'_

I sighed, rubbing my face tiredly with one hand. The clock read something too close to zero-dark-thirty in the morning for my comfort, considering how fast my mind still wanted to spin. An uneasy glance at Alexa showed she still slept as deeply as before. Though reluctant to leave her for more than a few minutes, I _was_ hopeful a glass of water and a quick midnight snack might help.

So I carefully swung my legs out from the covers and tiptoed to the door.

It wasn't until after I'd quietly pulled it shut behind me that I realized I wasn't the only night owl awake. A pale blue-white glow like moonlight filled the living room, casting fuzzy shadows in odd but strangely comforting ways. The click of the latch caused the couch's occupant to sharply turn eyes edge with wariness in my direction.

It was a regrettable contrast from the open, all-encompassing interest in the pages of a book propped against Rowen's knees, of which I had caught the briefest glimpse.

Before I could find words to apologize for disturbing him, he'd dropped his feet to the floor and laid the closed book on the table. "Is everything alright?"

I nodded quickly, trying to assuage the thinly veiled concern in his words yet failing to preempt his rising to his feet. "Y-Yes. Sorry, just…" Not quite wanting to admit I hadn't been able to sleep for the second night in a row, I trailed off with, "…wanted a drink of water."

He shifted uncertainly, almost looking as if he might say something before thinking better of it. Simply nodding, he slowly sat back down and picked the book up again.

Silence and the orb's dim light were the only things to fill the suite as I moved into the kitchen, then disturbed by the clink of glass and swish of water. After gauging my actual thirst with a quick swig that downed quarter of the cup, I topped it off before reluctantly turning back to the living room.

This time, Rowen didn't glance up when I leaned against the wall between kitchen and living space. I relaxed some, taking another sip of the lukewarm water. As I nursed the glass, I began to watch the archer. He hadn't kicked his feet up on the couch as he had been before—simply leaned back and held the book loosely in his hands—but something about the way he seemed at home in the half-night soothed me, filing away at the jagged edges in my mind.

And yet, Strata continued to brush up against the bounds of Dawn's senses. Not enough to startle me before slipping away again like the tide on a beach; just as inevitably, however, the armor returned to check on me over and over.

"If I'm interrupting your relaxation, you can just say so," I finally said.

He laid the open book back down on his lap, midnight eyes pinpricked with reflected light in a way that resembled tiny stars. "I'm not relaxing because you're not relaxed."

Chagrined by the thought, I stared down into my now half-empty glass and swirled it once or twice. "I'm fine," I mumbled after a protracted silence.

I could barely make out the shake of his head in my peripherals. "You would be sleeping if you were."

The remark hit a little too close to home. Mindful of the defensiveness creeping up beneath my skin, I tried to make my one-shouldered shrug nonchalant. "I've been up later talking to Alexa before."

That didn't seem to satisfy Rowen. He was silent while the gears turned in his mind, but the way his eyes seemed to read me as easily as the book he held unnerved me. When the sensation grew unbearable, I glanced down at my toes digging into the carpet and muttered sarcastically, "What? Is there something on my face?"

I didn't expect a soft chuckle. He patted the empty space on the couch as my gaze returned to him. The amusement had died away, that knowing look returning. "How are you handling…things?"

'Things' was remarkably unspecific—and exactly what I'd come out here to avoid. But at the same time…

He waited patiently for a reply, while I stared down into my glass and mindlessly swirled what water remained. "Something tells me you already know," I muttered.

"Something tells me you need to hear yourself say it," he replied, not unkindly.

I sighed, standing straight and shifting my feet uncertainly. Why was it so hard to just say what was on my mind? "Say what?"

That was too transparent; I winced at how obviously I was avoiding the careful lead Rowen had given to share what was bothering me. Thankfully, he merely seemed amused; his voice remained gentle and…strangely empathetic. "That your life has flipped upside down in a matter of only seventy-two hours." He paused thoughtfully. "Or less."

 _There_ were the emotions I'd struggled with. They bubbled out of me in a dry, dark chuckle. "Oh, is that all? Great. Thanks, Mister Shrink. I should sleep just fine now."

…It was way too late at night for this. Or, early in the morning.

 _'I'm sleep drunk,'_ I joked silently.

The compassion in Rowen's gaze definitely made me feel drunk—although I'd not yet had more than an occasional sip of alcohol. I couldn't look away, this time. "We all grew up knowing about the armors and what it meant to be a Bearer. Even Alexa, I suspect, heard _something_ about them from the cult. But you…you said yourself you'd had no idea until Sage told you. _Anyone_ would struggle with that."

While he hadn't quite struck the mark, that arrow had nudged the door open. My heart nearly _ached_ with the need to share. I probably could have easily done so with my sister—but at the same time, she had enough on her plate. She would definitely hear about it eventually.

For now, a third party who understood what exactly I had gotten myself into was…tempting.

I dropped my gaze to the floor, curling the toes of one foot under me. "Dad never told me," I admitted in a murmur.

Strata gently nudged Dawn, indicating I could move to the couch to make myself comfortable. After a moment's hesitation, I slowly walked around the coffee table and sank into the space next to Rowen. My eyes landed on the book he'd been reading. Close up, I realized it was likely the one Cye had mentioned Kayura left behind—the one about our armors. Although simple, made of plain leather except for a few geometric swirls etched into the corners, it had a _feel_ of something otherworldly.

Another nudge from Strata drew my mind back to what I'd started saying. Taking a few more mouthfuls of water, I gathered my thoughts. "I…found Dawn in his study. Back then, I just thought it was a neat paperweight. Kinda weird, but neat, especially since I…always felt safe around it." I shook my head with a rueful smile. "Even when I tried to leave it behind when I was going to a summer camp, I didn't think how _weird_ it was that I _had_ to make him turn around to go back for it not two minutes down the road.

"When I'd first showed him what I found, he _did_ seem a little surprised. He just said it was something he'd got from…my mother's family. It had come from Japan, but that was all he knew and I could hang onto it if I wanted. He didn't really need a paperweight, anyway." I sighed quietly. "If I'd known what it really was…"

Rowen's hand on my shoulder drew my attention. "It probably wouldn't have changed anything. Just like _not_ knowing about Strata, or _knowing_ how evil Arago was would not have changed my response to its call. I understand now that my fighting against it would not have changed the War, except perhaps to ensure I was _less_ prepared for what did happen." Smiling warmly, he reached up to nudge my chin encouragingly. "Besides, you have us. We'll fill in the gaps in your knowledge as best we can."

I managed a small laugh that loosened the tension in my chest. "Thanks…"

The smile widened a fraction. "I mean that. You're not in this alone—neither of you are." His countenance sobered some, a pause of hesitation filling the space. "And…I understand how bad feeling betrayed by a parent can be. My father…wasn't exactly _un_ supportive, but he was neglectful in the most absent-minded-professor sense of the term. If what I was working on or building got in his way, or he felt threatened by it, he would just…"

Now, it was my turn to be sympathetic. "I'm so sorry," I murmured, laying a hand on his arm.

The smile that returned was small and tight, the stars in his eyes dulled compared to his earlier expressions of mirth. "It's…okay, now. I moved out from under him last year, to live with Cye and Kento. My mother's always been supportive, and comes to visit when she can between all her far flung excursions." He laughed quietly. "Almost to the point of smothering! Sometimes I joke to Ryo that I can handle him so well because I've already handled the female version of him for twenty-odd years."

Once our stifled laughter at Ryo's expense died away, I said seriously, "I do mean it, though. I'm sorry you had to deal with…all that."

Something about that seemed to get through, at least a little. The light returned to his expression, Strata silently conveying his appreciation for the solidarity. After a few seconds, he picked up the book and turned a questioning, mischievous eye on me.

"Want to see what I've been reading?"

…Well, it was either that, or try to pretend to sleep for the next handful of hours. And when he said it like _that_ …

"Sure."

Rowen flipped through the pages again, Strata's orb still cupped in his free hand, as I leaned forward and set my glass on the table in front of us. "I think this was written by Kaos—the mystic who made all the armors. The first part seems to be his description of how Balance came to be."

A glance at ink-covered parchment drew me in by the proverbial curious cat. Raising an eyebrow, I asked, "Did this mystic know how to write English?"

The look I got back said I was crazy. Before he could voice anything to that effect, I poked what were very plainly English words with a finger. "I see English. Granted, it reads like fifteenth century poetry, but it's recognizably English."

I could almost see the gears spinning in his mind, again. "That…actually might not be incorrect." The enthusiasm for discovery in his words cut off any retort I had contemplated making. He clarified hastily, "The time, not the language. According to various clan records, that's around when our families would have inherited the armor. Maybe that's when he wrote this book. I'm reading it in archaic Japanese—which I just assumed was because that was what he knew—but perhaps he imbued it with some sort of magic just in case Balance's next Bearer wasn't Japanese, or couldn't read the language."

That was impressive, to say the least. Of course, so was flying halfway across the world in an hour. "So, what's it say?" I asked a little impatiently. "If there were already nine armors, why did he need another?"

He gathered his thoughts while I let my eyes roam across the open page, one of the later ones that apparently talked about some of Dusk's half of the power set. "Well… If I'm right, the Warlord's armors would have just fallen to Arago," he began quietly. "Wishing to avoid a repeat…incident, he channeled Ancient magic into one more set of armor, in many ways similar to Inferno's concept. The Bearer of this armor would, hopefully, be able to ensure the remaining five escaped Arago's reach."

The level tone in which Rowen described that reasoning didn't quite sit right with me. Shrugging it off as part of the uniquely strange late-night-early-morning ambience, I summarized, "So, because the bad guy could potentially collect 'em all and use them to evil ends, he wanted to make sure someone else could protect the set?" I frowned, perplexed.

Something still felt missing in my understanding.

I blinked wearily and yawned, rubbing the first grains of sleep from one eye in an attempt to keep my brain awake. My body was protesting the unusual hours I was keeping, which was almost thankfully starting to make greater demands on my brain than it could handle.

It was at that point that I realized Rowen hadn't answered me yet.

My brow furrowed with the first inklings of concern. A flicker of something I couldn't name crossed his face—uncertainty? "Rowen…?"

Startled out of his thoughts, he scrubbed at his face with one hand in a mirror movement to mine earlier. "Sorry. Spaced out, there." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "You're…basically right. There're some minor details, but—"

I laid one hand on the book, cutting his sentence short. He seemed surprised, eyes a little wider than usual. "I can't sleep because I'm tired of not having answers."

Whether it was the quiet exhaustion or the firm edge of my abrupt confession that convinced him, I didn't know. But, clearing his throat, he looked down at my slim-fingered hand. "These armors…from Arago's body. They're not… They're not the safest things to be around." He shook his head, brushing a longer lock of hair from his eyes. "If you think Dawn has a mind of her own, you should have sensed all of us back in the War. They _thrive_ on violence and bloodlust. When he created them, Kaos specifically worked in aspects of the bushido code to each one in order to control that."

I thought of the marking on Dawn's half-sphere that had drawn me to study Japanese in the first place. Just beyond the curve of Rowen's fingers and the glow of Strata's power, I could faintly make out parts of a kanji character that were likely similar.

Despite the sense that reasoning made, I frowned. "But how does that have anything to do with Balance? You said he made it, not…"

Realizing I only knew _that_ he made it—not _how_ —I trailed off. Rowen took that as a sign to continue. "He was afraid it wouldn't be enough. That even with the bushido virtues, human Bearers would fall to the call of the armor just as the Warlords had. In the event that happened—and especially if _all_ the Bearers did, or if Arago managed to reclaim them…" His eyes closed, a measured inhale followed by a small sigh. "Balance would be responsible for containing, purifying, or…eliminating the threat they posed to the ningenkai."

A chill ran down my spine that had nothing to do with the air conditioning and the fact I was in a tank top and small PJ shorts.

Kaos hadn't just been afraid _Arago_ would unleash havoc on the world.

He'd made Balance to protect the world from _the armors themselves_ —and, by extension, those who wielded them.

I didn't notice or realize that utter terror at the notion showed through in my expression until the touch of Rowen's hand on mine startled me from my thoughts. Eyes as dark as the shadows around us were themselves shadowed by the knowledge that burdened him. "I'm sorry. I…wasn't going to share that with you so soon. I didn't mean to frighten you."

The sheer tenderness and remorse in his words and posture—in some, strange way—gave me permission to break. Overwhelming emotions that had started small but snowballed to a size that could crush me found release in a strangled sob.

As soon as the tears followed, Strata's energy enveloped us like a cocoon and sealed us away from the prying eyes of the outside world. Relief that I wouldn't have to worry about waking the others—especially Alexa—only brought more moisture to my eyes. Even as I pulled my hand from his in order to cover my face, however, he carefully shifted closer to slide his arm around my shoulders.

After a particularly large sniffle, something tapped my knee. I pried one eye open to find a box of tissues held out invitingly. My laugh was watery and quiet, but genuine. _"Thanks…"_

 _"It's okay to be overwhelmed. Cry as much as you need."_

So I did. A small mountain of tissues grew on the coffee table beside his armor orb as the minutes slipped past. The higher it grew, the more I leaned on Rowen, looping my arms around his neck and muffling my sobs against his chest. If he cared that I had made a damp spot on his T-shirt from all the tears, he never said a word about it to me. He simply mirrored my motions, eventually readjusting so the armrest supported his back and he could stretch his legs out on the couch like earlier. I didn't complain; the new arrangement was far more comfortable than the twisted up pretzel I had become.

Finally, the emotions petered out into a dull ache in my chest. Everything still felt fuzzy and indistinct, my limbs heavy with exhaustion, but I had cried for so long everything had just numbed out. I wasn't even certain that if I thought about it now, I _wouldn't_ start the cycle all over again.

To avoid that, I instead focused on my breathing and the peaceful silence that enveloped us like the calm after a thunderstorm. Strata's glow was a faint, soothing undertone to the shadows behind my closed eyelids, Rowen's shirt a sharp scent in my nose similar to what I thought maybe space smelled like.

As much as I didn't want to move, however, my exhausted thoughts consistently strayed back to Alexa. It had been far longer, by now, than I'd meant to be away from our shared bed.

Sensing my unease, Rowen smoothed a hand up and down my back. _"Think you can sleep, now?"_

Torn between giving up the haze of unconsciousness beckoning to me in order to walk back to bed, and wanting to return to my sister's side, I hid my face against his chest. _"Dun wanna move…but…"_

I could sense the depth of compassion he felt at hearing that. _"I can carry you back, once you're asleep."_

That…would work.

At that point, reassured things would be taken care of, I could no longer fight the heaviness of my eyelids. Snuggling closer to the steady drumbeat in my ear, I barely managed to agree to Rowen's suggestion before sleep claimed me.

—0—

The first thing Cye noticed was Sage not in one of the living room chairs. His eyes travelled down to Rowen's book on the coffee table out of reach from the couch, and Rowen's head peeking up from above the arm.

Another step in the room revealed Tessa asleep on Rowen's chest, a blanket over them both.

That answered where Sage was, at least.

Cye slipped into the girls' room to see him sitting beside Alexa on the bed, a hand on her back and Kourin on the nightstand. Cye hoped that wasn't a sign she had stirred overnight— normally Sage tried to avoid touching sleeping persons, for how he had night terrors and had punched every last one of the Ronin, at some point. Since none of them knew if Alexa did, he'd gambled. Even starved, she had the potential to bruise when unrestrained by sleep.

 _'She needs somebody beside her, for how Tessa didn't want to leave her.'_

Cye exhaled a small puff of concerned air; if it was serious, he would've mentioned it. _'And Rowen, with Tessa?'_

Sage shook his head. _'He was asleep when I woke up, a pile of tissues in front of them. It would appear he fell asleep after comforting her. Part of me wants to tease him about it, but I can't help but wonder what disturbed her so much she left, and what exhausted him to the point he didn't carry her back.'_

Cye sighed. _'I hate to think of how both girls must feel.'_

Sage nodded, glancing down at the girl beside him and rubbing her back. _'It's tempting to get her. I didn't want to disturb either of them, but Alexa's stress has been rising my whole watch.'_

 _'Does Kourin help?'_

Sage swallowed. _'She nearly had a panic attack finding out I was a healer. I promised not to use it on her without her consent.'_

That made up both of their minds. _'I'll go get her.'_

He left the door open on his way out, so Sage wouldn't have to get up on the off-chance Alexa was on the verge of waking. In the living room it was a case of _carefully_ working Tessa out of Rowen's grip.

Nothing was careful enough when Rowen's protective instincts became tripped. He stirred, tightening his grip around her.

Suiko nudged Tenku. _'It's me. Tessa needs to go back to bed.'_

Rowen blinked his eyes open, got visual confirmation, before lifting his arm off Tessa's back. _'Mean' t'take her…'_

 _'I know,'_ he said softly. _'Rest up.'_

With that, he went straight back to sleep.

Tessa stirred a little, herself, as Cye carried her to the room. Thankfully some hushing was all it took to get her to settle, just in time for Sage to get up from his place and lift the covers up. Cye placed her on the warm bed while Sage tucked her in.

As subtle as it was, Alexa shifted under the covers— despite the amount of sleep medication in her system— until her back was touching Tessa's.

Sage watched, reaching a hand out to stroke Alexa's hair. _'She needed her sister.'_

 _'Just like you need your brother,'_ Cye replied softly.

Sage's chuckle was dry as they left the room. _'That obvious I'm on edge, is it?'_

Cye guessed there was another reason for Sage to be on edge, one that had everything to do with possible interpretations for why Rowen and Tessa had been curled up with each other. Even in wakefulness, it was easy enough to see clues if you knew Rowen. And Sage most certainly knew Rowen. _'How does it feel, watching him be in love with somebody else?'_

Sage sobered instantly. He glanced at the floor. _'I always knew he wasn't mine. As much as we pretend, when I don't want to receive another offer of a date… I'm happy for him. I've been trying to set him up too much_ not _to be.'_

 _'Have you found anyone?'_

Sage shrugged. _'Ojiisama keeps saying my twenty fifth birthday present will be a visit to a matchmaker, if I am still single then. Every time he mentions it, I'm tempted to go earlier. I haven't had anyone since Yūsei, really…'_

That was a conversation they'd had too many times, especially for why his relationship had fallen apart; anyone who wanted a quiet life would be disappointed, dating somebody as recognized as Sage was. Cye had already talked to him about his own experience, the half-finalized match with a girl he'd met at university. He hadn't told the others to maintain privacy should it not work out, but Sage's worry had softened his resolve. Cye put a hand on his friend's shoulder, rubbing it gently. _'Yayoi was able to find a man with the Date name scaring off half of them. I was able to find somebody I care for and who cares for me, despite my position as head of the family so young. I'm sure you'll be fine.'_

Sage snorted. _'She's not an heiress. And you aren't currently training to compete in the Japan kendo nationals, with a chance at winning. As soon as my name becomes publicly tied to that competition, I'll be flooded with proposals.'_ His laugh was bitter. _'Maybe then I could find somebody, now that I've scared everyone in my classes off. The front I put up most certainly doesn't help matters.'_

Cye sat on the large chair, inviting Sage to sit on the arm. _'You have reason to put it up. Anyone who doesn't keep getting to know you after a polite rejection— and you are nothing if not polite— isn't worth your time.'_ He gestured to the girls' room. _'From the looks of things, Alexa puts up the same front. Maybe you'll be able to find a kindred spirit, like Rowen apparently is.'_

 _'The brothers in everything but name becoming brothers in law,'_ Sage continued with a light laugh. He exhaled, parking himself on the arm of the chair and leaning his head into Cye's. _'It sounds like a fairy tale, and if anybody should have one, it's Rowen.'_

Cye smiled despite himself. _'You are the kindest, most generous man I have ever met. I'm not sure any of us could watch the people we love move on as gracefully as you do.'_

 _'He was never mine,'_ Sage replied softly. _'I knew the moment I developed a crush he would never be mine, and you know as much as I do that was part of why I attempted suicide. After that, I vowed to never let a person's inability to be with me impact me that way again, and it helps let me know Rowen will be taken care of. If I can't have him and make his dreams come true, then I'd rather he have all his dreams fulfilled by somebody else.'_

Cye poked his chest. _'Maybe with a little help from your meddling.'_

That brought a full, bright laugh over the connection. _'I'm sure you and Kento help with that.'_

 _'Not as much as you do!'_ Cye shot back. _'I don't know_ how _you manage to get him out on dates, but Kento and I have had him go on_ maybe _two, and one of them was just inviting her out with the group and leaving them alone together at every opportunity. Meanwhile you're handily at three, all solo dates.'_

 _'I have my ways, but far too many of them involve stubbornness that rivals Kento.'_

Before he could reply that Kento tried the stubborn route— repeatedly— to only one success, Sage yawned. Cye shook his head and rubbed Sage's arm. _'Rest up. I've got the last watch, and I am_ actually _awake.'_

Sage's _'Arigato'_ was accompanied by a glance at Rowen. _'Maybe… somebody else should take the couch, tomorrow.'_

Cye nodded and detangled himself from his friend. _'We can talk about it when everyone wakes.'_

He spent the remainder of his watch working on food for seven— no small task, considering one was starved, and two might as well be starved. Pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fried rice all came together slowly. He was midway through when wakefulness came from Rekka, the yoroi flowing out to see if Cye needed any help. At 'no', it went to guard Kourin, helping replenish its light. Cye could only imagine how Sage probably needed to be held to sleep.

 _'Did something happen, overnight?'_

Cye held in what would otherwise have been an audible sigh. _'Tessa ended up falling asleep against Rowen. Alexa was so stressed by the end of Sage's watch, we had to move Tessa. Sage couldn't do anything to soothe Alexa, for how she panicked at realizing he was a healer.'_

Ryo paused. _'So basically Rowen's still exhausted, Sage's triggers are flaring up, Tessa has more going on than she's letting on, and Alexa is scared the moment something is different.'_

 _'Unfortunately, yes.'_

Ryo shook his head. _'I wish I could make some snarky comment about how Rowen has to be feeling something pretty damn strong to sleep beside somebody so unquestioningly, but… I can't help but worry.'_

 _'That's not even counting how protective Sage had been over Alexa,'_ Cye added on. _'I wish I could make some biting comment about Sage, but you're seeing the results.'_

Rekka gave the impression of a nod. _'New Bearers. It's like the War all over again. It does_ not _help Rekka didn't let me sleep for a bit, last night, like somebody was hurt. I_ swore _I heard her crying.'_

Cye suddenly wished he hadn't gotten a head start on breakfast so he could comfort his leader more effectively. _'We all know how good Rowen is at soothing those hurts. Obviously he helped, for her to have fallen asleep.'_

 _'Yeah… still.'_ His yoroi circled across the two new Bearers, trying to see if he could help. _'If Rekka can feel it loudly enough I couldn't sleep… normally it does that for Sage's darkest nights. I can't help but feel what she's going through.'_

Now Suiko joined Rekka, easing jumping sparks. _'We're all here to make sure she doesn't develop PTSD from finding out about all this. She'll be okay.'_

Rekka in turn burrowed into Suiko, shuddering from the strain of the past week coming to the surface. His triggers and coping mechanisms were fighting themselves, him not quite knowing where the line between attentive and smothering was. His natural instinct was smothering, but for how much space these girls had requested it was impossible for him to follow through on it. The faintest edges of burnout were already visible after two watch shifts, and while he could burn for much longer than he used to, it was still a warning sign.

 _'Maybe you should ask them how they want to be helped,'_ Cye said softly. _'Stop fighting with yourself that way.'_

Ryo nodded. _'Probably should. We have no idea who either of them are, really…'_

Before either could pull away, Kongo joined. _'Need a hand in the kitchen or a hug?'_

Rekka turned towards the earth yoroi. _'Should let Cye cook, since he's the one with the plan. And he made Alexa's food last time.'_

Suiko pulled back just enough she was a watchful sentinel, cooling the parts of Rekka's flames that burned too warm for earth to snuff out.

It was a few more minutes of silence before Rowen stirred. He sat up and glanced around the empty room, then at Cye. _'Is Sage…?'_

At a nod, he vanished into the guys' room. Almost immediately after, a knife-edge pressing on all the yoroi let up. Ryo and Kento left the room shortly after, giving the two brothers space. And to let Sage rest.

Kento shook his head. "You know it's bad when Sage is the last one who wants to get up."

Ryo nodded and flopped on the couch. "You know it's bad when Rowen doesn't sleep like a rock."

Cye gave a humourless smile. "We could take bets on who gets up first— the brothers or the sisters."

Kento sat beside Ryo, arm going around his shoulders. "Sage probably shouldn't take watch tomorrow. For him to be this on edge…"

Ryo snorted. "Doubt that'll go over well."

"Sage did ask one of us take the couch, other than Rowen," Cye said. "Hopefully that'll be enough."

Kongo tapped Suiko on the shoulder. _'Good thing mud makes bricks, huh?'_

That only got a morbidly amused snort. _'I'm still amazed we didn't develop PTSD, in our captivity. Even then, it's hard not to feel trapped at the thought of facing off against this cult.'_

Kento grumbled. _'I wasn't going to mention it first, but I'm glad I'm not the only one with a bad feeling about this.'_

 _'All of us do, as evident.'_ Cye diverted his focus to make coffee, now that he knew Rowen was awake and would likely want a cup once he'd helped Sage catch up on sleep at the cost of his own. _'I… wish we could be teasing those two brothers about how they seem to have found their kindred spirits with twin girls, after so long where_ both _of them are single, but right now every time they go above and beyond… all I feel is worry.'_

 _'Same here.'_

There wasn't much more to say to that, other than both of them providing a safety net for all the other traumatized yoroi of the group. Coffee was nearly done by the time Sage and Rowen came out, both of them looking significantly calmer.

Ryo took the opportunity to ease _his_ nagging worries. "Can you… tell us what happened, last night?"

Rowen exhaled and took the chair. "Tessa came out because she was struggling to sleep. She was struggling to come to terms with what all this meant about her father, in particular. I thought maybe talking about their yoroi would help, but…"

Kongo dropped out in fear. "What'd you find?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Upon realizing it was still tousled from sleep, he began finger-combing it back into place. "The book Kayura gave us seems to be Kaos' own words about their creation and powers. From what I can tell, Kinkou was meant to be a failsafe in the event the yoroi…fell into Arago's hands, or otherwise went rampant." He shook his head, dropping his hand and quieting his voice. "That…didn't sit well with her, on top of everything else she's dealing with. She cried so hard she spent all her energy, falling asleep against me. I… have to admit containing Akatsuki took what little energy I had left, near the end of my shift. I told her I'd take her back to her room once she was asleep but the minute she passed out, so did I…"

Sage sat down in the one empty chair. "I was beside Alexa from the start of my shift to when Cye carried Tessa back to her room. Alexa shifted to press against her sister practically the moment she was beside her."

Kento shook his head. "For all we got scared of our yoroi during the War, part of me wishes Kaos hadn't felt the need to drag two more people into it. We can handle ourselves."

Rowen shook his head. "From what I can tell, Kaos made it shortly after the _mashou_ fell. He was looking at the very real possibility all nine could be lost, or at least it being five against four."

Ryo dragged a hand down his face, rubbing out frown lines. "What kind of failsafe are we talking here?"

Rowen's voice turned grim. "Kinkou—and thus Kure and Akatsuki—are extensions of the same power Kaos wielded and the shakujo. So, theoretically, they'd be able to…I wouldn't say _destroy_. But they could certainly…neutralize the yoroi."

Cye paused his cooking at that revelation, the first to speak in a shrine-quiet room. "So they're… in essence, the fate of the world?"

He nodded once. "As Kaos put it—while their first purpose was to guard the yoroi, the end goal was to ensure the integrity of the ningenkai. Against _anything_ that could threaten it."

Sage narrowed his eyes, tipping his head down so his hair covered more of his face. "And one is potentially corrupted."

Ryo swallowed, old ghosts darkening Rekka. "That means Akatsuki is the only one with its original powers."

Rowen shook his head, tapping the book with a finger. "Until I finish going through this, I…can't say for sure. It could be we're simply dealing with a unique blend of cultic abilities and Ancient power, much like Kayura being both Ancient and a Bearer."

"Let's hope so," Kento said quietly. "Man, can't imagine… It's hard enough for us to hold the responsibility we do, and we knew it was coming. She didn't."

" _Neither_ of them did," Rowen replied firmly. Tenku was vehement that Alexa was just as lost as Tessa. "Again, I'm still just getting into this book, but we all know the yoroi pass down through families. What kind of twisted history did their ancestors have for things to turn out like _this_? How did something of Japanese origin end up all the way over on the American continent? And how the _hell_ did the cult get ahold of a spell that could affect _Ancient power_ , which should be its complete antithesis? Even Badamon had to use a—a _talisman_ or what have you to be able to control Kayura." He raked a hand through his hair again, this time in frustration. "None of this makes any sense!"

"Maybe that's cause you still need your coffee and breakfast," Kento quipped.

Cye had to chuckle softly. "Coffee seems to be done, but my hands are a little full to pour it."

Rowen waved it off, still grumpy but not blaming anyone else. "S'okay, I'll get it."

As he stood and came into the kitchen, Ryo leaned forward and preemptively reached for the book. "Mind if I take a look, myself?"

Rowen nonchalantly waved over his shoulder. "I'm not the only one with a brain."

Knowing that meant 'yes, please', Ryo grabbed it and opened it up. His shocked blink got everyone's attention. "He spent a long time illustrating this."

"Ah!" Rowen stepped out of the kitchen to better address everyone. "Tessa actually stumbled onto that. I was reading it in its original archaic Japanese, but she saw English. I was wondering what you all would see."

Sage leaned over to get his own glimpse. "Japanese poetry."

Kento frowned. "Looks like a light novel to me, still in Japanese."

Rowen nodded, going back to finding a mug. "I think he enchanted it to show the reader the information in the way they best understand it, since he couldn't be certain the Bearers would end up knowing Japanese."

Sage nodded. "Especially since Japanese has changed so much over the centuries. For how you can barely understand me if I'm speaking to Ojiisama."

Cye thought a moment. "Come to think of it, that's probably _why_ we could understand Kaos in the first place."

That brought a laugh from everyone, which mercifully broke the tension in the room. Ryo settled into reading, the coffee in its final stages of dripping as Rowen waited, when a door clicked open; everyone looked up as Tessa and Alexa filed out, still in their pyjamas. Alexa looked slightly better after two days of sleep and her medication. The circles around her eyes weren't as dark, and her skin had gotten some colour to it. Her jaw was still too sharp and her hands bony, but she was standing a little straighter after Sage's massage.

She still looked utterly terrified.

Her trying-to-be-casual glances around were shielded much like Sage's scans for danger, her hackles ready to spring up at the first opportunity even as she settled on the couch with Tessa beside her. The quiet didn't seem to be helping matters.

Kento picked up on it. "We made breakfast for you, if you want. There's fried rice like you had yesterday, or pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs."

"And by "we" he means "me"," Cye said with a laugh. "By the time Kento got up I was nearly done, so he just left me to it."

Kento snorted. "I spend enough time on a line to know when to avoid the kitchen."

That got a half smile out of Alexa. "So… basically, pick my carb?"

Tessa's soft laugh at Kento's comment got louder with her sister's. "Hey, there's tons of protein in there, too!" She turned to him. "I could go for the eggs, bacon, and pancakes, please."

Despite Alexa's comments on food, she wasn't making any move to get up. When everyone else had served themselves, Cye plated up both options and brought them to her, in case she couldn't make up her mind. He wanted to let her know 'both' was an option. For what little he knew about autism, he knew choice-making and an inability to intuit social rules was the norm. If her rules had been warped by trauma to the extent they seemed to be, they'd have to take the time to teach her what the rules of their group even were.

She stared at both plates in shock, glancing up at him for no more than a second. "Thanks."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "If you want something else, let us know. Kento or I can make it."

She nodded and picked up a strip of bacon to begin munching on it, swallowing slowly before putting it back down.

Leave it to Kento to break the ice. "Got any favourite foods we should know about?"

Kure flinched a bit at the wording, but Alexa herself laughed. "Potatoes. Just avoid onion and garlic and I'm good."

Cye wished he knew what it was about that wording she'd flinched at. Kento's tone had been so light, it was hard to mistake as anything but kind.

Trying to avoid an interrogation, Rowen sat down on the floor near the coffee table and asked, "What do you do for fun?"

She had to think about that, taking a bite of rice almost as if to buy time. "I… dance? If that counts as fun for how it keeps me sane. And I write. How I met her."

Well that certainly made her sound like Sage, at least. Before Cye could point it out, Sage's expert deflection skills took over. "That's one of the reasons I practice kendo. All of us, really, have a physical activity we use to help keep ourselves sharp. Kento even does lion dancing."

Her eyes went wide at that. " _Lion dancing_?"

Rowen didn't let Sage escape the parallels for long. "Sage also does ballroom, on top of kendo."

"Thanks to Rowen," Sage replied. "We both started, but I was the only one who stuck with it. Rowen went to be Kento's partner in lion dancing, instead."

"Hardly," Kento replied. "I mostly partner with Cye."

Tessa continued the dancing conversation, much to Cye's satisfaction. She swallowed and perked up. "There's a ballroom dance club at my school. I started helping out last year, but because it's cadet run it's somewhat limited in what we're able to learn or teach."

That seemed to soften Alexa considerably. "I've always wanted to try ballroom. Was so jealous of her when she found a club with no lack of partners, considering that's what held me up from ever trying…"

Tessa squeezed her sister's shoulder, otherwise silent. Sage picked up on the verbal comfort, smiling softly. "I've helped teach a few people, in my time learning, if you want to try with me."

For how women tended to fawn over him the minute he revealed he was a dancer, that offer was rarer than him taking on students in kendo. And he took on less than a single student a year.

Alexa swallowed a bite of food— only her third— and smiled. "That… yeah, I'd like that."

Kento took the opportunity to introduce his own topic. "If you want a demonstration, I can give you a lion dancing one. If Rowen or Cye's up to it." He glanced around the cramped space. "Once we get out of this hotel."

Alexa laughed. "Yeah I wouldn't want to dance here either. Lion dancing always looks cool."

Cye glanced at the ceiling. "I'd likely hit my head, with Kento's tricks. Rowen certainly would."

Rowen crossed his arms. "I'm not _that_ much taller than you."

That seemed to break up some residual tension in Kure. Once she'd finished laughing, she picked up the fried rice, wolfing down a few bites before pausing.

Ryo picked up on the ease of conversation, turning it in a new direction. "How do you feel about large animals?"

"He asks because he's best friends with a freakin' WHITE TIGER," Tessa said in a deadpan. After a pause, she added, "IN JAPAN."

Alexa lacked any of the reservation her sister had had. She looked just about bursting with excitement. "A tiger? A tame tiger?"

Ryo laughed. "As tame as a mystical creature can get."

She bounced in her chair. "I love white tigers. My curtains were white tigers!"

Tessa laughed and ruffled her sister's hair. "Hopefully you'll get to meet him soon. But we couldn't exactly take him on the plane with us."

Cye continued breaking the ice, hoping to draw a little more information out of her. "There's also an orca you could meet, if you ever visit me in Hagi."

She shivered. "Ocean water sounds cold. Although I've never seen it, let alone swum in it."

Cye smiled. "All of us live in port cities. It shouldn't be a difficult feat to see it, although I'm the only one with a beach house."

Kento picked up on her 'cold' tangent. "Cye doesn't notice the _weather_ at said beach house. He's free-dove sixty feet. In _March_."

Cye narrowed his eyes. "I had a wetsuit."

Rowen shook his head. "When most people would have dry suits."

"…Hell _sixty feet_ free diving is a feat in and of itself! I'd probably panic before I hit fifteen," Tessa said, mock shuddering.

Cye shook his head at all of their teasing. "I had Suiki— the orca's— help. It wasn't _completely_ on my own."

Ryo took a sip of water. "We think Torrent makes him part polar bear. Even if he did that dive _to_ get it."

Alexa had returned to glancing between all of them nervously, thanks to the banter. Cye had a bad feeling that would continue to be a pattern. He had a worse feeling he had no idea what to say to calm her down. The previous banter had been fine— this switch seemed sudden.

When she knew there was a gap in conversation, she spoke. "So what… _are_ your powers?"

They all looked between each other nervously, hoping this didn't push the girls over the edge. Seeing as he was the last to talk about what he could do, Cye was the first to respond. "Water manipulation, primarily. It's extended over the years to manipulation of water temperature."

Ryo gave one of his trademark relaxed smiles that disarmed everyone around him. "Mine's pretty easy to guess— Wildfire. I've been able to work on changing temperature, too."

Kento tapped his foot for emphasis. "As long as my feet are on the ground, I have an awesome sense of direction." He hooked a thumb at the others, lighthearted teasing in Kongo. "Based on what they've all been able to figure out, I'll probably be able to work with earth, eventually. For now, I just have a green thumb."

"I'm of the opinion Hardrock thickened his skull a bit, too," Rowen shot back.

Kento cracked his knuckles. "We can test that theory with my fists, if you'd like."

Talk of violence just made Kure retreat even farther from the others. Rowen changed tracks from continuing his discussion to reassuring Alexa. "We're just teasing. He knows he could punch all he likes, but he'll never bust through Strata's shields. I could also just knock him off his feet with a well-placed gust of air, or fly just over his head and taunt him."

Rowen grinned that he'd still gotten his dig in. Kento, meanwhile, pouted at the reminders. Alexa still looked scared, unsure, and on edge. While they had experience with others being nervous around banter, they hadn't seen somebody be quite so skittish before.

Sage took the conversation off that track, back to the original topic. "I also work with lightning and light. Over the years, Halo has learned how to ease nightmares."

Alexa finally took a deep breath. "Dusk's are a combination of Wildfire's and Halo's. I'd snap my fingers for you, but…"

Now it was Tessa's turn to be uneasy. Before she could say anything, Ryo chuckled. "Don't want to burn the hotel down. Been there, know that feeling."

Tessa poked at her food. "What… Does the book say…?"

Rowen glanced up at her, softening. "Your powers are opposites. You would, in theory, have powers around ice and cold, possibly darkness."

She blinked and pointed to Alexa. "If either of us were to control darkness, it'd be her."

Alexa, as a reply, put her plate down and spread her hands apart to reveal a curtain of shadow, barely visible, between her hands like a fine mesh veil. Sage's spine straightened upon seeing it, but she didn't notice. "I… used it to hide. But it works to amplify light in the space, so…"

Sage gave a slow nod. "Mine… is more direct light manipulation, instead."

Kento tilted his head. "So, you might sort of be an in between of Sage's and Cale's powers?"

Alexa hadn't truly backed down from her nerves, and the more this conversation went on, the more visible they were becoming. She'd still barely touched her food. Rowen continued Kento's topic, partially oblivious, partially wanting to fill in all the gaps the two girls didn't know, partially to ease _Sage_. "He was Sage's polar opposite. It… lead to conflict."

That was more than enough poking at wounds. Cye turned to Alexa directly, softening his tone until he was certain it was his least threatening EMT voice. "Is something on your mind?"

She shook her head defensively. "N-not particularly hungry, s'all…"

Cye's heart cracked. How much had she been chided for eating slowly that his question was taken as an affront to those habits?

Tessa put an arm around her shoulders. "Nervous?"

Alexa simply nodded.

Cye kept going down that path, now that he had confirmation. "Do you want to talk about anything? Sage's father and a close friend are a police officers, and I've responded to a few emergency calls that required police examinations, later."

"And I'll be right there with you, come hell or high water," Tessa added.

Alexa shivered oh so subtly. "I just don't know what they're going to do."

Cye kept the same tone. "Want me to go over it?"

She nodded.

As he explained the process of how they'd take pictures and document her injuries, she was able to get in at least a few more bites of breakfast. What seemed to help the most was offering to interview the nurse for her, to make sure the exam would be given by somebody with trauma experience. Sage and Tessa, whose mother was a police officer, filled in the process of what would likely happen as she gave her statement.

Midway through, as Alexa looked about ready to run at the thought she'd be alone for hours with unfamiliar people, Rowen asked if she had some sort of comfort object she could use. She nodded and decided to bring her stuffed toy, under the guise it was Tessa's.

They left once Alexa was finished eating, still with a half-full plate, and Cye only hoped this was as painless as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings:** Stalking

* * *

 _Chapter 10_

—T—

Things started off…interesting, at the police station.

The deputy at the desk seemed surprised to see our large group troop through the doors—even _more_ surprised that one of them was Alexa, especially after pulling her missing persons report. Eyeing the five men fanned out behind the two of us, he reached for the intercom to call a detective out.

"Maybe bring someone else…or two…with you," he'd suggested in a mutter, though not quietly enough I couldn't catch it.

Two detectives walked out fifteen minutes later. One was a redhead with angular features who looked like he could have been a WWE wrestler at some point; the other was a polite blonde with silver-rimmed glasses who, oddly, reminded me of Riza Hawkeye from _Fullmetal Alchemist_. After introductions and my initial bare-bones explanation why we were there, carrot-top—Caleb something or other—raised an eyebrow at the Ronin.

"And you are…?"

"Friends," Ryo answered.

"We're sisters," I clarified, gesturing to Alexa.

The detectives shared a look. "Different last names?"

I sighed, long-suffering. "It's…a long story."

"Does it have anything to do with why you're here?" Detective Rene Hogue guessed.

"That has…everything to do with it, actually."

If only they knew the half of it.

With those pleasantries out of the way, next they suggested we split up to make this lengthy process a bit faster. As much as separating didn't quite sit right with us…we would find out they were absolutely right.

So we decided Alexa, Cye, and myself would head for the local hospital with Detective Hogue while Sage, Kento, Ryo, and Rowen began giving their statements. (I winced at hearing the man utterly butcher Sage's name with a Western pronunciation.)

Despite slightly relaxing at seeing that she would be coming with us, Alexa still noticeably tensed the moment we drove up to the building. It only got worse the further into the place we walked. I laced my fingers through hers reassuringly; though she hesitated for a moment, she soon returned the gesture, practically glued to my side.

Cye's strong back was an equally reassuring view in front of us, where he walked while talking quietly with our escort. I caught snippets of the conversation and felt some weight lift from my shoulders—he was making sure they would find a nurse with the proper training, as promised earlier. The same, I assumed, went for any doctor involved.

It took half an hour to find someone Cye would approve. Alexa's nervousness translated to insisting no, it was fine, really, we didn't need to go through this much effort—first after waiting ten minutes, then slowly turning into every three minutes or so. Torrent simply insisted right back, with a gentle smile in blue-green eyes as warm as tropical water.

When we rejoined him outside the exam room an hour later, Alexa was clinging to her old stuffed leopard so tightly I was surprised its neck hadn't suffered a tear. The only sign she'd cried at hearing they needed an X-ray for her arm was a faint red rim around the whites of her eyes.

The Ronin had taken up post in the hallway, sitting in a wooden chair he'd pulled from another room. He stood as we exited. At the questioning look that wondered what the verdict was—the detective was still conferring with the doctor—I said softly, "Numerous bruises, likely concussion and bruised wrist, possible sprained ankle and broken forearm…" I rubbed Alexa's arm, where I'd looped mine around her to support her. "They want X-rays to know for sure."

Nodding, he slid one hand into a pocket and turned to my sister. "How are you holding up?"

She could only swallow, too drained just by the exam to really respond with any words. Cye's eyes, already sympathetic, filled with compassion. Withdrawing his armor orb—to anyone else, simply an oversized marble—he asked, "Want to take it with you?"

Nodding tearfully, she quickly accepted it. "Thanks…"

He smiled, carefully laying a hand on her shoulder. Torrent said he had wanted to rest it on her head—a gesture of brotherly affection—but waited for her permission before doing so. Dusk replied positively with a hint of feeling starstruck by the notion.

I couldn't hide a smile, either, feeling warm as I watched the exchange.

Alexa held onto the little sphere the remainder of our time at the hospital. Thankfully, due to the police investigation behind it, they expedited the process of getting her into radiology.

We came out half an hour later with confirmed fracturing in her ulna, and bruising in her wrist and ankle, but thankfully nothing worse. All the same, however, they'd told us to keep an eye on her for any signs of concussion after the fact—although with how much had time had passed since the initial injury, she was probably in the clear.

That didn't change the emotional impact of it all. After being told she should have her arm casted as a precaution, the mask of strength shattered and melted into a panic attack. A glance from me was all Cye needed to usher the doctor into the hall; fifteen minutes later, he and a nurse returned with a soft removable brace.

As we piled into the van, Alexa tried to return Torrent to its Bearer; Cye, however, simply smiled and folded her hand around it. "I won't need it for a while."

A little wide-eyed, she slowly settled back in her seat, turning the orb over quietly.

Kento was the only one in the waiting area when we arrived, lounging in an oversized chair and idly flipping through a magazine. He looked up and stood with a small wave as we came in. "Hey. Did it go alright?"

Alexa shrinking in on herself the slightest was all the answer he needed. As Cye had earlier, his features softened. "Need a hug?"

She nodded, unfolding a little to hold her toy in one hand and Torrent in the other while getting her arms around Kento's wide girth. My sister nearly disappeared against him, with the size difference.

"Hey now, save some space for me," Ryo joked, strolling up toward the group. A third police officer—this one uniformed—followed along behind him.

Before Alexa could completely pull away from Kento to give Wildfire his own hug, the armors impressed that a sandwich-style hug was more than acceptable.

Once she'd soaked up as much of the affection as she could in a short minute or two, she withdrew and turned toward Rene. I gave her one last hug, with a reassuring squeeze, before following the uniformed deputy into the bowels of the station for my own interview.

Said interview turned out to be a grueling, headache-inducing affair. Part of me was thankful for the long process of going through everything I could possibly recall about what had landed us where we were. In an almost oddly morbid way, it forced me to sort through exactly _what_ it was that had happened. Another part, however, squirmed at reliving the very same. Yet a third chewed metaphorical nails as the lies to cover for the armors slipped past my tongue, heart pounding with fear that a single unthinking comment might topple the house of cards.

But at least by the time I walked out of there, exhausted and with my back aching from sitting in the uncomfortable metal chair, I wasn't thinking about all the troubles that had kept me up last night.

All the Ronin had returned to the waiting room by then—three hours later. We'd spent nigh on six hours dealing with the whole process, and even the guys were showing the effects. The remains of Kento's lunch run for everyone piled high in the corner trash can, while the five sprawled across various pieces of furniture. Ryo, Cye, and Kento sat in chairs close together; the latter had fallen asleep with his head tilted against its back, lightly snoring. Rowen and Sage had taken to sharing the one loveseat in the room.

My stride halted mid-pace, struck with a thought.

Someone in kendo class had mentioned the rumor that Sage had a boyfriend.

And here they were, Sage's head leaned against Rowen's—and Rowen with an arm looped behind his shoulders.

It shouldn't have bothered me, I told myself. Why did I have reason to be…whatever this sudden rush of feeling in my chest and throat was? If…if they _were_ …together… No; no, it didn't matter. I had someone, too.

Someone I'd been neglecting.

Suddenly it struck me why I had had inklings of not feeling right about staying on the couch with Rowen last night. Whether Rowen was committed or not, it basically felt like I'd cheated on my boyfriend. _'If Michael ever found out…!'_ After a split second of panic, imagining that, I physically shook off the thought. _'Well, he won't. Nothing happened, and Rowen's…'_

Finishing that thought still felt oddly difficult. Determined to prove myself wrong—about what, exactly, I couldn't have said—I turned on a heel to find an empty interrogation room.

There were a couple phone calls I needed to make.

The first and in many ways easier one went to Michael. I seemed to have caught him in a good mood; despite hearing my worst nightmare had come true, but five unrelated males had helped me resolve the situation, and despite that I had forgotten to call before now, he was remarkably sympathetic.

"I am so sorry, my dove," he responded. "If only Japan wasn't so far away, I could have helped. I would have happily paid for your ticket back. I would have met you when you landed, and—"

I laughed lightly, touched by the sincerity in his words. "Oh, Michael, you're so sweet! But really, I'm fine, now. Hopefully with the police involved, now, everything'll be okay."

After a few more minutes spent insisting no, I was fine, and he really needn't feel guilty about being unable to help, we exchanged a bit of small talk before hanging up. I allowed myself to bask in the warmth of having that situation resolved, before sighing.

Next…was my father.

Some small part of me, as I navigated my phone contacts, said I should just wait until both Alexa and I could talk to him at once. But at the moment I did not relish walking back out into the waiting room, and a brief check on Dusk's aura said she was still liable to be in questioning for another while. Long enough, at least, to get in this one call. And the Ronin _were_ right—he did deserve the heads up.

I tapped the call button.

After five or six rings, I almost thought maybe I could get away with a voicemail. Just before I would have hung up and tried again later—or not—however, the phone clicked. "Hey, sweetie!"

"Hey, Dad," I replied with cheerfulness I didn't feel. "How's it going?"

"Oh, pretty good. Things are normal here. What's up? How's Japan?"

I winced; the enthusiasm in his tone only made what I was about to deliver that much more difficult to inflict. "G-Great! Although, well…um…" I couldn't decide if his patient silence was more considerate or nerve-wracking. Eventually, though, I managed to get the words past my teeth. "I'm…not in Japan at the moment."

Dad's puzzlement was clearly evident. "Oh? What do you mean?" During the long moments I tried to put a sentence together, he guessed, "Is there some kind of field trip they're taking you on?"

Even though he couldn't see it, I shook my head automatically. "N-No, it's…" I inhaled to steady myself. "Alexa got kidnapped and Sage and his friends flew out with me to Canada and we're in the police station giving statements now."

I waited with baited breath for the explosion I had been anticipating. Long seconds ticked by, and I almost feared he would or had already hung up.

"She what?"

I had not quite expected the dread that lurked behind affected shock and inquisitiveness.

"She was kidnapped," I repeated—voice suddenly quiet and haunted, as I recalled exactly how I'd known. "Dad I was on the phone with her and—and—"

"Is she okay?"

The hurried concern that tumbled out was another surprise to me. Worrying my bottom lip between my teeth, I murmured. "She's…she's safe. We found her, Dad."

His sigh—of relief?—was a cacophony of feedback in the mic. Neither of us quite seemed to know what to say next, however; in the oppressive silence, I casually scanned the cinderblock-walled room.

Suddenly remembering I was in a place meant to record every detail of what happened within, I was exceedingly glad _not_ to have mentioned anything about the armors, yet. Thankful for the excuse not to face that exponentially difficult topic, I managed to relax a smidge. "So…we were thinking… When we finish what we need to here, can we… Can I come home?"

The response was almost too quick. "Of course, hon. We can figure everything out then."

I laughed, choosing to look at that very differently than how my gut told me he meant it. "Well, we might want to at least have sleeping arrangements figured out," I teased. "We'll have five guys in tow. Even with Kaden at that internship, it'll be a tight squeeze."

"Well, we have the couch and your brother's room, and I'm sure we can scrounge up a couple sleeping bags and an air mattress," Dad reassured with a light chuckle. "As long as they don't mind sleeping on the floor, there should be space. Your sister can share your room."

I bit down hard on the retort that Rowen could sleep in the barn, for all I cared, halfway through opening my mouth to say it.

He _did_ know!

The words were out before I could really think them. "Why didn't you _tell_ me she was my sister?"

A too-long pause was all I needed to know. Eventually, he heaved a bone-weary sigh. His words trudged on like the steps of a moose that had been dogged by wolves for countless miles. "I… Tessa, I'm sorry. I…know it wasn't fair of me to keep that from you so long. I meant to tell you—but then it just…never happened."

Everything I'd wondered about his involvement in the cult came back to me—but instead of pouring fuel on the fire, somehow, the anger simply went up in smoke. "Dad…"

"I understand if…you hate me for that. If you don't want to come home, I'll understand that, too," he said, voice a strange mix of warmth and sadness.

"No, Dad, no," I replied quickly, feeling my throat start to close with emotion. "I—I'm sure you probably had your reasons. I know you've always tried your best, and you love—love us _both_. I don't know what happened back then. Maybe knowing it makes a difference, maybe not. But…I still love you, too. And I know Alexa will, too." The flood of emotions leaving deflated me. "We just…all need some time, I guess."

The pause on the other end of the line sounded like he might have nodded. "Okay… Then…I'll still pull out the old sleeping bags?"

I laughed softly, a smile lingering on my lips. "Yeah… Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, sweetie," he said, equally soft. "I'm glad you're all safe."

"Love you," I murmured.

"Love you, too. See you when you get here."

What could have been oppressive silence after we disconnected didn't get a chance to manifest. Wildfire hovered close about Dawn, and the temperature in the vicinity of the door had risen noticeably. Shaking off the surprise that one of them had followed me, I _did_ nevertheless appreciate the protective feeling the armor radiated.

Opening the door revealed its Bearer leaning against the wall, regaining his feet as I stepped out. Pale blue eyes scanned me up and down, noting a more relaxed stance with the weight I'd been carrying at least partially removed. He offered a small smile. "Hey. Just…wanted to make sure you were okay."

I nodded warily, tucking my phone back in my pocket. How much had he heard? "I'm fine."

Part of me wanted to explain the conversation with Dad…but the other half that knew it wasn't over didn't feel like sharing. One step forward only reminded me there were still nine hundred ninety-nine more to go in the journey of a thousand miles.

Ryo gave me a look that I thought might have said he suspected those were my thoughts; but the finality and calmness of my answer gave him little room to pry. A little guilty that I'd stonewalled him so thoroughly, and at no move from him to head back to the waiting room, I tucked a lock of hair behind one ear and cleared my throat. "Thanks for coming to check on me."

Now the smile bloomed with genuine feeling. "Iie, tondemo desu," he replied with a hint of mirth.

I laughed at that, lightly cuffing him on the arm. "You sound like Sage."

His laugh echoed through the hall; a passing uniformed cop eyed him uncertainly. "Couldn't resist. You looked like you needed the joke."

"Hardy har har, you clown, you." Scrunching up my nose in halfhearted annoyance, I stuck my tongue out at him.

Ryo simply chuckled, then turned his attention toward the end of the hallway. Wildfire indicated Dawn should follow, pointed in the direction of Dusk's aura. It was much easier to do, this time, having had ample opportunity in the past couple days to adjust to the sensations. Dusk felt dangerously close to collapse, her energy weak and trembling in the connection.

I checked my watch. By now, my sister had been giving her statement for three and a half hours. "Alexa's not done, yet? I know a lot happened. But to talk for _this_ long…"

"I think she's _almost_ done," the Ronin said quietly.

"She better be," I muttered worriedly.

I turned on a heel and hurried down the corridor, hearing his footsteps following behind. Luckily, we turned the corner just as a door swung open. Rene stepped out first, followed by my twin. She paused, head swinging toward the other end of the corridor as she tried to figure out which way to go. Her growing tension was visible in her spine and the audible hitch of her breath.

Then she turned her head toward me, and everything dissipated in a sharp exhale.

I plastered a relieved, half-cocky grin on my face as we quickly walked toward each other. "Hey, sis. Need a hug?"

The only reply I needed was the immediate glomp I received. I wrapped my arms tightly around her wiry frame, letting her hook hers around my neck and bury her face in my shoulder. Alexa sniffled shortly after; I rubbed her back soothingly, allowing Dawn to radiate safety and love. Ryo and Rene both kept a respectful distance, pretending not to watch too closely—but Wildfire was an ever-present warmth around our armors.

In return, Dusk gave off the impression of wanting to get _away_ from the police station—or at least the room she'd just left. I couldn't say I blamed her. Three and a half hours in one room would do that to a person.

"C'mon," I encouraged. "Let's leave."

As we parted, Alexa glanced over my shoulder in Ryo's direction. Her eyes went wide, and then—without warning—she collapsed.

Ryo and, surprisingly, Cye were there in a heartbeat to help me lower her to the floor; I had barely managed to slip one arm under hers and brace my legs to keep from falling over. Likewise, Torrent and Wildfire both poured energy into propping up Dusk.

"Are you hurt?" the brunet asked in a gentle murmur.

She could only shake her head, curling up against the both of them where they now held her. Her body trembled with exhaustion, tears tracking down her cheeks.

My heart broke.

I quickly knelt with them, framing her in on three sides as I laid a firm hand on her back, hoping it would provide something real for her to hold onto. "It's alright, sis. Everything's gonna be okay. We're all here for you."

Words flashed past overhead between the two other armors, faint snatches of "flashback" and "panic" somewhere in the conversation. "Do you want one of us to carry you back?" Ryo suggested gently.

Clinging tightly to Cye, who was immediately in front of her, she nodded. He carefully hooked his arms under her legs, instructing her to hang onto his neck to steady her while he stood. When he did, he made it look easy, even if Alexa hardly weighed just over one hundred pounds.

As he and Ryo turned to leave, Rene tapped me on the shoulder. "I could tell this was…very hard on her," she said. "We would have liked to ask her for some more information, but what we do have is more than enough to start investigating."

Mixed relief at hearing that and anxiousness at potentially being away from Alexa for even a second caused me to glance at the departing trio. "Ok. You have our contact information if you need more, later?"

The detective nodded, extending a hand for me to shake. "Take care of yourselves."

I nodded, quickly clasping it in return. "You, too. Thank you so much."

With a warm smile, she turned to walk further into the station.

A quick half-jog easily caught me up with the guys before they could round the corner out of sight. Seconds later, we walked into the lobby as Sage, Rowen, and Kento stood to welcome us back. At this point, Alexa's breathing had gone from uneven to low sobs to near hyperventilation.

Kento took one look at her and immediately looked crestfallen. "Oh dear…"

"She's exhausted," Cye murmured.

Something about the way he said it, however, seemed to convey another meaning to the other men. Sage was the first to step forward as Torrent shifted his grasp on my sister. The moment he lifted a hand to try to comfort her, however, Alexa flinched and hid against Cye's chest.

I could empathize with the faint flash of guilty hurt that crossed his tired face, even as I ran a hand over Alexa's hair to soothe her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rowen clasp the blond's shoulder. "Let me try, Sage."

Curious, I watched with only some unease as he moved closer, hand hovering just above the curve of her neck and shoulder without quite touching. Strata's energy carefully moved through his hand and into the air in its immediate vicinity—but beyond that, I honestly had no idea _what_ he was trying to do.

The whole room felt as if it were holding its breath; not so much the people, but the air itself. An eerie calm grew in my ears aside from Alexa's harsh breathing. Then, slowly, even that began to change. It wasn't until a few minutes had passed, though, that it hit me.

This energy was the stillness of night, the utter quiet of space. Strata was controlling the amount of air—and thus oxygen—Alexa's lungs could take in, helping her regulate her breathing until it matched the rest of the ambience.

Wordlessly, Torrent now reached out. A gentle tide washed through the armors, wrapping Dusk in a cool embrace that reminded me of the old water bed my dad had had when I was a child. Ryo hesitantly lifted a hand, Wildfire similarly moving to provide a tiny haven of warmth, but almost instantly withdrew when the earlier tension in her back returned. Kento laid a sympathetic hand on his leader's shoulder—Hardrock had slowly been building a foundation as strong as those of a mountain beneath Alexa's armor almost the whole time.

Her quiet voice abruptly broke the peace that had fallen. "This is real?"

Sage was the one to answer, even before I could open my mouth. "It is. You're not there."

A sharp sob escaped, releasing with it a portion of the pain that had been locked behind chains of terror. Cye carefully carried her to the couch as both that wave of feeling and her shaking dissipated. Careful of her dangling feet, he settled down and moved a hand to support her back.

I plopped down heavily beside them as Alexa said, with the quickness of a sudden realization, "I'm so sorry…"

Lifting a hand to ruffle her hair—it was a gesture she would know meant she didn't need to apologize, because we _wanted_ to help—I reassured, "You're fine, sis. You're allowed to break when it's too much."

She shook her head, clearly wanting to say something although her vocal chords could only manage "I…" Dusk filled in context, circling to impressions of flinching away from light.

Rowen retrieved his phone, tapping on the screen a few times before kneeling to show it to her.

He'd opened up a notepad app. A place she could type out her thoughts when words were otherwise physically out of reach.

Hesitantly, she accepted it; equally hesitantly, she typed, 'I associate light so strongly with my mom it… reminds me…'

I could only catch the faintest ripple of unease across the Ronin armors at that bit of a bombshell dropped in their midst. Almost as if it hadn't happened, though, they circled up supportively around the couch. Sage said, "You can desensitize yourself on your own time."

Alexa merely swallowed and closed her eyes, letting that roll over her like water on a canvas. After a moment, though still feeling apologetic, she at least nodded to acknowledge that.

Kento was next to speak, lightening his voice to try and break the gloomy atmosphere. "Maybe we should try to find somewhere nice and quiet to relax, for a while."

"What about Chapters? There should be one around here somewhere, I'd think."

Some life returned to her hollowed countenance. Perking up at that suggestion, she nodded. "Starbucks, too."

I grinned—partly with relief to see Alexa positively anticipating the idea. "So, anyone up for Starbucks and a trip to the bookstore?"

Kento's smirk only widened, his elbow jabbing hard enough into Rowen's chest that some air escaped. "You just said the magic words for Mister Bookworm over here."

Alexa's voice sounded hoarse from all the talking she had already done today. "Starbucks is usually _in_ Chapters."

"I think you just described Rowen's heaven," Sage said, eyeing the blue-haired Ronin out of the corner of his eye.

Cye's snort sounded suspiciously like laughter. "What do you mean? He's _always_ in heaven."

Rowen shot everyone a dirty look as actual laughter rippled through the group, crossing his arms and pouting. "I hate you all."

Ryo took the liberty of clarifying Cye's joke for Alexa. _"Rowen's armour lets him fly, so he's always in the heavens. His armor's attack is even 'heavenly cut'."_

 _"If we're getting technical, 'Tenku' most directly translates as 'heaven', also,"_ Rowen added, mock anger forgotten.

I could practically see the stars of curiosity in her eyes. _"I love learning other languages."_

I had to laugh a little at that shared sentiment. "Well, c'mon! Maybe we can pick up some language books at the store—or maybe not, since we'll probably devour them before even leaving." Rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly, I caveated, "At least, that's how it typically goes for me…"

Kento ruffled my hair affectionately, despite my halfhearted protests. "Sounds like a certain someone I know. When I met him, I had to physically pry a book out of his hands to get him to start talking to me," he said, with a wink to me and casting a very unapologetic grin at Rowen.

The archer glared, before moving toward the door and demanding lightly, "So? Are we going already or not?"

Sage pulled out the van keys, dangling them by a finger. "I think all our bookshelves need replenishing."

Hardrock snorted in amusement. "What do you mean? Rowen has enough books on his shelves to fill our entire apartment. I think we'll be good for a while." Side-eyeing Rowen with a smirk, he asked rhetorically, "Isn't that right, Ro?"

Rowen narrowed his eyes and mimed rolling his sleeves. A split second later he was chasing Kento out of the station, as the rest of us laughed and more slowly followed them out.

—A—

Every Chapters had its own quirks to the layout. Stationery usually took up a decent amount of floor space, young adult was near the children's area, adult fantasy and sci fi was grouped near literature, and the remaining genres were stuffed across the space. Starbucks was always close enough to the door to get its own entrance, even if the seating area left something to be desired.

It was still familiar enough for me, and the fact fast food menus were unchanging left me parked at a table with something safe.

I'd told Tessa to go explore the store herself— she hadn't wanted anything at Starbucks, and truth be told I didn't want her to get tired of me. Paranoia didn't die easily, not after I'd had _so_ many breakdowns and had needed so much help in just a few days.

Rowen, Cye, and Kento had left to go find her shortly after their drinks were ready, leaving me alone with Sage, Ryo, and a breakfast sandwich.

"I prefer the ones I make myself," I said after swallowing. "But sometimes I just don't want to cook."

Ryo laughed. "Kento can tell you all about that. He works _at_ a restaurant and he probably orders takeout more than Rowen."

I smiled but otherwise stayed quiet, Kento a bordering on dangerous unknown. I'd only talked to him once, really, at the hotel. Even though he'd temporarily helped ground me after my panic attack that, if anything, made me distrust him more. Anyone who could exert control over Dusk, even the smallest amount, got a healthy dose of animosity.

They seemed to respect words didn't quite work correctly. I _still_ felt terrible they'd both tried to comfort me and had failed because light just gave her a beacon to spot me with, just let her see all the wounds on my soul and grind salt in them. She'd taught me to protect myself with light but I always had nightmares after those lessons, always felt her snaking her way into my dreams.

I hadn't been able to explain it that way, of course. And now I felt locked into my previous description of it.

At least I felt better with food in me.

Sage caught me scanning the shelves and keeping an eye on them to see if it was alright to leave. "Anything in particular you want to get?"

I pointed towards the notebooks. "That."

They stood and Ryo took my trash to a nearby bin, leaving me to pick up my drink and not have to do anything. The thought made me uneasy, me still feeling suspended in the air and not quite realizing a net had slowed my fall. I felt like it would go snap at any minute, dropping me the remainder of the way to the ground.

Not just Ryo, but Cye, had come to see me. _Tessa_ had come to see me. When I hadn't remembered how to get out of the station and wasn't sure Rene would stay with me, they had been right there.

Nobody had ever been right there before. Not _coming_ to me.

I tried to put it out of my mind as I browsed through the collection of notebooks that ranged from beautiful with inspirational quotes and lined paper to simple, plain black sketchbooks I hadn't noticed before. It had been awhile since I was at Chapters, and I kept turning over reasons why I was here. If my words kept not working, and the police were going to need statements…

Sage was browsing the shelves near me, also looking at blank notebooks. "I always find these better for poetry."

I nodded, picking up a relatively portable size. "Or just… getting all unstructured thoughts out."

He glanced down at me. "What are you thinking of using it for?"

"Writing statements," I murmured. "I have a notebook for random thoughts and obsessions already but I'd rather just. Start a new one, after everything. Then I can just give it to the police."

He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I smiled slightly and tucked the book against my chest, going over to where Ryo was browsing the particularly decorative covers.

He picked up one that had a certain wanderlust feel to it, in leather, and leafed through the pages. "Might be nice to have for photography."

I blinked. "You take pictures?"

He nodded. "I picked it up in high school, to try and… make the world feel more real, y'know? And to make the guys feel closer. I'd done it for awhile to… feel closer to my dad, and after… I found use for it myself."

I quirked a smile. "I tried to get into photography. Never got very good at it."

Ryo chuckled. "I'm not that good at it, either. My dad's professional and I could never be that good. I just like doing it."

Sage glanced over. "You'd have to turn that book sideways."

He laughed. "Or I just ignore the lines! Teachers hated me."

I blinked. Again.

Ryo smiled at me. "Japan's paper is lined vertically, or grid. And I've got really, really bad handwriting. Never could quite get the hang of school. Although Sage is really the only one of us with _good_ handwriting. Mister Calligrapher."

That got Sage to snort. "Ojiisama insisted I learn that skill as soon as I could hold a pencil. He had me taught in such a way I could try for my _shihan_ examinations— to mark mastery— if I had the interest."

It was hard to know if I should laugh or not. "I always had really bad handwriting until my mom forced me to practice it until it was _somewhat_ passable. Even in grade school I had extra worksheets cause it was so bad."

Ryo clasped my shoulder. "You're in good company, with bad writing here. I've gotten those worksheets, too."

I hadn't been touched so much ever. I… kinda liked all the contact, having been so alone the past year. At the same time I didn't know what to _say_ next, didn't know which of the two to speak to or how they'd take it, if they had such contradicting experiences.

I settled for quietly drifting away to the pink notebooks. They had some pretty quotes on them, this time, all about dreams and fairytales. I'd never bothered with dreamer notebooks. The concept of dreaming felt thoroughly poisoned, for how every dream turned into some spiritual goal.

But, this week, both my worst nightmares and my wildest dreams had come true.

Sage seemed to pick up on my thoughts. "Were you thinking of getting another?"

I shrugged. "It's… I probably wouldn't use them, honestly, for how I have a personal notebook for a few days then I forget it and lose it."

He pulled one notebook off the shelves, one that said "it all begins with a dream" in rose gold typewriter font, the cover pink swirls on white, like ink diffusing in water, and gold splatters on it like more ink had been spilled. He opened it and showed me the inside. "It's refillable— you could make it blank."

I licked my lips and took it from his hands. The ruled pages were plain white, the notebook inside the cover spiral bound with a pocket, and there was plenty of space for writing. "It's pretty."

"Have you ever had a place to write out your dreams?"

I looked down. "Sort… of…"

He waited patiently for me to finish my thought.

I took a breath. "They were always. Financial. Things-based. I'd never… really dreamed of anything other than promotions and _maybe_ a significant other."

He gestured to the book still open in my hands. "Now you can dream of family and write it down so you don't forget."

I swallowed and nodded, closing the book before I got tears on it.

Ryo was still browsing various wandering type notebooks. I went back to the sketch area and picked up some fine liners, preferring their lines to anything else and not wanting to waste my artistic pens. I kept an eye out by force of pure habit, noticing a guy who had been in Starbucks and was now in the stationery department. Not wanting to take this whole trip up for myself, and wanting to break my pattern, I glanced at Sage. "Is there anything you want to go look at?"

He laughed softly. "I don't suppose there'd be a poetry section here, would there?"

On the way to try and find it, Ryo split off to be with Kento and Cye who had gone off on their own— leaving my sister with Rowen. "Guess the two language-learners drove off the others."

Sage shook his head with a small smile. "This… might have something to do with me, actually."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Cye and Kento both enjoy languages, themselves— Rowen learned Cantonese and Mandarin from Kento, and Cye's picking it up just living around the two." He cleared his throat. "I… may or may not have suggested to Rowen he could have a friend in Tessa, and I've been trying to use Rowen to show Tessa she could be treated much better."

That made me chuckle. "I've been using _you_ to do the same thing!"

" _What_?" he said through a barked out laugh.

"She told me about how you offered to help, before… this." I looked away self-consciously, not wanting to dwell on it. "I told her a boyfriend shouldn't keep making her cry and that you'd dried her tears even though you hardly knew me or her, and he'd known of me for awhile."

His chuckle was still in his voice. "I believe your sister would do much better with Rowen. As lovely as she is, I don't have any particular interest in her. And knowing Rowen the way I do, I know he's head over heels for her."

I paused at that. Boyfriend rumours. Him being gay would certainly explain him not being interested in my sister— I had told her for years she was a wonderful catch, and she'd eventually find her prince charming. After having thought Sage would be the one to be my ideal setup, for how _kind_ he had been, I felt myself feeling the need to ask, "Any particular reason?"

He hesitated before shaking his head, small smile on his lips. "I suppose I deserve that question, for how I've purposely muddied my orientation." He took a breath. "I am interested in both women and men, but with how Tessa came into my life as a student and sister, I feel a more familial affection towards her."

Well, if he'd opened that door, I was going to take a certain amount of advantage. "So the boyfriend rumours?"

That smirk was downright devilish. "After I developed a… fanclub, of sorts, in high school and now university, I wanted to deflect attention. Rowen and I pretend to date, even though we feel more like brothers in everything but name. I had a crush on him for a long time, and I'd like to see him find somebody who will cherish him the way I do. It's the least I can do, to repay him. I'll even pretend to date my ex boyfriend, if Rowen isn't available. We're still friends. And I want to make sure both men receive the people they deserve."

I smiled at that. "You sound like me. I… _did_ have a crush on Tessa, for awhile, and want the best for her. I want to repay her for all the kindness and acceptance she's shown me, too." I glanced up at him. "I'm bi. For the record."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm out to all the guys. You'll be fine." The twinkle in his eye when he looked at me promised absolute _havoc_ , and I found myself thrilled at the prospect. "So I can have your help in at least showing how good a man Rowen is?"

I grinned back. "Sounds perfect to me."

"After Tessa ended up sobbing in the dojo…" Sage said quietly. "I couldn't just let her stay with him, and I hardly know the man."

I lifted my lip. "She always downplays how much he hurts her to me, because I ask her when they're breaking up every time she does. He reminds me too much of my mom, and I _don't_ say that lightly."

I caught a snag in my throat that 'my' mom was 'our' mom, but I stuffed it down. Sage rubbed my upper back, easing the tension. "We'll help, don't worry. He won't have her for long, if he's as dismissive as he was in Japan."

" _Before_ Japan," I muttered. "He hated that she was going to be away from him for a summer."

That got Sage to bristle.

I nodded. "He 'warmed up' to the idea when she explained it was a continuation of her fencing career. I didn't like how fast he warmed up."

"Perhaps if he knew my _qualifications_ he would have spoken differently," Sage said darkly. "Or if he's as insecure as he seems, he would have had a worse reaction."

That got the sparks of an idea forming. "Wonder if that can be arranged…" At Sage's raised eyebrow in my direction, I continued. "Having him visit and you flatter her in his presence. See how he reacts. If, that is, she still is on the fence about breaking up with him."

Sage thought for a moment. I tried to ignore my rising paranoia in the silence. "I don't suppose _you_ would be up to flattering _him_ , to compare the reactions."

I smirked. " _That_ can be arranged." Not wanting to dwell on this topic much longer, I tried to come up with a continuation to fill the silence. Something still felt off and I looked at the shelves in the hopes to find something. "Why'd you get into poetry?"

Sage picked up an unfamiliar name and read the back of the book. "Sometimes, it's the only way my thoughts can be in order. I… don't feel like my emotions are real unless I can project them out. The same reason Ryo dove into photography to help his PTSD, I dove into poetry to help mine."

"I'm the same," I said quietly. "Although I don't read much of it."

He put the book down, picking up another. "Maybe we can share whatever collection looks interesting."

"I'd—"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the same man.

My breathing slowed, coolness knotting in my stomach. I held in a cough that would lead to nausea that would lead to another panic attack. To throwing up in public. I tried to tell myself it was nothing, this was a store with only so many places to be, it was natural.

But what if this time it wasn't?

Sage wrapped an arm around my shoulders. _'What's wrong?'_

Dusk was a very loud neon sign pointing straight at the man. _'He's_ following _us.'_

Halo followed down Dusk's path, stopping at the man. Sage himself froze, for what felt like different reasons to mine. _'… Dais.'_

 _'You_ know _him?'_

Sage nodded and turned to look at him more directly. They caught each other's eye and the man— Dais— came forward, a rippling of the air around him making him change from short brown hair to white down to his shoulders. An eyepatch was the biggest change, making him look _more_ than a little intimidating.

When they were within speaking distance, Sage bowed. "I was not expecting to see you here."

Dais inclined his head, giving a similarly shallow bow. "Our paths have quite the uncanny nature of crossing. It's easy to believe something else is guiding us."

Sage nodded. "Dais, this is Alexa."

Dais inclined his head. "A pleasure."

He was _studying_ me. Dusk hid in a little ball deep inside, Halo flowing around to protect it from Dais' signature I could sense now that we were so close. He took the hint and backed off, his armour resting just a short ways away.

"If you need me, I'll be in the store."

With that, he vanished into the shelves.

I let out a breath, turning to hide against Sage. _'Who was that?'_

 _'The former Warlord of Illusion,'_ Sage said, wrapping his other arm around me. _'He's watching to make sure we're safe.'_

I swallowed. _'Of course I had to think it was the opposite…'_

Sage's chuckle was dark. _'He still makes me feel the opposite. Before, him watching us was, indeed, dangerous. Now… he's an ally.'_

I didn't want to think about it, but I didn't want to leave Sage's arms, either. I wanted to stay until my shaking stopped and I didn't feel like throwing up right on the spot. Halo was open, gently letting me know he could ease any of my physical symptoms but not pushing. I just pressed into him, the smell of his shirt helping calm me down more than any drug.

He stroked my hair. "Do you want to keep looking at poetry?"

I nodded.

He kept an arm around my shoulders as we looked through the shelves, me not quite able to comprehend words on the page. After this time in a little bubble, in a hotel with six people who had saved me, it was hard to swallow that I could be stalked the minute I went out in public again, and nearly had been. He picked a volume about love and mental illness, something that felt appropriate. Something that felt like a dream.

I just wanted to be safe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Warnings:** Stalking

* * *

 _Chapter 11_

—8—

Rowen had finally found something in a bookstore that he wanted more than a book.

Unfortunately, that "something" was instead a "someone."

Someone who was already spoken for.

 _'How did I even end up here?'_ he wondered darkly, taking another sip of his now lukewarm coffee. Part of him knew that answer—his so-called comrades had deliberately set him up. Even though he couldn't prove it, he _knew_ they were conspiring against him.

They had all walked in together. Naturally, he'd gravitated toward the Starbucks, craving his third coffee of the day after the bucket of sludge they'd given him at the police station. As soon as he held the blissfully warm cup between his hands, however, Cye and Kento had pointed out that Tessa was already deep inside the bookstore, and "None of us should really be alone right now, don't you think?"

Damn them for preying on his protective instincts.

Rowen had known he was being inordinately grumpy when he didn't immediately greet Tessa (who had found herself a cozy little niche in the fantasy and sci-fi section), instead allowing Suiko and Kongo to do the talking. That mood hadn't been helped any by the redhead detective back at the station ruffling Sage's feathers, _especially_ when he'd dared call into question the Ronin's motives for helping the twins. As if _they_ were suspects—and on _top_ of mispronouncing "Date"!

Pretending not to observe the trio while actually observing them, however, had proven somewhat advantageous. He had noticed Tessa seemed to be avoiding him—or at least his general direction—as much as he was.

 _'Curiouser and curiouser.'_

He had tuned back into the conversation as Cye was asking, "Do you ever read in other languages?"

She gave a modest little shrug. "Sometimes. Not as much as I'd like, to be honest. And so far I only have that much experience with Japanese and Spanish, really—and I find Spanish far easier because I've been around it longer." Wrinkling her nose, she added, "And the formatting of recreational reading in other languages just feels _weird_. Considering that's where I spend most of my reading time, I just…find it easier to stay in English."

Cye sympathized. "That was my hang-up when I started reading in English. I only ever heard it in class or on the beach from tourists. I swear the main reason Rowen picked up Mandarin and Cantonese so quickly is because he had Kento to practice casually with."

Kento nudged Cye in the ribs. "Hey, now, you're picking it up, too. And we're getting some great practice with English on this trip."

"Like we really need the practice on _that_ account," Rowen muttered, sipping his coffee.

The brunet shrugged casually. "Suit yourself, then. I'll go browse the more obscure genres. It can be hard to get English novels in Japan, and I've just about read out my shelves."

"I'll go with ya, Cye," Kento quickly volunteered—before Rowen could open his mouth.

Before he could even _think_ to realize that would mean they'd stranded him with Tessa.

Damn them. He'd guessed it was a set-up before, but now he _knew_ it.

"Wa—"

As was his luck, they were at the end of the aisle and around the corner before he could voice " _wait_ " in protest. Heaving a big sigh, he glanced back to Tessa. "Well…sorry about that. Guess you're stuck with me, now," he joked brightly, trying to cover for the awkwardness that suddenly hung between them.

He couldn't _quite_ have said why it was there…but it was.

The girl laughed, nervously, and tucked a lock of hair behind one ear. "I'm only stuck if I can't go anywhere."

Clearing his throat with equal nerves, Rowen chose his words carefully. "Well…it might not be the _best_ idea to wander off alone, right now."

Guilt stabbed his heart at the little flash of a look like a frightened animal that darted across her expression. Realizing she'd probably jumped to imagining something bad lurking nearby, he soothed, "We just—think everyone ought to be careful, is all." He gestured in the direction the others had gone. "Why Cye and Kento dragged me along to find you."

Rowen internally winced at how that had come out. She looked away sadly, turning to fiddle with a book on the shelf beside her. "I _do_ kinda forget situational awareness when I hyperfocus on something…"

His heart dragged him around by the scruff, hearing the self-deprecation in her voice. Softening, he reassured, "Naw, it's okay. I can't count the number of times someone's had to remind me to look up while I'm walking and reading, among other things. Kento's story about how we met is case in point."

That pulled a chuckle from her, to his relief.

And that was how, an hour later, he found himself wandering after Tessa around the bookstore with the remnants of a lukewarm coffee dangling from his fingers.

Which, in turn, brought him back to the point of his internal monologue.

They'd started with small talk, trying to stave off the awkwardness Cye and Kento had left them in. Then she had spied a favorite book series of hers that made her squeal with delight and turn on the metaphorical waterfall. Her gushing had at first taken him by surprise—but he couldn't deny how nice a change it was from the terrified, tearful girl he'd comforted last night.

At thinking how much prettier she was happy, though, Rowen mentally shook himself. _'Stop it, Touma! She's taken!'_

He knew Sage, if he were there, would point out that the Ronin of Air would treat her far better than that dirtbag of a boyfriend, who had so far consistently proven himself to be insensitive. But just like the kendoka, he had his own code of honor to uphold. He couldn't—wouldn't—jeopardize her honor like that, just because Cupid's arrow had played a sick joke on its own archer.

Even though he was head over heels for a girl he'd known less than seventy-two hours.

But _damn_ was it a struggle. Tessa wasn't just cute, with a bubbly laugh that brightened the room. She was incredibly intellectual and possessed a mind that gathered facts like he held onto theorems. Where she wasn't well-versed in a topic, she was nonetheless open to learning and soaked it up like a sponge.

 _'Gods give me strength.'_

It wasn't until they reached a long lull in the conversation that Rowen suddenly noticed a change in the bookstore's atmosphere. Tenku's shields had slacked while he was distracted, but now the yoroi was alerting him to a possible threat.

Something nearby felt like youja. Something that was too close for comfort.

Sharpening his focus, he allowed his eyes to rake across the nearest shelves for signs of anything amiss. In the course of their wanderings, they had ended up in the vicinity of the children's section. While mercifully empty at the moment, it did back up to the edge of the mall with ground floor windows that made him inexplicably nervous.

Akatsuki caught on to his wariness. "Rowen?" she murmured uncertainly, edging closer.

He risked a quick glance at the girl. "You feel it, too?" he questioned, so quiet as to be nearly under his breath.

A tiny nod followed. Tossing caution to the wind, he reached out to take her hand. "Let's head back to the others."

Rowen still couldn't get a bead on where, exactly, the feeling originated. While he doubted the cult would do anything drastic in broad daylight and the middle of a busy mall, that didn't mean they couldn't have already tracked the warriors down. The sheer amount of energy the yoroi put out had long proven themselves to be like flames to the moths that were youja and demons.

Adding to his paranoia was the eerie stillness to the store. The late afternoon rush crowd of families, college students, and business people had emptied the building like a tide. Rowen almost felt as if he and Tessa were the only two humans left, for how quiet it had become. It reminded him of abandoned, mist-coated Shinjuku.

So when the little hairs on the back of his neck stood up, he listened first and asked questions later.

Without warning, the Ronin spun on a heel while simultaneously maneuvering Tessa behind him. She gasped with the surprise—but Rowen hardly heard it.

He stared slack-jawed at the figure before them.

The modern clothes were new. But he would recognize that white hair and eyepatch in any world.

His exhale released less tension than he would have liked. "Do you _want_ me to spill hot coffee on you?" he demanded in a low, terse tone. "Geeze, Dais."

The _gen_ _mashou_ simply crossed his arms. "You have had that cup for over an hour. I doubt at this point it's hot enough to do more than surprise me."

Rowen's blood ran cold at realizing they had been watched without him noticing for who knew how long. The rational part of his mind said it was a good thing it had been one of the _mashou_ ; the part that still had a foot in the past was appalled at how badly he had let his guard down.

He couldn't quite keep the growl out of his voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching your back," Dais said simply. "Lady Kayura informed us of the…situation. We felt it prudent that, should you walk in public, one of us be nearby in case of emergency. I'd had no intention of letting you find out, but Kure is much more on guard than I anticipated."

Tessa's confusion finally slipped through Tenku's shields, as she quipped, "Of course she could spot you—she writes about spies and assassins for fun."

"Fitting," he replied dryly. Without elaborating on why, and nothing in his demeanor to hint at its reasoning, he continued, "I thought I would offer my services, should you wish to make a clean escape."

"That might require knowing exactly what we're escaping from and where," Rowen pointed out. Telepathically, he answered Tessa's unspoken question. _"Dais is the…_ former _Warlord of Illusion. He can weave spells of incredible realism. I didn't personally come up against him very often, but the others and Kento especially had their hands full."_

Dais shifted into Japanese, though his words remained cryptic. "The walls can have eyes, as you are likely already aware. Even when somebody isn't around."

Grimly—catching onto his meaning—Rowen responded in kind. "Then we can talk about this later. We should probably leave."

The _mashou_ nodded. Turning toward the store's entrance, the Ronin let go of Tessa's hand only to hover his at her back, putting himself between her and Dais while escorting her away from the nebulous threat. Sensing the return of tension and concern in Akatsuki's posture, he ran a quick look of appraisal over her.

Like him, she was scanning the large maze of merchandise for danger. The book she had snagged from the fantasy section—still debating, earlier, whether to purchase it—was clutched tightly in one hand, hugged protectively against her chest.

"Are you alright?"

Her head twisted around sharply to look at him. After a moment, she found her voice. "I'll be okay." Glancing back at the white-haired man trailing them, she questioned, "What, exactly, did he mean?"

Rowen hesitated, trying to decide how much to say in public. "We…may be followed," he murmured.

Tessa was remarkably unfazed by the realization. She sighed. "Of course we are."

Sympathetic to the note of resignation in her words, he allowed his arm to slip around her shoulders in a half-hug as they walked. Searching for something to comfort her with, his eyes landed again on the book she held. "Looking forward to reading that?"

She blinked, processed what he meant, then frowned uncertainly. "Still…not sure if I should get it. It'd be nice to complete the set…but I really don't _need_ it…"

Rowen spotted Sage standing in line at the register. He let his arm slide from Tessa's shoulder, but laid his hand on the joint reassuringly. "Tell you what. I'll buy it for you."

That offer caused her jaw to drop. Smiling crookedly, he continued, "But only as long as you make sure to tell me all about it, okay?"

Chuckling warmly, Tessa smiled back and held the book out to him. "Okay." She laughed briefly. "Just…don't fall asleep when I do."

Feeling Kourin's attention on him, Rowen nodded and quickly accepted the paperback volume. Luckily for him, Sage himself had been too preoccupied making his purchase to catch the exchange. Tenku raised an eyebrow at noticing a glimpse of pink nestled against black in his shopping bag.

The kendoka saw his friend watching. He stepped aside to chat while Rowen paid. "She wanted one notebook for the police, and one notebook for all the good things in her life."

He didn't have to specify which "she" he meant. A recently-forgotten memory tickled at the back of his mind. Something he'd mentioned to Sage in early conversations about the twins…

The object of his thoughts raised an eyebrow at the book Rowen laid on the counter. "That seems like a departure from your usual readings."

He tried to keep his shrug nonchalant, as he handed the cashier his card. "Figured I'd try giving new material a chance."

Rowen held his breath, hoping he wouldn't realize it wasn't the first in its series and call him out. Sage cast a dubious look at his friend, but let it slide. "Very well."

Tessa had rejoined the others already when the pair walked over to the gaggle around Alexa's table. The sisters sat close together, the younger with an arm around the older's shoulders.

The looks on the assembled Ronin's faces were grim. Rowen shifted awkwardly upon figuring why. _"So…I was the last to hear about Dais?"_

Four yoroi agreed in tandem. _"Tessa mentioned you thought you were being followed,"_ Ryo supplied.

Realizing as he tried to drink that his coffee was empty, he tossed the cup in a nearby trash can. _"Dais said the cult is using youja to find us. He offered to cover our tracks when we leave."_

Sage seemed to feel the most positive of them all at the revelation that Dais had offered his assistance. _"I'm sure Alexa would appreciate that. The thought she was being stalked again nearly sent her into a panic attack. Dais never actually said what he was doing here, except to watch."_

Despite the significant unease—from Kongo in particular—at having a _mashou_ involved, there was only more agreement in the connection.

 _"Anyone else feel like we've overstayed our welcome in Toronto?"_ Cye said.

No one debated that sentiment.

Ryo turned to Rowen, again. _"Any idea how easy it is to change tickets?"_

He shook his head. _"Not really. But we should have enough lead time on the Montreal train that we can try to push forward the departure to Ottawa with little issue. I'll give the company a call."_

The others turned to discuss the change with the twins while Rowen stepped away to give himself space. As the phone rang, he watched them—or, more accurately, he watched Tessa. She had hardly strayed from Alexa's side since they plucked her from the farmhouse, except when she had had to out of necessity. That level of devotion reminded him of, well, himself and Sage.

A devotion that was entirely platonic, but as meaningful if not more so than a romantic relationship.

An epiphany struck him almost with the force of lightning. It rattled around in the back of his brain even as half of him was forced to focus on the voice that had answered his phone call and subsequent queries.

Even if she had a boyfriend, that didn't mean he couldn't be there for her. Just because she was a committed woman and he was a single man didn't mean he had to walk on eggshells around her. There was a reason he called the four men crowded around their table his brothers in all but name. On the battlefield of the yoroi's secret world, they couldn't afford to maintain this awkward limbo of not-quite-stranger-not-quite-friend. Sage had allowed his crush on Tenku to nearly tear him apart. Tessa had described her military-related experiences and future commissioning before—she would understand the need to set those feelings aside.

Rowen could be the knight to her queen on the chessboard of this new conflict. There was no way he could _not_ in good conscience be there for her. He couldn't afford to repeat the mistakes of the past and helplessly wallow in emotion. So the Ronin decided he would keep his cards close to his chest; but right there, right then, he made himself a promise.

Even if she could never be his…he would always be hers.

—=—

Kento wished there was a nearby wall he could punch through, when the others told him who had popped up at the bookstore. Better yet, a Dais might've been nice.

Keeping his temper while they boarded the new train to Ottawa— that would get them in late but they'd already set up a hotel reservation— was a challenge. They all ended up sprawled in the dining car, Sage and Rowen at one table with the girls, Ryo, Cye, and himself at the table across the way. Kento's temper made it he wolfed down the meal in front of them… and he'd already gone through half a travel bag worth of snacks. He was debating ordering a second meal.

 _'First Dais shows up, then there's youja following us,'_ Kento spat, crossing his arms. _'And all we can do is run.'_

 _'Dais made sure they_ wouldn't _follow us,'_ Ryo responded. _'And none of us have sensed anything since.'_

Kento glanced over at the girls, spending more time chatting with the guys across from them than eating. _'And one of these days somebody's going to catch up. We can't keep running forever— I'm sure carrot top would file something, for how he talked…'_

Suiko rolled with the beginnings of a storm. _'"Did you put those bruises on her", insisting that was possible even after Ottawa told them there was a known history of harassment. All because of a lack of violence previously. There had been a lack of kidnapping previously!'_

That got Kento and Ryo to crack up. Sage and Rowen wondered, very quietly, what was going on. The others passed information to them, hiding it from the girls. Cye's comment generated smiles but not much physical reaction so as not to have them ask.

Who knew how they'd take the concept the Ronin had to be cleared as accomplices.

Kento was unsettled with that enough on his own. If Alexa was as fragile as she looked, that would probably crush her.

Ryo kept going on their old track. _'Who knows what they're capable of. If they can follow us without being physically present…'_

Kento grumbled. _'Alexa knows, but I sure as hell ain't asking her now.'_ He watched Sage and Rowen gently coax the girls out of their shells, slowly but surely generating smiles and even some laughter. _'Leave it to the flirts to get those two to open up.'_

Ryo twisted to look at them more directly. _'Looks like Alexa needs it. She got nervous when it was the three of us.'_

Cye, as per usual, took a slightly more rational approach. _'It might be her autism. She doesn't know the 'rules' of being around us, so to speak, so she's not interacting until she learns.'_

 _'Sounds a little like Sage,'_ Ryo added softly. _'Only he was less skittish than she is.'_

Cye nodded. _'Hopefully having a chance to go back to her apartment helps. Sage had the advantage of a familiar environment— she doesn't.'_

Ryo paused, Kento catching his thought a little faster than he could voice it. Kongo dropped out again as he said, _'They took her on the way home, didn't they?'_

 _'Pretty sure they did…'_ Ryo said, now that his thoughts were in order. _'Rowen mentioned_ youja _energy near her apartment, and Sage said something, too.'_

 _'The apartment could be watched.'_

Everyone got quiet at Cye's observation. While they had already planned to get a hotel, the concept of giving Alexa some time to recharge had been proposed. Now, it was hard to tell if they should— if Rowen was right, then she only had a one bedroom apartment and there were seven of them. Leaving her with only a few of them so she could breathe wasn't a possibility, now, and if she hated being crowded…

She was going to be forced out of her apartment in as little time as possible, just for her safety.

None of them could quite shake the melancholy at that. All three of them ended up watching; Kento had a small smile that Alexa had eaten half her sizable portion already. His mom would've filled her plate three times already, just to make sure she was fed. It was hard for Kento not to constantly offer more food, for how he'd grown up with _that_ as the main display of hosting.

Ryo broke out in an easy, albeit slightly forced, smile. "Whatcha talking about?"

Alexa froze, eyes flicking towards Tessa. Her sister just said, "I'm grilling Rowen on how many sports he plays." She raised an eyebrow. "Apparently, hybrid nerd-jocks exist."

That seemed to relax Alexa. She added, "And I'm asking about all the art Sage apparently does."

Ryo laughed. "Is Rowen getting the itch for his baseball glove?"

Rowen gave a good-natured glare. "None of your business."

Kento smirked at his long-suffering friend. "Nah, just pining for Ryuusei."

Rowen's eyes narrowed further, with the promise of getting this resolved _later_. Probably in the dojo.

Sage glanced at the girls, his ploy to get Rowen and Tessa together flowing through Kourin. "Want to join us in this episode of The Bachelor?"

Tessa's jaw just about dropped. "B—B-But…!"

Sage laughed. "I take it you heard rumours?"

Tessa blushed faintly, ducking her head but nonetheless nodding. Tenku, meanwhile, had the light of realization— and Kento couldn't help but have an internal smirk at how _smoothly_ Sage had set that little reveal up.

His easy smile betrayed none of that plotting. "Rowen and I pretend to date, when I can't stand romantic attention."

Tessa seemed thoroughly shy at that realization. Whatever she'd been thinking about, she didn't say— instead casting her eyes down self-consciously.

Sage, once again, seemed to know exactly what to continue with. "We're all close friends. We hold each other at our darkest, because sometimes all you need is a hug."

Tessa glanced at her sister then back down to her lap. "Like…us."

Sage nodded; Alexa leaned into Tessa, gently nuzzling her at the notes of self-deprecation in Tessa's voice. It was hard not to wonder why Tessa hadn't realized that, for how close the two girls had been throughout the trip.

Cye broke the quiet by hooking a thumb at Kento. "If you're looking for hidden soft sides, Kento gardens. He especially loves teaching his little siblings and cousins how to grow things."

Before Kento had a chance to respond and give stories for Cye and children at his EMT job, Rowen snorted. "There's not a whole lot of "hidden" about that. Kento's the most transparent softie of all of us."

Kento raised an eyebrow. Telling stories about Cye could wait. "You're just saying that cuz you hide your soft insides behind hardcovers."

Sage chuckled. "Ojiisama insisted I be a proper samurai, which meant artistic pursuits on top of martial arts."

Tessa tilted her head at that. "So that explains the bamboo flute?"

He nodded, mock-exasperation in his tone as he continued the list. "And the bonsai. And the calligraphy."

That seemed to warm Alexa up. She glanced at the three. "What about you, Cye?"

Cye gave a smile that made Kento wonder why he was still single. "Pottery. It's a family tradition, and I enjoy it. My sister plans on making it part of her career."

"If you want softy stories, ask him about kids. Lifeguarding or EMT. It's enough to make you melt." Kento hooked a thumb at the one who'd been dodging questions. "Rowen's the only one of us who doesn't do anything artistic. And not for lack of trying."

Rowen, of course, gave a smug smile. "I live art. The art of science!"

Alexa smiled at that. "Art and science are pretty closely related."

Rowen's smirk morphed into a grin as he gestured to her. "She gets it!"

Now it was Alexa's turn to blush.

Ryo gave a soft smile at her slight integration into the group. "What about you?"

She swallowed down nerves. "I… kinda live and breathe art. I mean, I work in advertising, writing for a living, I dance in my spare time, I try to draw, I have a novel I've been working on…"

That topic seemed to be raw for reasons unknown. Her breath shook, voice wavering with uncertainty. Kento tried to soothe it with knowledge she wasn't alone. "I kinda feel like cooking's the same, for me. I'm making stuff that looks and tastes good, and I'm putting in all the hours to learn how to do that." He chuckled. "And messing up a lot along the way."

Rowen wasn't going to let an opportunity to tease his brother get away. "And if pretty boy over here isn't in the dojo or studying, he's doing something artistic."

Yep, matched. No matter how much either side would deny it— and they _would_ deny it— Kongo, Suiko, and Rekka could all see how well those four fit together. And how interested the two men were. Older with older, younger with younger.

Sage shoved Rowen playfully. " _He_ 's about the only guy who lives in his head. Probably why he plays so many sports."

Alexa seemed to be in the middle between relaxing and wanting to hide under the table. Tessa put her arm around her sister, whispers passing between their yoroi that the Ronin made sure to ignore. She needed all the privacy she could get.

After a few moments of silence, Kento asked, "Do you enjoy what you do?"

She seemed to light up at the initial thought, getting halfway through nodding before the light inside died with a bitter laugh. " _She_ always encouraged my art. It's about the only thing I'm good at, as a result. Kept saying… h-how _cold_ my biological dad was for going into the sciences…"

Tessa snorted. "Like a doctor would be driven by anything but compassion…"

Alexa's voice was back to shaking. "My step-dad's mom was a nurse and she was… pretty… cold…"

"Compassion fatigue happens," Cye said softly, leaning forward. "And while I know a handful of people who don't seem like they're entering medicine for the best reasons, most of my classmates want to help others."

She rubbed the back of her head self consciously. "I wanted to go into tech or science or something but she refused to support me. I had to be an artist whether I liked it or not."

So that's why she seemed nervous around Rowen offering to teach her about his fields, and that's why she didn't really seem proud of her art. Kento tried to stay quiet on that topic; she had dodged his question, avoiding all attention on her, and he wanted to give her space to hold an opinion. "Still didn't answer my question of if _you_ enjoyed it, or not."

She paused, licking her lips and swallowing. The look of fear over her face just made Kento's heart bruise. Eventually, she took a breath. "I guess I do. It's fun to be able to build something from just an idea and get paid to do it."

Tessa rubbed Alexa's arm. "You amaze me, y'know. What you're able to do."

That got Alexa to smile, leaning into her sister and relaxing slightly. Ryo picked up on the underlying notes of insecurity, what they had all noticed where she shrunk her life, down to nothing, practically.

"Even if it's a small life, where hardly anyone knows you, you can still be part of something," Ryo said. "A family. A group of friends. You might not change the world, might never be recognized, but you can mean a lot to the people around you."

Sage let out a soft laugh. "Even if you have a large life, it's the smallest, most personal bonds that mean the most. I can't say I'm terribly happy to be recognized around Japan, but being with the Ronin is my greatest treasure."

That got a small smile out of the girls, enough that Alexa went back to eating. The wall Kure put up was enough to have the three back off, but there was significantly less worry about what would happen, now. The unnatural hopelessness— too familiar to the Ronin— had lessened.

Hopefully seeing her city would help her. And hopefully, nothing would be waiting for them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warnings** : Suicidal ideation, suicide attempt discussion, parental abuse, parental abuse discussion

* * *

 _Chapter 12_

—A—

Driving back to my apartment after the past week was surreal.

I'd gone from a spec of dust trying to avoid radioactive wind at all costs to a plant newly put in a pot with all the required components to grow. Even though going back was dangerous, it was necessary— if only for my sanity. I wanted to spend at least a little time there. At least a little time curled up on my couch or on my bed.

The guys had even said they'd clean the place door to door, for me, so when I did go back it wouldn't be stressful.

Of course, that also meant there would be six people who saw how badly my depression and anxiety had let stuff pile up.

Rowen twisted in the seat to face me, the reassurance over that having barely died down. "We've all seen how hard it is, to cut ties with abusers. You should've seen my room in the months after I stopped speaking with my father."

I swallowed. "Y-your father?"

He nodded. "He tried to control my career path. When he began smearing my name, I felt I had no choice but to leave."

"We took care of him," Cye said from driving. "We've been down this road before."

Kento glanced around. "Not literally."

I broke down laughing, which just had everyone chuckling. In the vacuum of sound that followed, I looked back out the window. That was two people with PTSD and one person with an abusive parent. Or at least, a parent bad enough he felt the need to cut ties. Points of matching on pain— and matching interests, for how Kento considered himself an artist, Sage a poet, and Ryo a photographer. Sage, Cye, and Kento were dancers, too.

After so long of being told the outside world would never resonate with me, of being told the only people who could understand me were other cultists, and living a year of awkward limbo where everything they'd said about people felt proven true as no friends in real life stuck— here I was face to face with five others who resonated with so many parts of me I didn't know what to do with all this feeling.

I didn't know how to start over like this.

The thoughts kept rolling in my head— they had since Kento's question, really. Did _I_ enjoy my chosen path. When had I mattered enough that my opinion counted? I was a ragdoll, tossed around by the wind and whoever owned me at the time. I wasn't worried about how I lived in my own place. I was worried about how they'd see my living space.

Something about my own blankness haunted me. I wasn't aware enough of my own feelings to identify what, exactly, was so upsetting. Memories floated in, memories of how I had to prove myself with everything I had ever touched as a teenager. How everything had come down to money. How I was supposed to be taking my hobbies and making them work for me, because if I did I would never work in my life. Instead of following, I had removed all concept of fun except for dancing, and even that was barely fun anymore.

The minute I got inside, I just curled up on my bed to ignore everything. Tessa curled up around me, the guys all spreading out. My vacuum came on a moment later, mixing in with the sound of my sink filling. Fridge opening. Cupboards. Trash bags.

I closed my eyes against everything as Tessa stroked my arm. An exact replica of how she always said she would, how she always mimed out every time I was crying. Part of me hadn't believed it would ever happen, and here I was. I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to believe this was real, that this was something she had chosen.

I focused on the five guys cleaning my apartment.

The five very attractive guys.

Finding out Rowen was single was a blessing. Finding out Sage was single gave me mixed feelings— he was bi, and affectionate, and received lots of romantic attention. All of it combined to a slightly dangerous cocktail of probably never living up to expectations. He was effortlessly put together in a way that took me two hours to match.

Ryo seemed to fit a little better. Struggling in school, photographer… kindhearted. All of them fit the last, really. His easy smile came the most frequently of them all. He made me feel okay in a way Sage didn't. But Sage was always right there. He's caught me when I wanted to fall into depression. He knew how to catch me. But he was a healer, and Ryo wasn't. I put all those thoughts away, too.

Being back in my bed felt relaxing in ways I couldn't describe. I could pretend nothing else existed. This was all I'd wanted to do, on my way home. After a hard self defence class all I'd wanted was to come home and sleep. As nice as hotel beds were, they weren't my bed. They weren't the thing I had sunk a small fortune into, having lost my mattress moving out. I'd made sure to get the exact same mattress, just so I could regain safety in small comforts.

Everything smelled like home and I could relax. I was safe behind two levels of locks and a security camera.

"I'd missed this…"

Tessa nodded, an absent 'mhm' as her only reply.

I swallowed, the peace I had been soaking up straining under realization. The guys had told us my apartment was probably being watched. "I hope I don't have to move…"

She kept rubbing my arm, soothing me. "Not for a couple hours, at least."

I shook my head. "I mean… getting a new address."

She shifted uneasily, having forgotten about that possibility. "We'll do everything we can to make sure you don't."

I chuckled darkly. "At least I don't have much _stuff_ to move. Took furniture over anything else…"

She smiled softly, Dawn letting me know there was the slightest twinkle in her eye. "We'll help you fill the place up, no matter where you are."

I returned the expression, turning to my dresser and pointing to the corner filled with gifts she'd given me. "You already have."

She ran a hand over her hair sheepishly, cheeks slightly redder. "Good point. But…you know what I mean."

I nodded and looked at the empty picture frame I had gotten in a moment of hopefulness. "We need to get a picture together when I'm not…"

The thought of 'still looking like death' was too pressing to voice aloud. The sheer number of scabs on my face alone was worth pause. I was surprised I hadn't been stared at on the train.

"We'll find time. Maybe at…my house." She grinned, dispelling the somber notes in my words. "We can have girl time and play around with makeup looks, to help with that."

I chuckled. "I have way more makeup than you, and Rowen packed it all."

She ruffled my hair. "Exactly!"

I'd heard too many comments about girls who wore makeup. Too many comments about how useless the time spent was. How much space and money it took. How little my sister ever touched these otherwise 'girly' pursuits. "Compared to you, I'm downright high maintenance."

She frowned. "Believe me, I know some girls who are far worse. And some of those go to my school."

I smirked even though my heart wasn't in it. "Yeah, but those girls aren't clogging up a home bathroom when it had previously been minimally-occupied…"

She snorted. "Oh don't worry, Kaden has that covered! And Satsuki's and Sage's hair things covered the sink at their house. You're in good company!"

I had to laugh at the thought of Sage spending time on his hair. "How many were Sage's and how many were Satsuki's?"

She grinned downright wickedly. "Oh, half and half, roughly speaking."

I clamped a hand over my mouth to cover my shriek of laughter. I didn't want the guys to find out I was laughing at Sage's expense, but I was. Part of me knew I shouldn't be surprised the one Rowen had called 'pretty boy' spent so long on his hair. The rest of me was too amused at the thought, for how I'd never been around guys like that.

They didn't even poke their heads into the room. Their armours didn't question what was so funny, even though my emotions felt about ready to explode out. The vacuum had stopped, and clanging of dishes going into cupboards replaced it. The only thing left was some conversation on food.

It was strange, having other people in my apartment. I had spent so long trying to make a routine for myself I had blocked out thoughts about how to be with a group. I'd insisted I hadn't had family so I had to start over. I had to pull out all my roots and find somewhere else to plant them.

That didn't hold true, anymore.

I turned my head towards Tessa. "What is your family like?"

She hesitated, getting her thoughts in order. "Dad's…an emergency doctor, Liv's a police sergeant, and Kaden's in his second year of music theatre studies. But I've told you that already." Her laughter died as she mulled it over more. "We joke Kaden was born thirty, because he's always been a very level-headed type kid. Dad and Liv met in college on the equestrian team—so that's why the horses. Dad's…kinda like Cye, in a way. That gentle soft-spokeness which is very comforting." She smiled. "He would tell us the best made-up bedtime stories when we were little. I wish I could recall them more specifically so I could write them down. But I can't do them the same justice he did."

That just got a stab of memory, once again reminded how different our upbringings had been. "I'd always been jealous of your dad, wishing he were mine…"

She gave me a one armed hug. "Now he's yours, too." Her pause was punctuated by squeezing me. "He was…really worried about you, when I talked to him at the station. He was glad you were safe."

"He… was?" I swallowed at the continued thought. "Did you… did he know?"

She nodded. "Yes…to both." She let me process that thought, process the knowledge he knew his second daughter was alive, before she asked, "Do you…want to talk to him?"

I hesitated, thinking about how his job meant odd schedules. How it might be a message and I'd be left obsessing. Hoping almost beyond hope, I nodded. "Would… he be home?"

"Hmm… I think so?" she said. "I've kinda lost track of his work schedule, with being in Japan the last two months or so…"

I thought of calling, of hearing his voice, of being expected to say something, and felt my words threaten to vanish from my throat. "You… can call, first…"

She dialed. After a few rings she said hello, answering questions I couldn't hear. After those were over with, she said, with a glance at me, "There's… somebody here who wants to talk to you."

Pulling the phone away from her ear, she put it on speakerphone. I licked my lips and took a breath. "Hi, Dad."

His breath shuddered. "Hey, sweetie."

I swallowed down a lump in my throat. "I-it's nice to hear you call me that…"

"Nice to finally say it." Tessa was right— he did sound worried for me. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah…" My injuries came to mind and he would see them and he was a doctor. My voice shook. "I'm. A little banged up but. I'm fine."

"Anything that needs looking over?"

I rubbed my cracked forearm and the splint keeping it in place. "N-no, not really."

Tessa brought an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder as Dad spoke. "Tessa told me you all will be coming down soon. I wish we had space to give you your own room, but even with my son out for the summer it's…going to be a little tight."

I laughed, almost a bark. "Guess that's what happens when you have a new daughter suddenly show up without ever having been in your life."

"You have always been my daughter," he said quietly. Almost fiercely. Mostly laced with heartbreak. "You never stopped being my little girl."

"Of course…" I said dryly. Of course I'd always been his daughter. Of course he cared for me. I should've known everything she said about him was a lie. Part of me had almost hoped that she had been right about something. I couldn't hold in a laugh at the absurdity of it all. "I'm. Going to need some time to get used to that…"

"Of course." His voice got almost sheepish. "I… understand if you hate me."

I chuckled. "I was jealous of Tessa, for having a dad like you."

That got his voice a little bit more back to normal, a little less tense. "You were?"

"Hated my own dad," I said quietly, hoping he could hear me. "Wished you were mine."

"How do you feel, that they're the same person?"

I paused at his honestly blunt question. I supposed I had to get it from somewhere. "I. Haven't had time to think about it, yet."

That brought him back off-balance. "We… can talk later, if that's easier. I can text Tessa my work schedule, too. Or you."

"Y-yeah. I'd like that." I swallowed, glancing at my sister. "Her… number's probably better."

"Love you both, sweethearts."

My voice snagged in my throat. All I could get out was "Bye."

Tessa was a little more cheerful. A little more practiced. "Bye, Dad. Love you!"

I rubbed my eyes as she hung up. "Well. That's the first of the awkward parent conversations."

She rubbed my arm. "How…do you feel?"

My apartment was small and sound travelled. I had feelings. I had lots of feelings. But with five strangers in the immediate hearing area, a refusal to close my door from pure paranoia, and the thought of wanting to die taking over my mind— all I could do was shrug.

Tessa was quiet for a few moments, giving me space to think. "Anything you…want to talk about?"

I kept my voice low. "Not with them around."

She glanced at the open door. "Should we…?"

"It's not like they'd leave, for how the possibility exists I could be snatched right from here," I murmured.

She frowned. "Well I'm sure they'd at least understand the concept of privacy, right now… Even if they all have to go stand on the balcony."

She was teasing, but was serious enough she would make them do it. I just shook my head, words too caught in my throat.

She squeezed my arm. "Just…wanna hug?"

I nodded.

She gathered me in her arms and leaned back against propped up pillows, rubbing my arm and rocking. I tried to sort through feelings and how to discuss them in a way that wasn't 'I mistrust your dad.' He was my dad, too, but I didn't want to even consider reconciling who I had been told was my dad, and the man I had gotten to casually know over the past year.

Cye knocked on the open door. "Anything you want to eat, either of you?"

Tessa glanced at him, then to me and repeated the question. My voice still didn't particularly want to work, I didn't particularly want food even though I was hungry, but I forced out, "Just Mcdonalds. Quarter pounder BLT with fries and water."

She relayed my order to Cye and gave her own. He vanished from the door; moments later, he, Ryo, and Kento left the apartment, Sage locking the door behind them. He paused against it, head bowed, before turning to come towards the bedroom.

Despite me watching him, he knocked. "Do you mind if I speak to you a moment?"

It was either no words or black humour. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

He tipped his head down. "It's something I'd like to speak with you about, eventually."

I sat up properly on the bed, crossing my legs. "Then might as well get it over with now."

He sat across from me on the bed, voice quiet. "I understand if you wish to hide your feelings from us, right now. And you have every right to. I… understand the fear, you can have, when so many PTSD symptoms mean people make choices on your behalf. We wanted to tell you that we won't make those choices for you, no matter what your feelings end up being."

That was a fancy way of saying 'suicidal' and 'people will institutionalize you for it'. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at the covers. "Cye has a certain ethical responsibility to report certain feelings. So does Dad."

"Cye will not." He took a breath. "He didn't do it for me. He won't for you."

I swallowed, the puffed-up air in my chest I'd kept for defence releasing. "You're… suicidal?"

He nodded, looking away. "I've attempted twice."

"And if Inferno and Strata hadn't warned us, he would have succeeded," Rowen said from the entrance to my room. His arms were crossed as he leaned against the jamb.

Sage gave Rowen the smallest smile. "He… pulled me away from my second attempt. The first time, I had tried to silence Halo— which they all sensed, and Ryo pulled it back to life with an armour that lets him fuse four other armours together. Both attempts were within two months. That is… another reason, we lived together in high school. Suicidal thoughts and attempts were my largest symptom of PTSD for years."

Rowen continued. "It helped _all_ of us to heal from the wounds of the War. Cye, Kento, and myself may not have PTSD—but war is war, nonetheless. So we…understand a large part of what both of you are going through, and want to be there for you. If you'll have us."

This environment collapsed the dam I'd had against words and feelings and censoring what I was feeling out of fear. "I nearly killed myself, being with her again…"

Tessa squeezed me, rubbing my arm and kissing my forehead. Dawn wrapped me in a sense of care I had gotten so accustomed to over years of getting to know her, the type of care where she forgave everything. "It's okay, sis."

Sage offered me a hand. "We wanted to get you back quickly, in case that happened. And I know those urges don't leave very easily."

I swallowed, lacing my fingers with his. "They don't…"

He covered my hand with his other. "Do you still want to kill yourself?"

That was the armour piercing question I'd tried to bury with silence. I nodded, a sob slipping out and my hands covering my face to hide the expression I had to be making, as painful as it was to leave his touch. Sage shifted closer, putting his hand on my arm. Tessa just kept holding me.

Rowen stroked my hair. "You're safe with us."

Sage rubbed my arm. "The others never even took me to therapy. They offered to, but I didn't want it for years."

All of this sounded so surreal. So unbelievable I never thought I would find others like this. "They really… won't?"

Rowen shook his head. "You need control over your life, to heal from wounds such as this. We'd rather you feel safe than provide invasive care."

"That doesn't answer…" I sniffed, taking my mind off the track of how this was a little bubble. "Dad…"

Tessa rubbed my back. "We won't tell him until you're ready, and even then, we'll all be with you. He'll have to get through us, first…even if he wanted to. Which I doubt he will."

I couldn't keep running from what I was feeling and I hated it. "I'm— I'm scared to see him. I'd heard so much _about_ him and now that's… going to— I know she was wrong but I don't _believe_ it."

Her voice remained soft, but with a few notes of comforting fierceness. "He's nothing like she's said. I—I know that's…hard to believe. After…everything that happened…"

Her voice also hinted at how she was struggling to reconcile it all. Exactly why I hadn't wanted to speak to her about it. But here I was, breaking that commitment to myself.

I laughed dryly. "It's hard to reconcile the guy I know and the guy she said and…" I swallowed. "Facing. Being wrong about him…"

Rowen, to my surprise, spoke next. "I had to face that I was wrong about my father, too, and I'd lived with him since I was born." He looked down at the floor. "For the longest time I just thought he was pushing me to do better. That whenever he…ignored me for his projects, it was for a good reason. Because he had so much work to do, and that was how he supported us." A glance at Sage was almost more than he needed to say— he looked at Sage the way my sister looked at me. "But once I saw through it—once my friends, who cared enough to, told me what they saw was going on—I couldn't continue as I had been. It…still hurts. And I'm still dealing with all the emotions that come with that. The sting of betrayal may always be there. But it will eventually subside, with time and the help of those who truly care for us."

I choked on a sob, the words 'betrayal' resonating too deeply and pinpointing the twisting heart of these emotions. "I'd always thought he'd betrayed me but… it's just another thing _she_ did…"

Rowen put a hand on my shoulder. "From what I can tell, yes—but the only way to know that in your heart will be to speak with him, to hear it directly from him."

I looked down, the rest of my feelings about the conversation coming out. "I already spoke to him once and just want to die…"

Sage took my hand. "That was my reaction to stress for years— in a sense, it still is. But it is only one emotion of many."

I didn't want to admit what other emotions were there. "I'm scared."

Tessa rubbed my arm. "It's okay."

It didn't take long after that for a sense of the guys coming back to develop. Rowen left the apartment to let them in, the smell of food filling the place not five minutes later. Cye took one look at me, red-eyed on the bed, and softened. "Up for eating?"

I nodded. "Is there room on the couch?"

Ryo smiled in a way that made me feel safe. "We'll make sure of it."

We all piled into the living room and settled down to eat, me able to relax a little more at familiar routine. I sat in the corner of my sectional, Tessa beside me, Sage in front, Ryo and Cye rounding out the available seating. Kento and Rowen were on the floor, against the wall facing the couch. It was nice being able to have some people in my space, for once; I'd gotten such a large sectional _to_ have people over, after all. There was a pull-out bed that had been pushed down in the name of cleaning, and to give the guys a little more room. Using my couch as an actual couch, instead of a chair with a table attached. I could feel comfortable here, even if it was only for a little while.

"Anything else you want to bring?" Rowen asked, already nearly done his first burger.

I laughed a little darkly. "I… my watercolours would be nice, but I hardly have any, now. And I definitely don't have a portable one…"

Cyo munched on a fry. "We could go get some, after this, if you told us where. We still have a few hours before going into Montreal."

I shrugged. "They're… pretty messy."

Dawn picked up on a few thoughts I had on the topic, Tessa having heard many a time how much my mom and step-dad hated mess. Hated how much space watercolour took up. How much prep work. "I'm sure Dad'll be fine with them."

I let out a breath. "Except you've never really. Had to _experience_ it, in the house."

She put a hand on my shoulder, the other holding up her phone. "Want me to ask him?"

I looked at it and swallowed. "I… will."

She blinked in surprise before handing her phone over to me. I grabbed his number and typed it in with a shaking hand, the name "dad" in my phone for the first time since I moved out. I typed in a message with 'hey dad' and my name so he'd know who the new number was, waiting for his reply of 'hi sweetie'— a text I wanted to screenshot, it caused such a lump in my throat— before asking how he felt about painting.

'Plenty of wall space for it, if you want anything you've made hung up'

I laughed, wiping my eyes. 'Thanks. But… making it takes up a lot of room. And mess. I'd understand if you'd… rather that stay at my place'

His message was far longer than I expected. 'I can get Liv to bring caution tape from work if you're worried about your work getting moved or covered with something. Anything on the tables really isn't that important and can be moved around to give you space. If you need special materials I can get it for you, if you don't have room for it in your suitcase. I… really couldn't be happier if you have your own mini studio, here. I already have a fencing rack for Tessa and a piano for Kaden. Only fair you get an art space'

I swallowed, a tear slipping down my cheek. 'Dad…'

'I always wondered what I could do for you, should I ever be able to be your dad again'

'Thank you. I mean that'

'Love you, sweetie'

I could barely see my phone screen. 'Love you, Dad'

That conversation over, I put my phone down and buried my face in my hands. Sage reached over and put a hand on my knee. "I take it that was a yes?"

I nodded, unable to reply.

"Take your time telling us where we can go," Kento said softly. "There's still plenty of food to get through, first."

I laughed, rubbing my eyes. "He said he'd put a mini-studio in the house for me…"

Everyone smiled at that, Tessa squeezing me around the shoulders and Dawn bursting with happiness. When I wasn't forthcoming about anything else, we all went back to eating. Internally, I was still reeling from what my dad had said. He'd _sounded_ like a dad. An actual dad. _My_ dad. I felt cared for even if it wasn't going to happen right away. He was okay with it. Art space wasn't an afterthought. His first comment had been on hanging up my pieces. His second thought had been protecting my workspace, leaving it exactly as I'd wanted it.

I was safe. I could express myself. I could take up space.

Maybe one day I'd believe it.

—T—

 _"So, now you have a handle on telepathy…"_

Slightly surprised by the gentle telepathic prompt, I glanced up at Ryo and ungracefully swallowed the bite of my burger I'd been chewing. At my openness for him to continue, he asked, _"How're you feeling in all this? Sage…mentioned, what was going on with Alexa."_

That dreaded question, again. For all the writing I did, I didn't do well describing my own feelings on a _good_ day. Casting my eyes down at my food tray, I idly fingered the burger still in hand. _"I…I…guess I'm not really sure… I've been familiar with her for five years but it wasn't until…fairly recently that I've. Really even_ experienced _this side of her. And never in person…"_

 _"I understand."_ Wildfire's warmth wrapped around my shoulders like a low-level heated blanket, or a firm hug. _"Sage took his time, telling us about his attempts. He didn't want to burden us. He couldn't have known my PTSD made it impossible for me to feel calm about it, for awhile. It was only after all of us knew that it was manageable."_

I subtly shook my head at that, nibbling at a fry this time. _"It's…not even about her_ telling _me. It's…it doesn't even really…feel_ real _. Like it hasn't…even registered in my brain, the reality of it."_ Frowning, I clarified, _"Like, obviously I_ know _that. My mind knows how serious it is and how close she's come before, and I hear what she says and can never help but feel something. But usually it's just…sadness."_ Pause. _"I've…never_ thought _about how…I guess_ I _should feel about it."_

 _"That's alright."_ He glanced over at Sage, sitting on the other side of Kento and across from Alexa at our tables in the food court. _"I don't really feel anything about it, either, when I'm not frantic with worry. It's part of Sage. We learned to watch when the light in his eyes died down, when he stopped laughing at our jokes. It's like how the guys know when I can't sleep because I'm worried about them. It's just part of who we are, as a group."_

As the others laughed at some joke Cye made at Kento's expense, my eyes landed briefly on Rowen. Quickly casting my gaze elsewhere, I was nonetheless reminded of something I'd been curious about. _"Rowen said…he was there?"_

Telepathy translated the sense of a nod from him. _"Sage nearly jumped on subway tracks, the second time he attempted. Rowen flew as fast as he could to Sendai the minute he sensed Sage having a panic attack. He got there as Sage was leaning forward."_ He paused for a long moment, watching his fork idly swing back and forth above his plate. _"The first time, I was the one to save his life."_

I licked suddenly dry lips. Rowen would know what that stomach-dropping emotion felt like, then—and I wasn't entirely sure how close Alexa _hadn't_ been to…going through with it, before we found her. _"She…s-she said she would have killed herself, if…"_

Ryo gave off a feel of sorrowful understanding. _"We guessed as much the minute you were so eager to have Rowen check up on her."_

I grimaced, quickly hiding my embarrassment and the faintest warmth in my cheeks behind the last couple bites of my food. As transparent as I could be no matter how hard I tried, however, at least it had turned out to be in our favor.

Once I'd polished off the last of the fries, I said quietly, _"I…don't know how to thank you all…"_

 _"You can thank Sage. He… took the time to teach us how to handle cases like this."_ Ryo glanced over at me, eyes soft like the steady flame of a candle. _"And if you ever don't know what to do, how to help her…you can talk to us. Cye has a mental health specialty—he's taken every class he can on helping people in crisis. I've had to learn to manage being worried for these guys, with my grandmother's help. Rowen's been Sage's best friend through all of this. It can feel hopeless in the early stages, but with enough care and persistence, she'll be okay. Sage isn't quite there yet, but he's close, and all of us couldn't be happier for him."_

The advice lifted my spirits, a little; I smiled. _"Thanks."_ My gaze strayed back over to the others, watching my twin talking to Sage. There was the faintest curve of a smirk to her lips, eyes intent on him as he told what sounded like a kendo story. I smiled warmly at the sight. _"I…hope Sage, in particular, can maybe…help us all to help her. She's… No one can_ quite _understand like someone who's gone through the same thing."_

 _"How… isolated was she?"_

With a tiny sigh, I stared down at my hands folded on the table. _"I'm…kind of amazed they let her have as much outside contact as they did, to be honest. For all of how absolutely_ backwards _their thinking is, that_ cult _is amazingly adept at blending into the modern social environment. But…outside of the Internet, she didn't have—and still hardly has—any friends in 'meet-space'. I'm her closest friend, and we hadn't even met face to face until now."_

The black haired Ronin mulled over that new information. _"She seemed stressed, being around Sage and I. When I left, Sage mentioned she relaxed and opened up. I wondered if… they had anything to do with it. Cye suggested it's because she's autistic and doesn't know how to be around us."_

I pursed my lips thoughtfully, also taking the time to consider my answer. _"That's…probably part of it."_ Remembering what _else_ could contribute got angry heat leaping into my tone. _"But it's not like her mom did anything to make it easier. Little kids are cruel enough—but when their meanness is reinforced by constantly being told that stuff you do and say, that things you_ are _are the reason they're being like that? When you're constantly told you_ have _no redeeming qualities for others to like, and you might as well be a burden on_ everyone _? It doesn't exactly instill social self-confidence."_

Some of Ryo's dread filtered through the connection to me. _"She heard that?"_

I nodded curtly. _"Since as young as six, maybe younger."_

He swallowed, a gesture which I couldn't decide was more pained or angry. _"No wonder she can't stand being with too many of us at once…"_

 _"Mmmhm."_ I took a long pull of soda through my straw, managing to calm down. Much softer, I continued, _"She wears a mask to protect herself, more often than not. Even I've only gotten to see behind certain parts of it…probably because even in my case, she trusts me almost despite herself."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Her PTSD. Everything in her past that says no one could possibly ever actually care about her for what's_ under _that mask. That any care and affection is a lie because once they see the 'monster' lurking beneath, they'll run screaming in terror and-or try to destroy it."_

 _"I…can say I'm familiar with people like her. I got lucky in my grandmother loving me the way she did, but I know others aren't so lucky."_

Feeling curious, and also having a hunch, I raised an eyebrow at the Ronin of Wildfire. _"Sage's ojiisama?"_

He gave a subtle nod. _"And his older sister. For him, people_ did _run away— when they saw both his eyes. It's why he wears his bangs the way he does."_

A lightbulb went off in my brain. _"Ooooh. So_ that's _why!"_ At Ryo's understandable confusion for my response, I rubbed the back of my neck and sheepishly explained, _"I, uh, might have gotten a non-answer out of him when I asked, the first week I was in Japan."_

Ryo chuckled briefly. _"His gaze is quite intimidating, should you be on the wrong end of it. When he wears Halo, both eyes are visible. We were all very happy he never glared at us like that. Although him covering his eye lead to him receiving Halo, funnily enough."_

I couldn't help but mirror the chuckle, though half perplexed how _that_ came about. _"Really?"_

Another nod. _"An opponent in kendo threw sand in his eyes. His bangs protected him, so he was able to return a blow…and knock his opponent unconscious. He didn't say why he acted so viciously, which lead to him being punished. It was during that punishment Halo found him. Nobody knew until his opponent woke up and gave the story. Sage's actions saved their careers. Both of them could have been banned, Sage for an illegal strike, and his opponent for cheating."_

I blinked. _"Wow…"_ Thinking of the elderly patriarch of the Date family, though, had me wincing sympathetically. _"I bet Ojiisama was furious, when it happened."_

 _"Extremely. Sage was locked in the basement to meditate. I'm sure that didn't help his fear of the dark…"_

My jaw hung partially loose at hearing that. _"He…_ What _? Oh my God that's_ horrible _."_

 _"Ojiisama… indirectly helped lead him to his suicide attempt. Sage's first real crush was on a straight man, when he was expected to marry for an heir. His value on being a samurai, unimpacted by horror because that's what samurai were trained for, made Sage feel he had failed. While Ojiisama has never apologized, he did change once Sage confessed he had PTSD. His family doesn't even know about his suicide attempts, yet."_

At the thought of wondering if they would understand exactly why the feelings were so strong, I hesitated. _"Do they…know about the armors?"_

 _"They do."_ A smirk crossed his lips, eyes half-hooded knowingly. _"And yes, it was Rowen he had a crush on."_

Blood rushed to my cheeks, again, Dawn desperately trying to keep a hold on the scattered thoughts that wanted to fly in all directions at being caught. _"I thought I wasn't transmitting that,"_ I pouted.

His gentle laughter was appreciated, despite still wanting to lick my wounded pride. _"It takes some practice. Besides, I figured you'd guess, based on them pretending to date."_

I shook my head amusedly at that. _"I still can't believe they do that. Brats."_

The mirth in his voice grew louder, brighter. _"If you had a fanclub as dedicated as Sage's is, you'd want a break, too. I swear he went on over twenty dates in two years, from all the love confessions left on his desk. I think he only turned down one of them, all because she was absolutely sure she would get a date and would be in a relationship with him long term. Otherwise, he rewarded courage with at least some reciprocation. Especially if it was another man— his only long relationship out of those dates was after a boy in his class came out to him with a confession. It's a sweet story, really."_

Thinking of the girls in my kendo classes made everything click. Eyes wide, I deadpanned, _"Oh god. Yeah okay, good point, I don't blame him anymore."_

Ryo outright laughed at that. It was a carefree, almost wild sound—like a wolf's howl, in so far as it was unburdened by any inhibitions. I couldn't help grinning along with him, teeth half-bared with the strength of the emotions. Rowen raising an eyebrow and asking his leader what was so funny started a banter volley back and forth between the two, Kento and occasionally Cye throwing a few jabs and spears themselves.

Once it all died down, I made one last observation to Ryo. _"So, I take it Sage isn't…typically like this, then?"_

I'd been studying the pair during the insult hurling. Aside from sitting back to watch, they appeared to be otherwise wrapped up in their own conversation. Ryo contemplated them a few seconds, as well, then shook his head. There was a distinct note of scheming in Wildfire. _"Not in the slightest."_

Raising an eyebrow at him, I noisily finished my soda. _"Would you believe me if I said I never would have guessed, the way he acted around her on Skype?"_

The glance he threw my way said "go on." A mixture of chuckle and laugh bubbling in my throat, I smirked. _"It was like watching a completely different Sage. And he'd just given me a personal tour of Sendai that day where he got to gush about the great Date Masamune."_

 _"It takes him a very long time to loosen up around others. This is the fastest I've seen him be so caring."_ He turned his eyes back to them surreptitiously, simply watching their interactions as I had. _"I'm just…glad he found somebody else to be himself with. He hasn't been comfortable around others much since the War. We were even surprised he took you on, as a student—in hindsight, it's easy to see that Halo and Dawn likely had a hand in it."_

I managed a smile at that first observation. _"_ I'm _glad she seems to feel comfortable enough to open up with him, even a little. Also that they seem to have so much in common."_ An uneasy frown took over my countenance. _"How…_ much _influence do you think the armors have?"_

In all this craziness, the stuff of fantasy that had consumed the last seven days…there had been too many "coincidences."

Mentally ticking off the points in his mind, he said, _"For starters, Rowen and Kento meeting at Rowen's grandfather's shrine before the War, when Rowen had never really made friends with anyone before. Then there was how all five of us were in Tokyo when the War started, close enough Rowen was able to take a hit for me that would've taken me down for the count. Now, we have Sage training a new student when he's really only taken on one, previously, despite the number of requests. We can't quite measure how much they have, but it seems to be just enough it's weird."_

Just enough to be _weird_ , huh…

Before I could get much farther on that track, Kento's voice broke through my thoughts. "Yo, schemers, we're gonna be late."

…I'd been so involved in the conversation, I hadn't quite noticed everyone standing and tossing away their trash. A quick glance at my watch reiterated Hardrock's urgency.

It was time to officially get this train on the tracks…homeward bound.


	13. Chapter 13

**Warnings** : Cult material, Nazi mention

* * *

 _Chapter 13_

—#—

The atmosphere among their little band, Ryo noticed, had begun to soften as the hours aboard the penultimate leg of their journey ticked by. His conversation with Tessa carefully filed away in the back of his mind, Rekka watched Alexa attentively as she began to figure out the dynamics of their new posse.

He couldn't lie—the fact his and Sage's yoroi's powers inherently unnerved her was both disheartening and maddening. As the others pointed out often, Ryo had always been the type to reach out and help others with the enthusiasm of a shiba inu. Being unable to follow that instinct now stung, but not as much as knowing _why_ it unnerved her.

If anything, _that_ only made him wish he could go after the woman responsible, right then and there.

But right now, they had another job to do. Exacting justice could wait.

Kento had been right two days ago, when he said they knew hardly anything about this cult. They had been caught off-guard, in the bookstore; Ryo had been more glad than he could say that they had agreed not to let either girl out of their individual sight for longer than absolutely necessary. If Rowen hadn't been with Tessa, who knew if _she_ might not've been the one kidnapped—or the youja could have tried something else they didn't know about.

He resolved to ask Alexa about them, the next chance he got. For now, however, it seemed the group had decided to follow her lead and go explore the train. Something about an observation car, for all the scenery going by, and of course the food car for Kento and Rowen.

By the time they had leisurely made their way to the first destination, the other Ronin were also aware of the budding plan to find out more on the cult. While the twins peered out on the rolling hillsides through the window on one side of the train, Ryo let his eyes sweep across the mostly-deserted seating. Kento beat him to the one anomaly he spotted, however.

He half sauntered, half stalked over to a familiar raven-haired figure sitting roughly halfway down the car's length. Leaning casually against the empty chair beside the woman, he inquired, "So, not planning on barging into our room unannounced again, this time, are you?"

That didn't sound as jovial as his tone would suggest. Shooting a quick warning to Kongo not to lose his temper, the Ronin leader moved to intercept Alexa and Tessa before they could likewise spot Kayura and potentially panic. If the former's reaction to Dais was any indication, a warning would do her long term health some good.

Rekka made sure to emphasize his footfalls, the yoroi giving Kure an additional heads-up as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I'd like to introduce you to someone."

The girl nodded quietly. She seemed to allow herself to be steered across the aisle to where Kento now sat beside Kaos' successor. Noticing what was going on, the others moved closer—although maintaining a respectful distance from Alexa so as not to crowd her.

Kayura turned toward them all as they approached, smiling welcomingly at the sisters. Ryo made the introductions. "Alexa, this is Kayura. She's…another old friend of ours. You remember when I mentioned her before?"

Alexa gave another nod. "Nice to see your face."

The Ancient quietly chuckled, making a slight bow in her direction. "It is an honor, likewise."

A bit lost, Kure returned the gesture politely. Tessa stepped into the gap, smiling warmly at Kayura. "It _is_ nice to see you again."

"Yeah. Fancy running into you here, Kayura," Rowen quipped—part with amusement, and part with veiled undertones he couldn't name, but Ryo had a feeling came from their past conflicts.

She flashed him the barest of smiles, keeping her attention primarily on Alexa. "I hope you've been resting well."

"As well as can be expected. Thanks for asking."

The next question came from Cye, in a tone that implied more than his words belied. "Are you enjoying the views?"

"They're beautiful—it's very clear."

Unspoken reassurance that no youja or cultists had followed them lifted an unseen weight from their shoulders. Ryo almost hadn't even noticed he'd been carrying it, as familiar as he was with the feeling.

Something about that seemed to loosen Rowen's tongue. Slipping past Ryo and into the seat across from Kayura, he queried, "Dais had mentioned, last we spoke, that sometimes walls have ears even when no one's around. Seemed kinda strange to me—what do you make of it?"

The first inkling of hesitation showed, Spring's Bearer slow to answer directly. Figuring they could take advantage of this opportunity, Rekka suggested, "Would you want to join us? We could catch up somewhere…more private."

She quickly agreed. As the growing troupe ground into motion, feet shuffling and sliding out from the seats they'd taken, Ryo cast a glance at Alexa. The girl had gone unusually quiet, eyes down on the deep blue carpeting as they started to walk back toward their sleeper car. If she'd noticed, her sister gave no indication of it—walking ahead of her, just behind Kento in the narrow aisle.

Ryo quietly fell in step just behind and beside Kure, trying to decide how to voice what he was thinking. After a moment's thought, he posed a half-question. _"You seem uncertain, about this."_ Gently, he followed up with, _"May I…ask why?"_

There was a slight pause while she appeared to contemplate her response. _"Just. More new people who you all know…"_

The swordsman laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, briefly. _"All old friends have to start somewhere. Just look at Rowen or Cye with Kento."_

She seemed not to have a reply to that; they had reached the rooms by now, anyway. Wishing they could have continued the conversation, but knowing he had to prioritize the immediate situation first, he gestured for Sage to follow him and Kayura into the girls' room. The 'suites' were relatively tiny, especially with even three more bodies inside than there were intended to be. The last thing they needed was for all of them to cramp into the space when the others could listen in telepathically.

 _"I think this'll go a bit easier if we can keep the conversation to those of us in the room,"_ he told Rowen, Cye, and Kento. _"If you have comments, try to keep them between us, and we'll see about touching on them with the girls later, if necessary."_

They acquiesced silently, the logic sound to all of them. He picked a spot to carefully fold down onto the floor while Tessa and Alexa sat on the still put-away bed. Sage leaned against the wall beside Ryo as Kayura gathered her thoughts, then spoke.

"The brand of youja they're using is…somewhat different, but yet not completely so, from Arago's youja. These… _appear_ to be a hybrid variant which, at its heart, relies on Ancient magic rather than that of the youjakai."

An outside observer might have thought a bombshell had gone off in the room. Disbelief filtered from the other yoroi as Ryo echoed their sentiment: "How is that even possible?"

Alexa's simple sigh was an enormous contrast to the Ronin chaos going on behind the scenes. "Of course it is…!"

The voices paused in their muttering, all attention turned to her. Tessa pushed her lips to the side, brow furrowed in equal confusion. "What…do you mean, sis?"

She muttered unintelligibly under her breath before explaining, "They're very good mimics. Everything they taught was based off Balance, which they called Kinkou, and for the longest time I couldn't even tell the energies were different."

"How… How is that even _possible_ …" Ryo asked, half-rhetorically.

It wasn't. Unless… Well, he didn't want to think about _that_ possibility.

"At their heart, the youjakai energies are neither good nor evil," Kayura explained. "Arago's power and abilities came from the negative emotions of humans—greed, hatred, and the like. The stronger his influence in the youjakai grew, the greater his control over those energies, and thus his youja. I… _suppose_ it is possible that the cult's innate magic fused with that of Arago's, at some point, and created these we're dealing with today. I would hypothesize, however, that their magic is inherently Ancient in its nature—otherwise the cultists could not control the youja as they do."

"For all they talked about 'rulers in heaven' it wouldn't surprise me if they _talked_ to him."

Ryo could have sworn, for all Rekka regulated his body heat for him, that the room's temperature tanked at least five degrees. That was the second almost-complete freeze from all the listeners in this conversation in as many minutes, nearly.

The thought that Arago could have had a _direct hand_ in a cult—which had ended up in partial control of the failsafe against his reach into the ningenkai—turned his blood to ice. And he was certain the others were feeling the same.

Alexa had continued after a long second of their pause. She rocked herself as she talked. "It was called 'receiving a dictation'. There were dozens of books, pamphlets, prayer CDs, _prayers_ period, all about how to control this spiritual fire you had inside, and make it physical, and travel in that world without _being_ in that world, and see other places you weren't at… all of them coming from the leader of the cult, who did all the talking to the 'masters', as they called them. I thought they were delusions, but…"

His eye caught Kayura's deeply concerned glance toward him and Sage. The more this conversation went on, the less any of them liked what they heard.

 _"That would at least explain how Arago's techniques got to them, perhaps."_

Ryo licked suddenly dry lips and swallowed. _"It also explains what you sensed in her—she told us back in Toronto that her mother had some way to control Kure against her will."_

Sage picked up on that thread and weaved it into a question for Alexa, as Tessa wrapped her into a comforting hug. "Was that…how they placed the spell on Dusk?"

Alexa nodded, pulling her knees to her chest. "They called them decrees. Commanding energy to their will, basically. Prayed over me for hours when Dusk started showing up, until she burst through and I was so tired I slept for a day, after the fact."

Another glance between Kayura and the two Ronin brought them into agreement on that score. "Did any of that give your mother her teleportation powers?" Ryo asked.

He was starting to wish he weren't getting so good at guessing all this—she kept nodding affirmatively to his questions. "Manipulating spacetime. The physical body— hell, the physical _world_ — wasn't supposed to exist, so if you were advanced enough, you could teleport. Or you could shorten distances, so a trip that should've taken an hour takes half that time. My mom always said she was advanced but I never believed her, until…"

In the quiet that followed her trailing off, Rowen commented amongst the Ronin, _"Basic relativity theory stuff right there, it sounds like—just with the actual_ ability _to act on it."_

Kento's tone echoed the grimness in all their hearts. _"The more we learn about them, the less and less I like any of it."_

Ryo quickly did a once-over of Kure before completely turning to the telepathic discussion about to ensue. That dark void he had sensed many times before in Kourin yawned now in her; she had slowly sunk her head toward her knees until now her mouth was hidden behind them. Tessa had halfway curled up around her, as if to protect her not only from the threat of youja, but the conversation itself.

His heart burned and ached at the same time—anger at the pain that had been caused, and ache from knowing he could do nothing to ease it, for now. His fire would only do more harm than good, just as it had at Mount Fuji years ago.

Shaking those memories away, he tuned back in to Cye saying, _"I don't like it, either. This is shaping up to be a worse fight than at_ least _round one with Arago—and that alone was pretty bad."_

 _"None of this really tells us how to_ win _, though,"_ Ryo growled in frustration. At least with Arago, there had been a clear finish line, an obvious waypost toward victory. No matter how he tried to slice this, though, all he could see in any direction was more of the blasted fog that confounded them during the War.

 _"Understanding their goal would likely assist in that realm,"_ Kayura pointed out, either knowingly or unknowingly hitting on the very essence of his own thoughts.

Sage had another, different but equally important point to make. _"She's already pushing herself to tell us all this, as it is. And for now, we have the time to wait and help her sort through this, just as much as we are."_

For the third surprise of their chat, Alexa exhaled and spoke. "I know more about this than I should, really."

Tessa smiled softly at her, shaking her head. "It is what it is—and what it _is_ is awesome intel."

The smirk that curved Alexa's lip also reminded him of Rowen, when he was scheming to prank someone. "I was in training to be the leader, so I'm probably one of the highest ranking defectors they've ever had."

Her sister's feral grin in return hardly registered over the record scratch in his mind—which also drowned out the thought that Ryo could see why Rowen would be attracted to the younger girl. "Then they better be shaking in their boots right now, or we'll have to go give them a reminder why."

All the Ronin were stunned just as silent by the realization they were dealing with not only a cult _leader_ as their antagonist, but something of a cult power struggle, as well. It was Rowen who, after a long pause, put words to what they were thinking.

 _"What the hell were they trying to_ DO _with this cult?"_

 _"I don't wanna say they were supervillains wanting world domination, but…"_ Kento trailed off uneasily.

The bookworm snorted with dark humor. _"Took the words right out of my head, Kento."_

Alexa cast her eyes downward once more. "S'why they want me back so badly… I'm stronger than my mom, magically, and can break her spells once or twice. Anything more than that and I collapse."

He wasn't quite close enough to put a hand on her shoulder, but he allowed Rekka to carefully reach out to the little protective bubble she'd erected around Kure. "Well, hopefully we don't need more than that. If all's gone well, they haven't tracked us far enough to know where we're headed, and they won't pick up our trail in Virginia. But anything you can tell us will…certainly be helpful."

She snorted. "Where should I start? They've been at this for over a century, building up their base after this one woman went to Japan and spotted all the philosophy there, and made a stop to India on the way. Her policies influenced Nazi Germany, to give you an idea how _evil_ it got."

A shuddering ripple of horror and disgust ran through the men. They all knew their own national history well enough to imagine _that_. Once those emotions were under control and stuffed away, Ryo offered, "If narrowing it down helps, I guess… Are they capable of anything we should be especially wary of?"

Her hands smoothed up and down her thighs. "Does cutting into armour count?"

Ryo dragged a hand down his face. Sage, this time, voiced his leader's thought. "Right. That."

She smirked again, darkly. "Watch out for flaming swords." Her hands stilled above her knees, gripping her legs as if to steel herself. Her voice quieted, seeming almost shy. "There's also the suits of armour they use as protection, which I _have_ seen… you guys got lucky I could destroy one, when you saved me…"

As his brow furrowed thoughtfully, Sage questioned, "The one at the door, correct?" Alexa nodded; he tossed another clarifying query her way. "They wouldn't happen to be animated suits of armor controlled with spirits or spirit energy, would they?"

Her dry chuckle didn't bode well. "Worse. They're animated suits of armour controlled with youja energy that reconstitute so long as there's somebody acting as puppetmaster."

 _"…So, bucketheads on a refresh cycle._ Great _,"_ Cye groused.

"Well, at least we're _pretty_ familiar with the basic concept—but good to know," Ryo said.

"Is there a way we can take them out?"

Her answer to Sage was a half shrug. "You have to snap their connection to their puppetmaster. So if you can sense youja energy, _and_ sense the one controlling them, _and_ have the ability to snap that point of contact, then sure."

He, Sage, and Kayura all shifted uneasily. "Sensing it is one thing. But…"

Kayura picked up where Ryo trailed off. "We may possibly be able to manage it. I can at least work with the _mashou_ to test a few hypotheses, in the meantime."

Alexa began rocking again, more noticeably this time. "I find it _relatively_ easy, if not exhausting." She laughed dryly. "You need to be angry enough that that _thing_ exists to even have a chance."

Ryo gave her a tight, grim smile. "I don't think _that_ will be much of a problem, at least."

He regretted the fierceness behind his words at seeing timidity in her glance. "You probably have the best chance, for how they're fire controllers…"

They used fire to control the youja. In the space of a blink, it all clicked; he softened his demeanor, nodding appreciatively toward her. "Thank you. I…know this is…difficult for you to talk about."

Sage, as always, picked up on his intention and voiced what he had ineloquently left out. "And again—we all wish it weren't necessary to discuss such…dark topics. You deserve that much, at least."

The girl managed a half smile. "Tessa said it best. It's good intel. It's not like it does any good staying locked up, so I might as well show it all."

As much as Alexa had proved to be stubborn when it came to talking about herself, Sage was equally stubborn about courtesy. Once he'd insisted they owed her the thanks they'd expressed, he glanced meaningfully at Ryo and added, "You deserve your rest, after all this. We'll leave you two be, for a little bit."

Rekka caught a glimpse as he stood of the look in her eyes that said she had one last piece to say. "The one thing I _can't_ stop is their swords. Because they're constantly putting power into it, I… don't know how to just snap the momentum. If you're face to face with them, I can't help you. Guardians— the suits of armour— I can. Those I can't."

Kayura seemed thoughtful, at that. "Through Ancient power, you might be able to, with the proper training."

Rowen's voice whispered through the back of his mind almost as the same time as the Ancient spoke. _"I wonder how my shields would fare against them…"_

That thought didn't cheer her as perhaps Kayura had hoped it would. His heart went out to her again, watching her almost visibly shut down. The little ball she had become fit closely into her sister's embrace, and Ryo knew that was their cue to leave.

He, Sage, and Kayura quietly departed, at Rekka's urging—not that Kourin needed to be told, for how familiar he was with what she was likely feeling just then. As much as they both worried about Alexa, however, they knew they could do no better than to give her space, time, and her sister. Those would, in the long term, be the best sort of medicine to help heal her hurts.

To their surprise, Ryo had hardly laid his hand on the latch to the second of the three rooms they'd reserved before their door opened again. Alexa lead the way, her hand held tightly in Tessa's as she followed close behind. He could have sworn Tessa's eyes met his for a split second—apologetically, maybe?

 _"Sage?"_

 _"I got it."_

Forcing out the tension that had crept into his shoulders, the Ronin leader turned back to the door and stepped over the threshold. Kayura joined them in the tight space, though keeping toward the entrance to alleviate crowding.

The moment he heard the latch snick shut, he exhaled explosively and ran a hand through his messy locks. "This is worse than Arago."

"You can say that again…" Kento muttered, folding his arms over his chest crossly.

"I for one don't like the sound of those swords," Rowen said darkly. "We caught a mere _glimpse_ of what they did to Kure, and she's apparently _supposed_ to be resistant to them. What the hell would one of those do to _us_?"

Cye remained slightly more level-headed than his compatriots. "What… does her armour even look like?"

Ryo did have to admit, he was just as curious—Rowen and Sage had been the only ones to get even a glimpse, since the others had been busy leading ranchers on a wild Ronin chase. The archer immediately spat, "Like White Blaze mauled her not a minute ago. Angry red gouges like someone just took a chunk out of hot steel. The armor itself, though? Subarmor just like ours, only in pale green and dark purple." As the venom left his voice with the last bit, he paused to mull something over. "Almost like someone crossed Sekhmet's armor with purple instead of burgundy, come to think of it."

Upon hearing the state of Alexa's armor, Suiko had gone into medical mode. "I wonder if those wounds still hurt her, and if she'd let Sage at least _look_ …"

Ryo shook his head, more urgent thoughts pressing against his skull. "At this exact moment, probably not. It might end up waiting until we get to Tessa's place, at the least. But it's definitely something we should keep in mind."

Kento nodded in agreement. "Can't imagine how it feels to _get_ them, and if it was magic… Did she mention anything about that?"

"They use fire to control the youja, and give the swords their power. It's…probably why she's scared of my and Sage's yoroi," the Ronin of Fire replied sadly.

Kento glared at the floor as if he might punch straight through it. "Damn."

"You can say that again," Rowen muttered in a perfect imitation of Kongo earlier.

They fell into a moody silence—but only for a few moments before Cye broke it.

"You…know what this means, right?" At their curious looks, he said grimly, "If they decide to fight us—or we have to take matters into our own hands—the chances any one of us sustains serious injury just increased dramatically. We don't even know if those wounds are _possible_ to heal. Those marks could be just as permanent as they are on Kure."

The air in the room felt thick as if with storm clouds, tense enough Ryo probably could have cut it with one of the Rekka ken. To their surprise, Sage telepathically offered a reply. _"We should wait until I can see what those marks feel like, before we even consider taking them on. I_ think _they can be healed, but we can't know until she lets me close enough to sense her."_

"If they're capable of even half of what Alexa described, chances are we _will_ be taking matters into our own hands. There's no way the police can handle this," Ryo insisted.

"We don't even know if _we_ can handle them, Ryo!" Kento protested vehemently. "Do I need to make the point about how much more bad than Arago this is? Again?"

Rowen, tight-lipped and grim, lifted up the Ancient's book. "I can't decide whether to call it fortunate or unfortunate that the girls _might_ be able to do what we can't."

 _None_ of them liked that idea—their pride as warriors being the least of the reasons why. Ryo crossed his arms irritably, trying to keep a leash on his temper. "Alexa might have the instincts and inside know-how to handle them. But neither of them have the martial arts training we do. They've not been in a conflict like this before."

"Tessa's training for the American military," Cye reminded him evenly. "And don't forget why she even came to Japan in the first place—Sage has taught her kendo, in addition to her fencing experience. That's gotta count for something."

"It's nowhere near the same thing, Cye—you of all people should know that," Rowen quipped snippily. Ryo actually eyed his comrade with some concern; he knew Rowen could have a temper to match Rekka, but it was rarely so quick to surface.

But then again, they had _all_ been under quite a bit of pressure, lately.

Suiko held his hands up defensively, palms out, but his voice remained cool. "All I'm saying is they're likely more capable than we give them credit for. Kinkou would not have chosen them, _to protect us_ , were they not."

 _That_ little fact shut everyone up. All that remained was grim resignation, agreement—and a promise to do whatever they could to prevent history repeating itself.


	14. Chapter 14

**Warnings:** Cult discussion, assault mention, suicide attempt discussion

* * *

 _Chapter 14_

—A—

A few hours of quiet, watching trees go by— this route would be drop-dead gorgeous in October, when the leaves changed— and some food later, I was feeling a little more myself after exposing old wounds. I knew it was unhealthy, to display every wound and personal anecdote in this way. I couldn't quite bring myself to care, or put the wall back up.

Despite Rowen's apology, I knew exactly how necessary this all was. I could handle the vulnerability of everyone knowing this later. I could give my actual feelings on the matter _later_. I consoled myself with how all I'd said was events. I hadn't said the feelings, the intensity of the flashbacks, the haunting notes in my voice.

My meal still rested on my tongue, hardly anything upsetting my stomach. "I'm kind of amazed how many things I can eat, lately…"

Tessa leaned against me. "It _is_ nice to see your appetite coming back, sis."

I laughed. "Mirtazapine is magic."

Kento chuckled. "It sure looks like it. Soon enough, you might even beat out Rowen's appetite."

Rowen raised an eyebrow. "You mean yourself, don't you, Ken?"

I blushed, remembering various numbers. "Well I should be eating upwards of three thousand calories a day, so…"

Everyone nodded; Tessa rubbed my back encouragingly. "You'll get there—you're already well on your way, even."

I managed a smile at her proud tone, but otherwise couldn't keep talking. I never knew if people were okay with me talking about medication and my eating disorder— I was casual about it around Tessa, but not everyone was comfortable with it. And I still didn't know them well enough to be able to tell. Considering that comment was supposed to have been about my allergies, I was already feeling the sting of misinterpretation opening up doors I didn't want to even draw attention to.

Rowen hefted the book he'd been carrying high enough for me to see. "Want to… hear what's in the book about Balance?"

Now it was Tessa's turn to be quiet, for reasons I couldn't figure out. Still, that left me in the position of talking. "Might as well."

He awkwardly cleared his throat. "Where would you like to start?"

I smirked, considering the previous conversation I'd had today. "Shouldn't you be asking me what I already know?"

Kento muffled a laugh at his friend's expense.

Rowen backtracked. "Well… Yeah, I guess. I just thought you two might have some questions about what you can even do, so I…wanted to at least give you that opening."

I shrugged. "Kinda want to know more about _why_ it split, I guess."

He shifted awkwardly, just drawing attention to how everyone around me was quiet. I tried not to have tears bubble up that they all knew something I knew _differently_ , and it was bad enough they all didn't know how to broach it— or worse, felt the need to actively hide it from me.

Kayura finally spoke. "From what we understand of Kaos' notes, it…appears he built a certain. _Duality_ into Kinkou. However, it would only manifest as Kure and Akatsuki should the Bearer—or in this case Bearers—it passed to were so close as to seem identical, and yet as different as the ocean is from the land."

I snorted at how directly opposite that was to my memory. "So of course it wasn't some evil plot to weaken the power structures supporting the world. Good to know."

"It certainly wasn't," Kayura said, reassuring. "In all honesty, it is far more likely the yoroi chose to split of its own accord than from any direction by Kaos or other forces of which we are unaware. All the yoroi have displayed some level of similar sentience at different times."

Sage inclined his head towards Tessa and I. "You both are still and will be incredibly powerful—moreso than any one of us, and only a few steps below Inferno."

Rowen picked up the continued topic. "If anything, Balance's power has only _multiplied_ by splitting. Although individually you can only access the so-called duality of your half, Kaos hinted at the ability to rejoin the two—again, much like Inferno. _Unlike_ Inferno, however, you _both_ should maintain the full power of the original armor."

"Sword and shield," I murmured. "I have the shield, she has the sword. If by some miracle I manage to pull up the full thing, I'm nothing but defence."

Tessa tried to be reassuring. "Don't forget, sis—Link's shield bash was as valuable a skill as any of his other Hidden Skills. And I've heard of shield edges being sharpened for combat."

I quirked a smile in some semblance of appreciation, internally wanting to cry at how she'd missed my point— and from flashbacks threatening. "Except when you're up against swords that can cut through defenses but if you had a weapon, you could at least defend yourself." I shook my head. "Sorry. I'm bitter. I know full well how useful shields are, but all those bits of knowledge didn't stop the cuts…"

She put an arm around my shoulder and hugged me. Sage leaned forward, voice soft. "Should you ever want me to look them over, I could… perhaps see if they can heal."

I shrugged. "They're there. I've learned to live with them. They haven't healed in nearly a decade, so I'm not holding my breath."

He remained firm. "We would like to know if they can be healed, at least, for our own awareness."

Well that left me with no choice. Again. I looked down at my lap. "I'll think about it."

The topic meandered along those lines, explaining how part of the armours worked, me asking a question to disprove the cult. Part of me felt good, establishing the breadcrumbs of lies. Part of me wanted to curl up in a ball and cry at how many lies I had believed for so long. That was the worst part about learning this. I had _believed_ it.

We changed trains just as the sun was beginning to set. The guys had lugged my bags on the train, so the least I could do was—

Attempting to lift my bag with my left hand got radiating pain straight from my forearm. I dropped it with a hiss, gripping my forearm with the only hand that didn't hurt. I could barely stay standing.

"I got it," Ryo murmured. Sage stood beside me, hand on my shoulder.

Tessa looked back to me not out of the train yet. "You okay, sis?"

"Feels worse than a _crack_ …" I murmured to myself. I finally found my voice loud enough to say, "Okay enough."

Sage helped me off, stepping in front of me so I could rely on him to jump off instead of the handrail. There was something incredibly romantic about that, and I couldn't help but smile up at him appreciatively. "Thanks."

He smiled back. "It's nothing." More seriously, he added, "Would you… like another massage, on the next train?"

I nodded.

They got my suitcase on the next one, the last one, and we made our way to where we were supposed to spend overnight. Murmurs about wanting to explore this train came through, but I shook my head. I'd hit my breaking point, being around crowds. And six others was definitely _a crowd_. Tessa was torn between wanting to stay with me and wanting to satisfy her own curiosity. I nudged her towards her own life, insisting I'd be fine without her for a little.

Sage and I retreated to one of the rooms, me sitting on the bed while he stood. "Do you want just your shoulder, or your whole back?"

I rubbed the very sore joint. "Can I start with whole back and end with my shoulder?"

He nodded. I lay down and let him get to work. Almost as soon as he started, I exhaled, _needing_ the pressure and pain after everything that had gone on. It had all been so new, so strange, so utterly horrifying I just wanted to rake my nails over my skin again. But I hadn't been alone to do it.

This was the next best thing. As selfish as I felt, receiving two massages in not even a week.

"I wish I could repay you with a return massage," I murmured awhile later. "But…"

His smile was in his voice. "No need."

I opened one eye to look at him. "I want to, though. Just. My arm…"

He shifted attention back up to my shoulders, going to massage my bicep. "Does it… hurt you often?"

I shook my head. "I forget I'm in pain most of the time, honestly. Except when I try to actually use my left hand. Or rest my head against something."

He paused. "Your head?"

I glanced away self-consciously. "Hit it pretty hard when they dragged me into the car."

His hands moved to my other arm, releasing tension and staying mindful of bruises, but he helped. He wasn't going _rough_ on me— far from— but he pressed hard enough to break through the knots that had built over a day of peeling back bandages on rotten flesh. From being around six people. From telling stories whose grains of truth I still hadn't revealed.

He stayed sitting beside me on the bed when he was done, a hand on my back. "Are you afraid of anything?"

I swallowed, otherwise staying quiet. Speaking ill about his friends was a risk I didn't want to take.

He rubbed my back softly. "I've been in your position before, where the others acted… in such a way that made me feel worse. As much as I know Ryo's heart is in the right place, sometimes he in particular can get difficult to speak to, about how my mind works."

I exhaled. "He mentioned all good friends start as strangers but that wasn't why I hesitated having Kayura in the room."

"What _did_ make you hesitate?"

I brought my arms up so I could rest my head on my hands. "I'm never going to catch up to you guys. You'll _always_ be better friends with each other than with me."

"And you'll always be better friends with Tessa than with us," he replied. After a pause, he continued, "But that isn't it, is it?"

I shook my head. "I've never been in a group this big except watching it."

He squeezed my shoulder, fingers magically finding the tension already building back up. "And how does watching it make you feel?"

"Alone…" I turned my head to look at him a little more directly. "I watch all the inside jokes go over my head and all the teasing and banter I've never been able to understand and all the little mini groups form without me. I'm always just talking to one person or watching other people talk without me because I'm the black sheep and even _in_ the cult I was the odd one out from Dusk and junior leader and nobody wanted to be with the weird girl."

He chuckled softly. "And here I appreciated being with the group, because when it was four others around me, there was less attention on me and my suicide attempt. It… made me feel human, instead of like glass."

The sheer oppositeness of the experiences brought a smile to my face, despite myself. The mood couldn't last, though; I sighed moments later. "I'm always scared people will treat me like glass, when they know all the trauma I have."

His hand smoothed over my hair, this time. "Fear of being treated like glass is one of the lingering drivers to suicide, for me. While it did not fuel my original attempts, it did fuel later desires."

I nodded. "I'm not the huge risk everyone makes me out to be." A small chuckle made its way out. "I'm a witch, and a _good_ one, too. I'm vain enough to believe that. I feel like fighting is in my blood, even though I've never fought. I've never _needed_ to. But if I'm face to face with a Guardian, they get destroyed or I control them and only my mom's the wiser."

He laughed along with me. "I'm sure you are." Silence hung for long moments, while Sage seemed to weigh his next words. "Are you afraid of us?"

"Individually? Not really…" I cast my eyes down. "I can charm my way out of nearly everything, and you all seem nice enough. But collectively…"

His voice maintained the same softness as it had this whole conversation. "What's different about us collectively?"

I swallowed. "If I hurt one of you then I have four other people coming to gang up on me and tell me I'm in trouble, or if I say something that one or two of you are fine with but the rest aren't then you're going to pick them over me because you've known them longer and I have to keep track of five different conversation styles and how you change when you're around each other all at once."

"Like a house of cards, waiting to collapse?" At my nod, he stroked my hair again. "We're more like a skyscraper. Our individual pieces can all take an earthquake differently, allowing the whole structure to absorb the shock and remain standing."

I couldn't get past the words on my tongue; they tumbled out of my mouth before I could even think. "I don't believe you."

"I understand."

Now I was talking feelings. I was touching nerves instead of veins. I hid my face against my arms, letting tears flow out and desperately wanting a hug but not wanting to ask. Sage— Halo— sensed my thoughts, hand nudging my elbow and armour nudging armour to encourage me. I got up and he _held me_ , letting me curl up in his lap and coil around him while his arms wrapped around my back and shoulders. I could grip his shirt and cry, release everything that had been building up for a day. Dawn found me and helped soothe my trembling nerves, but at the thought of her coming I didn't want her to. I mean, I did want her to, but not now, not in a situation where I didn't want to hinder her own progress in making friends with these guys.

I didn't want her to get sick of me dragging her away from fun with other people, all because I couldn't stop crying.

That didn't stop my appreciation from her continued presence, believing in what was perhaps a moment of weakness that she'd stay with me.

Sage rubbed my spine. "Is there anything I can do?"

I laughed bitterly. "Change the colour of your powers?"

He blinked. "What?"

I realized just how much of a can of worms I had opened, with that. Not able to back out of it now, I murmured, "Cult healers had green light associated with them…"

He pulled back to look at me, hand on the nape of my neck. "I am so sorry…"

"S'not your fault," I murmured, looking down. "I'm… probably more scared of regular doctors, at this point. At least with you it's just sensing."

His thumb stroked the base of my skull. "Do you want to keep talking about this?"

I shook my head.

His lips curved up in the smallest of smiles. "Poetry?" That got me to smile back. A few moments later I was against him, him with two poetry books in hand. "Japanese, or English?"

I shrugged. "Don't feel like having a preference…"

He snaked an arm around me and squeezed. "There's a poem I'd like to show you, in Japanese, if you'd accept that."

"Whatever you want."

He flipped the book open to a well-worn, dog-eared page. A little piece of tape over the edges made it easy to find, just by touch. While I couldn't understand any of the words, I saw a single ceramic bowl, plain brown, veined in gold. My eyes were drawn to it, the slight metallic sheen to the cracks glittering in the light.

"Are you aware of kintsugi?"

I shook my head.

His fingers trailed over the illustration. "It's a Japanese practice, to repair broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer— something that adds instead of detracts value. To show how something broken has a history, something that makes it unique. It takes an incredible amount of time and effort to do properly, outside of the expense of the materials themselves, but the pieces are highly prized. The poem itself is about a broken soul, put back together with the same joinery."

I cast my eyes down. "Oh…"

He rubbed my arm. "I discovered it after I attempted suicide. Considering… I have a scar, from my first attempt, it was comforting."

"I would think."

He took a breath. "You're not the only one afraid of armours, among us."

I blinked, glancing up at him despite myself. "Are…"

He nodded. "Cale, the Warlord of Darkness, has black lightning that mirrors my own. His darkness absorbed my light, rendering me powerless. If it hadn't been for Kaos, I would have died, facing him."

I sighed. "Leave it to me to have darkness based powers and preferring darkness to the light…"

"I believe it will help me, to be around somebody who can expose me, little by little." He turned his head toward me. "I believe the same could be said for you."

I snorted. "You showed me that poem just to tell me how I'm not alone, didn't you."

He shook his head. "I showed it to you as a reminder you— all of us— can heal. And perhaps to… tell you of my own wounds, so you wouldn't feel alone. I remember how much loneliness hurts."

"I don't have any scars," I murmured. "Physical ones, at least." I tried to forget that my armour's scars existed. I didn't know how to classify them.

"I'm glad," he said. Softly. Gently. "That doesn't mean the mental ones aren't as painful."

Thoughts of injuries just brought me back to my throbbing arm, how I hadn't been able to really use my left hand, how my dad was a doctor so he'd be fretting over me. How I might have the conversation about a cast again. How it might turn into surgery. I hid against Sage, slightly. "Or the ones that don't even leave scars…"

Sage paused for a few moments, Halo ebbing and flowing. "Would you… like me to try and change the colour of my healing?"

I swallowed. That possibility was _appealing_. My whole body hurt, I was starting to struggle to function during the day. But it was magic. "Maybe…"

"You should take your medication, before we start," he said. "You… might fall asleep, depending on your own energy stores."

My laugh was bitter. "Considering it's 'running on near empty', yeah, probably."

He stayed on the bunk as I got my meds, chasing a pill down my throat with water. It was so early— barely eleven— and I'd be in hell in early evening, and I'd need to get up within hours to get _off_ the train. And I was still sleeping like a rock. But the thought of pain stopping for once in my life was too good a chance to pass up. Especially right before I could be examined all over again.

I ended up back in Sage's arms, barely propped up by pillows, this time. He rubbed my back now that my arm was against his chest. "Do you want Tessa here?"

I paused before shaking my head."I'd… my mom always left after she healed me and wasn't around and part of what I'm scared of is…"

Dusk filled in 'being alone' for me. Sage squeezed me. "I won't leave you. I've slept against Rowen in tighter spaces."

I laughed, tension draining out. "Not much tighter, I bet…"

He chuckled. "It sometimes feels like it, for how tall we are." Before I could continue, he opened his palm to golden light. I stared at it, Dusk drawn to its overall presence. It felt like Sage, but… vulnerable. It matched the light in his eyes, his whole countenance uncertain. "Are you alright with this energy healing you?"

I put my hand in the light, feeling the same warmth as when he massaged me. It was caring, and soothing, and powerful— and unrestrained.

"How much?"

He understood my meaning, at least. "As much as you are comfortable with me healing."

I had to think about that. "My arm, and head, and my knee, and if there's any bone bruising in my side…"

He squeezed me. "As you wish."

That golden light flowed down through Dusk, through my body— as it sank in deeper, my eyes fluttered closed. Pain melted away, my medication not having to work as hard to have me fall asleep. My joints stopped tugging out of their sockets. I felt _loved_ , gently, unconditionally. Part of me felt like I was just making it up, but for now, I was going to take it.

Sage's voice was soft in my mind. _'Sleep well.'_

I couldn't even form a response.

—~—

Sage released Kourin when Alexa was on the fringes of unconsciousness, her body and Kure exhausted from the start. Exhausted _before_ the start. She'd been right, that she was running on empty. Despite all the food, she was drained almost beyond belief. He'd barely been able to do anything, comparatively, to what he normally did.

What had they done to her, she had gone from sensing him halfway around the world to being nearly comatose after a simple healing?

She relaxed against him, shifting to take up more space. He took off her brace to help her feel settled, _still_ having more room than when he and Rowen curled up on one of their single beds. Her using his chest as a pillow helped that, the way her body curled against him and her now-healed arm across his torso. She held him much like an oversized stuffed toy, her ear over his heart and fingers loosely tangled in the folds of his shirt. Other than a small adjustment after her brace was gone, she wasn't moving.

It was _different_ , laying beside a woman. She fit in the crook of his arm, and her body was softer. She didn't have the hard, muscular physique Rowen or Yūsei did, but she was still bony— her elbows sharp and shoulder blades knife-edges. But there was the promise of softness in her arms, the way her back curved effortlessly. The way her breathing felt against him, rising and falling in steady rhythm.

It was a different kind of strength. Instead of ready to protect him, hers was the strength of trust.

Trust after he had changed something for her, after he was worried it had been gone forever. Golden light as familiar as his own heartbeat, but had escaped his grasp for years. He hadn't felt that energy in his soul since before he attempted suicide— since PTSD had taken rulership of his mind. The light that had prevented his corruption, during the War. Light the War had managed to rip away after its end.

And it had been just beyond the surface.

He didn't know how he felt that his lifeblood, his _spirit_ , what had driven him during the War, had been so far away, so out of reach, only to come back with a simple conversation. Already it was slipping away again, but Kourin held fast to its source of strength.

It was his first reprieve in six years.

Part of him just wanted to cry. In relief or from pain, he didn't know.

Akatsuki brushed up against Kourin, hesitantly. _'How's… everything?'_

Sage looked down at the top of Alexa's head. _'She fell asleep, after I healed her arm. She's fine.'_

 _'Oh.'_ She paused a moment. _'Do you…? Should I…?'_

He caught her meaning— if she should come over— and gave the sense of a headshake. _'I asked if she wanted you here, and she said no. She wanted_ me _to stay, above all else.'_

She blinked in surprise. _'She did?'_

He nodded, absently stroking Alexa's back. _'Her mother would… heal, although I hesitate to call it_ healing _, knowing what little I do, and would leave. She didn't want that repeated.'_

Akatsuki gave off an impression of sorrow. _'I remember… Thank you. For showing her it doesn't have to be that way.'_

Sage simply held the girl in his arms. _'It's nothing. And I'm sure she'll be happy to have you near when she wakes.'_

Her chuckle was interrupted by a yawn. _'Well, I'm probably going to steal my room back in a little bit anyway, so. No worries there, I think.'_

Sage blushed, feeling more than a little caught in the implications of his current position. _'I don't think she will let me leave this bed, unfortunately.'_

Tessa returned a long pause. Eventually, she coughed. _'W-Well, uh…I guess I'll just. Take your spot over here, then?'_

 _'That would appear to be the case,'_ Sage replied, trying to rub the heat from his nose. _'Apologies.'_

Her laughter was muffled with exhaustion. _'It's okay. I'm kind of about to crash, anyway. If anything, I should thank you—once for helping us, and again for making it I don't have to move.'_

That broke the tension between them; he laughed with her. _'Oyasumi, Tessa-chan.'_

 _'Oyasumi, Seiji-niichan.'_

It didn't take very long for Rowen to come into the space and investigate. Tenku lingered on the gold now threading Kourin's green, warm happiness at sensing it once more. The moment he stepped into the room, he paused and smiled at the scene— and the fact Alexa was effectively holding Sage in place. "I take it the healing went well?"

Sage swallowed and nodded, remembering just what she had revealed. "She… was afraid of _green_ associated with healers. Once I could change the colour of my abilities, she was more receptive."

His eyes widened in wonder. "You what?"

He lifted his hand, that same golden energy flowing out like water. "This… was what I used, when Ryo was poisoned. I thought it was gone forever."

Rowen's jaw was half hanging off its hinges. "I…didn't even think we could _do_ something like that…"

Sage closed his hand, returning his arm to around Alexa. "I had to try, for her. Finding out it was green light specifically that triggered her…" He swallowed, still reeling from how exposed he felt, tapping into this light. "It… I had to pull from my spirit, instead of Kourin."

"You changed your whole style of healing for one person," Rowen said. His tone was reverent, almost, him still awed by any of their armours changing. He paused, glint in his eye turning mischievous. "Still sure Kourin-kun doesn't have a crush?"

Sage chuckled softly, thinking back on his behaviour and earlier denial. "At this point, I'm not sure. You of all people would know."

Rowen smirked, leaning against the wall. "Well, Ryo did mention he had an interesting conversation with Tessa about that, today." At Sage's eyebrow rising, he snickered. "Even Tessa noticed you seemed… different, talking to Alexa. And she's known you all of two months, maybe?"

He shook his head. "There is something to be said, about Alexa." His voice quieted. "The fact… we have so many shared experiences, and I haven't even told her about Ojiisama in detail, yet."

"After all, shared experience is why all _our_ bonds are so strong, yoroi connection aside." Now it was Rowen's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Although according to Ryo, Tessa was referring to _before_ you physically met."

Sage laughed softly. "She's attractive, I will admit. I was genuinely more struck by how similar they looked, however."

Rowen chuckled in return, still with a glint in his eye that said this was a game. "Okay. I'll bite off on that."

Two could play it. "It would be wise to do so, for yourself."

Rowen cleared his throat, making a point to glance at everything except the bed. "You might have to explain that one, Sensei."

Sage inclined his head, keeping his voice soft. "I would say you have a similar connection to Tessa, as I do to Alexa."

He stared at the floor, arms crossed. "Even if we do, I only want to be her friend."

"That bond can be just as strong, brother. I'm glad if you can find somebody else to care for, and to care for you." Sage cleared his throat, glad to bring another person into this plan. "Regardless, Alexa and I would like to ensure her boyfriend is worthy of her."

Rowen glanced up. "What did you have in mind?"

He smirked. "It was Alexa's idea. I'll compliment Tessa in her boyfriend's presence, to see how possessively he reacts to her receiving attractive male attention. We'll make sure he knows my qualifications, as well. I suggested Alexa compliment Tessa's boyfriend, to compare reactions."

Rowen paused for long moments before barking out a laugh. "Who are you, and what have you done with Sage? I swear, Kento's pranks must have finally rubbed off on you." He shook his head, amused smile fading. "And yes, I know this isn't _just_ a prank. I would love to see that dirtbag react to the five of us, as well—preferably after we tell him to leave and never come back."

That gave Sage an even better idea. "We should see how he reacts to somebody flirting with me."

"Not like we're not used to that!" Rowen replied with a grin.

"It would also make me 'taken', so I would, hypothetically, not be a threat." Sage's tone darkened. "If he still reacts poorly then, I don't think Alexa will let Tessa stay with him."

Rowen ducked his head, his voice's hardness a stark contrast to the previous banter. "I don't think it's up to her. Or _any_ of us."

"I know." Sage smoothed a hand over Alexa's back, making sure she was still asleep after the conversation. "But… I don't think Alexa will be able to rest, until she knows who this man is."

His jaw tightened with a nod. "I agree."

Sage now more properly looked at the girl in his arms, Kure still at peace and still on the verges of unconsciousness. "I'm astounded she's still asleep."

Rowen softened. "She deserves it, after everything."

Sage shook his head, still slightly haunted by the healing. "She was empty. Most of the energy I used to heal her _was_ mine."

Rowen blinked then raised an eyebrow. "Then what are you doing still talking? Go to sleep, Niisan!"

He laughed at the tease. "Part of me is astounded, she… could sense Japan, and now…"

Now it was Rowen's turn to be encouraging. "She'll get it back. From what we know of them both, already, these girls are stronger than they appear." He inclined his head meaningfully. "As are you."

Sage choked out a laugh. "I… really thought this was gone forever. I haven't felt it since the winter after the War…"

Rowen stepped forward and clasped his shoulder affectionately. "We always knew you would find it again, in time. You still have the same spirit, Sensei."

Any reply Sage could've had was preempted by a yawn. Rowen laughed. "Oyasumi, Niisan. We'll come wake you when the train reaches DC."

"Arigato."

Rowen left and Sage settled down for the remaining trip, his eyes closing but mind still travelling down the road apparently three people had pointed him towards. He was open with Alexa— far more open than he had been to anyone in a long time. She was attractive, her smile having the same ability to light up a room as Tessa's… only, hers was different. He couldn't say how, just that it was. But Sage recognized Alexa's eyes from the mirror, knowing how deep her battle with depression ran.

He had no idea if she was interested in him. He had no idea if she was even _taken_ or not.

None of that mattered, really. As exposed as being around her made him feel— the same feeling of vulnerability that Rowen unlocked in him— the only important part was being her friend.

He closed his eyes and stroked her back, not quite sure when he fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Warnings:** cult discussion, parental abuse

* * *

 _Chapter 15_

—T—

It only occurred to me sometime later that morning that having five very strong, martially trained young men around was a _very_ handy thing—especially walking half asleep through Union Station to the rental car counter. Liv would have had a cow if she knew how much I let my situational awareness slack, half-dozing on a bench with my head against Kento's arm while we waited for Cye to come back with the key.

But when I could finally get some shut eye without Dawn trying to yell in my ear about everything that was going on, from either the others or my environment, I was damn well going to take it.

The guys offered to let us have the captain's chairs, this time, the prime spot for sleeping. I felt a little guilty—their taller, bulkier stature hardly made for good rear-seat travelling—but they insisted. Alexa insisted right back that she preferred the rear corner, so they adjusted accordingly.

I, on the other hand, only stayed awake long enough to make note that Sage sat in the middle next to her, Cye in the driver seat while Rowen co-piloted, with Ryo and Kento taking the remaining space. The soothing lull of the van's motion combined with faint murmurs from the other occupants quickly dragged me back into my interrupted sleep.

My next hazy recollection was of weightlessness and hushed voices, punctuated with clicks and thumps of things being moved around. Part of me knew I should wake up and involve myself in the business of unloading—but the summer night was unusually chilly, and I was comfortably warm. Even the yellow glow of artificial light only made me want to burrow closer to the darkness and steady beat of something in my ear nearby.

The last thing I could consciously make out was a faint mutter that sounded like Alexa, and my father's familiar chuckle. "She always used to hate sleep…"

And that was it, until bright sunshine rudely woke me again.

My annoyed grumbling and groan morphed into a wide yawn, accompanied by a full-body stretch like a cat. Now a little closer to actually getting out of bed, I rolled over to a more comfortable position.

That movement caused Alexa to stir, the covers shifting closer to her chin. "Fivemoreminutes…"

I chuckled softly, before realizing Dawn was back to fully _un_ cooperative and trying to nudge me into full wakefulness. Mentally muttering and shaking it off, I replied to my sister—with another yawn, "Yeah, I could go for that… Although it would probably end up turning into an hour at this rate."

Dusk, too, felt a bit more aware. "We're…?"

Blinking away the last of the sleep from my brain, I rubbed at one eye and finally registered the familiar four-post bed and green curtains of my room. "Heh. Yep…"

The vaguest of memories floated back to mind, now. Clearing my throat of the morning croak as well as in response to what those thoughts meant, I said, "I think the guys carried us in…"

My twin only burrowed further into her pillow, nose wrinkling. "I am still in my bra."

I laughed at that complaint, finally forcing myself to sit up. A quick glance at the both of us pulled an amused half-smile to my lips. "We're both still in our civvies." I ran a hand through my hair, then wrinkled _my_ nose. "Ugh. I feel dirty. Stupid travel gunk…"

She also sat up, unclipping her bra under her shirt. "Shower?"

I hummed, rolling my eyes as I mulled over whether I wanted food or to be clean more. "Yeaaaah, but… M'hungry…" Running a hand over my skin had me making a face, groaning at the dilemma. "If I don't shower now, though, I probably won't…!

Alexa slowly sank backward, half against the headboard and half back into her pillow. "I'm not going to be able to eat for a few minutes…"

"Okay. Shower it is, then."

Crossing my arms to pull my wrinkled T-shirt over my head, I swung my legs off the bed and glanced around for my suitcase. Even though I was home, and I should probably wash what was in it while I could, it would be easier to get something out of there based on my mental catalogue than it would be to dig through drawers I hadn't seen for two months.

I spotted it laying on the window seat, Alexa's upright beside it. "Your suitcase's over here," I mentioned to her, walking around the bed.

Sheets rustled as she moved to get up and I tossed my old bra with my discarded shirt. I glanced back to see her resting at the edge of the bed, a hand to her head. "I need to write, a bit… get this out."

Concerned, my brow furrowed and I asked, "Do you…?"

Alexa waved me onward. "I'll be fine. Although if you could give me my book it would save me some energy."

I smiled wanly and nodded, finding it in the outer pocket and passing it to her. "I'll be back in about fifteen minutes, probably," I said, ditching my remaining clothes and grabbing the robe I'd brought to Japan from where it lay at the top of my suitcase.

She returned my smile. "I'll hopefully be ready to brush my teeth by then, but who knows."

That drew a bit of a laugh from me, hand on my doorknob. "Who knows if I'll even be done brushing my _hair_ by then…!"

Plopping myself under the warm water felt _amazing_ , after having to deal with unfamiliar hotel showers and near-constant travel for close to a full week. It was as if I could feel the burdens of everything slide off my tense shoulders along with the residue flushed from my skin. My mind emptied like the water through the tub drain, and I continued to stand beneath the showerhead long after cleansing both hair and body.

A glance at the glass doors had me sigh—I'd been in so long they had fogged up. Reluctantly turning off the water, I stepped out, then grabbed the first towel in reach off its hook before flipping the switch for the fan.

I had towelled off and wrapped it tightly around my chest, dragging a hairbrush through the tangles, when someone knocked. Figuring that would be Alexa about ready for her turn to brush her teeth—unthinking who else I had in my house right then—I pulled the door open.

The playful smile on my lips immediately vanished.

One would think it wouldn't bother me. Military colleges had absurdly high male-to-female student ratios. I had seen a number of men without shirts before. A number of very _good looking_ men.

But I tried to tell myself it was only surprise and not those _muscles_ that stole my breath. (Did they _have_ to be at eye level, too?)

"Oh! R-Rowen." My face tried to betray me, warmer than the shower I had just had. Desperately hoping that would be a suitable cover story, I folded my arms atop my chest. Hard as I tried, though, I couldn't quite glance away. "Um. M-Morning."

I could _see_ him swallow, practically feel his eyes piercing me like an arrow. "Morning."

Damn that deeper, just-woken-up, husky voice. Damn the lean muscle of his powerful arms and strong chest that was a clear archer's build. Damn those midnight-blue eyes, which only briefly slid down then back up my body and probably noticed how my towel only reached mid-thigh.

And _damn my hormones_.

 _'You_ have _a boyfriend, Tessa…!'_

After a moment, he added, "You…might want to, uh…"

My first 'fill in the blank' thought was "put some clothes on"—as if I didn't know _that_. When I felt Strata nudge Dawn, however, I realized precisely what he meant.

Just like with Ryo, Dawn almost literally laid my heart out on my sleeve. Thankfully, Rowen seemed to at least _try_ to maintain my privacy with another of his little mental shields.

But that didn't necessarily mean I hadn't _already_ broadcast my entire reaction to him. Or the rest of the armors.

A small, strangled squeak escaped despite myself. "OhmygodI'msorry!" Trying to clamp down on Dawn—while also tightening my towel around me—I threw a longing look toward the open door of my room.

So close and yet, so far. Rowen still took up a majority of the space in the hallway, half-blocking the only exit. As if unknowingly demanding I not ignore everything I had already _very_ astutely noted.

He cleared his throat, my wide eyes almost involuntarily jumping back to him at the sound. "Were you done…?"

I nodded emphatically, waving briefly with one hand. "Close enough…!"

Seeming only then to realize why I _hadn't_ moved, he backed away. I practically fled, holding my towel tightly and not quite slamming the door behind me.

Alexa immediately glanced up at me, leaning against the door and acutely aware of the flush to my face, neck, and chest. She looked and sounded concerned. "You okay?"

Embarrassment was likely clear in my eyes, my entire body now burning up as if I would melt into a puddle. How did I get myself in these types of situations…! "Yeah." Clearing my throat after that yet-more-embarrassing squeak, I tried to explain calmly, "Rowen needed the bathroom."

To my perplexity but some relief, she merely nodded and returned to her notebook. While I could appreciate the reprieve from any sort of teasing—there was no way Alexa _hadn't_ heard every word of what just transpired—her ambivalence was slightly worrisome.

I watched out of the corner of my eye while I dressed, starting with the cargo shorts I'd picked out earlier. "Are _you_ okay, sis?"

Alexa shrugged, not looking up as her pen scratched away at the paper. Tugging a T-shirt over my head, I plopped down on the mattress beside her. "Just wanna write?"

Another nod was my answer. She shifted slightly, an unspoken indication from Dusk that I could read along. I leaned a little closer, resting a light hand on her shoulder. The first line to catch my eye was, _"What'll dad think of me for maybe not being able to eat?"_

I skimmed through the rest, never more thankful for my near-hyperlexic reading than except perhaps when cramming for an exam. It maintained a similar tone as the first line, touching on the vein of anxiety and fear over how neither she nor Dad knew anything about each other, really. She had no idea what he would think about all her "weird" quirks, or her allergies.

All insecurities that, I guessed, wholly or mostly stemmed from what our mother had said—either about her, or about Dad.

On top of that, neither of us had a clue if Dad knew about the armors, and she didn't want to find out he didn't because she let slip Sage had had to heal her injuries.

I slipped one arm around her shoulders, rubbing her bicep. "It'll be okay, sis. He already loves you so much, and that's all that matters."

"Tell that to my OCD," she murmured.

I kissed her forehead, smiling with a snarky reply and idea. "I can do one better."

Because what better way to kick OCD's voice than to have Dad himself crush it?

Shaking her head absently but tolerating my antics, she continued to write. She had moved into enumerating everything she'd been told about Dad. After a few moments, wondering if she would rather I get food and come back, I asked softly, "Want me to bring you something…?"

Though she shook her head yet again, Dusk clarified that she preferred me to stay. Her body had lost some of the tension from when I walked in, at least, even as the pen continued to furiously deposit ink onto paper. The lies our mother had told continued to grow, until finally she exhaled and flipped back through four pages of writing.

Now I wrapped my arms around her into a proper hug; she leaned against me, curling into the embrace. Her voice was still a small murmur. "Now I'm feeling better…"

I laid my chin on her head. "Up to eating, better?"

Another nod, this one in the positive direction as Alexa laid the book down. The stiffness between her shoulders continued to melt away incrementally, as she dressed and we emerged from the bedroom.

Everyone had apparently gathered in the kitchen—the most bustling I'd ever seen it—and we were the last to arrive. A quick glance at the table showed Sage sitting with what looked suspiciously like a coffee mug and an unusually grumpy look that said "Do not disturb." Cye sat beside him; I did a double take at the stove, finding that Kento had taken Torrent's usual place as chef d'cuisine. The broad Ronin stood shoulder to shoulder with Dad, chatting and laughing amiably with him. Ryo just stepped in from the porch as we arrived.

Rowen was pulling a cup from the coffee maker, hair still damp from his own shower and fully clothed, this time.

Trying not to blush yet again, I turned my attention to my father. "Morning, Dad!"

He smiled warmly at us, setting an empty skillet on one burner and coming over to greet us with hugs. "Morning, girls."

Stepping back after my hug, I peered toward the stove curiously. Kento blocked most of my view, however. Once Alexa had received her own hug with a murmured "Let me know if anything hurts" from Dad, I asked, "What's cookin', doc?"

A peal of laughter from Cye got an appreciative grin from me; he was probably remembering how I'd used the famous Bugs Bunny line on him back at the hotel. Dad returned to cooking as he answered, "Your favorite breakfast. Thought you'd like a treat."

I chasse`d over to get a less cryptic answer, as Cye took my place next to Alexa. I could faintly make out his reassurance to her over the armor link. _"He's already asked what you can have."_

There on the counter was a rising tower of massive pancakes, nearly the size of a dinner plate; but beside it laid a stack of two plates, one of which contained two freshly-cooked shaped pancakes. _Horse_ shaped pancakes.

I had absolutely zero inclination to suppress the excited little squeal that rose in my throat, nor the bouncing on my toes that accompanied it. "You haven't made those in _years_ …!" I exclaimed, glomping my father.

He chuckled, glancing at Alexa as I almost immediately skipped over to the cabinet which held glasses. "Cye mentioned you girls had enjoyed his, so I thought I'd have some fun with it," he explained.

Laughing, I looked over at my twin. "What do you think? Maybe a dagger for you?" I half teased.

My reminder of her main original character got a smile. "Or a cat."

The group devolved into small talk from there. Alexa and I plunked down at adjacent spots at the table, Ryo insisting he could drag a chair from elsewhere to compensate for the already max-capacity seating. I felt extraordinarily self-conscious of Rowen sitting in the end seat on my other side, but tried to ignore it as best I could. Luckily, he'd remained utterly silent so far—maybe he wanted to forget the morning's hiccup as much as I did.

All trace of those thoughts evaporated at seeing the plate of little cat pancakes Dad set in front of Alexa. There was only one thing missing to make it perfect.

Maple syrup.

Cye wordlessly passed the bottle as Kento followed behind Dad with a saucer, placing it beside Alexa with a knowing smile and a wink. My heart felt like it might overflow at the near-to-tears look of gratitude on my sister's face.

At last, everyone managed to find space somewhere near the table—despite the fact that roughly half the occupants had already eaten, with the other half at varying states of satiated. Kento and Rowen alone had a whole plateful of pancake-stack to themselves, by the look of things.

"So, how'd you sleep?" Dad asked amiably.

I chuckled around a mouthful of pancake. Alexa laughed a bit. "I'm a pretty terrible sleeper and I was able to pass out last night. Despite sleeping in my clothes."

Sage also chuckled. "You asked for five more minutes when we tried to wake you up to get you inside. We didn't try again."

That jogged my memory. "I heard that!" I said, pointing in my host brother's general direction mock-accusingly.

"Car rides always did put you both right to sleep," he replied, with a faint but fond smile.

Dad may not have caught it—but I noticed Alexa flinch. Her voice sounded strained, almost as if she'd been unexpectedly hit with something hot. "I outgrew that."

A flicker of something that might've been 'troubled' passed across his face. Nevertheless, he still kept his tone soft. "Didn't seem like you had last night."

She shrugged. "S'only the second time I've fallen asleep in the car in ten years…"

A thought occurred to me; before I could quite think to censor myself, I murmured, "Probably finally felt safe enough to?"

That at least drew out another small smile, with a quick glance towards Sage, but she otherwise remained quiet. Cye picked up the conversation, trying to keep it light. "Sage tends to have that effect on people."

"Your smooth driving probably helped, too, Cye. Could have rocked a baby to sleep with that," Ryo complimented, outwardly teasing.

I noticed Alexa visibly swallow out of the corner of my eye. "Dad would know…"

And there went the lightness to the morning. Despite myself, I threw a hard look at my father before glancing away, half guilty about it—and especially for the bitter edge in my words. "Dad would know a _lot_ of things."

He sighed, heavily. "What…would you like to know?"

I tried very hard not to let the bubbling anger starting to brew overwhelm me. "Why didn't you ever _tell_ me I had a twin?" tumbled out before I could stop myself.

"I didn't want you to start crying again, like you did after you left her…"

There was a split second where I only felt confusion, and a desire to understand what he meant by that. But then I remembered—I could recall countless times I'd asked about Mom, as a child. Countless times I could have asked about where I came from, but didn't because I saw how absolutely sorrowful he looked at the mention. Sometimes, when he thought I couldn't hear because I'd been put to bed, I heard what I later realized was crying.

And he had had ample opportunity to tell me at any time. He could have at least prepared me for the possibility my life would turn into a fantasy novel.

Draconian anger flared under my skin. "But I _asked_ you! I only stopped because I didn't want _you_ to keep being sad. So what about when I was older? Why not when I was fifteen or seventeen or, I dunno, when I went to college? When would I have _ever_ been old enough?" I slapped my hands down on the table, only barely softening the impact so as not to jar the whole thing or cause my hands to sting. "If it weren't for _this_ would you have _ever_ told me?"

An almost painfully tight hand clamped down on my shoulder. Startled, I glanced up and over my shoulder at Sage—at _both_ of his very icy, very stern eyes that warned me to cut it out.

In that moment I knew what Ryo meant when he had said Sage's gaze could be utterly terrifying.

Catching a glimpse of my sister's face told me why. She had gone stock still at my explosion, Dusk oozing terror and her demeanor as silent as a mouse.

 _That_ deflated my hot air balloon—especially at seeing just _how_ sad and tired Dad appeared. He seemed to age ten years right before my eyes. Silence continued to reign, however.

An unspoken conversation passed through the armor link, and Kento tapped Alexa gently on the shoulder. More unheard communication occurred before she nodded, almost scrambling to her feet and completely ignoring the plate she left behind. Cye easily leaned across the table and scooped it up, following Hardrock and my twin out the door onto the porch.

I, meanwhile, stared contritely down at the tablecloth, feeling like an utterly horrible asshole.

"That's…what I was afraid of."

I swallowed. "Sorry, Dad…"

He sighed, shaking his head. "No, you're right. I…should have told you sooner. I…" After a pause to gather his words together, he began to explain, "We moved around so much because I was terrified _they_ would try to find you, to get back what they believed I had wrongfully stolen from them. And I was also terrified that if I told you about any of it, you would get mixed up in it all."

"Mixed up in what, exactly?"

Startled, I glanced up sharply at Rowen, who peered at my father over the rim of his mug with an unreadable expression. It was the first time he'd spoken since we came downstairs.

Dad swallowed the mouthful of milk he'd taken. "Deborah…became involved in a cult, shortly after we were engaged. At first I thought it was just a random religious group, pretty much harmless, and she seemed to really enjoy it. Perhaps she would get some good out of it." He bowed his head. "If I had known how… _obsessed_ she would become with it, I never would have let her step foot anywhere near it."

The screen door to the porch banged shut behind Cye; Dad continued as the EMT slid back into his chair. "As it was, though, I didn't understand exactly what our family was getting into until she was pregnant with Alexa and Tessa. She kept talking excitedly about some _prophecy_ , that those born or conceived in ninety-three would be "special" children. Once I realized she had begun to manipulate me, I kept feeling like we had to get out of there, but I…couldn't bear to leave you two.

"And it was a good thing I didn't." He licked his lips, taking another drink before looking over at me. "Had I not insisted we take her to the hospital, you would have died of asphyxiation."

I could _feel_ the color drain out of my cheeks. Now _I_ licked my lips, trying to moisten a suddenly dry mouth. Sage spoke before I could finish grappling with the fact I almost hadn't even been able to draw my first breath. "Unfortunately, they did somehow manage to find her."

My wide, shocked eyes jumped to the blond, wondering why the _hell_ he would bring something like that up—now or _ever_. Dad's eyes went equally wide. "What do you mean? What happened?" he demanded a little too quickly.

All four of the armors at the table nudged me; getting the hint, but muttering how much I really didn't like the idea, I reluctantly withdrew Dawn from my pocket.

The leather I'd wrapped around to turn it into a necklace was gone, tucked safely away in my suitcase for recycling. Dawn now lay perfectly flat on the table, sheer edge face down and its kanji gleaming faintly from within the leafy green color that had now fully overtaken its old charcoal backdrop.

A heavy thunk of ceramic on wood yanked my attention back to Rowen. Narrowed eyes had lost their shield, piercing my father in a way that said he couldn't avoid answering the follow-up question. "You know what that is, don't you?"

I had almost hoped maybe he didn't—but one look at the way he stared at Dawn said Rowen was right. His voice fell heavy with the weight of meaning to his answer. "It's… exactly why she wanted a child."

"And when she had twins, she was probably very angry that it split, wasn't she?"

Now it was Dad's turn to look appropriately shocked at a realization. Rowen's expression didn't even twitch. " _You_ know what it is?"

I snorted. "Are we gonna stop talking around the issue and just come out with it, or what?"

Sage—thankfully—obliged. "The five of us have had a run in with an…enemy, that used energy this cult uses. We defeated him with five ancient, mystical armours that have been passed down through our families for centuries. In the past week, we have discovered there is one more—that has split in two, since its bloodline bore twins."

Dad's face turned pale. "S-So they…they were right?"

"It would seem so," Rowen said grimly. "Although this so-called 'prophecy' of which they speak is, in all probability, some twisted version of the truth."

"The armours are often beacons, for those who know how to sense them," Sage explained. "Fortunately or unfortunately, being around my armour nudged Tessa's into wakening, allowing them to discover her location."

Ryo picked up the thread of conversation. "Although we can't really know if the armours made it possible Sage and Tessa met— or even if Tessa's and Alexa's armour caused their meeting. We already know our armours drew the five of us together, before our…run-in."

My father slowly sank back in his chair, shoulders sagging and running a hand through his hair. The grandfather clock in the hall ticked away the seconds louder than a pin drop, as everything about the discussion settled in the atmosphere like a lead weight.

"What…happened, that you left?" I broke the silence softly.

He stared down at the table. "Your mother…changed, so much, after you were born. She became spiteful, and ever more manipulative. As young as you were, you both were already growing so listless. And because of how hard the pregnancy had been on her, as well as the armor splitting, she _hated_ you—both of you, but…you especially, Tessa." Tightening his hand around his cup, he continued, "I couldn't stand to see it, anymore. I had to do what I could to get you two out. But by that time, unfortunately, I was in too deep. She had the courts stacked against me—slapped me with all kinds of slander and false accusations that I didn't have the resources or ability to disprove. It was… It was honestly a miracle I made it out with even _one_ of you. And, since I had to choose…if either of you stood an inkling of a chance of survival with—with _her_ …"

Ryo's voice was gentle. "You made an impossible choice. Alexa survived, and escaped."

Dad shook his head, leaning his forearms against the table and head bowed. The remorse behind his words tugged at my heartstrings. "But they got her again." He glanced at me. "And they found Tessa."

From where he sat on Dad's other side, Cye lifted a hand to lay on the older medical professional's shoulder. "You kept the armor secret and out of the cult's grasp for almost twenty years. You did the best you could with the hand you were dealt, and you raised an outstanding warrior. You could not have known they would follow her to Japan."

"You have been an incredible protector for Tessa. We know you've done as much as you are capable of, and we can continue what you began," Sage reassured.

A few deep breaths later, Dad exhaled. With that shaky sound came the first tear I had seen from him in years. Not long after, more followed, until he broke into sobs of what sounded like relief. By then I was already out of my chair and by his side, arms wrapped around him and pulled into his lap as if I were still four years old.

We _both_ cried, until Cye was handing us a nearby tissue box and we'd nearly emptied it. It was the most cathartic feeling I'd gotten yet out of this whole ordeal.

But there was still one more thing to do before we could move on.


	16. Chapter 16

**Warnings:** domestic abuse, parental abuse, suicide mention, cult material, stalking, distorted eating, assault

* * *

 _Chapter 16_

—A—

Sitting on the porch steps with Kento's arm around me let me break.

I hated breaking.

I rocked, kicked, tried not to scream, and sobbed. Tessa was angry. I knew she had a _temper_ but seeing it go from simmering to an explosion like that—

She _scared_ me. My own sister scared me. The explosion had made the room suffocatingly warm, air impossible to enter my lungs. I'd had to leave. I wasn't listening to the family conversation that was our _first_ family conversation in person and I was an outcast again and.

I had dredged up family secrets her dad wanted to keep hidden. I had disrupted their lives and she had insisted she wasn't angry at me but this just proved she _was_.

When I could finally get more than half a breath in, I got out, "I shouldn't have come."

He rubbed my back. "It's okay. I'm sure neither of them are mad at you."

"It feels like they are."

He took a breath. "I'm pretty sure it's cause they love you, and are frustrated everyone's hurting."

"How do you know?" I snapped back.

His chuckle was more air than sound. "When… Ryo collapsed at school, I was angry at Sage and Rowen for not helping after they showed up. For staying off to the side in their own little world, ignoring the fact Ryo was sick enough paramedics had been called. I couldn't understand why they didn't seem to care. Then when I found out _why_ Ryo collapsed— he was trying to keep Sage from attempting suicide again— and I was the last to know…" He shook his head. "I turned on Sage. Yelled at him for keeping a secret, for hurting Ryo. For hurting all of us. For not trusting us. He just kept getting paler and paler the more I talked. He doesn't cry much, but. He did, then. I couldn't stop apologizing once I realized he was about to. Pretty sure he was shaking when I hugged him. It… took us awhile to be okay, after that."

So I had two people with a temper around me. A single thought circled in my brain over and over, no matter how much I tried to drag it off that track. OCD had its teeth in me and wasn't about to let go. "All that does is make me scared of you, too."

To my surprise, he smiled. "Hey, I'd be surprised if you _weren't_ scared of us, after everything."

I laughed, a bubble of tension breaking that it was okay _to_ be afraid. "And here I was worried you'd just be insulted, after saving my life and I didn't want to be anywhere near you…"

He squeezed me. "If it makes you feel any better, I've gotten better about it. Couldn't— still can't— know what Sage went through. But I'm not supposed to. I just have to remember he's hurt, and he's probably going to hurt for the rest of his life." He glanced at me. "Like you are. And Tessa knows that, from the looks of it."

Tears burned at the corner of my eyes, again. "Dad doesn't…"

"If he's anything like Cye, he'll know how to handle it," he said softly.

I shook my head. "Most doctors don't."

He rubbed my arm. "Only one way to find out."

I didn't want to take that risk.

I was trapped in a family I borderline didn't want, at a place Tessa was comfortable but not me, after having run away from the first 'family' discussion as I always did. Too hungry to think and too empty to be anxious, I dragged one of the pancakes by my feet through maple syrup and munched on it with my fingers. The recipe _was_ Cye's, and while it was unfamiliar, it was comforting. It let me put some distance between the fact my Dad had made them for me.

Nobody had ever done something this nice for me, with food. I'd had stuff made for me, special things, but not something this personal.

Something good that could be taken all away in an instant, should it become too much effort. Not appreciated enough.

And I'd already walked out on breakfast.

I exhaled, finishing off my second pancake. "I still just want to die, being here…"

Kento's voice was still… soft, for how brash it normally was. "It was hard for Sage and Rowen to feel comfortable being around my family. Now they're honorary big brothers. But it took them awhile to get there. Can't imagine what it'd be like if they actually were my brothers and I didn't know about them till now."

I nodded, all of my feelings too big for what I was thinking. I kept munching on pancakes, hungrier now that I'd had food, until the plate was polished off. Food helped me think, but all it did this time was take the worst of it underground. Part of me took that as a good sign, because it meant my depression was blood sugar based. The rest of me hated how it was still there, and it would come up the next time I felt low.

I wasn't quite sure when the screen door opened and shut. I didn't look up at my sister. The boards creaked as she shifted side to side.

Kento turned to look at her. "Hey, Tess— how'd it go?"

Dawn gave a flicker of genuine appreciation, as muted as it was. "It…went." Her voice dropped. "Dad cried…"

That struck a little too close to home. "Was he mad at me?"

She shook her head once. "No. Wasn't… even mad at me."

That was one person dealt with. Now for the other. "Are… _you_ mad at me?"

She shook her head vigorously, now, moving to sit beside me on the steps. "No, no—absolutely not." She looked down. "I am _so_ sorry, for yelling like that…"

I finally shifted to actually see her more than just out of the corner of my eye. "S'understandable, why…"

She put a hand on my shoulder. "Doesn't make it okay. Do you forgive me?"

I stared at her hand, fresh memories of her yelling overlaying with old memories of my mother yelling. Of the swords. Of Dusk lighting my nerves with pain as it protected me. I knew the longer I didn't reply, the closer my answer went to no. I hated how long I dragged on the silence. "I… have to think about it…"

She swallowed, retracting her hand and nodding. She shifted to sit on the stairs a little more comfortably, arms around her knees. Neither of us really knew what to do or say. I'd pulled back a bit from Kento's grip to talk to her, and the weight of somebody watching just made me close my eyes. I hated fights. I hated conflict. I hated everything that being here meant, but I couldn't escape any of it. I couldn't just run away. I could only sit in discomfort to hope I would eventually get used to it.

Kento shifted so his hand was on my back. "Want me to leave?"

I nodded. He picked up my two plates and went back inside.

Once the screen door closed, I exhaled. "I'm. Not used to being around anger, really… if she exploded like that, her anger was at like. A twenty-four on a scale of ten…"

"I understand." She sighed. "I just. It had been bugging me all week, and…"

Part of me knew that she had been trying to keep it under wraps, but it had just come out; Dawn made sure I knew that much. Still, that was a potential rabbit hole of unknowns that made my stomach knot up. "What… exactly, had been bugging you?"

She chuckled dryly, as faint as it was. "How…I had heard exactly _zero_ about my childhood, from before I could remember. All Dad would tell me was that the marriage hadn't worked out, and we were never going to ever see my mother. He said absolutely _nothing_ about a twin, or a cult, or the armor—the most concrete thing I knew was that I had been born in Canada." She swallowed, licking her lips. "I…I almost died, when she gave birth. That's why our birthdays are so far apart."

I nodded and brought my knees to my chest. "She told me my twin died when my dad brought her to the hospital, and the doctors had broken her neck by using a suction vacuum to pull her out…"

My very much alive sister snorted. "I would have asphyxiated, if they hadn't gotten me to the hospital. Something about the umbilical cord around my neck, I think."

"How convenient, you nearly died so she could just take the logical conclusion and switch the antagonist…" I muttered darkly.

She shook her head ruefully. "I swear to God someone just dropped us in a freakin' novel…!"

I barked out a laugh. "Yeah, yeah, that's about right." And of course, that line of thought just made me think of mysterious long lost family members, and the secrets they tended to hold. "Did he… know about the armours?"

She chuckled, having picked up on some of my black humour. "He knew they exist—or at least that ours do. He took Dawn so they wouldn't be able to do whatever it is they want with them."

"Save the world." My exhale felt like it had the weight of my past in it. "Balance was the only piece of pure god-given energy left on the planet, so it had to go out and purify the world. Of course I always got it wrong, so they…"

More flashbacks. More memories of them adjusting my armour after they had deemed I was using it wrong. More yelling. I curled up tighter in a ball.

Tessa softened, looping an arm around my shoulder and holding me against my memories. After a few moments, she said, "Dad… said the courts basically… forced him to choose one of us. Mom rigged the whole divorce case. And… since she tried to kill me from the start…"

"Makes sense." I glanced at her. "I'm glad he saved you."

She leaned her head against my shoulder. "I still wish he could have taken both of us. Or that it was me in your place."

I shook my head, finally wrapping an arm around her. "I'd rather you alive and away and safe from her than in my place."

She smiled and mirrored my motion. "Out?"

That got me to laugh a little like I had before all this started. Still, blackness in my chest pushed its way out; I squeezed her in apology. "I'm so sorry for opening the gates of hell…"

She continued laughing, straightening to ruffle my hair. "Sis, I would follow you to and through those gates and back. No need to apologize. I'm just glad you don't have to face this alone."

"I know." I smiled and leaned back against her, rubbing her arm. I couldn't remember telling her something that felt all too fitting now. "I couldn't have left in the first place, without you showing me what love looked like."

Everything about her warmed in the best way possible— she wrapped both arms around me, Dawn flowing freely with how _happy_ that made her to hear. I held her back, clinging to her, almost. Needing her. I always needed her. The thought of loss, of her choosing Dad over me, was a bigger driver to my suicidal thoughts than I'd believed. Than I'd wanted to acknowledge.

I couldn't stand the thought of losing her. Not even for a minute.

—0—

They'd been going around in circles all morning.

They all agreed they needed more information. How to get it, on the other hand, had split the Ronin. Ryo and Kento wanted to ask Alexa about the cult when she woke up; Rowen wanted to let her rest, to give her more time after yesterday; Sage and Cye, meanwhile, wanted to at least give Alexa the option of asking.

It didn't help Rowen was unusually rigid and grumpy, despite one and a half cups of coffee. He didn't even want to consider Cye's and Sage's perspective, hung up on how obvious it was Alexa was fragile. It was even worse that Sage was unusually quiet, still grappling with his emotions after changing his healing colour. Normally, he'd be the one to get Rowen to back down, but his current state only seemed to reinforce Rowen's point that some burdens couldn't be carried that moment.

Cye agreed she was fragile. But that didn't mean she was a brittle petal. Even the most delicate of flowers still survived the rain. It sometimes took continuing with life _to_ recover, and they were all here to support her just like they were in the midsts of supporting each other.

He was in the middle of trying to convince Rowen of that fact when very loud grumbling came from Dusk. Something— or someone— had woken her up.

"She's just as bad as you, Ro," Kento said with a meaningful nudge to Rowen's ribs. Rowen just glared, until—

 _'She's in the States?!'_

Tessa followed up with a much clearer, _'The police called. And… Mom crossed the border…'_

The luxury of _time_ had run out.

Ryo looked the most shaken. "Do you think she's coming here?"

Rowen shook his head. "I don't think she knows where Tessa is, but…"

Sage pressed his lips together, Kourin sinking into the connection to hide from his fears. "If she managed to find Tessa in Sendai, it's only a matter of time."

Kento rolled a shoulder. "We can't keep running like this. We _have_ to face her."

Rowen had touches of space frost in his tone, something that had been slowly creeping up over the course of the conversation. "How can we do that if we don't even know where she _is_ , exactly? All we know is she's in the States _somewhere_. We know she knows _who_ Tessa is, but just because she knows her and her dad's last name doesn't mean she knows _where_ we are."

Everyone was quiet at that— he was right. How could they fight a hidden target? The _mashou_ had done the same, and worn them out on wild goose chases by vanishing and appearing again.

That gave Cye an idea.

"The _mashou_ might know where she is."

The others looked at him like he was crazy. The weight of the War still pressed down on them, all of their yoroi remembering the times they had nearly been killed at the hands of their youjakai counterparts. And here Cye was offering to basically hand the girls— the most fragile members of their group, the ones supposed to keep the fate of the world in check— over to them.

Cye took a breath. "I don't like it as much as you do. I know how likely they are to mislead us. But part of me can only hope they've changed after six years. Dais followed us to protect us. Kayura dispelled youja influence in Kure. They haven't shown us any reason we should _mis_ trust them, and we can't do this alone."

They continued being quiet. To his surprise, Kento was the first to break the silence through grit teeth. "I'll be the first to admit—I think I still hate Dais' guts. But… Cye's right, guys. We _have_ to at least try. And they did sort of extend the olive branch first."

Sage took a steadying breath, Kourin now trembling. "To reach for the shakujo, through the youjakai…"

He was the best person _to_ try. His empathetic abilities were the most refined of them all, him having become attuned to Kourin the most intimately from his PTSD, and keeping in touch with Rowen in space.

But reaching through the youjakai meant potentially reaching Cale. Meant opening an even deeper wound. Cye had already touched it, he knew, and Suiko tried to ease the utter terror threatening to send Sage into a flashback. All of them reassuring Kourin he wasn't about to face down his nightmares alone.

Cye tipped his head down. His distance from the others made him the _next_ best bet. "I… can try, if we agree that's the best course of action."

"If she really _is_ coming for us, they'll probably show up," Kento muttered.

Ryo looked at Cye, a silent question if he was alright. Cye nodded; his leader returned the gesture. "Okay."

The wall between worlds took some time to find. All of them had hidden away from it, during the War, trying to forget what lurked beyond. Cye's memory of what he had seen, there— Sekhmet, Arago's body, his captivity with Sage and Kento, the number of times they had been separated because Cye couldn't let people without resistance face against poison— made it even more difficult to try and reach for the single glimmer of outside light that had guided them throughout the War.

And he had one of the _kindest_ memories, of the group.

He found remnants of the shakujo, but nothing he could grab onto. The residual _youja_ energy made it difficult to breathe as he kept wrestling with it. His own fear was starting to well up, no amount of trying to make peace with it stabilizing his yoroi. As much as the shakujo had been a light for them, it wasn't bright enough that moment to help.

He pulled away from the barrier with an exhale, frustration coming off him in waves. Kento's hand on his shoulder soothed him, slightly, but it didn't replenish what he felt lost to the past. He glanced at Sage, unable to imagine how he must have felt for so long. Just a taste had rendered him exhausted.

Before they could say anything, they realized they were still alone in the kitchen, despite over fifteen minutes since Alexa had sworn.

Rowen glanced towards the stairs. "Should we check on the girls?"

Sage stood and went through the cupboards, the smallest notes of 'wait' in Kourin. His compulsion to do _something_ at least stopped the tide of helplessness they'd all been trying to keep at bay. "I know I saw chamomile in here… she probably needs it, hearing that."

Ryo nodded, both of them guessing at what type of panic Alexa must be in at the thought her mother was in the same country. "Alright. While Sage checks on the girls, we can…try again. If that doesn't work, even with Kikoutei, then we'll…see if Alexa's up to telling us more about them."

As Sage made tea— requesting Cye cool it down before going upstairs— Ryo and Kikoutei tried to break through the barrier. Rekka's passion was brilliant gold, almost blazing out of control; the too-hot fire of Ryo's memories tainting all attempts. Despite Kongo's stability and Suiko's cool waters, the balance never quite returned to their yoroi, and the most powerful tool they had was hitting the wall without making a dent. _All_ of them were too unbalanced to truly bring the others back to equilibrium.

By the time the five broke apart to their separate yoroi, Sage had come back to the kitchen. "She'll be down in a few minutes. She… hasn't taken this news well. There was more to the phone call, but she wants a few moments before telling us."

Everyone nodded at his murmured bad news. They waited in silence for the girls to come down, trying to at least appear strong so Alexa could lean on them when she arrived, no matter how shaky they felt. The creaking down the stairs was slower than the previous day. She needed them to be calm so she could know this wasn't hopeless. Even if Cye wasn't sure where the hope was.

Kento glanced up, already going towards the stove. "Want anything for breakfast?"

Alexa shook her head, the first time she had refused food this trip. The Ronin kept their worry out of the connection to the girls; before now, they hadn't actually run into the 'distorted' part of her disorder. Hopefully this pattern didn't continue, but if she was anorexic, it would. Especially with her stress about to increase.

She sat down at the table, her eyes shadowed and wide with fear. "They found the secret passages. Corroborated my whole story, basically. They found fingerprints, possible DNA, the swords, the altars… Except. Everyone involved is gone…"

Tessa rubbed her sister's back. "Rene said they couldn't have gotten far. The house looked like they'd left in a hurry only a few hours before."

"Except Mom…"

Ryo leaned against the counter. "How much of a lead does she have?"

Alexa's voice shook. "She crossed into the States basically the day after you found me…"

Now the Ronin knew time wasn't just slipping away— it was gone. She had more than enough to completely vanish again. And the fact she was in a different country made legal proceedings difficult at best. Who knew how long this would take, now.

"Do you… have an idea where she might want to go?" Rowen asked, all traces of space frost gone. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Besides the obvious."

Alexa shrugged. "Montana is their official hub, but she would've flown there, and she drove in. New York is a pretty big centre, and it's where the Eastern US branch is headquartered. Somewhere on the outskirts of the city, rural. They really like rural."

"You don't say," Tessa muttered sarcastically.

Sage looked up over his mug of coffee— uncharacteristic for him, especially swiping it from Rowen before the latter had a chance to wake up for the second day in a row. But everything about this week had been uncharacteristic for him. "We should let the police know about it, in case they have a lead."

Alexa squirmed. Tessa put her hand on her sister's arm. "I'll tell them, if you want."

She nodded, but otherwise didn't respond.

The Ronin passed a single thread between them— any previous discussion was now irrelevant, for how they had been working under the assumption they could give the girls time to adjust. Even Rowen had yielded his position, no matter how begrudgingly.

Ryo crossed his arms, settling into his mantle of leader. "Could you…tell us more about their structure? How they operate, what their purpose is…"

Alexa looked down. "Their purpose is to save the world via mass purification efforts, all of them rooted in prayers— which they use to call spirits named _youja_ — and Balance."

The Ronin looked between each other. Saving the world was bad enough, but mass purification efforts via _youja_ was a terrifying thought. Arago had relied on _youja_ to gather the emotions he needed to thrive; the fact there was now a group actively summoning them meant facing possibilities too terrifying to currently entertain.

Add in how they had also taken the girls' yoroi as part of their plans… Tenku was almost completely occupied making sure Sage didn't fall into those possibilities, with Cye and Kento taking Ryo's fears to task.

"So… would you say it's not an incorrect statement that Balance essentially serves as the cornerstone of this cult?" Cye asked, hoping he didn't sound as afraid as he felt.

She nodded. "They… kept saying I was using it _wrong_ , that I was straying from what God wanted for it, so every time I stepped out of line it…" She swallowed. "They… tried to exorcise me…"

Sage took a breath, part of his mind officially lost to his trauma. "Is that where the marks on Dusk came from?"

Once again, Alexa seemed to have collapsed in on herself, much like she had been when they first began talking. Her nod was small and timid, hands wringing in her lap. Akatsuki was doing much the same for her as the Ronin were doing for each other; Cye wished he had more to spare, other than soft reassurance that Kure wasn't alone. She seemed to respond well enough to the bubble they'd drawn around the group, but all it did was lower her anxiety a fraction.

"After breakfast, could you…show us?" Kento asked, Kongo putting emphasis on 'after food'. "We need to know as much as we can, if we hope to resolve…this."

She thought for a moment. "I can show you now, if you're done eating."

Despite none of them liking her going through this before breakfast, they nodded and began standing. Rekka was firmly dismissing thoughts they hadn't been enough with Suiko's help— she was sick, in a different way Sage was, and not every comfort would make her able to eat again. Kento took after his mother, for his next statement. "I could cook something for you while you're outside, if you like."

She shook her head. "I'm. Really not hungry…"

So the conversation hadn't helped much, if at all. Cye wondered if she was closer or farther from eating after talking about it. In the past, talking about it had helped. But now with this conversation exposing new wounds instead of exploring old ones, he really couldn't tell. And her squirming away from all prompts _to_ eat meant they were likely pushing her too far. Ryo's frustration at the thought was palpable.

Cye mulled it over as they filed outside, some place with a little more room but was still secluded from the outside world. He and Ryo tossed around ideas if only to calm Rekka down, Ryo— and to a lesser degree Sage— needing to do something to help.

Meanwhile, Alexa struggled with herself away from their connection. It took her long minutes of deep breaths to have Kure come to her call— subarmour flowing out much slower than the Ronin's yoroi, as if the energy was pushed through a fine screen.

When she finally did have it on, all five of them paused in shock.

Bright red slashes _covered_ her body, concentrated on her arms, chest, and thighs. The main shell of her subarmour was deep, royal purple, with the faintest notes of green where they would have white, but the red tinted with black on the edges demanded all of their attention.

Ryo and Kento looked about ready to beat whoever it was that did those cuts to a pulp. Rowen was just as angry— space frost had turned to liquid nitrogen. Sage was studying her, quiet mourning in his countenance, unable to react to the same extent as the others at present. Cye felt sick. Not only was her beautiful armour _mauled_ , everything about Kure right now screamed her terror.

She covered one cut on her deltoid, pulling the joint forward slightly. "Y-yeah, I know…" She swallowed. "I haven't actually… pulled it up around anyone outside of the cult in. Like. Ten years…"

"They _cut_ you?" Ryo blurted out. While they had been told she _was_ cut, the sheer _number_ …

Kento grit his teeth. "More like threw you into a meat grinder."

Alexa looked away, shoulders hunching forward more. Tessa crossed the distance between them and hugged her, letting her hide. "We'll find her, and make her pay, sis. I promise."

The others pulled back their almost frantic desire to reassure her, giving Kure space to breathe. Meanwhile, Sage took the required step forward to place a hand on Alexa's shoulder. "Do you mind if I look at them?"

She shook her head. Apparently, whatever Sage had done to his abilities had made her less scared of them— the golden light that flowed from his spirit certainly felt softer than Kourin's stark green. Cye couldn't remember feeling much of that light from Sage, since the War; the part of Cye that twisted over what could've upset Sage so much settled with understanding. Sage was reconnecting with his spirit, the light that had guided them, after too long. It wrapped Kure in gentle warmth, ebbing and flowing between cuts that felt just as spiritual as they did physical.

No wonder Kayura had had to dispel _youja_ energy.

Kourin mostly left, still supporting Kure to say he wasn't angry at her. "They are healing. It's slight, but they have healed."

All of them felt the same thing at once. _'Thank the gods…'_

Alexa, meanwhile, was frozen in place, blinking in utter shock.

Tessa gave her sister a crooked smile, part relieved, part happy. "Proof of life."

Whatever inside joke was hidden in those three words, it unstuck Alexa's voice. "But they haven't changed in ten years, some of them, and they haven't felt like they've changed at all and—"

Sage rubbed her shoulder, stopping the stress from reaching a frenzy. He was more present in the connection again, secure in his ability to help. "As I said, it is slight. But they can be healed, much like a physical wound heals. Just… slower."

Tessa and Alexa hugged each other again, Alexa's breath ragged and Sage's hand on her shoulder, still.

Kento let out a breath. _'So, we can take a hit. It'll probably just hurt like hell.'_

 _'Like Arago swinging us around?'_ Rowen shot back.

Cye, meanwhile, was focused on the woman who tripped all his medical instincts. _'Should we… ask her if they pain her?'_

 _'Yes. And if she'll let Sage heal them.'_ Ryo replied. The unspoken sense that they still needed to know more was thick in Rekka, mirrored by all of them to varying degrees.

Sage, softly, broached the topic. "Do they hurt?"

She paused, looking away. "When I think about it too much, yeah…"

Kento managed to keep dread out of his voice, even if it wasn't kept from them. "How much?"

She chuckled bitterly. "Less than it takes to get them. Just… an ache. A dull ache."

Tessa, to their surprise, continued, her voice quiet as a mouse. "Should we…see if maybe Sage could heal them?"

Alexa exhaled. "It'll knock me out again…"

"You did say you wanted a nap, after…" her sister replied.

Alexa sighed, rubbing her injured arm. "I just want to feel nothing, after that phone call."

Sage stroked her hair. "I understand, what this must feel like."

That got Alexa to release a shuddering breath. Within moments, Sage and Tessa eased her back to the ground, Kure retreating back to its half orb. She kept the rawness of her emotions from the connection, but all of the men were familiar with the shielding that occurred during a panic attack. Even though it stung to be on the outside of one again.

They all moved closer, careful not to crowd but close enough she knew they were standing guard— and listening in. She started speaking about how she was afraid her mother had sensed their trek through New York, how she knew to track them and how she had kept her guard down but now it had to go back up. How she wanted to stop being in danger and how she had lost so much already, with moving out, and how she felt on the verge of losing everything she had spent the past year working towards.

How she didn't see any way she could be safe unless she reinvented herself all over again, after having just settled into her current life.

To Cye's surprise, Kento was the first to speak. "The… Warlords, might be of help. They said they were watching the cult, so hopefully they saw her movements. We'll try to reach them again, later— we couldn't get through."

Cye continued off his friend's statement. "They would make it you could return home safely. They could act as your guards, and intervene should the need arise."

She sobbed once more, in release, before saying, "They would?"

He nodded. "They've already been watching the cult, for us. I'm sure they would." To the uneasy men around him, he added, _'Regardless of how_ we _feel,_ she _needs their protection.'_

Ryo, at least, was ready to back down from his aversion. _'Like Kento said—as much as I hate to admit it… you're right.'_

Rowen kept the conversation verbal. "We can ask next time we see them—or you could even ask."

She paused, her tears drying and sniffles stopping. "Y-yeah…" She barked out a laugh. "Almost hope we. Don't see them soon…"

Kento knelt to clasp her shoulder. "I think we can all agree to that."


	17. Chapter 17

**Warnings:** alcohol, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, cult material, kidnapping

* * *

 _Chapter 17_

—~—

The girls' father had suggested a classic American barbeque, both as a family event and as a way to get to know the men. Sage had to admit the thought of speaking to more people he barely knew, even if it was going to be only surface features of them all, exhausted him. He'd been closed off to protect his still-bruised heart, pain from years ago having barely dulled from Kourin covering the wound with all it had.

If he stopped too long, he wanted to throw up at the thought he had told the girls he was suicidal. He hadn't told _anyone_ since Mia and Yuli shortly after the guys, not even his family, and he still wanted to forget that time of his life. Now he forced it out of his mind, not quite able to reach the same level of detachment from the past as before. It was going to stay there, the glow in his heart an ever-present reminder he could feel again.

Protection was more important than feeling right now. Even a glass of sake wouldn't dull his senses enough to focus— Kourin would heal its effects in moments, for how alert he _had_ to be. Or, at least, how alert his PTSD made him be.

Alexa had smoothly suggested Michael be invited, since she'd never met him and could be wrong about who he was. Sage had made sure Tessa's father wouldn't be mixing in with their plans, quietly asking how he liked Michael and if he wouldn't mind a secret test of character. He'd agreed, and said he'd leave once Michael arrived. His opinion of the man was relatively neutral, for how Tessa had met him at college and they hadn't been dating long enough to have more than one or two interactions. _All_ of them were curious to see how Michael would fare.

Sage couldn't help but feel a little guilty, with the gears turning behind Tessa's back. He would do the same for all of his loved ones, but Rowen's warnings bore down on him. He had too many emotions to try sorting through them.

He hadn't even _talked_ to her properly since the rescue, and here he and Alexa had set up a plot to determine her boyfriend's worthiness. Part of him was afraid to talk to her. She knew more about him than she should know of her host, but he wasn't just her host anymore. It was difficult, almost impossible, to grapple with the implications of everything that had happened.

The conversation they were having now was firmly in the realm of 'introductions', them all discussing their favourite summer activities. To his surprise, Alexa mentioned park soccer, street hockey, basketball, and swimming. As they all got on fond memories of summer vacations spent with friends, Ryo suggested a game of soccer— which Alexa and her father gladly joined in on. Tessa sat on the sidelines, perhaps from nerves, perhaps from just not wanting to intrude on her sister getting to know those around her.

Sage stayed behind for a different reason. Being a coward had never gotten him anywhere. "How does it feel, being back home after Japan?"

She glanced at him in surprise. After time to think it over, she replied, "It's…odd. But also…nice. Kinda like…slipping on an old coat after a long summer when the breeze starts to go chill."

He smiled. "So I was right?"

Owl eyes looked at him. "About what?"

Sage laughed. "When you were homesick, in Japan, I said the differences would make home that much sweeter."

Her expression of realization lit her face up like the dawn. "Yeah. I guess you were right." She kept the same warmth as she looked down at her dark phone, where she had been receiving updates from her boyfriend. "…Arigato, Seiji-niichan."

Sage put a hand on her shoulder, thankful, deep down, she called him brother. "It's something I like to remind myself of, at the thought of travelling for kendo. I haven't yet, but I believe I will be soon."

She blinked in confusion, but before she had a chance to reply, the rev of a sports car engine drew everyone's attention.

Sage looked to the driveway, a pale gold BMW M4 filling the space.

He narrowed his eyes. This did not bode well in the slightest, should Michael behave like the _other_ BMW drivers he knew at the track. They tried to say their car was superior from its pricing and capabilities. As if money was the indication of the best; as if they didn't have to work their skills instead of relying on the machine. They ate their words after racing him.

Even the colour screamed that this man was trying too hard.

Tessa jogged up to her boyfriend; it was impossible to see his reaction to that, for how his aviator sunglasses hid the bulk of his expression. His body language was neutral for now, simply opening an arm for her. Sage tried not to tense at the mirror-shine of those sunglasses, the way he wanted to see everyone but didn't want anybody to see in. Michael was at least cordial— or possessive— enough to kiss her on the cheek. Something about the way she turned her head sent alarms ringing. His arm around her waist was tight, making deep wrinkles in her clothing, as he pulled her towards his side. Sage caught Alexa's eye and she trotted over, the others following.

Sage made sure he wore his single most polite, pleasant expression as Tessa walked Michael over. His emotions about this situation could wait. Tessa _needed_ older siblings right now, as much as she wouldn't admit it.

"Michael, this is my host brother, Sage Date," Tessa said once she was up to the porch. "Sage, Michael Ballard."

He was quick to correct her. Far too quick. "Michael Olcott Ballard the Third, but my friends call me Michael."

Sage bowed not an inch lower than he had to, Kourin uneasy for reasons he could explain if he thought about it, but didn't want to. If those markers of lineage were supposed to impress, it had the opposite effect; he couldn't help but wonder what parents were so disinterested in their child, they hadn't selected an individual name, or so egotistical they thought they had reached perfection. The fact Michael had insisted on his full name indicated the latter. That with the BMW. "Pleasure."

Alexa had run up to them, by now. Tessa turned her attention to her twin. "And my sister, Alexa."

She shook his hand, smiling like a saleswoman. "Nice to meet you."

Michael's eyebrows rose above his aviators. "Sister?"

Tessa glanced down. "We only found out recently. It's…kind of a long story." The others coming up prevented any elaboration on the topic. "And these are Sage's friends."

The others all gave their names, going for bows— except Rowen. His firm handshake and space frost eyes tipped their hand the most, but, thankfully, the others were acting pleasant. Even if all of them, Kure include, were internally confirming they got a _bad_ feeling from the person in front of them.

Rowen's dislike was far from a wrench in the plan, however. It was a perfect addition to their test of character. How Michael would react to open hostility was a question that needed answering. No matter what feeling they got, if he could at least be polite, he'd earned a chance.

Derick served everyone and made an excuse about dishes and forgetting something, leaving them alone over burgers— very _good_ burgers— salads, and conversation. At least this conversation was easier to navigate. Michael still refused to take his sunglasses off at the table despite the sun being at his back; it didn't take long to have a guess at why.

Rowen sat beside Sage, their old practiced routine a small comfort in the swirling mess of threats and fear. They laughed together, each of them handing napkins to the other as sauce and dressing extended beyond their lips. Rowen would sometimes lean in to whisper something Michael couldn't hear, but Sage smiled at. Devilishly.

"Is it working?"

Sage twisted his head to whisper, laughter still on his lips, "If you mean by making him uncomfortable, _yes_."

Michael's head kept turning towards them, but the fact he kept turning it _away_ told Sage everything he needed to know. He'd experienced this feeling dozens of times on various dates, either real or false, where there was somebody in the crowd who was staring but didn't want to seem like they were. Normally, it reminded him how far society had to go, but this time it was grimly satisfying to see Michael internally squirm.

Alexa was most certainly doing her part. Upon hearing she had helped create an advertising campaign that redefined how people discussed a certain type of cancer treatment, _everyone_ at the table was impressed— most of all Michael.

Sage's blood boiled when he asked his girlfriend why _she_ hadn't made such a lasting contribution.

Tessa's shoulders slumped in defeat.

Alexa continued, bolstering her sister and laying a trap for Michael. "I've never received credit for it publicly, and I never will with how the ad world is set up. You don't need to do big things to be worthwhile, anyway. I'm sure you do a lot in your family company that's for the good of everyone, but it rarely gets traced back to you, just because it's right."

Michael's spine straightened. "People in the company are good about giving credit where it's due. Finance is all about your individual contribution."

Alexa merely shrugged. "I'm sure you see the value in anonymous contribution, though, especially for such a good cause. My goal was to stop one more school funeral, and I think I've achieved it."

Michael's silence spoke more than any reply he could have made. He changed the topic completely. "So… what cars does everyone drive? Or do you all take the subway? After all, that's what people in Japan do, right?"

His laughter died awkwardly when nobody else contributed. Kento mentioned the SUV he shared with Rowen, Ryo his four wheeler and wildlife rescue, and Cye his ambulance driving experience along with his convertible. Leaving Sage for last.

He acted nonchalant, watching Michael's reaction as he said, "I selected a Lexus RC F for its credentials."

Michael paled. "What kind of credentials?"

Sage quirked the smallest smile. "I race at an amateur level, ever since I could legally drive." The fact he had done some races _underage_ had no place in this particular conversation. He didn't want to give Michael any edge in this verbal match.

Michael pushed his shoulders back, puffing up his chest. "Street racing?"

"No." Sage inclined his head, pinning Michael on the end of his gaze. "Yourself?"

Michael's smirk was more posing than pride. "On occasion, if a worthy opponent comes around."

Sage had _no_ tolerance for street racers. His voice turned to frost. "My father has responded to too many street race collisions for me to ever engage in or support such behaviour. I keep my speed on the track and obey the laws of the road, otherwise."

All of Michael's bravado dropped in an instant. From his surprise, he had thought Sage would know what it was like to feel that surge of adrenalin, that desire to compete on a randomly selected course. Sage was vaguely aware of Tessa's unease at this direction— she had enough sense to know that Sage was putting pressure on her boyfriend, and wanted him to stop. Sage had no intention of letting this spineless coward get away without a lecture on the danger he put others in.

He also sensed a hidden amount of fear in Akatsuki, between the lines of her plea for easing the storm that she knew her boyfriend to be.

He couldn't let _that_ stand, either.

Eventually, Michael found his voice again, posture radiating something that hinted at superiority. "I'm sorry. I like to buy my cars for more than just to look at, after all."

Sage took a sip of his drink, hiding his disgust at the flippant bitterness in Michael's tone. "If you wish to spend money on a nice car to race, you should have the required fees for the proper equipment and closed courses so everyone involved remains _safe_."

Michael snorted. "Because not pushing boundaries is how cars were invented in the first place?"

Sage knew his features hardened. He did not care to smooth them back into place at this carelessness. "Pushing boundaries is all well and good when innocent lives are not at stake."

"Street racing wrecks are the worst I have ever been called to, as an EMT," Cye said coldly. Rare was it the eldest of the group let his anger show. Even now, he chose to lecture instead of accuse. "There is a reason demonstrations of skill have the warning _closed course, do not attempt_. Some boundaries are in place to prevent catastrophic loss of life. Seat belts, road barriers, and speed limits are rules written in the blood of those who died needlessly. Closed courses have the team in place to make sure any bloodshed is minimal. There is a saying in my family, attributed to the daimyo Motonari Mōri on the topic— succinctly said, a bundle of arrows is more difficult to snap than a single arrow. Having a racing team makes it less likely you will cut the thread of life short, either your own or innocent bystanders."

Not an ounce of remorse appeared in that man's countenance. "Hey, I said sorry, okay? Lighten up. Not everyone can have a heritage as long-lived as yours." He tilted his head thoughtfully, calculatingly. "Although, remind me again—who holds the title for reigning back-to-back World War champions?"

All five of them bit their tongues. Their nation's history was a complex topic at best, a horrifying one at worst. Rekka released pressure first, saying a sentiment they were all thinking. _'Old war honours mean nothing if there is no modern honour to go with it.'_

Tessa got verbally angry on their behalf. "Japan is also one of our greatest allies in the modern day, Michael."

Sage subtly released a breath, returning to at least passably cordial. "Samurai weren't just warriors, and believing that is the extent of their influence is a disservice to their memory."

Kento pushed up his sleeve, raising his hand in a challenge. "Speaking of warriors— wanna weigh your might with some arm wrestling?"

Michael's smile and voice had an undertone of ferality. "Gladly."

Once sleeves were rolled and the table cleared, they began—

Michael's wrist firmly hitting the table not even a second later.

Kento pulled his hand and Kongo away, evaluating Michael's utterly defeated posture. He was close enough to pouting Sage tried not to sneer. Children pouted at the loss of a match. Adults should not— even if the fight was unfair.

"Not used to losing, huh?" Kento said with a smile.

Rowen laughed internally. _'So much for the atom bomb.'_

Kento gave the sense of shaking his arm. _'Feels like an atom bomb went off in my hand. Kongo didn't want anything to do with him.'_

Before they could continue on that path, Michael straightened. "No. Life goes to the victors, after all."

Sage decided to offer some words of advice— and give his credentials, while he was at it. Michael wouldn't believe anything else. "I would get in the habit of losing, especially if you wish to take your skills further. I seek out loss in every training session, doubly so now that I am training for the national kendo title."

Alexa, Tessa, and Michael all reacted with the surprise Sage expected, all in different ways. Alexa was shocked and impressed, with the smallest touch of fear at what this meant for his physical ability; Michael was fearful in a different way, the way of intimidation at having to measure himself against such a threat; Tessa was in awe at exactly _who_ had been training her.

Tessa was the first to break the silence. "…Since when?!"

All of the animosity Sage had in his conversation with Michael melted away as he smiled at his host sister. "I qualified after my twentieth birthday, last year. It was too soon for me to compete then, but this year I am an official participant. I am trying to avoid media scrutiny as long as possible."

Rowen picked up on his laughter, keeping the light tone. "And here we thought you were nuts, taking on an exchange student while training for nationals _and_ finishing up your degree, but you insisted…"

Sage inclined his head in thanks, chuckling. Leave it to Rowen to drive the conversation towards complementing his student. "With qualifications like hers, it couldn't be anything but the correct choice. She made remarkable progress in a few short weeks, and I hope you will find time to continue training with the Date dojo, Tessa."

Tessa blushed, smiling without a trace of arrogance and clearly pleased at the praise. Sage hadn't praised her enough, in their short time training together— she most certainly deserved more. Kourin conveyed the warmth he felt hadn't been in his voice.

Michael was quick to take ownership of the moment. "Tessa _is_ certainly an extremely talented girl. I'm proud of her skill, and I'm glad she was able to go— that you apparently selected her."

Sage gave him a neutral look, this time, studying him. The way he had an arm around Tessa, squeezing her roughly. The way she turned away from him. The way he challenged Sage to dare steal his girlfriend.

The way he broadcast his insecurity to the whole group.

The way he was attempting to use intimidation to get Sage to back down, making himself taller, bigger.

For all Sage had talked about losing, before, he had no intention of losing _this_ particular power play. Michael had laid his cards flat on the table while Sage held his close enough to his chest that his next move wasn't predictable. The game rules were established, as were the stakes. Sage lost to refine his skill where it counted.

This was the moment it counted.

Rowen broke the silence in conversation, addressing Tessa directly. "Sage also mentioned you're an excellent rider, and have your own horse. I'd love it if you could introduce me, since we haven't had a chance to meet the herd yet."

Before Michael could object, Alexa gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. "Why don't you tell me about your car, Michael?"

He smiled at her. "Better yet—why don't I show you? Sage can come, too. See what a _real_ car looks like."

Alexa nodded, Kure broadcasting her utter _relief_. "I've always wanted to learn more about cars, from people who know them well."

Sage made sure to impress that he would have found a way to stay with her no matter where Michael took her. "I'd be happy to."

Tessa glanced around at the rapid fire exchange. "Um…okay, Rowen. They're in the front paddock right now."

She followed Rowen to the pasture, while Alexa practically lured Michael to his car. Any hesitation Michael had at Sage's presence melted away at Sage's silence and Alexa's continued flattery. The way she stood emphasized her… figure, and Michael was falling directly for it. The dip of his chin wasn't noticeable enough to be a red flag to an untrained eye, but Sage could imagine what his eyes were doing behind those sunglasses. He stayed close, all the while resisting flirting with _her_ for her own protection; they needed this to work. Alexa was full out flirting with him by this point, and Michael had relaxed significantly now that he had a woman making him the centre of the universe. He was smiling, laughing, offering to show her under the hood. Standing in such a way that reminded Sage of other men at the track. Men he had confronted when they decided their cars were a free pass. Men that made Sage stand close to her other side, a hand on her back.

He wouldn't bare his teeth here. Not yet, at least. Alexa seemed to be handling herself admirably, always dodging his more overt advances while keeping him tantalizingly close. Playing with fire but, like any good swordsmith, not getting burned. And so long as Sage didn't contend any part of Michael's car, he kept incriminating himself.

It didn't take long for the hood _to_ get popped, and her to end up leaning over it on her toes, hands propped up on the metal, her spine arched in a _very_ uncomfortable-looking position as it fought to raise her ribs and keep maintaining eye contact. She was playing the part so well, Kure barely even betrayed her utter disgust at the way he was behaving. Kourin bolstered her, and she was able to give a laugh that sounded so genuine, he could barely tell it was forced.

Sage only hoped he didn't have to intervene. Especially as Michael pulled out his phone and asked if he could take a picture, pressing the button before Alexa could reply— all she had time to do was drop her heels and hide her face.

—T—

My mind raced anxiously the entire walk from the back porch to the front pasture. Rowen stayed close on my heels, only elevating my nervousness. Part of me knew I was being ridiculous.

The other part-one that knew exactly what Michael's warning glance meant-knew I wasn't, though.

I knew how this looked to him. I knew there would be questions to answer and explanations to give, later.

But right now…an excuse to visit Starfire sounded wonderful. Even if it _was_ Rowen tagging along.

The mare stood grazing midway across the field, tail furiously swishing away flies. I smiled and shook my head when, upon further inspection, I could make out a thick splash of gray-brown dried clay on her flank. _'Silly girl needs a good currying.'_

Wetting my lips, I hopped up to perch on the fence's top board before whistling the first refrain of Epona's Song. Her head immediately picked up, and I hadn't reached the end of the phrase yet when she nickered happily. Rowen chuckled, leaning his arms on the board beside me as the chestnut trotted over. "I see you trained her well, Link."

I laughed—for a split second. Remembering my boyfriend not far away quickly swallowed the sound. Strata noticed the abrupt silence, sidling closer to Dawn while I reached out to greet Starfire with an affectionate rubbing and pat on the neck. Its Bearer said nothing at first, however, merely watching as I scratched behind my horse's ear.

"Are you okay?"

The soft words nevertheless caused me to wince. _'Of course they noticed.'_ Dawn, probably, had tattle-taled on me, yet again. With a sigh, I muttered, "I was, until everyone started snipping at each other…"

I could hear the frown in Rowen's tone. "If you're referring to Sage's and Cye's lectures, Michael walked right into those. We didn't start this."

Starfire sneezed at the same time I snorted. "Yes you did. He was perfectly pleasant until you all ganged up on him." A flicker of guilt stabbed my heart; staring down at the faint film of dust coming off Starfire's neck onto my skirt, I murmured, "I… _am_ sorry, for his comment about…y'know. I've never heard him say anything like that before."

There was a pause before Rowen asked, "How… _well_ do you know this guy?"

I bit my tongue before _'better than you'_ could run away from me. Didn't mean I had to entertain the question, though—it was absolutely zero parts his business. "Well enough. Met him a year ago, and we've been dating for six months."

"And yet he apparently knows you less well than we do." Confused, I looked over to see him skeptically raising an eyebrow at me. "Sage told us he upset you, back in Japan, because he didn't take your relationship with and concerns about Alexa seriously."

A swell of defensiveness rose in my chest, and a little frustration Sage had told them all that little detail. "That was different."

He straightened, only to turn around and lean with his shoulders against the boards, arms laying casually atop them. "So his talking to Alexa right now is different, too?"

I twisted around as far as I could in the direction opposite from Rowen to peer back toward the house. Even with the hill gently sloping upward to the driveway, I could clearly make out the gold BMW and three figures crowded around its hood. Their voices drifted faintly to us—not enough to make out words, but enough to clearly hear laughter punctuating every few sentences.

The faint blond head on the far side of the vehicle told me Sage had indeed been dragged over. Michael stood close to my sister, who leaned against the fender as she peered into the engine compartment. His hand occasionally strayed to her arm, her shoulder.

Sudden uncertainty and doubt about what to make of that tore my eyes away.

"You don't have to accept that, y'know," Rowen said quietly. "He doesn't have the right to take ownership of you if another man pays you a compliment, when he blatantly flirts with any other woman while your back is turned."

"That's just him being charismatic," I defended uneasily, fluffing my skirt to remove some of the loose dirt from it. Wanting to derail this conversation, I swung my legs over the fence and dropped down onto the grassy side of the yard. "And he _doesn't_ own me. He just…likes having me close. He appreciates me."

I made it one step back toward the house before a hand snatched at my arm. With a sharp gasp, pulse racing, I yanked the appendage away—surprised to find less resistance than I expected—and spun to face Rowen.

For an instant, his eyes flashed angrily. Mine immediately dropped to my feet, as I tried to swallow down my frantically beating heart, "S-Sorry, I'm sorry. I—"

I almost flinched when his voice stopped me, despite the velvety quality to it. "You don't have to apologize, Tessa. If anything I should be saying that to you."

Surprised yet again, I lifted my gaze back to his. The icy sheen to his expression had vanished; a sorrowful, protective warmth filled eyes that were now a shade of blue like twilight after the sun had completely sunk behind the horizon. I licked my lips nervously and shifted my gaze to Starfire still loitering near the fence.

Rowen took a pace closer, just outside my personal space. "Tessa, has Michael ever…handled you harshly?"

The little scared rabbit of my brain could avoid that question about as well as a creature in a snare could avoid the trip mechanism after hitting it. Memory after memory of Michael's hands, Michael's arms pinning me in place flashed past. At the time, they had all seemed so benign, sometimes even romantic. But now all that remained was a disgusted shudder at the underlying feeling of powerlessness lingering in my body and mind.

Unable to trust words, I could only nod.

Strata flared briefly, like a supernova, before trapping the sensation behind his mental barriers. After another pause, Rowen said, "I know you've heard this from Alexa before—but being around him _isn't_ doing you any favors, Tessa. You are one of the most promising young kendoka Sage has met yet. Halo and Dawn's influences or no, he still chose you to come to his dojo based on your merits." With a meaningful pause, as if to let that sink in, he then continued, "Even at your lowest, you have stayed incredibly resilient and shouldered on like the best of onna bugeisha. Yet just now, you flinched back from me. I don't see the woman who charged headlong into a house full of supernatural cultists to rescue her trapped sister. I see…myself after my father verbally reamed me up and down for what essentially amounted to taking up space he could use for his next project."

I stood there silently, letting what he had described sink in. That…that sounded like abuse. He was speaking of the same red flags Alexa kept telling me about.

Except now he and the others were seeing it all first hand—and with fresh eyes.

Something unravelled in me. All at once I could breathe deeply, but also wanted to be violently sick.

"I need to talk to him," I murmured shakily.

I had to know for myself what the hell was going on.

Seeming placated by that, Rowen nodded. He remained a shadow at my side, however, Strata close around Dawn while we climbed the hill and approached the trio. Michael was turned away from us as we did so—meaning he didn't see Rowen square up behind him, folding his arms across his chest.

Not even as _my_ boyfriend made a remark to Alexa that stopped me in my tracks.

The Ronin of Air cleared his throat loudly; Michael turned sharply at the sound, coming nose-to-chest with the taller man. Despite wearing aviators, his posture and the twitch of his lips gave away a split second of fear I was sure he felt.

Rowen's voice sounded just short of a growl. "I think _your_ girlfriend was looking for you."

Something unspoken like the static of an electric shock sparked through the air, their gazes locked for a long, tense moment. Nervous butterflies danced in my stomach when Michael broke it first and turned to me. "What is it, my dove?"

The animalistic edge in his voice made my heart jump, despite his normally affectionate nickname. Comparing that and Rowen's demeanor just minutes made the difference even more jarring. "M-Michael, can we talk?" I swept my gaze across the gathered onlookers and smoothed my hands over my skirt, suddenly overwhelmed by the public forum this had turned into. "Privately?"

The armors resisted, despite Dawn's insistence that I would be fine. Strata in particular seemed watchful, while Dusk most stubbornly remained even as the former and Halo slowly drew back.

 _"I just…need a moment, sis. Promise,"_ I tried reassuring her.

 _"I am going to be right around the corner and I swear to god if he tries something he will_ pay _."_

Normally, that would merit a laugh and perhaps a fond ruffling of her hair for the overprotectiveness. But now it didn't seem so trivial. Dawn conveyed my gratitude for her support, but also a need to be able to stand on my own.

A few moments later, when the three's retreating backs had disappeared around the corner of the house to the porch where we'd gathered earlier, I turned to Michael. The line of tension in his shoulders had eased into something less confrontational, his countenance smoothing out to match. Like the devil and angel of classic cartoons sitting on either shoulder, I felt both a hint of relief at that, yet saw another tiny red flag pop up.

After a steadying inhale, I said, "I'm…concerned, Michael. I've never seen you like this, before." Seeing his mouth turn down with a hint of displeasure, I hastily continued, "I mean, I've also not seen _them_ so callous, either. I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation. I just…want to know if anything's wrong, if everything's okay."

Michael tilted his head at me, contemplatively. Still, though, I couldn't see past the mirror-like reflection of his sunglasses.

I swallowed.

The _bang_ of the BMW's hood closing caused me to jump, as wrapped up in my thoughts as I'd been. "Did you see the way the blue-haired guy kept watching you?"

I blinked, surprised by the seeming non-sequitur. "What?"

He took that as a 'no', stepping closer; I leaned a half-step back at the intrusion into my space. "It was disgusting and creepy. Like he wanted you all for himself, without any regard for how we are already committed to each other. Especially after how he looked at that blond guy!" His hand lifted to my face, thumb brushing across my cheek. "My dove, we don't have to stay where we are clearly unwelcome. Come with me; let me protect you from them."

Now the warning bells went off. Rowen had been right. _Alexa_ had been right. Any past and present romantic gestures or what I had thought to be genuine care for my well-being now revealed their twisted and possessive underpinnings. Michael had never wanted _my_ company—his interactions with Alexa when I thought I wasn't looking made that utterly clear. All he had needed was _a_ woman to satisfy him; and now, among other things, the number of times he had tried to kiss me without my permission—even when I had _explicitly_ told him I wanted to wait, since it would be my first—made more sense than ever.

There was nothing for me in this relationship.

All that ran past my mind in the space of long seconds I presumably spent think over his offer. Resolved to do what Alexa had told me I should have done in the first place, I felt my features harden with determination. "No, Michael. I don't need protecting from _them_. They've been nothing but kind to me from the moment I went to Japan. And I don't need or want to leave my family; I _just_ got Alexa back, and finally have met face to face. Even though it was under such extreme circumstances, I wouldn't trade her for anything." I held back a snarl at my next thought. "Although apparently you don't care the same way for me. You'd hit on any girl that makes you the center of her world, wouldn't you?"

His mouth dropped open in shock; my long-winded rejection of his proposal took him completely by surprise. It quickly melted into something gut-wrenchingly unpleasant. He yanked his glasses off, countenance dark and eyes more stormy than I'd yet experienced.

I instinctively cringed back, but forced myself to stand my ground.

"She tempted me! You can't fault me for giving her the attention she demanded." he snapped.

"Don't give me that song and dance, Michael," I snarled. "You can't talk out of both sides of your mouth and expect me not to figure it out at some point. I am through with you trying to police my behavior when you bite my head off for _less_ than the crap _you_ pull!"

I spun on a heel to leave, considering turning around to snap a final "Go home and don't bother coming back" over my shoulder—

What happened next moved too quickly for me to react more than by pure instinct. Even my combatives training couldn't help when I had let my guard down against an opponent twice my size.

Michael's arm looped around my chest, abruptly halting my forward motion. Before I could yell—either in indignant fury, or to call for help—his elbow had slid neatly into place around my neck in a one-armed chokehold. Neither clawing at it nor throwing an elbow into his side did anything to loosen the uncomfortably tight noose. I could barely get enough air to stave off the black spots at the edge of my vision, let alone scream.

Terrified, mind racing, I flung Dawn's powers outward toward the others.

Purple-red flame licked up the mental connection back at me. I writhed in pain and surprise, Dawn reeling back from the wall that now appeared clear as day in front of me. It took untold seconds to get my bearings back and realize a couple things.

First: that was _cult energy_.

Second: Michael had shoved me in his car, where I sat hyperventilating to restore normal brain function.

Third: I couldn't sense any of the other armors.

One plus one plus one meant I was in a very, _very_ bad situation.

Bonus points: In the very short time I had essentially blacked out, Michael had gotten behind the wheel and already spun the car around to face the end of my driveway.

When I finally made the connection, I wanted to scream but couldn't.

 _He was part of the same damn cult as my mother._

On an inhale while attempting to form some sort of question, accusation—anything—I ended up coughing instead. Something nasty lingered in my lungs, feeling one part sooty and one part cult energy. Or maybe they were one and the same.

Michael took the opportunity to start in on one of his ranting lectures. "You can't expect me to maintain standards when I watch you refuse to resist temptation! Pain you _give_ always returns to you, worse than before! And if you go off and talk to _that boy_ without thinking how I would feel about it, you can't say you didn't bring this upon yourself!"

I wanted to keep telling him off; but between massaging my throat and frantically gulping air, all I could get out was a growly, hoarse, "M-Michael…!"

"I thought I could believe in your loyalty, Tessa," he responded coldly. I didn't have to look over to know his knuckles would be white as snow on the steering wheel, while our momentum told me he was driving erratically. I had already had to brace myself against the door twice. "When we met, I knew there was something special between us. You were clearly unlike other girls, who used their bodies to get what they wanted before tossing the good men they had deceived aside. I knew I could trust you because you had no interest in other men, or pursuing such sinful pastimes. You were too good a Christian for that. You reassured me—over and over again—that you would never be unfaithful. And _I believed you_."

The wounded ache in his voice made me want to laugh— _I_ was disloyal? He should point the finger back at himself!

But I could only listen in growing, abject horror, chest heaving as my respiratory system finally stabilized.

"I was ready to _marry_ you, to devote my life, heart, and soul to my twin flame. I'm still willing to have you, of course—but this can _never_ happen again. I know there is temptation everywhere but you can't succumb to it!"

 _Now_ I could laugh—a single derisive bark of disbelief, to cover for the thrill of shock and fear at the implications _this_ _bastard_ wanted to marry me. " _Me_ succumbing to temptation? Do you even hear yourself right now, Michael? Maybe you should take a look in the mirror—God _knows_ you do that often enough!"

His hand came down hard on my thigh in an open slap, fingers digging painfully into my leg. I gasped, Dawn trembling at the energy that flooded the tiny confines of the BMW.

Belatedly, I realized she had been trying to tell me something since the moment Michael pulled into my driveway, and I hadn't listened. How had I been so _stupid_.

"You have been corrupted!" he shouted. "You have no place to tell me what to do! Now keep quiet until I tell you otherwise. All your negative energy is distracting me, and I can't have my future bride so out of alignment before we are wed."

My blood ran cold.

He was going to _force_ a marriage.

This was real. This _was_ an out-and-out _kidnapping_. Somehow I had fallen—walked, really—right into the same kind of trap that we had rescued my sister from just days ago. And for all I had liked to think it could never happen to me, I knew the signs too well, was too well-trained, knew just what to do to _prevent_ such an occurrence—

Yet here I was with no way out but the door of a seventy-mile-an-hour-plus vehicle onto solid pavement. The thought to use Dawn crossed my mind, but the cult energy had her curled up like a shaking puppy in the center of a flame-wreathed cage. And even if I wanted to call the armor, I didn't know _how_ ; we hadn't had that lesson yet. Nor did I dare try to reach through that wall of energy again in an attempt to contact Alexa or the guys.

And Michael's hand still gripping my thigh was a stark, paralyzing reminder of what could happen if I continued to provoke him further.

So, resigned to waiting for an advantageous opening, I buckled myself in to endure the unknown.


	18. Chapter 18

**Warnings:** kidnapping, cult material, exorcism

* * *

 _Chapter 18_

—A—

Hearing raised voices gave me— all of us— a sense of grim satisfaction. The plan had worked. She had seen the snake we all saw and from the way Dawn was flaring with the temper I had just been so afraid of, this was the end of it. We all stood on the porch, braced, the weight on the balls of our feet should she scream. Should we hear skin slapping against skin. Should the now-yelling turn into something dangerous. Rowen had it the worst, glaring down at his feet as we heard what felt like the final blow.

Only to be rewarded with silence.

One second too long of silence.

I couldn't sense my sister.

"She's not that good at hiding her signature yet."

No sooner had the words had left Rowen's mouth did crunching gravel mix with a revving engine.

Both of us vaulted over the railing and took off around the house, Sage a pace behind. We rounded the corner to see Michael's gold BMW peeling off down the driveway, the lingering sense of _fire_ in his wake. I coughed and gasped for air, body a mix of trembling and rigid. Sage caught me before I could fall to my knees, all of us staring in horror as the car _vanished_.

They had her.

My vision went blurry as the guys crowded around, subarmour drawn. Rowen knelt down, picking up something shining in the sun. I only registered they were Michael's sunglasses when a loud _crack_ filled the air, metallic fragments falling to the dirt from Rowen's fist.

He pulled up Strata.

Sage's hand caught his wrist before he had a chance to take off. "Rowen, wait."

Rowen rocked back on his heels, looking back at the both of us. His eyes went from angry to compassionate and hurt in an instant. "Sage…"

Sage tensed his grip momentarily. "Be careful."

At a single nod, he let go and Rowen rocketed into the air.

I turned towards Sage, breath shuddering, fingers tangling in his shirt. We sank to the ground, his arms tight around me and the guys crowding around us. No words needed to be said. Anger and helplessness burned from the other armours, too hot for any logical plans.

They had her.

The one thing I had promised they would never do.

I had failed.

Before my thoughts could run away with me, a sense of air moving and four new signatures flooded the space. I looked up to see four people— two familiar, Kayura and Dais, two I didn't know— in full armour, glaring down the road. One of them had taken his helmet off and thrown it to the ground, revealing blue-black hair and a scar across his eye.

They looked towards us and the sharp edge of anger died again. I hid back against Sage's chest at the sound of the door slamming shut. That meant Dad. That meant accounting for my actions.

Explaining why I hadn't done more.

"We're too late…" Dais murmured.

 _I_ had been too late.

A sniffle made its way out.

Then a sob.

I hadn't supposed to worry about this until after she had graduated. Until after she was in a war zone and I wasn't available to protect her, available to stop the gun, available to pull her away. I had _been here_ this time. I had done everything I could've to keep her safe the way a big sister was supposed to.

And Michael had taken her _anyway_.

I couldn't stop crying, now. Sobs racked my body, freefalling into depression at what this meant. Sage rubbed my back, tense with worry and anger, himself. "We'll get her back."

That hardly even felt like it mattered, right now.

I didn't know how long I stayed in his arms, ignoring the world. I heard Ryo ask where Rowen was. I heard the guys fill Dad in. I heard them say we should probably work on packing up and driving, and how the Warlords were going to try and track them.

The world was still going on and I didn't want the world to go on, I wanted time to not exist so she would still be here and I didn't have to face what I had failed to do. Even with the option to make it right I had still failed and what if I couldn't atone for it? What if I _couldn't_ get her back?

What if I failed twice?

My tears stopping felt more like running out of water than it did running out of feeling. I stayed collapsed in Sage's arms, his shirt wet under my face. I didn't move until keys jingled.

"Can you drive, Sage?"

I scrambled back before he could even ask if I would be willing to let him go, before I could intrude any more than I already had. Sage got up and brushed the gravel, dust, and grass out of his slacks before catching the keys; Dad put a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, nearly screaming.

He pulled his hand back.

Before he could get out a word, I quickly murmured "I'm sorry" and beat everyone to the van, tugging the door open and going to hide in the back corner.

Ryo joined me there, Cye and Kento taking middle seats. Sage took the front, with _Dais_ sitting in the passenger side.

"We can make better time if the police can't see us," Ryo said quietly.

I nodded, that statement going in one ear and out the other. I was starting to click out, guilt overwhelming me. I had flinched at my dad's touch. I had run away when he tried to apologize. I had apologized instead but it hadn't been loud enough and what if he saw my running off as an offence to him.

Everything was still all too much. I curled up against the window, trying to convince myself I should keep breathing.

I had to get her back.

Fear and self hatred melted into resolve. Some sort of desire to fix this. I could fix this. I could. I had to.

Ryo put his hand on my shoulder. "It'll be okay."

I exhaled. "I hope so."

Time kept ticking by, Sage's driving setting my teeth on edge. He casually sped up, wove between lanes, and only slowed down when he had to. I knew, subconsciously, I was tapping into the same space-time manipulation powers that Michael had— I rationalized it by fighting fire with fire. Push came to shove, I'd blame our time on Sage's abilities.

"I see you're giving me a challenge," Dais said levelly.

Sage smirked. "If this was a challenge for you, I'd question what you had been doing the past six years."

There was hardly any more conversation after that. Other than trying to discuss what the plan was— a plan that constantly changed as we drove farther and farther with Rowen saying Michael hadn't stopped yet— there was just quiet tension in the car.

Three hours after we had started, Rowen finally signaled an end to Michael's movements. " _They've stopped. Looks like an old abandoned school in the northeast…but I don't think it's abandoned anymore."_

I paused, gears clicking together in my head. "… _I know where they are. That has to be in New York."_

Kento put New York into the GPS. "… _That's a seven hour drive."_

Rowen sounded exhausted as he said, " _Do you know where, exactly? Not a lot of road signs up here."_

For probably the first time, I _thanked_ the fact my mother obsessively told me of all cult movements and activities in the early stages of trying to get me back. I had learned about this compound as a child, and had learned about all the work done on it to try and get me excited about designing the place. She'd even bribed me with designing my own suite. " _It's around Ithaca. Outside of it. I don't know where exactly, though, but I could probably sense it."_

" _Probably could,"_ Rowen replied. " _There's practically a neon sign that says "youja, this way!""_

I chuckled extremely darkly. " _You mean the barrier they put around every place they live?"_

The air in the car went icy.

" _Barrier?"_ Kento said, almost in a squeak.

Sage followed that thought. " _Like what we ran into at the farmhouse?"_

I nodded. " _They have protection spells around the compound. Any compound. If you know what to sense you can feel them, and if you go through the wrong one, it… hurts. A lot. One of the reasons I never ran."_

" _So…do I go after her, or not?"_ Rowen said, every ounce of his anxiety and desire to end this now showing. " _He's moving her. I have a clear shot._ "

" _Stand fast, Tenku,"_ Dais replied sharply. He turned his attention to me. " _Can they seal access to armour abilities?"_

My body trembled involuntarily at the reminder. I shrugged despite that. " _They've blocked Dusk before. Just… worn me down to the point she vanished from exhaustion."_

Kento propped his cheek on a fist. "… _So basically we're useless."_

I paused as everything came together slowly, anxiety hijacking my processing speed. " _Apparently…"_

Rowen cursed. I wasn't very far behind. They wouldn't be there to help and I would be doing it all alone. Somehow, my anxiety didn't rise up to the point I started coughing.

Dais spoke before I could even consider reaching that point. " _Lady Kayura and we mashou, however, may have an advantage. We have retained a certain amount of acclimatization to their energies, from the youjakai and our experience with Arago. It is possible we can at least infiltrate via other measures."_

That calmed me down tremendously. I'd have backup, and I knew what Kayura could do. Maybe we had a shot at this.

As anxiety drained away, my head cleared. Slowly, still through a fog, the best possibility to solve everyone's problems came to mind. " _If I can manage to take out the central flame, the barrier would go down at least temporarily."_

Rowen exhaled. " _Well, whatever we plan, just keep me in the loop. Strata's energy is wiped out and will need some time to recover, but I can keep an eye on things here in the meantime."_

" _Rest up,"_ Ryo said softly. " _We'll be able to home in on you now that you're in one place."_

" _As soon as anything changes here, I'll let you know."_ With that, he drew back enough he could listen, but not enough to spend more energy than he had to.

We were all quiet, after that. My mind went back to racing, going through too many possibilities. Flashbacks threatened as I kept circling back to one point: purification. The same thing that had happened to me, when they'd captured me a week ago.

I rubbed my face to muffle my voice. "I don't want to think about what's going on in there."

Somehow, Dais heard me. He glanced back, eye understanding. Some flint of fear remained, but I at least felt compassion. "Neither do any of the rest of us. However, you are the only one who can prepare us all for what to expect, and provide any weaknesses we may exploit."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Weaknesses? Construction. They're renovating stuff for the upcoming world war they're convinced will happen. The fact that most of the people who _live_ there are worn down from commanding youja fire all day. Of course, that also means that instead of one source of youja fire, there are potentially hundreds. And a third of them could be controlling Guardians. There are probably at least thirty-three in there… if not ninety-nine."

Kento's eyes widened. " _Hundreds_ of youja?"

I swallowed. "You start learning how to call them when you're… old enough to have conscious thought, really… the minute you can start following their 'decrees', you start giving them."

I didn't want to think about how horrified they were at the prospect. It was another cold shower of reality, reminding me how abnormal my childhood was. Reminding me there were probably children in the compound. Children who might already be too far gone.

Dais' voice was absently thoughtful, despite its coolness. "That would perhaps explain why Lady Kayura and the others are struggling to reach the location via the youjakai. They tell me there is too much activity for them to appear directly inside the compound proper, or even near it."

Ryo frowned. "So…how are we going to fight them? If we can't even get close, and there are hundreds…"

I gave a lopsided smirk. "I may or may not be able to take control of everything so long as I have enough time to work my way through? Especially if I had Kayura's help."

Their reluctance to that idea wasn't what I had been expecting. I deflated, slightly, having hoped for some pride that I was powerful enough to likely take on a whole commune of prayer. Even though I knew they were worried about me, worried that I might overtax myself, I'd still hoped for a little happiness I could do such a feat.

"Very well," Dais replied. "Then we shall take care of any… Guardians, for you."

Cye picked up on the dubious note in Dais' words. "Youja soldiers that can reconstitute."

Kento pounded a fist into his palm. "And we can create a diversion to draw off some cultists."

There was the trembling back in my voice. "Just avoid their swords and the barrier around the compound, and you'll be okay."

Ryo reached out and rubbed my arm across the middle seat. "She'll be okay. You survived. So will she."

Tears were making themselves known, bleeding into my laughter. "It's not surviving I'm worried about. It's…"

Sage glanced at me through the rearview mirror. "We're all here to support each other. That will lessen her chance of being traumatized."

"And Sage can heal any physical injuries," Cye continued.

I blinked; moisture rolled down my cheeks. "The one thing I wanted was to keep her safe from this cult and I failed."

Ryo squeezed my shoulder. "We all did. None of us could have known Michael was one of them."

I shook my head. "No wonder they knew about Japan. He would've given them everything."

Sage glanced at me again, now that traffic had clogged back up. "In a sense, that's reassuring— it means they didn't sense her from across the ocean."

My exhale shuddered. "It also means they know where Dad is…"

"We'll…cross that bridge when we come to it," Kento said softly. "Right now our priority is getting Tessa back."

That allowed me to put everything away. I'd have backup, I could take on the cult, and we were nearly there. Now I could focus on myself. "Should… probably eat, if we're going to help Rowen…"

We took the next exit that had fast food I _could_ eat, pulling into the parking lot and walking inside. A few deep stretches accompanied the movements, all of us stuck in a car and tense for hours and needing something of a release.

A few minutes later, we had our order and were piling right back in the car for the last leg. Sage made a joke about how he did not want to drive distracted, but from the way he dug into his food with almost the same ferocity as the rest of us, that was very obviously a joke.

Tension had half drained out of the car when sudden alarm from Strata filled it right back up. " _She's outside! They're doing something and I just heard her scream and…"_

I nearly threw up right in my seat. " _They're… exorcising her."_

Too many thoughts and feelings and memories and _sensations_ overwhelmed me. If she was screaming that had to mean what I didn't want it to mean. I knew exactly what it felt like to scream in pain. I knew exactly what they could do and I'd hoped apparently beyond hope that they wouldn't be doing this to her but they were and we were still too far away to do anything, too far away to make it stop and I had wanted to protect her from ever feeling what I had felt. Protect her from feeling what she was now feeling and I had failed—

Ryo unbuckled his seatbelt and moved the food wrappers away from the middle seat, sliding into a position he could wrap an arm around me before buckling back in. Before he could say anything, Rowen said something else.

" _I think I can get her."_

The air in the car froze.

" _Wait for the mashou to join you."_

" _Wait for_ me _to join you!"_

Various comments about thinking about it, about waiting, about how far we were out filled the connection. Every one of the guys with something else to say.

Rowen was just as sharp as we were desperate, cutting through their voices. " _I had to watch him drag her in there. Who knows how long she'll be out here this time. I_ have _to try!"_

Sage sounded the most heartbroken of all. " _Be careful."_

Rowen only acknowledged before disappearing from the connection.

It took another fifteen minutes for the Warlords to find the location. Right before going in, they stopped.

" _The barrier around the compound is solid."_

They were trapped.

I tried not to scream.

—8—

They were hurting her.

They were _hurting her_ and damn it all if he'd sit here and let them!

Lingering weariness fell away as Tenku's energy wrapped around him and coalesced into cool steel. A quick test of the loamy footing was all the pause Rowen made before bending his knees and propelling himself into the air with one mighty leap.

He hovered at the edge of the forest to survey his target, one hand shading against the slowly sinking sun to his left. The school-turned-commune sprawled away before him encircled by various outdoor construction projects. He had made note of them earlier—but they weren't his focus, now.

A circular courtyard carved into the center of the complex, however, was.

Rowen was taking a huge gamble, he knew. Once through the barrier, there was no guarantee he would be able to maintain access to any number of his powers. But the odds had never stopped him before, not against an army of ten thousand youjakai soldiers or even Kayura herself. As long as there was any inkling of a chance, he'd take it.

Last time youja had shut down their powers, the Ronin had been in subarmor and totally unprepared. With Tenku already drawn up, he hoped to at least negate that disadvantage. Some armor was better than none, and Kento didn't call him a rabbit for nothing. His hand-to-hand might be a little rusty, too, but again—

Tessa screamed a second time.

Rowen climbed three hundred feet over the school in a matter of a few seconds, carefully centering himself above his target. Far below, he could pick out a not-inconsiderably sized crowd circled up around Akatsuki's familiar green aura and another, sickly multicolor aura. Bright blue-green flames in the center of the courtyard would probably be the brazier Alexa had described.

The Ronin frowned. Odds or no—it would be incredibly stupid to just drop in amongst dozens of cultists and their youja. Especially with that protective spell still intact. And he didn't dare try to shoot it, with Tessa standing so close.

If he could create a diversion, however…

His eyes skimmed the former campus and settled on a very large, very expensive-looking backhoe adjacent to the building. Within moments of a plan forming in his mind, he had whipped the hankyu off his back and sighted down one golden arrow shaft. Centering his aim at the main cabin, Rowen called spiralling currents to the tip of his arrow and let fly.

A sound like a freight train coming off its rails erupted through the forest, scattering wildlife and raising a smokescreen of earth and debris. People gasped and yelled in shock as hail-sized rocks showered the crowd. Pandemonium spread like a wildfire.

Rowen wasn't paying attention to that, however; he'd dropped like a stone into the courtyard as soon as the billowing cloud would conceal his descent. Focusing on the air around him told him when he passed through the cult barrier—like hitting the surface of a pool—and then neared the ground. That same focus turned into a controlled burst that simultaneously stabilized his landing and cleared the dust from his immediate vicinity.

Youja energy pressed heavily down on his lungs. The very atmosphere cried out to him for release. Faintly, it crossed his mind that this must be how Cye felt around poisoned water.

And then the air _heaved_ , and Rowen staggered with sudden nausea.

' _No!'_

He was already running out of time.

Coughing, he fought through the drain on his energy to scan the courtyard. Relief eased his breathing very slightly—Tessa knelt only a few feet away, shoulders hunched and forehead to her knees. He hurried to her side, slipping a hand under one arm to pull her to her feet.

A sensation like static electricity crackled through them both, as he steadied her against his chest. Rowen couldn't tell from whom it originated, but the violet silk binding her wrists felt like youja, _and_ he could sense his grasp on Tenku slowly but surely slipping away. The yoroi had already smoothed down to subarmor.

They had to get out. _Now_.

He couldn't even appreciate the fact that her own yoroi had fully manifested in order to protect her. The woman was clearly exhausted, still getting her bearings back after whatever torture they had inflicted on her. "Tessa? Tessa, can you hear me? We have to go."

"Rowen?" she asked disbelievingly. She sounded more lucid by the second, at least. "What—"

The dust was starting to dissipate. His eyes landed on a discarded sword, and his stooping to retrieve it cut her off. "Can you run?" he asked simply, steadying her on her feet with his free hand.

After a split second to test her balance, Tessa nodded. Satisfied—and hearing voices moving their way—he carefully sliced through her bindings, revealing the armor equivalent of raw burns. She touched them, cautiously, before shooting him a quizzical glance. "What are—"

He nudged her shoulder in the direction of what he hoped was the nearest entrance. "Not now. _Go_. I'm right behind you."

Thankfully, she set aside an argument for later.

Especially since two Guardians moved to intercept them before they had even left the courtyard.

Tessa nimbly sidestepped the first, backpedalling to maintain her distance. Rowen met the second head-on, ducking beneath its massive lance to neatly slide his sword through the gap between breastplate and helm. The blade skittered off nebulous energy with more solidity than logically made sense; but he was familiar with that.

Blue glowing eyes slowly faded out…

And then snapped back to life.

A low growl rumbled in his throat. They didn't have _time_ for this.

' _At least they're slower moving than Dynasty soldiers,'_ he realized, as the Guardian shuddered and hefted its weapon.

An angry shout and the thunderous cacophony of metal falling against metal drew his attention—but only for a brief moment, before Rowen was forced to deflect the lance swinging in slow motion for his torso. The sheer strength of even a glancing impact sent his blade spinning from his hand.

Then its body jerked to one side, stumbled, and crashed to the ground.

A very satisfied Tessa stood in its place, clapping imaginary dust from her hands.

"That oughta slow them down a bit," she quipped.

Rowen retrieved his sword. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

They resumed their escape.

Only two forks later, they found themselves in a long, wide hall. It had to be the former physical education wing, judging by the occasional pairs of double doors that were the only major breaks in the smooth wall on one side.

As they came nearer to the far end, he grabbed Tessa by the back of her yoroi's breastplate to prevent her running right into danger.

Armored footsteps from the front. Light footwear from the rear.

Hemmed in on both sides, no windows to break through, and too many threats to fight off by himself—not without his full yoroi.

The _mashou_ could show up to help _any_ time now.

He laid a hand on Tessa's shoulder, scanning her yoroi only to notice she appeared to have no visible weapon. No wonder she had resorted to tackling the Guardians. "Where's Dawn's weapon?"

She looked dubious. "No idea. I don't even really know how I pulled up Dawn in the first place."

Rowen's jaw tightened. They were running out of options.

' _Think think think—'_

They'd passed a set of bathrooms or locker rooms a short ways back. A quick glance showed an unmarked wooden door across the hall from the paired entrances. Even if it was only a janitor's closet, just enough space to hide while the two groups passed was all they needed.

It was another gamble—but he'd take that chance over having to choose between facing cultists, Guardians, or both.

"This way."

He pushed Tessa toward that sliver of hope; after a moment of bewilderment, she caught onto the idea. When she reached it first and tugged the door open, he breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed as though no one had thought to use it for anything, so the already-tiny space was as free of clutter as it could possibly get.

Still, following her into it and shutting the door resulted in…a rather tight squeeze.

Rowen tried to keep his eyes on the slats at the bottom of the door that allowed for light and ventilation. The footfalls grew louder with each breath they tried to keep quiet, but couldn't quite overpower the hammering of his heart in his ears.

Then it occurred to him—what if the cult simply sensed their yoroi and found them out? He would have essentially doomed them both by locking them in here. ' _Damnit, Touma. You're supposed to be smarter than this.'_

But maybe…if he could buy Tessa some time…

He glanced over to her, his planning momentarily forgotten upon realizing their proximity. She stood so close her breath tickled his neck, one hand gripping his armored bicep either for comfort or stability—perhaps both. The Ronin, too, had snaked an arm around her almost without realizing it, subtly drawing her against him as if that alone could protect her.

And _gods_ did he want to.

But now he wasn't sure he could.

Careful to keep his voice hardly more than a breath, he bent down to speak in her ear. "The moment I open the door, run."

Her lashes against his cheek made him shiver. "What? What are you going to do?"

"Buy us time."

The footsteps were starting to slow. Tessa tried to keep her voice quiet, but Rowen still glanced nervously back at the shards of light striping their shins. "Rowen! You ca—if they catch y—I can't just leave you behind!"

"You won't," he reassured—not as certainly as he wanted. "I'll be right behind you."

"They want me to marry Michael."

Those words knocked all the air out of his lungs. He turned his head sharply to look at her and found green-hazel eyes meeting his, close enough their noses nearly touched.

Close enough to kiss her.

Before he could completely process the implications of either revelation, Tessa continued, "They _need_ me. They need me…basically safe. I…I can survive this—at least a little longer." She inhaled, a little shaky, and said, "You, though—I don't know what they'll do. If Dawn is struggling, just imagine what they could do to Strata."

The words tumbled past his lips before he could stop them, a fierce whisper. "I can't let them hurt you."

"And how do you think _I_ 'd feel if they hurt or killed you because of me?" she shot back.

His temper was starting to get the better of him—never a good sign. "And how do you think _I_ feel hearing they're going to force you to marry _him_? Are you really going to ask me in good conscience to leave you to such a fate?"

Passing shadows broke the clean lines of artificial light through the slats. Tessa's glare melted into concern, a quiet gasp brushing over his skin. Rowen tightened his arm around her, shifting his grip on the hilt of his stolen sword.

And then Tenku pulsed blue, once, very faintly.

The subarmor faded away, nestling as its orb in his jeans pocket.

His heart skipped a beat. That hadn't happened during the War.

"Rowen!" Tessa squeaked.

Something blocked the light into their hiding place.

Hurriedly, the Ronin lifted his free hand to cup her cheek, watching her eyes intently. "Tessa, listen to me. The others are almost here. Whatever happens in the meantime, whatever they do or don't do to me, promise me you'll do whatever you can to resist them. They can't use me as leverage if you don't let them. They can't win if you don't break. Can you do that for me?"

Her eyes gleamed with emotion—fear, determination, doubt, even _power_. Akatsui's strength rested just below the surface, demanding release.

Rowen only hoped it was enough.

The woman swallowed, lifting her hand to his. "I promise if you do."

For a split second, the thought occurred to him that he couldn't know what might happen in the next few minutes. For all he knew, this could be the last time he saw her like this, if everything went wrong; this could be his last chance to say anything. In that light, the urge to kiss her became almost overwhelming.

He steeled his heart.

"I promise."

The doorknob turned.

They were found.


	19. Chapter 19

**Warnings:** Cult programming, mind control, assault, gaslighting. This chapter deals very, very heavily with cult material. Please skip to the notes at the end if you need a summary of this chapter.

* * *

 _Chapter 19_

Rowen's charge took the cultists by surprise—especially the one in the middle of opening the door.

Talk about a jumpscare.

I followed quickly after him, both of us darting along the wall in the direction we had been going. Guardians that had formed a loose cordon across the width of the hall turned to intercept, but too slowly to prevent us slipping by. Almost simultaneously, some of the cultists gave chase; others began chanting.

Alexa had _not_ been kidding when she described it as auctioneer fast.

Armored footsteps drowned them out, echoing gratingly on our ears. A glance over my shoulder showed them moving _much_ faster than the ones in the courtyard had. And Rowen was moving slower, I noticed. He had started off a half-pace ahead of me, but now he had dropped level even though I had slowed to look at the Guardians. His breathing was heavier than normal, too—but I chalked that up to the wash of dark power flooding the area.

There was little time to be concerned about it.

The corridor hit a T and split along the edge of the building, huge windows in the process of being replaced with stained glass making up the outside wall. A thrill of hope shot through me—we would be outside if we could break through that, or just find a door, and then escape should be as simple as getting lost in the trees.

Rowen skidded on the sharp turn and stumbled. From the sound of it, he went down hard, his sword clattering loudly against the tile. By the time I managed to skid to a halt and pivot around, he had propped himself up on one arm.

Something was causing him to struggle more than he should have, however.

Our pursuers were gaining ground. I started to jog to him, only for Rowen to look up and fix his eyes on something behind me. "No! Tessa, _run_!"

Wondering what caused that note of desperation in his voice, I paused and glanced back.

A grey-multicolor film like a dirty bubble slowly wavered in the air twenty feet away.

' _The cultists' chanting!'_ They were creating another barrier to trap us. But Rowen had made it through the last one; we could do it again, even if I had to drag him with me.

I hurried back to where he'd regained his feet, reaching for his hand. "C'mon!"

He evaded my grasp and gently but firmly pushed me toward the slowly coalescing barrier. "No time, now _go_."

"Not without you!" I insisted.

Propelling me another step forward, he growled, "If that thing goes solid, we're _both_ trapped. At least you have to get out!"

"Then stop arguing and let's _go_!"

I managed to grab ahold of his hand, this time. He stopped resisting and allowed me to pull him along. We broke into a run again with the Guardians nearly on our heels.

Twelve feet.

Five.

I instinctively twisted to put my side first through the barrier.

We slammed into what might as well have been a brick wall. My shoulder and head protested the abuse, smarting like an acupuncturist had had a heyday with their needles. Rowen barely managed to avoid crushing me, sidestepping while his momentum also threw him into the ghostly projection.

He cursed, banging a fist against the glass-like surface, then darted away to scoop up his discarded sword. The first suit of armor overtook him there, forcing an engagement while two of the five zeroed in on me.

I needed something to fight with, and I needed it _now_. ' _So much for Dawn being Balance's weapon.'_

My focus narrowed to my two opponents. The panic and adrenaline of our flight finally gave way to fury the size of a dragon, my whole body feeling like it could spontaneously burst into flame.

Weapon or no—if I were to go down, it'd be swinging; kicking and screaming, too, if necessary.

All that emotion merged into a snarl that morphed into a roar, fist cocked back to throat-punch Guardian number one.

Something solid pressed against my palm, as I swung. My fingers tightened instinctively around cool metal shaped as if it had been molded to my hand. A golden-edged double-sided blade cleaved entirely through the Guardian's smoky innards. Its helmet fell at my feet, quickly followed by a massive pile of armor pieces that had me pressing up against the barrier to avoid being buried.

Before I could quite get more than a shocked glimpse of my shiny new toy, however, the second Guardian grabbed me by the throat.

Thankfully, I had enough presence of mind to simply lop its arm off.

Gasping for air, I scrambled to put distance between it and me. Those precious seconds I had bought allowed me to survey the scene. At the barrier, my opponent was starting to shake off the loss of its limb; to my left, Rowen—

' _Oh no.'_

His three foes had surrounded him in the middle of the hall, where he had dropped to one knee. By now, the gaggle of cultists caught up and stepped through the other side of the barrier as easily as parting water. Long-faced apparitions—youja manifestations, I realized—floated alongside them and made a beeline for the Ronin.

Michael led the group.

Out of a thousand thoughts, right then, one thing became clear. I had a choice to make: escape, or try to save Rowen. If there was the slightest chance that Dawn's power could cut through the barrier, that was the path of least resistance. All I had to do was dispatch one Guardian.

Except…if Michael blamed Rowen for my "straying", like I suspected he did…

Leaving him behind would be a horrible way to repay Rowen, after risking his neck to break me out.

Before I could act on that resolve, a metal arm the size of my torso wrapped around and pinned me to a curved surface. The suit's remaining hand clamped down on my sword arm like a vice—even moreso when it squeezed until I thought my arm would fall off. I cried out, fingers slowly growing numb while I futilely struggled with all my might against its hold. Dawn's sword fell from my grasp anyway, vanishing before it could hit the floor.

Desperate, not even thinking about it, one word slipped my lips.

"ROWEN!"

I didn't quite figure out what happened next until after the fact.

A powerful gust barrelled through the corridor like a bomb, rattling the stained-glass panes. Immediately in its wake, a golden arrow sliced through the space beside my left ear, piercing the Guardian's breastplate.

It dropped me.

I barely caught myself with one hand, immediately shaking out my sword arm as the blood rushed back into it. After a glance to reassure myself that _thing_ was at least momentarily down for the count, I pushed windblown hair from my eyes and looked down the hall to Rowen.

'… _He got his armor back!'_

Something didn't feel right about it, however. Strata… _burned_ with a garnet-toned light that was too similar for comfort to the cult's aura. There was a chilling efficiency to the way he fought the animated suits of armor, despite how they towered over even his six-foot build. He knocked them aside like toy soldiers, his bow doubling as a staff.

Once they were out of the way—he turned on the humans.

I caught a gleam of red within the shadows of a silver mask across his face.

And then what he had told me back at the hotel clicked.

My sword easily answered my summons, this time, as I ran to intercept him. He had zeroed in on Michael, the cult sword he'd stolen now held in his right hand. I jumped one Guardian's empty shell, Dawn's strength more than my own fuelling a burst of speed.

Strata's blow met my weapon with a sound like a gunshot. He staggered at the sudden change in balance, half of the flimsy blade spinning off to one side. I recovered my faculties faster than he did, a golden katana's blade poised to stop any further sign of aggression.

Meanwhile, Rowen appeared to be fighting with himself. The bow would twitch upward a few inches, only to suddenly jerk back the other way. Strata's glow pulsed erratically, alternately so bright as to hurt my eyes and then dimming to almost nothing.

Movement from down the hall caught my attention. One of the cultists had scooped up Rowen's arrow and fitted it to a bowstring.

Training it on him—who was winning the struggle with his dark armor.

The next three seconds passed in a blur.

Strata completely vanished. The archer released the arrow. I threw my weight into Rowen.

All breath left my lungs upon impact, every muscle tense at the white-hot stab through my right side. Stars sparked to life behind my eyelids, teeth grit against the all-encompassing pain that wanted to emerge in a scream or a cuss or both. A pair of arms around my waist was the only thing that kept my suddenly weak knees from giving way.

'… _Oops.'_

Rowen's voice sounded a bit dazed in my ear. "Tessa? What—" His hand, though gentle, still drew an agonized hiss through my teeth when it jostled the shaft embedded in my side. Panic overrode his confusion. " _Gods_ no… Tessa! What—what happened? W-Wha—did I—"

"You demon!"

Oh no. Michael.

Trepidation crept into Rowen's voice, as I felt him lower us to a crouch and let me sag against him. "What do you mean, 'demon'? You're the monster, here!"

"You placed her in harm's way with your cursed yoroi!" he snarled. "This is your fault!"

No, no no no no. Michael was going to twist this for all he was worth! And I couldn't contradict him because I was still reeling from being shot. The initial fire in my ribs was starting to numb out into that liquidy feeling when one's arm fell asleep, but my ears were already ringing and I had to blink away black spots momentarily.

That wasn't a good sign.

"What are you talking about?" Rowen snapped back. "It's your fault she's even _here_ in the first place!"

"You're the one who shot her!"

His breath hitched at that, a stillness coming over him that did not bode well. "N…n-no."

It had taken the entire exchange up until this point, but then it hit me. Whatever had just happened with his armor to make it go bloodthirsty also meant he couldn't remember anything.

But _I_ did—if I could just tell him.

A fist curled in his sweater got his attention, his arms tightening supportively. I used a sharp inhale to steady myself, giving the tiniest shake of my head to emphasize my words, "N-No—Ro…"

Before I could finish, my mother's voice rang out.

"Peace be still!"

A concentrated wave of youja energy washed over us, amplified by the spirits that had earlier encircled Rowen. I couldn't bite back a wail of pain, every nerve on fire either from supernatural or physical stimuli. When the sensations passed, I became vaguely aware of a wet spot on my side.

Blood. It had to be blood.

Strike two for good signs.

And Deborah was here. Strike three; we had to get _out_.

But trying to push myself up only resulted in a second bout of black spots and vertigo. Rowen lifted my left arm over his neck at the same time as his other hand found the puncture, sans arrow. The pressure of his fingers abruptly lifted away while something else replaced them.

A glance down showed Dawn's plates to be as perfectly uniform over the wound as the rest of the armor.

Deborah's approach shifted our attention, her face a mask of hard edges and barely-contained cold fury. "Don't you dare!"

"No! Don't _you_ come any closer!" Rowen snarled, hefting us both to our feet. I swayed unsteadily, grateful to have his supportive arm around me.

The woman who had given birth to me took another step despite Rowen's warning. "You need to let me heal her!"

"She _needs_ a _hospital_ , not your sorcery!" the Ronin retorted. "You never wanted her in the first place, so why all of a sudden should she believe you want her in your life now?"

"I want her in my life now! I've changed!"

For some reason, everything was starting to sound fuzzy, and the ringing in my ears had returned. Even Rowen's voice from right beside me was starting to garble. "If you'd really changed you wouldn't have had your own daughter kidnapped, nor force your other daughter into a marriage she doesn't want."

I watched as if detached from my own body when she moved to reach for me again. Rowen stepped a couple paces back, drawing me with him and putting us at the edge of the ring of cultists, Spirits, and Guardians. She frowned dangerously, reaching for a pouch at her waist.

Something like sand arced from her hand and scattered over us. All remaining strength I had vanished. Whatever that stuff was, it sapped any ability to move. I could feel Rowen try to fight it, staggering under my weight, but it was no use. He crumpled to the floor—and other hands, familiar hands, _Michael's_ hands caught me.

That was when I found I could at least talk, feeble though my voice was. "S-stop! _Stop_! Leave him _alone_ , he's done nothing wrong!"

"How can you still defend him?" Michael demanded, in a tone that sounded…heartbroken. "After he's endangered all our lives by using that wicked yoroi, destroying our construction equipment, threatening our safety, and then causing you to be injured…?"

I watched helplessly while three people descended on Rowen, withdrawing more silk ribbon from their pockets.

The effects of the sand began to wear off just as they dragged him to his feet; he threw an elbow into one cultist, shrugging away another, only for the last to yank one arm behind his back. More moved forward to help subdue him. I pushed weakly against Michael, wanting to go to his aid, but had finally reached my limit.

The dark aura around Rowen came to life again.

"Your _lover_ is violent and unstable, my dove," Michael spat derisively. "He needs God's guidance and purification to free him of the evil yoroi's influence."

Despite now six people attempting to restrain him, a powerful swing of one arm sent three tumbling to the ground. His eyes flashed the color of his armor, locking on Michael. His words resonated with something sinister, as if two voices spoke at once. "Get your hands off her."

Deborah paused as she moved over to Michael and me. "Silence him."

It took three people on each arm and two on his back to bring him to his knees. Strata flashed over his form like a phantasm—until they successfully looped their youja-infused silk bonds around his wrists. A pained howl reverberated through the building.

The final length of silk around his neck silenced it.

* * *

 **Summary:** Rowen and Tessa try to make a run for it, but youja energy ends up possessing Rowen's armor; while Tessa tries to get him back under control, the cultist shoots her with Rowen's own arrow, and they both end up captured.


	20. Chapter 20

**Warnings:** self harm discussion, nightmares, cult material, aftermath of assault

* * *

 _Chapter 20_

—A—

They had Rowen.

They had my sister.

It took everything we had to not drive straight there, right this second.

Dais convinced us to grab a hotel. After a conversation that I felt should've been a debate but wasn't, we got a single room for all of us. We poofed out of there, our belongings and car safe.

We landed in the middle of a forest, the feel of youja barely tolerable.

"This is the closest we could safely teleport," Kayura said softly. "It would appear their barrier has a larger footprint in the youjakai compared to the ningenkai, much like the Naruto Strait."

I took a shuddering breath. "They're still calling them. It's normally not this bad, this far out."

A man named Sekhmet said, "As far as we can determine from the youjakai, they are doing a ritual on Tenku."

My own voice sounded detached from my body. "Purification."

Sage's hand clasped my shoulder, and I wasn't sure if the squeeze was to reassure me, or himself.

We reached the outskirts of the compound, barely hidden by the trees that marked the edge of the barrier. Its _heat_ was the largest sign of its activity, rendering the air around it even warmer than Virginia summer.

"We need to wait for that to _cool_ before even trying," I murmured. "It'll shut down anything in minutes."

Sekhmet rolled a shoulder. "How can we be certain that it will not solidify for our entrance?"

"Leave that to me."

I moved a little farther away from the wall of heat, everyone else following. It was safer slightly away from the treeline, slightly more likely to stay hidden should they decide to patrol. Once I felt safe, once I felt they wouldn't jump out to get me, I sat down with my back to the barrier, spine against a tree.

Everyone else settled near me, the Warlords settling a few trees over. The calm I had felt around Dais lessened, slightly, but they were still close enough it was more backup.

Sage beside me, his arm around my shoulders, certainly helped.

"So…" Kento said, tone wavering in uncertainty. "How long do we have to wait?"

I cracked one eye open. "How long has it been?"

Cye shrugged. "Nearly two hours."

"One to four left."

They all paled.

I exhaled, tipping my head back against the tree. "I'm kinda counting on the fact they don't have the energy to do a full eight."

Sage's arm tightened, everyone in my line of sight wide-eyed. I looked away again, hanging my head and pulling my knees to my chest. I knew the words behind those looks. I knew the horror and the fear and the worry for what my mind looked like. This was just the first time I could feel it, the armour link providing some window into their emotional states.

Cye's soft, exceedingly gentle voice broke the silence. "Alexa… I know this is agonizing for you to think about, but can you tell us of any… thing, we should be watchful for, after they return?"

I scrunched my eyes shut, tears threatening. "If I tell you, you'll have to take care of a flashback or ten."

Ryo reached out and put a hand on my knee. "We're here for you. It'll be okay."

I licked my lips, mouth dry. "They seal any power they pour into you. I can break it for others, at least, but it hurts."

Ryo zeroed in on a purpose wrinkle in my words. "What about you?"

I shrugged. "For me, too, once depression shakes off. I'd rather just save my energy."

I neglected to mention that breaking those seals made you feel everything so much more intensely, and with how suicidal I had been since leaving— since they'd saved me— I didn't want to risk it. Depression and energy to act were never a good mix.

Sage ran his hand up and down my spine. "I… recently discovered depression blocked my ability to fully feel my armour. It's understandable you couldn't fight through it."

I nodded. All the times I had nearly attempted suicide _without_ my extra energy. All the times I had held a blade against my skin to cut but not pressed the knife in. The scabs that covered my body from scratching at pimples. The times Dusk had felt completely out of reach, gold in my soul replaced by pitch black tar.

Even what I did find after I cleared their energy was tarnished. Corroded. Impossible to polish.

"Want to talk about it?" Kento asked.

I hesitated, not sure what I should do. If I wanted to expose this. Even though I knew they'd be okay… the tears in my throat pushed me to talk, but those same tears were a rock I didn't feel strong enough to speak over.

"It's okay," Ryo murmured, hand on my hair. "Let it out."

Validation just made me sob sharply, my fingers tangling in Sage's shirt and legs pulling up to my chest. Now I could tease apart the threads of self-hatred and shame, of letting her get taken and not paying attention to the youja around Michael and letting her go talk to him alone when I had told myself and told her he was dangerous and she should never be alone breaking up with him.

Ryo moved to rub my arm. "I told myself I'd never let Rowen go into a rescue mission again. It's okay. These things happen."

"We've all tried to control what we can't," Cye continued. "As much as it hurts, sometimes you can't stop the worst from happening."

Sage stroked my back, tightening his grip around my torso as my trembling moved to my upper body. "Hating yourself does nothing, in the long run. As easy as it is to reach for."

I shuddered. "I have to blame _somebody_ and I can't blame her…"

"What does blame accomplish?" he asked softly.

I had to think about that a moment, every answer feeling like a knife across my mind. I knew they were the wrong answers, mentioning anything about blame meant somebody was responsible for controlling the outcome. I knew that they would come back with how you couldn't control life, that some things just happened. That concept made me want to scream.

I finally found a wording that wouldn't play out my imagined script. "It means somebody could've stopped it."

"You mean that you could have stopped it." At my nod, Sage shook his head. "You would have had to fight Tessa, whose stubbornness rivals yours, or you would have been going against her wishes. Just like the four of us couldn't stop Rowen, you couldn't have stopped her. And even if you had been right beside her, he might have gotten around you— or taken you both. Your presence wouldn't necessarily change the outcome for the better."

"It's alright to hurt," Cye continued. "To hate the situation we're all in, right now. But you can do that without hurting yourself in the process."

I wanted to scream that then the pain would be real, but instead I just cried. Long, loud, and hard. I knew they wouldn't let me get away with that answer. I knew they would find a way to twist that around, saying emotional pain could be just as real. But it didn't _feel_ real. It felt like a made up thing that shouldn't be rendering me unable to move, and something else had to exist for me to justify this state.

Halo gently pressed against Dusk's shields, asking for permission to enter. I gave it weakly, trying not to cling to Sage's spirit.

 _"I still haven't come to terms with the concept, personally,"_ he admitted. _"My emotions ruling me instead of… me ruling them, like I'm supposed to. I doubt I could move from here, myself, for how intensely I feel."_

Now I did cling to him. He clung back, his own trembling and fear coming to the forefront. While it helped on some level to not feel so alone in this, mostly what I felt was jealousy he hadn't reacted to the extreme I had. _"How did you_ start _coming to terms with it?"_

He laughed dryly. _"Them. They… validated every emotional pain I felt, never dismissing it. They reminded me I was allowed to have the emotions I do, no matter how extreme they got. How extreme they still get. Even though I want to self harm right now… very badly, I will admit."_ He took a breath, squeezing me tighter against him, nails digging into my skin through my shirt as proof of that. _"Enough of me realizes that I don't need to be punished, and this was, in a sense, inevitable. I can't change who Rowen is. I fell in love with this trait now causing me pain. But loving him for trying to help others despite the risk doesn't negate the fact I wish he were here."_

I wrapped my arms around him, my full-on convulsing calming down until it was shivers. _"I wish she was here…"_

 _"I know."_ He tucked me against him, his breath on my hair. _"You're allowed to want her here, and allowed to hurt because she's not."_

My fingers threaded in his hair, his words hitting the nerve of dissociation and breaking it. _"I just got her and now she's gone."_

 _"She'll come back. We'll get her back."_

I swallowed, realizing what I was forcing him to ignore. _"And we'll get him back, too."_

The smile in his voice warmed me. _"If you ever beat down on yourself for not being good enough— and I understand you might, for how_ I _can feel that— I will remind you that in the midst of worrying about your sister, in the midst of your own rawness, you took the time to acknowledge my pain."_

I gave a watery chuckle. _"I'm a terrible person for plenty of other reasons."_

 _"Aren't we all?"_

His honest question gave me pause, enough I just shifted to press into him and turn my head away in the process. I didn't feel like I had the ability to register any of the implications in those simple words, right now.

 _"You don't have to answer right this minute."_ Sage pulled me closer against him, other arm going around my torso. "None of us think less of you."

That turned the waterworks back on, my whole body lead as poison drained out. I could've sworn I felt some moisture in my hair from Sage's tears, but I didn't feel like leaving my position against his chest to find out.

I didn't know when I stopped, but I knew it was late enough that the sun had completely set and armour orbs provided the only light in the space. The trees stopped the compound light from reaching us— something I was thankful for, at least.

"We should try to rest," Cye said. "If we have any hope of breaking them out tonight…"

All of us nodded at that. I checked my phone— noting a time of eleven PM— and decided it was too early to take my meds. Instead I curled up into Sage's side, mind racing and not planning on _sleeping_ , but I knew rest helped. I hoped rest would help. I'd be breaking the seal on Rowen's armour, maybe even Tessa's. Maybe I'd have to tap into my own.

Two, maybe three seals rested under the darkness of my emotions. I didn't know if breaking them would give me more energy to fight, or give me more energy to want to kill myself. I wouldn't, not while the guys were here, not when I had people to save, but I was already exhausted from fighting my demons the whole car ride up. I didn't want to open up that book of shadows, not when I was able to convince myself I was safe in Sage's arms.

Over time— perhaps ten minutes, perhaps an hour, I was refusing to keep track of time— his breathing slowed with sleep. I followed along, my arm tightening around his chest in a momentary comfort squeeze. He had done so much for me, for Tessa, and here he was still comforting me while he had lost his brother as much as I had lost my sister.

His breathing hitched.

Arm tightened.

A small cry escaped his lips and everyone rocketed to alert.

His chest knocked into me as he pushed himself _up_ , legs ready to run at a moment's notice. A pause was all it took before he sank back down with laboured breathing, free hand going to rub his face. I stayed sitting up, not quite sure if touch would be welcome. I rubbed my side gently, trying to get rid of feeling knocked about.

"You okay?"

I was the only one to ask that, Ryo already going to Sage's other side and placing a hand on his shoulder. Sage took a few more heavy breaths before nodding. "Just a nightmare."

"Think you can get back to sleep?" Cye asked, slowly easing back to slouch against a tree.

Sage's face pulled in an attempt of a smile. "Worth a try."

His voice sounded… smaller. Shaky, almost. He normally sounded so confident, even if his voice was quiet and hesitant from vulnerability. This was different. This was reedy, breathy, collapsed.

I thought only my voice did that, when I'd just had an intrusion.

"C'mere," Kento said, shifting.

Sage began to stand, his hand finding mine as he pulled away. "You can stay beside me, if you want. It… helps, to have somebody near. I…" He swallowed, eyes cast down, voice even smaller. "I do warn you, I can punch in my sleep."

I gave what I hoped was a comforting smile. "I'm pretty tough. If it hurts you can… heal it, right?"

He nodded, some tension draining from his shoulders. "As long as you are willing to let me."

We ended up in the middle of all the guys piled together, in what they described as a 'dogpile.' It was what they'd used to comfort each other, after the War. Regardless, I made sure I ended up curled against him again, more careful to hold his chest. To try and be there. Almost unconsciously, my eyes drifted to the Warlords barely visible in their armours' lights. Sage had mentioned Cale nearly killed him. And now, his near-killer was all of thirty feet away. While Rowen was captured— again, apparently.

Ryo had his back pressed to me. He'd mentioned Rowen's capture was the second time he'd been alone, facing against Arago. How not enough people on his side had lead to tragedy, and how he couldn't stop himself from remembering it.

Somehow, hearing their stories just made me lonelier. They had proper war PTSD, proper triggers, actual causes and effects that ended in very real near or actual deaths. Meanwhile, I just had a mind that wouldn't shut up even though the possibility had never come close to happening.

I was more sensitive to Sage's nightmares, this time. The tension creeping into his chest I tried to smooth away. The other armours were sentinels, brightening the space around Halo. His ribs shrank despite our efforts, collapsing with every exhale. His fingers digging into my arm and moving as if to rip me away.

He cried out louder, this time, rocketing up hard enough _I_ gasped.

He picked up on my breathing immediately, hands going to my arms. "Are you hurt?"

I coughed one last breath out, getting my bearings back. "Yeah. M'fine." I glanced up at him. _"And next time_ you're _beating yourself up over being a terrible person,_ I'm _going to remind_ you _that_ your _first thought after a nightmare was about me."_

He laughed softly. _"Very well."_

"Think you need your meds, Sage?"

He nodded. "As much as I don't want to, so I can be _awake_ …"

Kento glanced over at the Warlords' camp. "This place can't be helping."

Sage's whole body shuddered, eyes cast down and hair curtaining his face. "No. It's not."

Ryo shook his head. "Wish they didn't mingle so _easily_ with the rest of us…"

 _I_ wished they weren't speaking so loud the Warlords could hear, but I was paranoid about retribution from speaking ill about anyone. I stayed quiet.

Cye smoothed a hand over Sage's hair. "We should go back to the hotel, and rest."

"I'm staying." The words were out almost before I could stop them. I swallowed at the disbelieving and worried glances cast in my direction. "You guys said it yourself. You'll be useless here until the barrier goes down. It's going to take me hours _to_ bring it down, and we can't even go in yet. You should all rest, and there'll be a warning before we move. It probably won't be till dawn, anyway…"

Sage's hand found my arm again, gripping it with such force my breath caught. "Stay safe."

Ryo joined in not long after. "We need you to get out, too."

I nodded quickly. "Don't have any intention of getting caught." I swallowed, tipping my head towards the other camp. "'Sides. I have them…"

They didn't look particularly reassured by that prospect.

I put my hand on Sage's wrist, gently pressing to have him at least lighten his grip. "I'll be okay."

His grip loosened, but his gaze hadn't lost any intensity. "I will be waiting for you as much as I will be waiting for Rowen and Tessa."

"We all will be," Cye said.

Nods from the other two brought a lump to my throat. It was only Sekhmet and Dais walking up that broke the concentrated focus and care on me.

"Do you wish to return?"

Hesitant nods followed. They all stood, me trying to extract myself from the group and make my way to the other camp. Ryo caught my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug, leading to a string of four hugs the Warlords were sure not to interrupt as they played out. When they were finally convinced I'd be safe, they let me go and cross the short distance between camps by armour light.

I only sensed them leave when I sat down between Cale and Kayura.

A few moments later, Dais and Sekhmet returned with a familiar orange container and a bottle of water. "They said you would need these."

I sighed. "I should take them… but it's a sleeping pill."

Dais sat down. "What else does it do?"

I shrugged. "Stops my muscles from locking up. Anti-nausea. Just generally relaxes me."

"That will be of use," Cale said. "And as you told them, we all need our strength."

I stuffed down the voices in my head telling me how bad an idea it was to take my pill and swallowed it down.

Sekhmet left to return the pill bottle to the room. I kept the water, sipping it intermittently. I glanced between the Warlords and Kayura, noting Cale's slightly hunched forward shoulders. Kayura's quiet rigidity. Dais' calculations, his spine too straight. Even Sekhmet looked out of place when he returned, shifting uncomfortably within moments of sitting down.

"Must be hard, to be around them," I murmured. "Especially… I'm sorry, for that conversation."

Cale chuckled. "It's to be expected."

I swallowed. "I… know, it was you, Cale."

That made him inhale. "I nearly killed him. My former self would be proud."

I smirked, darkly. "Honestly, I'd be proud of myself regardless."

Four very shocked armour signatures homed in on me.

I shrugged. "He's very skilled. Nearly defeating him is a testament to your talent."

Dais smiled. "All four of us have nearly killed them. Kongo would describe me as his antagonist."

"Tenku was mine," Kayura said, almost laughing. "He… has always been determined, to save his friends. He faced _me_ alone to try." After a pause, she gestured to the three around her. "I could defeat all of them in one blow and Tenku knew it."

Sekhmet waved a hand. "I developed a fixation for Suiko, after nearly defeating Rekka. Or, I suppose, Suiko developed a fixation for me. He was the only one who was immune to my venom, thanks to his yoroi. The number of times he drew me away from them, for their safety, despite the danger to himself…"

"Kourin was determined to protect Mia and Yuli from me." Cale cast his eyes down. "Had it not been for Kaos, he would have failed."

I swallowed, knees going up to my chest. "I haven't heard anything, about the War. It… it never came up."

I didn't want to admit I hadn't been able to handle it. I hadn't wanted to hear it. But after all the fear they had expressed, for my safety, maybe I was starting to want to know what had made them so scared. The snippets of no-context battles gave me some inkling, but all it did was raise more questions than answers.

"Do you wish to hear about it now?"

I shook my head at Dais' question. "I want to talk just not about that."

He tried a different tactic. "What have they told you, about your yoroi?"

I had to think about that. "That it split for twins to keep itself safe from the cult, mostly…" I shrugged. "I kinda. Learned from the minute my mom showed it to me that this was power that could save the world from evil, and one day I would save the world from evil, and I just had to wield it properly to reach my full potential." A dry laugh punctuated the air. "I didn't want to know much, really. I already felt enough like a manipulated superweapon for the forces of evil, like a few cartoons I'd watched…"

It was hard not to babble on about Ace from Justice League, or Superboy from Young Justice, or even Raven from Teen Titans. They'd been my shields growing up, and I'd learned everything I could about them. But the people around me wouldn't have any point of reference.

It was only after I'd forced down my special interests babbling that I realized nobody else had spoken. When I looked around, I noticed they were all stunned silent.

Before I could melt into the floor, Kayura gave a single, dry laugh. "Replace 'good' with 'evil' and you have our histories. We had been under the impression— the hope, I suppose— that nobody else among Bearers would share in this experience, of serving such a master."

I shivered. "I thought I was alone…"

The concept of being able to commiserate with others, to have people understand what it had been like, was overwhelming. I didn't want to talk about the lectures and the exorcisms and the demands to be more.

"Fortunately or unfortunately, you are not," Cale said, leaning forward. "If you ever wish to speak about it, we can listen. Perhaps help, based on our experience."

I swallowed, knowing avoiding this question would be worse than asking it. "Do you know a 'Badamon'?"

A small gasp met my words. Sekhmet was the first to lean forward again. " _He_ was behind it?"

I was halfway through a nod before pausing. "Sort… of… He was the one who spoke through our leader, acting as a go-between for somebody too powerful for earth. The 'god behind the curtain' was known as Talpa."

I did not like the scared silence that followed. Thankfully, they shook it off in a few moments, even though something still haunted them.

"We've never heard of Talpa," Kayura said cautiously. "Although we can think of a few possibilities, one of which is—"

"I don't want to think of who he might be."

I just wanted my sister back. I just wanted a _distraction_ , not some philosophical conversation. Not rooting out memories of what she could be going through.

Kayura exhaled. "Talpa and Arago very well might be different beings. Badamon was very secretive, not even telling us about Inferno until the War."

Sekhmet crossed his arms. "He barely told us anything, even then. Bastard neglected to mention _our_ yoroi could be used, as well…"

That brought the smallest smile to Kayura's lips. "Regardless of who was behind it, it would appear the Dynasty split its youja controlling techniques; some used by Arago in the War and on us— and some used by Badamon and Talpa in your cult."

My breath shuddered. "Is it weird that makes me feel… better?"

Sekhmet frowned. "My first answer is yes, but I suppose you have your reasons."

I laughed. "It means we can all pool our experience and use what we learned before."

Dais, to my surprise, actually had what could be described as the ghost of a smile. "Tessa mentioned you write about spies for enjoyment. I see you have learned the value of intelligence."

That broke some tension in my shoulders. Finally a genuine distraction. "I mean. I managed to get out without my mom knowing, and she didn't find me for at least a few months. That's with her invasion of privacy and with her generally able to sense where I am. It's not just writing. As underhanded and amoral as it made me feel, it got the job done." I glanced at Cale. "S'why I said I'd still be proud of myself, for nearly killing somebody. I try to detach morality from actions, and just focus on the skills. OCD makes that nearly impossible, but I try."

Cale tipped his head down. "I take it that is why you trust us to protect you."

I nodded. "I'm also a pretty forgiving person. Probably too forgiving. The only person I can't forgive is my mom."

"Forgiveness has its place, even in harsh worlds of espionage. You must be willing to forgive that which does not put you in danger, to avoid being in their memory from anger. To do what it takes to pull more information from them," Dais said, not unkindly. "I believe Natsu chose me because I would need illusions, as a spy."

I tilted my head. "You were a spy?"

He nodded. "A spy master, and a protege at that. I was not satisfied with mortal affairs, however— the bloodlust of my yoroi demanded more. I was an easy target, for Arago."

"All of us _mashou_ were," Sekhmet added. "We made the choice to work for him, desiring power over compassion."

I snorted. "If you're trying to prove to me why I shouldn't trust you, you picked the wrong person for that."

Kayura chuckled. "Did we, now?"

I nodded. "You picked the easiest way to get security. I'm a control freak and I evaluated every possibility to try and get where I wanted— I want fame and power like you did. I chose power for awhile, because I was incredibly talented and with the cult talking about what I _could_ do with Dusk, I didn't care about being liked, I didn't care about being kind. I wanted to prove to the world I was good enough to deserve awards, to deserve to rule people, since I was lined up to rule people and I was. Overcompensating, I guess. It was only in my… mid teens? Later than I'd like. That I even stepped back to wonder if all this power was a good thing. I started being kind then, and only then. I met Tessa online shortly after. Once I had _her_ I really… started actively resisting the cult." I rested my chin on my knees. "I really wouldn't have left without her, and every bit of resistance I had against them was because of her. I tried to protect her and…"

Cale placed a hesitant hand on my shoulder. "You will protect her by saving her."

Sekhmet exhaled. "For us, it took one of our own defecting to even consider that Arago was abusing us. When he stood with the Ronin, more powerful and more at peace than we had ever been, we began to see our torture could end. It still took his death for us to vow to never return."

Kayura had gone small, knees to her chest in a mirror of my pose. "He died protecting me."

Dais put a hand on her shoulder. "We do speak to him, occasionally. His soul is still in the youjakai, almost physical. He… has helped us."

I swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

Sekhmet's lip pulled in an attempted smirk. "First he re-introduced us to our emotions, and the first one we experienced was grief. I suppose we deserve that, for how much grief we had strewn in our careers as _mashou_."

I shrugged. "I felt grief for… I haven't _stopped_ since realizing the cult was evil, and I haven't killed anyone or had anyone die for me. It would've happened anyway." A question burned in my mind. "How… long?"

"Four hundred years."

My breath caught. "So you're… immortal?"

"Effectively," Dais said. "Time moves much slower in the youjakai. We have aged, but far less."

Sekhmet chuckled darkly. "We began the War physically older than the Ronin by years. They have surpassed us, now, even after we have spent some time in the ningenkai."

I paused and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Is it terrible my main thought is asking you to proofread my story so I know it's on the right track because it's set in about that time period and my characters are teenagers?"

Dais also paused, and for the first time, there was the beginnings of genuine amusement in his words. "It would be a distraction, from our day to day lives."

The air felt lighter, after speaking to them. A rough edge of aloneness I hadn't even realized was there smoothed down, now that I had somebody who… knew. We had all done terrible things. We were all trying to be better.

The air felt lighter for another reason. I stood up and went to the barrier, the surface now cool. Still too warm, but cool enough that I knew it was no longer actively containing youja.

I glanced over my shoulder, the four of them at my back.

All it took was a nod and I lifted my hand to the curtain, whispering under my breath to call up my own youja. The barrier parted like water, allowing us to slip in and nobody inside the wiser. As they walked through, I ensured they were covered in a protective coating that let them not sense the fire around, but wouldn't let the fire sense them.

Dais once again took control of our plan, like he had the whole car ride down. _"Tenku first, or Akatsuki?"_

That was a sadistic choice if there ever was one. I wanted to get my sister. I wanted to get her safe first and foremost. Sage's nightmares flashed behind my mind's eye. The fact Rowen was an accessory, not a target followed suit.

 _"Rowen."_

Sekhmet grumbled. _"It's impossible to sense anything in here."_

I grimaced. _"Add in how he's probably sealed…"_

I could most certainly see how the glint in Kayura's eyes could be unsettling. _"Perhaps the shakujo could aid us…"_

That sounded like a good idea. Except, _"They can sense everything in here, and the only reason no alarms have been sounded is I know how to hide signatures."_

Cale's glint was darker, just as potentially menacing. _"How do you feel about large dogs?"_

 _"You mean mini horses?"_ I quipped back. _"Fine with them."_

He called for a halt, his armour pulling away from the connection temporarily. I followed as it reached through the barriers between worlds, tapping the shoulders of four large black shadows.

Within moments, those shadows had crossed over to our world and were running to meet us.

I turned to see four pairs of glowing eyes peering out of night-black fur. Almost automatically I knelt to let them sniff my scent, them curious at a newcomer. They could easily sniff my face, the tallest one's nose able to reach over top of my head.

Cale called them to heel. _"Where would his scent be?"_

I thought about that for a moment too long. Dais spoke over me. _"We should ask the Ronin for an article of his clothing."_

Sekhmet nodded and left the group, returning with two— one for Tessa, one for Rowen. Two dogs sniffed each eagerly but quietly, looking up to Cale once they had it.

 _"Find."_

That simple word had them fanning out, disappearing into the night. We followed towards the main compound and the torn-down fence, Sekhmet burning a hole through the metal with chilling efficiency. The construction zone beyond it looked like a bomb had exploded, dirt and dust and twisted metal everywhere. The remains of a backhoe were vaguely visible, in the form of an arm fallen on its side and tank-like tires. But otherwise, the cabin was destroyed.

For once I was thankful the cult didn't believe in alarm systems, trusting god to protect them from intruders. They plain old didn't have a backup plan for one of their highest ranking members returning and knowing how to bypass it all.

All nine of us slipped through, working our way around the building until we reached an unmanned exit. Opening the door a crack revealed nothing, but that _meant_ nothing.

 _"Check."_

One dog from each scent group went out, returning in a few moments with tails faintly wagging.

We filed in.

The building was half school, half commune. The lockers had been partially torn out, walls painted with sayings I could still say in my sleep. The tiles on the floor revealed this to be the brotherhood wing. There was some chanting in curtained-off classrooms, but they would be too occupied to notice us.

 _"Three missions. Central room, Tessa, Rowen."_

Dais crept ahead. _"Would they have taken Tessa or Rowen to the central room?"_

I licked my lips, wishing I had taken a sip of water before we'd started this. _"Likely but not guaranteed."_

 _"Good enough. We'll start there."_

We kept methodically working our way deeper, moving into the healers' wing and quickly moving out at the sheer amount of activity inside it. We were close. Youja were _thick_ , making it difficult to breathe.

We sent the dogs ahead for the final stretch. The courtyard was in sight, windows flooding the hall with moonlight. They returned immediately with tails low.

 _"They're doing something in the courtyard."_

My teeth went on edge. I sat down against the wall, carefully pulling up Dusk's power and using what energy I still possessed to get a handle on this. Armour and youja mixed, me slowly but surely becoming aware of every movement in the compound. A handful of disciples were in the space, sluggish in action but alert. Small breaths of flame followed them, but not enough to impact the barrier or do much more than provide some extra energy.

 _"No need to keep sending the dogs."_

It took them a moment to understand, Kayura working beside me and learning how I was manipulating energy within the youja, instead of against it. I didn't dare begin my work on the central flame yet, wanting a safer hiding place than the twist of a possibly active hallway.

Finally they left. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Rounding the corner locked my breath up again.

This had become a wedding venue.

I slammed down everything I knew about twin flames and focused. The dogs sniffed the area, trying to pick up on half-covered scents near the central brazier. Both pairs flagged a scent, and Cale looked at me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to face the choice we had to make.

 _"We have to stick together,"_ I said through grit teeth. _"Rowen first."_

Cale nodded. _"I'll send the dogs ahead, so they can find your sister."_

I exhaled. _"Thank you."_

Two of them went in one direction. The other two began following, but quickly changed directions once they caught a fresher scent. We followed, ears on alert. The only sounds were our breaths and the soft click of dog nails on tile.

Armoured, clanking feet nearly had me scream.

Dais slipped a hand over my mouth, pulling me against him and dragging us both towards the wall. White surrounded the dogs ahead, sitting still.

The Guardian paused at our crossroads, looking one way, then the other.

Right at us.

And kept walking.

 _"Apologies. It is much easier to change shape, instead of sound."_

The white flashed again, and the dogs continued.

It took me a minute for my heart to stop hammering. _"N-no problem."_

He kept a hand on my back as we walked along, drawing off the extra tension. _"If they can sense yoroi powers, I would rather they have as little opportunity as possible."_

I nodded. _"Just. Surprised me. And I nearly had a panic attack."_

He shifted with what I could best describe as unease. _"Natsu can also soothe troubled minds."_

It was hard for my mental pause to not translate into a physical pause. _"That… explains a lot."_

We didn't have time to continue that line of thought before the dogs sat beside a closed door. The curtains covering the glass in what looked to be an old office were drawn, but this was obviously Rowen's cell. If the dogs hadn't been enough of a clue, I was struggling to breathe from the secondary barrier.

A little lockpicking from Kayura and too much youja control later, we could get in the room. He lay on a cot, unconscious, with a ribbon around his neck and binding both wrists. Scratches and bruises covered his body, his hand caked in dried blood, and Strata a flicker even at such close proximity. His face was contorted in his apparently forced slumber, breathing shallow and uneven. Youja swirled thick _through_ him, encased in still-warm glass.

He had been sealed.

My breath caught in my throat. _"So much for a recon mission… we have to get him out of here."_

 _"We can't let them know he has been freed,"_ Sekhmet said, voice cool but strained. _"The last thing we need is for them to raise the alarm."_

Everyone glanced at Dais. He inclined his head, reaching down to touch Rowen's temple. His form rippled, shapeshifting to be a perfect copy up to the silk.

Kayura looked between the two. _"Are we certain they won't notice the different signatures?"_

I cracked my neck. _"Not in a few moments they won't."_

It disturbed me how easily youja came to my call. It had been getting easier and easier the longer I was in here, and this was the easiest yet despite being the hardest spell. Instead of sealing Dais' armour I sealed them around him, effectively muddying any trace of who it was under the youja. That, of all the things I had done, made Kayura and the Warlords quiet the most. All I could think of was what I could have done if Rowen had just waited.

Sekhmet hefted Rowen in a fireman's carry, Dais ushering us out. _"I shall lock the door behind you."_

 _"Don't forget the binds to properly fool them, Ronin,"_ Sekhmet replied. His armour made it clear enough what he really meant with those words.

Now we had to get out of here, without his illusions. Cale had a sense not to worry, blackness oozing out of his armour. If we couldn't be invisible, at least it would be difficult for us to be seen.

Shadows followed us as we moved. My heart hammered in my chest at every possible sound, but they hadn't quite changed shifts yet. I knew my mother woke up at three in the morning to decree, I knew they would have people praying till five, and I knew the clock read one thirty. Hopefully that clock was correct.

The dogs scouted for us. The dogs stopped us from being seen too many times for me to count. I wanted to shake and cry and generally _panic_ , but I didn't have time. Even with our slow trek to the fence, Rowen still hadn't shown any signs of stirring. Kayura cut a slightly bigger hole in the fence with Sekhmet's katana, allowing him to pass through without letting go of his charge.

He didn't put Rowen down until we were outside of the barrier, back at where we had camped. As soon as he was down, Sekhmet and Kayura cut the bonds, revealing fresh burns on his skin.

Sage was going to hit the roof.

Before my mind could go off on how I had never seen Sage angry and just might at this, obsession much more intense now that Dais wasn't here, Sekhmet put a hand on my shoulder. "Wait a moment."

He poofed out. I was physically incapable of waiting.

I placed my hand on Rowen's chest and pushed Dusk's powers into youja, hellbent on finding the seal.

It was hard not to audibly swear at _three._

Kayura put her hand on mine. _"Teach me what to do."_

His throat was the weakest, so I started there. I had to isolate the binding in its entirety, feeling the edges of it surround his vocal cords and prevent them from vibrating. I wanted to obsess over that feeling, obsess over how I remembered what those seals felt like, but I couldn't. Not yet.

Dusk found an edge and spiderwebbed out, his neck glowing gold before it shattered.

Now, Rowen cried out.

Kayura gripped my wrist to pull my hand away. _"Save your strength. I'll do the others."_

Sekhmet returned with a leather pack, kneeling beside me and pulling out a jar. _"While this is not Kourin, it will help."_

I watched as he applied salve to Rowen's wrists, the burns immediately losing the worst of their red. He applied the same to his throat as Rowen's chest glowed, the seal on his heart shattering next.

His subarmour flowed out when the seal on his armour broke, settling over his body and easing away the twist to his lips from pain. His breathing evened out, as well, no longer in stasis and actually slipping into resting.

Sekhmet pulled out a vial of clear liquid. _"This will revive him, if you believe he should be woken immediately."_

I let Dusk go over him again, checking for any shards of youja. Only Kayura's and Strata's power glowed within him, allowing my own chest to expand from relief. _"Wake him up."_

While Sekhmet didn't have the practiced ease of Cye, he still had a gentle touch as he forced Rowen to drink. At only two, maybe three mouthfuls, Rowen sputtered and coughed, rolling onto his side _away_ from that.

"What the _hell_ …!" Before I could reply, he'd lifted his head to glance around. "Tessa—!"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll get her. Don't worry. You need to get to Sage."

Rowen's voice was raw, Strata bare in its emotional strength. He scrambled to his feet as he spoke. "No! No, you don't understand—she's been shot, and if she's still alive they're forcing her to marry Michael!"

My stomach dropped out at his words. I tried to remember their abilities, tried to rationalize what I knew— as much as I hated the thought of the positive. "There's activity in the healer's wing. That'll… that'll save her until…"

"We have to go _now_!"

Youja were still inside him, strengthening his emotions and, in particular, his anger. I couldn't do anything about it, not if I wanted to have any energy to save the person both of us were desperate to.

I put my hand on his chest, stopping him from running back in."We can't do _anything_ now. She was still in the healer's wing as of half an hour ago. The youja were so thick I couldn't get close without risking everything. I hate this just as much as you do."

He stormed over that for a couple of seconds before abruptly turning and punching a tree. His yell ripped through the forest and I tried not to crumple on the ground he had sounded the alarm and exposed our hiding spot.

Before I could, though, his body shuddered, other arm bracing against the tree.

Kayura spoke where I couldn't. "We will keep an eye on her, Tenku. If she is in immediate danger we will find a way to retrieve her. We require time to give ourselves the cleanest escape, without risking Kure or ourselves."

I took a breath, trying to get my words back. Trying to reassure myself. "I'll get her out, Rowen. Promise. I just… need you to get to Sage, cause you're hurt, too."

Cale put his hand on my lower back, to steady me. It took a few moments for Rowen to process my words, lifting a hand to his neck and letting his subarmour fade to inspect the damage on the rest of his body. He paled at his still-bloody hand, forcing himself to look away and see the treated burns on his wrists.

"Sekhmet put some salve on your burns to heal them, but…"

I couldn't keep talking. I couldn't keep standing here doing nothing. Sekhmet put his hand on my shoulder, both warlords flanking me in a show of support.

Rowen glanced at us and hung his head. "I'm so sorry, Alexa. I tried…"

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his torso. "I know." I squeezed him as he returned my grip tightly, letting him— letting both of us— soak up some comfort before my anxiety got the best of me. "Sage needs you more than I do right now."

He nodded and inhaled, letting me go a moment later. "Take care of yourself in there."

I jerked my head towards the Warlords. "They've been keeping me safe. Cale's dogs are scouting."

He studied them for a few moments, before bowing in thanks. "Let's go."

Sekhmet stepped forward and poofed him away, leaving a void I just wanted to collapse into.

She'd been shot. And healed. And might have the exact same scars I did.

Cale put a hand on my shoulder.

I steadied my resolve. "I swear to every god above, if they kill her…"

I grit my teeth and went back inside.


	21. Chapter 21

**Warnings:** parental abuse, cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 21_

—T—

I awoke to a dim room, heavy blankets, and throbbing in my ribcage that matched the horrendous headache splitting my skull. As I laid there, allowing my eyes to adjust, I could make out the shape of a nightstand and curtains along the wall immediately in front of me. Judging by the lack of backlight to the fabric, night had probably fallen. (That, or it was just decoration for an outside wall.)

So I had been shot at least a couple hours ago, if not longer.

I had sometimes wondered what it must feel like to be shot. I had never really thought I would ever find out.

Memories of the so-called "healing" they had put me through—what little I _could_ recall of it—just made me shudder with revulsion.

I decided to investigate my cell instead.

Pushing myself upright was potentially a mistake. As cliche as it sounded, my body felt like it had been hit by a freight train. The overwhelming vertigo required a series of very deep breaths and a good minute's wait to pass. Of course, that only created a catch-twenty-two: For each breath I drew in, the throbbing turned into a knife twisting between my expanding ribs.

When I could finally think straight again, a cursory survey of the room—faintly lit thanks to the cracks around the door filtering light from the hall—showed a lamp sitting on the nightstand. Flicking that on revealed the rest of my prison. It seemed to be a standard classroom converted into a decent bedroom, at least. The walls had been drywalled and painted a pale shade of rose, and there was a vanity with mirror; a dresser; a throw rug on the tile floor; what was ostensibly a standard closet—

My wound was momentarily forgotten at the sight of a white dress hanging in the open closet.

Right. The wedding.

They couldn't have me dying before I married Michael.

Thoughts about death led to memories of what had happened and reminded me—they had caught Rowen, too, now. In the midst of wondering what they had done with him, the fact that they had bothered to imprison rather than outright kill him only made me feel marginally better.

But there was nothing I could do about it, just then. My promise to him floated through my mind, renewing my resolve.

First things first: Inspect the cult's handiwork. Dawn had powered down sometime in my sleep, allowing me to lift my shirt and reveal an ugly rope of scar tissue plugging the narrow hole carved into my side. Spirit energy still lingered under the skin, giving it a faint green tinge. I made a face and poked it with one finger, wrinkling my nose further when it squished more than it should have. The ache in my side twinged like a day-old bruise.

 _'Hopefully Sage can do something with that…'_ I thought—none too hopefully.

A knock at the door startled me; other than the low hum of chants that constantly pervaded the compound, things had been silent.

My mother, of course, walked in without waiting for an answer. I still couldn't get over how underwhelming meeting her had been. She was a short, stocky woman in a polo and khaki shorts. Salt-and-pepper hair betrayed age that didn't quite jive with the lines of her face—or lack thereof. If one had passed her on the street, they may have assumed her to be the eccentric spinster-ish aunt that tried to be cool and relevant with the hip kids. The only clue of anything Off was a bejeweled sword strapped to her hip.

I caught a brief glimpse of yet another barrier across the threshold of my room before she closed the door.

"I'm so glad you're awake!" she chirped.

"Me, too," I muttered halfheartedly, watching as she came around the bed to set a tray of food on my nightstand. My stomach growled at seeing some kind of Raisin Bran with an apple on the side, but anything that looked remotely like a peace offering was suspicious to me.

The woman moved the chair from the vanity over to my bedside and sat. With a heavy sigh, she twittered on, "I just can't believe what that man did to you. You collapsed within minutes after his purification began! I was so glad to be able to cut the ties and free you."

I bit back a horrified gasp. All I could remember from before I passed out (more likely from blood loss than any supernatural sway, as she claimed) and briefly regained consciousness during the healing was Rowen's pained scream. But if they had put him through what Deborah had tried with me…

"What did you do to him?"

Her tone was so casual as to be totally bland. "We finally succeeded in sealing that demon of a yoroi away. He'll be free of it, now. _And_ free of his perverted attractions!"

I was getting eerily accustomed to every other internal reaction of mine being a horrified "no". Trying to keep my composure, I dug for more information. "W-Where is he now?"

She clearly interpreted my concern as fear. "He's resting safely! Don't worry about him. You don't need to hold onto these ego attachments—focus on divine love, my dear!"

Nearly gagging at that, I instead ignored her garbage theology and eyed the food. If the guys and Alexa were near, like Rowen had said, I'd need my strength…especially while recovering. Reaching out to pick up the cereal bowl, I inquired, "So…what time is it? You didn't exactly give me a clock in here."

"Time to get ready!" she said, clapping her hands together. "I thought I would get you food early in case you ate as slowly as Alexa."

That merited a glare, not only for the disrespectful comment. _'Alexa_ did _tell her I go to a military school, right? Where we had ten minutes to eat?'_

I almost choked on my first spoonful of food at another thought. _'Wait… Ready for_ what _?'_

I voiced as much.

She blinked, as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world and I was a fool for asking. "Your wedding, of course!"

My blood froze cold. "W-What?"

And here I thought I'd have at least _one_ day to figure something out!

She continued as if I hadn't just had my worst nightmare confirmed. "We wanted to give you plenty of time to plan the wedding and we can have a larger celebration later, of course, but after Michael told me how much those men had corrupted you we couldn't let you stay unprotected for much longer. Especially after the lengths they went to!"

Utterly appalled by her accusations, I blurted, " _They_ haven't corrupted me! The only corruption around here is _you_ people!"

I was actually shocked when she merely tisked at me. "That is your ego talking! You have to learn not to say all your human thoughts. Remember, only the divine is real!"

 _'…Ohmygod she's serious. And crazy.'_ Swallowing the desire to call up Dawn—I still hadn't had a chance to figure out how, anyway—I asked, "…So, how long do I have?"

I let her assume I meant "to get ready"; meanwhile, I prayed for an evening wedding to give me as much time to find Rowen and escape as I could. Sadly, that was too much to hope for.

"We'll start the ceremony at dawn." Deborah was so brightly chipper, it was unnerving. "I was hoping we could pray, before!"

Revolted by the mere thought, I lied. Partially so. But also straight through my teeth. "I…do my own praying. Alone, usually."

Though a little crestfallen, she persisted. "I can show you the prayer book—it used to be Alexa's. She marked all her favourites."

"No thanks, I'm good," I reassured her hastily. The _last_ thing I needed was to let her get off on a tangent I had absolutely negative one hundred percent interest in hearing. At the first hint of poor reception to that, I floundered to recover. "There'll be plenty of time, uh, later. After the ceremony, that is."

My nervous smile seemed to be convincing enough, at least. Mollified, Deborah offered, "Do you want any makeup? Or help with your hair?"

"I think I'll manage." Again realizing how antagonistic that might sound, I tacked on, "…Thanks."

This woman was more persistent than Velcro on fleece. "Is there anything you want to change about the dress? I tried to find something in your style."

I took a moment to actually study the damn thing. I couldn't tell a lot from how it hung in the clear garment bag, but the first impression I had of it was "not _enough_ ". It seemed to be a very understated piece. That didn't even really matter, though; the fact I hadn't picked it, as well as what it represented, was reason enough to loathe it.

But I couldn't tell _her_ that.

"…Nope. How'd you guess my taste so well?"

"God's direction!"

I internally rolled my eyes.

She rose, daring to lay a hand on my shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything. There are disciples right outside the door!"

Of course there were.

Once Deborah left, I downed the cereal in record time. While I munched away on the apple, I did a hurried recon of my room. On the floor of the closet looked to be art supplies of varying types, sewing materials, and a bin of stuffed animals. The only clothes besides my dress and a pair of strappy, gold, low heels were a couple button-downs, matching skirts, and plain shoes; in the boxes on the top shelf were hair supplies and some bridal accessories.

I snorted. I'd probably be the most dressed down bride in the history of brides.

I deposited all the boxes on the bed and moved to the nightstand and vanity. Both turned up no more than some stationery materials and brand new make-up, unfortunately.

That was of course ignoring the jewelry box that had been set atop the vanity, containing the matching necklace to the diamond ring which was no doubt currently with Michael. After cooling off halfway through the drive up, my ex had shown the pair to me and explained that his aim in coming to our gathering had been to propose. The thought still made me want to throw up a little in my mouth, and I avoided the box like the plague. I could _feel_ the spells radiating off the thing from across the room, despite the faint _youja_ fire dulling Dawn's senses.

Now, drumming my fingers against my lips, I contemplated my assembled tools. After a good five minutes sifting through it all and parsing every scrap of my scant MacGuyvering knowledge, however, the only conclusion I reached was that maybe I could start a fire and smoke the building out. Provided I didn't die of smoke inhalation, burns, or some deadly toxin first.

Sighing, I hefted the curling iron in one hand. _"Could just bash them over the head and make a break for it.'_

But then I still had the barrier over my doorway to contend with. And since they could walk through it no problem, there was no real incentive for them to bring it down. Not to mention Rowen was still trapped somewhere in the sprawling complex.

Speaking of barriers—something in the youja energy rippled, like a water strider skittering across a pond's surface. Startled, I glanced around for any indication of what may have caused it. The feeling came back, stronger than before, but quickly dwindled.

After a long drawn-out silence where it did not repeat, I turned back to my work. I frowned thoughfully. _'Maybe I should just...see about getting Dawn to come up.'_

By the time someone knocked on my door again, I was ready for a wedding—and maybe a fight.

I did have to admit, though, that I at least liked the dress a little better once I had it properly on. A loose but full-bodied skirt flared from an A-line bodice lightly dusted with rhinestones, all tied together by off-the-shoulder sleeves. I still wouldn't have chosen it for myself; I felt _old_ in it.

A quick peek through the curtains showed the sky had flushed fully pink with sunrise, now.

When I turned my attention back to the entrance, I blinked upon seeing a little blonde girl of no older than eight. My heart sank, realizing she was clearly meant to be the flower girl, adorably clothed in what amounted to a replica of my own dress. She even carried a tiny woven basket in one hand.

 _'Poor child…'_

"The ceremony's about to begin," she told me—bouncing the slightest bit, her voice bubbly with excitement to match.

I managed a laugh, for her, and reached out to take her hand. "Oh, thank you! Can you show me the way? I don't think I'd make it there by myself."

She beamed, pleased with her Very Important Duty.

Inside, I cried for her innocence.

Dawn shuddered as we crossed the invisible protection spell into the hallway. The two cultists on either side of the door repositioned themselves to flank me as we went. I eyed the swords at their hips, wondering if I could make a run for it after snatching one out of its sheath.

Thoughts of possible further retribution against Rowen if I left, however, stayed my hand.

We wound through a couple more long corridors, the tingle of youja fire running down my spine at each arched intersection. A little quake of perceived fear trembled through my body at realizing even if I had managed to carry out my half-baked plan, it probably would have been a futile effort.

Haunting chants followed us the entire way.

We ended up back at the same courtyard in the center of the compound where the brazier burned. Beyond the end of the rainbow-tiled hall began a sea of people to either side of a loosely-delineated aisleway. At the end of _that_ tunnel stood the bronze brazier, now the centerpiece of an altar littered with amethyst crystals. Somewhere in the space, some kind of choir was singing. Deborah, Michael—

And Rowen.

They'd dragged Rowen out for this sham of a ceremony, held in place by two guards at the head of the aisle and off to the side.

I frowned the slightest bit, distracted. That ripple in the air from earlier was back; the youja's fire didn't feel so overwhelmingly suffocating. Dawn could actually reach out across the space and brush up against Strata. She flinched back at the storm of Spirits whirling around the other armor, however.

 _"Do not fear, Akatsuki. Our rescue is imminent."_

…That wasn't Rowen. That felt like—

 _"_ Dais _? Are you…?"_

 _"Kure and the others found him in the early hours of the morning. He is safe with the Ronin. I took his place to avoid retribution against you."_

Relief hit me like a gut-punch. Nearly staggering from the force of it, I replied, _"Oh thank God."_ Steadying again, I watched the flower girl start to walk as I asked, _"What's the plan?"_

His armor drew mine toward the shadows behind the huge fire. _"Kure is currently dismantling the central flame, and is minutes away from doing so. Once it has been extinguished, we leave."_

 _"So basically buy her time,"_ I summarized. _"Got it."_

Even at this distance, I could catch the hint of a gleam to his eyes. _"We don't need much."_

I subtly acknowledged that, as the flower girl finally reached the far end of the aisle before skipping off to join a gaggle of children in the crowd. Michael leaned over to Deborah, presumably whispering something to which she smiled, murmuring a reply.

By the nudge my escorts gave me, that was supposed to be my cue. On principle, I dug in my heels for the space of a heartbeat before reluctantly stepping out. On purpose, I walked as slowly as I could.

Five paces in, another ripple moved through the space.

My mother's eyes widened. She spun on a dime to face the brazier.

In that moment, two things happened.

Dais made his move, and something _black_ flashed by overhead—straight into the blue-green flames.

A deafening crack like thunder rang in my ears. The earth shuddered so hard I stumbled, tripping over my skirts and landing awkwardly on the side of my knees. Youja fire that had provided additional lighting to the area vanished in little puffs of air, throwing the courtyard into a strange half-light of not-quite-day and not-quite-night.

My sister's voice echoed through the chaos that had ensued following the lightning strike. In the split second of panicked searching for wherever she was, my wide eyes landed on Michael.

Michael—running right for me with blade in hand.

Gritting my teeth, I shifted into a better wrestling stance—all there was time for—and lifted my hands defensively to prepare for whatever scuffle followed.

Someone else beat me to it. A huge vaguely armor-shaped silhouette interposed itself between Michael's charge and me. Steel crashed together at the same time as I realized Dawn had once again risen up to protect me.

Before I could call my own sword, my rescuer expertly disarmed Michael with a flick of the wrist. Acidic hissing and then an ear-grating howl of pain cut through the air. An armored hand hooked under my elbow and dragged me to my feet.

"Stay calm," a male voice rumbled in Japanese.

There wasn't time to be anything _but_ calm.

Just as quickly as he'd arrived, we _both_ vanished. That split second disorientation as the world bent into a tie-dye blend of light and sound and color lingered even after I had readjusted to being in an entirely different space. I was too bewildered by it all to quite process the fact I had _literally_ just teleported.

Familiar voices calling my name snapped me out of it. Rowen and Sage in their subarmors trotted out of the trees, relief clear on their features. Seeing the Ronin of Air safe drained the adrenaline from my system into a confused mix of emotions I had no energy to name.

Everything had happened so head-spinningly _fast_.

Instead I took a few steps to met him, locking my arms around his chest. All the tears I hadn't had a chance to acknowledge stung at my eyes, not helped in the least by his powering down to civvies as he returned the hug in kind. Strata felt drained to its last measure, traces of youja fire skating along the surface; I marvelled he could still be on his feet.

Rowen spoke first, since all _my_ words were a jumbled mess. "I'm so glad you're…" After a moment's struggle with himself, he drew back slightly and swallowed. "Can you forgive me?"

Guilt and heartbreak stared back at me from tired eyes. A lump in my throat made it hard to force the words past, until the first tears spilled over. "Rowen, Michael _lied_. _You_ didn't shoot me. One of the cultists grabbed your arrow, and he merely let you think you did." I sniffled, mentally cursing my messy tears as I cuffed away the moisture on Dawn's slick gauntlet. "You… Once you brought up Strata, your first… You…"

Unable to put words to what exactly had happened, I simply let him rewatch _my_ memory. As soon as it dawned on him that he had only protected me, he pulled me back into his embrace. I hiccupped on a sob, and the tears came harder despite telling myself it wasn't the time or the place, yet.

But for a moment, I finally felt _safe_ again.

Halo danced anxiously in the connection, Sage keen to look me over. "May I sense what they've done?"

I reluctantly drew back from Rowen, wiping the remaining tears from my face and nodding. He kept a comforting hand on my shoulder as Halo stepped over. When his hand passed across the wound—not even touching it—Sage made a face like he had swallowed a bug, and hissed at whatever he felt.

Before he could explain, we all startled and turned toward the compound at Kento's sharp warning. _"The barrier's coming up!"_

 _"Get out of its way,"_ the he-who-I-presumed-to-be-a Warlord said…helpfully.

 _"We're fine,"_ Ryo reassured him. _"We've kept our distance just in case."_

The four of us watched in silence as a tiny portion of the air we could see—near the courtyard, probably—shimmered like the outside of a bubble, faintly rippling while its coloration darkened to purple. Blue-green flame licked along its edges shortly after, then died away. Nothing remained…except a faint gleam like glass where the flames had previously been.

She could also feel her fellow armors—Strata, Halo, and the former Warlord beside me; Hardrock, Torrent, and Wildfire roughly two hundred yards toward the opposite end of the campus; and…

I frowned just as Cye began to voice what I was thinking. _"Where's—"_

Dread lashed through the connection like a cuss word.

We couldn't sense Alexa or the other Warlords _anywhere_.

 _"We're going to cover their exit."_

 _"Not without me, you're not,"_ Sage shot back at Ryo.

"I'm coming too!" I said determinedly. Zero experience with my armor be damned—I'd basically figured out the weapon in spite of that. I could work the rest out on the fly.

"No, you're not," all three other Bearers chorused near-simultaneously. Taken aback by the vehemence of their reaction, my jaw dropped open in disbelief. While I tried to find my voice again, Sage exchanged glances with the other two that said more than I heard; a second later, he spun on a heel and sprinted for the school.

Rowen seemed about to follow, until the Warlord stepped forward and stretched an arm out to block his path. "The both of you need to rest."

The Ronin shot him a half-glare that only proved the other's point, for its lack of intensity. "You mashou may have worked generally alone, but that doesn't change the fact we operate as a team."

A bit unnerved by the hint of venom in his voice, I laid a hand on Rowen's arm. "Maybe let's…not antagonize the nice man who just helped us, shall we?" I encouraged in a loud stage whisper.

He glanced down at me, hard edge in his eyes immediately softening.

Motion from the Warlord caught our attention, as he removed his helm. A shock of bright green hair spilled out, and I would have been lying if I'd said his gaze didn't unnerve me a little bit. "Apologies. We haven't been properly introduced, yet. I am Sekhmet, or Naotaka, bearer of Aki."

"Former Warlord of Venom," Rowen said simply.

"Michael would likely take issue with 'former'."

He shot yet another glare at Sekhmet, this one more narrow-eyed than the first. Autumn raised a placating hand to him. "Relax, Ronin. It was not a lethal poison, and will do nothing but leave scars. I was certain to avoid his eyes, this time."

Warring emotions passed semi-transparently across Rowen's face, even leaking around Strata's usually careful shielding. I wasn't paying enough attention to really catch them all, however.

Sekhmet's explanation seemed to make sense to Rowen, but I clearly wasn't in on the reference—nor what it had to do with Michael. "…Wait. What?"

Something grimly dark overshadowed Sekhmet's countenance, giving him a look that wasn't quite a smirk due to the lack of smugness to it. "My blades may be coated in venom, if I so choose. However, in this instance, it will do nothing more to him than leave burns."

 _"Sekhmet is the one who blinded Ryo, causing Sage to learn he could heal,"_ Rowen offered by way of explanation. _"He nearly killed him_ and _Cye, too, when Ryo went to wake him."_

 _"Which mashou_ hasn't _nearly killed one of you?"_

It was amazing how much Alexa's snark had rubbed off on me—especially when I was exhausted.

Rowen seemed to not quite know what to do with that, for a moment. Once he'd shaken it off, he continued, _"Sekhmet was…you could say one of the cruelest. Of anyone to show mercy…"_

Sekhmet cleared his throat, drawing us out of the distraction of telepathy. "In the years since the War, I have discovered I can also produce powerful antidotes. Reviving Tenku from his unconsciousness was the result of one such."

Revi—wait. They had had to _revive_ Rowen? What—

Another sense of utter horror overwhelmed mine through the connection, like the rapport of a cannon over the sound of gunshots. It seemed to come from all the guys at once, but Sage's was the easiest to hear.

 _"She's trapped!"_

It took a second too long to let that sink in. Considering I was starting to realize I was very bad at listening to my armor, that was more correctly like many hundreds of seconds too long.

While we stood there in paralyzed horror, a glow as if from a sparking welding rod rose up from one far corner of the school. In a split second the blue-white hot light burst outward with a peal of thunder not dissimilar to the black lightning that had hit the central brazier.

Whatever that _was_ , though, it hadn't been enough.

The barrier still stood.

"No… _no_ …"

The background chatter of the mental connection came through with unnaturally crystal clarity.

 _"We need Inferno!"_

 _"Rowen's not strong enough—"_

 _"Like hell I'm not!"_

 _"_ No _, Rowen, stay where you are."_

I only registered the fact I was moving when something stopped me—Rowen's arms catching me around the middle. Desperation to go help my sister and Dawn's reserves of strength allowed me an attempt at struggling; but despite his own exhaustion, his subarmored arms wouldn't budge. The pain of my wound didn't help matters either, the air having been knocked out of my lungs and exacerbated by the pressure on my ribcage.

"Let me go!" At no sign of that happening, I whined, "Rooooweeeeen…"

"We just got _you_ out of there," he said firmly. Despite that, there was a subtle quaver to his words; Strata couldn't hide his own torn feelings over wanting to support his brothers, but also respecting their desire for him to avoid more danger. "Your going back in would defeat the whole purpose. Just _stay here_ —please."

A flash of color from Autumn grabbed both our attention. Sekhmet walked up to us now, powered down from full plate to an earth-brown subarmor. His eyes met Rowen's intently. "They will need a scout."

The arms holding me back slackened. A split second later, something about the Warlord's meaning clicked. I found myself having to stand on my own again as the Ronin stepped away. Strata shimmered into life over his subarmor, and he jumped six feet into the air with a motion as casual as walking.

My jaw dropped. "Hey! Why do _you_ get to go but not me?"

He turned in midair to reassure me. "I'll be back s—"

Pain jolted through the connection like a punch to the chest. A second, exponentially stronger zap to my arm followed that had me flinch and flail the limb as if I could physically throw the feeling off. Rowen's weightlessness wavered, feet dropping to inches above the ground.

The sheer look of horror on Rowen's face told me that that pain was a worse thing than I yet realized.

A gust blew past, directing our attention back to where the others were. Fire crackled and roared as loud as the previous thunder, splashing like water against the barrier and bursting upward into a column that towered above the school.

Its surface spiderwebbed under the extreme heat, then shattered.


	22. Chapter 22

**Warnings:** Cult material, assault, guns/shooting, blood/injuries, PTSD

* * *

 _Chapter 22_

—A—

 _"The kids!"_

I looked barely twenty five feet to the side and saw a group of children all huddled together, flinching at the fighting around them. Wide-eyed at the fighting coming _nearer_ to them. I dove away from Kayura despite her yelling, pausing just long enough to brace myself. A Guardian slammed into my shoulder; I tried not to gasp at the force. Collateral from Dais' and Cale's fight. Collateral that these kids had already experienced too much. The metal scrap fell to the ground as I absorbed its energy, weaving a shield as easily as I breathed. Laboured, but enough to buy some time. One of the dogs growled at cultists rushing me, causing a hasty retreat.

I had a chance to dismantle this cult from the inside out. I was _not_ about to pass it up.

Trying to not make it look like I was running on a few hours' sleep and too much sugar, I knelt down in front of them, letting the dog guard. "Are you okay?"

The little girl dressed in white— the one who had gotten Tessa— stared up at me wide-eyed. "Are you Alexa?"

I nodded. "I know you've probably heard about me. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

They kept staring, some afraid, some curious. I silenced every internal voice that said they were afraid for good reason.

I made sure _my_ voice was as soft as I could make it. "It's okay. I'm coming back here because I had to keep my sister safe. Deborah kidnapped her and she was going to be unhappy. I had to make sure she was happy by taking her back. You can leave this place if you want."

Shocked gasps and murmurs met that response. I pressed on.

"If you're not happy here, you can leave once you turn eighteen. I did it when I was twenty and I'm happy. I'm okay away from them. This isn't the only place you can live. It's hard, but it's worth it."

The flower girl seemed the most receptive to it. "Will Tessa be okay?"

I nodded. "So will I. And so will you, if you keep in mind they don't have all the answers."

The shield flickered. Chaos was becoming more focused in my direction. The kids looked terrified at the prospect. Youja fire flared in the area, filling it, howling in my ears— I had taken too long. Reaching out meant touching the slick, agonizing wall of molten glass.

Time to take the long way around.

"Can you help me escape again?"

She swallowed. "Will I ever see you again?"

I looked at her earnest wanting, earnest desire to stay in touch with me. I told them the name of my social media profiles against every anxiety telling me how bad an idea that was, asking if she could remember that. Asking if she could keep that name a secret.

She nodded.

"Look me up with that name. I'll answer you. Even if it's years later. I'm here for you."

"Okay." She pointed around the corner of the building. "They took the fence down over there."

I grinned. "Thanks. Run the other way as soon as I start, alright?"

Now, all the kids nodded. Kayura's energy strengthened my shield, and they knew _I_ had kept them safe. Not their parents. Not the cult. Where there had been danger, the cast out girl who I knew was demonized had kept them from it.

"You'll be okay?"

They looked a little braver, a little more sure. Nods and murmurs saying they would be made me believe them. Maybe in all of this chaos, all of this hell, I had given them the smallest piece of hope.

I managed one last smile, realizing I was completely out of time. "I'll see you later."

They smiled before their faces contorted in horror. A single, soundless moment later, white-hot fire bit into my shoulder. I tried not to scream.

"You witch!"

Michael.

I spun to face him, catching another chop on my forearm. "Bastard."

He bore down on me, neck tense. "Possessive, diluted, corrupting _witch_. You—"

A well-placed punch to the stomach sent him stumbling back. Another kick to his ribs and he howled in pain, bone snapping under my weight.

"That was for Tessa."

I forced myself to absorb the youja fire, closing the cuts on my back and forearm. Kayura joined me soonafter, pausing only momentarily to make sure I was okay. I glanced at the kids, who nodded and waved me off.

With that, I ran towards the building. _"Avoid the kids this time!"_

Dais and Cale sounded thoroughly chastised. _"Apologies, for putting them in danger."_

 _"Here's hoping that dismantles this place from the inside out…"_ I yanked on the doors leading into the compound, wincing at the heavy strain on my shoulder. _"I'm sorry."_

Dais helped shove the door open. _"Sometimes, temporary setbacks lead to greater rewards."_

That brought the smallest smile. _"I just hope those kids get out alright."_

Kayura threw the staff, the thin barrier in front of us shattering. _"I believe they will."_

Metal grating on metal creaked to life, echoing within the hallway. I skidded to a stop. Before I could reach back into the youja to stop them, Cale tugged me forward. _"We don't have time— save your strength."_

I kept running, my legs and lungs starting to burn.

The ear-splitting crack of a gunshot had me stop dead in my tracks, Dusk coming up in full just to dull the sound.

I _hated_ guns.

The others stopped around me, white flashing behind my eyes. Dais put a hand on my shoulder. _"They cannot hit what they cannot see. We need to keep moving."_

I tried to ignore my body wanting to lock up at a wash of panic, a wash of fear, a wash of triggers. I wanted to shake, cry, throw up— especially as another shot rang out, echoing through the halls and punching me in the chest.

Cale tugged on my arm. _"Climb on my back."_

I very quickly got myself situated in piggyback, trying to ignore every voice that said I was slowing them down and causing more problems than I was worth. We pushed right through the Guardians and cultists trying to stop us, a few stray bullets hitting Dusk.

He let me go so we could zip through the fence. Nobody had followed us outside. Dais' work had done the trick. We were close enough I could get my anxiety under control, now— especially at the sight of the guys waiting for us.

So close to freedom. So close to escaping a second time.

Their faces paled in horror, each one taking a half step back. I couldn't help myself.

I turned mid-stride and looked at the dark cloud descending on us like an avalanche.

With a skip, I turned back towards the barrier and picked up my pace. Youja screaming in my ears filled me a moment later. In the dark, Cale got his arm around my shoulders and held me close.

"How dare you keep my daughters from me!"

A clang followed by an all too familiar _hiss_ sparked my anger.

I turned away from Cale. "How dare—"

His presence vanished the minute I was away from him.

A half step back and I was against a solid wall.

My mother smiled at me.

—~—

Watching Alexa break out of the trees into the trail they were waiting beside almost made Sage collapse to his knees from relief.

A dark cloud rolling towards her like ash from Mount Fuji stopped that feeling in its tracks, spine going rigid the way that preceded a panic attack.

She noticed the looks on their faces and turned, pausing moments too long before running again. Her stride seemed to be in slow motion, Cale easily catching up to her and keeping pace. The other mashou turned to try and face it head on, the shakujo already beginning to glow.

Blackness consumed them all.

Sage leapt towards her and hit a solid glass wall, subarmour burning with the impact. _"She's trapped!"_

Kourin was up in full before he could blink, Rai Ko Zan sparking in his spirit and flowing down the blade like water. Sheer _desperation_ coloured his vision.

He _couldn't_ fail her.

He held onto it as long as he could, electricity coursing through his veins like immediately returning from the caves. Blue lightning cleared to the same wall of blackness as before, not even a crack visible.

 _"We need Inferno!"_

The words didn't even sound like they came from him. Maybe they had been Ryo's. Kourin drained from his system like a solar eclipse, the gold of his spirit bare in a ring of emerald green. The gold quelled his nerves as he lept back, providing him a light in the darkness. Something shining as his fears of Cale beaded sweat on his neck at the thought _Alexa_ was now in that position. He couldn't look away—could barely even pay attention to Aki joining instead of Tenku.

He shielded his eyes from Sen Ko Zan.

Glass _shattering_ filled his ears. Youja howled in pain, their wails overwhelming, grating on his ears like nails on a chalkboard. He grit his teeth at the _thump_ of energy hitting him in the chest, air forcing its way out. He inhaled at the _pull_ that followed, sucking him in towards the compound like a riptide. Like Arago when Cale had captured him. Sage dug in his feet, stumbling half a step at the vacuum they left behind. A single, faint thread of pain on his arm made his heart skip a beat. _Fire_ coursing through Kourin brought him to his knees, teeth cracking to try and keep him from screaming. Cuts to the yoroi. Swords Alexa couldn't protect them against.

He looked back up to where Alexa had stood.

"No!"

Another, much smaller tube of black glass sat in place of the smoke. Before Sage could pull up Kourin, fighting even his yoroi trying to lock down, more fire leapt across his upper chest. Four. She had been hit four times they needed to get her out _now_.

Kayura's shout pierced the air, golden lightning sparking out from behind the glass. The blackness spiderwebbed—

And shattered.

Deborah stood not even twenty feet in front of him, lunging forward as she completed an overhead chop into Alexa's chest. He leapt towards them, catching Alexa as she fell and going to his knees to ease her momentum. She collapsed into his arms and _shook_ , barely able to grip his forearm wrapped around her shoulders.

"You demons!"

Kourin sparked back to life, its ken materializing the exact moment another blade crossed his vision.

Metal crashed against metal, Cale's voice a rumble to his left. "Leave her be."

Deborah's sword was locked against Cale's ōdachi, Kourin's ken resting underneath.

The _yami mashou_ had just… protected him? Protected Alexa?

Sage returned to his bearings, voice deep in his chest. "Get _away_ from her!"

Electricity sparked as black light glowed, both of them leveraging their swords to push her back lest the blade twist from her grip. Fire and light stripped away where the blades crossed, leaving bare metal sparking as it disengaged. Living shadows formed a circle around them both, canine teeth flashing white in Sage's periphery. He focused on the cutlass still threatening to make another swing.

Deborah seemed unphased by the growls around her, stepping back. "God's will _must_ happen!"

Cale swiped at her. Wolves leapt.

She vanished.

Alexa's shaking returned, breath shuddering. She hadn't otherwised moved the whole ordeal. Kourin dissolved to subarmour to hopefully help her realize the danger had passed. Sage cupped her cheek to turn her head towards him, breaking her paralysis. She inhaled upon seeing him; he was able to release a breath, his relief finally settling in. Before he could reassure her, her eyes unfocused and she turned the rest of the way into him, whole body curling around red slashes. One ended midway across her chest, one on her bicep, and one on her forearm. Touching them produced a yelp.

These looked fresh.

Sage wrapped his other arm around her, pressing his jaw into her forehead. He rocked, gently, letting her feel the protection he hoped Kourin resonated. "You're safe, now. I'm here. She won't hurt you again."

Alexa's hand crept out from tucked between them to against his neck, her other tentatively trying to hook around his chest. Kourin tried to ease as much pain as it could, but her trembling wouldn't stop. One hand carefully ran across her body, trying to find the fourth cut and feeling like there _should_ be one on her back but not touching any mars.

Kayura's hand on his shoulder got the briefest of flickers of acknowledgement. The world _compressed_ , colours and sounds warping into a pinprick. They released in an exhale, the motel room surrounding them.

Alexa whined, hand curling into a fist against his skin. Kure flickered. Kourin poured strength into her, trying to stabilize her system. Her light was fading through his fingers, sucked up by fire burning too hot.

Tessa gasped, falling to her knees beside them on the floor. A green catsuit layered with thin plates that had to be Akatsuki covered her body. "Alexa! What—what happened?"

Alexa twisted towards her in response, opening her eyes and finally finding some semblance of strength. She reached one hand out to her sister. "Tessa… Are you—"

Her sentence abruptly cut off with a yelp the moment she stretched her arm too far. Kure dissolved completely; her skin split open, red bubbling like a fountain. Adjusting his grip on her produced a slick feeling against his chest— blood.

He had never felt blood against his yoroi. None of them had ever _bled_.

"Ohmygod!" Tessa looked up, pleading with him. "Sage—!"

He had already covered her bicep with his free hand, trying to stop the bleeding. A slick, viscous feeling stuck between his fingers almost immediately. "Alexa, please— if you'll—"

"No." She forced herself to turn back towards Tessa. "Are you hurt? Did they seal you?"

Sage couldn't believe his ears. Tessa couldn't, either, if her shocked blink was any indication. "I—I'm fine. I don't—" Her whole demeanor took on a desperate quality. "Alexa _please_ , just let him heal you. I'm fine, I'm not going anywhere, I promise, but you—you're—"

She tried to shift, ignoring that request, only to bite back a moan in pain. Sage tightened his grip on her, easing pressure on her chest. "Will you let me?"

A weak nod was his answer, more hopeless than anything that resembled consent, but it was a yes. Kourin flowed beyond its constraints and reached into her spirit— only to come up grasping at smoke. He bit down his own panic, remembering what she had mentioned in the car. _"Are_ you _sealed?"_

 _"Y-yes but—"_

He couldn't stop himself from cutting her off. _"No buts. Those need breaking."_

 _"I can't…"_

 _"Kayura—"_

She knelt beside them almost before he had finished the word, hand on Alexa's shoulder. Tessa glanced at the Ancient quizzically, but Sage was more focused on following the new energy searching for something he didn't even know where to start looking for.

Golden light brushed off… what could only be described as _ash_ in her spirit, revealing _five_ twisted, vault-like knots of energy.

What had they _done_ to her?

Alexa noticed their horror and pressed deeper into his arm. _"Just one— please…"_

As much as he didn't want to respect her wishes, he knew he had to. For the third time that day he watched _youja_ barriers crack and shatter, this time Kure's energy flowing out and filling the void. Almost immediately her subarmour returned, containing the bleeding and giving him more time. He closed his eyes and let golden light mix with purple, finding the slices in her skin and yoroi.

Her body stopped its trembling almost immediately, her breath less in shallow hitches and gaining rhythm. Still, she clung to him and Akatsuki, unnamed fears swirling through Kure. As much as he wanted to ease _them_ as well as her physical injuries, he had to make a choice. Her mind could wait until she'd slept. Until both of them weren't so consumed with the thought of what had just happened.

He stopped when her energy store was extinguished, needing to save _his_ energy for Tessa's far more troubling wound. The energy drain on Kourin was noticeable, this time, and he couldn't go much farther no matter how much he wanted to. Opening his eyes revealed Alexa sound asleep in his arms, holding Tessa's hand, subarmour veined in gold where she had been hit.

He blinked.

Before he had a chance to investigate, her subarmour faded— leaving behind much smaller cuts in its wake. He tried not to look at them, Kourin dissolving so he could brush a strand of hair from her face without leaving a streak of blood in his wake. Mercifully, the sense of slickness on metal vanished.

Cye stepped forward. "Is she still hurt?"

Sage nodded, shifting Alexa so Cye could examine her instead of him. "I did as much as I could, but…"

Tessa leaned forward, Rowen's hand sliding from her shoulder. "What?"

He glanced at her, about to respond— only to pause at the fact she was wearing a white dress. Had the wedding really been that soon? Sage could hardly remember what Rowen had told them all the night before, sleeping pills causing yet another nagging gap in his memory. As much as he wanted to ask Tenku standing right behind Tessa, he couldn't find his voice.

Cye replaced Kayura beside them, lifting Alexa's sleeve and adjusting the neck of her shirt to inspect the damage. Much thinner and shorter slices had replaced the open wounds. "I'll tend them. Get something to put on the bed to lay her on."

Kento went into the bathroom to get a towel. Tessa had other ideas. "I can take her." At Ryo's dubious look, she gestured to the dress she wore. "I was debating burning this thing anyway, might as well put it to use as bandages and what not… Besides, if she wakes up, she'll probably appreciate the hold."

That was a very big _if_ , but Sage had seen how Alexa reacted away from her sister as she slept. He inclined his head and stood, letting Tessa situate herself on one of the beds with the fabric of her dress acting as a barrier between bedding and blood. He lay Alexa down so she was half sitting up against her sister, torso on her thighs and stomach with her head tucked against the curve of Tessa's neck. He couldn't tell if she looked more peaceful or not. If she was even aware she had been moved.

He lingered long enough to make sure she was comfortable, fighting his urge to check for a pulse, Rowen's hand on his lower back in comfort. She was okay. He trusted his abilities that much. He didn't want to, for how he had one more wound to tend. For how new— how _raw_ — this ability felt.

He had to think to walk to the other side of the bed. He gently laid a hand on Tessa's shoulder, sitting beside her. "I need to clear out their healing, as well."

She nodded tiredly, leaning back against the headboard and shifting to allow his hand to rest on her side. Cye handed him curved bandage scissors, what was standard in portable trauma kits, letting Sage cut away the fabric to see an angry raised scar near the base of her ribcage, almost parallel to a rib. The slight diagonal over the bone would mean less damage internally. He hoped.

Peeling away the fabric seemed to jog something in Tessa's memory. "Did you bring any of my clothes?"

"We did," Rowen said softly.

She looked down at her sister. "Probably too late to change now, huh?"

That broke some of the tension in the room. Cye even laughed softly. "Wait until I've finished bandaging Alexa's wounds and we don't need cloth anymore."

That pulled a genuine smile out of her, at least.

Sage glanced at Alexa uneasily, trying not to focus on the fact Cye was administering stitches. It wasn't completely his fault, he knew, but he wished he could have healed her to the point she only needed bandages.

He returned to forcing himself to tend Tessa's injury. The sense of rot in her skin nearly made him gag— and the colour was even worse. It was embedded in the colour of her skin and the empathic impression.

It was almost a mirror of his green, lit with black flame instead of golden light.

The energy hit him like a blade to the stomach. He'd barely had a chance to examine it before the barrier had come up— he was glad he hadn't. This felt sick like an infection, like it would cause Tessa's body to shut down if it was left in long-term. He understood why Alexa was scared of Kourin, now.

It was difficult, almost impossible, not to be scared of it, himself.

He tried to work around their energy, finding the edge he could gain access to the wound instead of a makeshift plug. At no place to break its hold, he came to a realization. "Kayura? There's…"

She came to stand beside him, her hand just under his. "Breaking this might reopen the wound…"

Tessa swallowed. "Uh, break what?"

"There is a seal on the healing they performed— the energy is, in essence, simply plugging the wound instead of healing it," Kayura said calmly. "Breaking it will release the energy but also return the wound to its original state."

Tessa's eyes widened slightly. "…Oh. Ohkay…"

Rowen came and sat on her other side in response to her wispy voice. "It shouldn't last long, once Sage starts on healing."

Their hands crept closer together in mutual worry, and mutual support.

Sage managed a tired smile, already feeling his nightmares and lack of sleep catching up to him. "I will be able to heal your wound in its entirety. You… have a much greater energy store."

She took a breath and nodded as a sign they could begin, her hand now clasped in Rowen's.

Kayura broke the seal much swifter than she had Alexa's; Sage tried not to wince at the feel of blood leaking out of the wound against his hand. Kourin purified it as much as contained it, the same green-black energy having nearly sealed off her veins. It scurried away at Kourin's light, generating a wash of blood before he was able to completely close that portion of the puncture. The full depth of the wound— ten centimeters— needed work, even though three of them had been closed off already. Her lung wasn't expanding properly from the damage to her diaphragm as it was.

Cye guided him through what was involved in sealing and repairing this much internal damage, Suiko— followed by the others— pouring strength into him as his own flagged. With an added healing to burns on her wrists, the same ones as Rowen had, he finally finished.

He lifted his hand to reveal a thin scar with a thicker centre, tissue that had, by some miracle, actually healed correctly. He couldn't have undone it if he tried. Or, it would've taken more energy than he currently possessed. Another failure in healing. Another scar that would act as a daily reminder of pain.

Cye passed him something to wipe his hand on, an action Sage did on automatic. He couldn't remember ever healing this much. Not since his suicide attempt.

He did _not_ want to think about his suicide attempt.

Tessa looked even sleepier than he was. Rowen still holding her hand likely had everything to do with that, for how Tenku wove with Akatsuki.

He tried to put it out of his mind, how much he wanted Rowen all to himself, right now. His soul ached with yearning for something he could only barely name, thoughts convoluted and muddied.

Ryo's voice— hot with anger— provided a distraction. "What _happened_ in there?"

Attention to the mashou made Sage look up, aware of his surroundings. Sekhmet was looking at Cale's forearm, Dais standing nearby.

Kento didn't take long to round on the mashou, himself. "We trusted you to get her out!"

"She refused to leave before she spoke to the children present for the ceremony."

Everyone paused at Dais' simple statement.

There had been _children_ there?

Cale turned his arm, revealing a red slice to match the ones Kure had just received. _He_ had been the fourth cut. "When her mother attacked us, I attempted to protect her. Unfortunately the attack provoked Kure's anger, and she turned to engage her mother. The moment we were separated, she was further trapped."

Sage paused. He had been the _first_ cut. And she had tried to protect a mashou, despite knowing what they had done.

Even at the cost to herself, her first instinct had been to protect. Her virtue truly had to be yū, for that alone.

Dais glanced away. "It is, partially, our fault. In our haste to free ourselves from Guardians, we nearly sent one into the group of children. She shielded them and spoke to them— about what, however, we could not say. She hoped to, in her words, 'dismantle the place from the inside out'."

Everyone stopped to consider that. The mashou had tried to protect her. They had succeeded in protecting Rowen. They had protected Sage as he held her. Lent themselves to Inferno, _willingly_. The sheer strangeness was too much to bear.

Rowen bowed from his neck. "Doumo arigato gozaimasu. I…don't know that we could have safely managed to do what we did, today, without you all."

Cale returned the gesture. "We simply wish we could have spared Kure her injuries."

They all agreed to that, however uneasily.

Sekhmet continued. "We will keep watch from the youjakai and let you tend to your wounded."

Murmured thank yous filled the room, coming from everyone except the sisters— both of them sound asleep.

Kayura lingered behind momentarily, quietly tapping into the connection. _"Before we leave… Kure confirmed that the cult worked with the Dynasty. Badamon worked directly with the leaders, to be specific."_

That sent a chill through everyone, but they were all too tired to examine it. Sage in particular felt like he could sleep for the next year.

He stood to give the girls more room on the bed, the world going black at the effort and his whole body feeling like lead. Ryo caught him and slung Sage's arm around his neck, escorting him to the other bed. Comments about 'rest up' and 'you've earned it' filtered through, sounding like they came from underwater. He could barely put one foot in front of the other.

Ryo laid him down gently, helping him get his body on the bed and under the covers. Despite his lack of physical energy, his mind prevented him from truly considering sleep. Kourin was exhausted, his sleeping medication had yet to wear off, but memories of trying to rest the night previous were too fresh for him to relax. Something pained him to the point he couldn't work past it.

Movement made him open his eyes, Rowen's torso filling his vision. He shifted to the side to let Tenku lay beside him, wrapping his arms around his brother. _"Please don't leave."_

Rowen returned the embrace. _"I won't, Sensei. Rest. I'm here."_

The ache deep in his chest vanished. Sage tucked himself against Rowen's neck, mind finally quiet enough to sleep.

—=—

Kento was pretty sure Sage hadn't meant to spill what he had said with Rowen to the rest of them, both now and when Rowen had gotten back.

It felt like an invasion of privacy to hear how they spoke to each other.

Even after all this time, Sage still hid it. Still kept his feelings for… anyone, really, deep under Kourin. Now Kento had heard how Sage wanted to kiss Rowen, how he had forgiven so quickly in relief, how the healing Sage had given Rowen was golden-green light instead of the pure green of the past six years, laying Kourin's love towards Tenku bare.

Sage had never extended an invitation into his world of loving men. Kento had deserved the stonewall, for how he'd reacted the first time he'd heard about it. He'd balked at the concept, accepting Sage at a distance. Not wanting any part of it. Over the years he had tried to understand, try to see the world as Sage did, try to say it was alright to love nearby, but the damage had been done. Sage never invited him back into his world after he and Yūsei parted ways.

Now, Kento understood why they called each other brothers. He understood the privacy. But all this glimpse had done was make him wish he could soothe old wounds, to do something so Sage could understand he accepted him wholeheartedly. Especially as Rowen's hand threaded in Sage's hair, comforting him in sleep and making sure nightmares didn't have a chance to take hold.

None of them had been able to calm Sage down, with Rowen gone.

 _"How did he sleep?"_

Cye exhaled, replacing Alexa's shirt so she wasn't covered in blood when she woke. _"He_ didn't _, not without his sleeping pills, which is likely why he nearly passed out, now. He's lost his tolerance towards them."_

Rowen sighed. _"I'm sorry. I let arrogance cloud my logic. I didn't listen to you all and for that…"_ He rested his hand on Sage's hair, eyes trained on the girls. _"We nearly paid too great a price."_

Ryo shook his head. _"If it weren't for the mashou, we_ would _have. As much as I hate to admit that."_

Kento in particular didn't like to admit that. They'd already paid too high a price thanks to those mashou; Sage hadn't slept from being near Cale, Ryo was a nervous wreck all night as they all fought with their helplessness, and Alexa was…

He didn't want to think how she'd feel upon waking up, if Deborah had just injured her that badly. At least Tessa was relatively safe, for now.

The nagging thought about their father wouldn't leave Kento alone, either. He'd suggested she put it aside since they had to get Tessa back, first. Now Derrick's safety _was_ the more pressing matter. And if experience with Sage and Ryo was any indication, the fallout of having to deal with that would not be pretty.

Rowen glanced down. _"Sekhmet said he's been dabbling in antidotes, since Arago's defeat. It was how they revived me, I think."_

Cye's medical instincts had yet to turn off, considering his kit was still out. _"How… bad, were you?"_

Rowen bit his lip. _"I'm…not even sure I really know. By the time I woke up, the sore throat and burns were all Sage had to heal. But…whatever they did, I think it was the same thing I interrupted on Tessa."_

Kento leaned against a wall. _"It was bad enough what should've been scouting turned into a rescue. And with how Badamon is behind it…"_

Ryo crossed his arms, eyes filled with unnamed emotions mixed with fear. _"It's… scary to think the mashou might've gone through everything Alexa, and now you and Tessa, did…"_

Rowen dragged a hand down his face tiredly. _"And we thought it had been a shock to find out they were human."_

Cye finally began packing up his kit. _"As the saying goes, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'. It seems the mashou and us have found a common enemy."_

Ryo tapped his fingers against his arm. _"I'm not sure that gives them enough credit."_

Kento tried to keep his jaw off the floor. _"You've gotta be kidding, if you're considering they went from four centuries under Arago to… whatever_ this _is in six years."_

Rowen responded with uncharacteristic heat. _"They could have left Tessa and I both to die, or worse. Alexa could have been hurt far more than she already was—_ Sage _could have been gravely injured, as well. And without Sekhmet, we might not have been able to form Kikoutei."_ He softened. _"We owe them. Big time."_

Kento grumbled. _"They still didn't help as much as they could've— they said it themselves they messed up, so Alexa had to defend others from them."_

Ryo exhaled. _"And how many times did we get Mia and Yuli in trouble? I don't_ like _working with them, but…"_

Cye backed their leader up. _"Neither do I. But we now know how our yoroi react, beyond their barriers. They're the only ones other than Alexa and Tessa who can work directly within the energy."_

The comment about Mia and Yuli was a low blow, but he was right. Sage's PTSD came in part from protecting those two, and even Kento had to admit he didn't blame anyone except Cale for that happening.

Now he couldn't blame the _mashou_ , just Deborah. Just Arago. Just people he couldn't get his hands on and make pay— and if he tried to get close, he faced the same problems as Rowen had found out firsthand.

Kento simmered over six years of anger towards the _mashou_ , having watched them all nearly destroy themselves— destroy each other— thanks to them. He'd tried to put it aside for Sage's sake, for Ryo's sake, but after nights like last night he just wanted Cale to never sleep again.

At the same time, Cale had lent his blade to protect Sage. He'd taken a hit for Alexa. If this was his way of apologizing, Kento couldn't help but mistrust it. The mashou were hard to figure out at best, and he was still waiting for their tricks to come out.

All of them had been thinking, apparently. Ryo raked a hand through his hair. _"We should probably see if they'd be willing to teach us how. If this ends up dragging on…"_

Nobody needed the reminder they were at a disadvantage. Trying to get more intel, as Tessa would probably call it, Kento turned his attention towards his oldest friend in the group. _"What'd it even feel like in there?"_

Rowen avoided looking at them. After a long moment he finally said, _"Like…I couldn't breathe. It was so oppressive that Tenku powered down to subarmor almost immediately. They even… Just being in there after a couple minutes took it away completely."_

That froze the room for the nth time this week. Ryo was the only one who could talk. _"…_ What _?"_

Rowen's hand that wasn't comforting Sage tightened into a fist. "They took away even Tenku's subarmor. I…I was basically helpless. And then…" He swallowed, eyes closing tightly. "Th-They got in my head. The yoroi… It was like it wasn't mine, anymore. I could barely control it. I—I _didn't_." He glanced over at the girls, eyes lingering on the redhead. "If it weren't for Tessa…I don't know what might have happened. What I…"

Cye paled. "So the spells they used to control Alexa, and stop her from accessing Kure… are more powerful on us?"

Ryo crossed his arms again. "Would the _mashou_ have been okay without Alexa is my question…"

Rowen shook his head. "I have no idea. But I think…I think it was preying on the nature of the yoroi. The combination of their youja energy plus that already in the yoroi must have been enough to overwhelm the virtues Kaos embedded in them. I think the mashou _might_ have been okay, because they lived it for so many years. But…"

"Something to talk about…" Ryo murmured.

Cye put Derrick's kit back in his suitcase. "We should probably rest before continuing… Alexa has the answers to most of our questions, and who knows how long she'll sleep."

Rowen once again studied the girls. "To have nothing at all in her when Sage healed her… How much did she do?"

Ryo rubbed his mouth. "She was up all night. As far as we know, she and Kayura completely took over the barrier before shattering it— and there were hundreds of cultists feeding it. Only the _mashou_ know what she did between getting Tessa out and us finding her."

"We should've asked them more, before they left…" Cye said, notes of sadness in his voice.

"Too late for that…" Kento muttered. He looked at his battle-worn friends. "Rest up, guys. I'll take watch."

Cye smiled gratefully. "Wake me up for the second."

He nodded, settling down in a chair as Ryo and Cye clung to each other, trying to calm Rekka down enough to sleep. Rowen didn't take long to join Sage, and the girls were still peaceful. As peaceful as they could be, for injured and just rescued from capture.

His thoughts kept circling back to the cult and Arago.

Out of all of them, he'd come away the least scathed. Even Cye, if faced with the wrong situation, fell back into memories so intensely he needed a hug to be pulled out of it. Kento hadn't really found any like that… except this came pretty close.

He closed his eyes, trying to forget how he'd reacted to finding out about Sage's suicide attempt. The betrayal nobody had trusted him enough to let him know his friend had nearly _died_ — twice. That the reason he'd felt stabbed in the stomach was Sage's own hand, trying to separate himself from his yoroi.

That's what came back. Not the War, but the anger so intense he could taste it. He'd tried to soothe it down. Tried to keep Kongo away from it so he wouldn't succumb to its bloodlust. The fear Dais had placed within him. The same feeling Dais was now his protector from.

Maybe he'd come away with more scars than he thought.

He exhaled and leaned his head against the wall, hoping nobody else would have nightmares.


	23. Chapter 23

Hey, sorry about the unannounced hiatus. Took a bit of time off, but we're back now. Enjoy the follow up to the previous thrilling chapter!

 **Warnings:** Discussion of brainwashing and assault (with a dash of internalized victim blaming)

* * *

 _Chapter 23_

—8—

Hunger drove Rowen from unconsciousness into awareness—one of the few things in the world that could reliably perform that function. Despite his knotting stomach reminding him it had been over twenty-four hours since he fed it, however, the Ronin had little inclination to move.

Sage's forehead barely grazing Rowen's shoulder, body angled toward him, served as his anchor. The man had been so utterly exhausted from poor sleep and the drain of healing that his body hadn't even had energy to produce nightmares this time. Rowen was certain Tenku's presence had something to do with the too-still peace of Sage's unconsciousness—much like it had with Tessa's hastened sleep last night, though unintentionally.

But that peace couldn't hide the shallowness of Kourin's breathing.

As his brain woke up more, Rowen could actually process the undertow of guilt derived from the last twenty-four to thirty-six hours. His sleep had been muddled by the subconscious feelings that also included shame and helplessness.

He had promised to be there for Tessa. He had failed.

More importantly, he had thrown the integrity of his team into disarray and jeopardized their goals.

Worst of all, he had hurt Sage.

Rowen had gravely miscalculated…well, _everything_.

Including the insatiability of his hunger.

Stifling an annoyed groan, he dragged his limbs under him and pushed himself upright. Between rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and covering a huge yawn, a peek at the clock showed the time to be just past two in the afternoon.

His usual late wake-up, after a stint of pulling twenty-sixes writing term papers.

He had been so weary after yesterday's events that he hadn't even changed out of his street clothes. Realizing how uncomfortably twisted around his torso the shirt was, and the material of his jeans pinching in places, Rowen finally dragged his body out of bed and shook himself straight. Satisfied despite his wrinkled appearance, the Ronin plucked Tenku from the nightstand and carefully worked it between Sage's fingers.

As small a gesture as it was, at least it partially assuaged the guilt for leaving his friend—both now and yesterday.

Incredibly enough, Rowen appeared to be the first one awake. Sage and the sisters were of course out like a light; Kento snored in the armchair; and Ryo had seemingly slept upright against the wall, neck tipped at a painful angle. It wasn't until Rowen came out of the bathroom, however, that he fully realized Cye wasn't in the room, nor was Suiko's signature in the immediate vicinity.

He dragged a hand down his face. ' _I need coffee.'_

The Ronin wasn't desperate enough to stoop so low as to brew a batch of the motel's just yet, however. His eyes landing on the twins again set those musings aside; on a compulsion he was too tired to curb, Rowen moved to check on Tessa.

Her sleep appeared just as restful as the others. None of the pain of her captivity reflected in the smooth lines of her face or the quiet rhythm of her breath. That didn't mean he couldn't remember it, however. All he had to do was close his eyes, and he rewatched her face twisting in agony; relived the all-encompassing horror and terror of the realization that his own arrow had nearly killed her.

Had, now, marked her for life.

Even knowing he didn't—realizing, belatedly, that their proximity meant he _couldn't_ have shot her—the event still rattled him more than he had let on to the others. Even seeing her memories, recognizing the timing that meant she had saved _him_ from a worse wound than hers…he loathed it. Ryo's words from an earlier discussion repeated in his mind, how it shouldn't be these twins who had to bear the fate of the world on their shoulders—the fate of protecting it from _their_ yoroi.

Which was, of course, exactly what Tessa had done.

In the end, she hadn't really needed him. It was exactly the opposite. _He_ had needed _her_.

He didn't deserve to be her friend. He had hardly even deserved saving, once he given in to Tenku.

Nevertheless, his fingers stretched out to brush a few stray strands of coppery hair from her forehead—apologetically; regretfully.

" _You never were able to stand by while someone needed saving, were you?"_

Rowen froze, caught with a hand on the metaphorical cookie jar. Rekka had clearly not been slumbering as deeply as Tenku had guessed—which made all the sense in the world when he thought about it, of course.

Wherever Cye was, Rowen desperately hope he returned with coffee. At this rate, he was going to need a quadruple espresso with extra shots.

Realizing his shoulders had lifted with sudden tension, he forced them down and looked away from Ryo. " _Except it didn't work, this time."_

The other Bearer straightened, stretching and rubbing the stiffness from his neck. " _I forgive you. I know Sage does. You tried, and we were able to get you out."_

' _You mean the mashou and Alexa were,'_ Rowen thought privately. He wasn't going to point that out, however. They had all been helpless in the face of this demonic cult. The last thing he needed to do was aggravate their wounds over it.

Reluctantly drawing his hand back from Tessa's hair, Rowen moved to his bed and sat beside Sage. " _That doesn't change the fact I put her in_ more _danger._ And _endangered everyone else in the process."_

The sound of a key card sliding in the lock and the door clicking open preempted Ryo's reply. Cye quickly stepped through and eased it shut behind him. His eyes landed on Rowen first. " _Oh good_ — _you're awake. I hope you're hungry."_

" _Have you forgotten my appetite already?"_ Rowen quipped with a brief chuckle. Sombering, he continued, " _I haven't eaten since the barbeque…"_

" _I thought as much. This one is yours."_

Cye lightly tossed him a large brown paper bag from among the stack he had set down beside the TV. The smells it emanated immediately set his parched mouth to watering. " _Thanks."_

By the time he had pulled out the large fry and two jumbo burgers stashed within, Rowen remembered his dire request for a hot caffeinated beverage. He glanced back up and raised an eyebrow at Cye as the latter returned from trip two to the minivan. " _You didn't forget the coffee, did you?"_

He lifted the twin to-go trays of cups in his hands indicatively. " _Of course not, with having to wake_ you _up."_

The lighthearted banter was already starting to help him feel a little more normal. He accepted the hot-sleeved cup with another chuckle, just as blankets shifted on the second mattress.

Movement and sound roused Tessa to stir, which she confirmed by sitting up. Rowen still wasn't able to put a finger on why seeing her in that white dress—now spotted with flecks of blood—elicited an uneasy response in him. It probably had to do less with the fact it was the most flattering thing he'd seen her wear yet, and more with the air of cult energy that lingered around it.

A lingering reminder of recent events.

He tore his eyes away the instant they landed on the largest bloodstain, below the wound Sage had closed.

After a few moments to let her get her bearings, Cye carefully sat beside her on the edge of the bed. " _I brought food for you, if you're hungry, Tessa."_

She perked up, Akatsuki a little less loud than previous occasions in transmitting how pleased she was with the prospect of food. " _Ooooooh. You're the best, Cye! What'd you get?"_

The pang of jealousy that he hadn't been greeted like that took Rowen by surprise. He nearly scalded his tongue on a sip of coffee to distract himself from it.

" _The same order you got in Canada,"_ Cye had said in the meantime, handing her a smaller bag than Rowen's.

" _Perfeeeect~!"_ she sing-songed, peeking into it at the contents.

He set what was presumably her drink order on the nightstand. " _How are you feeling, other than hungry?"_

" _Tired. A bit sore, but not bad."_ Tessa blinked, appraised her appearance, and then wrinkled her nose. " _Probably about time to get out of this damn thing."_

Rowen had been watching the exchange so closely he had almost forgotten about Rekka. Ryo tugged out her suitcase from the stack of them on the other side of the TV stand, setting it at the foot of her bed. " _Everything you had packed should still be in here."_

She threw her arms over her head with enthusiasm only slightly tempered by grogginess. "Yay!"

Rowen helplessly watched his heart tumble off a cliff.

Once she had a clean set of clothes in hand, she abandoned her burger to go change in the bathroom. Kento awoke shortly after, Ryo handing him his stuffed-to-the-brim paper bag as he asked, " _Where's Tessa?"_ Suiko indicated the closed door; Kongo moved to his next question, more softly this time. " _How is she?"_

" _Seems fine,"_ Ryo supplied. " _Quite chipper, even."_

The yoroi all shared the same unspoken sentiment—that they could only hope Alexa would mirror her twin's resiliency.

She emerged minutes later to silence as everyone who was now conscious busily dug into their food. When she wasted no time joining them, and polished off a whole burger in record time, Ryo shot him a raised eyebrow. _"A girl after your own heart there, Rowen."_

Tenku glared at Rekka. " _Are you sure you didn't mean Kento?"_

His childhood friend completely ignored (or simply didn't notice) his jab, to his annoyance.

"We haven't had a chance to call your dad and tell him you're okay, yet," Kongo instead said to Tessa.

"Oh!" Her eyes scanned the room as she swallowed a bite, brow creasing slightly. "I…guess I can call him when I'm done eating."

Cye wordlessly dug out her purse that they had stashed among the suitcases and gently lobbed it toward her. Tessa brightened upon seeing it, quickly digging out her phone and charger. She plugged them in and was immediately lost to the rest of the world as she perused the device, presumably catching up on whatever she had missed in the past two days.

Rowen's stomach mostly distracted him from any further musings along those lines, thankfully…

Until she balled up her empty wrappers and dropped them in the half-full trash bin on her way toward the door. "Okay, gonna go call Dad now. I'll be right back."

Rowen wasn't the only one to immediately find himself watching her like a hawk. Ryo beat him to the question, "Where are you going?"

Tessa paused at the half-concealed strain in Rekka's voice, glancing around and seeming to notice how on edge her otherwise innocuous statement had made them all. A little guiltily, she reassured, "Just…outside. I'll be right by the door, I promise."

All Rowen could think about was how last time they had let her out of their sight, it had led to her nearly dying. The memories caused his words to stick in his throat; Cye was the one, instead, to say quietly, "It might not be wise to be by yourself."

She glanced away from them, uncertainty softening the lines of her posture. Before he could fight past his paralysis and find something comforting to say, Kento spoke up. "I can go with you."

After a moment where Rowen thought she might try to protest again, she merely sighed. "Okay…"

That sound squeezed his heart with guilt. If he'd just been _smarter_ about everything, she wouldn't be hurting so much.

' _Why did Kaos have to drag them into this? This is our fight, our burden.'_

He tried not to think how without her, Rowen would have been utterly lost in the compound.

Tessa and Kento stepped outside; at the same time, Cye rose and tossed his own trash. The movement caught Rowen's attention, especially since Suiko retrieved his med kit and started vitals checks on the two Bearers still sound asleep. Ryo followed at a look from the EMT, helping Cye to prop Alexa up while the former began his work.

Rowen withdrew into his thoughts and tuned out once Cye had slid a thermometer between Alexa's teeth. He knew he would probably spend at least a few nights up on the Schildneckts' roof once they returned—but for now all he could do was wallow in his own mind.

The fact that Tenku kept straying to Akatsuki's presence only a handful of feet from him didn't help matters any, either.

Minutes trickled by like hours, and still the same dreary silence permeated the hotel room—broken only by low conversations between the other Ronin and Tessa. The sluggishness to their movements and mannerisms was something that Rowen actually _noticed_ , this time. They hadn't been this exhausted and troubled since the War; even in the rough patch where they struggled to keep the band together, there hadn't been such an air of hopelessness to match that of their prolonged battle with Arago's villainy.

Despite this realization, Strata kept to himself. Even Cye's and Ryo's movements, then Kento's and Tessa's when they returned, didn't prompt Rowen to move from the little corner of the mattress he'd taken up beside Sage. All his focus had turned inward, eyes seeing but not registering as the EMT checked Alexa's wounds and snipped part of her stitches loose.

Another explanation for the subdued atmosphere finally occurred to him: This was the first time they had used Kikoutei since the War ended. While as teens it had certainly been enough to wear on their system, and while the drain had eventually become tolerable, six years was a long time to forget how taxing it was. That wasn't even allowing for the _amount_ of energy they had expended to shatter the barrier.

And the fact it had taken him _this long_ to actually register that significance spoke volumes. Normally, that would have been something he immediately recognized.

Now, Rowen only hoped they wouldn't be forced to use it a _second_ time…at least, not anytime _soon_. The Ronin definitely needed their rest just as much as the twins, after all this.

Sage stirring changed the mood, thankfully. Rowen shifted—leaning against the headboard and resting his hand over Sage's—as Cye relocated the trauma kit to their bedside, allowing him and his tools more space. Suiko stroked the blond's hair cautiously but tenderly, the yoroi's energy loosely flowing around him but not yet drawn into subarmor that would protect him from the potential that Kourin struck out involuntarily. "Wake up, Seiji-kun."

Fortunately for Cye and Rowen, Sage only groaned and rolled onto his back. Lilac eyes blinked blearily at the ceiling, before turning to find first Suiko and then Tenku. He exhaled, Kourin resigned to the necessity of a wellness check, and slowly attempted to sit up.

Rowen assisted, drawing his brother-in-arms back until he could lean against the blue-haired Ronin. Sage immediately relaxed, eyes closing again and fingers tightening around the little azure yoroi orb when he realized it was there. Rowen watched sorrowfully as the kendoka turned his face into Rowen's shoulder, hiding from the onslaught of sensations from a world he was too exhausted to engage with, just yet.

A wave of emotion nearly spilled out of Rowen's confining shields. It pained him more than he could say to see the otherwise vibrant and strong man reduced to this. What hurt _most_ was knowing how much he had exponentially contributed to that.

' _Why couldn't I have just_ waited _for them?'_

Cye wordlessly held up the stethoscope in Rowen's direction, breaking his train of thought. They had been through this before; Tenku silently extended his free hand to gauge the metal's temperature against his own skin. Once satisfied, he nodded, and Cye moved on to checking Sage's vitals.

Tenku and Kourin communicated in more than words, throughout. While they had already traded relief and apologies when Sekhmet first brought Rowen back to the hotel, it had been so overwhelmingly raw and overshadowed by the next task at hand that they had had little time to really settle the emotions.

But it didn't matter who else was around—they were both just glad to have it over with. …For now.

" _Are you sure you're alright?"_

Rowen tried not to shift uneasily, double checking the shield around his jumbled emotions. " _Just tired. I'll be fine."_

Sage leaned against him a bit more, seeking reassurance. " _I didn't miss anything, did I?"_

Shaking his head, Tenku recapped, " _Tessa woke up. Called her dad to say we're okay. Everyone's…doing the same as you—resting."_

His chuckle was small, quiet. " _I meant your burns."_

It took him a second of confused blinking to figure out Kourin's meaning. " _Oh."_ He glanced down at his wrists. It was almost impossible for him to imagine what they must have looked like, since he'd only been unconscious when they had been marked by the silk bindings. If it weren't for the guys telling him they'd had to be healed, he wouldn't have suspected a thing. " _Nope. Clear as the day I was born."_

He _almost_ couldn't catch the wash of guilt surging against his mental shields. How had Rowen gotten away with mere scratches he couldn't even remember, when Tessa now had to live with an ugly scar the rest of her life?

Sage's fingers laced through his, the worry in his heart drawing Tenku back to earth. Violet eyes cracked open to try and see for himself if what Rowen said was true. " _You're not just saying all that because I'm tired, are you?"_

The archer squeezed his friend's hand reassuringly. " _No. I'm fine…really."_ He paused. " _Arigato, niisan."_

" _Iie, tondemo arimasen, Touma."_

Before Rowen could retort to Sage about deflecting proper credit when it was due, Cye finished his once-over. "Physically, you're fine," he reported, looping the stethoscope over his neck. He carefully sat on the edge of the mattress, a kind hand on Sage's knee. "How's the rest?"

Sage pushed himself slightly more upright, still relying on Rowen's support to do so. "Tired. _Starving_."

Cye managed a small smile. "Those healings took a lot out of you. I doubt that was just your medication."

He merely nodded—then, after a pause, asked, "How's Alexa?"

"Her wounds are still healing. I was able to cut out a few stitches."

Shock was too strong an emotion for Sage to hide, right then. "You were?"

Suiko nodded. "It would appear Kourin helps beyond its immediate use." The brunet softened, casting his eyes slightly down. "She's also experiencing hypoglycaemic shock, right now. She's doing better since I've given her juice, though."

When Sage moved as if to rise, the older Ronin laid a hand on his arm to stop him. "There's nothing you need to do. So long as we keep her blood sugar up, she'll be fine."

His eyes reflected heartbreak that he couldn't do anything to ease her hardship. Instead, he turned toward Tessa. "And you?"

She startled the slightest bit, not quite having expected the focus to move to her. A soft smile quickly shook that off. "Better, thanks to you." Taking a breath, she hopped off the bed and offered a half-bow toward him. "Thank you, for helping Alexa. And I know you're going to say you would have done it regardless, b-but it…means a lot to me, that you were there to help her when I couldn't be…" With a glance around at the group, she added, "That goes for _all_ of you, actually. Thank you, _so_ much. We're so indebted to you all I…can't even think how to possibly repay you."

Despite directing her words to all of them, they respectfully waited for Sage's response first. He smiled warmly, managing to sit away from Rowen slightly in order to offer Akatsuki a hug. Tessa unhesitatingly returned both gestures, as he replied, "Family's debts don't need to be repaid, and you are my sister."

As happy as the scene made him, Rowen couldn't help feeling yet another needle in his heart. Family wasn't a concept Sage took lightly—it was why the two calling each other brother had such powerful meaning. And now, he was accepting Tessa into the same status, one that meant he would protect her interests as if they were his own.

To Rowen, it was just one more compelling reason to give up pursuing her.

A mouthful of his cold coffee left only a bitter taste behind.

Cye had long left and returned yet again with Sage's dinner before Alexa finally woke, hours later. Cautious relief and chuckles met her announcement of a healthy appetite; but once Suiko brought her the results of a third food run, the focus shifted to piecing together exactly what the _hell_ had just happened.

And yet, as fascinating as Alexa's side of the story promised to be, Rowen only listened with one ear. His mind latched onto something Tessa had said in the midst of the conversation—how Michael likely saw _him_ as directly responsible for everything that had happened. That _voice_ echoed in his head as if he were still standing right beside the Ronin.

" _You demon!"_

" _You're the one who shot her!"_

No, he hadn't—but he _could_ have. Her version, her memory of the events flashed through his mind, again: the way Tenku had _burned_ with a dark aura; the viciousness he'd displayed; the sheer power he hadn't been able to control. That arrow he'd shot had surely freed her from the Guardian, yes; but it hadn't vanished quickly enough to prevent them using it against him.

Only once it had pierced her side. Only when it would cause her to bleed out _faster_.

That kind of peril wouldn't just disappear because he wanted it to. No matter how much he liked it or not, he was a Ronin for life—or at least until the yoroi passed to another Bearer, whether because of his death or some other event they couldn't anticipate yet. There was so _little_ they truly knew about these armors, after all…

Part of Rowen knew he was dwelling on all this for far too long. But it was just what his mind did. He had been born thinking, as his mother liked to say. It was both a curse and a blessing.

His hand tightened with angry hopelessness around his paper coffee cup. He hoped the faint crumpling sounds didn't draw undue attention.

"After I was done talking to the kids… Michael attacked me. I broke his ribs so he could know what it feels like," Alexa was saying, as he forced himself to actually register the discussion. She laughed, notes of bitterness behind the sound. "They always did talk about how everything you dished out would come back seven times to bite you. Don't think he was expecting it so quick.

"We were nearly out when my mom came back. And Cale… tried to hold me against him so _he_ could take her blade instead of me, but once he got hurt I moved away from him and she trapped me and…" A curtain of hair hid her face, fingers curling in the comforter. "I'm so sorry."

Tessa had wrapped one arm around her, sometime in the conversation; she added the other one to make a full hug, shaking her head. "No, sis… If anything, _I'm_ sorry. I should've listened to you…"

Rowen almost audibly sighed, running his fingers through uncombed locks. Was _everything_ going to remind him of his shortcomings, today? The echo of his own sentiments in Tessa's words was ironically uncanny.

The older sister smiled, flicking the younger under her chin. "You're too stubborn for your own good and I love you for it."

Sage nudged Rowen with an elbow. The warm smile, though shadowed by exhaustion, reminded Tenku why those words resonated with Kourin.

Apparently, he hadn't been the only one to see similarities with the young women.

The solidarity lifted his spirits only somewhat, however—and what frustrated him the most about it was that he didn't even understand _why_ he felt so low. Rowen had already parsed through everything he had done wrong with a fine-toothed comb, had already resolved to face the consequences for that, had already resigned himself to having forfeited any chance with Tessa since she had surely lost all trust in him after this. Usually thinking through everything bouncing around in his brain helped him feel more clear-headed than this.

So what the hell was still _wrong_?

It didn't stop bugging him from the time he realized it while they packed all their things in the van, to the time they stopped for a late lunch—dinner, really—somewhere in Pennsylvania. It wouldn't even have let up then if it weren't for Kento striking up a conversation once they'd resumed their trip south.

" _Hey, bookworm, you look like someone burned your favorite novel. What gives?"_

…Kento hadn't called him bookworm—except in jest—for years.

He sighed, not taking his eyes off the dark landscape outside his window. " _I… Ken-niisan, I_ really _messed up this time."_

Kongo translated the compassion he knew would be in Kento's eyes. " _Hey, can't be nearly as bad as that time I hit Sage with a_ gan tessai _. Or that time I couldn't call up Kongo because Dais had messed with my head. You name it, I've probably screwed it up."_

As well-meaning as the self-deprecating humor was, Rowen just closed his eyes tiredly. " _You didn't almost get an innocent person killed. You saw Tessa's armor—it's paper thin compared to ours."_

" _But Sage did, remember? Mia and Yuli in the subway? Or Mia, before that, when they went to wake me up?"_ He paused thoughtfully. " _Come to think of it, it's pretty much a miracle we_ didn't _get either of them killed, or anyone else really for that matter."_

At feeling a hand on his arm, Rowen looked over to the second captain's chair and met slate-grey eyes darkened by the dim vehicle interior. " _You don't have the corner on the screw-up market, bro. I could name a dozen and more times we_ all _did something stupid and reckless. Just because you're a certifiable genius doesn't mean you're immune to it, or that it's the end of the world."_

He grit his teeth against that reasoning. " _That doesn't change the fact it happened, though._ "

The near-crushing sense from Kongo for Tenku to just _listen_ grew almost suffocating in its insistence. But it served its purpose, dragging him just far enough out of his emotions to actually hear Kento's meaning. " _Rowen, remember what Alexa said about those seals? Well, I asked her more about them. She said one of the side effects is that you're gonna feel things_ way _more intensely for a bit."_

He paused to let that sink in. Again, it took longer than it should have—but it did eventually click. Rowen's jaw hung a little looser at the revelation. When Kento saw that look, he grinned and reached up to ruffle his dark blue hair. " _Give yourself a break, okay? Things turned out alright. We got her back, we learned some stuff, and everybody's gonna be fine."_

Any relief he felt at finally understanding why he had been struggling all day vanished like a puff of smoke. Clenching his fists, he growled back, " _But I_ couldn't _control myself, Kento. It's like I said—I was helpless to do anything, trapped in my own mind. I allowed the yoroi to turn on fellow human beings. I didn't even know I_ didn't _shoot Tessa myself. So how…how…"_

A droplet hitting his skin surprised him. He stared down at his lap as two more joined the first.

Tears. They were teardrops.

Kongo grounded Tenku again, giving him a steady presence to lean on. " _We all know how you feel about her, Touma. After all, you don't lose your head like that over nothing. But you're not the one getting all her questions asking if_ you're _okay."_

Rowen immediately balked at the notion. He stared disbelievingly at Kento. " _What?"_

" _She's been asking about you. If you're okay."_ His friend leveled a look at him that implied just how oblivious Rowen could be even without his nose in a book. " _She didn't want to crowd you with all her worries, since you were kinda giving off the 'leave me alone' vibes."_

He…didn't actually know what to do with that information. A trail of moisture down his cheek prompted him to turn toward the window again, simply letting it turn over in his mind. Kento recognized the motion for what it was and withdrew—though only far enough to respect his privacy.

Rowen's resolution to quietly drop his uncharacteristic infatuation wavered in light of the thought that Tessa could possibly still care about him. Just hours ago that had hardly felt like it mattered; he couldn't ask her to risk yesterday's events reoccurring. _He_ didn't know if he could stand to watch her hurt like that ever again, despite his rational mind telling him it was inevitable.

But…she, too, was burdened in the same way as him.

Those terrified moments in the dark closet with her came to mind. He had been too focused to notice, but the emotions were all there in his memory—the fire of a warrior's spirit in her eyes and the concern for his well-being in her tone.

Still, they had been before Tenku revealed its bloodthirsty heart, and could be explained by other reasons.

Yet another memory sprang to the forefront of his thoughts then—the way she had run to meet him and held him tightly, after Sekhmet teleported her out of the compound. If his losing control were all it took to forfeit her trust…wouldn't she have shied away instead?

Kourin drew Tenku into its comforting bubble, Sage's smooth voice velvety soft. " _Touma-kun, it's alright. Remember how terrified I was Yuli would lose respect for me when he found out I was traumatized? How convinced I was? And he didn't. If anything, his respect for me increased."_

" _You're not a monster anymore than I am, Ro,"_ Kento echoed.

Rowen slowly inhaled, methodically sliding the back of his hand across his skin to remove the evidence of his tears. While it didn't necessarily change the yawning emptiness in his chest, or the moisture in his eyes, they _were_ right. He wasn't any less of a warrior for an impassioned mistake; so he wasn't any less of a person because of his inability to control something inherently non-human.

" _Arigato,"_ he murmured to them.

Kento's fist thumping into his arm with slightly more force than necessary jostled the last of the lingering clouds from his superficial senses. " _Don't mention it, bro. Just do me a favor and stop waiting to tell her how you feel, 'kay?"_ he quipped teasingly.

He managed the smallest warm smile at that, before tipping his head back and sliding into a light slumber.


	24. Chapter 24

**Warnings:** parental abuse/neglect, suicide attempt mention, stalking, self victim blame

* * *

 _Chapter 24_

—0—

Cye let Sage and Kento handle Rowen's emotions— he could brood as intensely as Ryo when he wanted to, and the seals breaking didn't help. Nagging thoughts it was some sort of trigger on Rowen's part ate away at mental space, but Cye had a far more pressing matter, one that weighed heavier on his mind even as he navigated unfamiliar roads back to Virginia.

He had to get his _own_ anger under control before he even considered talking to anyone.

Alexa's bright red skin had brought latex-free bandages out faster than he could say "allergy." It was a _pronounced_ allergy, on top of it, something she had to have known about. But the fact it was serious and neither of the girls had thought to bring it up did not bode well.

The thought _that woman_ had neglected such a basic part of allergy testing made him want to tear into her before the police could find her.

" _Damn, Cye, you haven't been this mad since— ever."_ Ryo glanced over from his position in the front seat. " _What did their mom_ do _?"_

Cye took a breath. " _Made it Alexa_ could have been hurt _if she received certain kinds of emergency medical attention. That's what a severe latex allergy could do. And for how Derrick had latex in his kit, that's more likely than I'd think."_

Rekka remained a shocked void, unable to truly process that. "… _you're serious. Alexa could've…"_

Explaining the process behind this was helping him slip back into his medical persona. " _Allergic reactions are worse during surgery, because there isn't a skin barrier protecting you. If she had required emergency surgery and they used latex gloves, it could have been a complication."_

" _Could she have… died?"_

Cye took a breath, finally getting off the ledge. " _If it's just latex… unlikely. It_ can _be fatal, but it's rare. But if she has any other allergies we don't know about… who knows."_

Now Rekka _burned_. " _We need to find out."_

Cye nodded, finally confident in himself to reach out to Kure. " _Did you know you have a latex allergy?"_

Alexa's surprised blink gave him that answer. " _What makes you say that?"_

Suiko drew attention to her chest wound. " _When I removed your bandages, the surface under the medical tape was red and irritated. It wasn't normal."_

She frowned. " _It's not?"_

He shook his head, anger coming back that she didn't know. " _Not in the slightest. Have you ever had a problem with bandages?"_

She chuckled. " _I hate wearing them. They always itch. I discovered liquid bandage and it's the best thing ever."_

" _That itchiness is a latex allergy."_ He tried to take the sting out of his words, taking another breath to calm down. " _Tessa mentioned she has a mild one. It would appear yours is moderate, but I can't say for sure with such a small sample."_

" _Oh…"_

The sheer _heartbreak_ in her words twisted his emotions back towards taking care of others. He softened considerably. " _Do you experience pain, tenderness, or itchiness with anything else?"_

She thought for a moment. " _Does feeling like my skin is burning when I touch memory foam count?"_

He took a deep breath to remain soft, grip tightening on the steering wheel. " _It most certainly does."_

Another pause, this one more afraid. " _What about… your face swelling after the dentist cleaned your retainer?"_

"What _?"_

And she hadn't known about a _latex_ allergy?

Kure shifted uncomfortably in the questioning, and his outburst. " _When I had my retainer, they cleaned it, and it had been hurting_ really bad _before that, and it hurt even worse after, and half my face had swollen when I wore it, and the best guess was an allergy to the cleaner. My mom insisted I'd either had a growth spurt, which the dentist said was impossible but she insisted was, or was allergic to their cleaning products. She… never followed up…"_

He didn't know much about dentistry, but he knew medical plastics and dental plastics were very similar in composition. If she had reacted so poorly to a _topical_ treatment of plastic… " _You need to get tested for an allergy to plastics, so it's on your medical record."_

He had no idea if _plastics_ allergies could be fatal, but the knot in his chest didn't want to unwind.

Despite any attempt at controlling his emotions, she became mouse-quiet at the heat in his voice. " _Okay."_

" _I'm sorry,"_ he said, attempting to maintain level with Suiko. " _I'm not angry at you. I'm angry your mother for her neglect."_

She swallowed. " _I… should've followed up on it. I just. Never thought it was worth it, or that it was… anything worth looking into."_ Her pause was hesitation, Kure trying to push something out but failing for long moments. " _I'd… get blisters with my phone case rubbing against my finger, so I just stopped using phone cases. And screen protectors always felt sticky and made my fingertips hurt after using them a lot, so I didn't get one again. Could… that also be… an allergy?"_

He let more anger— rage, at this point— rise and fall like a tide far away from his connection with her. " _That sounds like contact dermatitis to me."_

Her thoughts zipped through a few possibilities. " _I don't want to tell Dad."_

He hoped his disappointment wasn't too evident; an older, more established medical professional's advice would be invaluable for something like this. " _You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to."_

" _He'd just get angry at me,"_ she murmured. " _For not. Taking care of myself."_

The words 'like you' hung between them, unsaid but felt. Cye forced his hands to relax from the wheel and his shoulders to drop. " _From the sounds of it, you've taken care of yourself very well. You've avoided what causes you pain."_

Kure kept evaluating him, trying to see if it was a trap. " _You just said I needed to get tested."_

He nodded. " _So if you ever end up in hospital, they can know what to safely use on you. Allergic reactions are more severe when you're weakened, if plastic is inserted into your body, or during surgery."_

That had her burrowing against Kourin. Sage smoothed down her worries without asking what they were, and Suiko disengaged from continuing the conversation with reassurance it was alright. He hadn't meant to push her to another panic attack, but now all he could do was say he didn't blame her for being afraid.

Once he'd pulled back from Kure, once that wall was established, he let rage _consume_ him. His muscles tensed like he _should_ throw a punch. His foot pressed down on the gas before he was able to restrain himself.

He was back to not wanting to give the police a chance to find her before _he_ did.

Rekka drew off some of the storm. " _What'd she say?"_

He shook his head. " _I can't give details but— her_ mother _!"_

" _Is this gonna make us want to punch her more than we already do?"_ Kento added on, his conversation with Rowen winding down.

Ryo gave a humourless smirk. " _If it made_ Cye _want to punch her worse than he did ten minutes ago, I think that's a safe bet."_

He took a breath. " _Alexa likely has moderate to_ severe _contact dermatitis to plastics as a whole, not just latex, and despite at least one instance that happened while she lived with her mother, one that could be life threatening if it's not on her medical records, she had no idea she even_ had _an allergy."_

The horrified silence that followed quickly turned to anger. It took hold of all of them before draining away through a sewer grate.

" _I'm getting tired of being angry at everything."_

Both Kento and Cye nodded to Ryo's statement. Cye shifted in his seat and raked a hand through his hair. " _We should tell the Canadian police we have an idea where Deborah is. She's likely left by now, but it might help the investigation."_

Let the police protect her from the Ronin, so she could still get punished.

Ryo shook his head. " _What're we going to tell them? That we tracked down a magic-based kidnapping, and by the way the lightning in a cloudless sky and giant fireball locals saw was our yoroi?"_

Cye exhaled. " _It can always be an anonymous tip…"_

Kento agreed with that, but otherwise changed the topic. " _I've got another question… what're we going to do about them?"_

Kongo drew their attention to the back bench, where Sage and Alexa were leaning against each other. He had an arm around her and Tessa, who was sleeping against her sister's shoulder, his other hand holding Alexa's. Both of them had closed off, other than Kourin's comfort of Tenku.

All four of them had just been through the youjakai— literally and figuratively. Rowen was still wiping away his tears, Sage's grip of Alexa's hand was too tight, and Alexa was retreated back into herself, not allowing anyone but Kourin and Akatsuki close. Tessa appeared alright at first glance, but there had been so much going on, it was impossible to say.

" _At least they have each other,"_ Cye said softly. " _It's not like…"_

None of them wanted to think back to Sage's suicide attempt, where he had been struggling so overtly and none of them had been able to truly relate. Had truly been able to see the signs. They _still_ couldn't relate, but now Sage had somebody who had some idea. They were all stronger than they had been. They knew what to look for, what Sage's warnings were, and Sage would be better able to see Alexa's.

That didn't stop them from being afraid they were about to repeat what had happened six years ago.

Ryo tipped his head back. " _I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight."_

" _At least rest,"_ Cye replied. " _The five of us will be in the same room, so you don't have to worry about us."_

Kongo went over the group again, grounding everyone. " _Even… if Alexa wants to, I don't know if she'd risk it tonight."_

Cye glanced back at the rearview mirror. Alexa's breathing had slowed, her eyes shut. Sage's grip had released slightly, Kourin muted in uneasy unconsciousness. Rowen wasn't very far behind, Tenku not quite asleep but not alert, either. " _None of them have the energy."_

Ryo rubbed his face. " _Doesn't stop me from worrying about tomorrow."_

" _I think we all are."_

Kento was determined to not let _that_ be the only conversation. " _I told loverboy over here to tell Tessa how he feels. It's only as obvious as the sun in the heavens."_

That broke some tension. Ryo twisted in his seat to look back. "… _Is Sage really holding Alexa's hand?"_

Cye smiled. " _He was holding it tighter a few moments ago."_

" _Hey Kento, you did mean Rowen with that 'loverboy' comment, right?"_ Ryo returned to looking out at the road. " _I honestly hadn't quite believed Tessa before, when she said Sage had been different…but this is definitely more than just being worried about Alexa."_

Cye chuckled. " _The brothers in arms becoming brothers in law… it is interesting, how the two of them found matches first."_

Kongo punched Suiko in the shoulder. " _Just need to get_ you _a match there."_

Cye shoved Kento back. " _Leaders first, then we can worry about me."_

" _Hey what about Kento?"_ Ryo shot back. " _He's got that big family he's the oldest of. Maybe we should help_ him _out next."_

Kento returned the tease. " _Yeah, besides, Ryo only has eyes for White Blaze. He's hopeless."_

They all dissolved into laughter, Cye relieved his prospective match was still a secret for now. He didn't want the others knowing until it was final— he had told Sage and sworn him to secrecy, if only to relieve the younger Ronin's fears of matchmaking. While Cye felt good about the girl his family had chosen, he still barely knew her and hadn't finalized anything yet.

He had owed her a date this summer. He couldn't ease the nagging guilt she likely wouldn't get one. Both of them were in the sciences and almost never had time during the school year.

But if she didn't understand the love he had for his friends… they would never work.

That was only marginal comfort.

The mirth died down after a few moments, more back and forth over who was the _most_ hopeless eligible bachelor in the world of romance fading to silence.

Only for Ryo to break it. " _Is Alexa even single?"_

It dawned on them they had no idea. Cye bit the inside of his lip. " _We've only known them for two weeks,_ if _that."_

" _We should ask her tomorrow,"_ Kento said. A devilish glint in his eye coloured his words. " _When Sage is around."_

They all agreed to that with various tones of amusement. Cye, meanwhile, couldn't help but wonder if Sage would appreciate this much meddling. He hadn't told the others about his loneliness or fears at never finding somebody he loved as much as Rowen, or how almost every date he went on turned to realizing they didn't love _him_ , but instead an idea of him based on his public persona. Even his relationship with Yūsei, which had run deep and strong, had been broken by Sage's rather public life; most people didn't want to vacate their privacy the way Sage had.

He also hadn't told anyone outside of the group he was suicidal, except for Alexa and Tessa. Already that established them closer, but that _had_ triggered Sage. He felt exposed enough as it was.

Would pushing them together push him over the edge?

He took a breath. " _I think that's all we should do. Sage is… private, and you know how much he dislikes comments about his affairs."_

" _Damn. You're right."_ Kento jerked his head towards Rowen, bound and determined to not let gloom settle again. " _Guess I'll have to be happy with getting those two together."_

They all fell into exhausted quiet, Kikoutei's drain still felt. They probably should've spent the night in a different motel, instead of driving straight back, but they had all decided it would be more reassuring to everyone— including Derrick— to minimize their time away. There was also Kento's point about the house's safety; as risky as it was to return, they now had confirmation the cult knew where Derrick lived. He needed protecting as much as the girls, perhaps moreso.

It was well after dark by the time they finally pulled into the gravel driveway they had left so suddenly two days before. The porch light went on immediately, Derrick and his wife Liv coming out of the house just as Cye turned off the engine.

Rowen woke up once movement stopped, dragging a hand over his face to get himself alert. Once he was, he went to the back to wake Sage up; Tessa stirred moments later from the movement and noise of the car unpacking.

A solid wash of _fear_ indicated Alexa had woken up, as well.

The three of them stayed at the back of the van, Ryo and Kento going to move suitcases inside the house and Cye near the group in case there was something medically wrong. Then he stayed to make sure he could be a buffer between her and the outside.

She was terrified of facing her father again.

Sage slid his hand from hers to up her arm, letting her curl up against him. " _Do you want me to carry you out, so you can pretend to be asleep?"_

She hesitated, seeming to like the idea, except for unknown reasons she couldn't verbalize.

Cye took a guess at what it was. " _We won't tell him about any of your injuries until you're ready to."_

Kure indicated her chest, exposed from her shirt's neckline and how her hoodie _could_ shift to expose it. Without a pause, Rowen took off his own sweater and draped it over her. " _We'll just say you got cold on the ride down."_

That got her to laugh, however lightly, as she wrapped it around herself. " _I get cold all the time, so…"_

He reached out and very lightly ruffled her hair, hardly putting a strand out of place. " _So do I."_

Cye left the car and walked around the vehicle just in time for Tessa to leave, Rowen catching her as she stumbled out of the door; it was easy to mistake the gesture for a hug, the way she had landed against his chest and his arms steadying her. Almost immediately after she was wrapped up in her parents' embrace, Rowen an afterthought still lingering to make sure she was safe. Cye paused on the outskirts of the family gathering, glad the worst was over. It reminded him of Yuli finally seeing his parents again, after the War.

"Are you _sure_ you're not hurt?" Derrick asked.

Tessa nodded into his chest. "'M fine, Dad. Glad to be _home_ …"

They all moved aside when Sage emerged, Alexa secure in his arms and her hands with a death-grip on the sweater now pulled up to her chin. Derrick stroked her hair; she hid her flinch by burrowing deeper into Sage's shoulder. Kourin, Akatsuki, and Tenku insulated her from the outside world, Sage speaking to draw attention away from her. "She fell asleep on the ride down. We didn't want to wake her up."

Derrick nodded and pulled back, accepting the answer. "She's okay?"

"Yes," Sage said softly. "She's alright."

For somebody who preferred the truth, Sage lied well. Even though this technically wasn't a true lie— Alexa _was_ alright, just not in the way her father thought— it was still farther from the truth than even Sage would consider acceptable. Cye didn't want to think about _why_ he was such a good liar, especially to an older male figure.

They carried her inside, Cye, Rowen, and Sage lingering behind in the girls' room. Cye only hoped Derrick didn't decide to check up on the girls while Cye changed Alexa's bandages.

But first, the wash of fear she had first experienced in the car needed to escape the dam she had put it in.

Cye's heart only bruised further at hearing what she said, clinging to her sister and _sobbing_. How she hadn't even truly been allowed to be injured around her mother, not without overbearing treatments and being blamed for causing the problem by not behaving correctly, by not paying attention. Sage stroked her back, able to offer some comfort from experience, which just made her cry harder. Rowen stayed beside his brother; wordless support to the man who was so triggered, Cye could see it on his face. His mask was cracking. He didn't have much longer.

"You're safe," Tessa murmured. "It's okay. He won't hurt you."

That barely helped. Still, Cye waited for Alexa to calm completely before working on her bandages, cutting a few more stitches in the process. Now Sage got to see Kourin's effects, the relief he had done better than he'd initially thought a much-needed balm for his insecurity.

Especially since what skin had healed completely was a scar. Unavoidable for wounds this deep, even with magic, but all they did was act as a reminder of other scars Kourin had left behind.

They left the girls alone once Alexa's bandages were clean, Cye taking them with him so it would be in their room's trash instead of Tessa's. Sage and Rowen wanted to linger, but the late night and need to get to bed outweighed any possibility of staying. At least Alexa would have her medication, now, and be able to at the very least rest. Cye wondered if she would be able to do more than that.

Once behind _their_ closed door, Sage rubbed his face, sounding more like he was reassuring himself. "I'm glad she's better than she was."

Rowen wrapped him in a hug, Ryo, Kento, and Cye following. Rekka's warmth bolstered the dullness in Kourin. "She's better thanks to you. Remember that."

Sage nodded. "I just want to sleep…"

Almost all of them did. Rowen appeared like he wanted to go outside, but one look at Sage still desperate for him and he recanted. The others gave them privacy in the connection, Tenku and Kourin meshing together and both of them going off in their own world. The world where Sage didn't have to be the hero, the sensei, the second in command. The world where he could pretend the man in his arms was his.

Ryo dragged a sleeping bag over to near the door, so he could listen should the girls leave their room during the night. Cye and Kento found themselves gravitating towards each other, the weight of supporting everyone growing heavy. They left the air mattress for Sage and Rowen, but still squished together in a single bunk. They were the calm ones, supposed to be the calm ones, but this event had pushed them to the brink. And now they had to consider even worse possibilities.

They could handle it, though. They'd only grown stronger since the War, and had spent the past six years learning how to be friends. Their yoroi got stronger the more connected they were, and he dared anyone to rip them apart now.

They wouldn't let the past repeat. Not now, not ever.

—T—

I could almost forget the new scar on my side and everything that had happened to cause it.

Until my fingers brushed over the knotted skin, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror on the back of my door.

I almost involuntarily paused, PJ shirt still encasing my arms. Something in the back of my mind told me it shouldn't be so startling; but considering how I hadn't really had a chance to study it in all the hustle and bustle of travel, of course it would.

Over all the mixed emotions that welled up, the only ones I could make coherent were how this was Michael's fault…but now it would forever be a part of my history.

' _A history written in blood,'_ I snorted ironically.

The memory replayed unbidden, indistinct flashes of sound and feeling. Trying to force it under my control, I focused on slowly pulling my shirt the rest of the way off my arms. Pressing a hand to the taut white skin drew an ache like a day-old bruise, despite having fully healed thanks to Sage and Halo. But Dawn sensed no trace of cultic energy, and my breathing no longer labored or strained as it had before.

All as if nothing had happened…except for the scar.

Sheets rustled behind me; in the mirror, I watched my sister sit up. She paused for long moments, eyes fixed on me. "Is that… it?"

It occurred to me now that I didn't really know yet how everyone _else_ felt about what happened. My own recollection or knowledge of it was scattered puzzle pieces of a few major events. Even after talking things over in something resembling a Ronin Warriors council meeting, all I _knew_ were the faintest sketches of what everyone else had gone through.

I glanced away from Alexa, moving to my open suitcase to rummage for and tug on a clean shirt over my head. "Yeah…"

She got up, socked feet making no sound on the carpet as she came over to hug me tightly around the shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

When I couldn't quite properly hug her because of her hold, she shifted to accommodate the change. I sighed, tipping my head against hers wearily. "It's _not_ your fault. I screwed up telling you all to back off, trusting…trusting _him_ …"

Michael's name had become unexpectedly—disturbingly, almost—more difficult to speak, like barbed wire on my tongue.

Alexa chuckled dryly, sharply. "That's what abusers do, sis. They make themselves trustworthy." She exhaled loudly. "Even if it's not my fault, I still feel terrible it… _happened…_ "

I shook my head emphatically, counterarguments beginning to fire in my slowly waking up brain. "It…probably would have happened regardless. M—Mom will stop at nothing to have us both—have the armors. With… _him_ being my boyfriend, it was only a matter of ti—…"

All the air abruptly left my lungs as if I had been shot again.

"Oh God. _Dad_ …!"

They knew where I lived.

They had found us, just like Dad had feared.

But what if, instead of targeting _us_ , next time they decided to hit _him_ while we were distracted? What if they knew where he worked? How could we possibly protect him _and_ ourselves when we already couldn't handle the latter? What if Liv got caught in the crossfire?

Would we have to move?

I found myself guiltily thinking that it had been easier when they only knew where Alexa lived, when they had only been shadowy stalkers in the darkness of unrealistic possibility.

But I now had a scar that said otherwise.

"I… I know. Kento said we'd deal with it after we got you back…" Alexa said shakily. "I'm scared for him, too."

I hid my face against my sister's shoulder, wanting to comfort her just as much as I wanted the same for me. "When will this all just _stop_?"

Alexa tightened her embrace, Dusk emitting a low, protective growl. "I realized a long time ago it'll stop when Mom's dead. Now it might not stop till Michael's dead."

How had everything become so complicated? I'd travelled to Japan merely to study swordsmanship.

I hadn't thought I'd find a real life Sengoku-era masterclass in the topic.

Tears welled in the yawning cavern that was my emotions. I reciprocated Alexa's gesture, voice muffled by her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, sis…"

Her hand smoothed over my messy hair. "I promised myself I would protect you from it. That isn't going to stop. Not for a minute."

 _She_ was too vulnerable and heartbroken to take that on alone. I said as much. "But _I'm_ supposed to protect _you,_ too. You're… You're not… I can't let you do this by yourself." Sniffing and straightening again, I determinedly cuffed the moisture from my eyes. "I want to make them pay. I've wanted to for a long time, but now I _really_ want to."

Managing a small smile, she said, "I already made Michael pay for what he did." Her eyes dropped to where she knew my scar was, beneath the edge of my loose tank top. "Just. Wish I could've done _more_."

I glanced down, as well, fingers subconsciously brushing along the spot. The moment the arrow struck my side came back more clearly now, my brain parsing out things adrenaline had blurred. To my surprise, they mostly involved Rowen—watching his expression as the disorientation melted into surprise, then realization, then…utter mortification. Horror and pain painting his face like my blood on his hand.

I _had_ been getting better about bringing Dawn to heel; apparently, though, I still needed more practice. Alexa's halting words derailed my train of thought. "Sage… said it was unavoidable, deep down. We tried to talk Rowen out of it but he wouldn't listen. You wouldn't have listened, either. It just…hurts."

I steadied my hands on her shoulders and squeezed reassuringly, offering a small smile. "It's okay that it hurts. We can heal, and we will. The physical will of course be faster, but…we're gonna be okay. Everything turned out alright."

She audibly swallowed. "Except now we have to worry about Dad…"

"I'm sure if anyone knows how to fight them, it's him. He had to live with her when this all started, after all."

I told myself that was what she needed to hear. Secretly, though, I knew I needed it just as much.

Nodding shakily, she admitted, "I still don't want to face him after… everything I did…"

While that scarce context meant there would be more to discuss later—as much as I _burned_ to know what _else_ had happened that the others had left out of their stories—for now I gave her a gentle hug. "I'm sure he understands."

We stayed in the hug for a few moments before a soft knock at the door drew our attention, and us apart. "Rest well, girls?" Cye asked, as we gestured for him to come in.

"Well enough… You?"

He nodded. "Using Kikoutei ensures a deep sleep." Setting the trauma kit he carried—I recognized it as my father's, now that I had an attention span greater than a gnat—on the bed, he asked Alexa, "Do you want your bandages changed now?"

She merely nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed; I followed suit as Cye leaned over to start his work. Once the stitches were exposed, and after a moment of study, he said, "Looks like the healing has stopped impacting you. They might still heal at an accelerated rate, but it's not miraculous anymore."

Alexa exhaled. "No hiding them now…"

As much as I felt my father would probably not react as badly as my sister was likely imagining, I still couldn't stop feeling guilty how I had put her in this situation. Squirming a bit with the force of the emotions inside, I sighed quietly. "'M sorry, sis…"

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, tugging me against her side. "I can't be angry at you even if I tried."

" _She really_ wasn't _angry at you, even for a moment,"_ Cye said to me.

Even as I turned my face into Alexa's shoulder, I could feel the negative emotional spiral starting. Crestfallen, I pointed out, " _Still_ my _stupid fault for dragging everyone into this mess…"_

The medic gave me the telepathic impression of raising an eyebrow. " _I'm sure Alexa has said a similar thing about_ her _kidnapping."_

As Alexa released me and I drew back, I glanced to the side and down, away from his knowing sapphire eyes. " _Nobody else got_ hurt _because of that…"_

He hummed noncommittally as he began washing my sister's cuts. " _Physically, no, but mental wounds can be just as serious."_

Assuming he referred to the lashing I felt when first sensing the cult in Canada, I snorted bitterly. " _Rowen took the brunt of_ that _, too…"_

The sense of a headshake I got as he wiped skin dry said he wasn't backing down just yet. " _You had your world turned upside-down. Alexa had to face her worst nightmare. You got introduced to a nightmare. Those wounds are just as serious, and have all been because somebody else decided their desires were more important than yours."_

That only brought my ex-boyfriend to mind. Shoving that away, I muttered, " _Still isn't fair to you all."_ Glancing at Alexa, I added, " _Or her."_

" _I think that's a conversation you need to have with her, instead of me."_ Before I could retort yet again, he turned to my twin and verbally asked, "Do you need anything else?"

She rubbed her new bandages absently. "Is food ready?"

"Nearly. Kento was finishing a few things."

He paused while putting the supplies away, clearly waiting for her to ask a follow-up question. She swallowed. "Is dad up?"

Cye shook his head. "It's just Kento and I downstairs."

She looked down. "I think I'll. Stay up here until food's done."

I smiled as he gently rested a hand on her head. "Whatever you want. We're an armour call away."

The bubble of emotion in Dusk translated—after a moment's hesitation—into a thankful glomp. Cye chuckled faintly, returning the gesture as she clung to him for a little longer. Torrent reassured her that it was alright; Alexa drank it up like water to someone in a desert.

Once he had left, however, the uncertainty of our unfinished previous conversation returned. I stubbornly avoided restarting it, leaving Alexa to ask, "How're you taking all this?"

I…really didn't know how to answer that. What was I supposed to say? That I didn't even know where to start untangling the knot that was "my ex-boyfriend was part of a cult hellbound to harness my armor's power for the end of the world, oh and by the way I got _shot_ , not to mention got multiple someone-elses hurt because of my stupidity"?

Easier to shove it aside and pretend it didn't happen, in my book.

So I shrugged, self-conscious of exactly _how_ obviously I wanted to avoid this. "Alright. Still just…tired."

And then, despite the can of worms it opened…I dragged up the courage to voice the question—name and all—of, "What, exactly, even…happened, after M—Michael…?"

Because if there was one thing we hadn't covered in all the talk since waking up yesterday, it was even more stuff I hadn't been privy to.

Alexa exhaled. "You mean other than me breaking down crying?" She paused. "Sorry, shouldn't have said that…"

I quickly shook my head to reassure her, looping her into a one-armed hug. "S'alright. I understand."

She almost breezed through it all, especially over the emotions I knew probably had surrounded the entire ordeal. But now I knew about just how soon they had gotten on my trail—which explained Rowen's hurried report to me, before, and then how fast they broke me out—and where the Warlords had come from. There seemed to be something between them and the Ronin that Alexa glossed over in her telling, but I didn't particularly care at the moment. Whatever it was, I was sure if it were important enough, it'd show up again later.

I did manage a laugh that almost felt normal upon hearing of the Sage and Dais driving escapade, however.

"We might've had to pay off Liv had he got caught…!" she said, bubbling with laughter.

"Well…after about half an hour, you would have been outside her jurisdiction," I pointed out, though still grinning.

"Oh he made that time in fifteen minutes, no problem!"

I pouted. Sage _definitely_ had been keeping more than armor secrets from me in Sendai. The bastard knew how to drive like a cop's kid. ' _Go figure!'_

After the pause of our laughter dying away, she asked me, "And your night?"

Suppressing a sigh—because of _course_ she would want to know—I debated what to say. I _really_ honestly did not want to get into this right now, especially not with mouth-watering smells wafting upstairs from the kitchen. After long hesitation and avoiding eye contact, I settled on a ambiguous truth. "I mean…slept through most of it, so…"

Her exhale was shaky, breathy. "Yeah, those healings take everything out of you."

I let that statement stand, acknowledging only with a faint _mhm_. The silence dragged on; I absently watched my heel bounce against the sideboard of my bed. My concentration broke when Alexa abruptly leaned—flopped—over and hugged me tightly, fists tightening in my shirt and clinging. Dusk pressed up against Dawn so that I could barely tell the purple apart from the green.

It took a focused, conscious effort to even attempt hiding the extent of the aching sadness under my breastbone at the force of the emotions between the two of us. I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my face into her hair and breathing deeply to hold back the first pinpricks of tears.

All I wanted was to be able to put this crap _behind_ me…

"I'm okay now that you're _back_ …" Alexa's voice came out, muffled against my chest.

I could tell she wanted me to not pretend to be strong for her sake. But that wasn't why I didn't want to talk.

Knowing that saying anything would just lead to places I wasn't ready to go yet, I simply murmured, "Good to _be_ back."

That I knew for sure was genuine, at least.

We rested there for a little bit longer, listening to the birds outside and the occasional equine snort, before Kento telepathically called us down for breakfast.

"Did you rest well, girls?" Kento asked, peering around an open cabinet door as we entered.

Alexa nodded, sitting at the table; I followed suit. "It's weird getting up before noon."

"You sound like Rowen," Cye said, laughing.

I chuckled half-heartedly at that, mind briefly wondering if Rowen was okay before forcefully moving on from that topic. "Are the others still sleeping, then?" I asked more seriously.

Cye nodded. "Sage and Ryo finally got to sleep thanks _to_ Rowen. He's staying with them until they're awake."

The way he'd worded that conjured an inkling of suspicion in my mind. Confused and wanting to clarify, I repeated, "Rowen?"

"A few years ago we discovered that Strata, with its strong ties to the night, also has the ability to aid sleep," Cye answered. "Halo and Wildfire learned some of it, but sometimes it takes Rowen to work its full effect."

…Well that explained a _lot_. "… _Oh_. Well that's… helpful."

After a short awkward pause, Alexa asked, "Did Sage… sleep at _all_ , that night?"

Kento nodded hesitantly. "Once he had his sleeping pills, yeah. But he didn't sleep very well, even with them."

I stared down at the table guiltily. I couldn't stop the thought that if it hadn't been for my stupidity, none of them would have had to deal with any of these issues.

Alexa wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "It… was probably at least partially cause of Cale, wasn't it?"

"Definitely," Cye said, beginning to flick the heat off on the multitude of skillets on the stove.

Kento continued, "He's been scared of the dark since the first winter after the War, no thanks to Cale."

The name mostly rang a bell—but it occurred to me that I hadn't actually been _properly_ introduced to any of the seasonal bearers. "One of the Warlords?" I asked as we all scooped food onto plates and reconvened at the table.

Alexa provided the answer, this time. "The one with the cut on his arm. If you heard any wolves howling, or saw black lightning, they were his."

"Sekmet got you out during the jail break, and Dais was the one pretending to be Rowen in the compound," Kento added.

That made it all click in my mind. "I remember Dais."

He nodded briefly. "They all showed up after… They sensed the youja activity and tried to stop it, but were too late." He paused, fork hanging in the air hesitantly. "Did Alexa tell you what happened after you…ah, left?"

I poured syrup over my food, not looking in Kento's direction. "A little…"

"Did she mention Rowen took off to follow you the minute you were kidnapped?"

Shifting uncomfortably, I slowly nodded and wondered where he was going with this.

Hardrock's eyes softened. "He doesn't leave his friends in trouble if he can do anything about it— no matter what we said, he was going in after you. That's the type of guy he is. No matter how many people try to talk him out of it."

"We wouldn't have been able to find you again, if it weren't for him. Sage knows that, too," Cye said gently.

I pushed around the eggs on my plate without really seeing them, taking in those implications. As guilty as I felt over causing the chain of events we now discussed, I had to admit—his being there had helped. He had given me back strength to fight, my determination to fight however I could.

 _"…promise me you'll do whatever you can to resist them. …Can you do that for me?"_

My eyes dropped to my untouched food. "I…tried to make him come with me, when he wanted me to leave him behind," I said apologetically, curling my fingers around my cup. It was too easy to imagine everything I'd heard about what they did to him. The guilt squeezed at my throat like an iron hand. "I…didn't mean for him to get _hurt_ so badly, because of me…"

"Knowing him, he didn't want that for _you_ , either," Cye reassured, laying a hand on my shoulder. Torrent implied Rowen's own guilt over his armor's role in causing my wound.

Taking a breath, I quietly said, "I'm so sorry I got you all wrapped up in that mess…"

Cye shook his head. "None of us could have forseen that."

"If anything, we should be apologizing for failing you."

Surprised by the new voice, I twisted around in my chair to see Sage, Ryo, and Rowen filing into the kitchen out of the hall from the living room. They all seemed better rested than they had yesterday, a little more alert and a little less like falling over at the touch of a breeze.

When our eyes met, Rowen was the first to look away.

"Can we just stop talking about failing people…"

Everyone's attention turned back to my sister. Worry and apprehension for her underlaying meaning filled the armor connection, waiting expectantly for a continuation. She merely shrugged. "Just. None of us did. Saying we failed each other is just. _Not true_."

Ryo laughed softly. "You sound like me with that."

She mirrored it. "Useful thing to tell yourself."

Sage, who had moved to stand beside her, laid a hand on her shoulder. An understanding passed between them in a matter of facial expressions—a slight frown, a returning weak smile, and then Alexa rose to give Halo a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his around her back, and as much as the sight warmed my heart I self-consciously glanced away.

The world felt as though it might be starting to wobble from the sheer amount of things continuing to move on without me. As if I were still stuck in that gods-forsaken compound, Michael's threat of marriage a mere "I object!" away from becoming reality.

I didn't completely recognize where my gaze fell until movement startled me back into focus. Rowen had stepped away from the coffee maker to pluck a mug from the cabinet, casually watching the group now clustered at the table. By the time I tuned back in, I only had a couple seconds to realize he had been staring at me—or at least, trying not to. He turned away again before I could catch the look in his eyes.

Dawn tentatively reached out to Strata before I even quite realized I had thought it. Before he hastily blocked my sense, I caught the edge of guilt lingering in his mind.

My brow furrowed slightly, as I took a sip from my glass. ' _I hope he doesn't still think_ he _caused…'_

I blinked as Ryo's voice interrupted my thoughts. " _So… what had you been saying about Sage acting_ different _around her?"_

Blinking, I surreptitiously peeked at my sister and Sage—who were still hugging. _That_ wasn't unusual at all… " _Yeah…yeah that pretty much sums it up right there."_

" _Is she single?"_ Kento questioned almost a bit too eagerly.

I couldn't decide whether to welcome the potential that question implied, or be suspicious of the reason for the question. " _So far as I know. Whyyy…?"_

Wildfire gestured meaningfully toward Sage and Alexa now separating from their embrace.

" _Dare I ask if there's a plan,"_ I deadplanned.

Torrent shimmered with mirth. " _Depends on what answer you want."_

"… _I'll take that as a yes."_

All three other Ronin nodded.

The shuffle and bustle of the late-comers gathering their breakfast together precluded any further discussion on that topic…until Kento sat down with his food. "So, Alexa… any significant others we should know about?"

Alexa nearly spit out her food, laughing. "Oh god no. I haven't had time to do _anything_ , let alone _date_."

Though Sage kept his eyes on his food, Halo didn't care. The impression of a glare was enough to remind us just how icy his expression could be, clearly demanding we knock it off.

" _Knew it…"_ Cye murmured to the rest of us.

My brow furrowed, perplexed. " _Knew what?"_

" _Sage is extremely private. He doesn't respond very well to matchmaking."_

" _As much as he sets people up, it's about time we set_ him _up with someone,"_ Rowen mumbled, ducking his head for a bite of cereal.

At my further confusion, Ryo said, " _Ask Rowen how many dates Sage has set him up on."_

That…didn't sound like the greatest idea to me. Dawn avoided Strata in the connection, not wanting to think about "Rowen" and "dating" in the same sentence right now.

' _Awkward…'_

Meanwhile, Ryo was saying to my sister, "It's okay, none of us really have had the time, either. We're always running around either working, or going to school, or visiting each other."

Kento hooked an arm around Ryo's neck, only half pretending to put him in a headlock. "Yeah, this guy's too in love with his tiger to have eyes for any human."

"I dunno, Kento, looks like you got a bit of a bromance going on over there," Rowen said with a smirk and a wicked gleam to his eyes.

"Says the guy who only looks for love in bookstores," Kento teased back, waggling his eyebrows.

Rowen's smirk turned to a withering glare.

The banter continued on without me; I stared down at the remnants of syrupy rivers on my plate. All this talk had only served to remind me—even though I'd thought it before—that I was single, again. The realization had finally hit me just now. As good as it should have felt to have that weight of Michael's expectations off my chest…whatever might have existed instead drowned under the sorrow and pain it had taken to get there.

I only noticed I had pressed my hand against my scar—again—when familiar voices caught my ear. I looked up to see Dad and Liv come into the room. Dad moved up behind Alexa's chair, absently laying a hand on her shoulder as he would to me or my brother. Everyone barely had time to begin thinking about standing; Sage was the only one fast enough to be on his feet by the time my dad looked down.

Alexa's bandages showed clear as day above the neckline of her PJ top.


	25. Chapter 25

**Warnings:** Suicidal ideation (skip the entirety of Sage's scene to —A—), parental abuse, cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 25_

—A—

Trapped.

All I could think was that I was trapped in a mistake in a lie in a coverup in Trouble. The others bolstered me, saying there wasn't any danger— they were there. It was only their encouragement that allowed my voice to work. "I'm— I'm fine, Dad. Cye and Sage patched me up."

He sounded absolutely horrified with his next words. "They _hurt_ you?"

I had told this story three times in two days I did _not_ want to tell it again.

Cye saved me, quickly giving a recount of the events that had lead to my injury. In the process, I couldn't look at anyone's faces. Adrenaline coursed through my body more smoothly than blood, everything about this situation making me want to _run_. Dad's hand still hadn't left my shoulder, each new horrifying development producing a squeeze. Thankfully it was my good one.

Sage's voice was far _crisper_ than I had heard it yet. "I wouldn't have said she was alright if she wasn't."

Dad carefully rubbed my shoulder bandage. "Are you sore?"

I shook my head. "Hardly feel a thing."

"C'mere." Almost before I could move, he had ushered me out of my chair and hugged me very, very gently. It was hard not to tremble as I returned his grip on automatic, especially as his hand rubbed up and down my back. "Has this… ever happened before?"

I swallowed and kept my eyes down. "Not… _physically_." When he pulled away in confusion I continued. "I'd. Be wearing my armour when they cut me, normally. This is the first time it's. Been worse."

Liv— I vaguely recalled she was technically my step mother, which just made the line of questioning feel _worse_ — spoke next. She wasn't particularly harsh, but I didn't know what that tone of voice meant. "Sounds pretty physical to me."

I shook my head. "They always called it spiritual."

Kento's tone was equally impossible to determine. "It left marks on Dusk. That's not merely spiritual."

If nobody was _happy_ then they were angry, and I was the cause of it. Trying not to melt into the floor I murmured, "I don't want to talk about it."

They both dropped it, at least. Dad turned his attention to his daughter. "Are _you_ hurt?"

Tessa shifted her weight, Dawn hiding from the armour connection. She waited _long_ moments before saying, "No."

Strata lurched in the connection enough I glanced at his face, his expression an attempted mask at that remark. I had to admit, I felt much the same, too. On the other hand, it was reassuring to not be alone in wanting no questions about injuries at all. I just wished I had been able to lie like that.

Maybe we were sisters after all.

Dad's relief was tempered, perhaps because he knew of that very tactic. "So they didn't hurt you?"

She paused again. "No…"

He reached out and squeezed her arms, desperate for answers. "Tess…"

She bristled, physically, spine straightening and pulling back. "I'm _fine_ , Dad. Really."

Everyone else respected that lie, practicing the concept to not say anything until we were ready to talk about it. I still didn't trust they wouldn't spill my secrets, but at least now I could call them on hypocrisy should they do that.

Dad turned to the others, trying to pull out more of the story. "So… Cye _and_ Sage are both… medics?"

Everyone slowly nodded, Ryo speaking for the group. "In a sense…yes."

Sage's breath spoke of practicing courtesy for others, his voice losing its edge from before. "While my degree is in kinesiology, I mostly heal through my armour."

Dad stared at him. "Your… armour."

He nodded. "With Cye's guidance for serious injuries, but for most, Halo directs me."

Dad almost looked frozen like a rabbit about to be pounced on. After spending so long running from the cult and its magic, their world had come back to haunt him… in a way he couldn't escape. "What are the odds they try to come back here?"

Ryo crossed his arms in annoyance. "About a hundred percent."

Rowen had finished his breakfast and was putting his bowl on the counter. His optimism sounded forced even to me. "It may take a while, though. We gave them a pretty rough blow. And now we know they know. It _should_ make it that much harder for them to get the drop on us."

Liv took his empty seat. "What can we do to help?"

I sat back down, poking my food in an attempt to make myself hungry again. "Find your own armour."

Cye ignored my remark, actually bothering to answer something other than 'nothing'. "We have others watching the cult. They should be able to warn us before anything happens."

Everyone went quiet after that, notes of resignation draining the tension and fear enough I could consider another bite. It took me far too long to get through just one, and my stomach wanted to reject the concept of more food. The nausea was intense enough I considered breaking down crying over feeling it, everything about today Wrong and Dangerous. Even Tessa wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know if she would again. If any of them would again.

In the middle of my internal debate on whether or not I could afford to abandon my barely-touched meal with Dad and Liv around, Dad put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for saving her."

My jaw clamped shut, eyes following suit to not burst into tears for a different reason.

"How long has it been since you heard that?"

That required an answer. I tried to get my vocal cords to work. "Y-years…"

His voice sounded. Kind. Warm, even. "Guess I've got a lot of catching up to do."

I stood to cry into his chest, everything about today officially Too Much. Normally kindness wasn't enough to get me to burst into tears. I tried to mollify the hatred I was so weak on this with the thought I hadn't gotten _parental_ kindness. Ever. Except maybe when he'd been married to my mom.

He rubbed my back, voice quiet. "You always were a fighter."

I hugged him tighter, pressing my face into his shoulder. He'd never _not_ been kind to me. Always been more like my dad in the few years I'd known him than any other older male figure in my life. I tried to silence the voice telling me him knowing I was a fighter was exactly why he'd abandoned me to my mother. I succeeded enough to not lash out.

Once my outburst had finally quieted down, we all turned back to filling in Dad and Liv on what had happened, trying to figure out what to do next.

Somehow, I got through half of breakfast.

—~—

Sage hadn't felt the edges of his counternance— his recovery, his _control_ — unravel to this degree in years.

He was suicidal. As much as he wanted to deny it, as much as he had told Alexa he simply wanted to self harm, what he really wanted to do was die. What he really wanted to do was not face the future his mind was spinning. Part of him knew it was his mind playing tricks on him. He didn't want to listen. He didn't care how remote the chance was, he didn't want to face a world where his friends weren't there.

Rowen already wasn't there, him off to think because he had too much on his shoulders. Shielded because he didn't want to be with anyone. Rowen would continue to not be there. Everyone was going to leave and the net that had caught him so often was coming apart at the seams.

The worst part was, he knew the others saw his state of mind. He wanted to retreat back into his own world and not face them; he'd already turned down Kento's offer to spar.

When Cye offered to go for a walk early in the afternoon, he knew he couldn't refuse. Next to talk to him would be Ryo, and he could never truly dodge his leader's line of questioning. He could only barely dodge Cye, but it would be less shameful.

They walked out of the house towards the pasture, Cye waiting until they were near the fence to speak. His voice was his medic's voice, the one he used to calm those on the verge of hysteria. "We all know that night was hard on you."

Sage didn't respond until he was leaning against the fence, making a point to _not_ look at the older Ronin. "At this point, that night is the least of my worries."

He put a hand on Sage's shoulder. "Burdens are meant to be shared, lest the load break the horse's back."

Sage folded his hands together, trying to find the right combination of pressure to settle himself. Nothing worked. He knew answering that would lead to places he didn't want to go. But he couldn't refuse Cye. Not completely. "It's not like I'll be able to share it, soon."

Cye shifted to lean against the fence, arms crossed atop it. Suiko impressed the importance behind his look. "Even if you may feel unable now…the situation we find ourselves in may demand otherwise."

He wasn't going to face it. "Whether or not the situation demands it is irrelevant."

"It's not irrelevant if it's going to effect how well you can fight, or how much these girls can depend on you. How much we depend on you," Cye replied firmly. He softened after a moment. "Ryo— _all_ of us— noticed you're isolating. Kento and I agreed we need to reach out for your sake as much as his."

Sage's fists tensed before he forced them to relax. He had to face it. The thought drove him to rage without an outlet, all of it dying to a quiet, simple, "It's not like we'll be able to keep this after graduation."

Even though Cye and Rowen were years off graduating, _Sage_ was graduating at the end of the school year next March. His life would be dedicated to training and teaching kendo; Cye and Rowen would have more demands on their time in their final stretch of education, something Sage had already felt as their class loads increased. Ryo and Kento had been struggling to meet up for years, their work demanding more time than their high school classes ever had.

They would be moving even farther apart from each other. Emotionally and physically.

Cye followed his thoughts, laying a hand on Sage's. He was softer, now. More like a friend than a medic. "You're not the only one struggling with that thought. It's a valid fear. But I do hope this is one thing we all want to prevent. It's possible to make the effort to stay in touch. And with the yoroi we'll likely never be truly apart."

Sage shook his head. "Everything's about to change again, and for how I relapsed the first time… even knowing that."

"Just because we see the trials coming doesn't make it any easier to go through." A soft smile punctuated Cye's statement. "It simply gives us an opportunity to prepare for it."

He heard his own voice roughening. Whether it was from anger or sorrow he couldn't tell. "There's nothing that can be done. Rowen won't be able to just fly over so I can spend the night. We'll all be working odd hours, without the time and ability to be there as much as we were."

Cye squeezed his hand. "That doesn't change our commitment to the team. To our friendships. Throwing that all away would dishonor everything we've gone through and everything we've fought for up to this point." He paused to emphasize his next words, every ounce of the integrity of his yoroi in them. "We will find a way. This much I know."

He thought about that. He thought about how they had found ways before, when his self harm urges had begun after they'd stopped living together. How it had all relied on Rowen's ability to drop everything at a moment's notice to go get him. How that _could_ leave so quickly with life's demand. He had his cigarettes for emergencies, but they were a temporary fix that could become impossible to hide should his usage increase.

Lingering anger he had tried to stuff away came to the forefront. "That won't be enough. _Nothing_ will be enough. I was away from him for hours and I want to kill myself, still, and thinking of being away from him brings it back. I thought—"

Tenku surged out to comfort him.

Rowen had heard it all.

Sage froze, barely able to breathe at the thought he had done this to his brother _again_. He knew Rowen felt just as frozen, guilt gripping them both. He couldn't turn to face the man standing all of two feet away.

Rowen's voice sounded like it was directed to the ground. "I am so, deeply sorry, my brother."

The archaic Japanese—the kind Sage was the most familiar with, the kind he had grown up learning, the kind only his family spoke to him in—made his shoulders hunch forward in a way that hadn't happened since his last suicide attempt. His knees locked just to keep himself standing, breaths still not coming any semblance of easily. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes but so long as he stayed like this he could keep them at bay.

Rowen stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, one hand on the back of his head as he forced Sage to face him.

Sage broke, arms tight around Rowen's chest and a sob escaping into Rowen's neck. One hand tangled in his hair, the other took a fistfull of his sweater. "I thought I was better than this."

Rowen held him tighter. "No one is better than their weaknesses. One merely learns to embrace them like an old friend."

His breath continued its haggard trek, a single sob turning into more. Everything he had been trying to hide from Rowen— _all_ of them—came flooding out, from fears about coping without the structure of school to the helplessness against his demons two nights prior. He couldn't cope with one change, which undermined his ability to cope with _any_ change. Terror at himself he thought locked away ruled his mind, the terror he refused to even name.

He hadn't felt so raw in years. " _Nothing feels right unless you're here. I wish it wasn't that way."_

Rowen squeezed him. " _I understand. I represent a star on the night of a new moon, to you. Without the constellations, you have nothing by which to guide you through darkness."_

Sage nodded along with that. " _I haven't stood on my own since…"_

Rowen knew him well enough to know what that fear was, under the surface. The fear he never would stand alone again. He hadn't since his second suicide attempt, but if he was honest, he hadn't stood on his own since Kaos had saved him. His lack of independence made him want to die all over again.

The others had come out since the start of the conversation, which just drove Sage to hide more against Rowen. Everyone else joined in on the hug, disappointment they hadn't helped him mixing with Sage's own shame they hadn't been enough.

Ryo was the closest, pressing into his back. "None of us could have known that was going to be the result. Just because we're hurt doesn't mean any of us did anything wrong."

Sage remembered Alexa telling them the same thing earlier that day. He tried to pull himself together, resolve for silence worn down to nothing. "That doesn't change the fact so much is about to change and… I'm afraid…"

"Even if we're not physically there through the change, what doesn't change is our bonds to the others," Rowen said softly. "Just because it might be more difficult for us to respond immediately doesn't mean we're just going to cut each other out of our lives completely"

Sage pressed his lips together, anger at himself for his own illness still raging after all these years. "I keep wishing I could stand on my own."

Rowen looped one of Sage's arms around his shoulder, small smile—almost a smirk—on his lips. "Right now, you don't have to. Just concentrate on being stronger than you were, and when you grow weak we'll be there to carry you. Everyone needs a rest every so often"

Sage dared a glance at Rowen, the man he always wanted to call his lover, the others forgotten for the second time since leaving the house. " _You have already carried me so much…"_

Rowen returned the intensity of feeling, even if it was different. " _And I'll carry you to the ends of the earth and the last of our days, as much as I have to to keep you alive with us."_

His eyes filled with tears again, turning back into his brother. Sage somehow found the strength to hold onto him, even if the thought of holding onto his own life was too much. " _I don't know what I would do without you."_

Rowen's arms wrapped around him a second time. " _I believe you would find strength to seek out other lights, other constellations under another sky."_ Tenku gestured towards the others. " _Starting with them."_

It extended to the house, as well, including the girls.

Including Alexa, who might be hiding just as many suicidal urges for the same reason he wanted to die.

He couldn't stand the thought of leaving the Ronin yet. Not when this wound still felt like it was bleeding. "I didn't want you to know… not after we had all accepted nothing could have stopped this."

Kento reached out and clasped his shoulder. "Just cause nothing could've stopped it doesn't mean we didn't get hurt."

Sage tried not to glance at the man beside him. "I knew you all felt guilty enough for the results of that night."

Cye shook his head. "We felt guilty because taking care of each other is all of our responsibility, and we couldn't ease your suffering. We don't want you to be in so much pain, regardless of its source."

Ryo put his hands on both of Sage's shoulders, eyes burning with Wildfire's intensity. "Being alone is what _caused_ our traumas. And to heal, we _need_ to stick together. No matter what life throws at us, we will always need each other. That doesn't change no matter what."

"Do you remember how far away we were when I launched that arrow into Arago's palace?"

Sage shook his head

"I could barely see the tips of the structure. It took us what felt like days after to reach the inner courtyards." Rowen smiled. "So just because I'm a thousand miles away doesn't mean I can't reach you."

Sage's exhale was shaky as he remembered something that should have been traumatizing, but in the end hadn't been. "It didn't seem to matter, to us. So long as we knew you were coming…" Suiko and Kongo agreed, all of them about to move forward when Sage couldn't hold in a soft laugh that came out in a breath. "Why do I feel there's a metaphor in that concept, in the form of…" He looked down. "The bond and effort being more important than the time it takes to accomplish the task."

Ryo broke out into a lopsided smile. "Because that's what being a Ronin is all about."

The wound stopped bleeding. Or, at least, stopped enough that he could isolate his nightmares to a remote possibility. They would still be there for each other. They didn't blame him for his inability to relax when they had all tried to help him without succeeding. Rowen would still be there as long as he physically could be there, even if it took him longer than any of them would like.

It would be okay. Okay enough he could stop feeling like there was only one option.

They needed to check on the girls.

—A—

Group activities were, by far and wide, my least favourite type of activity.

After everyone else had come back inside, all they wanted to do was group activities. Board games, video games, card games. Together activities. Activities that made me feel more alone than anything else. Activities that made me want to throw things and scream to stop trying to be normal. It wasn't normal and everyone needed to act like it.

This was an irrational thought. I could tell by how I was the only one who held it, another glass wall between them and me that just proved how different I was. How crazy I was. How troublesome and wet-blanket-like and I could _hear_ my mother's voice telling me I always ruined everyone's attempts at having fun.

If I was going to _feel_ this alone, I wanted to actually _be_ alone.

I slipped out the back door after filling up my water bottle, trying to ignore Tessa's knife on the table. If they spotted it missing they'd panic, and I didn't want there to be a _panic_. I wanted them to not notice I had even left.

Once outside, I looked over the area. The barn felt too conspicuous, the pasture too open. Trees it was, then. As if I could pretend to hide in a new-growth forest, sparsely populated— Tessa had told me about the sheer amount of open space she had used for mock sword fights. But it was the illusion of vanishing. Something the house or the barn couldn't give me.

Before I had even decided to head down that way, Sage had followed me out and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not going to do anything," I murmured. It was true enough it wasn't a lie. I wanted to. I wasn't _going_ to.

"Regardless of whether or not you are," he began softly, "company after an ordeal can help more than true aloneness."

 _Spoken like a true suicide survivor_.

We both walked in the forest, Sage letting me lead. I didn't care about potentially shaking him even though the armours made that impossible; I was barely even worried about ticks in the region.

I finally found a place secluded enough from everything I felt okay in it. I settled down with my back to a tree, Sage finding a place diagonally across from me where he could sit cross-legged. Close enough he could scoot over and hold me, but far enough he wasn't actually in my personal space.

When we had been sitting in silence for a few moments, Sage leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "I… did want to talk to you, however, if you'll have the conversation."

I snorted. "I hate being around other suicidal people…" At his unease at that statement, I quickly added, "I mean. You'd know what to look for and sometimes I just. Say pitch black statements for humour."

He still looked unsure at that, but he continued regardless. "I… realized earlier I was suicidal again. Since you had been through so similar, it. Only made sense I ask you."

I shrugged one shoulder. "I told the kids at the compound I'd be there for them if they reached out, so that kind of stops my plans in their tracks."

"That doesn't change the lingering feelings," he replied. "Regardless of whether or not you want to act on them, I wanted to make sure you were alright."

I looked down at the leafy underbrush. "I'm not in the mood to get reassurance it's all going to be okay, or anything like that."

"Commiserating, then?"

I shrugged.

He leaned back, running his fingers through his hair. "What tripped mine was the thought of Rowen not being around, anymore. I'm graduating too soon for my own comfort and the thought that night Rowen was taken might become our lives, with work… was overwhelming."

I swallowed. "Tessa's going into intelligence and getting deployed so I already know that night is going to be our lives. I need to learn to live with it."

He winced. "You will have the armour connection, however."

One shoulder went up and down in another shrug. "She could still be kidnapped by enemy forces and in danger. My only comfort is Dawn won't let her die."

The military. An entity that demanded its soldiers as property, that controlled everything about their lives when you got down to brass tacks, and demanded loyalty above all else. If the military called her first, or called her second, or hell, even called her third, she would have to answer because they jumped to priority queue and she had signed her life away to them already.

If I didn't hate anti-government extremist groups for the violence they dished out to innocents—and if keeping no police record wasn't part of my lease—I would've joined anti-government groups years ago. But if my friends organized a targeted anti government protest that had the potential for violence, I wouldn't stop them.

My brooding broke when a large tabby cat padded out of the trees. I reached out a hand to stroke Tazer, who had been playing shy since everyone had arrived. Tessa's cat wasn't used to this much company. Us isolated out of the house had to make him more comfortable.

I still barely acknowledged the man in front of me, trying to force all my attention on the very curious cat.

Sage studied me in my silence. "There's more to it than that, isn't there?"

I ran my tongue over my teeth. "Maybe."

"And you're not going to tell me."

"Nope."

"Very well." He shifted, leaning his neck to one side to stretch it. "Does anything help, in these moods?"

I laughed, possibly too darkly for comfort. "You mean other than dancing to exhaustion and ignoring everything in favour of writing or mindless games? Nothing healthy, and nothing I can do on this much injury."

He leveled one violet eye on me, gaze inviting. "Ballroom would be less strenuous."

I looked down at the ground. "I'm not learning a whole new dance style like this."

He gestured towards me. "What is 'like this', so I know when to offer next?"

I swallowed, caught between glaring and commending him for trapping me in this line of questioning. "Injured. Starving. Wanting to rip my skin off. No skillful qualities other than brute force and espionage."

He put a hand on my knee. "Isn't that the perfect time to feel like a princess?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "With you as the prince, of course."

He laughed softly. "I am but a samurai, although I believe Tessa would have some comparison."

That got a smile out of me, but I shook my head. "Really… I'm not in the mood."

"Very well." He let silence hang for a little while longer. "I know you'd rather I leave you alone-alone, but I'm not going to. None of us, individually, will. We're all here with you. I'm even standing on the edge of being suicidal with you. We can only heal together."

I picked up a leaf and began ripping it apart, ignoring a sniffing kitty. "My own sister won't even talk to me."

He scooted closer, his hand taking mine. "And my brother wouldn't talk to me until I went out and he overheard what I was saying. I had tried to spare him my feelings, but in so doing, put up a wall between us."

My hand tightened into a fist. "She doesn't need to hear what I went through. She went through enough."

My fist nearly vanished between his palms, his hands dwarfing mine. "And you went through just as much, even if your battles feel like nothing because most of them were in your mind. They were as real as hers."

My fist loosened, whole body drooping. "She told me the reason I was getting hurt was I wasn't following god and if I hadn't left none of this would've happened."

"Your mother?" At my nod, he worked his fingers around mine. "She's lying. I know you know that, but I know how hearing it's a lie helps."

I shook my head. "I don't believe it's a lie…"

He reached up and brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers, hand resting on the side of my neck. "Then we will remind you as much as it takes for you to believe it."

My breath hitched.

He pulled me closer with a gentle but firm grip on my shoulder, my hand still on his lap and forehead tipped against his chest. He held me loosely but protectively, soft strokes on the back of my neck drawing out the crying fit I'd wanted to have all morning.

" _I would've had Tessa with Michael dating her, I would've had my mom and my step dad and a community and a_ life plan _and—"_

" _You wouldn't be happy."_

" _That isn't important."_

He gave off a sense of quiet, challenging, disbelief.

" _There was only_ divine _happiness which you'd get later,_ human _happiness was fleeting and imperfect and not worth doing anything with because you shouldn't build a human life, you should…"_ I trailed off, not wanting to complete my thought.

He turned his head towards me, jaw pressing into my hair. " _You should what?"_

I wanted to reply that I didn't know. I desperately, desperately wanted to reply I didn't know. But he wouldn't be satisfied with that. " _Your soul should live in youja fire constantly so you could eventually earn heaven."_

He stroked my back. " _A lifetime of suffering doesn't sound like a life."_

I scrunched my eyes shut. " _It wasn't meant to be a life."_

" _And you wanted more."_

I nodded.

He pulled back so I could see his face, bangs pushed aside slightly so both his eyes could show the compassion Halo gave Dusk. "You're not wrong for wanting more."

My body felt numb even though I knew I was crying. Hearing that from somebody who barely knew me, barely knew the situation, felt in many ways more validating than Tessa— sometimes I doubted her reassurance, because I exaggerated the emotional effects when I was tired, when I was having a flashback. I would eventually doubt Sage, too, but for now.

For now, I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear that.

He pulled me back against him, soft humming mixed with purring from my lap as I cried until I was spent.

* * *

 _Summary:_ Sage and Cye talk about staying friends through change, the others joining in to reassure each other they won't stop being friends no matter what happens, even adding new members to the group.


	26. Chapter 26

This is officially 10 chapters till the end! Enjoy the introduction to the final arc. =3

 **Warnings:** Suicidal ideation, cult material, abuse aftermath, flashbacks

* * *

 _Chapter 26_

—T—

I was beginning to acclimate to the barely-conscious haze that passed for sleep in the days since our return from the compound. It had the same feeling as accidentally falling into a light doze—a kind of half-weightless, half-soundless landscape of pastel gray and black. Only, in this case, I could faintly make out distant phantom voices murmuring in the background.

Then, after who-knew-how-long since I'd laid down to sleep, the grating, metallic twist of a doorknob intruded on the background hum. Suspended on the edge of wakefulness, I hardly registered Dawn's now-familiar restless squirming. Sleep called me back to the shadow world, cradling me in the soft arms of darkness…

Until another eerie wooden creak and the sense of _something_ standing over me shattered the illusion.

My body instinctively rocketed awake. A small gasp of terror caught in my throat as I levered myself up on my arms, bleary eyes locking on the tall shadow filling the equally-dark doorway of my room.

Michael.

In the space of a blink and another strangled inhalation—I couldn't have made an actual sound if I'd tried—the shadow disappeared. Instantly awake, now, I gulped down air and trembled like a quaking aspen. My heart galloped at triple time and threatened to leap from my chest like a horse over the jumps at a four-star event.

There hadn't been enough light to know for sure what that—that _thing_ had been. Michael had simply been the first possibility that came to mind. Was it even human? Had he sent some youja after me, and it had finally caught up? What if it still lurked just outside my door? What if it was simply waiting for me to turn my back so it could finish me off?

I had been totally vulnerable in my sleep. A sitting duck. The others would have heard me scream—if I even _could_ have—but been too late to do anything about it.

Dawn's nagging finally caught up with my foggy brain. She sensed no youja; only the other Ronin armors lingered nearby.

I was still safe.

I shook away the frantic thoughts and swallowed, letting my trembling arms lower my torso back to the mattress. In an attempt to force my body from its lingering terror-paralysis, I buried my face in my pillow and took deep, slow breaths.

' _He's not coming back for me. I'm safe. He'll never touch you again.'_

As much as I tried to convince myself of that, however, deep down I didn't dare let myself believe it.

The floor in the hall creaked—that one plank between my door and my brother's I knew to skip over on late-night trips to the bathroom. The panic I had almost managed to tamp down resurfaced, but only for a few seconds. A quick check of the area with Dawn revealed Strata apparently awake, its bearer standing in the hall.

I sat up carefully; seconds passed in silence, suggesting he hadn't moved. Hesitantly, I reached out to him. " _Rowen?"_

The armor withdrew a fraction. When he moved back into the guys' room without responding, I slipped out from under the covers to follow.

I paused and frowned when I realized how flatly the comforter fell to the mattress. I glanced back.

Alexa was gone. Dusk's light illuminated the slight curl of paper nestled beneath its flat face.

A different kind of horror caused my heart to leap into my throat, immediately recognizing the letter for what it was.

Strata's powers unwound that knot before it could do more than jolt me with a shot of adrenaline. " _It's okay, she's fine. I'm watching her."_

" _Where is she?"_ I asked too quickly.

" _Not far,"_ he soothed. " _Just the barn. She wanted to watch the fireflies."_

Stretching Dawn in that direction confirmed his statement. The moment I did, Alexa's remorse washed over me, with a faint nudge to check the note she'd left. Doing so reinforced what Rowen had already told me—she simply wanted to go for a walk.

I exhaled softly. Even with _that_ worry put to rest, though, there was still no way I'd be able to fall back asleep. Visions of Michael's leering visage lingered ghostlike in the back of my mind. Rubbing my face in some attempt at smearing the images into oblivion, I got to my feet and scooped Dawn off the bedside table.

Forgoing shoes, I tiptoed out into the gentle blanket of a moonless summer night. Spring peepers croaked from the pastures in cadence to the silent fireflies' twinkling. Dozens of miles away, a midnight thunderstorm rumbled; but where I stood, the air was smooth and quiet like the mirror surface of a placid lake.

Until a tiny breeze tickled the back of my neck—an oddly _familiar_ breath of air. I had chalked it up to the oncoming storm, but then it twisted through my hair enough to lift a thick strand away from my forehead almost…playfully.

"What…?"

I glanced back over my shoulder and up at the roof. With a start, I realized the smooth shingles' silhouette sported an extra shape to the far slope.

"Rowen…?" I called cautiously—both wary from my unpleasant awakening and conscious of my slumbering parents through the window directly below.

The dark gray blob shifted, peering out over the edge. "You're still up?"

I sighed and felt my body relax just a little more. Folding my arms over my chest and looking out toward the barn again, I admitted. "Not sure I could fall asleep if I tried…" I frowned at how morose that sounded, and turned the question back at him. "What are you doing up _there_ , anyway? I thought you were watching Alexa."

"I am," he retorted, laying back flat on the shingles again. "From up here. It's…"

He didn't finish the partial thought, trailing off into silence like he couldn't decide how to word it. Something in his tone had changed, sounding haunted and uncertain. I was reminded of the car ride back from Pennsylvania only a few days ago. Concerned, I figured it couldn't hurt to try and join him on his lofty perch.

If I could figure out _how_ , anyway…

A few seconds concentrating on Dawn's energies successfully brought up the shimmering green barrier that served as her subarmor. Deciding that should be enough for what I was about to attempt, I coiled my legs in preparation.

Rowen peered over the edge of the roof warily. " _What are you doing?"_

To answer that, I simply pushed off against the porch and jumped as high as I could…which was far, _far_ higher than I had expected, even knowing the armor would augment it. I'd definitely _over_ estimated that boost, though. While I'd hoped to land on my feet, at this rate I wasn't even gonna clear the gutter. My fingers stretched out for a hold—

A firm hand locked around my wrist, arresting my downward motion before I could fall back to the porch.

Rowen hauled me onto the roof beside him, not releasing my hand until I had settled myself securely and Dawn faded back to her half-orb. "What were you thinking? You could have broken your neck!" he hissed.

"What?" I shot back. "I was tired of whisper-yelling at you from two stories down. Had to get up here somehow; just figured I'd do what you did."

"I did _not_ use Strata. I—" He paused abruptly, snapped his mouth shut for a long moment, then finally admitted, "I…climbed through the window."

I stared. And blinked.

"What? Sage didn't tell you about my climbing and parkour addiction?"

Setting my hands on my hips, I retorted, "It's not like he gave me a whole primer about each and every one of you. What does he look like, an FBI profiler?"

Rowen snorted, looking away from me. "He sure acts like it, some days."

I sighed at the bitterness in his tone, reining in my irritation. He had only been looking out for my well-being—the same way he'd done in the cult compound. In light of that, he _definitely_ didn't deserve my anger.

"Look…I didn't nearly break my neck getting up here to talk about Sage," I said slowly. I tucked my knees closer to my chest against a chill breeze, wrapping my arms around them. "You seemed like you could use a listening ear. So…here I am."

He remained silent, watching the trees that screened my parents' property from our closest neighbors. I gave him time to think and stared out across the largest pasture. One of the horses punctuated the amphibious symphony with a sleepy snort. Somewhere in the woods behind them a few minutes later, a fox screamed.

A shudder ran down my spine at the eerie sound. A sound like the scream of a young child.

"I'm so sorry," Rowen murmured, looking down at his hands. "For…what happened in the cult."

I smiled thinly. "None of it was your fault, Rowen." I rested my chin on my knees, eyes settling on the hulking shadow of the barn and the tiny human shape sitting under its overhang. "None of it would have happened if I'd just listened to Alexa and the rest of you…"

He shrugged. "It was an honest mistake. We all think we're so smart we can ignore our base instincts. But in so many ways, those are the only thing that keep us alive in the end. Unless we had listened to those, and paid closer attention to the armors, we couldn't have known what Michael really was."

I hid my face in the crook of my arm guiltily. "Alexa seemed to know. She warned me, so many times… Not. About him being in the cult, obviously, but…all the red flags…"

In hindsight, it all seemed so _clear_.

' _How could I have been so_ stupid _?'_

The vision of his imagined silhouette looming in the doorway filled my mind's eye. I inhaled shakily, trying to control the terror and horror that threatened to return with overwhelming force if I wasn't careful. Dawn's half-sphere glowed softly, reassuringly.

A hand on my shoulder grounded me in reality. I peeked over my arm and met Rowen's eyes, dark as the night around me without any moonlight to reflect. "We will do whatever we can to stop him, _and_ your mom. This is our fight as much as it is yours."

I blinked, then gave a watery chuckle and rubbed at one eye. "Here I came up to comfort _you_ , and instead it's the other way around."

He looked toward the barn. "You two have been through a lot in only a week."

Taking a breath to steel myself, I straightened and laid my hand over his on my shoulder. "So have you," I murmured.

His posture stiffened a fraction; though he didn't face me, he also didn't remove his hand from mine. After a long moment, he replied, "It's…nothing, after what we went through in the War."

I wasn't sure I could buy that. Sage and the others had mentioned hints of what that had meant, but the way Rowen's armor had reacted to everything… And then his silence on the ride home…

"Rowen…please. Talk to me."

Only the toads' croaking met my plea. His hand slid carefully from my shoulder, returning to his lap; a moment later, his other hand produced a sphere dimly glowing with emerald light.

… _Halo_ 's armor orb?

Though dying to ask why he had Halo and not Strata, I recalled Sage loaning it to me once and kept respectfully silent. For all I knew, maybe Strata was in one of his pockets like Halo had been.

Instead, I watched Rowen. The downward curve of his brow; the sweep of the forelock constantly falling into his eyes; those eyes, which I had seen sparkle with constellations, now like a black hole even with Halo's glow; his…bare chest…

' _Damn.'_

I swallowed self-consciously and looked away, closing my eyes.

"I… I can't ask you to…forgive me, for what happened," Rowen finally said.

A wash of empathy swept over my heart, so much that I ached to comfort him. Twisting to face him directly, I replied, "Of _course_ you can. Just like none of it was my fault, none of it was yours, either. The cult—"

" _We_ 're responsible for your safety," he snapped, voice strained with desperation and other emotions I couldn't place. His hand tightened around Halo. "If _I_ hadn't lost control, they wouldn't have been able to shoot you. I… T-They got in my head, they overwhelmed Tenku with youja and stole my strength. I—I _couldn't_ , I… I was helpless to stop any of it." His breath shuddered, when he inhaled. "I don't even _remember_ what Tenku did, just…all the youja, and then…you…"

I worried my lower lip between my teeth, gears in my mind turning over his words. I thought of the little black book Kayura had given us, how it described the relationship between Balance and the other nine armors. The fear Kaos had had of this exact problem happening. _Our_ role as protectors of the others.

So far, everyone _else_ had had to do the protecting.

Except when Rowen had needed it the most. When the armor could have caused him to kill…somehow, I'd been able to stop the unthinkable from happening. For once, I'd been able to fulfill a purpose; _that_ purpose. As responsible as they might feel for Alexa's and my safety, that was what we were _meant_ to do.

Despite the guilt for putting him—putting _all_ of them—through that sort of scare…I was proud of that. We had learned so much from such awful experiences. And we'd been able to contribute to the fight, instead of playing the mere Damsels in Distress.

Maybe…maybe we _could_ do this, terrified as we all were of the potential outcomes.

Rowen continued again, taking my silence as…well, _something_. "I know there's…nothing I could ever do to make this failure up to you. All I can do is say sorry, but…"

I shook my head and scooted closer to properly lay my arm across his broad shoulders. "I'm not asking you to. If it helps you to hear me say it, even though I don't feel there's anything you did that needs forgiveness, I'll gladly give it." I offered him a tiny smile despite not knowing if he could see it. "You came after me when no one else could. That's nothing like a failure at all, in my book." The smile fell away. "If…you _hadn't_ followed… I'm not sure we'd be here talking about this right now."

A strong gust blew past the roof, ruffling our hair and throwing loose strands into my eyes that I clawed away irritably.

Rowen's breathing grew shallow, voice hardly above a whisper. "When… W-When he took you, I—I just couldn't do _nothing_. And when they hurt you… When I heard you _scream_ …"

I didn't get the chance to respond to that; he paused only briefly, then rested his forehead on his knees and laughed darkly. "Kento…said the cult seals would make everything feel so much more intense, for a while. But I never thought…"

"It'd be this bad?" I finished quietly. "Yeah… Me neither."

I wasn't quite sure I was over the effects of the one that had sealed my wound, either. Even now, it still ached faintly, if I paid attention to it. And Rowen was dealing with the effects of _three_.

Another thought crossed my mind, then. I slowly pulled my hand away, laying it on my opposite bicep sheepishly. "I…don't think I've actually, properly thanked you, yet. For coming after me." When curious midnight-blue eyes turned on me, I looked away. "If it weren't for you, I'm not sure I could have even hoped to escape."

In the drawn-out silence that followed, I wondered if I had said something wrong.

Then his cool palm—calloused, I noticed, probably from archery practice and parkour—cradled my cheek.

Was it just me, or had the night's temperature risen five degrees without my notice? Despite wearing only a tanktop and some old middle school gym shorts, my skin felt sticky and warm.

"Honestly, I should be the one thanking you," he murmured. "If…you hadn't stopped Tenku when you did, I…" He breathed deeply. "I…might've lost myself in the armor."

I swallowed, trying not to meet his eyes. This close beside him, I felt utterly tiny. My heart drummed loud in my ears. "Y—You mentioned that. In Toronto."

There was a surprised pause. "You remembered."

I didn't know how he hadn't pulled his hand back yet, considering my burning face. Even Ryo probably would have felt the heat. "W-Well, it took awhile, but…yeah. And, _seeing_ it…actually happening…" I tucked a stray lock of hair behind an ear. "I couldn't leave you in that state… Not with… _him_ blaming you for our break up."

His hand finally fell away. "He…what?"

Lacing my fingers together and fiddling with them, I explained, "You…talking to me, at the barbeque, made him jealous. And angry. He thought…I…was cheating on him."

I watched Rowen's reaction anxiously, bracing for an outburst or a rant of some kind. His brows pinched together, a frown twisting his lips—but what I expected never came. "Some people simply cannot be reasoned with, no matter how much evidence there is otherwise."

I chuckled nervously. "Don't have to tell me twice…"

It only reminded me that this wasn't over.

My nightmarish experience from earlier wrapped a ghostly hand around my throat. I rubbed my neck and hugged my legs to my chest again in an attempt to stave off the feeling.

I stiffened briefly when a bare arm looped lightly around my shoulders.

' _It's only Rowen,'_ I reminded myself. I consciously forced my muscles to unwind, hoping he hadn't noticed the involuntary reaction.

"I…don't think I can promise he won't show up again," he murmured. "And I…know I can't promise he absolutely _won't_ do something to hurt you. But I _can_ promise that I will do everything in my power to prevent it."

His sincerity drew my gaze up to his face, pausing on the gentle curve of his upturned lips and then settling on the starlight and armor-light reflected in his eyes. My ribs ached from my heart pressing against it, but…it wasn't fluttering like a bird in a cage the same way it had with Michael.

I…didn't mind Rowen's arm around me. Since I had relaxed, I even found myself leaning into him just the littlest bit. And now that I thought about it, I couldn't remember the last time Michael had—if ever—held me like this.

I hesitantly allowed my head to rest against the curve of his shoulder. "Arigato, Ro-niichan."

His cheek rested against my head, and I felt him smile.

Yeah. This was…nice.

A wide, loud yawn caught me off-guard. Rowen's chest rumbled with a quiet laugh as I rubbed my eyes and ducked my head sheepishly. "Maybe you should go back to sleep, now."

Recalling why I had stepped out in the first place, I curled my fingers around Dawn and stubbornly shook my head. "Not 'til Alexa comes in."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "Are you sure? It might be a while…"

I nodded emphatically—then poked the hand holding Halo. "And no using Strata as an excuse to send me inside, Mr. Sandman."

He lifted it appeasingly. "Hey, I'm not quite one hundred percent in control of that particular power yet. It's more of an area of effect type deal."

"Mmhm… Sure," I replied, narrowing my eyes and raising a brow at him.

He rolled the little orb between his fingers, watching the twisting crystal cast rainbow fractals. "I promise neither of us will go inside before Alexa." He looked down at me. "Is that acceptable?"

I nodded, eyelids sliding shut and open again in a slow blink.

He smiled, his hand squeezing my arm comfortably.

With my watch and phone both left inside, the night—early morning, really, that period known as zero-dark-thirty—dragged on infinitesimally slow. My head sagged a couple times, eyelashes grazing my cheek for brief seconds before my hair or ear brushing Rowen's chest would startle me back into at least partial wakefulness. Somewhere in there, I recognized the rough asphalt-like texture of shingling under my back and side. My brain had stopped thinking about the implications of such things long before, however.

The last sensations I could recall were Halo's faint glow, warm skin under my cheek, and a slow, steady heartbeat in my ear.


	27. Chapter 27

**Warnings:** domestic violence aftermath, parental abuse aftermath, self harm, death, PTSD

* * *

 _Chapter 27_

—A—

My body and mind were best described as "cool" upon waking up. It was like the night had never left; everything was still, and calm, and dark, and stars dazzled behind my eyelids. The whole scene was peaceful enough I didn't care to open my eyes, but instead succumb right back to the sleep my body so desperately wanted.

It wasn't exactly unconsciousness, when I curled back up in the blankets. It was dream-like recollections of Rowen talking to me as he carried Tessa inside the house. He had volunteered she was alright, that she had relaxed at realizing I was safe. But it had turned immediately to if I was okay, especially after my less than warm reaction those two had apparently talked about some of the things I wanted to talk to her about.

He'd said that he didn't want to replace me, wishing she had spoken to me as well. That asking her to stop talking to me was the same thing as asking Sage to stop talking to him, which wasn't going to happen. Trying to reassure me.

I hated being read.

I hated how I was surrounded by people who knew what all my warning signs looked like, without the ability to censor my words and expressions through text. Everything I had been afraid of, at the start of all of this, was coming true.

My own frustration and anger began burning away the coolness of night, waking me up far earlier than I wanted to. The clock read eleven, and from Tessa being a rock beside me, she wasn't about to wake up.

Of course Rowen put more sleep spell on her than me. He cared for her more. She deserved the night's sleep, his love interest deserved it after going up on the roof to talk to him and spill her heart out, never mind I had been awake for longer, gotten less sleep, and was injured. Nevermind it all.

I punched the side of the mattress. None of this was _fair_.

Tessa jumped, slightly, in response. Tears burned the corner of my eyes I had woken her up, I had failed at something else, I had lost control of myself in a way that had impacted somebody else. I buried my face in the pillow, determined to not cry.

I heard her sit up and rub her eyes. "Sis? S'everything okay?"

I shifted away from her, slightly, my back more firmly towards her. A disgruntled sound in the back of my throat was her answer, half muffled by the pillow.

"Alexa…?" she asked hesitantly, carefully resting a hand on my shoulder.

I pulled the covers up more, pressing my face into the pillow. If I started talking, I would start crying, and I didn't want to do either. She lay back down next to me and wrapped her arms around me, concern a noted presence in Dawn. Stubbornly pressing down in some hope I would open up.

I scrunched my eyes shut, tears pushing their way out. "Lemmealone…"

She shook her head stubbornly. "I… We _need_ to talk…"

I _wanted_ to make a snippy comment about how she had just talked with Rowen, so she didn't need to talk with me… but that would just lead to a fight. Despite everything, that was the _last_ thing I wanted. "What about?"

She pulled back to hug her legs. "I… Well, I…had a nightmare, last night. Kinda." She sighed. "'M. Sorry for not…talking to you, earlier."

I glanced down, staying under the blankets. Again, I wanted to pick a fight, but again, I decided it wasn't worth it. "Apology accepted." I sighed, trying to take the blame on myself to get a better result. "S'not like I was in the most receptive frame of mind…"

She shook her head. " _I_ was the one who wasn't open to talking… Just. Didn't even want to acknowledge it." She swallowed. "Until…"

That officially broke my heart, sending every piece of anger and bitterness deep underground where they belonged. I turned around to hug her around the middle. "I know." I laughed softly. "I… wanted you to acknowledge it because I knew what they put you through and how… those wounds fester."

Her dry chuckle cut off abruptly, voice shrinking with something. "I…thought… I thought M-Michael had come back for me, last night…"

I pushed myself up and hugged her tightly, trying to impress a shield against the world that nothing could pass through. Of all nights to have left her alone, I had to pick _that_ night. "I won't let him hurt you again, sis. Promise."

She squeezed me and hid in the curve of my neck. "I know b-but… He knows where we live, where I go to school, where… And we don't know where _they_ are. It's just a matter of _time_ …!"

I smoothed a hand over her hair. "And if they try anything we'll get Liv on them faster than you can say 'warrant'." I paused to let her laugh, smiling a bit to myself. "It'll be okay. It's not okay now because it's not the end."

She clenched her fists in my PJ top with a sob. "I just want this to be _over_ with so I can get on with my life."

Dusk flinched involuntarily at hearing my own words out of her mouth. I hoped she didn't notice. "I know. It's okay. We'll get there eventually."

She sucked in a breath, forcing herself to stop crying before she looked up at me. "And we'll get _you_ there, too, I promise. Like I've—I've always told you. You have a family with me. We'll do everything we can to help." She hugged me again, face back against my chest as she sniffed. "You're not _alone_ …"

"That's why I said 'we'." I chuckled, darkly. Too darkly even for me. "I didn't want to drag you into this so you wouldn't feel the same things I was…"

She shook her head vigorously. "I don't care. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Ijust…" She paused to gather her thoughts, taking a few breaths. "Fuck the cult. I can handle them. I— It's— _M-Michael_ …"

I grinned. "Leave _him_ to me." I turned towards her. "I'm pretty sure I broke his rib when I was leaving the compound…"

She smiled weakly. "Sekhmet said he burned him, with acid from his swords…" Every ounce of lightness vanished, her voice going small again. "He's…gonna be _so_ pissed at us."

I nodded, unable to deny that. "So he's going to get sloppy. If you want the darkest bright side ever."

She was silent in response to that, Dawn not quite believing me and me not knowing what the next act could be. I had to admit, I was a little nervous not knowing what could happen next. Michael could get more sophisticated now that he was with my mom. She was smart enough to have two levels of separation for kidnapping me, to the point the police nearly didn't have forensics. And with this one, everything was too magical for us to press charges this time. They could keep everything magical, tying our hands until they slipped.

Tessa's stomach broke any brooding I could get into. I patted her back with a soft smile. "Let's see what Cye's cooking."

She managed to return it, scrubbing the salt off her cheeks as she pulled back.

Happy voices from the living room made me pause midway down the stairs. I quickly peeked out to see Dad, Sage, and Kento piled on the available seating, with Dad and Kento playing video games while Sage watched. Tessa hung back with me, puzzled. I shook my head softly. "I'll… be back in a bit."

I went back upstairs and shut the door behind me, leaning back against it to keep it shut.

Trigger warning: video games.

Not just video games. But video games as a group activity, doubly so when parents were involved.

My mom hated video games. My mom hated my dad had played video games. My mom had kept me from playing video games my whole life because she didn't want me to turn into a neglectful, abusive, self-centred bastard like my dad. Because video games meant ignoring the person sitting right beside you. And seeing my dad play video games with everyone having fun and everyone included even those who watched and—

I hadn't wanted that fucking seal to be broken. I really hadn't wanted it broken but Sage had insisted and now I was angry at him because he could have just _not healed me_ except I already hurt enough even with his healing and…

I wanted to rip my skin off.

I _really_ wanted to rip my skin off.

But I couldn't cut I couldn't scream I couldn't do anything in this house, everyone was watching too closely, everyone was too interested in keeping me safe from myself. I was stuck in this stupid house with people playing stupid group video games and proving everything I had ever known wrong all at once.

I couldn't be wrong.

I threw on workout clothes and went back out, making a pointed effort to avoid the kitchen and ignore any pleasantries called from the living room. At least they didn't press too hard against the wall I put up. At least they tried to give me the illusion of being left alone. They were still checking to make sure I didn't go too far.

Once outside, I found some place shaded where the grass was already tamped down— out of sight from everything. Kicking up my old dance class' warm up music was like coming home, the movements automatic by now. Not thinking as I went through the motions made them easier to do, so I let my mind half-wander.

I knew I was being unfair. I knew it. Had Sage not healed me I would've been in trouble and he kept me out of hospital; it wasn't Dad's fault my mom was a projecting witch who put all of her own shortcomings on other people. But my mom wasn't an available target right now, and they were, and I didn't want to hurt them but I wanted to destroy them but I didn't want to destroy them I wanted to destroy myself for wanting to destroy them.

I took a breath and focused on stretching. Holding my foot behind my butt turned into leaning forward while keeping the grip, arm extended forward for balance, back arching and foot going up to stretch as deeply as possible, as painfully as possible.

A pop and four new armour signatures had my arm frantically going down to catch myself before I faceplanted into the grass. It turned to half falling forward anyway, knees meeting ground to avoid a dislocation.

" _Your sense of timing is_ impeccable…"

The Warlords and Kayura didn't even try to hide their amusement. Dais spoke for the group. " _We could say the same about yours."_

Upon realizing he meant my catch to avoid eating dirt, I laughed as I stood. A quick back and forth to ask if they minded if I finished had them going inside, running into Ryo, Cye, and Tessa in the kitchen. Hopefully that would avoid every armour signature doubling down on trying to sense me like they had since we came back from the compound.

By the time I plopped on the ground to the second song of warm-up, the most painful and therefore most relieving part, any illusion of that shattered with the armour signatures focusing on me and Dawn.

I bent over my outstretched legs, determined to ignore them for a _little_ longer.

Cale came back out to find me, pausing a few feet away. "We were hoping to teach you more about Kinkou, if you would be willing. Perhaps go over the armours' full abilities."

I simply shifted position, legs out to the side and flopping over to reach my foot with an arm above my head. "Later?"

Fabric rustling indicated he'd shifted his weight. "If you mean after breakfast, the Ronin have it waiting."

I grit my teeth, leaning over my other leg. " _Later_."

He pressed on. "You and Akatsuki should learn the full extent of your yoroi."

I reached through the middle of my legs, hamstrings and hip flexors stretching to the point of blissfully agonizing pain. "Then train with her, she needs it."

He realized there was more to my resistance and changed tactics. "Why would we not need to train with you?"

I looked up at him in jeans and a t-shirt, his thumbs _casually_ hooked into his belt loops. I frowned at that casual gesture. "I obviously know how to handle it. You saw it yourself. She's the one who doesn't know anything."

"You admitted yourself your own training might be incomplete."

I returned to trying to get my chest against the grass. "I'm not pulling up Dusk."

He paused, studying me, sensing Dusk— sensing cracks I did not want anyone to find. "Because you're disgusted with it."

I froze.

He continued, knowing he had found exactly what it was. "All of us were disgusted with our yoroi, after Arago was overthrown. It took us many years to even think of healing."

I grit my teeth and looked away. "I'm not going to heal."

"Had it not been for one of us who succeeded, we wouldn't have believed it, ourselves." He stepped closer, close enough to lay a hand on my shoulder. "Would you like to speak with him?"

I sat up and closed my legs, carefully bringing them up to my chest so I could lean against them. "The… Warlord you mentioned, that night? Who…"

His hand squeezed. "Died protecting Kayura. His name is Anubis."

I hugged my knees tighter. "The guys are going to kill you for taking me without telling them."

A soft laugh was my response. "You'll only be gone a few minutes, even if you spend hours in the youjakai. Time moves much slower there than it does here."

I swallowed and looked down at the grass. "I'd like to talk to him."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders before the world pressed down on me, everything going _dark_ before releasing with a pop. I gasped softly, faint twinges in my injuries at the memory of last time I had teleported.

The wood floors under us were inhumanly smooth, the air itself feeling alive. I uncurled out of my ball and looked around to the paper screen walls, the lanterns and torches flickering but otherwise unfailing in their light. Along one wall was a small table, a white urn decorated with what looked like monsters painted in blue on it— full of rice, two chopsticks sticking straight up. Incense burned on either side of it, the smoke unfailing and no signs of ash ever falling.

I knew enough about Japan to spot a shrine to the dead when I saw it.

"Anubis?" Cale called softly. "There's someone here to see you."

A breeze swept through the space, scattering the smoke until it created a silhouette. In the span of a blink, a long haired man in a loose robe belted at the waist appeared where the smoke had collected, standing like he had always been there.

I swallowed. Despite talking to ghosts on the regular, I had never actually _seen_ one before… except for that one demon in my parents' place— and this was much different from that terrifying memory. He looked… peaceful. Even though he towered over me, I didn't feel small.

The man, Anubis, stepped forward and bowed, hands folded in billowy sleeves. "A pleasure to meet you."

Cale put a hand on my shoulder. "Anubis, this is Kure."

"My actual name is Alexa," I said quickly.

Anubis laughed. "It would be too familiar to call you by your name, for us having just met."

The humour brought a lopsided smile to my lips. "Right. Japan."

"I believe the others described it in terms of old dogs and new tricks." He sat across from me, waiting for my quiet chuckle to die down before speaking again. "I take it you had a reason to speak with me?"

I looked down at my lap, one hand absently rubbing my bicep and carefully avoiding the scabs lest they start itching. I didn't want to talk. It had been my idea to talk, and I didn't want to talk. I hated my own trauma's circular loops, sometimes. "How much do you know?"

He tilted his head to the side. "I would rather work with your knowledge of the situation, so I do not accidentally say something that surprises you."

I brought my knees back up to my chest, arms tight around them. "I don't want to talk about it."

He let silence sit for a few moments. "Would you like to hear how I found my peace?"

I swallowed. "I don't want to hear how you died, if that's what 'peace' means."

He shook his head, ghostly hair swishing with the movement. "I would stop before then."

I thought about it. Curiosity prickled along my mind, trying to imagine what he could tell me but failing to imagine healing from this. Cale's hand going slowly up and down my back helped keep me from getting lost in my own mind, both of them silent as I thought.

I exhaled. "I kinda just want to be talked at for a bit."

Anubis' smile was small, but honest. "The _mashou_ were much the same."

Cale chuckled. "We had to re-learn how to be human, after four centuries under Arago. We didn't want to interact with others, after having spent so long only acting in violence and pain. I preferred the company of animals for many years."

I flinched. "Didn't think I had a club to join."

Anubis laid his hand on my arm, about to speak before pulling his hand away in shock. Before I could ask what was wrong, he placed his hand on my arm, more firmly this time. "Can you… feel this?"

I frowned and nodded.

Cale reached forward and gripped Anubis' other hand, apparition with flesh. Cale's hand left my back, both clasped around the ghost's. "It's… good to touch you again, friend."

Anubis hesitantly let go of me, placing his hand over Cale's. "I… I never thought I would."

I stared at the exchange, about to say something when Kayura popped in. Her rushing to Anubis' shoulder and poking him preempted throwing her arms around his neck, Anubis releasing Cale to pull her onto his lap and hug her. Almost immediately she started crying, speaking in Japanese. Within seconds the other Warlords had joined, all reaching for their old friend for the sake of simple touch.

I sank back down until my mouth was covered by my knees. "Death powers are good for something, I guess."

That returned Anubis' attention to me. "This is your doing?"

I shrugged. "Subconsciously, or something. I've always talked to ghosts, and I call myself a death witch, so…"

Anubis untangled from the others, even patting Kayura's back so she would let go. "I believe we can all agree a reunion can wait."

I shook my head. "Go on, s'not like I'm talking…"

He shook his head in reply. "Not when I was the one who interrupted our conversation."

Dais cleared his throat. "We might request you return, soon, for…"

Anubis inclined his head. "All our sakes, I believe."

I tried to keep my voice flat, with that, all of this just a reminder of how I could be used. "Whatever you want."

Kayura, Dais, and Sekhmet poofed out of the room, Cale encouraging me to sit beside him again after I had moved away to give everyone else space.

Anubis placed his hand back on my arm. "We have had six years to reconcile. You do not have that fortune."

I glanced down at his hand, trying to ignore my rolling feelings. "You'd been about to tell me how you started… finding peace."

He nodded, leaning back to not be touching me. "It happened after Arago punished me for my… slights. I had failed to subdue the Ronin, and in retaliation he… forced youja to consume me, to increase my power. I was succeeding in attacking them, at a great emotional and physical cost. Kaos stepped in and removed the youja, rendering me unconscious. When I awoke next, I was in a garden. He told me there was another path to take, another path I could pledge my loyalty to."

I slowly tapped my toes against the floor, hung up on a single, consuming thought. "Lucky."

Nobody had ever stepped in so overtly, for me. Nobody had ever noticed, nobody had ever come in and saved me. I'd had to figure it all out on my own, nobody ever sitting me down and saying "your mom's wrong, you can be somebody else." It's why I had tried to say it to those kids. It's why I doubted I'd be enough. It's why I just wanted to scream because it's not like anybody would ever step in if I had a problem, because people didn't believe problems on my scale existed.

He inclined his head. "In many ways, I was incredibly lucky. Kaos offered me compassion that I did not deserve, which allowed for the beginning of my redemption… and compelled me to be the same compassionate force for others. But my path has not been an easy one, despite the luck."

My gaze stayed stuck on my toes. "I deserve it even less than you."

He was silent, for a few moments. Ghosts' emotions were always on the difficult side to pick up, and I could've maybe looked at his face to see what it was, but I didn't want to see what shock looked like on him. "What makes you say that?"

Again, I slowly tapped my toes on the floor. "I willingly use youja. You didn't. You were punished with it."

Cale rested his hand on my back again. "The other mashou and I chose it, after discovering how much favour Anubis had gained by receiving it."

I clamped my mouth shut.

"Learning to use the tools you have been given does not make you less deserving of redemption," Anubis said softly. "It simply shows your willingness to survive."

My eyes scrunched shut. I could feel tears rimming themselves along my lashes, begging to be let out.

Anubis laid his hand on my arm again, gently tugging me forward. I tipped until I was pressed against his chest, his presence overwhelmingly strong and _peaceful_ this close. Something about his calm made me cry hader, wrapping my arms around him and him feeling more real than any of the humans I had interacted with today.

He held me, physical form still present but spirit wrapping completely around me so it was like the outside world didn't exist. "You have already chosen to place your loyalty elsewhere, Kure. You have chosen to serve a different master than what you were taught. You have already begun your journey to redemption, regardless of whether or not you believe you have."

I gripped his robe, sniffing to try and attempt talking. "I'll always be able to use youja, I can't escape it."

"You can use it for good," Cale said from behind me. "Had you not been able to, the rescue would not have been possible."

I sobbed again, higher pitched, burrowing into Anubis and appreciating his arms around me.

I still hated myself. I still didn't believe I deserved any of this. I just wanted to cry and hide and not face anyone or anything and _not exist_ for awhile.

They had said I could stay here for hours, and only be gone minutes. I could have a break. I could not exist for awhile.

I clung tighter to Anubis, overwhelmed with relief that just once, just this once, I could get my wish.

—0—

"Kure may be leaving for a few minutes, shortly," Dais said, interrupting the previous conversation about the merits of armour training.

Rekka went immediately to boiling. The thought of any yoroi leaving with the _mashou_ was something none of them had faced since the War. And now they had left Alexa alone with them twice in a week. He was only barely containing himself when he snapped, "Where are you taking her?"

"The youjakai," Dais replied, voice the same stoicism as before. "Cale offered her a conversation with Anubis."

Tessa looked lost in the resulting back and forth, but Cye was a little too focused on the situation at hand— and diffusing that information to the other yoroi— to provide backstory. "Is she alright?"

Dais at least was trying to be reassuring. "Physically, she's fine. Emotionally—"

Kure vanished from the area. Ryo's fist immediately tightened, trying to ground himself in the present. Kourin, Kongo, and to an extent Suiko were all having similar problems, the three of them caught up in remembering what had happened to bring _them_ to the youjakai.

Tessa was still trying to make sense of it all. "She seemed…kind of okay, when we talked…"

Dais nodded. "It… is difficult to come to terms with your yoroi after having defected from somebody such as Arago, or his power."

She frowned. "Is… _that_ what's bothering her?"

Kayura was slightly more adept at showing compassion than the older _mashou_. "It is not our place to say, but as evident she has taken Cale's offer."

Tessa looked down guiltily. Ryo uncharacteristically ignored her. "She'd better be okay."

Kourin was unusually bright in the connection, trying to reassure Ryo he was there. Suiko and Kongo quickly matched intensity to do what they could; Rekka hadn't had anyone vanish since Sage's attempt.

Sekhmet inclined his head. "Time moves differently in the youjakai. They should return within mere minutes, here."

"That would explain our experiences, at least…" Cye said quietly.

"It is why we have only aged a few years in centuries," Dais responded. His voice roughened on the last word, something passing between the seasonal armours that was hidden from the Ronin.

Kayura vanished. Dais only offered a simple "Excuse us" before he and Sekhmet followed.

All of them stared at where the mashou had been around the kitchen table, glancing between each other.

What was that all about?

Dais returned before any of them could even think about processing what had happened. "Apologies. It would appear Kure's abilities over death… allowed Anubis to gain more strength."

Did… his voice have a waver to it? Everyone continued looking between each other, Sage joining them to see what had just happened for himself. All of them felt at a loss for what that was about; Dais' explanation left more questions than answers. Only one had returned, which just deepened the mystery.

When nobody knew how to continue, Cye leaned against the counter and asked, "What…does that mean, exactly?"

Dais took what could only be described as a steadying breath. "Anubis has been a ghost for the past six years, a presence more like… water, than… anything physical. Kure, with her power over death, was able to lend him extra strength. We were finally… able to touch him."

Cye's heart— all of their hearts, really— went out to the pain in Dais' voice. Anubis' death had hurt them, deeply. Despite the ghost they hadn't had touch, true connection lacking after he had made the ultimate sacrifice to protect people who, at the time, had been trying to kill him for his change of heart.

It was like watching White Blaze die, only Anubis had never truly come back to life.

Tessa chuckled softly, sounding more like her sister than herself. "She…did always say she was a death witch…"

Dais addressed the younger girl as Rowen walked into the kitchen. "You should have powers over life, Akatsuki."

She blinked in response, taken aback by the casual reveal of an incredibly potent power. It took all of a breath for Tenku to be brought up to speed, for how he had woken up from their collective stress.

Sage leaned against a chair. "How much did that _cost_ her?"

Kento, Sage, and Cye could still remember the pain that had cut across them as Arago stole their powers for his own ends. Memories Cye had thought were long-faded now fresh with the reminder they could still travel between worlds.

Dais' voice was still hampered by some emotion. "Nothing that we could determine."

Rowen put a hand on Sage's back, helping him come down from his memory. Slowly, all five of the Ronin's yoroi unwound from themselves to reach out to the other. Only one was missing from their number, she had gone voluntarily, and she would only be a few minutes.

Still, Cye had gripped the counter so tightly that his hands were beginning to cramp. He shook them out by his sides, internally murmuring about his subconscious being more scarred than he liked to believe. He was safe. She was safe. Everyone was going to end up alright.

Although… if she was in so much pain she had agreed to talk to Anubis…

Just as Kayura had promised, Alexa returned within minutes. Her signature and Cale's appeared on the porch, behind the doors— Cye couldn't help but feel compassion for how small she felt, how much she still shied away from their signatures.

Ryo opened the door, stepping aside to let her in. His concern for her was written all over his face, desperately wanting to know his triggers were wrong. "You okay?"

She nodded, rubbing her eyes. Her tone was forced-light. "Had a nap. Haven't quite woken up yet…"

"That's the shortest power nap I've ever heard of," Rowen replied with a soft smile, more genuine in his lightness.

Ryo put a hand on her shoulder as an invitation to a hug. She accepted, him maneuvering so her arms were around his neck and he could lift her off the ground as he held her tightly. While none of them could hear or really sense what passed between them, the sheer force of how much he wanted to make sure she was okay looked suspiciously like Sage's care of her. And the way she responded, tucking herself against him and rubbing his back softly, also didn't look quite like a passing interest.

Suiko and Kongo exchanged looks. Had they picked the wrong Bearer to match with her?

Once Alexa was back on her feet, she addressed the group as a whole. "I told Cale you'd kill them for taking me without warning so I hope they warned you."

Everyone nodded. Tessa wormed her way through the group to hug her sister tightly; a gesture Alexa returned stiffly. After a few moments, she relaxed into it, resting her head on her sister's shoulder and wrapping her arms tight around her, hands fisting in Tessa's shirt. Cye was too far away to make out what they said, but he could sense the depth of connection between the two.

Once Alexa pulled back, she rubbed an eye. "So… training?"

Cale shook his head. "I think you've done enough for today."

Alexa met his statement with a wide-eyed blink. "I just had a nap."

"And it would appear you could use two more," Cale replied fondly. The Ronin tried to hide their shock.

Cale. Saying something _fondly_. He sounded like any of the Ronin did when talking to the younger siblings of any of their families. Kourin retreated in the connection at the oddness, his previous memories for that voice overwhelming. Sage himself backed up against Rowen, who wrapped an arm around him to keep him in the present.

Cye extended Suiko towards the _mashou_ , requesting they stay once the conversation had passed. He wanted to finish the verbal conversation before speaking to them, however— and he guessed Alexa would be at a loss for what to do except work. "Maybe we should go out and do something together, for fun."

Sage nodded, trying to draw himself back to normalcy. "This is our first trip to North America, after all."

Tessa glanced around the group. "Well…what do you all want to do?"

Cye chuckled softly. "If swimming is a possibility, that would be my preferred choice."

The Ronin laughed, Ryo tossing on, "Of course it is."

Rowen smiled. "Hey, I'm not objecting."

Alexa brightened at the possibility, odd for a yoroi of fire. "That'd be fun, but…"

Sage glanced at her and softened. "I can finish healing your wounds tonight and we can go tomorrow, if you're worried."

She nodded, relieved at the possibility of not being injured.

Kento and Derick walked in from the other room, their match of Smash Brothers finished. He took one glance between Cye and Rowen's eagerness and threw his head back with a groan. "Don't tell me we're going swimming…"

Even Alexa laughed at that joke.

Ryo matched Kento's tone. "We'd better _not_ be going all day."

Sage reached over and ruffled Kento's hair. "He and Ryo are our resident land lovers."

Kento snorted. "Says the guy who meditates under waterfalls."

Tessa burst out laughing at that, Akatsuki completely caught off guard.

Sage grinned, more like his old self than he'd been all week. "That's why I'm not one of them."

"Seriously? Waterfalls?" Tessa asked disbelievingly.

Sage nodded. "The weight of the water helps calm me. Cye attempts to teach me how to free dive, but…"

Cye couldn't help but laugh at the look Sage cast him, one filled with every memory of Cye severely underestimating how much a normal person could hold their breath and how much water pressure they could take, for how he had Suiko and hung out with ocean-trained lifeguards, SCUBA divers, and other free-divers.

"There's a reason I didn't sign up for the Navy," Tessa deadpanned.

All of them laughed; Derick affectionately at his military daughter, Alexa more free but something about it didn't sound quite right. She didn't let anyone comment on it, though. "My family loves to tell the story of me jumping into the deep end. Age two. I couldn't swim."

Derick snorted at that. "You just about gave me a heart attack." He gave Tessa a chastising look, no malice in it. "Tessa thought it would be funny to imitate you. Luckily she was a little farther away from the pool, so I could catch her quicker than I did you."

Kento hooked his thumb at Cye. "His mom likes to tell the story of the time he was almost swept out to sea. At four."

Cye chuckled softly, memories on the edges of his consciousness before his father had passed on. He was thankful he had such vivid ones; he was secure in the knowledge he would never truly forget them. "That's when my father decided to teach me how to sail. So I could see the open ocean without swimming in it."

"Not like _that_ 's stopped you," Ryo responded with a sly grin.

Rowen swiped half of an onigirazu and began munching on it. "Yeah, he probably just delayed the inevitable by about a handful of years."

Derick glanced at everyone in the room, filling the gap now that the conversation had ended. "Wanna join us for another round of Smash?"

Alexa took in a shaky breath, collapsing in on herself. Something about those games must have triggered her, for how she had gone to hide upon seeing them play, according to Sage. "I'll… watch."

Rowen glanced down at her, fondly. "Or do you want to watch me play Twilight Princess again?"

She pointed at him as an answer.

Rowen, Sage, Tessa, Derick, and Alexa all left the kitchen. Sage had lingered behind to make sure he was on Alexa's other side as she walked out with her sister, placing a hand on her back in comfort that whatever had happened to make her upset when she'd first come down was alright; Alexa leaned into him, slightly, at the exchange. They left Ryo, Kento, and Cye alone with the mashou.

Cye kept his voice down, not quite comfortable opening a telepathic connection between himself and the _mashou_ outside of an emergency. "Can you watch the cult, while we're resting?"

Cale and Dais nodded. "We have been attempting to track Deborah and Michael since we left, but they are better at covering their tracks than we anticipated," Cale said, voice equally low.

Ryo grit his teeth. "Bastards _would_ be good at this."

Kento crossed his arms. "Would Alexa know how to track them?"

Dais shrugged. "Perhaps. But for how she did not immediately sound the alarm with Michael…"

Cye dropped his chin to his chest. "We'll create a circle around the house, before leaving, as backup. But… anything you can do…"

"We can also establish a perimeter with our yoroi, should you wish to keep your own," Dais responded. "It is the least we can do."

All three of them murmured their thanks before the _mashou_ left.

Cye took a breath. All he could do was follow Suiko, follow the tides.

They were at the mercy of the winter sea— cruel, unforgiving, and powerful. And all they could do was try to heal as quickly as possible before the cult struck again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Warnings:** Fluff ahead

* * *

 _Chapter 28_

—T—

A day at the pool was literally what the doctor—well, med student—had ordered.

The weather was perfect for swimsuits and cool water. A handful of fluffy clouds skittered across the sky, occasionally offering a moment of soothing shade before revealing warm sunshine again.

Which also meant slathering an entire bottle of sunscreen over my body. …Okay so that was an exaggeration. But compared to Alexa—who had gotten the tan genes of the two of us—and Sage—who was just about the only one of the Ronin to actually bother with sunscreen—it might as well have been a whole bottle.

And even in a one-piece, I knew my neck and shoulders would turn into lobster skin if I wasn't careful.

"Can you get my back?" I asked my sister, pulling my braid over my shoulder and offering the bottle to her.

She eyed it uncertainly. "… Um. I don't know if my hands will react to it. I've never been able to wear sunscreen without turning red…"

"…Oh. Right." Her allergies. Outwardly, I gave her an embarrassed smile; inwardly, I tried to ignore nervous butterflies because now I'd have to ask one of the guys to reach where I couldn't.

Exactly when I'd been trying to avoid openly staring at them.

I glanced toward the water as two of our number bolted for the pool. Cye and Rowen swan dove in one after the other; the minute they surfaced, they splashed and grappled for an opening to dunk the other. Ryo and Kento soon followed, whooping and hollering as they cannonballed in. Alexa was close on their heels, but watched the antics from the safety of the pool's edge, letting her legs adjust to the water temperature.

' _Good thing they're getting_ that _out of their system before I get in,'_ I thought, feeling like the sweatdrop emoji.

Unless things moved to where my feet could touch the ground, that splash fight was a battle I'd already lost.

Thankfully, Sage had hung back a bit since he was applying his own sunblock. I held my bottle out to him. "Alexa said she might be allergic. Could you…?"

He smiled warmly. "If you don't mind returning the favor."

…As much as I wanted to _avoid_ putting my hands on the most amount of skin I'd ever seen Sage show, I couldn't exactly say no. Health concerns and all.

A few minutes later, we joined the group. Sage made a clean dive in, slicing toward them below the surface while I hopped in off the ledge. He leaped onto Kento's back and shoved him under, before Ryo and Alexa ganged up on _him_ in turn.

I, meanwhile, snuck up on Cye and Rowen. The former had gotten the latter in a headlock—but only for a second before Strata flipped him forward with the kind of strength expected from one with Kento's build.

Someone splashed me from behind. I wheeled around to cast water back at my attacker only to find _more_ water spraying at me. The gleeful laugh told me it was Kento.

Before I could do more than try to wipe water away from my closed eyes, strong arms closed around me and held me in place. Despite my squirming and squeals of protest—not to mention the fact _he_ got caught in the crossfire—the other Ronin held me fast.

So I leaned back, picked my legs up, and kicked up a geyser in front of me.

Rowen's laughter tickled my ear. He straightened, lifting me partway out of the water, and took a quick breath.

I did, too—right before he dunked us both.

By the time the lifeguards blew the whistle for adult swim, even the guys sounded winded and ready for a break. Alexa had already retreated to the chairs sometime beforehand. I hauled myself up over the ledge first and walked over to our little section of chairs, wringing the chlorine water from my hair and watching the guys disperse.

Cye, of course, immediately went for the lap lanes.

I glanced back and opened my mouth to make a comment to Alexa about it, only to notice how small she appeared. She sat on her pool chair and stared down at the ground, one knee pulled up and hugged to her chest.

Licking my chapped lips, I moved past the end of the long chairs and sat on my own beside her. "Tired?" I asked quietly—hoping it wasn't the _wrong_ thing to ask.

We were supposed to be unwinding. As difficult as I knew that could be…

"Hm?" She blinked, then glanced up at me when she realized what I said. "Oh. Yeah, a bit…"

I smiled a little at her. "Looked like you were enjoying the water, at least." My grin grew, thinking back on some of the horseplay. "You got Ryo pretty good a couple times there."

She laughed softly. "If I had the energy I'd be joining Cye."

Shaking my head, I retorted lightly, "You're welcome to 'em! I hate laps."

Her smirk back at me was only half-hearted. "Lifeguard training never dies, I guess, even if you never were a lifeguard."

"Yeah," I agreed, chuckling. That reminded me of something, and I dragged a hand down my face. "I struggled sooo much in my water survival class…!"

"My step dad said head-up front crawl was one of the hardest moves you could do. I feel like saying 'what, like it's hard?' every time I do it," she said with another laugh.

That got an amused snort. "You should have been a Pisces instead of a Libra," I deadpanned—before grinning impishly.

One eyebrow arched delicately at that. "You're the water sign out of us."

…I couldn't even. "That would be just like us to get the OPPOSITE sign from what fits us."

This time was my twin's turn to deadpan. "Says the Air Force recruit to the air sign."

There was just absolutely no coming back from that. I could _feel_ yet another anime face fault moment happening in real life.

When a few moments passed where nothing more was said, I looked over at Alexa concernedly. She had gone back to her musings, this time staring out across the pool where children were now beginning to rejoin the adult swimmers. A quick glance at the water showed that of the Ronin, only Cye remained.

Back to my sister, though.

"Whatcha thinking?" I prompted quietly.

She half-startled again. "Oh. Just… armours."

I cocked my head to one side. "What about them?"

She sighed quietly. "Apparently I'm _not_ corrupted for life."

I carefully stretched a hand over to rest on her shoulder, Dawn saying she could continue if she wanted.

Slowly, she did. "Anubis was. Talking. About what happened once Arago was overthrown. It was… weird to hear it."

That piqued my interest a bit. I leaned back in my chair, mulling over what little I knew about those events. "The guys haven't said a lot about…any of that, really."

Alexa shrugged. "Well… their perspective is going to be a lot different from the guys. The Warlords spent the past four hundred years living under Arago, they barely remember their lives before their armours, and they had to rebuild their existence from scratch." After a moment, she added, "Didn't. Think anybody had that experience except me."

I smiled sadly at her. "As…much as that sucks… I'm glad you're able to have someone to talk to."

Something about that didn't sit right with her. Her body language tensed, and she said nothing in reply. I internally sighed, half kicking myself that I'd caused her to clam up again when we were trying to have a day off from all the doom and gloom. Hoping to find something that could take her mind off it, I scanned the poolside for anything inviting.

I nearly didn't notice a familiar head of blond hair peeking above a cluster of women by the concession stand.

Poor Sage.

I chuckled a bit and directed Alexa's attention that way. "Uh oh. Looks like Sage found a new harem. Or maybe I should say, _they_ found _him_."

That perked her up, head lifting to zero in on the location I'd pointed out to her. "A very unwelcome one. Poor guy. No wonder he's always with Rowen."

Amusement filtered through Dusk as the other half of Balance and a pointing finger drew my attention in another direction. Rowen moved casually but quickly toward the group, only my familiarity with him giving away the line of tension that hurried his steps to his friend's side.

"Shame those girls are jerks. They're cute."

I hardly heard Alexa's comment. Something about Rowen going to Sage's rescue should not have popped a bubble I'd hardly, consciously noticed before then. I continued to watch, though, as the Ronin of Air slung an arm around Sage's shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. He completely ignored the gaggle of women as he steered Halo away from them, their ensuing chatter inaudible from this distance.

They were certainly quite a dashing pair—I could see why some people would find it hard to believe they _weren't_ an item. The differences in their build were far more apparent shirtless, too. Sage's torso looked wide as a truck; guiding a bokken or a katana (let alone an odachi) through precise kata for hours wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Although…I recalled Sage saying he'd incorporated weightlifting into his workouts. That would certainly explain the similarities between his and Kento's body mass.

Rowen, meanwhile, had the huge calves and thighs of a runner. His back and shoulders, built up by archery, were to _die_ for. And while I'd never thought I could be the type to like staring at a guy's arms…

Suddenly, I found myself thinking back to the closet in the compound, and what those muscles had felt like behind layers of cloth under my hands.

Shaking my head _very_ firmly—whether to dispel thoughts, images, or both, I couldn't say—I then realized they had almost reached our seats. Trying _not_ to blush furiously and panic about how I'd just been ogling men whom I only recently considered to be like brothers, I quickly looked away.

'… _Just my luck.'_

Kento, Ryo, and a pair of girls were coming over from the opposite direction right at that moment. One in particular, a lanky dark-haired Latina, was deep in debate with Ryo. The other looked bored, like she might have been dragged along for her friend's sake.

Both parties met up right in front of Alexa and I; we stood politely to greet them. I noticed the second girl watching Rowen intently, green eyes running up and down his body like one might appraise a high-value stud. My hackles immediately rose, a silent growl in the back of my throat—

Only for a bucket of utter shame to douse my indignity. Hadn't I _just_ been doing that two seconds ago?

I felt like _such_ a dirty hypocrite.

There wasn't time to figure out exactly what about that bothered me, though. A prompt from the other armors yanked me back to reality (though metaphorically with a foot still caught in the sticky bog). Introductions had already started; the girl beside Ryo extended her hand to Cye as Wildfire said, "Luna and Iris, these are my friends."

The guys gave their names in turn. I managed to keep my greeting short without being noticeably impolite. Alexa, on the other hand, sounded almost…tongue-tied? Then I remembered how her girl-craziness often fell on par with my own boy-crazy tendencies from early college. And whether or not she realized it, Dusk had tattled that she definitely found these girls to be gorgeous.

She still managed an "It's nice to meet you," though, which was more than I had offered.

"Likewise!" Luna said brightly, leaning against an empty chair. "Ryo tells me you're on vacation from Japan?"

Iris sat on the same chair, one leg crossed over the other and leaning back on her hands. She had one of those smooth, light Southern accents that gave her voice a homey feel. "I've always wanted to go to another country."

"It's our first time out of Asia," Sage said amicably.

Alexa piggybacked on that. "This is my first time out of Canada."

"My grandparents are from Brazil, but their parents were from Japan," Luna explained. "So my parents have tried to teach me Japanese."

I found my curiosity piqued almost despite myself. Of all the places to run into someone like that…

Cye asked his question in the aforementioned language. "How have you been finding it?"

"Difficult," she responded, with a wry smile. "But enjoyable."

He smiled encouragingly, swapping back to English. "I've been listening to Kento teach Rowen Mandarin. It certainly is difficult learning other languages."

"You speak Mandarin, too?" Iris said, sounding impressed. "How many _other_ languages do you know?"

The armors had filled Alexa in on the part of the conversation she hadn't understood. Now she nodded to me. "She tries to teach me Japanese and I have given up on languages."

I ran a hand over my hair and shrugged nonchalantly. Iris gave her a sympathetic smile. "It's okay, sweetheart. I didn't catch any of what they just said either."

Dusk nudged my shoulder. " _Is 'sweetheart' like 'honey'?"_

" _Depends. Usually no. I most commonly hear it from waitresses, believe it or not."_

" _Okay, so affectionate. Good."_

I raised an eyebrow at her, Dawn transmitting just a little of my well-educated guess about why that was "good".

It distracted me momentarily from the fact that while Iris had left that "you" open to interpretation, her eyes had been _very_ clear whose answer she actually wanted to hear.

To her probable disappointment, Kento continued the line of discussion. "I know four— Japanese, English, Mandarin, and Cantonese."

"What did you say you were studying, Tessa? Besides Japanese."

I couldn't quite restrain my startled look over at Rowen. His gaze stayed firmly on my face, to my utter shock. With the way Iris had been sitting and talking, I would have almost bet money the last place those blue eyes would have been was on me. That bikini showed off flawlessly tan skin and not a little cleavage. Meanwhile I'd grabbed the only one-piece I owned—which honestly needed replacing—in order to hide the too-fresh, stark white scar.

It made no sense to me. Especially since we'd already talked about what I was studying, so why was he asking me again? Had he forgotten already?

"Arabic and Spanish," I replied, my voice a little thinner than I would have liked.

I caught Alexa's muttered "I only know French and English" just after, but the conversation moved to some other topic I wasn't interested in.

The guys must've picked up on that, because a few minutes later Cye suggested they all hop back in the water. Alexa declined—as did I, though for different reasons—while Sage mentioned something about getting some food.

Everyone else headed for the pool again.

"Would you two like anything from concessions?" Halo asked once they had left.

A hot dog and a cold drink sounded nice. Alexa asked for the same with a bag of chips.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

I looked down into the canvas beach bag with my personal items. The paperback Rowen had bought for me at Chapters what felt like forever ago stared back at me, almost mocking me. My favorite dragon bookmark stuck out from the top where I'd last left off while on the train down from Canada. So far, it'd been a fun, lighthearted little fantasy adventure in the same vein as its prequels.

I'd had every intention of finishing it when we got home, but…obviously some things had gotten in the way. At least it should be a nice escape from all the craziness, now.

As I flipped the novel open by the bookmark, it felt like something else had been stuck inside a few pages earlier. Brow furrowed, I cracked open that section to find a plain piece of paper wedged in the gap near the binding.

Like someone hadn't wanted it to accidentally fall out.

Normally, I'd think it charming to find something from a former owner in a used book. But this was a brand new book—and I'd already read past that part, so it had obviously been added since the train ride. And the only other person to handle it had been…

' _But…that doesn't make sense_ either _.'_

I took a breath. My heart fluttered oddly at this new mystery, turning the twice-folded rectangle over in my hand. No outward markings announced its intended recipient, nor its creator. I unfolded it carefully, meticulously, and maybe a little hesitantly.

I swallowed at seeing my name in Japanese at the very top. A quick scan just of the shape of the composition revealed mixed kanji and English characters.

 _Tessa-chan,_

 _Please forgive me for intruding on your space, this one time. This was the best way I could think to convey what needs to be said. After our discussion tonight, I_

A handful of words had been scratched out, as if the writer hadn't quite made up his mind what exactly to say.

 _felt you deserved to know, one way or another, my truth. (And while I understand notes like these are not standard in American culture, it_ (more words blotted out by ink) _felt apropo to use a method more suited to our personalities.)_

 _In short: My motivations for following you into the youjakai on Earth were not only simple dedication to duty or the calling to defend those who fall upon misfortune._

 _It was no lie when I said to you that I would do anything I could to protect you. However, I selfishly omitted the fact that I made such a promise prior to our discussion. Even now I remain selfish merely writing this to you, knowing you for only two weeks and knowing also how you must be struggling with the aftermath of Michael's treachery. But my conscience cannot stand leaving the depth of my care for you unacknowledged, should that inadvertently lead you on._

 _So, however this reaches you, however you receive it, I implore you please not feel any obligation or expectation to return these feelings. I wish only that you know, whatever you do with them, you forever have a loyal and faithful knight to defend your queenside._

A couple dots of ink looked like he had wanted to say more; but instead he had left only a stylized sketch of Strata's armor symbol behind.

I stared at that mark for long, long moments, my open jaw hidden behind one hand. My whole body felt tingly, heartbeat racing an outright gallop, as my mind tried to process the implications within two languages on that page. An _avalanche_ of thoughts and emotions about them buried me so deeply I couldn't even tell _what_ they were.

Desperate for help, I whipped my head up to show the note to Alexa—but she had disappeared. Before I could start to completely panic, I cast my gaze a little higher to find her and Sage coming from the direction of concessions. I blinked upon noticing each had an arm looped around the other's waist.

' _When did tha—'_ Then I remembered the fanclub Rowen had extricated the blond from earlier.

A glance at the pool almost immediately made me look _away_ again. Iris had been standing next to him, and that was as much as I wanted to know right now.

Instead, I rose quickly—nearly stepping into my bag with one foot—and moved to intercept Sage and Alexa on the other side of her beach chair. Before they could even ask, I shoved the paper in their direction; Dawn made it absolutely clear I meant for them to read it.

I winced a bit on the inside at Alexa's first reaction being slightly panicky; I'd completely forgotten there'd be a language barrier for part of it. But Sage laid a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, Dusk and Halo exchanging information as Sage slowly ran his eyes down the page. The wait was agonizing, watching his eyebrows twitch with each surprised lift while he digested Rowen's words. By the end, I was pretty sure his jaw had gone a little slack.

"It's quite the promise…" he eventually murmured.

What was that supposed to mean? What was I supposed to _do_ with that?

Alexa glanced up at Sage momentarily. Shortly after, she asked me, "How do you feel about this?"

I drew in a deep breath and shook my head. "I… I really don't know…!" I looked to Sage next, desperate for some kind of guidance. Was I utterly crazy to be reacting this way? Was any of this even true, or an elaborate prank? "Does he… _really_ …?"

He nodded slowly. "He has spoken to me about how he feels about you. He truly means every word—he would not write such a note frivolously." His warm eyes complimented a faint smile. "It is quite an honour to receive such a dedication, from him."

' _Oh God.'_ That hardly helped, if at all. How could Rowen possibly have developed such affection for me, when I'd been an utter wreck and with everything else going on?

The events in the compound came to mind again. I ruthlessly shoved them back, feeling my already-warm face flush brighter than a sunburn. Scrubbing my hands over my cheeks frantically, I stuttered out, "I… I don't know—I don't— What am I even supposed to _say_ …!"

' _What am I supposed to DO with this!'_

Nothing like this had _ever_ happened to me. I wasn't the kind of girl men fought each other over to have her affections. I was the ditzy, dorky, too-intimidating type because I could outshoot and out-swordplay most of them—and enjoy doing it. Even if one looked past that or thought I was cute before finding that out, I was _utterly_ oblivious to their flirting.

And Michael didn't count.

I didn't even want to _think_ about Michael and I, right now.

Sage's firm hand on my shoulder grounded me a little. "You don't have to say anything. I can tell you that nothing between you has changed." His lopsided grin drew a more uncertain one from me. "Except now you know you may truly call on him for anything you could need."

' _Anything I could need—'_

No. No, no, no. My brain was NOT allowed to go there.

I hung my head in my hands and groaned embarrassedly. "My life can stop being a novel anytime please!"

Dusk came close around Dawn, my sister's arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders. Her care felt like a comforting blanket in the cool shadows of night, impressing the sense of things being okay as long as she was around.

I could take a breath without feeling like someone had wrapped a metal band around my chest.

The coolness turned to a freezing chill at hearing Rowen's voice behind me.


	29. Chapter 29

**Warnings:** cult material, kidnapping, domestic violence, homophobia

* * *

 _Chapter 29_

—8—

Tessa had found his note.

And the first thing she had done was show Sage.

He had been hoping for the timing to be a _little_ more fortuitous. He'd certainly taken a gamble, opting for a note rather than what could be considered the more straightforward American method. But he hadn't exactly thought she would find it out in public. Or counted on catching the attention of another woman on their trip to the pool.

Before he could devolve too far into rationally unnecessary panic over the predicament, however, Sage sought to soothe him. " _You are the most compassionate, considerate man I have ever met."_

Rowen smiled briefly at Iris, nodding and pretending to be interested in whatever it was she was talking about. Something about a bonfire? " _Maybe I should have just written a poem, like yours."_

Sage laughed. " _You're a wonderful man, Rowen, but you are not a poet. Your note was beautiful as it was."_

His stomach coiled into knots of steel. Guilt pinched him by the scruff. " _How'd she react? I…wasn't watching."_

Kourin softened. " _She was surprised, and seems to be overwhelmed. I think she's worried about anything changing."_

Doubt joined the growing arsenal of emotions gnawing at him. Had he done the right thing after all? He had been so certain when he wrote the damn thing…

Mentally muttering some choice words directed at himself, he said, " _I should have waited until all this cult stuff settled down."_

Rowen hadn't felt Sage reach out like he did now almost since they were teenagers. " _You couldn't have, Touma-kun. Not with your nature, when someone is hurting so deeply—you try to give them something to hold onto. And you let her know she is loved, cared for. That somebody wants to be with her. Right when she doubts herself, after an abusive relationship. It… seems like she's more overwhelmed with being cared for than… anything else, and that you could not have mitigated. You couldn't mitigate it with me, after all."_

He sighed. " _I just…don't want to pressure her. Like you said, she's coming off an abusive relationship. And here I am…confessing. Of course she's probably a wreck about it."_

He glanced over to the trio and immediately zoned out of whatever Iris had been telling him. Tessa had her hands over her face, but he couldn't tell from where he sat whether she was simply uncertain, embarrassed, or crying.

Iris jumped a little when he abruptly planted his hands on the ledge behind him and hauled himself backward out of the water. "Rowen?"

But he had already continued his momentum—the motion was no different than one he'd used in parkour a thousand times—and started walking toward Sage, Alexa, and Tessa.

Iris could think he was the rudest human being on Earth for all he cared, right now.

He got close enough to hear Sage assuring her she didn't have to give Rowen an answer before the warrior paused midstride. What was he going to do? She would know Sage had told him if he addressed it now. What could he even say to her right now, anyway? Should he take it back? But no, that would only make things worse—and it wasn't true, either.

All he knew was he saw her distress and both wanted to soothe it away, and turn right back around because he had brought it about in the first place.

Iris caught up to him before he could make a decision. "Is everything a'right, Rowen?"

It took a significant portion of his willpower not to shrug off the hand she laid on his elbow. Thankfully, he was too caught up in the gears of his mind turning to act on it. "Y…Yeah. Sorry to startle you." He glanced quickly around for an excuse. "I—I, uh just. Suddenly remembered something I'd forgotten to handle." The genius wasn't used to stumbling for words quite this much. "For, uh, work. Before we got here."

She smiled sweetly up at him, and his stomach flipped. "Mind if I watch?"

Rowen did have to give her credit; she was certainly persistent. "It'd probably bore you. Besides, it shouldn't take long, and I wouldn't want to bother—"

"What you do sounds pretty interesting! I'm sure it'd be cool to watch. Beside, I can always ask you if I don't understand."

Damn. Now he actually had to come up with something, or he'd blow his cover.

He glanced desperately back at his friends, managing to catch Sage's eyes. He didn't have to even use the yoroi connection for the blond to get the message.

 _Help_.

A subtle nod reassured him help was on the way.

He overheard Sage suggesting to the girls that they commandeer a table to eat their food. So by the time Rowen fished his phone out of the Ronin's shared bag, the encrypted chat had an incoming call complete with blocked number ID.

With a quick apology and explanation to Iris—he would have to take this call "from a client" in Japanese—he answered. "Moshi moshi?"

"So how long do you need me to talk?" Sage asked in kind. His tone was at the same time simple yet suave; looking in his direction proved Rowen's hunch that Kourin said his words with a _devilish_ grin.

"However long it takes for her to lose interest."

"Well you currently have somebody looking to find a date and looking to set Cye up waiting, if you ask…"

Rowen nodded slowly, as if considering and listening to whoever spoke on the other line. "Kento's welcome to knock himself out. Only…I'm honestly not sure if she'll notice him, sad to say."

Kento appeared at Iris' side almost as if he'd been _waiting_ for the opportunity. Rowen rolled his eyes as his roommate subtly leaned in toward the brunette. "Hey, Iris, the others want to pick up another game of water polo, but we need a fourth. Cye insists on refereeing, since he says it'd be unfair of him to take a side."

"In a few minutes?"

He offered her his trademark, absolutely heartbreaking smile that always made Rowen wonder how he hadn't found a long-term relationship yet. "Rowen's on these calls for at least an hour at a time. He'll be back in the water once he's done."

" _Sorry, bro."_

Rowen didn't quite care. He could feel guilty over giving her the cold shoulder later. " _As long as it gets her off my tail for a little."_

Maybe if it worked, he could get a chance to talk to Tessa…

Unfortunately, he didn't manage to find an opening the rest of the day. Her mood had mellowed, too, and he couldn't quite bring himself to take her aside and force the issue when she was clearly so overwhelmed.

His one relief was that at least Iris had noticeably backed off by the time he rejoined the group.

Thankfully, everyone seemed to tire of the pool not long after the game of water polo had ended. So the group collectively gathered up their things and moved for the cars; Iris and Luna accepted their invitation to come along, to especially Ryo's delight.

From the way the other Ronin shared knowing glances, he figured maybe they had another matchmaking scheme on their hands.

He did have to admit—aside from (or perhaps even with) all the romantic drama, this outing was a lungful of fresh air. The past few weeks, his exams and TA responsibilities had eaten up all his extra time. He couldn't even remember the last opportunity he'd had to visit Ryuusei just to spoil him, let alone actually ride.

Rowen winced, not relishing the workout he'd have to put the ornery gelding through to get back in shape.

Maybe he should ask Tessa if they could go riding, tomorrow…or at least before returning to Japan. Or maybe once they were back in Japan? ' _Sage said she liked hearing about Ryuusei. I'm sure she'd love to meet him.'_

It was somewhere around the third frame of their second game of bowling when a chill from the yoroi trailed down his spine and derailed his thoughts. The others must have felt it to some extent, too; Kento, who was up to bowl, spun his throw off into a gutter.

Sage calmly reached out to the Ronin. " _Everyone continue to act normally. But something felt off about the mashou's circle just now."_

" _You can say that again,"_ Ryo said grimly.

Suiko's surface rippled. " _It feels… tense. Like it's trying to resist something."_

" _Sure that's not them trying to be good guys?"_

Rowen shot Kento a subtle glare, but let the jab at their former enemies slide for now. " _Think we need to check it out?"_ he said, directing the question to Ryo.

Rekka paused at the head of the bowling lane, poised for a throw and only the yoroi giving away his hesitation. " _I say yes, but I don't know if that's my PTSD talking or not…"_

Sage concurred. " _I don't know if it's mine, either."_

" _Maybe we should try contacting them,"_ Cye suggested. " _If we can't, then…"_

They all silently agreed. No sense worrying the twins and cutting the afternoon short if they didn't have to.

After Sage and Cye had alternately and together tried for a collective fifteen minutes to reach the mashou, however, they still had made no progress. A text to Derick only produced silence.

None of them wanted to think of the implications of that.

Rowen pursed his lips, gears in his head switching into theorizing mode. " _It…_ could _just be that we're not familiar enough with their yoroi, especially at distance. But…"_

" _Better safe than sorry,"_ Ryo finished darkly.

The bowling ball he had just released crashed loudly through the ten pins. Only one remained standing.

It should not have reminded Rowen of the heavy burden Ryo had carried through the War.

Feeling the air heat up a couple degrees as Rekka walked past, Rowen quipped, " _Might want to cool it before you end up burning Luna."_

Even in the bowling alley's blacklights, Tenku could see Ryo's face flush—but the area's temperature _did_ normalize.

Tessa and Alexa caught up on the plan, and their excuses made to Iris and Luna, the group expeditiously made their way back to the van. The ride to Tessa's house passed in tense silence, everyone lost in thought. Rowen desperately hoped they were wrong. But his instincts and the evidence up to this point both indicated otherwise.

Alexa's vehement "fuck" as they swung onto the gravel road before the driveway turned his blood to ice.

Sage immediately slammed on the brakes. Rocks went flying and the rear end subtly fishtailed before the vehicle came to a stop. Every yoroi jumped to alert; it took considerable restraint for them not to pounce on Kure for an answer.

"They're here, aren't they?" Tessa said with low-key dread and panic behind the words.

Alexa rubbed her temples. "Unmistakably."

More curses swept through the van, Rowen's voice among them. His jaw hurt from gritting his teeth against the rage, horror, and fear roiling in his heart. Tessa dragged both hands down her face.

"What do we do?" Cye asked Kure worriedly.

Rowen shoved a hand through his hair. "It's bound to be a trap."

"Even if it is, we have no choice." Ryo glanced in Tessa's direction, briefly. "Derick's still home."

At least…he _had_ been, when they left. He hadn't answered his phone, either, and a glance up at the house showed his vehicle still in the driveway. So Ryo was right—even if they could simply try to outwait whatever was there, they couldn't yet prove the twins' father was okay in the meantime without entering the circle.

"Can we park on the street?" Alexa requested.

Sage hadn't even let his foot off the brake yet. "Gladly."

Once he'd moved the vehicle nose to nose with the outer edge of what had been the mashou's circle, everyone disembarked. Alexa ignored Ryo gesturing for everyone to fall in formation and marched right up to the perimeter. She paused at the edge while they slowly joined her.

Rowen shivered a little as an aura similar to the Warlords' during the War oozed from Kure. Youja energy made his skin crawl as it spread out and looped between them, then coated them head to toe similarly to the subarmor they had just summoned.

Tenku rumbled restlessly in his soul, like a growling dog just waiting for him to turn his back on it.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He refused to lose himself to it this time.

"So…we should be able to go in now?" Ryo asked uncertainly.

"Won't trip an immediate trap, at least."

They glanced between each other as she unhesitatingly started off down the driveway in the direction of the house. When Tessa pushed past them to follow her sister, they snapped out of their hesitation and did the same.

Rowen flinched as they crossed the line—but the youja weren't nearly as strong here as they had been at the compound. Instead of a feeling like trying to run underwater, this more resembled a thick fog blanketing everything. It reminded him of walking in the youjakai, all those years ago.

' _Is it weaker because of what Alexa just did?'_ he wondered, scanning the property warily. '… _This must be the same thing she did for the mashou.'_

They hadn't gone far before Alexa's voice cut through the too-still air again. "Don't reach into it."

He glanced quizzically at his teammates; Kento had a sheepish look on his face. Rowen made a guess that he and the others must have been about to stretch their powers out into the area, straining to feel anything other than the eerie energy.

He couldn't say he blamed them for wanting to try.

"I feel like a sitting duck out here in the open," Kongo muttered, crossing his arms.

"Can _you_ sense anything?" Ryo asked Alexa quietly.

She shook her head. "Not _yet_ …"

That didn't help any of their nerves in the slightest.

Tenku continued to pace restlessly.

They stopped when Alexa did, under the wide-spreading branches of a mature oak directly across from the house's proper front door. Almost immediately, she dropped to sit cross-legged beneath it, back against the trunk and closing her eyes. The five men instinctively fell into a protective circle around her and Tessa.

Rowen found himself standing closest to Akatsuki. Her eyes darted across the silent scene almost frantically, fists clenched and her breathing a little shallower than was regular. The glow of her yoroi's protective sublayer alternately flashed brightly before dimming to almost nothing, then back again.

She cast the image of a wild horse braced and ready for flight.

His hand reached for her shoulder without thinking about it. Perhaps he subconsciously hoped to comfort her, even if he couldn't find anything to say to ease her anxiety?

Alexa bolting from her seat on the ground caused him to turn away for two long seconds.

" _This is my mom's spell. I can't—"_

Tessa gasped.

Rowen turned back to see Michael standing directly behind her, a hand over her mouth and other arm looped around her stomach.

They vanished at the same time Tenku settled over his shoulders.

White-hot rage like a supernova flashed behind his eyes. Next thing he knew, he stared up the shaft of an arrow nocked to his golden bow, pointed at the house's roof.

He didn't know how, but he _knew_ that was where Michael had gone. With Tessa. Despite all logic to the contrary—that if it were him he would be long gone—something told him they'd be there.

His control over Tenku nearly faltered again upon finding that hunch was _right_.

For whatever sick and twisted reason, he held a blade across her chest to keep her in place. A blade that hovered mere centimeters from her unprotected throat. Even Akatsuki's full armor wasn't anywhere near as substantial as her twin's could be at its thinnest.

"You thought you could deny a prophet?" Michael shouted down to them.

Rowen pulled the bowstring a hairsbreadth more taut. "You're no prophet, you—"

Alexa's voice cut off the vile epithets he'd been prepared to hurl at the cultist. "Mom. It's mom."

"She's here?" Kento voiced the alarm all five of them felt.

Rowen kept an ear on the conversation, but his eyes trained on Tessa. All he needed was _one second_ of an opening… But the voice in the back of his head reminded him what had happened last time he trained an arrow in her direction. And right now, the arrowtip trembled so much that Rowen wasn't sure he could trust his aim.

Tessa was completely at Michael's mercy right now. In that moment, if he decided to leave with her, there was absolutely nothing Rowen could do about it. Again.

Kure had difficulty finding the words to convey what she wanted to. "No, that's— she's—"

"You don't recognize the power of the Mother when she engages with you?" Michael sneered.

The sky overhead darkened. Rowen staggered as the air erupted into a violent tornado, all of them barely keeping their feet. His hands shook so much he couldn't keep his aim straight, Tenku's voice loud in his ears and vision going blurry.

 _Surrender…_

Rowen coughed, shaking his head to clear it as the energies stabilized. A hand on his shoulder—he didn't have to look to know it was Sage—steadied him, his ragged breathing evening out just a little.

Alexa managed to reach them telepathically, as they regained their faculties and tightened up the circle in the youja-nado's center. " _The cult has a new leader…"_

Another ripple of alarm passed across the yoroi. Kento spoke, again. " _What? Who?"_

" _Your mom?"_ Cye questioned, shocked and disbelieving.

She nodded. " _I can undo it. Just_ keep him talking _."_

Rowen sounded more confident than he felt. " _I don't care if he's talking or not, the minute I get a clear opening I am taking the shot."_

"We recognize a _demon_ when we engage with it," Sage shouted at Michael, stepping forward to challenge the cultist.

Kento nonchalantly hooked his bo across his shoulders, letting it support his arms lazily. "Yeah, we've had quite a few dealings with _those_."

Michael's face contorted into a blend of haughty arrogance and disgusted rage. "You are so corrupted you cannot recognize the Light!"

Sage continued the argument. "We _have_ light we have followed. It looks nothing like yours."

"It's _her_ light, isn't it?" Michael roared. The youja closed in on Alexa, their howls crescendoing angrily. "I knew she had corrupted Tessa! I should have known she could cast her witchcraft on you, as well. For how you two _men_ were touching."

Rowen almost let the arrow go by accident. Red flashed behind his eyes, Tenku snarling to be released and wreak havoc on the forces around him.

 _Blood! Give me blood!_

Tessa's bright, dry laugh grounded him. "You got the wrong person there, Michael. And you're probably going to regret it."

"You can't corrupt somebody when they were born that way," Kento snarled, swinging the bo off his shoulders and into the ground so hard it left a divot.

Sage's breath hitched in his chest; Rowen knew how much that call-out meant to him from someone who had initially struggled with the concept.

"Born this way because of past sins!" Michael's free arm snaked closer around Tessa, squeezing her against his body. The cult sword gestured in Alexa's direction, where the youja still swirled…but, oddly, all the Ronin were still able to keep ahold of their full armor. " _She_ has been showing signs since birth, even interested in her _own sister_. Her perversions reflect her past life's sins, and she must suffer for it!"

"Fuck you!" Tessa snapped at him. She had finally broken out of whatever paralysis the sudden turn of events had caused and now tried to squirm out of Michael's hold. It at least forced him to bring the blade back to her skin.

The guys all picked up on Alexa's otherwise internal retort of " _I didn't_ know _she was my sister."_

Rowen's fingers were starting to go numb on the drawn arrow, shoulders protesting the long period of strain. He finally dared a single, quick glance away from Tessa and Michael on the roof and to Alexa, whose fists were clenched tightly at her sides. He and the others had seen just how close their bond was—but he had had no idea about just what Michael was implying now.

"Why do you believe this?" Sage demanded of Michael.

The cultist's toothy grin resembled a sneer and a grimace combined. "The prophets have told us this is the truth! God has given us the direction he wants for us to live our lives if we want to see his kingdom."

"What does _your god_ have anything to do with your own hatred? This is about _you_! Not some mythic being."

The yoroi connection fell into muted silence, all of the Ronin in awe of what they were hearing. Each of them had caught glimpses of what Sage was capable of when moved to anger. But with his upbringing and the strength with which he held onto his personal control, it was a rare occasion. The last time Rowen could think of anything like this was sometime around the final leg of the War.

Kourin's armor dimly glowed emerald in the late afternoon light, pressing against the tide of youja.

Michael waved his sword at them again—and the youja's numbers and strength jumped exponentially. The force hit Sage squarely head on, the whiplash causing the others to plant their feet again as well. Rowen's breath left like he'd been punched, but he still kept his weapon drawn even with Tenku's near-constant mantra in the back of his head.

 _How_ was he doing this? Back in the compound, he would've been done for by now.

Meanwhile, Kourin continued to push back, refusing to bow under the pressure. The yoroi burned, his light slowly growing until it was nearly as bright as a star. Cye and Kento stepped up to flank him, each laying a hand on his shoulders in solidarity.

"You _will_ kneel before God," Michael yelled, words swept up on the unnatural winds. "He is everyone's, whether you like it or not. Even hers!"

Before any of them could leap to intercept, or protect, or do _anything_ , he flicked his sword at Alexa. A bolt of energy lanced toward her—

And every youja in the area charged her like a frenzy of sharks.

Ryo was the closest. "Alexa!"

He pulled up short of reaching for her—because Kure was _gloating_.

Everything Michael had thrown at her burst back outward like shattering glass. The weight they'd felt since stepping onto the property vanished, allowing Rowen's lungs to properly expand. Tenku's voice dissipated to uneasy silence.

A deep, booming roar overwhelmed it and sent nearby birds scattering from the trees.

Too many other things happened right then for his brain to properly register until after the world stopped spinning.

Michael gave a high-pitched scream and promptly vanished from the roof. Surprised by the abrupt lack of pressure, Tessa tumbled forward off the edge. Rowen panicked, retracting the arrow from his bow—only to pause in disbelief when her fall stopped in midair. She looked just as surprised as he felt.

 _Then_ he remembered Kaos' book had said these yoroi would be able to fly.

Another roar ripped through his thoughts and the quiet countryside, drawing his attention upward.

His jaw dropped.


	30. Chapter 30

**Warnings:** kidnapping, homophobia, assault, suicidal ideation

* * *

 _Chapter 30_

—~—

White Blaze stood on the roof, a shadow against the late afternoon light.

He gave another roar before leaping across the roof to the other side, out of sight, just as Tessa's feet touched the ground. Alexa ran to meet her sister with Rowen just a pace behind. Sage, meanwhile, had to unlock his knees and shift his weight before he could even think of moving, Kourin having grounded him as the youja tried to get him to kneel.

"You okay?" Kento asked quietly.

He nodded. "Now I know how you felt getting hit by that truck."

Kento chuckled and slapped him on the back.

Sage smiled, only to look down again. "I hadn't… realized. You were—"

White Blaze growling stopped everyone in their tracks. Michael's yelling set everyone to a run.

The snake was cornered at the back of the house, sword shaking as he leveled it at the imposing white tiger. Red on the tip flashed in the shadows as he tried to inch his way around a corner to the empty space beyond.

Rowen had his hankyu up and drawn again in a moment. Kure gave the subtle impression to _wait_ , vanishing from the group for plans unknown. Rowen didn't show any indication of doing that, keeping the bow taught and levelled at its potential target.

Sage didn't want to wait, either. He pointed the Kourin ken straight at Michael's heart. "Surrender or be forced to."

Michael snarled at them. "Not if you want to see Derick again!"

The temperature rose around Rekka while everyone else froze. "What did you do to him?"

Michael backed farther towards the corner and escape, blade still pointed straight at White Blaze. "Call off the beast and—"

A purple streak zipped out, grabbing his slacked hand and wrenching it behind his back. Alexa forced him to his knees in an instant, only increasing pressure. His sword dropped to the ground, effortlessly kicked away. "Tell us. _Now_."

His voice cracked from the tug on the hold. "Let me go!"

Sage had to admit. He was relishing this. "Anything to tie him up?"

Tessa snapped out of her shock. "Liv's cuffs. She—there should be a spare—I—I'll get 'em."

As she vanished, Sage couldn't help but feel a twinge of longing for his old comfort object, something he had convinced himself he would never need. Rowen was the only one who'd known that secret of his in high school, something he started doing after Otōsan taught him how to neutralize a situation in the subway. " _Never thought I'd actually_ miss _carrying handcuffs…"_

Rowen reached out sympathetically. " _I wondered whether you'd brought them or not."_

Sage went over to Alexa to make sure she had a handle on the man, but Kure's resolve to hold him—and some youja fire— had him on the ground and crying out in pain. Sage, instead, planted his odachi in front of his face as a reminder of how much _worse_ pain could be awaiting him should he try to run. For added safety, he placed his hand on the back of Michael's neck.

The man stopped resisting, only whimpering softly from the strain still on his arm.

Tessa returned a few moments later with the required restraints. He offered a hand towards her, not knowing if she could use them on her ex. "Need some help with those?"

She smiled tiredly at him. "I got it." Her expression hardened into a glare, taking Alexa's place behind the man on the ground. "You're under citizen arrest for kidnapping and assault. The cops're coming now." Akatsuki transmitted that she had texted Liv while in the house. The ratcheting of handcuffs silenced the last of Michael's snivelling, him completely defeated— and no longer with his arm unnaturally high up his back. Tessa stepped away, still glaring at him. "Consider this us officially breaking up. I don't date criminals, or anyone who tries to hurt my friends. Enjoy prison." She moved away, towards Rowen, throwing one last quip over her shoulder. "By the way, your makeup's running."

Sage hauled him to sitting, Alexa moving to stand in front of Michael. "Alright, now that I'm not threatening to dislocate your arm, where's Dad?"

Michael turned his head away in defiance. White Blaze stalked up and growled.

Sage had never seen a man jump _that much_ from a seated position, before.

Michael's voice sounded like it came from a hyperactive boy instead of a man. "T-There's a farm off the highway—half an hour from here. That's where he'll be. But we weren't going to move him there until six tomorrow night." He glanced in his ex's direction. "Hand over the armors when you get there, and they'll let him go."

Tessa looked unreadable at the statement her father was kidnapped and being held, Akatsuki a mix of fearing how hurt he might be and furious they had taken him. Rowen walked over and placed a hand on her back, yoroi dissolving as he lead her away to the other side of the house. Before they completely vanished from sight, Tessa turned towards him and Rowen hugged her with the protectiveness he gave the other Ronin.

Sage tossed Cye the keys to move the car, while Kento picked up the sword with tiger blood on it and went inside to clean the tip—Sage had to suppress a laugh when both he and Alexa warned about using bleach to get rid of the DNA. The remaining drawn yoroi dissolved as they all dispersed; Ryo went with White Blaze to find an appropriate place to hide and tend to him, Sage feeling a twinge of guilt he couldn't do that immediately.

He had Michael to speak to, first.

"Earning the respect of a woman involves more than brute strength and fast cars, Michael."

Michael sneered. "Your attraction is a perversion of love, demon."

Sage kept his voice cold. "Your obsession is the only perversion I see."

"Your _friend_ is the one obsessed with her," Michael snapped back. He turned to Alexa. "Both of you. Entitles attracted to Tessa's light! Her light is _mine_. God wills it."

Sage glanced at Alexa's stormy expression. She caught his eye, begging for permission to snap. Sage inclined his head.

"Look in a fucking mirror." She rose to stand over him, fists clenched at her sides. "You're a vampire who's been draining her since the beginning, trying to destroy her so you can have a hollow shell. Just like my mom tried to do to me. This whole time you've put her in danger. Rowen took it away. I took it away. If our armours are supposed to be purity that only evil can harm, how do you explain _this_?"

Kure reappeared over her body, revealing her scars. Scars that still made Sage sick to see.

"That's the evil you've corrupted god's light with!" Michael snapped, scrambling to his feet. "We were—"

Sage grabbed him by the collar and threw him against the wall, lifting his lip at Michael's eyes widening in fear. "You have _no_ _right_ to hurt another human being the way you've hurt those girls. Don't even _try_ to justify it. The only demon here is _you_."

Alexa's heavy breathing from behind him indicated _just_ how scared Michael's outburst had made her. "Just remember. I might be a half rate demon witch, but I still beat you. _Twice_."

Sage tilted his head to the side, ensuring both of his eyes were visible. "The blood of Date Masamune runs through my veins. No matter what you have bought, what you _think_ you have earned, you will never come close to reaching his greatness."

Michael sputtered. "My great grandfather—"

"Be quiet," Sage hissed. Lights flashed in the corners of his eyes, the only thing not making him increase pressure on this rat's throat. "You will never be a samurai. You will never lay claim to such nobility. You will never be _anything_ but a boy trying to play the role of a man— and _failing_." He roughly wiped the makeup off Michael's face, revealing angry red burns and generating a yelp. "Date Masamune was proud of his scars."

He tried not to turn his anger on himself for how he wasn't proud of his.

Sage let Michael drop to the ground just as he heard Kento and Cye explaining the situation from around the other side of the house. Alexa gravitated towards him, wanting reassurance after so much violence. Sage softened and wrapped an arm around her while keeping an eye on Michael, gasping for air.

" _He can't hurt you, anymore."_

She pressed deeper into him. " _I know."_

Ryo came back out from the barn as everyone waited in line to give statements, Michael hauled off in the police car. He was still pale from fear, constantly glancing towards the barn to make sure White Blaze wouldn't come back out.

Ryo took one look at Sage and clasped his shoulder. "You okay?"

Sage couldn't help a smirk. "I… might have lost my temper."

Ryo pulled him into a hug, Rekka a balm against the jumble of raw nerves Sage had never quite admitted were there. He was so used to silence and segregation in Japan, his bisexuality something tolerated and not asked about but otherwise erased. Facing against open hatred was almost a relief, in that regard— everything he had been too polite to say, that would be an escalation in Japan, finally expressed. But it still left him shaking, a confirmation of everything he had struggled with but could keep quiet as long as nobody poked at it. Now someone had, and it was like Sage had just discovered he was bisexual all over again— insecure, fearful of rejection, and unsure if good existed in the world.

And to think Alexa had likely grown up with that much hostility.

That wasn't even counting the scars, his own scar… and the scars on Kure. He hadn't even _thought_ of how his statement could've aggravated Alexa, but it must've. She seemed as ashamed of her scars as he did, but here she had shown hers and he had kept his selfishly under his clothes.

He was going to have to make it up to her, somehow. But he couldn't even think of how.

Once Liv's partner left with Michael to book him, everyone went into the house. Sage went straight to the men's bedroom, nearly collapsing on the bed from the drain to his body making itself known. Everyone but Rowen would be surprised he _could_ collapse onto beds, for how restrained he normally was. But after pulling off so many of them around Michael, a few more temporarily removed couldn't do any harm.

That youja fire had exhausted him.

Michael had tried to get him to kneel. The force was what Sage imagined Sankai-no-taki would feel like, should he stand under the full weight of the water. His legs ached from how long he'd had them locked, back still protesting keeping his spine straight against so much pressure on his shoulders.

A soft knock on the door roused him, Kourin saying to come in. He managed to push himself up from faceplanting into the pillow just as Alexa entered, turning over to attempt a smile.

She paused right by the door. "Just. Wanted to look you over. If that's okay?"

He nodded and sat up completely, leaning back against the wall. She came and sat beside him, placing a hand on his chest. It wasn't Kure, but golden light that flowed across his soul, finding youja haunting every corner of him and pulling them away. As soon as they absorbed into her light, the raw-red of the spirits turned into a rose gold that got pinker with every youja, but never lost its sheen. As she worked, his aches faded to a dim memory, one he could easily lock away. His emotions calmed, too, the swirling storm of anger and disgust nothing more than blips.

She lifted her hand from him, putting it in her lap. "You… should be clean, now. And maybe a little less tired?"

He nodded, able to sit up a little more. "Arigato."

She didn't move, otherwise staying beside him on the bed.

He put a hand on her shoulder, gently, watching for a flinch that never came. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head. "I hate being reminded of what I left."

"I understand." He brought his other hand up, carefully brushing her hair away from her face. "I… can't imagine having grown up hearing that, about myself. In Japan, it's… left underground. In private. Nobody says much about it, and relationships are kept private enough it's easy to stay in the closet, even if you're out. So it was almost a relief, you could say, to finally be able to confront someone. As much as it hurt to hear what he said."

If Sage was honest with himself, his first worry had been about _her_ reaction. He had no history with open hatred and could, with time, place this as an isolated incident. An extremist with no basis in Japan. She had no such luxury.

Her smile was thin, but real. "It was nice to hear it confronted."

He rested his hand on the back of her head, struck by how close they were. How Kure seemed almost eager to interact with Kourin, desperate for something he didn't want to name but knew exactly what it was. He encouraged her to lean into him either physically or emotionally. "You don't deserve that." He swallowed. "And I am… sorry, if I made you feel lesser for having scars you are ashamed of."

She gripped his arms. He pulled her forward into his chest, heart breaking at how readily she melted into him and clambered into his lap. " _I never knew the girl I loved was my own sister."_

He tucked her under his chin, holding her tightly. " _I know. I believe you. There's nothing wrong with romantic love fading and being replaced by familial love. I feel the same about Rowen."_

" _But you're_ not related _,"_ she responded. " _And my mom tried to tell me and I didn't listen I just— I_ told Tessa _I loved her and she said it was alright but I haven't asked since. What if she feels disgusted with me now that we_ are _sisters?"_

Sage shook his head. " _It sounds to me like you moved on years ago. Anything about your past is irrelevant— and you said it yourself you refused to see her as your sister to save her from the cult."_

Her body shuddered with a sob. " _I would never make a move towards her I swear. I just."_ Her face tensed against his chest, a drop of water soaking into his shirt. " _Nobody's stood up to them like that before…"_

Sage smiled despite himself. " _It was… relieving, in a sense, to finally confront someone about it. In Japan people are rarely so openly hostile, even if they still hold some very questionable beliefs."_

He couldn't help but think of some of the things he saw in manga or on television, so many things close to his experience but also so far away. It was kept quiet, told it wasn't for him—he could tell. The subtle cruelty of being visible but not seen weighed on him, where he was allowed to exist but only if he looked or behaved in a way others found entertaining. He could rarely, if ever, find a story where the character acted like him. Where people would only acknowledge him if he was pretty, if he was able to be put away. It was hard to not feel like part of him didn't exist.

He also tried to block out how Kento had been one of the people showing him hostility until tonight. He didn't know if he felt more relief from confronting Michael, or hearing his friend had changed.

Alexa just stayed quiet, crying softly and clinging to him. He wanted to speak more, but couldn't decide what to say or where to even start. She seemed to respond best to just holding her, rubbing her back and letting her nestle in Kourin.

He knew, from the previous conversation they had had, that sometimes she didn't want commiserating and didn't always want sympathy. Even now, she was slightly isolated, trying to run from the demons stirring in her mind.

All he could do was give her a place to hide in. To tell her he was there.

It broke his heart to know that wouldn't be enough.

After a time, she adjusted her head so her ear was closer to his heart. "I don't remember ever hearing my mom's heartbeat…"

That set the hairs on the back of his neck up. "You don't?"

She shook her head. "I've heard it for everyone here, but I don't… remember ever hearing hers."

He took a few slow, measured breaths, trying to keep his own heartbeat from racing at this information. For how evil that woman had been, this was the first measure of _inhumanity_ he had run into. "If you ever need to hear mine… you can ask."

She squeezed him. "I appreciate it."

He cautiously laid a hand on her head, trying to aid her relaxation. She froze, waiting for his next movement; when none came, she sank deeper into him than before. She exhaled even more tension when he softly scratched her scalp, giving him some faint hope that she would recover from this incident. She wasn't running as much, letting Kure stay against Kourin like a wall was between them, but still present in the connection even with the closeness.

This was a start.

He wasn't quite sure when Kento knocked on the door, but all Alexa did when he entered was pick her head up from where it was hidden against Sage's chest.

Kento gave her a soft smile. "Everyone's downstairs—we're trying to get a plan together. Mind coming to give us a hand?" He glanced up. "You, too, Sage, if you're up to it."

Alexa nodded and reluctantly climbed off the mattress to go downstairs. Kento was about to follow when Kourin tugged on Kongo; Kento stepped back inside and closed the door behind him. "What's up?"

Sage pushed himself to sit on the edge of the bed. "I… hadn't realized, you had been paying attention."

Kento rubbed the back of his neck, looking down. "Been trying to figure out how to make it up to you, for. Not wanting anything to do with." He exhaled, dropping his hand. "Yūsei, and all the other men you went on dates with, and the fact you even _went_ on those dates. By the time I realized how much I'd hurt you, you'd shut me out." A dry chuckle punctuated his statement. "I deserved it, before you go blaming yourself for it. Didn't know how to bring it up. That I'd realized, I mean. That I wanted to make it up to you. Knew if I _didn't_ say anything to Michael, I'd hate myself."

Sage stood and yanked Kento into a hug. He didn't know what to say to his old friend, the man who had taught him how to fight in a way that wasn't kendo to make him feel more secure. Who had introduced him to weightlifting. Who had been beside him, in many ways, as much as Rowen had, except for this issue. Until now. He had grown so used to the weight of exclusion he had forgotten how heavy it had become. "I appreciate it."

Kento returned the hug fiercely. "I was a stupid teenager."

Sage laughed and pulled back, lightly knocking on the side of Kento's skull. "Rockhead."

Kento's grin had a wicked edge. He shoved Sage back. "Prettyboy."

They briefly hugged again before leaving the room, Sage not having realized how much that simple exchange would mean to him.

Now that he had this connection, this wall between them ripped down, he couldn't imagine anything else.

—=—

Kento and Sage walked down to a large map now spread out on the kitchen table, Alexa and Liv discussing possibilities. Rowen was beside a very quiet Tessa, while Cye and Ryo stood around the table. Sage went to stand behind Alexa, a hand subtly moving to her back. It was the kind of scene Kento hated. The kind where nobody knew what to do.

Liv was trying very hard not to stare at her newest step-daughter. "So as far as you can tell, you can… sense them? At this park."

She sounded like his mom had, when he'd first told her about the yoroi's abilities.

Alexa propped her cheek on her fist. "Their _set up_ , to be more exact. Like, that's where they _want_ to be found. And right now I can either try to find what they don't want me to, or I can work up enough of a reserve to have half a shot at taking them on. Aaand I have no guarantees I'll be able to find them, or if they won't be ready to move by the time I do find them. So… our only option is really to wait for six pm tomorrow and move then."

Ryo crossed his arms. "And the Warlords?"

Alexa exhaled. "Still nothing."

Kento paused and shoved his hands in his pockets. Uneasy concern had grown over the past hour, as they realized the _mashou's_ orbs were gone, and they themselves couldn't be contacted. Either Kento could believe they had vanished out of shame, out of their former villainy… or something had happened to them.

Liv rubbed her temple. "And these guys are who, exactly?"

Cye tilted his head to the side as he thought best how to explain it. "People with armours like ours, who worked with energies very similar to this cult. They offered to watch the house while we took an afternoon off."

Liv glanced up at him. "Can we trust them?"

Alexa nodded slowly. "I like to think so…"

Ryo crossed his arms. "We have reason to doubt them, but that's assuming they haven't changed in the six years since we heavily interacted with them."

Alexa shrank back until Kourin bolstered her. She licked her lips before saying, "If they really were working for my mom, they'd have turned me over when I broke Tessa out. They didn't. I don't doubt them."

Kento's uneasy concern grew. "Think they… tried to fix this themselves?"

Alexa made a face somewhere between a tense smile and a grimace. "Probably…"

The Ronin looked between each other. _Could_ they handle it without Alexa?

Even worse—if they couldn't, that meant facing the Warlords as they had been.

Liv stared at the map. "There's one more thing about your story. That needs clarification." She looked between Tessa and Alexa. "What did he _mean_ , 'give up the armours'?"

Neither of the girls wanted to answer that. Rowen went straight to space frost at the thought, silent from anger. Sage's hand tightened on Alexa's back. Rekka went to boiling and Suiko a storm at sea.

Kento found his voice first for the second time today. "I'm gonna guess he means the girls need to join the cult."

Liv frowned at that. "There's nothing but _that_ we can trade?"

Kento took a breath. "The armours— all of ours— are… kinda fused to our souls. We can't get rid of them, even if we try. Even when our old enemy stole our powers, we never lost our actual armour. Unless this cult managed to figure out a way to do that, it _should_ be impossible."

The woman took a breath, closing her eyes before opening them and resting her forearms on the table. "Would police presence stop them from pulling out this magic stuff?"

Before anyone could respond to that, the _mashou's_ far-too-weak signatures reappeared outside the house. Kento couldn't believe _he_ was the second person out the door, only behind Ryo, as they went to help their former enemies.

The four were in a line, each with an arm around the other's shoulders. Sekhmet and Cale seemed to be worse off, them in the middle and leaning more heavily on Kayura and Dais. White Blaze trotted over to Dais' free side and let the _mashou_ lay a hand on his back, helping them all stay standing. Kento skidded to a halt at the gouges over their yoroi, and the fact they looked _worse_ than whenever the Ronin had hit them with a surekill.

Ryo immediately took Kayura's place to hold Sekhmet up; Kento's physical paralysis shook off faster than his mental— before he knew it, he was sliding in on Cale's side. Cye took Dais' other arm, and Kayura moved to help with Cale. White Blaze went to Sekhmet. The _mashou_ 's full armour faded as everyone settled into supporting them.

Kento winced at the _youja_ cuts brushing against the back of his neck and on Cale's side. They still felt like they had youja in them. And their yoroi felt close enough to Alexa's before she had been cut for him to worry.

He was about to reach out for Sage—hesitantly, cautiously— when Sekhmet stopped him. "All we require is glasses and something to hold up my katanas."

Kento couldn't help but soften as he watched the halting steps they all took, ragged breathing and tense postures that indicated how much pain they were in. He winced sympathetically when Cale stumbled. "Damn… they got you good."

Cale let out a breathy laugh. "Would you be insulted if we said they were more difficult to fight than you?"

"Maybe a little."

The rest of him was scared. More scared than when Dais told him about how Kongo could be corrupted. More scared than when they were absorbed into Arago's body.

Ryo had overheard. "At least with us it was one on one."

"You boys were foolish for ever attempting to face us in subarmour," Dais muttered back.

"Look who's talking," Kayura replied, Haru dissipating how they had attempted to fight the cult in only subarmour.

Dais grumbled. "Why do you think I said it."

They approached the back porch, where everyone had gathered. Tessa's eyes widened, her voice thin and small as she watched them come up. "What _happened_?"

Dais bowed his head, half slumped against Cye. "We… attempted to rescue your father. Unfortunately, we were outnumbered."

Tessa's hands went over her mouth, Rowen's arm slowly creeping around her shoulders to try and protect her from the situation. Alexa was grim-faced, her stare bordering on thousand-yard as she looked over—through—the _mashou_. Sage surveyed the scene, silent questions if he would have to use Halo.

That prompted Ryo's tongue, Rekka telling Kourin it was apparently alright. "Can you get your sword rack, Tessa? Sekhmet said he needs it."

Tessa nodded and quickly vanished into the house, shrugging off Rowen's arm almost as if he wasn't there. The hurt across his face was visible from two meters away. He managed to smooth it down by the time everyone got to the porch, Sage holding the door open as they limped through.

Sekhmet begrudgingly stood under his own power once they got into the kitchen. Him pulling up Aki again was a slow, deliberate process—one he only finished when Tessa returned with her now-empty sword rack. Kento tried not to stare at the yoroi. He could've sworn it had shrunk from when he last saw it, the spikes having toned down. But the _mashou_ weren't towering over the Ronin, anymore. Maybe that was it.

Or maybe it was how much he looked like one of them, without his face mask.

Alexa glanced around, the only one of the Ronin not frozen at the sight of how Sekhmet looked. "Probably more room in the living room?"

Everyone nodded at that. Kento helped Cale get to the couch. He fell into it with a thump, fading far faster than the others, holding scratches on his arms and trying to breathe through the pain. Kayura sat beside him and placed a hand on his arm, something that had Cale soften. Kento tried not to keep casting glances at how different Cale looked from the time he'd tried to kill Kento while Sage went to wake him up, the _mashou_ now trying to smile for Kayura's sake.

 _Maybe they have changed._

Sekhmet directed Tessa to put the rack against the wall, Ryo putting the empty glasses under where the sword tips would rest. Cye hovered nearby, having already gotten Dais into a chair and wanting to make sure Suiko's immunity wouldn't be needed. Tessa, meanwhile, watched from the mouth of the room, Rowen having once again taken his place beside her. She looked more like Sage did right after a flashback than even Alexa, and Alexa was supposed to be the one with mental health issues.

As Sekhmet pulled out his katana one by one, tips pointing down into the glasses, Sage watched White Blaze settled at Cale's feet. His eye flicked up to Cale and back down to the tiger, torn between still-lingering vengeance and his ever-present desire to ease hurt. Kento found himself encouraging Sage's compassionate side, almost behind his back.

Out of anyone, Kento had always wanted to get his hands on the _mashou_ to make them pay for what they'd done to Sage and Ryo. Mostly Sage. Ryo had been traumatized by circumstance, really, but Sage— Sage had been tortured. Then Sage had tortured himself, trying to erase the memories any way he possibly could, from alcohol to suicide attempts.

And now, looking at the _mashou_ all trying to stay awake after trying to find the girls' father, after taking on part of the commune for them… that desire to beat them up had faded. They looked like they were beating _themselves_ up enough over it.

Sage cautiously approached, putting his hand on White Blaze's head and sealing the superficial cut in his shoulder. In the contemplative quiet that followed, Cye addressed the one outsider in the room, standing to the side in thinly-veiled bewilderment. "Liv, these are the Warlords. Liv is the girls' stepmother."

Each gave their names in turn, Sekhmet once again giving both the name they knew him as and the name he had been known as before he became a _mashou_. It still didn't feel like that name fit the man Kento had gotten to know; maybe he was trying to make it fit.

Liv took them all in, casting a skeptical eye towards Kayura. Still, she responded civilly. "Good to finally meet you. Though I'm sure we all wish it could have been under better circumstances."

"I believe the Ronin could say the same about meeting us," Sekhmet replied.

Only Alexa had the faculties to laugh. Kento still couldn't shake unease he was joking around with the _mashou_.

The glasses were beginning to fill with golden liquid. Kento stared at the result; Sekhmet's venom had always been red.

Sekhmet smiled, something still incredibly unnerving even without malice. "How do you think we were able to return to battle with you so quickly, Ronin?"

Kento snorted. " _Wondered_ how you'd keep coming back."

Despite only four injured _mashou_ , Sekhmet placed all of his katana in the rack with matching glasses. He glanced around at the crowded space, something passing between the seasonal armours that Kento didn't really want to pick up on. He turned to Liv and Tessa. "Is there a place I can put my armour?"

Tessa pointed to the hallway. "Office is probably as good a place as any." She glanced at her stepmother. "S'that okay?"

Liv shrugged in agreement, simply letting everything happen around her. Sekhmet bowed in thanks before leaving.

Cale shifted on the couch, glancing at Sage. Internal conflict was clearly visible on his face. His voice… soft, he asked, "Would you be able to help my wolves?"

Sage swallowed. Ryo and Cye went to turn on a few more lights in the room. His posture was rigid with fear, but he nodded. "If they are injured."

Kento moved the coffee table at somebody's direction, putting it against the front door for some concept of safety. Locking them in with the _mashou_ felt like the opposite of that, but at the same time didn't. He made a mental note to talk to Cye about the whole 'going with the flow' thing Suiko had gotten a grip on during the War.

The shakujo had to amplify Cale's call, but soon the floor swirled with liquid shadows. Five black wolves, all curled up on each other around flecks of red, appeared—whimpering— in the middle of the room. Kento stopped in his tracks, both at the thought of what had happened to the animals, and Cale's honest hurt at _their_ injuries.

Sage knelt down, Kourin's subarmour drawn up to ensure his stamina. One by one he went through the injured dogs, all under Cale's watchful and caring eye. It didn't take long for Alexa to join Sage, Kure's power going through them to make sure they weren't poisoned by youja. Kento's position on the outer edge went less from 'bouncer' to more like 'bodyguard', him glancing over his shoulder at the door to make sure nobody was watching.

By the time that healing was done, the glasses had filled nearly to the brim. Sekhmet closed his eyes and the swords vanished; he and Cye passed out three glasses to the remaining _mashou_ , Alexa going to grab something from the kitchen. She returned with five bowls, carefully rationing out the two unaccounted for's glasses into them and laying them on the floor. Sehkmet watched to make sure the wolves were settled before drinking his fill.

The result of the _mashou_ drinking whatever Sekhmet had brewed was like Rowen drinking his morning coffee. While their cuts didn't disappear, they shrank, and all of the _mashou_ looked less like they were about to fall over and a little more human. Dais put the glass down and raked a hand through his hair. "You would think four hundred years of working with Arago would have better prepared us for this cult."

Liv crossed her arms. "That bad, huh?"

Kayura nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. They seem to have moved a not insignificant portion of their commune to the area, and are relying very heavily on that support to lay a trap."

Tessa hugged herself, Rowen's arm creeping around her for the second time that evening. Kento really did not like the implication of how many people were there. 'Outnumbered' hadn't meant much. 'A portion of their commune', on the other hand, made him grit his teeth.

"How are they always a step ahead of us?" Tessa replied, voice quiet and shaky. "We can't get _anywhere_ with them."

Alexa stretched, unusually casual, uncharacteristically ignoring her sister. "There's your answer on if police presence will change anything. They've decided to go for magic no matter what."

"They still chose a very isolated location to operate out of, though," Rowen replied. "Clearly they don't want to draw attention to themselves."

Alexa sighed. "You're underestimating how fast they can move. If we show up with cops, there's a better than fifty-fifty chance they're going to pack up and set up camp somewhere else."

Rowen lifted one hand up, still keeping his other on Tessa. "Never said we could. But this cult thrives on secrecy. If presented with the threat of arrest, so far they've chosen to flee rather than reveal their magic. They're just as limited as we are in that regard. _But_ …we should still try to clear them out before trying to involve police." He nodded towards Liv. "No offense to law enforcement, but it's not something standard beat cops are equipped to handle."

"None taken," she replied. "We'll be happy to step in and clean up after you."

Tessa still hadn't stopped hugging herself. She looked towards the group of assembled _mashou_. "Were you able to find Dad?"

Kayura shook her head. "We followed them to the farm after he was taken, but realized it was a diversion. He might have gone there initially and has since been moved, but we don't know."

Alexa shrugged. "We won't be able to find him till six tomorrow, anyway."

Liv tapped her foot. "We have enough for a search warrant."

Alexa glared. "And give them a reason to move? Fuck no."

Liv's eyebrows jumped in surprise at such a harsh retort— Kento had to admit he matched her, despite being used to the guys' swearing— but Liv nodded. "Fair enough. I…may be able to time the warrant request for after you all have dealt with them."

Alexa simply shrugged and left. Kure gave out a strong sense of staying out of her way, both in any confrontation and right this second. She headed straight for outside, the door almost slamming in her wake. White Blaze got up from the floor and followed her out, Ryo going to hold open the door but otherwise staying inside.

Kento counted back to the times Alexa had sworn. It was only a few times, and if she was anything like Rowen, the more she swore the more stressed out she was.

That was too much for Tessa. She darted upstairs in the blink of an eye, once again leaving Rowen behind. He kept his gaze fixed on the stairs, debating if he should follow. Kento nudged him forward and he reluctantly went up them, Tenku closing off for both of their privacy.

Kento addressed Sage, still sitting on the floor after healing Cale's wolves. " _Think offering Alexa a punching bag would help?"_

He shook his head subtly. " _I doubt she will take it."_

Kento really didn't want to think about the potential answers to his question. But he wanted to ask it. He knew he should. " _Will…_ anything _help?"_

" _No."_


	31. Chapter 31

**Warnings:** cult material, sensory torture, parental abuse, injury

* * *

 _Chapter 31_

—A—

The van's clock read 5:58 pm when Sage turned the engine off at the abandoned farm.

Either Dad was already here, or they weren't going to bring him out and follow through with it.

We had parked as close to the street as we could get away with, if only to avoid any potential traps. The Warlords and White Blaze met us near a cluster of trees, directing us to the place they ran into problems. It was just beyond the remains of a farmhouse, scorch marks on wood revealing why this place was abandoned.

Kayura dug the end of the staff into the ground. "Around this line, we noticed a change in the amount of _youja_ present."

I carefully crept up to the area, holding my hand out ahead of me. White Blaze came up beside me and sniffed, growling softly at whatever he could smell. The air developed _thickness_ like the skin on a bubble or the surface of a pool— easy to pass through, but different.

"Another barrier?" Rowen asked from somewhere behind me.

I nodded. "Stone cold. They've been setting it up for awhile."

Ryo came to stand a little bit behind me. "Think your dad's in there?"

I snorted. "No, but for argument's sake let's say yes."

Tessa's fury at the cult wasn't very well contained, arms crossing as she glared at the empty space. "I'd bet money he is."

I shrugged. "That's assuming they'll actually keep their word and not take all three of us." I glanced to either side, trying to find the edges and where it curved away. "I'm going to see what else is around here. Stay out of it."

Tessa was about to protest when Rowen held her back. I ignored her pouting as Cale said, "At least allow one of us to accompany you."

It certainly wasn't going to hurt. "Sure."

The two of us headed around the edge, me keeping my fingers brushing against the barrier to know if it would suddenly change directions. Based on the gentleness of the curve, almost the whole farm from street to the start of the fields was protected, but I could never be too careful. They knew I'd be looking for weak spots. Instead I felt a column of _heat_ radiating up off the ground. A glance down revealed the source— and the reason this barrier was so cold.

The word 'fuck' had become far too comfortable in my mind, lately. The sight of a stone that probably weighed forty pounds and would need two hands to carry would do that, however.

Still, the others only got the packaged response. " _Okay, so they came prepared."_

" _What did you find?"_ Sage asked, debating coming closer.

" _A gemstone circle. This is gonna be_ fun _."_ Of course none of them had any idea what that was. At a prompt to continue, I mentally face-palmed and filled in the gaps. " _Alright, so, for context, gemstone circles are the one barrier I_ can't _undo with a snap of my fingers."_ I dared bring my foot towards it in a kick, only for a sudden resistance to let me know that was a Very Bad Idea. " _And this isn't an alarm barrier. This is a_ containment _barrier."_

" _Why do I not like the sound of that…"_ Tessa replied.

Kento gave the impression of a headshake. " _You're not the only one."_

I tilted my head to the side as I thought.. " _Well. Chances are I could get us out._ Probably _with Kayura's help. They're not that good."_ I hated giving them credit. " _But this one's… good. For them."_

Ryo crossed his arms. " _I'd rather_ not _take that chance, if we have a choice."_

Cye was just as trepidatious but more pragmatic. " _We still don't know where Derick is, though. And I agree with Tessa—odds are, he's in there."_

" _If we're lucky, near the edge, and they aren't expecting anyone to follow this path."_ I moved farther away from them. " _Don't get close to it. This probably won't expand out, but you never know with them."_

Rowen had Strata brush against it. " _Yeah, after the_ last _time…"_

I let the connection drop off as I followed the circle, counting the number of stones and ignoring how many steps I was taking between them. Two, three, four, five— each a different colour, from lapis to amethyst to rose quartz to citrene; malachite was hard to spot in the grass, but it was definitely there. Seeing a raw garnet for the sixth stone made me swallow; this meant a minimum of eight stones but for the size of this circle it was looking like 16. Finding a large clear quartz had me hoping beyond hope I wouldn't find another deep pink stone, but I did.

This was more than a containment circle. This was a sealing circle.

I stepped away from it reflexively, into Cale's chest. He put his hands on my shoulders, trying to protect me from whatever it is I had figured out. "Kayura's power will be able to dispel many of these influences."

"You don't _understand_."

I couldn't tell if he sounded compassionate or tired. "What do I not understand?"

I grit my teeth. "If people are _sealed_ then breaking those seals will make everyone emotional and it's going to be a _mess_ and it's going to make this worse than it already is."

Sealing circles also closed off Dusk.

That. Opened up far too many avenues I didn't want to go down. I stalked off and returned to checking the perimeter before he could respond. Everything had turned from open fields to forests, slowing down progress as trees kept cutting across the barrier.

The glint of a three foot tall, five inch wide, almost perfectly clear crystal wand made me stop dead in my tracks.

No.

No no no no _no_.

I had been threatened with this I never thought they would even try.

Rustling in the undergrowth had me jump so high I almost tumbled into the barrier. Only Cale's quick grip of my arm stopped me.

At voices, the world went black and I found myself back where the guys were waiting, hugging myself and beginning to _tremble_. White Blaze came up to sniff me over and give me something to lean on as jumbled voices asked if I was alright. I couldn't respond to them, couldn't do anything but sink to the ground and Tessa kelt beside me and asked permission if she could hug and all I could do in response was grip her.

Mom was going to try and take her from me and I couldn't stand it.

Cale stood guard above me. "She saw something in the woods. We were nearly found shortly after."

Ryo glanced at the barrier. "They probably know we're here, now, regardless."

Kento turned to Ryo. "What do you want to do now?"

I had an answer to that when nobody else did. But thinking of vocalizing it made me remember that crystal and remember the plans for it when they'd bought it years ago and the threats that had been looming over my head as long as I'd had Dusk.

And I had proven myself so untrustworthy they were going to go through with it.

"They're going to try and take our armours."

Everyone turned to look at me, horror and shock and disbelief muddling together into something I couldn't recognize.

"…that's. That's not _possible,_ " Kento said, disbelievingly.

"Only Arago should be able to do that," Rowen added.

Cye's voice had notes of uncertainty I really did not like. "And he's _dead_."

The barrier heating up indicated we would be walking into hell. I would be leading them into hell. I would be leading them into hell and I didn't know if I could protect them because this was the worst they could do, this was the worst they could do and what if I couldn't stop it?

Dais stepped forward to be closer to me. "Kure, do you know how we can prevent them from completing their objective?"

Anger that he was asking _me_ that dropped down to resignation that I was the only one who knew what to do. I pulled back from Tessa, rocking on my heels and pushing my hair back from damp cheeks. "I really don't know if it's possible. They've managed to close off Dusk before, but not quickly, and she always broke out in a few days. But my mom's crazy enough to try. She's determined we're officially using our armours wrong, and she wants to take them back."

Kento cracked his knuckles. "She won't if I have anything to say about it."

I gripped my elbows to try and hold myself together. "This is a sealing circle. It's worse than what I thought. There's got to be _something_ in the middle holding it together."

"Dad."

I shook my head at my sister, as hopeful as she was. "It's a crystal or a brazier. It needs to be a cult focus."

"Hold on," Rowen said, gears turning in his mind. "If they know we know it's there, and we're not going in there without a reason…then why'd they even bother setting it up in the first place? Why set a trap we know is there without any bait?"

 _That_ misunderstanding brought any barely-contained fury to the forefront. "I never fucking said he's not in there. I said the _central point_ can't be a human being because _the central point_ needs to be a cult focus!"

He held his hands up in apology.

Cye tried a different tactic. I knew he was just trying to placate me and calm me down. I could hate myself for needing to be placated and calmed down later. "Is there any way we can try to confirm what's inside the barrier before going in?"

I snorted. "Absolutely not."

Various amounts of swearing filtered through the connection at that. Any comments I wasn't _that_ good died on my tongue; I didn't need the reminder it was likely I couldn't do this.

Ryo pulled up Wildfire. "We all go in together. Everyone stays close. Don't go far from Kayura if you can help it. Try not to surekill people, but let the youja have it. Questions?"

Kento raised his hand. "I got one. Just how crazy is this?"

I stood up, ignoring Kento's question because the only answer was 'too crazy for you to be here'. "I'm going to dismantle the largest crystal. We need this circle _gone_."

Ryo looked me over, staring me down for long enough to know there wasn't anything that would change my mind. "Bring the Warlords and White Blaze with you. They can keep their attention off you at least for a little, I hope."

Dais nodded. "We will ensure it."

There was no talking them out of this. They all had their armours up, all ready for battle. For my sister. To clean up the mess I had made.

I pulled up as thick a barrier as I could stand before going inside.

As soon as I stepped inside I knew it wasn't going to be enough. They had been building this for _days_ , filling the circle with youja and fire everything needed to overwhelm _my_ defences, let alone those around me. This was everything they had threatened to do, accomplished.

I had to ignore them. I had to ignore everything. I had to be stronger than this.

I bolted towards the centre, the Warlords and White Blaze at my heels. The air was getting thicker and thicker the more I ran, until the point I stopped. Youja were _howling_ in my ears, everything pushing to force me inward. A place where I would start to lose touch with my senses and they could begin torturing me. I wouldn't let myself be taken over. I _couldn't_.

The Warlords tried to reach me and I tried to reach them back. Chanting increased to a howl, something that had sent me on sensory overload on a good day. This was a very bad one. Even White Blaze's growl did nothing to help me focus— I gripped the tiger's fur just so I wouldn't lose myself in the space. I was close to their centre, close to taking them out. I couldn't give up now.

Whatever tentative connection I had with the Warlords vanished, Kayura's panic the only thing I could sense. I could barely even sense youja, let alone the Warlords and Ronin.

Yelling had me send White Blaze back. He hesitated until I barked at him to _go_.

I… hadn't _quite_ realized he was of the same power as Dusk until he left. Until his presence left my side and I was gasping for air. The brazier was clear as day in front of me, surrounded by a ring of cultists feeding it so I couldn't pull the same trick I had in the compound.

Part of me registered their sudden appearance meant the barrier they been holding had shifted, capturing me in the centre and cutting me off from everything.

My mom's voice started mixing in with the howling. The pain of old wounds added in for good measure, each old cut alight as if it were new. Her voice was already beginning to chant in my head— a command that I knew how to make the pain stop, if only I would listen. If only I would surrender to her.

I had to end this _now_.

—~—

Despite Alexa's protection, inside the barrier was _oppressive_. The shakujo glowed through red-tinted smoke; Akatsuki cast _some_ protective bubble around them, but without Kure— now running ahead into the worst of it— the Ronin powered down to subarmour.

But other than a low hum of youja, there was _nothing_ in the circle Alexa had been so afraid of.

There had to be something.

Long seconds ticked by, Sage's senses going on higher and higher alert each moment. Alexa vanishing into the centre of what had otherwise been a clear day indicated some sort of invisibility spell.

Right when he was beginning to think they should go after her, rustling behind him caused him to dive forward first, ask questions later.

He turned to see Cale.

Before he could take half a breath to do _something_ — calm himself down, ask where Alexa was— Cale swung again. Sage rolled and got to his feet, away from the _mashou_.

Cale's mask had a red tint to it, like it had when Arago had possessed them with youja.

 _Damn it._

His hand to hand lessons with Kento and Yusei slid into place faster than he could blink. He wasn't the second dan with no true skills beyond a blade, anymore.

He charged Cale head on.

Maneuvering around his odachi was almost child's play this close, Sage no longer hiding behind Kourin's ken. He grappled with Cale, training he had practiced while triggered for this reason— for this reason he had tried to tell himself was paranoia, but he couldn't silence it until he was secure— _winning_.

Cale's blade cast aside.

Arm around his neck, Cale's arm pinned behind Sage's head.

Elbow about to slide into a headlock. He forced his way past Cale's armour and—

His breath vanished.

An ear-splitting _roar_ shattered the stillness in Sage's mind. He and Cale tumbled to the ground, unprotected shoulder digging into the earth and his side splitting open in _pain_.

A strangled scream made it past his lips as he kept rolling, _Tessa's_ scream following not long after. He could barely hear his name as he pressed his bare hand to his side and felt it _wet_.

Kourin did not meet his call to return.

He forced himself to a crouch and kept pressure on three wounds at the base of his ribs. Youja swirled _inside_ him now, the air outside pushing into his blood. He panted as his lungs struggled to expand, even as Tessa's hand joined his and Akatsuki provided _some_ barrier to the outside world.

Cye arrived moments later, pulling Sage's shirt up and ripping the buttons open to apply pressure and better cover the wounds. He scrunched his eyes shut at how pain _increased_ , breath leaving him again in a barely-contained scream.

That hadn't happened during his suicide attempt.

He tried to force his lungs to work, to stay _alive_ , and coughed. Droplets on his lips and a faint taste of copper let him know exactly what had been hit.

Tessa's voice gave him something to hold onto. "Sage! Oh my god, Sage, please hang in there!"

He grit his teeth and took another breath. "I'm not going to die."

He didn't want to.

For once in his life, this was _not welcome_.

Rowen slid into place in front of him, holding his shoulders. Tenku nearby made the air easier to breathe, and a hand under his chin to tip his head up helped even more. Some of Akatsuki's powers diverted from burning the youja in his side to Rowen— the air got clearer, still.

He coughed again. This time he tasted blood more strongly.

The edges of his vision were beginning to go black. He fell to his knees, Cye supporting most of his weight from an arm around his middle. He tried for Kourin again, but it had retreated to his marrow, a place that could maybe produce blood. It was the only place it could rest safely.

"There's youja in there," Tessa said, quietly but not calmly. "Alexa—!"

The way she cut herself off could _not_ be a good sign.

Sage shuddered and forced an inhale, his lungs unable to expand as much as they had been a few moments ago. Cye tried to get him to straighten, which just got another cough and pain. Akatsuki left his side. Youja rushed to fill the space.

His next cough sounded wet. His next breath felt worse.

Rowen gripped his shoulder, tipping his chin up again. "Sage. _Seiji_ , please. _Stay with us_!"

"Touma…" Sage gasped for air, even Kourin fading. He could barely make out his friend's face, blue eyes that had always guided him rimmed with fear. "I love you."

"Sensei!"

Sage closed his eyes and slumped into his love's arms.

Youja flowed like snakes in his blood, driving to Kourin's flame. It was valiantly trying to burn them but with each passing second, it dimmed. Sputtered. The others were a distant memory, strength he had drawn on during his suicide attempt not there.

He was dying.

He didn't want to die.

The armours. Would not. Let him.

He promised Alexa none of them would die.

He promised Rowen he would live his full life span out. To die of old age.

Kourin stabilized.

And exploded out.

He gasped a breath and yelped at something pressing into his chest; immediately it lifted, replaced by fingers on Sage's jugular. Tenku took Kourin's hand, grounding him while pouring strength into him, the others joining not long after. Every colour of the Ronin mixed with gold flowed in his side and youja completely vanished from his body and he could hear yelling, now, fighting— all of it distorted, like from underwater, all from trying to open his eyes and look around but everything was still a blur. Each movement brought on a wash of vertigo that nearly had him blacking out again.

"Easy…" Rowen's free hand went to stabilize his head, subarmour gauntlet gently cupping the base of Sage's skull and preventing him from beginning to thrash. "Easy."

He calmed under the touch, allowing his senses to more slowly take in the space around him. Oxygen rich air filled his nose and mouth, gently expanding his lungs as they regained their capacity. Eyes closed, he could focus on Kourin again and the now youja-free clearing. His subarmour compressed his wound, Cye had gone, and Akatsuki—

Had vanished, along with Kure, replaced by a single unrecognized signature.

He coughed on remnants of blood in his throat, forcing his voice to work. "Tessa…!"

Rowen paused, hand on Sage's neck slacking. "Looks like she's doing just fine."


	32. Chapter 32

Five chapters remaining!

 **Warnings:** injuries, cult material, parental abuse, assault

* * *

 _Chapter 32_

—T—

What little training I had had _not_ prepared me for this.

I wasn't sure _anything_ could have.

Kneeling within the barrier's circumference felt like nothing short of being inside a tornado. Youja howled and circled so thickly they gave the appearance of wind-whipped fog. Metal clanging against metal filtered dimly through as Kayura and the others struggled against the turned Warlords.

Alexa stood somewhere inside the center of it all with nothing more than her own armor and powers to protect her. And—

White Blaze's whining and a wet cough from Sage snapped my head back around. My heart leapt into my throat.

"Sage!"

Red dotted his lips, his breathing labored—especially as Cye and I pressed harder on the three deep punctures from Cale's claws in the Ronin's side. I didn't have nearly as much medical knowledge as he did, but I knew enough to recognize just how _bad_ this was.

"Oh my god, Sage, please hang in there!"

He drew another breath; this time it rattled faintly. "I'm not going to die."

Rowen made a perfect baseball slide to us, Strata's subarmor flickering as it came back into proximity with Dawn. The air cleared a little with him around, but nowhere near enough to help what was likely a puncture in Sage's lungs. Trying to keep oxygen circulating through them as they were—even with my help—was as futile as Sisyphus's trial.

A third cough stained his mouth with more blood. He half-collapsed against Cye, who eased him to a seated position so he wouldn't have to hold himself upright.

Lifting one hand from his wounds to lay on his chest told me another reason this was so dire.

"There's youja in there," I told Cye and Rowen.

They had invaded his body through the punctures. Even if Dawn could try to beat back the ones around us, those inside were keeping him from calling Halo and healing what was quickly becoming a life-threatening wound.

If we didn't do _something_ , Sage could very well bleed out here.

But I didn't know how to dispel the spirits. I had read something about it in Kaos' book, I was sure. What had the book said?

 _What had it said_?

I couldn't remember.

…But my sister knew.

It took most of my remaining concentration to keep panic from turning my call into a pure screech. "Alexa—!"

I paused, one hand still on Sage's chest while my eyes found my sister. I could hardly pick out Dusk's deep purple through the throng of youja. Dawn could hardly _feel_ her.

Deborah stood over her, blade leveled at my twin's chest.

No.

 _No_.

Time slowed down. Something snapped deep inside me.

I was _done_ sitting back and watching everything fall apart around me. Of being unable to protect the people I cared about most.

Rowen. Then Dad. Now Sage. And, before all of them, for the years and years I'd known her, Alexa.

But I could finally _do_ something about Deborah's abuse. So like _hell_ would I let this go on any longer.

Cold fire swirled in my chest as I swiftly rose and darted forward. Dragonfang—Dawn's blade—settled in my hands. A loud kiai punctuated the longsword's horizontal swing at Deborah. Simultaneously, Dawn reached out to envelope Dusk in a protective bubble.

And total stillness swallowed us for a split second.

Then, like a dying star, everything collapsed on itself.

Pure _power_ erupted through the forest. The energy it released filled my body like taking in a breath that was almost too deep to hold. Youja wailed in pain before dissipating completely, the barrier shattering in a lightshow of dirty-gray multicolored shards.

Disoriented and taken by surprise, my knees smarted momentarily when they impacted the ground. Quickly scrambling back to my feet, I looked wildly about, trying to make sense of what had happened.

The old farm resembled its usual self, again.

A bright white barrier thrown up to my right and an accompanying metallic _clang_ startled me from my stunned stupor.

Deborah was back, and with pure fury on her face.

"Handle the Warlords," Alexa barked.

I glanced over briefly, intending to argue—and was rendered speechless by the change in Dusk's armor.

No time to gawk, though. Movement on her other side caught my eye. The Warlords were slowly beginning to pick themselves back up from where the energy had knocked them flat. Red-purple auras silhouetted their forms, indicating youja control deeper than the barrier we'd brought down.

Damnit.

"How do we snap the youja controlling them?" I asked quickly.

She didn't have to speak; Dusk, through Balance, demonstrated by allowing Dawn to sense her cut one of the ties binding the spirits to Dais. Ties that traced back to the cultists which had been supporting the barrier before now. They lingered along the outside edges of the former circle, each thread pointing to a single cultist like a compass.

" _Got it."_ I glanced to where Deborah was shaking off the effects of my energy blast. " _Are you sure you'll be alright handling her on your own?"_

" _With this boost?"_ Her smirk was borderline feral. " _No sweat."_

Cye had reached Sekhmet and locked trident with twin katana, now. I darted over to Kayura as she, too, moved to intercept the Warlord of Venom. Red and orange blurs clashed with Cale and Dais, respectively.

She saw me coming and delayed assisting Cye to consult with me. "These youja are proving far more resistant than I had hoped."

I nodded. "They're being supported by the cultists. We have to cut the puppet strings before they'll be released. Here—like this."

Taking her hand (Dawn didn't have nearly the same connection with Spring as with Dusk), I focused on Dais again. The aura came into clearer focus, as well as the six remaining threads tied to his controllers. I couldn't pinpoint the cultists' exact locations; I was pretty sure Dais's powers were hiding them. But I wouldn't need to in order to snuff out their control.

Two of them snapped in quick succession. I was surprised to feel no drain on my energy at all, like the whole process had been as simple as a flick of my fingers.

Ryo's shout was the only heads up I got. Instinct that felt more like Dawn—Balance—than myself sent me leaping away from the massive odachi cleaving through where I had stood. Kayura immediately intercepted Cale before he could get any further, deflecting a second blow with the Staff.

" _Keep going!"_

I nodded, and zeroed back in on Dais.

Despite my energy remaining constant the same as the first two connections, the third took more finagling. By the fourth, I struggled to concentrate fast and long enough to have an accurate bead on it. Dais' and Kento's fluid but unpredictable maneuvers certainly weren't helping matters any.

Somehow, I made it through the fifth.

This was taking too long.

Out of nowhere, then, the final thread burst into flame and crumpled to nothing. Dais dropped on a knee, the faceplate in his helm splitting and sliding away into some hidden recess.

A second later, Cale and Sekhmet drew up short mid-swing and mid-step.

Kento paused, glanced around warily, then relaxed and leaned against his bo. " _I can't believe that worked."_

Dais smiled faintly, looking up at the Ronin. " _You have come a long way since last we fought, Kongo."_ His gaze turned to his comrades, who were scanning the area warily. " _But this fight isn't over."_

Ryo cautiously waved one katana in front of Cale's face. The Warlord didn't react other than to continue scanning his immediate vicinity. " _These guys must think it is. What happened?"_

" _I've hid us from their sight,"_ Dais explained, getting to his feet. " _However, I can only do so much, and they may realize we're still here if we speak."_

I cracked my knuckles, anticipating sweet, vicious revenge as the tides seemed to turn in our favor. " _Leave it to me and Kayura. Now that they're not moving, I should…be…"_

Focusing on the aura around them—Cale especially—gave me pause. Sekhmet sported a similar number of spirits to Dais at eight threads. But if I wasn't mistaken, the Warlord of Darkness was tied down by no fewer than _twelve_.

I calculated some mental math. ' _Seven plus eight plus twelve…'_ My heart sank. ' _How many cultists_ are _there?'_

Alexa must have heard me. " _Twenty one."_ She paused—catching her breath, if her mental voice was any indication. " _Thanks Dais."_

"… _I think the ones I detached from Dais just moved to Cale,"_ I realized. " _Uh…Kayura? I might need your help."_

Sekhmet and Cale's attention turned to my sister, as she reappeared from the invisibility Dais had cast. " _I've got Mom handled. Stick with them."_

Noticing the change, Ryo and Cye moved to intercept. " _They're not going to sit around and wait for that. We'll keep them distracted,"_ Ryo said.

Rowen finally rejoined the wider connection. " _Just give me a good line of sight and I'll make them dance."_

" _Reach to me if you need a break,"_ Dais offered the group at large.

Kento _loudly_ cracked his knuckles, flipping his bo over one shoulder. " _Twenty-one cultists, huh? Sounds like a party."_

As everyone broke off to their tasks, I quickly reached out to Rowen. " _How's Sage?"_

His voice was more strained than it had been with the others. " _Alright, now… Still not a hundred percent, but better than he was."_ He quieted; I dared a glance back at where he and White Blaze stood guard over Sage to find him watching me. " _Thanks to you."_

I smiled softly back at the Ronin.

An earth-shaking roar echoed through the clearing.

My jaw dropped when I saw that it had come from _Deborah_. A red oni mask covered her face, and she'd grown to nearly the same height as Rowen—it was difficult to tell from this distance, exactly. Especially as she ran circles around Alexa.

There was no way she could take on a mini Ganon by herself!

Before I could panic again and rush over to help her, however…a maroon blur snatched Alexa out of the way. Deborah's sword scattered dirt and rocks through the air as it carved into the earth where my sister had previously stood.

I exhaled and—knowing Dais would be able to keep an eye on her—turned back to freeing the other two Warlords.

With Kayura's help, we managed to wrench Sekhmet free of his puppet strings in half the time it took me to handle Dais. Cye pinning him with his yari contributed to that handily. They exchanged a few words once Torrent had pulled the Warlord back to his feet with one hand, before the latter turned and made a beeline for Sage and Rowen.

My faint, tired smile twisted into a frown when I recounted the number of threads now centered on Cale.

Twenty-one.

Alexa had been right.

"There's gotta be a better way to do this," I half-muttered, half-panted to Kayura.

Then, right before my eyes, two faded away. Kento seemed to have had good luck hunting…so far.

But the Virginia summer heat, combined with the strength it took to snap so much resistant energy, was starting to wear me down. It wasn't like those cultists had to support the mind control while simultaneously confronting a superpowered enemy. And Ryo, even with Cye's additional help, visibly struggled in his fight with the powered-up Cale.

If we didn't find a way to finish this soon…

Kayura leaned on the Ancient's staff, swiping at the bangs sticking to her sweaty forehead. "I may have a solution. We're thinking too much about each individual line. It is like cutting tatami—instead of doubling our work, we should be as efficient with each stroke as possible." She looked over at me, pointing to Dragonfang. "If we can keep the threads bundled in one place, a single slice should cut them all."

A lightbulb went off in my brain. "So, kill two birds with one stone."

She nodded.

I took a deep breath and then exhaled, adjusting my grip on Dragonfang while she morphed back to a katana. One more thread vanished as Kayura planted the Ancient Staff in front of her, closed her eyes, and began a quiet chant. Youja energy rose against the press of Ancient magic attempting to corral it, while Cye and Ryo continued their dance with Winter's odachi. I watched intently, legs coiled to leap the second each thread came close enough together to split with one swipe.

After long seconds that felt like even longer minutes, Kayura opened her eyes. "Now!"

Cale's odachi clashed with Torrent's yari.

I sprang forward with an instinctive _kiai_.

Dragonfang connected, sawing through the threads with only slightly more resistance than a sharp knife through clothing.

A split second later, lightning struck, and an overwhelmingly loud crack of thunder deafened me.

—A—

My mother was a literal monster.

I couldn't decide if that made her a more or less acceptable target.

Dais poofed me a few feet away before unleashing his attack, generating a roar that shook the space and had me want to clamp my hands over my ears. An arrow distracted her, only for Kento's strike to drive her away from us.

This couldn't be happening.

Threads in my mind twisted in the panic and numbed it, the same feeling as the compound. Still, my voice stayed caught in my throat, wanting to use this excuse to hurt her but… this was the woman who had given birth to me. Who had, at least physically, been there my whole life. Emotionally was another matter, but right now the constantness of her presence weighed on me.

"You do not have to fight her," Dais said coolly but not unkindly.

I tightened my fists around energy that had been bubbling under the surface for decades. I focused on the emotional absence, the heartbreak, the agony. "I'm going to."

I pulled my arms up and let an arrow fly.

It grazed her shoulder, drawing blood that oozed black and pulled her further away from human. Further away from any smiles still clouding my memory and the hugs and—

Another arrow loosened, this one embedding itself in her leg.

Lightning flashed in my peripheral vision, thunder cracking through the clearing and momentarily distracting me. Halo had returned to the connection as had everyone else, the youja threads severing and releasing the oppressive net throughout the space.

The focus was still there.

It flared to life, youja wind circling.

I dredged up every reserve of Balance's power caught around shattered seals and pushed it out.

My mother's fireball hit the barrier, the ball quickly turning into a stream as her fury focused on me. My anger matched hers in intensity, pushing, pushing, pushing. My braced feet slid in the dirt. I could sense her drawing from the stones and the ever-fed brazier, trying to dominate. Trying to have me.

She would never have me again.

Nobody. Would ever. Have me. Again.

Something inside came unhinged.

I shoved back and leapt.

My fist connected with her sternum, my momentum carrying us to the ground. Athletics fueled more by Balance's strength than my own had me off of her and back out of range faster than I could blink, driving back in.

She grabbed her sword and swung, blade aflame.

I met her eyes as I took it on my forearm.

Her weapon shattered. She swiped at me with a clawed hand in pure rage, opening herself up to be thrown. I gripped her arm, now as wide as a young maple, and pulled. She always said to be careful with acting rashly when angry. You opened yourself up to be destabilized.

Her weight over my shoulder was more than I anticipated, just landing her on her back again. I darted away before she could recapture her blade, Dais grabbing me and poofing me back another five feet.

She swung a half arc, sword growing with every inch. I stared at her roaring at the sky, refusing to flinch at the display of power. The stones were still fueling her. The first flickers of a bubble film were beginning to form.

"Keep her busy!"

Rowen's powers drew into a point. "No problem."

His arrow flew far better than mine, wind knocking her in her back and sending up a cloud of dust from her landing.

To Dais I said, "Hide me."

White flashed behind my eyes. "Stay safe."

I nodded before vanishing into the smoke that had grown without me realizing. Ancient power joined me, White Blaze stalking through the fog that actually helped him vanish with his colouring. Balance's powers flowed into the youja, finding their focus point in a blink. Right by the crystal, right where she had been trying to drag me to steal Dusk. I barely bothered sneaking up towards the group of seven guarding it. White Blaze stayed out of sight.

A long dagger formed in my hand, the weapon I had dreamed of having to protect myself. Power pooled along the blade, focusing on its edges. Ice cold fire, the snow of dawn and the pure heat of dusk. The draconian pattern to the hilt was something I could only barely notice. The cracks between the seven were just wide enough…

I closed my eyes and thrusted.

It lodged in the youja, the fire around me shuddering. The cultists increased their chanting, trying to thicken the barrier and close the gap already too wide. I twisted the blade and let power flow. Molten glass filled the space around the flame, smothering the connection with the other stones and slowly dulling the brazier. A roar shattered their focus, allowing me to drive deeper.

Every ounce of anger. Every ounce of pain.

Every emotion that belonged to them. That they had caused. Was going to return to them.

They had hurt my sister. My father. The guys. Everyone I dared care about.

Nevermore!

The flame exploded.

The seven fell to their knees, cries of agony only amplifying as I bound them around their former focus with Balance's power, heart cold to their whines as the energy burned them for a change. White Blaze came out of the fog and growled, causing them to huddle even tighter as every trick they knew to placate animals failed to work.

I could hate myself for their fear later.

I glanced back up at the brazier and drove my dagger into the centre, splitting it down the middle. Now it was dealt with.

Casually walking back out in the clearing, I could see my mother panting in a field of churned up earth, attempting to survey the others. A red mask sat at her feet, smoke billowing up from it. Her wariness indicated she couldn't see the group that had her surrounded, thanks to another illusion. The others had joined, making this fight a seven against one— which explained her panting and wounds. I had missed all the fun.

"Would you like to finish her off?"

I smirked. "You mean yell at her with impunity?"

Dais matched my emotion. "If you so desire."

I nodded, stepping forward and through the curtain.

Her eyes— back to human, back to something I recognized from her darkest moments— focused on me. "So your friends have abandoned you and left you alone, hm?"

Tessa's dark laugh was somewhere in the background of my thoughts.

I crossed my arms. "Nothing about how I finally unlocked Balance, hm?"

Her eyes darkened. "You got it through their means. You'll have to readjust with your true sibling before you have the full extent of the power."

"Typical." I tilted my head to the side. "You didn't have a hand in it, so you don't think I have anything to be proud of."

She straightened her spine as much as she could. "And who's standing here with you at the end! It's just you and I, like it always was. Like it should be."

My lip curled. "You mean me as your puppet enforcer who makes sure nobody steps on your toes."

She put her hand on her heart. "How could you say that about your own mother?"

"Easily!" I flung my arm out, stepping forward. "You were never my mother."

Raven's speech from Teen Titans flashed through my mind. How parents were supposed to be kind, protect you, raise you. How others had taken those roles from her. But the words stayed stuck in my throat, especially watching her face contort.

Her temper rose, youja trying to rise with it. "You insolent— I know you hate me but you hate yourself more!"

I laughed. Sharp, bitter, and acidic. "You were the one who taught me to hate myself, you bitch."

"How dare you insult me that way."

I took another step forward. "How dare you ever use me to further your own ends without even thinking about what I want. How dare you force me to look for somebody for the sole purpose of you completing a set. How dare you never allow me one ounce of my own sense of self, to the point I had to fight tooth and nail to even think about myself as a human being. All because of you. Whether or not you admit it, this is all. Your. FAULT."

She lunged.

A red-armoured hand caught her shoulder and shoved her to the ground, Ryo's sword point going to rest against her neck as he stepped out of the illusion. "We will never abandon her. Unlike you."

Her arm, still holding her elongated sword, tensed as she debated the value of attacking him. The curtain melted away, revealing everyone else circled around her— and closing in.

Her breath caught, but not an ounce of tension left her body. She pushed herself up just enough to yell, "She abandoned herself!"

I flinched and turned away, walking… somewhere. I didn't want to admit that line, of all lines, is what got to me. Abandoning myself. Choosing to not follow the paths laid out to me. Choosing to ruin my life, deep down, because I turned my back on the sick security she offered. How that was the story she would tell everyone who would listen.

Tessa found me and flung her arms around me, pressing her face into my shoulder. "We did it, sis."

I swallowed and nodded, hand going to her wrist. "I know."

"I texted Liv." She turned and yelled over her shoulder, "Cops'll be here in about twenty minutes!"

Something about this hug was uncomfortable. I squirmed my way out of it, looking around— only to see Sage with his arm slung over Rowen's shoulder, him too pale and side of his subarmour splashed in red. He was looking at me, Halo trying to get close— but so weak I could barely feel it.

My eyes widened at seeing the pool of blood behind him. The very large pool of blood. With his footsteps leading from it.

I licked suddenly dry lips. "I'm… going to go try and find Dad before they get here."

I ran off towards the barn before she could even think of protesting.


	33. Chapter 33

**Warnings:** mild torture, suicidal ideation, self blame, trauma

* * *

 _Chapter 33_

—8—

"You really shouldn't have used your surekill so soon, Seiji."

Sage's breathing came in heavy pants, sweat beading on his too-pale face. The wide, proud grin that cut across his features, however, eased the knot of anxious tension in Rowen's chest. Slightly. "I know."

The archer shook his head, exasperated. Quietly, he said, "I'm glad you're…"

 _Okay_ felt too dismissive. But no other more-appropriate words came to mind, either. Instead, Rowen reached out, clasped Sage's wrist, and helped pull the bulkier man to his feet, where he stood braced against Tenku's side with his arm across the latter's shoulders.

"Alive?" Kourin wrapped his free arm loosely across the front of his friend's waist. "So am I…" he murmured apologetically.

Rowen had been struggling to even think that word, let alone say it. The knot in his chest pressed against the bottom of his throat, shutting down his vocal cords. He could only squeeze Sage in an awkward half-hug in response.

They'd almost lost him… _again_.

It hadn't been this close, this _immediate_ last time. The memory of Sage standing in the dark hall of his family's mansion, looking too much like he did now, ghosted past behind his eyes. Knowing what caused that had only come about later.

Now, the blood that coated Sage's back and slicked Rowen's subarmored hands sent a chill up his arms and down his spine.

He had never seen so much blood in one place. Ever.

Desperate for something to take his mind off the images, he attempted a crooked smile. "He got you pretty good—" He looked over to one side, where Kayura sat beside Cale a handful of meters away. The latter had laid his head in his hands, fingers massaging his temples as if he had a headache. "—but I think you got him back," Rowen teased.

The proud grin returned, though perhaps with a tad less energy than the last one. "It was most certainly worthwhile."

Rowen chuckled, then focused on the knot of Ronin and mashou encircled around a now-subdued Deborah. As he helped Sage take a few steps in that direction, he heard Tessa announce the cops would be arriving soon.

Moments later, Alexa stepped out of the hug she shared with her sister. Rowen and Sage were close enough now to catch her attention. There was hardly time to notice her eyes widening—flicking from Sage to the ground behind them—and the stiffening of her posture before she turned and beelined for the barn.

Rowen frowned, then glanced to his brother-in-arms. Blue-violet eyes lingered on her fleeing form, a crease between his brows.

Kourin was too worn out to afford the additional concern. Yet…

Just as Rowen was about to murmur "I hope she's alright," for Sage's sake, Cye approached with Sekhmet.

"Your strike was foolhardy," the latter rumbled, "but noble."

Sage had hardly acknowledged the mashou before Suiko said, concernedly, "We should probably get you back to the house for a change of clothes."

 _And a check-up_ remained unspoken.

Kourin nodded; Rowen could feel him slowly leaning more and more weight against him the longer they stood here.

"I can also make something to help revitalize you, should you require," Sekhmet offered.

Sage laid a hand on his side. "I'll see how I feel in a few minutes."

Aki inclined his head. "Very well." He looked between the three Ronin momentarily. "Shall I transport you to the house?"

Before either Cye or Rowen could answer, Sage inhaled. "Cye, stay here in case Derick needs you."

The other two exchanged a quick glance. Reluctantly, but solemnly, Suiko nodded.

Rowen cast his gaze to Tessa, who spoke quietly with Dais. The battle had taken all their focus, but now he was reminded—Derick could be in almost any shape or condition. He doubted they would have harmed him unnecessarily…but after seeing what their compounds looked like, and what Alexa then Tessa had gone through, that was cold comfort.

Sekhmet laid a hand on his shoulder, breaking his train of thought. "Ready?"

He and Sage both removed their subarmor; Rowen helped adjust Sage's torn and bloodied shirt, briefly, then nodded.

The world stretched, compressed, went dark, then exploded back into light as they reappeared inside the Schildnect's living room. Rowen immediately helped Sage remove his shoes, then climb the stairs and into their borrowed bedroom. Kourin set about slowly stripping away the bloody slacks and button-down from his sticky skin. Half-damp flakes of blood fell to the carpet every time he moved.

Tenku vacated the room temporarily to wash the blood from his hands.

He tried incredibly hard not to look at the red rivulets turning a vague pink as they spiralled down the drain.

Upon returning to the bedroom, he found Sage stripped to his underwear and sitting heavily on the edge of the mattress, staring at the floor. His breathing was still labored, but not the same panting it had been at the abandoned farm.

Rowen silently set about tugging new clothing for them from their suitcases—a whole outfit for Sage, a new shirt for himself. As he offered the articles to Kourin, who took them sluggishly, the kendoka finally spoke. "It's...nice, having somebody here…"

That earlier feeling in his chest grew twice its size, hand clenched tightly around the T-shirt he still held.

Sage looked down at the floor again, his own grip white knuckled and breath beginning to shudder. "I am so, so deeply sorry, my brother."

Rowen suddenly realized his eyes were burning. He hardly felt his legs moving to the bed, his weight pulling him down beside Sage like the center of a black hole. He put an arm around the archer's shoulders, but remained silent. Slowly, they leaned on each other, and Sage's body shivered with the start of quiet tears.

Kourin impressed upon Tenku the sense of being alive. And Rowen had never been more grateful for that.

"I only hope I can make up for how much pain I have caused you," the other man murmured.

Rowen's hands clenched. "You already have." He fought through a voice thickening with emotion at the thought of how merely staying alive had achieved that. "It is not your fault they…"

What was this overwhelming urge to bawl like a child? Was he still feeling the cult magic's effects?

Considering how Tenku still rumbled at the edges of his consciousness—

Sage's breathy laugh broke through his thoughts. "I took on Cale without backup."

"And we all trusted you to do so implicitly no matter the outcome. None of us could have done better," he reassured.

After all...it had been Sage's Rai Ko Zan combined with Kinkou's power that ultimately subdued Fuyu.

"I just hope to be good enough for you," Sage said tearfully.

His heart hurt. "You already _are_ , my brother." He swallowed his own tears, tilting his face into Sage's shoulder. "You always were."

Sage immediately pulled back like he had been hit with cold water, staring at his friend. Rowen almost thought he might've said something wrong—until, "I thought… after all of my attempts…"

He shook his head, squeezing Sage's arm that was still under his hand. "Your strength, even in weakness, has always amazed me. And I've felt privileged to be able to know that side of you."

Violet eyes welled with tears that spilled over in earnest, now. He collapsed back against Rowen's chest; he wrapped his arms tightly around his brother. Kourin's emotions, Rowen's own shock from the earlier close call, and other stresses of the day were catching up to the archer, as well. "I—I almost lost you…"

Sage clung to him. "Too many times."

Rowen shook his head. "This time… This was different."

He heard himself say it like someone else had mouthed the words for him.

"How?"

His hands tightened on Sage at hearing the brokenness in his tone. "Because… because—it—was right there. It was _their_ fault… and…" Rowen wrestled with the memory—how, even while he used his powers attempting to save Sage, Tenku's cries for vengeance echoed in the back of his mind. "And I… don't… know that Tenku would have let go, this time."

If Sage had… _died_ …even the full powers of Kikoutei or Kinkou may not have quelled Tenku's wrath.

"Touma-kun…"

The crack in Sage's voice finally broke Rowen.

He buried his face in his hands and sobbed like he hadn't since he was a young child. His lungs cried for air through his closed-off throat, more salty tears than he'd thought he had water in his whole body pouring down his cheeks. Sage tucked him awkwardly against him, but there was warmth and light in his tight embrace.

It could have disappeared forever. And sensing Kourin's overwhelming sorrow at realizing that Rowen could have lost the most important star in his galaxy only made Rowen cry harder.

"I couldn't leave you," the blond murmured. "Not from this. Not _like_ this. I'd promised…"

Blood he'd only minutes ago washed from his hands returned in a ghostly imprint on his skin. He shuddered and drew back from Sage, hands curling into fists in an effort to dispel the sensation. His friend merely took them in his and pressed a kiss to their knuckles. Somewhat astonished by the gesture, Rowen glanced up sharply.

He had never seen the sort of look that now graced Sage's face. Even when he had been dating Yusei, he'd never looked at anyone the way he did at Rowen now.

"What did I do to deserve a friend like you?" Rowen whispered tearfully.

"I ask myself the same question every day," Sage replied, voice reflecting some of the awestruck wonder Rowen was feeling. "I didn't...realize you felt. Close to the same as I did."

They both, it seemed, had been shielding their hearts more than they realized. Rowen's throat partially closed, again. "I...don't think _I_ knew. Until…"

Until it had almost been too late.

Sage's hand slid to the nape of Rowen's neck. "I had been so afraid of losing you, once we were finished school. I've been _better_ for so long it. Felt. Like everything we had…"

Rowen chuckled dryly. "And here I felt maybe I would have a little more time, after school."

The blond tipped his forehead against Rowen's. "I'd like that."

Tears stung his eyes again. He yanked Sage into a hug, arms around his friend's neck and face buried against his chest. His voice came out half-muffled. "Don't ever leave me."

Sage returned the hug with far more strength than he had had merely a few minutes ago. "So long as you don't leave me."

He shook his head.

Never. Never in a million years.

When he had set out for Tokyo with Kento those years ago, he had never imagined the kind of bonds he would forge with his fellow Ronin. He understood, now, how Ryo had found it impossible to sacrifice them all to defeat Arago.

He would not trade them for anything.

Kourin returned the feelings, ducking his head to press his nose against Rowen's neck and fingers curling in the short hair at Rowen's nape. His skin was less clammy, now, warmer than it had been when they entered the house.

When he felt in reasonable control of his emotions again, he drew away and gave Sage space to stand. He did so, cautiously pressing a hand against his side to test the healing and wrinkling his nose at the blood still stuck to the skin there.

He slowly made his way to the bathroom, indicating Rowen should follow—not that he had to ask. Rowen tried not to hover too close, but just enough in case his friend lost his balance. He watched as Sage carefully washed the blood off, then stretched the skin different ways to inspect himself in the mirror.

After long moments of this, he suddenly paused.

Rowen watched the expressions on his face morph through grief, to pride, to resignation, to some unreadable mix of those and who knew how many more emotions.

"I'm... more proud of these scars than I thought I would be. This one…" Sage twisted his torso, putting his stomach scar squarely into view in the mirror. "Still feels like failure. But these…" He swallowed, running his fingers along the newest marks. Rowen couldn't even see them, from where he leaned in the narrow bathroom's doorway. "For the first time since the War I wasn't afraid of Cale."

He smiled faintly, resting a hand on Sage's shoulder. "You've come a long way since then."

Sage's soft laughter eased the last of the tension from Rowen's heart. "For the first time since then I can say I'm glad I'm alive."

His smile widened, and he squeezed Sage's shoulder gently. "I think we can all agree with that."

The other man turned to wrap him up in another hug. Though muffled into his shoulder, Rowen clearly heard, "Thank you for staying until I could say that."

He put his arms around Sage, warmly. "Of course."

They parted again, Sage giving himself a quick final onceover in the mirror to make sure the last of the blood was gone. "Now to do the same for Alexa."

Rowen instantly froze.

What.

Sage picked up on the change in the atmosphere. "That look on her face… She's going to blame herself for my injury, not counting her mother's comments. You remember how fragile I became, after Ojisama talked to me. I can only guess this will be worse."

The only response Rowen could get out was in a whisper. "No..."

No. No, not after everything they'd done to get this far. She couldn't.

Sage braced his hands on the countertop, tipping his head down pensively. "Do you think using Kinkou broke her remaining seals?"

A pit opened up in Rowen's stomach. Suddenly, inexplicably woozy, he braced a hand on the door jamb. "It… It's...possible."

He looked up, and met Sage's eyes. He pleaded with his brother to tell him something reassuring, to say perhaps he was wrong and Alexa was no danger to herself.

He found little hope of those responses in the violet eyes staring back.

Sage visibly swallowed, glancing into the mirror. "She had _four_ left."

Rowen had only experienced three, all short-lived, and never been suicidal. _And_ they had no idea how long hers had been intact.

He did not want to know what this might mean for Alexa. But he could only pray they never found out.

—#—

They finally had taken Deborah out for the count.

But they had thought Arago was gone for good the first time, as well.

Ryo refused to let his guard down. Not until she was well and truly in custody. Not even as her breathing indicated exhaustion, and she whined in pain as a result of the various energies that had connected with her _oni_ form.

Too bad their healer was preoccupied, at the moment.

"Kento."

The summoned Ronin trotted over, sparing a glare at Deborah huddled on the ground as he did. "Need me to watch her?"

"If you wouldn't mind." He glanced over at Alexa as she darted away, toward the dilapidated farmhouse. "We have a few loose ends to clean up."

Kento gave him a thumbs up. "You got it, bro."

Ryo nodded, then sheathed the Rekka ken and trotted after Alexa. White Blaze chuffed proudly at him as he passed, a number of cultists huddling fearfully in the center of the circle the tiger stalked. He spared a moment to ruffle the big cat's ears, then continued onward.

The minute he approached her and came within conversation distance, however, he knew she wasn't in the mood for it. Kinkou radiated an aura that clearly demanded everyone stay away, Rekka only picking up snatches—ghosts—here and there of what lay beneath.

Whatever he could have said or was going to say to her quickly moved to the back of his mind when they found Derrick inside the old house. Rekka flared briefly at seeing how they had treated him. They had wrapped his torso and arms with heavy rope and bound his wrists, a silk cloth that stung Ryo's hands with youja energy serving as a gag.

A matter of a few well-placed strokes with his katana cut all those away; he smiled when Derrick hugged his daughter tightly…despite her attempt to jump out of range. The minute she realized it, she broke into the loudest sobs he'd heard from her yet, hands clenched in her father's shirt. His heart hurt for the pain she was barely able to filter away from the connection.

Everything about Kinkou felt far, far stronger than Kure had been. This sort of energy was something he would easily believe could have stretched out to Japan in the manner she had when Sage found her after her kidnapping. Even the scars that had crisscrossed the first yoroi were less pronounced.

The power of her emotions, however, concerned Ryo. This felt something like what he had noticed in Tenku, the last few days.

He hoped it would merely turn out to be a side-effect of unlocking Kinkou.

Cye was halfway through giving Derrick a once-over—mostly chatting with the older doctor to make sure he was unharmed, and going over what he could say to the cops—when Sekhmet returned with Rowen and Sage. Ryo paused his conversation with Kayura to go meet them, and was relieved to see Sage standing under his own power, again.

The color in his cheeks still left a little something to be desired. But he was alive.

He greeted Kourin with a warrior's handshake and yanked him into a brief hug. When they separated, he said, "Good to have you back, Sensei."

Sage maintained his firm grasp on Ryo's arm. Kourin radiated with _life_ , reassuring Rekka. "I apologize for scaring you. I have no intentions of leaving any time soon."

Ryo grinned. "Glad to hear it."

A particularly pained whimper from Deborah turned their attention to issues at hand. Ryo let his hand fall away from Sage and crossed his arms, lips pursed as he contemplated the woman. She appeared so harmless—almost pitiful, now, rocking where she sat in the churned-up dirt of the old farmyard. He could hardly believe that a facade had hidden such danger as they had all experienced. Even without the mask she had worn, now clutched safely in Kayura's hands, she could be formidable.

And yet...she was still human. Or at least, something that resembled human.

"Maybe we should offer to ease her pain," Ryo murmured. He glanced over at Sage's unreadable expression. "As much as I hate to admit it, we can't turn a blind eye to suffering and still call ourselves righteous in any way."

Sekhmet inclined his head. "Since Kourin is occupied and did not require my abilities, I would happily do my part in aiding her."

The Ronin trio looked sharply over at the mashou. No hint of the underlying emotions or intentions behind the level delivery crossed his countenance.

At their disbelief, he reassured, "I _can_ heal wounds, Ronin." He paused, one corner of his lips subtly turning up as if relishing his next thought. " _Unfortunately_ , since it is a topical application, it often acts closer to a disinfectant in its initial application, before the wounds close completely."

Ryo blinked.

Did he just hear the mashou use... _sarcasm_?

"I can get behind that," Rowen finally said.

"I'm okay with that if you are, Ryo!" Kento piped up, leaning against his propped-up bo.

He shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets, looking to the man standing next to him. "Sage?"

The blond merely lifted his chin, eyes narrowing subtly. " _It couldn't go to a more deserving woman."_

Ryo nodded, then turned to Sekhmet. "Alright."

Aki wasted no time drawing up his full armor again and approaching Deborah. As he left, Sage broached a new topic. " _How's Alexa?"_

Ryo glanced at her, hovering near the trees as if searching for something. " _I can't quite get a read on her. But since Kinkou showed up, she's radiating power and emotions. I'm...hoping it's merely a side-effect, and it'll calm down in a day or two."_

Sage's head jerked to one side, cutting himself off mid-headshake. " _She…_ potentially _had four seals break, in unleashing Kinkou."_

It took a significant degree of self-control not to whip his head around to stare at Sage. After the initial shock, however, he grew a little sceptical. " _How can we be sure?"_

" _Based on what I'm sensing now, this is what I would have expected from her, upon meeting her. Perhaps she's even more powerful now."_ His jaw shifted subtly.. " _Considering… I saw the cult energy inside of her, and if it was Kinkou that broke the barrier and dispelled the youja in Kourin, it's likely that process began by destroying her own seals. The seals feel like the antithesis of even our yoroi, let alone one founded in Ancient magic."_

Ryo remained quiet, turning that over. Rowen left him and Sage to help Kento hold Deborah; Ryo hardly heard the woman's pained squeals as Sekhmet's concoction sealed her wounds.

Instead, he watched Alexa. She remained on the outside edge of their gathering, never straying into the trees, but also moving no closer to the others. She, too, ignored her mother's whining—though Ryo caught a faint wince across her face at one particularly loud cry.

Compared to how Rowen had dealt with his seals...she seemed downright normal.

But that meant almost nothing, for how she was nearly as experienced at hiding her turmoil as Sage.

" _If Rowen's any gauge to measure by…"_

Sage nodded at Rekka's implication about her likely emotional state.

" _Do you think she'll attempt?"_ he asked quietly.

Sage inhaled, steadying himself. " _I am more afraid of that than I currently have energy to express…"_

Ryo released his concern in a controlled exhale, rather than the explosive sigh he wanted to use. " _And it's likely, with all this wrapping up, we'll soon be going our separate ways. Damn it."_

" _Rowen could fly out to her, but it would take him an hour. By then…"_

Deborah had begun to quiet down, sobs and moans turning to sniffles and heavy breathing. Ryo studied Sekhmet as he turned away from the woman to join his comrades. Slowly, he suggested, " _The mashou might be able to help."_

He hadn't heard this level of wry humor from Kourin in a very long time. " _Everything else has been turned on its head. What's one more of working with the mashou?"_

Ryo chuckled in response to the amusement in those words. Sirens growing louder in the distance interrupted any reply he could have made, however.

Everyone in the clearing came to attention.

"Liv says they'll be here in two minutes!" Tessa called out.

The mashou vanished. White Blaze backed into the trees. Alexa wandered a little closer to them.

Everyone steeled themselves for the task at hand.

With Sage's words in the back of his mind, Ryo made sure to keep Alexa in sight as much as possible—not exactly to smother her, or prevent her from trying anything. He simply observed, keeping an eye peeled and an ear open for any tips or clues as to how she was dealing with the stress. He made sure the others knew, as well, since they would likely see things differently than him.

Oddly, she appeared far more calm interacting with the police—and the FBI field agent they had enlisted—this time than she had in Canada. Perhaps it was the reassurance they had caught her mother, or the guidance of her step-mother in direct connection with these officers.

Ryo had no idea. But it eased his worries at least a little.

Later, however, as they ate take-out around the Schildnect's dinner table, Cye had a different observation. " _She's anxious again."_

" _What makes you say that?"_

" _Listen to how she laughs. Watch when her family directs the conversation to her."_ Suiko's concern washed over him like the tide. " _She's here in name only. Present because that's what's expected of her."_

Ryo frowned. " _Is there…anything we can do?"_

" _Until she comes to us, or we know more…I'm not sure."_

His uneasiness continued throughout the evening and into the night. Alexa dismissed herself from dinner first, heading upstairs to lock herself in her and Tessa's shared room. He could feel Rowen's concern for both girls as the younger sister watched the older leave, worry written all over her face.

Ryo set himself up to sleep at the door to the Ronin's room, again—as close as he could get to guarding the girls' threshold.

He had fallen into a hazy doze when a wooden creak from the hall quickly put him on alert. Quiet footsteps continued carefully down the stairs after a few moments of silence, as if trying not to wake the sleeping household. Keeping Rekka on a short leash so as not to give himself away, Ryo rose and carefully slipped out the bedroom door.

Alexa waited for him at the bottom of the stairs, anyway.

"I'm not going to do anything…"

He watched her steadily. "Would you take offense if I said I'm not so sure about that?"

Though he'd said it as gently as he could, that still drew a muted glare and very carefully enunciated, "I want to be alone."

"That's what Sage said after he attempted the first time."

Ryo had never been good with words—that was Sage's job, or Cye's. Alexa's fists clenched, glaring turning on the innocent wall on the other side of the hallway. Without saying anything, she resumed the nighttime stalking he had interrupted and headed outside. Shrugging to himself, Ryo followed.

She seemed to realize, once they'd stepped onto the porch, he wasn't going to leave her alone. She stopped again, saying over her shoulder, "I don't like other people to be around when I let the crazy out."

"If you're worried about us thinking less of you for it, don't," he said. "We've all experienced that, and we've all been there for each other when we have."

Alexa snorted. "Less isn't the problem."

Ryo crossed his arms, trying to rein in the smoldering temper that had gotten him into more trouble than he could count. "I can't know the problem unless you share it. Best I can do otherwise is simply guess."

"Then guess all you want."

She stepped off the porch, moving further away into the inky night. Uncertain how else to get through to her, he called out after her, "Your seals broke, didn't they."

Kure froze. In the darkness, he could barely make out her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. "Lucky guess."

He shook his head—hoping this wasn't the wrong way to go. "Sage told me. And Cye noticed the way you're here, but not here." Ryo looked down at his bare feet, thinking of six years ago. Quietly, he admitted, "I know what that feels like."

Rekka could feel her fear; he'd struck close to home, perhaps. She started walking, again, faster this time.

' _Alright, if_ that _didn't work…'_

He broke into a jog, easily outpacing her with a lope perfected from White Blaze. Grasping her arm firmly, he spun her around to face him and held her shoulders to keep her in place. "Alexa, you're going to destroy yourself if you keep this up."

She immediately shoved his hand away. Her voice showed signs of cracking. "Don't _ever_ do that."

Ryo could feel bad about ignoring her legitimate request later. He prodded harder. "Will you listen to me if I don't?"

Her jaw tensed with clenched teeth; she sounded choked up. "I never listen anyway."

He softened, loosening his grip on her arm. "Because you never had anything _kind_ to listen to."

A couple tears tracked silently down her cheeks. "I just abandon myself. Myself then everyone else."

The despair in her words made his heart ache. He brushed the moisture from her skin with gentle fingertips. "If that were true you wouldn't have gone into the cult compound to save your sister."

Something about that seemed to get through. Her tears turned to sobs, hands bracing against him as if to prop herself upright. "If it were false she never would've been captured in the first place. Dad wouldn't have…"

Ryo drew her into a hug, arms looped around her back like a protective wall. "You couldn't control either of those. Just like I couldn't control what happened to the guys when we were separated. All I could do was try to make it right by going after them." Amused, now—in hindsight—he added, "No matter how much Rowen told me we needed a plan, first."

As he'd hoped, Alexa laughed, making the ironic comparison between what he'd just said, and the sort of behavior Tenku had displayed _this_ go-around. But Kure's energy was still too erratic, bouncing around like Sage's static lightning. Her knees gave out, and her body would have crumpled to the ground if Ryo hadn't been supporting her.

He slowly lowered them down to sit in the grass, cradling her against him. "Just feel," he murmured, rubbing her back. "It's okay to be overwhelmed."

She took that to heart. Ryo felt Tenku's energy reach out and encircle them in a bubble as Alexa's sobs broke through the dam she'd built to hold them. His shirt quickly grew damp from her tears, Kure so flooded with emotion it all expressed as nothingness in the yoroi. He felt her pain almost as if it were his own, and held her tighter.

" _She was a monster and I hurt her."_

Alexa hated that she had used self-protection, or the excuse of another's villainy, to exact vengeance on them.

" _You don't need an excuse to put evil in its place,"_ he reassured her.

" _Does_ anyone _deserve to be in so much pain?"_

That struck him like a sucker punch. He and Sage had just discussed that topic earlier in the day. They had allowed Sekhmet to invoke pain in the pursuit of healing.

He tried not to audibly inhale. " _Sometimes justice requires that those who had exacted the most pain on others receive an equal or greater response."_

Her voice sharpened like he had hit her. " _They called it karma, and if you dished it out_ wrong _, it was your turn. You couldn't take it into your own hands…"_

Ryo took a breath before replying, to ensure his tone remained level. " _If we didn't stop Arago, who would have? If we didn't stop your mother here, what else could she have done? Just wishing something will go away or stop doesn't make it stop. Sometimes the world is waiting for_ you _to do what you can. If you have the power to do something and don't do it, what does that say about you?"_

She broke down into full-on sobs once more. Ryo tucked her against his chest, her head beneath his chin.

" _You were supposed to guard yourself before you even tried to help anybody else, if it could hurt you or hurt people who relied on you then… you shouldn't do it, you couldn't give up anything about yourself to ever. Help anyone…"_

That was almost one of the most selfish principles he'd ever heard. What kind of cold person did someone have to be to decide they stood nothing to gain as a human by helping someone else merely out of the kindness of their own heart?

The Ronin never could have won the War were it not for how hard they had fought to protect each other, let alone for the rest of the world's sake.

His hand smoothed up and down her back in long, slow strokes. He wondered if, perhaps, sharing more about that struggle might help. They'd avoided talking about large parts of it, with these two—maybe selfishly so.

After some deliberation, he began, " _I nearly put the world at risk by refusing to hurt my friends, when Arago had absorbed their armor. They insisted I attack him while they held him at bay from the inside…but I couldn't bring myself to hurt them."_ Ryo chuckled dryly. " _Irony of ironies…the second time we fought him,_ I _was the one who held him back from the inside, and asked them to sacrifice me to stop him."_ He paused, looking down. " _If it hadn't been for the Jewel of Life, and Yuli, I...would_ not _have survived."_

" _None of that would've been allowed."_

Rekka gave her a half-smile, in response to her lost and tired demeanor. " _I've found that rules tend to go out the window when things like life and the world are at stake."_

" _That's when you had to follow the rules the most and—"_ Alexa abruptly kinda cut off; more tears dampened his pyjama shirt. She sniffled. " _Why did it always mean I couldn't fight back?"_

" _Because that always makes it easier for evil to tip the scales in its favour,"_ he murmured. " _The first thing Arago did when he showed up was remove the ability for humanity to run or fight back. Having power, then, is all the more reason why we must act for those who don't have any."_

Something about that must have struck a nerve. She switched back to speaking aloud, voice a tad hoarse from the crying. "I wanted to hurt her but I didn't want to hurt her, I used more youja in the past week than I did the entire time I was with the cult, I hurt others to make sure they wouldn't move, everything… so many things I told myself I wouldn't do, but it _felt good_ doing them because at least I was fighting them, but now I hate I fought them."

Ryo heard echoes of their younger selves—especially Kento—in those words. How many times had they hesitated to use the yoroi once they learned where it came from? How much had they wished they could be rid of the power's curse? And if this little jaunt to North America had taught them anything, it was that very little about that had changed in six years.

Rowen's fear of Tenku was a prime example.

"Rowen keeps saying war is an ugly business," he said quietly, still with his arms around Alexa. "And while this wasn't… comparable to our War, it's been _your_ war for your whole life. For us, Kento nearly got us all hurt because he didn't want to use his armour. Sage tried to destroy his armour to purge the evil from it, and got captured in the process. All of us, at different times, nearly got someone or something innocent killed. We leveled entire city blocks, in some cases. And… sometimes you have to accept that you had to do those things to survive. It wasn't pretty. It was barely noble. But you had to. Sage nearly killed himself from the weight of those tasks, and we don't want to see you walk the same path he did."

Her shudder echoed through his body. "I don't know if I can live knowing I've done what I've done, no matter how justified or how contextual it is."

That...was a tough statement to follow up. After a moment's thought, he asked, "Can you at least try? Just pick a reason, any one. Doesn't matter how large or how small. Something about tomorrow you can hold onto, and take a step closer day by day."

Alexa's laugh came out dry, bitter. "It's so much easier and harder knowing how much of this is the seals. Easier because… I just want to die. Harder because I know how temporary this is."

"How does knowing it's temporary make it harder?" he murmured.

In like manner, she returned, "Harder to actually go through with it because I know how much it's going to end…"

Ryo smiled softly, smoothing a hand over her hair. "In my book, that's a good kind of 'harder'."

She drew back from him, a little. Rekka worried he had said something wrong, but she merely sat under her own power, looking down at her hands in her lap. "I don't know which one it is, in mine."

One of his hands had slid to rest across her shoulders, when she moved. "You don't have to know, right now. You can just...be."

She exhaled. "I think that's the first time in my life I actually kinda maybe believe that."

He quietly chuckled. "I spent so much of the War thinking I had to be something. I was Kaos' chosen leader. The team was—and is—my responsibility. But that was exactly why I didn't have to do everything alone—because we're a team. I was allowed to simply be, sometimes. I didn't have to turn the leader on for every second of the day."

Softly, hesitantly, she asked, "You… said you knew what it's like, to be here but not here?"

Ryo rubbed her arm absently, staring silently out at the barn. "I...think you would call it dissociation, yes?" Once she had confirmed with a nod, he continued, "School became incredibly difficult, after the war. I was never that great at it—football is my passion, really—but I had managed well enough, with Obaasan's help. But then, I just...stopped applying myself. I probably only passed the Tokyo high school entrance exam because Rowen was our study group leader." He took his hand back and stared down at the ground. "It felt like walking around in a haze. Things just...happened, like I was watching from outside my body. It...wasn't until after Sage starting having trouble that I. Realized there might be a problem."

"I would think passing out would change 'might be' to 'is', yes."

He burst into laughter at the completely unexpected, deadpan remark. "Yes, that's true."

Alexa echoed the laugh—for once, that day, not nearly so strained or tight. With a contented sigh, she shifted her weight onto one hip and flopped back against him, an ear pressed to his chest. White Blaze padded out of the shadows toward them as Ryo hugged her again, more loosely this time. The great tiger dropped his nose to nuzzle her side, then nudged her lightly and chuffed.

"Hi, you big baby," she murmured, scratching the skin beneath his thick ruff.

"Your sister jumped back in the car when she saw him walk up the first time," Ryo noted amusedly—also reaching a hand out to pet his mystical friend.

She laughed. "I might've, too, before the 'let me cuddle you' instincts took over."

As if in reply, White Blaze lowered himself heavily to the ground, dropping the not inconsiderable weight of his head into her lap. They both laughed, then, and the tiger thumped his tail happily while they showered him with affection and attention.

Eventually, however, Alexa sighed. "I don't know how to register she's… not going to jump out of the shadows, anymore…"

He nodded. "It… was difficult for me, too…"

They stayed out in the cool night air for another hour, just talking. Ryo described all the ways he could think that he and the others had coped with the stress of war. How they had fought nightmares with dogpiles, and Mia had offered suggestions with a "my girl friends and I" that implied she wouldn't tell a soul if they chose to try those methods. The way White Blaze had been his guard dog and his security blanket rolled into one like he was four years old, again, when the darkness threatened to swallow his yoroi's fire.

The first day going to their new high school together, they had fallen into an instinctive formation. Someone had called them out on it...and they waved it off with a tense laugh and the excuse it was a pose from their new favorite anime.

He could laugh about it, now. But fifteen-year-old Ryo had been absolutely terrified, beneath the bravado.

To see those experiences help Alexa at least a little, however—that was worth it all.

In the middle of a story about the time they had discovered Sage's night terrors, Ryo looked down to see her eyes closed. Her breathing came so softly he almost couldn't hear it.

He chuckled to himself, then slowly tried to shift position so he could better situate his arms under her. Alexa stirred and muttered sleepily, before realizing the motions were merely Ryo and promptly ignoring the world again.

As Rekka carried her back inside, then situated her beside her sister under their covers, he noticed a sense of quiet in his yoroi that hadn't been there before. He wondered if proximity to Kure had introduced any of that, or if all of it simply came from the tension their conversation had drained away. Kure, itself, seemed as still as the last moment of dusk before the sunlight vanished into night.

He allowed himself a small smile, glancing back at the twins on his way out the door.

' _Crisis averted.'_


	34. Chapter 34

**Warnings:** suicidal ideation

* * *

 _Chapter 34_

—T—

The forecast called for a fast-moving thunderhead to dump its entire load of rain over the foothills of Tokyo in the span of half an hour, this afternoon.

Rowen insisted we could beat the storm.

I, like an idiot, believed the genius.

Our ride _had_ begun nicely enough. Handfuls of puffy clouds skittered across the sky, moving with an easy breeze that felt wonderful in Japan's hot and humid, early August day. Ryuusei was feeling his oats, and the little gray mare I rode wasn't exactly going easy on me, either. Thankfully, the club Rowen rode with had carved a decent set of galloping trails through the woods.

Even though I had only been a couple months out of the saddle, I was reminded why I could never leave this love behind.

Once the two horses had winded themselves on a particularly steep uphill gallop, we drew back into an easy walk to give them a breather. I wiped sweat from my brow and reached for my water bottle as Rowen cheered excitedly. "It has been way too long since I've done that!" he said, laughing.

The sound was…intoxicating. I couldn't count the number of occasions I'd heard it in the last few weeks, and it still lifted my spirits every time.

I swallowed a couple gulps of water before also laughing. "It is nice, yeah. And even though she's not Starfire, I do like Kumiko. She's a neat little mare," I added, giving her sweaty neck an affectionate pat.

He raised an eyebrow at me, with a cheeky smirk. "She's for sale, you know."

As _tempting_ as that thought was… "No, I couldn't. Do you have _any_ idea how much it costs to ship a horse across states, let _alone_ an ocean as large as the Pacific?"

Rowen hummed a moment, as if mulling over an idea. In the nearly three weeks since we'd returned to Japan, I had only just begun to understand exactly how crazy some of those could be—serious or not. "I'm sure I could figure something out with Tenku," he said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

I pointed the water bottle at him. "I swear to God if you try to surprise me with a horse for my birthday or Christmas or something—"

"Nah, that's more like something Sage would do. TA salary doesn't exactly pay the greatest."

Rolling my eyes, I stuffed the closed bottle back in its pouch, and regathered my reins. "Then how can you afford Ryuusei?" I asked, exasperated.

He grinned, and my heart skipped a beat, damn him. "Internet."

With that, he kicked the aforementioned gelding into a canter.

Shouting, I urged Kumiko forward after him. The wind sang in time to the thunder of hooves along the mountain trails. Our horses danced up the mountain to that beat, matched in intensity only by our pulsing hearts as they worked to sustain us in the chase.

Some time later, however, a different kind of thunder rumbled close by, drowning out the hoofbeats.

Rowen tugged Ryuusei to a halt, glancing up at the sky just as I did. With a grimace, he admitted, "We should probably start heading back, ne?"

I gave him a flat, unamused look. "Yeah, probably should, Captain Obvious."

Impatient to return to the safety of the barn before the heavens opened up, Kumiko and I quickly turned to lead the way. We moved somewhat more carefully down the trails than we had coming up them, picking our way through heavy pines and the occasional pile of loose shale.

Rowen remained oddly quiet behind me.

About twenty minutes later, as the horses shifted nervously with a particularly loud peal of thunder, I found out why.

I...had no idea which way the trail was.

It was easier to say that in my head than to him, however.

After probably three more minutes standing silently in the middle of the forest, glancing about for any sign of which direction I should go, he finally spoke. "You're lost, aren't you?"

My face flushed. I turned in the saddle, about to retort with some smart ass remark, when a tiny water droplet plinked against my nose. I craned my neck toward the sky.

The entirety of the thunderhead we'd been expecting loomed large overhead.

"Oh shit," I whined.

Rowen, the bastard, just laughed and nudged Ryuusei back into a walk. "C'mon. We might still be able to stay mostly dry if we hurry."

I pouted and glared at him. "'Mostly dry' my ass," I muttered—but followed suit nonetheless.

Not two minutes later, the rain intensified. Within seconds, I could feel the water weighing down my clothes. An icy chill began to creep into my bones from the surface of my skin. Within a handful more minutes, I was thoroughly and miserably _soaked_.

"I'm completely, totally, one thousand percent blaming this on you, Rowen," I yelled over the heavy rain and another crack of thunder. I blinked, squinting at him and his horse's ghostly form through the water running into my eyes.

The hand he waved nonchalantly at me revealed subarmor. "Yes, ok, fine, probably not my smartest idea." He pulled Ryuusei to a halt and dismounted. "Now do you want to get out of the rain or not?"

I huffed, but nonetheless followed suit when the sudden cold caused me to shiver. We walked a short ways away from the path until the mountainside took a sudden upward turn, presenting a sheer overhang we could hide beneath. Not that it was really _big_ enough for us, not to mention both horses...

"C'mere," he ordered, unbuckling his riding helmet.

Confused, I peeked around Kumiko to eye him beckoning me closer with an outstretched hand. "Why?"

With an annoyed huff, he explained, "The smaller I can make the shield, the less energy and concentration it'll take."

I blinked. The moisture on my face suddenly felt warm. "Oh, uh… I, uh, yeah, that—that makes sense, I guess."

I definitely, totally, absolutely had not been thinking there was _any_ ulterior motive to his suggestion, nope, no sir, not me, not at _all_...

Clearing my throat self-consciously, I first nudged Kumiko closer to Ryuusei, then squeezed between her neck and the rocky wall to stand next to Rowen. By then, the familiar blue-tinged span of Strata's shield had shimmered to life. He let the subarmor fade, tossing damp bangs out of his eyes before hooking his helmet to Ryuusei's saddle by the chinstrap.

Now that I no longer stood in the middle of the storm, it became painfully obvious how drenched I was. I shuddered with a sudden chill as I, too, removed my helmet, almost involuntarily shaking out like a dog and then hugging myself. All the excess water was draining into my boots, which weren't made for this kind of weather. And there was little I hated more than wet feet. "Ugh, I'm soaked," I whined.

It was a shame I couldn't just yank at least my shirt off and wring it out…like Rowen was doing.

I caught my eyes lingering—it was difficult _not_ to, considering we stood all of a couple feet apart—and quickly glanced away. My pulse rushed a bit faster in my ears, thankfully drowned out by another peal of thunder. Kumiko wuffed quietly, ears flicking back and forward again anxiously.

Rowen noticed my discomfort just as I turned away to pat her neck soothingly. I heard cloth rustling damply, presumably as he replaced the shirt over his head. "Are you cold?" he asked—voice sounding oddly attentive.

Clearing my throat did nothing to help the sudden dryness in my mouth or my quick heartbeat. "N-no," I stuttered. "Just feeling like I took a dunk in a lake."

I hated how petulant my voice sounded, but didn't have the mental energy to care.

"Well maybe I can dry you off with some wind."

That was too cheerfully said. And before I had a chance to turn to look at him or open my mouth to say no no, that was quite alright, Strata's energy whipped the air immediately around me into a tiny tornado. It was like a little like rounding the corner of my school's buildings and getting hit unexpectedly with a twenty mile-an-hour winter gust across the mountaintop. The horses snorted with mild alarm, dancing back toward the edge of the faint blue bubble over us.

I stumbled a couple steps, trying to keep my balance. A rogue puff of air tipped me forward. I tripped over my feet.

Right into Rowen's chest.

He caught me under the arms a bit clumsily as I instinctively wrapped mine around his torso, putting us in an awkward equilibrium with gravity. While his poorly-controlled attempt at helping dry my clothing hadn't managed to do just that, I was suddenly certain my on-fire face might do the trick.

Outside Strata's shield, the rain intensified into a dull roar. But inside, a sudden quiet had fallen. We said nothing for long seconds, almost afraid to move or do anything else to disturb the new tension around us. My knees were starting to ache from the oddly distributed weight on my legs, however, so I carefully pulled myself a little more upright. Even if it meant now standing nearly chest-to-chest with Rowen.

It was a long way up to glance at his face. I quickly dropped my gaze back to the really-very-quite-interesting weave of his shirt upon noticing that he, too, was watching me. I chuckled anxiously, wishing I could take my hands off his side but having nowhere to really move with his arms now around my back. "Whoops, heh. 'M such a clutz, sorry—"

His quiet laugh only made me more aware of the blood humming in my veins. "No, I'm sorry. Still getting the hang of these other powers."

There was an undercurrent in his voice that resonated with my own nervousness. Odd—he'd rarely sounded that way in all the talks we'd had since we met. But we'd never quite talked _this_ close, before, I reasoned. And we'd been riding for an hour or so; I could make out, over the cool rain, the smell of his sweat, and the scent of horse that lingered on his skin from grooming Ryuusei—

"You okay?"

I blinked, startled out of my thoughts, and felt my face flush anew. Trying to glance away yet again brought zero reprieve, as there was no good place to let my eyes land safely. "Mhm," was the only audible thing I was able to get out.

A finger under my chin insisted I tilt my head back, and as much as I felt I should resist I…didn't want to. When I let myself look up at him, Rowen's face was a bit closer than I had expected. His intense eyes drew me in with the weight of black holes.

I swallowed.

He exhaled—almost as if to steady himself. "Tessa… I…"

The huskiness to his voice made my stomach flip. I waited on pins and needles for him to find his words, the rest of the world seeming to fall away.

We had sat on couches beside each other, before. I had even leaned against his side, eventually falling asleep by pure accident (usually). Then there were those times in Canada and at my house where he'd comforted me. Even those terrified moments in the cult compound that I rarely liked to think of…except for the few good ones where he had been with me.

But…but we'd _never_ been like this.

He breathed deeply, hand moving to settle under the curve of my jaw and ear. "I...know you said you...needed time to think. And I'm willing to give you all the time you need." I was starting to get the impression, now, that he was using heavy respirations to regulate his emotions; he exhaled and inhaled yet again, eyes flitting across my face studiously. "I just w-want to say, I—you, and your wellbeing, mean...a lot, to me. And…no matter your eventual answer, I still stand by the promise I made to you."

His thumb brushed across my jaw. I couldn't look away, drawn in by the earnesty in his expression. Rolling thunder echoed across the Tokyo hillsides, but it came from a long distance and sounded more like the low, happy growl of a certain tiger I knew.

Rowen hesitated a few moments before asking, "Can you…answer me one question?"

I slowly nodded. As mute as I felt right then, despite my heart leaping in my throat wondering what he could ask, I still did _want_ to. I mean, as much as I might have wanted to sink into the earth or leap away from him in embarrassment not much longer before this...there had to have been a reason I didn't.

Right?

"Do you trust me?"

I dwelled on that for a moment. Every time I'd had to trust him in the first three weeks we'd met. Every time we'd spent together since. All the jokes and the games and, yes, this too-damp horseback ride.

Even a single word felt thick on my tongue. I wondered vaguely how anyone would think a tongue like this could ever be tied in a knot, since it felt more akin to a log than a rope of any kind. "Yes."

There was another deep breath, though not as full-bodied as the previous. "Right now?"

He actually sounded...nervous?

I was too, I realized. But I supposed it was understandable, considering if I thought about it I probably knew exactly what was going on and just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Story of my life.

When I could finally conjure enough moisture in my mouth to comfortably give an answer, it came as a whisper. "...Yes."

A boyish smile flickered across his face. Slowly—carefully, almost—he leaned down until we were as close as we had been in the compound closet. My skin tingled faintly where our noses brushed together. He paused there, and I became intensely aware both of feeling surrounded by his warm bulk and the fact I was holding my breath. Realizing that, I exhaled sharply through my mouth to draw in enough air so that I wouldn't inadvertently pass out.

The faint stream of an oxygen-rich breeze wound its way in down to my lungs. I shut my eyes, feeling Dawn's energy twine with Strata so that the pair hummed with a power reminiscent of the thunderstorm around us.

It felt as though time itself held its breath.

And then Rowen pressed his lips to mine.

I instinctively inhaled, hands curling in his damp shirt's hem. He tasted like rainwater, a faint hint of berries, and a sharpness I would have associated with steel. His hair tickled my eyebrows, and a drop of water from it slid down my cheek as he leaned in. My heart jumped when his fingers slipped into the base of my braid and the kiss deepened.

Despite only lasting for a handful of seconds, we both parted breathless from it. We stared at each other, and under my hand on his chest I could feel his heart drumming like horse hooves, the same as mine. I couldn't have drawn back if I wanted to; my knees had turned into gelatin.

I worked my jaw, trying to remember how it normally functioned for speech. "I… Wha…"

He leaned his forehead against mine, his hand brushing stray wispy hairs from one side of my face and lingering there. It took long moments for him to gather his thoughts, as our breath mingled in the narrow space between us. "I—wished that I could…share how I feel, without relying on the yoroi." He withdrew a short ways, hand falling to my shoulder. "Thank you. For trusting me."

I couldn't help it. In all the adrenaline and flood of sensations with their accompanying emotions, I felt a silly, dopey grin spread across my face. An airy chuckle bubbled up in me as I leaned into him, face pressed to his chest, and I wondered if this was what being drunk felt like.

Gradually, however, as we stood wrapped in each other's damp embrace, a nagging sense in the back of my mind asked me to pay it attention. When it became so loud I couldn't ignore it, I recognized Dawn's voice.

The armor connection—that had earlier spun between Dawn and Strata like excited galaxies—now buzzed with worry. Fear. Ghostly whispers.

A sick feeling like I'd swallowed Medusa's hair twisted in my stomach. Rowen voiced what I was thinking, as I broke away from him toward my saddle bag. "Something's wrong."

While he tapped back into the other Ronin, I fumbled with the bag's buckle and withdrew my phone.

Normally, I didn't even take it with me. Normally, I didn't ride so far from the barn. Normally, I didn't get lost—in more ways than one.

There was a Messenger notification. My heart leapt into my throat.

I swiped my phone open.

 _ **Alexa:**_ _I'm sorry. I love you._

I clapped my hand over my mouth.

And stifled a horrendous wail.


	35. Chapter 35

**Warnings:** suicide attempt, emotional abuse, parental abuse, suicide attempt discussion

If you want to skip the suicide attempt proper, go to the second —A—. If you want to skip all mental health discussion after that to the point it's semi-okay again, go to the third —A—. If you want to skip the whole PoV scene from a suicidal person, skip to —8— If everything about suicide/the aftermath triggers you, a list of important points will be at the end so you can simply skip this chapter.

* * *

 _Chapter 35_

—A—

There was nothing like Dawn going AWOL to remind me how alone I was.

She was on a date with Rowen, like the dozen other dates with Rowen she had gone on in the two weeks even though she refused to call them dates because they weren't together, but it was inevitable. They'd end up together and he'd take my place despite saying he wouldn't, because she had never been this distant from me with Michael. She had reassured me up and down this wasn't going to happen and…

This was just the icing on the cake.

I walked to the bridge by streetlamp, thinking about lawyer bills. About my thirty grand a year annual salary. About how I wasn't good enough to grow my salary in this industry, my boss made sure to remind me of that every chance he got. Just like my mom always reminded me every chance _she_ got. I didn't have the skills. I couldn't do the simplest of tasks. I was a genius who'd never get anywhere cause I couldn't do the basics.

There was such a wrongness, to my existence. Bringing my mother to trial when I couldn't afford it. Always a financial strain on someone. I couldn't ask Derek and Liv for that, not when they still had student loan debt of their own to pay off and putting Tessa's brother through college. And we'd barely talked since I'd left; as much as I logically tried to tell myself they were my parents and there for me, it all felt like a farce.

Forgotten about, by everyone who was supposed to mean something to me. That was the story of my life. And it hurt so fucking much.

The August night was sticky warm, my least favourite weather. I had already sunk my savings into my lawyer's retainer fee for the trial— because this was going to trial, she was not going to [even think about pleading guilty or no contest. The sheer scope of charges felt hopelessly impossible to [even think about sticking to her.

Emotional abuse was the hardest abuse to prove. The physical neglect was so far back it didn't impact me anymore, not in any measurable ways. I'd gained back a lot of the weight I'd lost, and hardly any pictures existed to prove it; if they did, she could destroy them or deny they existed because they were in her possession. Doctor's records were nonexistent, me not having been to a regular one since I was nine. She had control of the quacks' records that existed of me because I hadn't wanted to take any of that with me, and I had been a minor at the time it happened so the copies were hers.

It was so easy to pin as my fault.

It felt true to pin as my fault.

If I hadn't been bi. If I hadn't been autistic. If I had just _followed instructions_.

If I hadn't insisted on leaving. If I hadn't insisted on throwing out everything she had ever taught me.

I was abandoning myself.

Abandoning all the good versions of myself.

I had all the skills on paper I needed to be successful. I had all the skills on paper to be everything any employer would dream of having. And I kept sabotaging. I kept putting off what I was supposed to. What I needed to do. I wasn't organized enough I focused on the wrong things my priorities were skewed I took too much time.

I had abandoned all her dreams for me, all the paths to success that had been so vivid and had kept me alive my teenage years. Gone in a puff of realizing how I could never reach them. Because she was right. I was too lazy, too entitled, too much of a prim princess to ever put in the work to get jobs I hated done. I didn't have an ounce of grit to realize any of the dreams that were the best fits for me. Destined to be a failure at everything because of how flaky I was.

Angry tears kept wanting to come out as I walked to the bridge. There wasn't another soul walking and there were hardly any cars; that's what I got for deciding to kill myself at after one in the morning. I didn't know if I preferred true aloneness to alone-in-a-crowded room.

It had been two weeks since my seals broke. I should've calmed down by now. Everything should be better by now. Ryo said it was okay to be overwhelmed, but he'd said that right after the worst of it and I was supposed to be over it by now. I was still as overwhelmed now as I had been then.

I had moved out a year ago and I was still as overwhelmed now as I had been when I moved out. My life was objectively worse since then— my mom in jail by my own hands, a trial sinking more resources than I had to give, and a dead end job I couldn't climb the ladder in.

I reached the middle of the bridge, over the deepest part of the river.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, it was relieving to see no new Messenger notifications. I ignored the encrypted app because it's not like any of them would've been paying attention. It's not like they could care about my presence when all I had become was pixels on a screen. When I had just been a blip on the radar for two weeks before everything reset back to normal.

I opened google documents to my suicide note and hit 'share', typing in Tessa's email.

Next… her conversation.

Her 'be back later' and heart hung at the top, something that almost stopped my hand. I had sent my suicide note. I knew she would never be back the way she had been before dating Rowen. Before she had somebody else. Before she had somebody better than I could ever be.

' _I'm sorry'_

Tremors made it nearly impossible to type the next message. My palms were soaked in sweat, the slickness making the keyboard only half responsive.

' _I love you'_

I hit send and put the phone down on the sidewalk.

A million reasons I was doing this floated in my head, all the pain inside turned into a steel rod. The first backbone it felt like I'd ever had. They didn't want me to go down this path, I knew. They didn't want me to do this. But they didn't know the full extent of what I had done.

There was no better. It wasn't even about the fight, anymore. It wasn't about what I had done to defeat the cult. It was about work and my future and who I was supposed to be and who I could never live up to.

I had failed as a human being.

My hands braced on the rail.

—A—

"I would suggest reconsidering, Kure," Dais said from all of two feet away.

I leapt back, spinning to face him. "What are you _doing_ here?"

He stepped closer, reaching down to pick up my phone. "The Ronin asked us to keep an eye on you, in case you decided to attempt. We had every intention of doing that regardless."

The single mention of the guys had my attention focusing on them for half a second. Half a second too long. Ryo, Cye, Sage, and Kento were all trying to connect, with varying degrees of intensity. Ryo's fire burned so hot I immediately backed away, which just caused Halo to try and take over and—

They were desperate.

Being alone was all in my own mind.

I only had the briefest moment to register a hand on my arm and the world compressing before I _screamed_.

Dais eased me to the floor of my apartment, staying in front of me with hands on my arms as screams turned to sobs turned to raking my nails over the shirt on my back and down my arms. All of the anger I had used as resolve was trying to drain away through my tears, but I didn't want it to. I just hated myself more for weakening on this, which made my resolve strengthen again.

My phone _ringing_ nearly made me scream again. Sage's encrypted-chat-profile filled up the space.

Dais answered. Before Sage could finish saying my name, I ended the call.

His voice in my mind was louder than I wanted it to be. " _Alexa, please. We can help you. Whatever it is, this isn't the end of the world."_

I tried to withdraw from their connection. " _Leave me_ alone _."_

Cye stopped my retreat, water of his armour trying to break over the dams I had set up. " _We're still here for you, even in Japan. We have the rest of the day if you want to talk."_

This time I just broke away sharply. I didn't want this I _didn't want this_.

Dais' hand squeezed on my arm, Summer trying to work its way in so he could calm me down the way he had at the compound. "I can take you to any one of them instantly."

I ripped back physically, this time, going to stand on shaky legs but only making it to halfway up before tremors forced me to my knees again. I had been able to walk five minutes ago, I had been able to walk. I had been able to do things myself and—

They kept trying to get a grip, each one of them. Trying to prove me wrong, that I really wasn't alone. I didn't care if I transmitted, " _Just let me be_ right _for once in my fucking life!"_

" _Can you at least talk to your sister?"_

Hearing Rowen's voice completely disarmed me. His softness combined with what I realized was hatred towards him, the contrast— I couldn't let both exist at once. The cool night of space slowly worked its way in. I curled up in a ball, trying not to imagine what I feared was true. " _You were supposed to be with her…"_

" _I am. And she's…"_ He hesitated, struggling for words. Strata ended up transmitting a mix of 'distraught' and how she was concerned for me all at once.

I couldn't kill myself now. Not until I'd talked to her, at least. I could do it after.

I tried not to let that seep into my voice. " _A-alright…"_

My phone rang again, with Messenger's ringtone, this time. Dais once again answered, putting it on speaker when I didn't take the offered device. "She's here."

"Sis?"

Immediately, I could tell she had been crying. I could tell she was barely _not_ crying now. Her brokenly hopeful tone came with hesitation and uncertainty. Dawn kept trying to get a sense of my physical wellbeing. I had mentioned wanting to bleed out, before, and I had purposely kept the plan to jump from her to make sure she wouldn't know.

I just stared at the phone. Dais put his hand back on my arm, rubbing it softly. "She's unharmed."

Her exhale was half relieved sob. Some murmured words barely filtered through before she said, "Do you want me to come over?"

 _That_ got my voice to work. One thought of my apartment, my absolute mess of an apartment, had me speaking again. "No."

I hadn't cleaned since I'd come back. I didn't need even more proof I had turned away the gifts they'd given me by messing it up again.

"Can...can you come over? I..." She hesitated, trying not to show how disheartened she had been at my rejection. Her voice dropped even quieter, and all I could make out was 'worried'.

I licked my lips, moisture slowly returning to my mouth. "Where?"

She took a much calmer sounding breath. "I'm...outside Tokyo, right now. But…Sendai's probably better. I can meet you there."

Sage pressed against the one weak spot in Dusk. " _My family won't disturb us, should we talk outside."_

The thought of being alone with Sage— when he would know how to talk me down— sent me choked up again. I knew my sister well enough to stay suicidal when I talked to her. It was a faint hope at this point, but it was a hope. "Ho-how long?" I let Dusk transmit the rest of the thought about _how long until you'd get there_ , throat closed back up again.

She was quiet while she figured out the answer. "Probably...forty minutes? Maybe thirty if we hurry."

I swallowed hard. She still sounded so stressed. She still sounded like she wanted me to stay. She mentioned hurrying. She mentioned _we_. "Okay…"

"Thank you, sis," she said softly. Like a breath. "I love you."

Her profile picture faded to our text conversation. I could barely skim the flurry of texts she had sent after my messages. Dais' finger in my periphery showed more as he flicked the conversation up to the beginning, keeping it there long enough even my barely-there focus could register what was said.

' _Sis are you there?'_

' _Are you ok?'_

' _Please don't be gone please don't do it'_

' _Don't leave me please_ '

He scrolled back down. My eyes settled on the last one despite themselves. ' _I love you. Hang in there. Whatever it is we can make it through. Please don't go. I can't lose you.'_

How the fuck could she say that? How could she say that about _me_?

It took a few moments, long after the screen had faded to black, for me to think about getting up. I went to my bedroom to change into a new shirt, my old one sweat-soaked between actually wanting to die and the heat. I'd read that in a forensics textbook, once, when you really wanted to die, you sweat from nerves. I had been relieved, in the bridge. Now, enough of me was revolted I didn't want to be near dampness.

When I came back, I let Summer wrap me in the power needed to teleport. He told me my damp shirt would have been fine, saying something about rain. For all everything had been overly-clear just a few moments ago, everything felt too soft now. Like a haze. The haze suicidality had cut through, and now I was back in it.

The humidity now filling my lungs didn't help.

I blinked to Sage coming up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and tipping my chin up so I would be looking at his face. "You are not weak for needing to come here to survive."

A few thoughts filtered through the fog, drowned out by the pouring rain outside of an open-air gazebo. What snatches I _could_ grab onto were about how the weakness was not going through with it, the weakness was in surviving, the weakness was needing others…

Dais returning let me know he'd left— and _Ryo_ had joined him.

On the list of people I wanted to see right now, he was near the bottom.

"Hey," he said. Panted. The word was too breathy, too strained, to be casual. Before I could do anything, he'd swept me up in a tight hug. "Glad you're okay."

I pushed away from him, but he didn't put me down. "What're you doing here?"

His lopsided smile just seemed to reveal the lines of stress in his face. "I can only stay a few minutes. I just…" He used my slackening muscles to pull me closer. "I had to make sure you were okay."

I swallowed, tears burning. "What if I'm not?"

He tipped his head down, one hand sliding to the top of my spine. "You're here with Sage. He'll take care of you until you're okay enough."

Okay enough that I wouldn't die.

Okay enough he could stop feeling so desperate.

Something about the way Wildfire kept trying to find Dusk's fire made me believe he meant it. I sank into Ryo's hug, arms wrapping around his neck and eyes scrunched shut to not cry.

I couldn't remember the last time multiple people had been desperate to keep me. Tessa was a given, at this point, but when it was just her I could silence it.

But now it was six others.

… _Eleven_.

At the thought of just the Ronin, Summer's presence broke through, the others joining him. Even Anubis, faint as his energy was, reached out. There were so many people, so much desire for me to stay, I felt warm and comforted for what felt like the first time in years.

Sage's hand joined Ryo's on my back, softly rubbing my shoulder. "We're here. It's alright."

"I have to get back to work," Ryo said softly. He let me slide down, keeping his hands on my shoulders. "If you need me, I'm an armour call away."

He kissed my forehead before vanishing with Dais.

Not giving me a chance to say goodbye.

I supposed that was the point.

Sage lead me to a bench in the middle of the gazebo, sitting me down beside him before taking my hand in both of his. I watched as he slowly— gently— began massaging my knotted-up forearm. His thumbs moved to my palm, gently pushing it out of the loose fist I had been holding subconsciously since the start of all this. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm not going to ask."

That got me to relax, marginally. "Okay."

He returned to pressing on my palm. "Do you want to hear why I attempted?"

I shrugged, expecting that to be enough of an answer. At his continued silence, I realized I had to actually commit to something. To staying long enough to hear the story. My mouth dried, but I managed to say, "A-alright…"

He moved to the base of my forearm, gently working the tendons around my wrist. "It felt like I had failed to live up to my family's expectations."

I tensed.

He waited until he was sure I wasn't going to say anything before continuing. "I had fallen in love with Rowen, which made it very hard to think about being with a woman to produce an heir for my family. And my PTSD…" He shook his head, hands pausing. "Ojisama would remind me that I was a _Date_. And Dates did not run from battle. They ran _into_ battle. Once I was traumatized, all I could do was run away. To hide. I… thought I could never live up to who I was supposed to be. That was the first two times."

I swallowed. "Were there others?"

His hands started again, thumb going down the outside of my forearm. "One more serious near-attempt, a year later. I committed prescription fraud and hid alcohol to attempt an overdose. Rowen found the alcohol before I could use it. I… I felt I had failed _them_ for not improving in a few months of living together. They had to reassure me over and over that it was alright I was still sick. Part of me still doesn't believe them, that it's alright I still struggle. But it's easier to quell those voices now than it was then."

There went the plan of thinking they would be too relieved to check up on me once I spoke to them…

He carefully stood and switched sides, keeping his hand on my bowed head until he could take my other hand and begin working it. "From what I know of you, your hands are not made for killing."

I tensed again, trying to distract the topic. "That sounds like a Fullmetal Alchemist reference."

He nodded. "Rowen showed it to me, after my second attempt. Seeing a traumatized hero… helped me tremendously."

"Two traumatized heroes."

He nodded and worked my outer forearm again. "I identified more with Edward. The single atrocity that… you feel like you can never atone for."

I winced at the grinding sensation under his thumb. "Roy was… more to my liking."

He was silent in reply, letting me fill the space if I wanted to. Get my thoughts in order if I wanted to. He let the statement stand, not even trying to pry. No ounce of curiosity in his manner or even in Halo.

I shifted slightly, more into facing him, not even having realized I had been facing away. "The. Slickness in his personality, and the atrocities he'd done in the past and how he wanted to rise the political ranks to fix it. How young he was. Felt more like me. But I stopped reading because it was hard to watch the flashbacks."

He held my hand, now. "Maybe we can watch it together. Something to look forward to."

My breath caught. "There's nothing to look forward to if I can't afford the trial…"

His grip tightened, arm going around my shoulder. "I can take care of those expenses, if you need me to."

I winced. "It's going to be multiple thousands a month."

He was quiet for a few moments. "That won't be a problem for me."

I stiffened. "I'm talking up to _ten thousand_ , maybe twenty. Her _retainer_ was six thousand alone! Even with her discount, it's still going to be—"

He stroked my back smoothly, gently, trying to ease the shrill in my voice. "The interest I receive on my personal investments will cover the vast majority of that, not counting any income I make teaching or via sponsorships. Or my not-insignificant savings." He let go of my hand, cupping my jaw so I could look at him. "This is all our battle. Even if _I_ couldn't cover it, between the five of us we could. But… I believe I will be able to." A smile broke his otherwise-caring expression, but his eye was still soft. "I'm sure my parents could tell you I have enough clothes to last the next ten years, anyway."

The joke made me laugh despite myself. Once that had passed, I looked down at my lap. "You're… sure?"

He nodded. "I can ask our bank tomorrow how to best send the money to you. We have enough _in_ that bank they see us immediately. I can ask for them to approve a transfer for the retainer, as well, if you're missing any."

I snorted. "Had enough to cover it, but now…"

"Nothing left?"

I nodded. "And my cheques don't always clear… and my credit card is due…"

He pressed a kiss to my hair. "I'll get you what you need as soon as possible. Don't worry about it."

My chest deflated with an exhale, refilling with a sob. I covered my face with my hands as Sage pulled me against him, all of the numbers that had been driving me into the ground evaporating under his words. I didn't have to worry about the expense of a trial, I didn't have to worry about my finances. He was taking care of me.

I wrapped my arm around one of his, gripping his forearm and feeling the strength he was using to hold me. Just as desperate as Ryo had been to keep me here. Halo made it abundantly clear that no matter what, he would make sure I was safe. I was secure.

Tessa was the only other person who had done that so freely, when she could. And finding out he had the means to do more…

I stayed tucked against him. "Do you still feel like a failure?"

"Sometimes… yes," he said softly. His arm tightened around me. "But I have learned _failure_ does not mean _worthless_."

I tried to conjure moisture in my mouth. "You sound like Tessa."

His laugh resonated deep in his chest. "And I was thinking I sound like Rowen." Once my breathy chuckle had died, he took my hand and placed it over his heart. "A beating heart is a hopeful one. So long as your pulse still presses against your ribs, you can change things for the better. And if you don't feel like your heart can beat for a moment longer, you can borrow mine."

Something snapped inside me. I collapsed against him, relying on his support to hold me up as I _cried_.

It didn't take long after that for Dawn and Strata to appear. Tessa rushed to my side, Sage's arm leaving from across my back to let her hug me. A moment later, Rowen knelt in front of me. I was effectively in a cocoon of support.

To fill them in, I somehow managed, " _Sage just offered to pay for the trial."_

Tessa picked her head up from against my shoulder, reaching across me to squeeze his arm. "Thank you." Her voice was so quiet _I_ could barely hear it. "I... _we_ can never repay you…"

"Both of you are like family, to us. Sage takes that more seriously than I think you can imagine right now." Rowen's hand went on my knee. "We all do."

Sage ruffled Rowen's hair fondly. "I learned from him."

He chuckled, faintly blushing at the praise. "And I learned from all of _you_ guys."

Sage's hand returned to my shoulder. "After… my second suicide attempt, Rowen invited me to his place so I wouldn't be alone. Because we were friends. That gesture still stays with me."

I could barely get my voice to work after that. "Is that why you wanted me to come over?"

My sister nodded. "That, and because I knew it would be important to have a physical connection, for you…"

I swallowed. Hard. That snap must've been the rest of my suicidal ideation. "I was going to reassure you then… try again."

Her breath hissed on an inhale. She leaned over to thread her fingers through mine. "I…don't blame you. For any of it."

My breath shuddered on another sob. I pulled her arm closer around me, Sage shifting to accommodate the grip. "You don't?"

She shook her head and squeezed my hand as best she could. "No. I've known you long enough, now…"

Sage put his hand on my hair. "None of the others blamed me, so they won't blame you. And I don't blame you, either."

I sat and just. Tried to think of all that. Tried to register what their armours were offering to me and looking at the space they had left for me with a general feeling of _does not compute_. This didn't happen to me. This didn't happen for me.

I squirmed a bit, having everyone loosen their grip to not feel so _suffocated_.

—A—

Once I could breathe again, I turned slightly towards Tessa. "Did you know Sage likes Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Sage snorted. "I feel like I should mention _Rowen_ introduced me."

Rowen gave a cheshire cat grin. "And he jumped into it way more than I did."

Tessa's jaw dropped. She looked between the both of them with mock accusation. "And you didn't _tell_ me?"

Now Sage laughed. "I didn't know if it was relevant to your tastes."

Rowen rolled his eyes. "Pretty boy has an image to maintain."

Tessa raised an eyebrow, looking at Sage. "Of course it is!" To her love interest, she said, "I could have sworn we've discussed anime and I feel like this should have come up."

Rowen's grin had returned. "Have to save _some_ surprises for later."

Dawn, at least, was blushing furiously at the alternative meanings for that.

I ran my nails under themselves, looking down at my lap. "He also offered to watch it with me…"

She smiled at that, her panic from earlier melting away. "That'd be nice! I'd...like that, too, if that's alright?"

Dawn made it abundantly clear she was letting me decide. I hesitated, part of me still wanting as few attachments as possible in case I _did_ want to try again, but eventually squashing that down and nodding. "That'd… be nice…"

She smiled back, more surely this time. More relaxed. My heart did a flip and it was easier to remember why I stayed. I could be horrified I had forgotten how much she cared for me later. I could be horrified I had brought the pain on myself later. I could be horrified at how much I had hurt them later.

I could hate myself for the pain still lingering in her grip on my arm later.

"Kento's wondering if you're hungry," Rowen asked, voice too soft to truly break the stillness that had fallen.

I chuckled with an equal tone. "He can ask me directly."

He rubbed my knee. "Didn't want to overwhelm you."

I took more than half a second to think about what I could _actually_ do, and felt Dusk curled up like a scared kitten in a thunderstorm. I didn't even want to touch my armour; she felt like paper thin glass. "I… can appreciate that." I took a breath, trying to remember the time on my phone I had left behind in my apartment. "I didn't really eat much all day…"

I knew my blood sugar impacted my mood and I had still decided to make such a permanent choice when hungry?

For all my idiotic moments, that one absolutely took the cake. Another thing to toss on the list of things I could hate myself for later.

I wondered how long it would take for that list to reach a suicidal tipping point, again.

Rowen stood and gently ruffled my hair. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like. For dinner and otherwise."

Sage's arm slid around my shoulders in a gentle half-hug. "Mind if I join you?"

I shook my head, Dusk indicating he could come. I definitely did not want to admit the main reason I wanted him to come was so he could fend off any unwanted comments I didn't trust the others to not make.

Dais walked over from where he had been standing under a tree to shelter himself from the rain. It was oddly comforting to me he had stayed, instead of leaving. "Shall I transport you?"

"I'd… like to fly her to Tokyo," Rowen said. He turned to me. "If you're up for that."

I looked up at him, curious as to why he would want to speak to me alone and dreading the thought. Still, the curiosity outweighed the dread, and… if _he_ had reached out to me when I had been so sure he and Tessa would've ignored me…

I nodded.

Sage hugged me in reassurance that nothing bad would happen, letting me soak up his safety, before he went with Tessa to Dais. Right before transporting, she came back to hug me herself, clinging to me and letting me know she wanted me to come visit for awhile. When she broke away, I could see a thin line of tears on her lashes. She whispered she loved me, waiting for me to say it back before returning to the two patiently waiting men.

The three of them left, so it was just me alone with Rowen.

His armour energy strengthened, and I glanced over to see his already-towering-over-me frame even _taller_ thanks to the height of his helm. "C'mon. Strata's shields can keep you dry."

I nodded, pulling up my subarmour anyway and immediately flinching at how scarred it was. His hand on my shoulder grounded me and let me at least partially put it out of my mind as we stepped into the downpour. The sound of rain against… something made me look up at a thin blue bubble high above my head and curling down to eye level.

Without even thinking, I reached out and touched it.

I almost jumped back when the barrier was _warm_.

He put a hand on my back to steady me. "You're safe. It won't hurt you."

I laughed a bit. "No, no, I was expecting it… to be cold like glass."

He blinked, looking thoughtfully at his own barrier. "I'd...actually never thought about it."

I reached out and touched it again, Dusk responding to Strata and me able to follow the rivulets of water without feeling my hand cramp from the cold. I tried to follow them _up_ , jumping to try and reach the top, before mock glaring at Rowen's helm. The bubble was set to _his_ height. His _armour_ height. "Damn you for being this tall."

He laughed, glint of mischief in his eyes before he bent down, wrapped his arms around my waist, and picked me up. His helm disappeared in the process, allowing me to not get stabbed with the horns. "Better?"

I laughed at how I was now taller than him by about the same proportion as he was taller than me, the bubble adjusted to _my_ height. I touched the very top of where rain met magic, feeling the pounding through the thin film and hearing it echo so much closer to my ears and this was exactly what I thought being in the middle of a rainstorm would be, when you took away the whole 'being drenched' thing. I only noticed how widely I was smiling when I spoke. "Yeah…"

I didn't know quite how long I spent lost in my own thoughts, just watching the rain and tracing drops' patterns down to where they fell off the edge. Eventually I squirmed to be let down, wanting to feel the bottom of the bubble and the rain outside, to touch everything I could. Even the edge of the bubble was soft against my now-bare hands, parting like mist as I pushed against it. The rain _turned_ to mist as the barrier folded and scattered around the interruption.

I glanced at Rowen's face, wondering if he knew his powers could _do that_ , and saw a look I had _wanted_ to be directed towards me but had never in my wildest dreams thought it actually _would_ be. That familial affection, that warmth of watching somebody be interested in something…

And an hour ago I had hated him with every fiber of my being.

I gripped my elbow and shrank into myself, not knowing how to process the two feelings at once.

—8—

At Alexa's sudden disquiet, Rowen reached out to hold her hand reassuringly. "Sage thought I would hate him, when he came out to me. He almost didn't, because he was certain I wouldn't accept him. It wasn't until I saw him attempt that I was able to prove him wrong. And that was after he had tried to hide his first attempt from us." He looked up from her hand to her eyes. "If you're anything like Sage, which I think you are, you're going to hate yourself for attempting and be terrified of our reactions."

She stared at the ground, digging her toes into damp earth. "Ju-just the reactions to reasoning." More quietly, she clarified, "And really just… yours…"

He tilted his head to one side, wondering why the specificity, before straightening it again. "You don't have to fear me. And if hearing me say that doesn't mean much, I'm sure Sage would be willing to tell you why."

"I'd rather hear it from you," she said flatly.

Yet another surprise—he'd been expected her to be more comfortable with the idea of speaking to Sage. After only a brief lift of his eyebrows, he continued, "When Sage attempted the second time, I stopped him. I was so terrified, I ended up scolding him. He...later told me that what then lead to his confession was the fact that even though he thought I was mad, I insisted on staying with him. The majority of the experience he'd had with anger, to that point, was his grandfather lecturing him and leaving him by himself to meditate."

"That would explain why he understands my mom…" He nodded at her soft words, but said nothing in order to allow her the space to continue. "So you. Even if you did get mad at me for saying I built you up as somebody who would cause me to lose my best friend, you wouldn't stay mad for very long…?"

Rowen shook his head. "I'm not mad at you at all. I… Basically, if I had had the same attachment to Kento that I ended up having with Sage, back when Kento and I were first friends, and then someone tried to get between us… I can understand how that would feel." After a moment's thought, he said, "For context, Kento was the first friend I had ever made who I felt comfortable being myself around. We were barely thirteen, at the time."

He watched her swallow, staring at her feet. "She was never this absent for so long even when dating Michael so I thought…"

That...was a bit of news, to him. He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily, thinking of how wrapped up in their own bubble he and Tessa had been. It hadn't just been today, either, but all the time they'd been spending together the last few weeks. "I guess we...got a bit distracted. Sorry."

Tenku sheepishly reassured her that none of it had been less innocent than movies and video games. She took a different direction, barely acknowledging his reassurance. "It's completely unreasonable to expect her to be around as much as I do."

"That doesn't mean you're wrong for wanting it."

Alexa inhaled sharply, look up at him with so much hope that that was true; but her eyes shone with pending tears, and she quickly glanced away again. Heart tugging at the feelings coming from Kure, Rowen gently tipped her chin up with a finger. He hoped the compassion he felt came through in his expression. "I mean that. You're not wrong. The love you have for your sister and those you consider family is truly beautiful and amazing."

Something about that reached her. She tipped forward into his torso and hugged him around the chest, crying quietly. Rowen let Tenku fade for a bit so she could have a softer surface to hold than cold steel, wrapping his arms around her. He heard her gasp before tangling her fingers in his sweatshirt and clinging to him. The rain continued to fall in a light melody against the shield around them.

Once she had calmed, he drew back slightly. "I want to show you something." He pulled Tenku's shell back into existence. "Ready to fly?"

She brought Kure up as well and nodded, otherwise silent. Once she had comfortably settled into riding piggyback, he hopped into the air and started climbing. He went slowly at first, making sure she was settled before gaining speed to break through the upper cloud layer. At that point, he felt comfortable reaching the velocity necessary to launch into a low orbit.

"Hold on tight."

Alexa squeaked when he did, awe and a little thrill of fear coming through Kure. He smiled back at her, both of them enjoying the incredible feeling that was so very different from sitting in a pressurized airplane cabin.

They ascended until the first pings of space debris struck his shield, sounding not unlike the rain they had left behind over Japan. Below them, the vast Pacific Ocean stretched away to the western North American shore, a line of darkness splitting the difference as it slowly advanced on his home country. Just visible around the curve of the earth, bright sunlight glinted off the International Space Station's metal shell.

Alexa carefully slid off his back and floated within their protective bubble, one hand with a tight grip on his elbow to stay grounded. His favorite lady had rolled out the red carpet, tonight, draped in an inky black gown bejeweled with literal stars and garlanded in multicolor nebulas. Tenku hummed contentedly, a welcome change from the harsh, youja-induced tones of weeks prior.

But Rowen focused on Alexa's face, watching her jaw drop and the all-encompassing wonder fill her eyes as she stared off into space behind them. "It's so pretty…"

"It certainly is," he murmured in reply. He, too, stared out into the dark, drinking in the weightless beauty of his element. "I never get tired of it. Every time I come up here, Strata sings, and I feel...both so much smaller and so much stronger, at the same time."

Something about that seemed unsettling to her, rather than comforting. He couldn't place what it was, however, besides whispers that it didn't quite resonate with her. She didn't seem to know how to react to being shown something so intimate and precious.

"I hope you've shown Tessa this, too…"

He nodded, a tad sheepishly. The way she had begged him to teach her…he couldn't have said no. She had been so eager to drink it all in, she'd almost fallen out of the bubble. "Once she got the hang of flying, she wanted me to show her how to get up here."

"Good…"

Alexa still sounded hurt, about that. Rowen lightly brushed the bangs from her face. "She's still her own person. She's too strong-willed for anyone to ever bend or break her to their will. And she cares so deeply about you. I have no desire to stunt that." He looked away, over the Earth. "I wanted to bring you here both to include you, to show you something wonderful, and to share how it helped me cope through a difficult time in my life."

"Mhm?"

He hadn't quite expected a non-answer, giving him space to actually explain. After a pause to gather his thoughts, he began, "I had always struggled, being different like I was as a child. By four I was reading my father's chemistry textbooks, and had my own graduate-quality telescope at six. As far as I know, I'm actually one of the few students in Japan ever to skip a grade, because I was absolutely bored in my classes. It didn't help my father was absent-minded and my mother left when I was ten to travel the world for her job.

"I think, maybe, because of that I didn't have a solid group of friends until the Dynasty War. Kento started that, but the others continued it when they welcomed me into team." His chin dropped slightly, voice quieting. "It was why I worked so hard to help Sage. I had cautioned Ryo against going after him, Kento, and Cye during the War, because I was afraid of losing to Arago. But I saw Ryo's determination to save them and the care he had for all of us and…I couldn't let them down."

Rowen smiled at Alexa, squeezing her shoulder encouragingly. "I wanted you to know I feel the same for you and Tessa. You're part of our family now."

She looked down, eyes below his chest rather than straight down at the open space beneath them. "That word doesn't mean anything to me."

He lifted his hand from her shoulder to rest on her head, Tenku encouraging her to look up. "It didn't mean much to me, aside from my mother, until I found them. And it took months to years to really let myself believe I had people on my side." An amused smirk crossed his lips. "Especially ones who didn't have the bias my mother does, as kind as she is."

"The only word that means anything to me is 'sister'," she said quietly.

"I'm not asking you to understand 'family' right away, necessarily. But 'brother' is not far removed from 'sister'. You have a similar bond with Tessa that I do with Sage." He pointed toward the sun, still mostly visible to one side of them. "They're both the sun we orbit. For you, she's your promise the night will end. For me, Sage is my reassurance that what we went through in the War, the influence the armors have on us, won't turn our human hearts into something inhumanly cruel and unrecognizable."

Alexa swallowed. "She shouldn't be, though."

"What tells you that?"

Her eyes fell to their feet. "That sort of thing should be… self sufficient. When it's outside of you, you're. At the mercy of it."

"When we don't have someone outside to provide a feedback loop, we're walking in the dark. We're at the mercy of our own flaws and biases. A sword without a whetstone will not remain sharp long. A bow without a hand or a rest to lay an arrow against is at best inaccurate." He drew in an uneven breath, still feeling the echoes of youja magic despite being surrounded by his most comfortable environment. "If Tessa had not been able to keep Strata in check, at the height of my rage, I would have killed Michael. Without those kinds of external checks and balances, the world would fall to ruin."

Her breath shuddered. "I don't think anyone's told me that before…"

Rowen tucked her against him in a comforting hug. "It's not something commonly taught. I really learned it from physics and the other sciences." He looked back out into space. "Without the constant ebb and flow, push and pull feedback cycles of gravity and dozens more forces at work this very instant, this universe wouldn't exist."

She nodded, appearing to understand the scientific principle, at least. "I can't lose her…"

He recognized the whispers in those words, how Kure communicated that the thought of ever having to live without her sister had been partly a driver in her attempt. "Sage felt the same about me. He still does."

Alexa began to tremble, this time in relief, burrowing against him and fingers curling on the metal of his armor. He held her tightly, allowing the emotion to release with as much time as she needed. "C'mon," he said encouragingly. "Let's go get some food. I think I can hear Kento pacing the kitchen from here."

The ride back down came a little more quickly but more relaxed than the ride up. Roughly twenty minutes later, they gently touched down on the fire escape grate of the apartment complex, both his shield and their yoroi vanishing along with the weightlessness.

Inside, they found Kento had just walked in the door not long before them. A spread of fresh-cooked Chinese had started to build on every surface of the tiny kitchen, as the apartment's inhabitants withdrew them from the huge to-go bag Kongo had acquired. Rowen had to nudge Alexa to step further in to where the group stood in the small space; once Tessa saw her, however, she immediately hopped up and darted over to wrap her in a tight hug. Kento called dibs after her, making a joke about big teddy bears needing hugs and getting a brief laugh out of Kure.

Fullmetal Alchemist sat paused on the TV screen, he noticed.

He smiled.

* * *

 _Summary_

\- Sage offers to pay for the trial to ease financial stress

\- Sage and Alexa talk about how Fullmetal Alchemist gave them heroes they could relate to

\- The Warlords offer their support and friendship

\- They all reassure Alexa they're in this together, and they're all family

\- They all pile over for dinner in Tokyo

\- Rowen offers to fly Alexa to Tokyo and lets her experience the rain without getting wet, acting like a brother

\- He reassures her he won't take her sister away, because Alexa's bond with Tessa is the same bond he has with Sage: the sun they orbit


	36. Chapter 36

And... the final chapter! Just the epilogue to go. Stay tuned for some fun~

 **Warnings:** suicidal ideation, emotional abuse, flashbacks, addiction

* * *

 _Chapter 36_

—A—

Waking up to a darker room than I had gone to sleep in was a new feeling. The guys had insisted I take Rowen's room when I had been so tired I couldn't move, pointing to the blackout blinds drawn tight. Even with what I assumed to be a very neon night-life, the room was barely lighter than a phone turned on.

Rowen's bedside clock read just shy of two thirty. Less than I would've liked to sleep, but at least it was some. And it wasn't too late in Ottawa, so there was unlikely to be a pile of work waiting for me.

The thought of going back to work made me want to die all over again, but at least it was manageable.

I pushed myself up with a groan before heading into the living room, Fullmetal Alchemist still on. Tessa slept on a futon, Sage slept on the couch, and Rowen sat on the floor in front of the couch, leaning against it with Sage's hand on his shoulder. Kento was asleep in the room next door… and Ryo was just waking up in that same room, having taken Cye's place while Cye was visiting family.

Ryo hadn't been there, when I fell asleep.

He came out of the room just as Rowen got up and stretched. My attention went to the _brightness_ Wildfire radiated, allowing me to see him easily even as my eyes adjusted to the dark. "Feeling better?"

I let out a breathy laugh, threading my fingers through my hair. "Enough…"

He put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug, one hand rubbing my back. "I'm glad to hear it." He pulled back, hand going to my head. "Wanted… to be here when you woke up, just…"

"Your PTSD?" At his nod, I briefly hugged him again. "I'm. Kinda glad I got to tell you I'm feeling a little better."

He squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe before letting me go.

Everyone else woke up to some degree to ask me how I was doing. My answer was better but I was still tired, better but I just wanted to go home to eat. I kept it buried deep down how much my job made me want to die; I didn't want to have that conversation, right this moment.

I wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn't.

Dais appeared right as we were on the conversation of how I would get home. I left with a general commentary on when they'd wake up and I could call at any time if it got bad, they'd be there for me. They didn't want me to ever feel so alone I had to do something drastic. Their sleep wasn't more important than my life.

It was exceptionally hard to believe that, but they repeated it so much it had to be true.

After a few final goodbye hugs— Tessa throwing in a kiss on my cheek—Dais poofed me back to my apartment. Sun flooded the space in the way my internal clock told me it should, and I was back to being alone.

I blinked.

The place was _clean_.

Dais smiled at my reaction. "We… hoped clearing your space would help clear your mind."

I laughed softly. "I… I don't know what to say…"

Dais kept his hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to spend some time in the youjakai, with us?"

I looked down. "Kinda want to avoid going back to work, so yes."

He poofed me to a room full of low, lounge-friendly couches, all around a table with a blanket flowing down from under the top. A television on the wall showed Smash Brothers; all the other Warlords other than Anubis held a controller, one lounging empty on the table for Dais. But the game paused the minute I came in.

I swallowed, shifting awkwardly by Dais' side. One of Cale's dogs came up from their position near the table to sniff my hand, whining softly as they pushed into my thigh like a giant cat. Scratching them was almost on automatic, just to give something for my hands to do.

Cale stood up from the game. "Do you want breakfast, Kure?"

I nodded. "Dunno what I want, but…"

He smiled at me. "Don't worry. This place is called the City of Desire for a reason."

I turned to follow him walking behind me, seeing him go into an open… kitchen, something far more modern than I would have expected. Then again, a television with video games was also far more modern than I would have expected. The whole room was light and airy despite the curtains closed. My stark white and light grey space looked downright somber compared to the tans and dark wood of this room.

Anubis watched me, staying unusually distant. "After they lived in the ningenkai for a time, they brought back some of the comforts of the modern world."

I laughed softly as leftover food from yesterday— only in full containers— came out of the fridge. And bacon curry fried rice. And burritos.

My mouth _watered_ and I dove in. Food for everyone had gone on the table, I had cozied up under the table with blissful soft heat, Anubis beside me with the rest of the Warlords on the other side, and Cale's dog Inkblot laying half under the heat of the table.

By the time my fried rice was done, a tournament among the four Warlords had ended. I reached to the table to grab the next dish I wanted, kept warm by the heating element under the surface, when I saw Kayura pass her controller off to Anubis.

He gripped it firmly, causing a ripple of mixed emotions among the seasonal armours that was kept from me. But from my own flash of guilt, I knew exactly what it was.

I had nearly taken that opportunity from them.

Everyone was far more muted than they could have been at teaching their old friend how to play. All-too familiar grief underscored it, with how he had watched but didn't know how to actually use the controller; from the feel of it, he could barely remember how to use his hands, his somewhat more physical form so recent.

Flashes of anger flicked like fireflies in the connection. I let them wash over me, almost relieved that finally somebody _was_ angry at me. Finally there was pain and heartbreak and them wanting to be selfish, wanting to possess me.

Emotions I deserved, instead of the heartbreaking understanding the Ronin had given me.

They played one game before I felt Anubis disconnect from Dusk, taking some of my energy— and honestly most of his— with it. His visible presence vanished.

"Pushed too far?" Kayura said to the empty air.

A sense of agreement floated through. I wanted to offer more energy, but his ghost pushed it away. Saying I needed it for myself. I tried to hide how I didn't want to give it, caught in a tug of war between how _useful_ I had been, a good thing, and how _used_ I felt, a bad thing.

He seemed to understand that, too. Even if he didn't exactly want to connect with me at the same depth we had before, for painfully obvious reasons. The whole connection threatened to burst with barely-contained _something_ , but from the rolling tension, anger was the main ingredient.

Cale glanced at me, trying to mask it. "Would you like to rest?"

I shrugged. "I mean, I just woke up…"

Sekhmet chuckled, although it hardly sounded honest. "Cale would tell you how revitalizing a morning nap is."

Cale narrowed his eyes. "Says the one who wakes after my chores are finished."

Dais snorted. "Kayura seems to manage fine."

That got an out and out glare.

I tried not to shrink at the reminder everyone got up before I did and was more productive before I was and there was my mom's voice, again, reminding me how much I would never get anywhere. Being around so much anger only made it worse, me feeling on pins and needles at _when_ they were going to explode at me. This wasn't an if. There was too much emotion for it to be an if.

Summer's threads slowly strangled those voices. "We would… like for you to have a room here, that you can escape to."

I swallowed, trying to push his armour away. "I need to stop escaping."

Kayura shook her head. "If it's escaping here or…"

Neither of us wanted her to finish that sentence, so I was glad for her to trail off. At least that felt more sad than angry.

Sekhmet leaned forward. "As we said, time moves more slowly here. If you need time without guilt, to… think…"

I was too worn down to resist, already; all I could do was half-nod in agreement. I impassively let Dais take me down halls of shoji screens that felt more like what I expected to exist in a palace that had existed for thousands of years. Candles flickered in ornate lanterns, the wood floors mirror smooth under my socked feet. Statues with a sort of… friendly monstrocity marked the corners, making navigating in what would otherwise be a maze relatively landmark-filled.

He stopped me in front of one, hand still on my shoulder. "Close your eyes and imagine the room of your dreams. The _space_ of your dreams. Whatever you desire will be behind this door."

I licked my lips. "You don't… have to…"

He paused, wrestling with words. The emotions from earlier were coming back in force. "If it means keeping you, as selfish as that sounds, then we do have to."

I clenched my fists. "I don't want to be _kept_."

He bowed his head, turning me to face him. "Please. Allow yourself one moment of imagining what it would take for you to stay. We don't want to ask that of you without giving you something in return."

I had to admit, that possibility was _appealing_.

Some of the puffed-up-ness in my chest dissipated and I turned towards the door, at least going to try and humour him. I let my mind go wild, all of my old, long-dead childhood dreams dragged up to the surface despite the pain of remembering how old they were.

Once I was thoroughly satisfied it would be impossible— secretly thinking that there was nothing that could ever reach it, that what was behind this door would just prove how unrealistic all of this was— I slid the shoji screen open.

And gasped.

A wall of windows looked out to the beautiful youjakai sky, constantly-shifting colours looking like a painting. Golden curtains punctuated them every few feet, the lack of light showing through them revealing how they were solid blackout. Low shelves under them in dark mahogany anchored the space, books and sculptures and pictures dotting them.

The four-poster bed in matching wood tones had much softer curtains, these in rose and a soft, fuzzy texture that made me go grab them. My fingers of one hand tangled in the material while my other hand smoothed over the golden and cherry blossom patterned duvet cover, it feeling warm like cotton but soft like silk.

The dresser was covered in some of my favourite makeup, the mirror beautifully delicate— a chair in the corner had a lamp curving over it and I recognized the chair from the university pride centre, the chair that made me feel the safest. Night-tables rounded everything off and I finally looked down at the carpet: a circle in gold and pink with roses on the border.

Dais stood at the entrance. "You have beautiful tastes."

I couldn't close my jaw. "I've wanted a room like this since I was a _kid_ …!"

He stared at me, head tilted to one side. "I'm sure this would be very simple to achieve."

I paused, my breath leaving me.

This _was_ simple.

I knew enough about interior design to calculate. The furniture was about two thousand dollars, maybe three, and the fabrics were maybe a grand. It would take time, but a piece here, a piece there. I already had a few basic pieces, like the dresser I had splurged for. It looked remarkably similar to the one now in the room. All I needed was a mirror.

I looked at the floor. "My mom never let me redo my room until it matched her tastes…"

Kayura peeked her head into my room, her own jaw dropping. "Can I borrow some of this?"

I laughed, no real joy in the sound. "Go ahead."

Dais nudged her inside. "She took _quite_ a liking to decorating, when she was in the ningenkai. If you would like some company as you decorate your own space…"

She blushed. "I'd love to, if you'll have me…"

My breath shuddered. The tangle of emotions had shifted from anger to sadness more firmly, now, back to what it felt like around the guys. That softness that felt too cold. I ignored it, going to look at the barely-visible shoji screen between the wall of windows and the tall bookcase.

Opening _it_ revealed a different kind of paradise.

The room was _overflowing_ with art supplies. A single, moderately-sized window was high on the wall, but my eyes were drawn to the floor to ceiling shelves— and the ladder in front of them— full of paints, brushes, clay, markers, coloured pencils, and various other 'luxury' chemicals to experiment with their effects. A table in the middle was solidly square with a light wood top, something unlikely to clash with what I was painting. Another console-type table was pushed against the other wall, the bottom shelves packed with sketchbooks and loose paper, with the top giving room for whatever projects to dry.

I walked up to the table, noticing it was higher than average so I wouldn't kill my back as I bent over it. I dragged a stool from against the wall to sit, feeling everything very comfortable. The overhead light wasn't too stark, there were lamps everywhere I could use, but I could also just stare at a wall or a table surface.

Everything very me.

Kayura sounded thoroughly frozen behind me. "This… might be a little harder to recreate in your apartment."

I laughed. "Gee, ya think?"

"Just another reason for you to visit," Dais responded.

That… _fondness_ in his tone. I didn't know how to process that fondness in his tone. They had been angry at me. They had been sad because of me. That meant yelling and screaming and accusations. It meant guilt trips and promises to never do it again and ultimatums. Bribery. Insistence I had no reason.

It didn't mean polite asking. It didn't mean listening to what I wanted. It didn't mean open offers.

It didn't mean _this_.

I twisted in my chair to address them. "Why are you even doing this?"

They both looked sheepish in different ways. Dais' jaw tensed, while Kayura looked down. The seasonal armours notably pulled away, less rage and anger but sorrow more intensely than any fury. It's like they didn't want me to feel anything from them. They just wanted to give me space.

Dais shook his head subtly. "The only thing we could do, in our… grief at losing another. Is to try and remove all reasons you could want to die."

I rolled my shoulders, looking away. "You were angry at me."

"We just want to know _why_ ," Kayura said, voice cracking for the first time I'd known her. Of course I caused it. Of course it was my fault. "Why you would… want to leave us."

Dais was slightly more level-headed. Slightly. "Suicide is… not something we have ever considered. Kourin's attempt was our first brush with it. The weight of what we had done rested on Cale, but even upon seeing that he didn't consider attempting. Yours is…" He swallowed, voice roughening. "The first time we are at a loss, as to why."

"Because I have it so good and so much support and so many people I relate to and—" I cut myself off, standing up from the stool to get away from this spot. "I get it. I'm just a selfish bitch who throws everything I have away."

"No." Dais' breath shuddered as he tried to continue. "We knew there had to be a reason, why you were— _are_ in so much pain. But we cannot think of it for how we have only recently come into your life."

Kayura stepped up, cautiously placing a hand on my shoulder. "Will you at least… let us help you reach your dreams?"

I flinched. That was the nerve I had tried to bury all of yesterday. "I can't."

"Why not?"

If only she knew. If only anyone knew. I didn't want to tell anybody. I didn't want to face that any of my mom's voices were true. I just wanted to do work and try to forget I couldn't do it, try to forget that every trick in the book hadn't worked for me, try to forget I'll never be successful.

"Kure," Dais said softly. "Tell us."

I scrunched my eyes shut. "I'm not _good enough_ to be successful."

Kayura wrapped her arms around my shoulders, so much like my sister I almost did a double-take. "I don't believe that."

"Everyone can be successful at something," Dais said. "You told us yourself, even our successes over the Ronin for Arago proved we had some measure of competence."

I shook my head. "I'm organized and detail oriented and keep track of things really well and… I can't do my job."

"What is it?"

"Coordination." I exhaled, finding my hand creeping to Kayura's wrist despite myself. "So keeping track of projects, and organizing, and… I'm always behind, I never have time to do anything else, emails send me into panic attacks, I…"

Kayura squeezed me. "Maybe it's not right for you."

" _Everything's_ going to need coordination. If I can't do this…"

Her arms went even tighter. "But if… If it's _killing you…"_

I swallowed. "If I can't get this down, then _everything_ will kill me."

A drop of water hit my shirt. "I don't want you to go."

Dais finally stepped forward the rest of the way, hugging us both. "None of us do."

Slowly, steadily, my body collapsed in on itself. First my throat, followed by my shoulders, stomach. Kayura's soft sniffling and Dais' tight grip helped and didn't, but the other Seasonal armours floating in definitely pushed me closer to crying. They seemed to understand more, now, emotions shifted to how they wanted me alive.

It just made me realize how much I still didn't want to be alive.

"If everything's going to kill me," I finally got out. "I might as well just stay with the thing where I know how it's going to."

Dais shook his head. "That, to me, is all the more reason to find something that will hurt you _less_ , if… you are already in so much pain."

I swallowed, continuing to lean against him as my body just kept shaking. "I don't want to think about changing to something else."

Kayura loosened her grip, going to just tangling her hands in the back of my shirt. "Then stay here for awhile. Don't think about it."

Dais gently stroked my hair. "You can stay as long as you want. I'm sure Cale would say this will feel better after a nap."

I laughed, pulling away from them both to wipe my eyes. The tension and rolling emotions had sort of broken, more replaced by confusion. I could live with confusion. "Y-yeah, kinda want to try that bed."

We walked out of my art room and I paused, eyes caught on a fuzzy black ball curled up on the bed. The cat yawned and lazily stretched to at least two feet in length, looking up at me with amber eyes once they'd settled back down. White whiskers curled forward in front of an impressively floofy ruff, with an equally impressive floofy tail twitching the longer they went without attention.

I walked up and gently stroked their head, the fur some of the softest I had ever felt. Immediately their eyes closed and they began purring loudly, whiskers vibrating from the sound.

"Hi baby…"

A gentle trill was my reply, promptly followed by them getting up and hooking their paws over my shoulder. Their rump readily went against me as I picked them up in full, the motor in their chest continuing to run.

I laughed softly as they shoved their nose in my ear. "I think this is how you get adopted by a cat."

Dais laughed, coming up to rub the little lovebug's ears. He paused, glancing at Kayura to come over. "The stripes…"

She gasped. "Black Blaze?"

The cat looked towards her and trilled again, settling back against me. I frowned. "Black blaze?"

Dais nodded. "He gave his life to save White Blaze, after the latter died protecting the Ronin."

I adjusted the cat so I was looking at his face. "Is that your name? Black Blaze?"

He shoved his nose into my forehead and licked me as a reply.

"How about Blackie?"

He kneaded my collarbone with that.

I smiled, scratching between his shoulder blades. "Guess you're coming home with me, huh…"

He chirped in agreement and shoved his face under my chin, tucking himself against me.

I stood in the room and held him, settling into his purring. He'd hooked himself back against my shoulder, him heavy enough in my arms I had to sit down. He nuzzled me, and kneaded me, and gave off a stronger air of wanting me than any of the humans I had been with in the past twenty four hours. Or maybe, an air I could more readily believe.

My absolutely, positively wildest dream had been companionship.

Sitting here with the Warlords gushing over my cat, in a room tailor-made to be my escape…

Maybe some of my dreams _could_ come true.

—~—

Sage walked out of class at 1355 to see a few messages from Alexa on the encrypted chat. She hadn't marked them as important, but for how she had been struggling since her suicide attempt, they were. Even if it was just things she thought he would find interesting, letting her know she was a presence in his life had rocketed to the top of his priority list.

The latest one read ' _can you call me once you're out of class?'_ , and it took most of his self control to not call immediately before reading why.

She was having an anxiety attack at the thought of leaving her job. Something that had been stressing her ever since she revealed how much it made her want to die. It had taken her days to tell them about her work after her attempt, and she'd slowly been approaching crisis point as she explored the full depth of what had been happening, fighting her mother's abuse along the way. Fighting her boss' abuse along the way. She'd been obsessing over this for weeks, by now.

He pulled up the keyboard on his phone and switched it to English, gently reaching out with Kourin to let her know he was available now. ' _Still awake?'_

Knots in Kure unwound. ' _It's barely 1 am here so yes'_

' _Still want to talk?'_

His phone ringing was the answer. He made his way to a quieter part of campus as he picked up. "Are you alright?"

"No but thanks for asking." She took a shuddering breath, Kure once again like the fragile glass it had been after her suicide attempt. "It feels like I'm just going to fail at whatever job I go after so I shouldn't even bother trying…"

His chest tightened, Kourin trying to to warm what had once again become a very cold heart. "What makes you think that?"

Her voice started breaking up; at least she was responding instead of isolating. "Everything relies on coordination so saying that I hate it is a guaranteed out…"

"Are you sure?" He forced himself to breathe, leaning against a wall in a mostly-deserted hallway. "It might just be what you're doing now. Has your boss offered any support?"

"I loved it in college is the thing! I was supposed to be one of the best coordinators and—" her voice hitched, before bubbling with laughter. "It's okay, Blackie. I'm okay."

Hearing her say that released some knots of tension. She had sent him dozens of pictures of her cat since he'd shown up in the youjakai for her, and he seemed to provide the physical company she needed day to day. But still— there was no replacement for a human voice. It's why Sage hadn't reached exclusively for the yoroi connection; taking _time_ with somebody else instead of having a conversation at the speed of thought often provided the buffer needed to pull someone out of a crisis.

"I'm sure if he could talk, he'd want you to try," Sage said lightly. "And honestly… college is its own environment. It's alright to change once you get out. Especially since, from what you've said before, you didn't have time to explore yourself and now you do." He paused momentarily, checking to see if she had a retort before continuing. "What would you love to do?"

"Write," she responded immediately. "But… there isn't a lot of money in that."

He frowned. "Are you sure? Rowen talks about how much grant writers make often enough…"

That got her to pause, faintest spark of hope in her yoroi. "I've never really looked into it."

"Do that." He waited for any potential response again, listening for how she was taking it. Soft sniffles were the only thing on the line. "Let it out. It's alright to be afraid."

The dam broke, taking his heart with it.

He didn't know how the guys had survived, listening to his pain. Perhaps this was his own suicidality coming forth, for how he was afraid of the future almost as much as she was. He hardly knew how to comfort _himself_ , let alone her. But he had to comfort her. He had to give her some hope change was possible, that at least _some_ options were worth it. Thinking of opportunities where she was too frozen and petrified to reach forward. But with every spark of hope came dozens of flashbacks, where her mother had denied her that hope. Sometimes she vocalized them; sometimes, like now, all she did was sob so hard he knew she had to be trembling. He wanted to hold her so desperately, but all he could do was support her through his yoroi.

Kourin reached out to Tenku, just for the anchor.

Alexa's breathing finally settled enough to speak. "What if I'm not good enough to make a career out of something I've done for so much of my life?"

"It might take some time," he responded. "It took me until my third _dan_ examinations to really truly think I could make a career out of the sport I love. I took a degree in kinesiology to stay close to it, should I not be able to be an athlete. I only tried for the all-Japan kendo competition on a whim, and… I'm still not sure I'll be good at it."

That seemed to stop her in her tracks. "Your whole life is kendo."

He laughed softly. "It is. It's my family's life. I've been studying it since I could walk. And I'm terrified I won't make it as far as people expect me to, both while I'm in university or after. Ojisama is a living legend, my mother has titles, and even my sister is decorated. But I love it enough to try, and I love it enough to learn from my failures to come back better, next time." He took a breath. "It's like recovering from PTSD. I try some coping strategies, they fail, I try others, they work, then they stop working, and… it's constant adjustment."

She sniffed, Kure finally relaxing at hearing his story. Fully connecting back into him now that she knew somebody else shared her experience. "It feels like I only have one chance to change and if it doesn't work, my mom's right I'll never get anywhere."

"That's…" He hesitated, getting Tenku's approval before finishing. "More Rowen's story than mine. But from what he's told me, he's learned you can change and try multiple times and in the long term, it's alright. It hurts in the short term but it's not the end of the world. You can try even just a different job in the same industry and see if the environment works any better for you, and write on the side, or see where writing can take you now. That I can promise you."

She started crying again. "It feels like here's as good as it's going to get, for how unproductive I am."

Anger flared in his chest; he tried to keep it out of his voice. "That sounds like your mother."

"No! No, it's—" she scrambled for words, an eventual, quiet, "It's _realistic_."

He threaded a hand through his hair. "Putting you down to make you believe you can't leave isn't realistic, it's abuse."

She swallowed so hard he heard it. "What if he's right?"

"What if he's wrong?"

Silence. Sage only hoped he hadn't pushed too hard or too much. Kure's rolling emotions offered some hope that maybe what he had said had gotten in. She hadn't pulled away too far, either, hesitating in a sort of limbo Sage had grown to recognize from when information she had just heard contradicted what she had been told her whole life.

He tried to stem the voices he knew would be rising. "I'll still care for you and support you no matter your choice. But if he's speaking like that… I do hope you will consider changing employment sooner, rather than later."

"Alright." Before she could continue, loud purring filled the speaker, followed by her laughter. "I think Blackie's telling me to go to bed. And… considering it's two thirty, I really probably should."

Sage tipped his head back against the wall he was leaning against, propping one foot up. He hadn't even noticed the time passing, but the shadows had changed around him. "Rest. I'll talk to you again when I wake up tomorrow, or before bed if you wake up by then."

A smile made its way into her voice. "Thanks, Sage. Enjoy the rest of your day."

He smiled back. "Sleep well."

He hung up and exhaled, rubbing his face tiredly. She hadn't mentioned it, she hadn't said anything that was overtly a red flag, but feeling like a failure at whatever you did and feeling like failure was _inevitable_ was one of the precursors for suicidal thoughts. The way Kure had felt didn't help his suspicion she had fallen back into that pit.

At least she had reached out, this time.

" _Close call?"_ Rowen asked.

Sage shook his head. " _Not enough she mentioned wanting to attempt, thank the gods. Just… scared of changing, which I understand perhaps too well. Scared that everyone who told her she was worthless was correct. That she couldn't change careers because there wasn't anything else she was good at. That she would fail at what she had been doing for so long. Which I… also understand perhaps too well."_

" _So do I, brother."_ Tenku wrapped Kourin in a blanket of space's cool peace, stars dotting the darkness. Doing the same for Sage what he had just done for Alexa. " _Sharing our stories can only help her."_

He laughed internally, darkly— he hadn't even noticed how glass-like Kourin had become. " _And remind me, at least, of how insecure I still am about my choices, about how… in the end it's all the same voices that drove me to attempt, failing at something, not being_ worthy _, and it hasn't died. The closer I get to the championship the more I feel I've made a mistake."_

Tenku drew Kourin closer. " _Just by qualifying you've lived up to the Date name. A student hasn't won in over forty years, so it's unreasonable to expect yourself to win. Even if you are a protege, simply moving beyond the qualifying rounds proves that."_

He closed his eyes, seeing nothing but blackness behind them. " _My response to that statement was, if I've proven myself with that, then I can drop out now."_

" _I'll be there in a few minutes."_

He had to express some appreciation for that, as much as he would have preferred a cigarette to interfering on Rowen's day. He had his coping strategies. But it was Rowen's call, not his, as much as he _wanted_ to smoke just to self regulate. He knew he should meditate instead, he knew he should focus on the breathing skills he relied on in kendo, but it was moments like this where he wondered if he was addicted. He wanted nothing except to smoke. To be near fire so maybe he could relight his own.

Going to meet up with Rowen in a private part of campus and hugging his brother completely brushed that craving away.

"It's already faded," Sage murmured into Rowen's neck, only half telling the truth. "I…"

It was nearly impossible to express how flashes of darkness kept returning, how he sometimes felt like two different people. The confident Date heir and the young man who held a sword because it was the only thing he knew how to do. For all the others relied on him, for all they had given him reason upon reason why they felt justified relying on him, he still couldn't believe they could put their faith in someone who felt so at a loss for how to exist that he didn't know how he kept going, some days.

Alexa relied on him to show life could improve after a suicide attempt, and he still had so many moments he doubted if it was worth living. He could really only confidently say he had _one_ moment to show for his recovery, just in Virginia. The rest of the time, he felt too much like the only reason he continued living was others' expectation, not any desire to build his own life.

Rowen rubbed his spine soothingly. "It's alright. We're all a bit shaken up right now."

Sage nodded, closing his eyes to soak up the affection. He gripped Rowen back to acknowledge how he had been in some pain, for how he and Tessa had decided to wait on a relationship until more time had passed. It hadn't helped Tessa was stressed and scared about her sister's attempt, relying on the guys' schedules to be there for Alexa late at night when she couldn't be. Rowen had understood, but still had moments of doubting if he had truly done the right thing with his confession.

They pulled back from each other, Rowen's hands staying on Sage's biceps. "No matter what the outcome, we have each other. It'll be alright."

Sage's smile was weak but there. "It can be hard to remember that when I'll be up for scrutiny in public for the first time, the whole world of kendo watching."

Rowen squeezed his shoulders. "All that matters to me is you're alive."

Sage pulled him back into a hug. "Thank you for reminding me."

Connection. That's what made living so worthwhile. That's why he found the strength to hold on. So long as he had his brothers, the rest of the world was irrelevant. He could be safe here. He had been safe in their arms, in their homes, and now he could offer that safety to them, and to others. Building a life not with accomplishments, but with _people_.

They parted for real, Rowen rocketing back to Tokyo for his evening class. Sage watched him leave, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

He could survive this.

And maybe, with enough dedication, show them what he was _really_ made of.


End file.
